-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Wednesday, March 21, 2018

my runcible blog

So I've got evidence that Pinky blog is being mirror accounted in at least one other country, lol. 😂😁 Whatever floats your goat guys. I know curating isn't enough, right. Just slap copies up and go to town with it and stuff. Right now it's more important that some of my words just get spread anyway, so I'm not too bothered. It could all end with dirty nukes and grids going down and who knows, some of my Pinky wisdom might live on somewhere.

Meanwhile, two of us came home with broccoli this week and now I'm working on gastric stack overflow. Today's menu includes a cheesy rice pilaf full of mashed up broccoli, with a slight hint of onion. I use several kinds of cheese so it's super yum. If I had leftover bacon I'd throw that in, too. One time I did that and stirred bits of cream cheese in, that was heavenly.

I just did a thorough research on Edward Lear because The Owl and the Pussycat crossed my mind awhile ago. Of course, that'll never show up on a social media scoring system. Klout keeps insisting that I'm a Stephen King expert for some reason. Confession- I'm well read and I've never opened a single Stephen King book in my life and rarely watch related movies or television show episodes that he's somehow involved with. I've watched Under the Dome, but other than that, I very rarely stop to check out anything his name is on. A few friends of mine are die hard Stephen King fans, so I'm very well aware of his remarkable history. I did see Lawnmower Man but apparently all he gets credit for is the title, lol. And I guess this is odd because anyone who gets to know me eventually compares me to Stephen King for some reason. I'd like to turn that back to Edward Lear, but since I don't often share my prolific penchant for limerick (the majority wind up incredibly yet tastefully naughty for some reason, and I'd rather not become known for that), no one ever says I'm the next Edward Lear. That sort of makes me sad.

From Runcible-Wikipedia- "In Neal Stephenson's 1995 novel The Diamond Age, Runcible is a code name for the Young Lady's Illustrated Primer, an educational computer."

From The Diamond Age-Wikipedia- "Society in The Diamond Age is dominated by a number of phyles, also sometimes called tribes. Phyles are groups of people often distinguished by shared values, similar ethnic heritage, a common religion, or other cultural similarities. In the extremely globalized future depicted in the novel, these cultural divisions have largely supplanted the system of nation-states that divides the world today. Cities in The Diamond Age appear divided into sovereign enclaves affiliated or belonging to different phyles within a single metropolis. Most phyles depicted in the novel have a global scope of sovereignty, and maintain segregated enclaves in or near many cities throughout the world."

You might call that prophetic, since that is a bit depictive of what the U.N. has drawn up in their Agenda 21, but perhaps it's merely an idea that has been intended for a much longer amount of time than we think, since Agenda 21 was heavily discussed and officially drafted several years previously. It would appear a work of fiction materialized after an agenda arose, so one could suppose this particular fiction might be a function of intention. I often look up whether an author's idea came before some kind of official documentation of something. It's interesting how often fiction actually comes after fact and barely anyone notices. Another book by the same author titled Cryptonomicon carries in its description "With this extraordinary first volume in what promises to be an epoch-making masterpiece, Neal Stephenson hacks into the secret histories of nations and the private obsessions of men, decrypting with dazzling virtuosity the forces that shaped this century." Really? He published after Agenda 21 was drawn up. It's not that big a leap to carry that into fiction. Actually, he seems a bit obsessed with the same kind of conspiracy around Nazi code that many still do nowadays, but now we know more and it's not that cryptic once you stick a toe into the weird stuff. It's been all around us this whole time, but as long as our minds are trained onto fictionalized television, we continue to believe our lives and even the world are spectacularly mundane.

Interestingly, diamonds are the top commodity in Minecraft, one of the most popular digital games in the world where players learn to co-op and create sustainable lifestyles against a number of challenges. I hint of the cultural crossing over in my article Atlantis.

