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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

bubblehead

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I took a big bad break from thinking this month. It's been marvelous.

Well, I actually did some big deep thinking about structure. One of the real challenges on multiplayer server is other people getting to judge your builds- taste and style, use of textures and colors, traditional vs modernism kind of stuff. It's a really big deal to build something over 100 blocks high without flying or hovering. I've seen really nice builds that took up thousands of square blocks and awesome perfection that used only a few. I want to express things in a quietly unique way, and they're sort of turning into cool 'bizarre'. I'm not sure how to get with the program, but I know what I like, and what I like is apparently really hard and challenging to do. I'm not satisfied with throwing up a build a week and then moving on. No, I'm moving a million blocks around and I will get what I want to do it even if I have to grind through farming 10,000 pumpkins to sell at market. Whatever mods and architects do, I can do, too, without super powers and years of experience.

Also, big changes. Since I'm sleeping the way I'm supposed to now, I very rarely wake up in the middle of dreams any more and have mostly stopped remembering them, but there was one this week that turned my head. It was a spider dream deluxe, just loads and loads of all kinds of spiders everywhere. They weren't exaggerated like in shows, just lots of them. In my house. They had completely taken over my house (all kinds, everything thick with spiders), and I was complaining to @bonenado that if he didn't get his pets out, I'd be bringing in some snakes. (He hates snakes.) What really struck me about that dream was I went about like normal with spiders all around me, wasn't afraid or repulsed, didn't feel sick or upset, and I didn't kill any of them.

So now I'm asking myself what spiders really mean to me psychologically. And they must mean something because I've been working on a story with spiders in it, and I really hope it's cool enough for other people to like.

But that's on the side kind of stuff. I'm on the other end of a grueling month in physical therapy, and I think I'm going to be ok. I can't even begin to share how hard living with this pain in a nearly lifelong traumatic injury has been, shoving through years with no hope of relief, and the near shock of finally arriving to a place where that was all a bad dream. Just writing those last 12 words made me tear up.

I *am* in a sort of shock and haven't felt like talking. At all. This month has been the most quiet I have been on the internet since 2012. I expected all my stuff to crash. My klout is still 60, twitter says I got 3K impressions last week (did I even make 20 tweets?), blogger says facebook is my biggest reader push and I don't have that many friends, so...

2017 flipped on me the first month in, and it's about to flip again. I can do this.

By the way, did you guys watch The Flash musical last night? I was dying. Except Barry can really dance, *wow*. But the singing- no. No mas. Yes, it was hella cute, yes it actually moved me to tears by that one scene, yes everything was spot on, but a musical... 😑 *no*.

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