Anyway, my point comes back around to Stephen King possibly already writing what was put into his mind by others in the first place. The monarch cinched it for me. Whether King wrote the actual predictive programming or not is irreparably smeared for me now. He may not be a genius so much as just another person fast tracked into success by a group using him as a tool. He is well known for being a self confessed blackout writer, which some blame on trauma or alchohol, but is also explainable with programmed alters, like pop stars today are unabashedly revealing. Basically, he was the Lady Gaga of the book world long before 'dark' became mainstream.

But I digress. My food is ready.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018


I'm silently coasting semi tilted and askew like a muted minecraft boat across a moonlit ocean, floating incoherently around my house looking at the clock every half hour. Up is down and now is never and all the salt has been poured out long ago. This is what an eon feels like to a photo between galaxies.

Thank goodness for crock pots. That alone saved this whole day.

I have nothing wise left to say and my head hurts and nothing helps. I know I did this to myself. Pain be damned, right? They said double the med, so I doubled it and conquered all the hard things like I had the right to colorful spandex, and now look at me, wilting around brainless, useless, motivationless. Sleepless.

I was asked several questions yesterday during 6 month follow up assessment, I answered truthfully, and I remain free to continue sans head meds. I didn't volunteer that I triggered hard the other day and had to all-stop, and I didn't share the concerns and disappointments in my head, because I know all this is just adjusting to chemicals changing again and will soon pass (again) (they always do, this is so familiar). I also didn't mention the sad, which is partly very real and not just lopsided chemicals.

Just keep making words. Keep walking past the ennui. Keep looking forward so I don't see the bumping around in the dark. Keep looking at a teeny distant flicker I hope isn't something I'm just making up in my mind. I mean, of course it is, I invented all of this, it's the only reason I'm out here. I created *this* so I could keep bobbing on a dark ocean under a moon on a monitor.

I'm still really pissed about what happened last week, and I'm glad I turned it into a big deal. All the same, who do I talk to about it? Myself?

Some are called Lightworkers. Some are named Illuminati. Some are Alliance, some are Cabal. Some save children, some pass children through the flames.

One of us is very cynical.

If someone does wrong and calls it right, it is not right. If someone does right and calls it wrong, it is not wrong. If someone hurts another person for gain of any kind and justifies it, that is not right. If someone saves others from damage and victimization, that is not wrong. Yet we keep getting these things mixed up. You cannot hurt others and be doing right no matter how loyal or faithful you may be to your belief or your cause. You cannot save others and be doing wrong no matter what anyone else says about whose side you are on.

It is occurring to me that the ones saying wake up and the ones putting us to sleep might be the same thing.

What is your own heart saying? What is your mind and soul saying? When something beautiful and inspiring carries a sinister taint, or when something ugly and vile glows with warmth, maybe it's time to just step back a bit and ask ourselves what we just got pulled into. And maybe, just maybe, right and wrong are being so tangled up that we can't think any more and it's just easier to think what we're told by those we trust to be saying what we hoped we wanted to hear. Or, actually, those who yank our chains just right.

My own mantra is if all else fails, nourish my body with clean water and healthy foods, rest from the fray, and stop my mind so peace can seep in and refresh me. I walk away.

Lamenting the world and torturing ourselves with strong emotions over injustices is a form of self inflicting. Thinking that we are doing the world a service with our enraged or inspired overthinking is a disservice to our own health. We cannot be good for others if we are not good for ourselves.

There are some we praise who get high on the suffering of others, and I'm not talking about politics. There are some who skate above the noise because they think they earned a Place, and we give them money to live comfortably, and I'm not talking about religion. Every single day millions of us spend millions of dollars on entertainment, on an industry touting right against wrong while doing wrong against right.

There are some others thrust into places who could potentially change the entire world, and they are so afraid someone will kill, maim, or mute them and their children that they remain silent. It's difficult to stand up and say something like 'me too' when decades of evidence backs up cowardice over bravery. It's one thing to stand up for 'right', it's another thing to use it as an agenda. Stuff like that.

Then there is me. "Puddleglum, with Plato, recognizes the difference between the world of shadows, and the world with the sun."

Sometimes I find someone like me.

This is the truth behind all other truths, beyond all rights and wrongs. At 4:30, enter the clearest presentation I've ever heard for every argument anyone has ever made about any *thing* on this earth. This is a guy who is so done with right is wrong and wrong is right that he actually took on exposing a government program knowing it could cost him his life. Not just his job. His life. Sometimes being disgusted enough to step up is the rightest thing a person can do on this planet. Sometimes the only way forward is to accept that there is no 'good' around you before you can see what truth is.

Parens patriae. We are all owned.

Knowing how invasive and abused this 'protection' is, being on the side of 'right' and 'good', how can you possibly believe any institution is 'right' and 'good'? All humans are human. All people strive under duress to meet agendas. Never assume everyone around you is free from pressure to toe a status quo or keep a secret or protect their own asses. Never assume a friend (coworker, churchgoer, family) won't stab you in the back out of weakness if their world turns black.

YOU decide what is right and what is truth. Do your own thinking, research what you can, put together what makes sense, and take control of your own mind, your own emotions, your own lives. If you know you are hurting people, make a plan to change that and stop hurting people. Don't take that to your graves with you. Don't justify it and pass the blame. Don't give someone else the power to hurt people by using you as their tool.

If you want to fix the world, fix yourself first. If you want to heal someone, heal yourself first. If you want to find the truth, find your truth first. History changes for other people's futures every time we decide to make a change in ourselves and act on it.

Funny how a headache goes away when I let the words out.

Monday, March 19, 2018

auto accounted, but I'm ok with it this time

One of the drawbacks of using CPAP is how nearly impossible it is to go to sleep when you feel sad enough for a few tears to leak out. It's doesn't take much damp at all to make the mask difficult to seal, plus the way it rubs after that till skin feels a little raw. Trying to wipe my eyes before a tear gets away winds up with me poking my eye half out or something. I never really run into people talking about eye injuries from maneuvering around CPAP when a few tears need to roll out. I nearly destroyed my right eye one night with my finger coming in from a different angle in the dark.

I live with PTSD triggers that come out of the blue. It's usually not too bad, but sometimes a little misunderstanding makes it worse and then I'm miserable inside because I'm too autistic to spill my junk out right, so it comes out crooked and no one ever knows what to say, and then I wind up being all alone in the night because everyone I know is in bed or miserable themselves or busy enjoying a night up. So I try to lay there and wind up becoming too aware of the way my heart thumps, and that only makes things worse. I didn't want to get up, but Jawn is my only friend right now because I have no idea how to be friends right when I'm like this.

I already had a bit of a headache, probably from allergies, so of course that's worse now, too, and I don't want to eat or play a game or read, and I'm really tired of youtube.

Actually, speaking of youtube, I was doing more research on Dresti and plunged into the really old stuff from the 90s the other day, creepy cool. That's actually distracting me nicely, so here we go. And of course I have to fix the embed because blogger automatically cuts off the playlist nowadays unless I literally paste it in a certain way.

And it gets creepier when you see something like this on facebook. Not a clue if he really owns that FB account, but this is still a little off the wall. This relationship status throws a shadow of suspect on it really being him, so it's up in the air whether someone else checked him in here or made it up.

And then this friend post is kind of out there, when I looked that guy up I decided maybe the entire FB account is a pipe dream, especially after I looked up that guy's FB.

Anyway, it's actually really fun trying to dredge up actual history because it's just not that obvious. Wikipedia is pretty good but then just drops off, then Dresti fell off the earth (there's basically nothing after 2010 even on Gagapedia), so I decided to just really dig into all the old stuff and I've about decided he's probably rolling in royalties somewhere and still working behind some things as producer. I think he was way ahead of his time and probably set a few new directions for others to follow in the music industry, and apparently was quite up to the task of helping chauffeur (DJ) Lady Gaga around her first world tour. There's a myspace, but like everything else, it just dead ends.

Oh, Gagapedia auto created a profile page for me, lol. It grabbed my Enjin info. Also very interesting is that it's got a built in live chat. I could hang out there yapping away, if I ever remember it exists.

K, hold the phone, there might be more after 2010 on this trackitdown page. Only problem is, there is another Space Cowboy out there now, so until I go through all that, I don't know it's all Dresti, but there are two with a 2017 release dates, so I'm very happy. Looks like he's gone trance, which I love.

All right, here we go, a more up to date search field. And then on to Veneccio, yay! Srsly, I really had to super dig just to keep this trail going. “Venaccio, hailing from the United States, serves up a beautiful trance track with Space Cowboy. With one of the most awe inspiring riffs in a while, Space Cowboy straightly takes you away on a journey through the galaxy while being grounded in a club driven bassline that will keep you going.”

And from there to Beatport, so all kinds of newer stuff, huzzah! STOP. That looks like a different guy. I'd be disappointed but the music is still good. How many people call themselves Space Cowboy? Dang it.

See what I mean? Difficult.

OH. Nicolas Dresti's credits at ALLMUSIC. He's still composing.
And here is MusicBrainz. And I found DJChrome.

So wikidata says this is his FB page. Pretty sure it's official. Someone commenting on this post mentions he has a daughter.

Songkick has old tour dates.

Ok, I think I can go to bed and straight to sleep now. Took 2 hours, but I'm good now.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

I AM ZOD, or, BowChicaWoWoW

Kinda slammed hard through many things this week, so before the next #latemoviegang watch with @LNMGang, I need to sling these out before I drown in screenshots. Yes, there are 28 here, but for some reason my finger was hammering like an automated burst shot trigger, so imagine if I hadn't filtered a bunch out, lol.

Brain water. You really had to be there.

Whoever wrote the dog into the script didn't think it through very well, but don't worry, I won't spoil it for you.

Kurt was very happy. When Kurt is happy, we are happy. 😊

Older gen promiscuity wasn't allowed. We think. Kinda not sure about that.

I really did miss Lisa. And she really would have known.

That boulder kinda snuck up on them. Pretty sure I saw this same boulder used in another movie we watched.

Actually, that's probably our signet. "It's ok to lie here." No, Kurt, I didn't mean that.

I still don't get the peanut butter...

This next is so classic movie gang. I love you guys.

Omg 😂 the soup thing killed it.

And this is where we take over and start rewriting the story.

That's no moon...

This movie bordered on the pervy and disgusting. What am I saying, it leapt far beyond that border. We were totally up to the challenge, and I really cannot believe the gen before mine actually dreamed this stuff up. Wow, they were messed up.

Not movie gang Steve. Just being clear.

I meant that the dog was acting natural, like the drug joke people say, but it totally could have gone all furry and no one in this movie would've blinked an eye. I blame this scene for driving our love birds off into a steamy frenzy.

I can't even remember this part. I was wide awake and totally coherent, but I don't remember it.

None of us were falling for any of this.

Sally was pretty smart.

I want glowy eyes like that.

The dog scene was so fail for me. I blame Gor.

I had to look up chronic pipe.


Someone's pretty sharp on their time zones there.

Irradiating specific people to death out of a crowded room is a real trick. I respect that.

Who was George? O_O

Wait, George was the dog, right?

So the lesson learned here is if you're an evil brain from another planet who can zap death at will, learn how the power structure really works before you bwahaha.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

super jetsetter brain melt

Busy week!
  • Ripped down curtains and threw them in the wash with rugs, stripped bedding and bathrooms, the usual deeper spring cleaning kind of stuff.
  • Confirmed no incision hernia from all that flu coughing, yay! Always hard to tell what's going on with fibro flare and pain referral stuffs.
  • Also confirmed healthy bones, soft tissues, and no arthritis in feet even though they hurt like hell nonstop and make life difficult, but now have hardcore dx of diabetic neuropathy, even as stringent as I am about keeping my blood sugar down with diet. The only thing I can do going forward is increase gabapentin in order to keep moving to stay healthy, and tighten up my diet as much as possible in case my A1C is slipping, which can happen when one indulges in even small amounts of carbs regularly. Just because my blood sugar is controlled doesn't mean it's not sticky and literally shredding nerve sheaths. If I want to keep being able to walk, I have to get smarter again. Kinda slid into a bit of leniency this last year with the kiddos around me.
  • Spent more time being staff on game server during winter hammering other staff with power outages, but learning faster that way and handling more stuff now, including helping with the launch of official social medias. The luck perms tutorial is going over my head atm, but I'm sure I'll pick it up.
  • Our money is a mess this year and we're hanging in there until tax refunds and hoping that covers what we need. @bonenado doesn't get overtime since the company sold around Christmas, and Twink's work might outsource, which, if it does, means she'll have changed jobs twice in less than 5 years over budget cuts. I'm still paying cash on the genetic cancer testing, so no play money until that's done around Christmas-ish. I still have tech, a house, and a car, so I'm grateful.
  • Made it through about a week-long euphoric episode, crashed a little, and bounced back without missing meals or losing that much sleep, so that was nicely controlled. I'm getting better at this!
  • I'm otherwise time jagging a lot again and barely staying in the right day/week/month, but I think I'm making good progress with my psychologist about what's behind that. Still able to deal in real time with real life even when I don't know where on a clock or calendar I happen to be.
  • I'm also managing somehow to keep up with a number of people all over the webs, which cheers me up. Starting to get my regular touch bases back on. Actually making it to movie gang weekly and have regained a little control over juggling my medias.
I don't even know how all that is happening. I feel like I'm barely aware, not because of the meds but because living on the edge of full aspienado shutdown through all of this. I may need to take a day off and not interact with anyone till my brain sops up this drippy gooey mess I feel like I'm sludging through. I mean, who is this person doing all this stuff, lol. Whatever is going on, apparently I've still got some brain healing going on.

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Do we own our own brains?

I guess March started off pretty good. I wasn't fast enough to catch whether it was a bot spam thing or a linkback, and no idea where it happened. I'm slacking off quite a bit this year on the stat stuff, but it's still nice to catch it once in awhile.

This despite sliding down a slippery depression slope, right. It cheered me up a bit. I could see myself actually repelling people for about a week there.

One of the interesting turns being taken in stats is the more dismal I become in general, the more I'm getting hit worldwide by people who start digging through the tags. I'm seeing a number of one-off trails, like an IP here and there making single hits through a variety of pages all bearing the same tag. Real readers.

We are important to each other. We are the real life other people can see happening behind the 'news' being broadcast and scripted across the webs. We are the ones living our days, the ones problem solving our ways through the scary messes we see in the news all around us. We need to be there for each other behind all that. Just keep living and talking and finding things to love and enjoy. No matter how dark it gets around me, there will always be something I will notice that I can think about, distract myself from fear and anxiety.

One thing I notice and talk about sometimes is now synchronized most of us are on social medias. We go through the same mood swings almost all at the same time, and if you look back through timestamps, you can see this really is a pattern. I know a lot of it is weather related, some of it is time of year related (the February slump after holidays and before the last school term surge is brutal), and definitely 'news' related if you watch too much chain yanking on broadcasts or in feeds.

I couldn't help noticing there was a single day a few days ago that several people I know plummeted into the depths and said very nearly identical phrases relating to depression and anxiety. Since I get around so much social media (super lurker) and hang out in real time on a game server with players from around the world, I am able to see all the little pings going off at the same time. I wish I had thought to screenshot through that entire day, it would have made for a very interesting study.

There is some controversy over 5G coming, and whether that will allow 'mind control'. Even when your tech is turned off, it still monitors and relays info. Your GPS signal, if there is location software in your tech, is always ON, unless you pull the battery out. Most tech nowadays have internal batteries to keep atomic time sync, but what else? Microwaves will blink like clocks when power goes out, but our phones and televisions and game consoles don't do that. When we pick them back up, they are already synced and ready to go.

And as I type this, my cursor is moving around of its own free will, which is very interesting considering I have remote share turned off. Hang on a sec.

Ok. You guys have no idea how often I reboot on any given day. And my phone, too. I started noticing around 2009 that I got particular attention from Langley in my stats if I used certain keywords, because only political opinion posts got those hits. I've toyed with visibility and search engines and stats for years and I see some interesting things. You'd think Oh, I'm just a little blogger, who would even care, right. Well, someone cares. It's gotten uber ridiculous with Pinky blog, and I had to train myself to just ignore it, although I have some outstanding screenshots of geolocations that would probably drop a few jaws. I'm not bragging at all saying that, and I think it would be unwise of me to share those screenshots on a public blog. All I can say is, some of those locations are top notch conspiracy level areas, and I can nail it down to where on the street or under a tree a few of these are because someone didn't have a clue how to use a proxy. At all. Like it was a brand new device straight out of a package and full location disclosure was pure green light. I don't know if that's on purpose or not, but yeah, I got the hint. One post in particular, yes. It unnerved me so badly I made that post private for awhile, and I just got hammered after that.

You know what? I don't care. If anything mysterious ever happens to me, that only proves I was right. That is all. If nothing happens, then nothing happens. I'm probably on a list, but I'm pretty sure a lot of us are.

Anyway, back to where I was going with this. There's been some concern about 5G.

And that's one of the nice articles. Here's one of the nastier ones.

Ok, stick with me for a second remembering a few things. On Ghost Hunters one of the first things they would do trying to debunk a haunting would be to check electrical fields with an EMF meter, right, because everyone knows an electrical field over a certain power level can mess with human emotional and physical states, causing anxiety and nausea and even worse. Imagine focusing an EM field very specifically. If you are carrying around tech that continually monitors your location and even measures and transmits your movements (Fitbit, lol), how easy would it be to use that field to affect your personal state of being? Some are concerned about suggestive programming, like this.

Lol, scared yet? I'm not trying to scare you, but if you aren't aware this is very real and has been going on awhile, you need to wake up a little.

Back to here and now. I'm watching anxiety and depression levels spike up and down across medias almost in a rhythm for awhile, and this latest one a few days ago was unreal because I noticed so many people said nearly identical phrases within 2-3 hours of each other across several medias in a variety of areas, and almost to the hour expressed later that they felt better. I noticed I went through the same sensations, as well, the palpable tension for awhile and then the relief later being a bit more noticeable than my usual mood swings. I don't want to immediately jump on the idea that seemed like an experimental test run of something, but I will say that was just weird.

If you are having a bad day and don't know what to do about it, it's always a good idea to touch base with someone to keep some balance. I myself heavily use tech to keep distant people around me through the day. However, I also think it might be a good idea to take short tech breaks. Do restarts and reboots. Walk away and go do a few chores here and there. Get a little distance and see if you feel better. Take some cleansing breaths while you stretch a little bit, tidy up a room, think about arranging the next meal, take care of a kid or a pet, stuff like that, and refresh your physical vitality. Hydrate while you're at it.

If you notice anxiety and/or depression cycles hit while you are holding or right next to tech, immediately put it down and move away from it. I'm not saying be afraid of it, I'm just saying control your moment. I always use tech every day, it's part of my life and probably always will be. I've been making jokes about being in line for the brain chip for years. However, unless you have something like a parent on hospice or some other reason to keep a phone on, turn it off while you sleep. Log off your computer at least once a day, especially if you're away from the house or sleeping. Just turn it off.

Your body has a natural electrical biorhythm that needs its own default cycle to be healthy. Every day we interrupt our biorhythms with electrical fields. We get used to low grade function and not moving around a whole lot, but over time our bodies and minds degrade. We are aging faster. We live in physical bodies on this world, and they are made to keep moving around.

Brains have their own natural EM fields.

Keeping your brain immersed in a disruptive EM field can make you feel things you normally wouldn't be feeling otherwise.

I think the scariest part of all of this is the idea that tech giants worth billions can influence how we use our brains en masse, and possibly even directly impact our activities. When I see so many people I care about across such a wide amount of distance hovering over their tech saying nearly identical phrases at nearly the same time, what am I supposed to think?

the poke of death

I was pretty awake for a change last night and got a little screenshot happy. Heads up 😂 for trigger warnings on casual lengthy explicit guillotine discussion in the SyfyDesigns.com chatroom during the movie. This is #latenightmovie with @LNMGang.