-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero, this blog is PinkyGuerrero, ongoing continuation at blogs Pinky & Janika & Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
 photo README2.gif


Tuesday, November 29, 2016

playing ball in the house, like you do

We were pretty busy yesterday.

Pretty sure this was a regrettable maneuver. Papa wound up having to lift her over and over after that.

I'm one of those chillaxed meemaws who remembers being a kid.

I remember wanting to experiment with different kinds of utensils and people sternly telling me "do it right" or it would be taken away. Scientists and artists and philosophers don't do things 'right', they create new and exciting ways to see the world.

This one is a bit longer, but it turned into 'get meemaw' and all heck broke loose. Maybe that'll translate to regionals in volleyball and baseketball down the road, like her mama.

Today is more physical therapy and a couple of errands. I have 2 days left to finish my library book. It's a one-time loan via mobius, I can't recheck it. It'll be a challenge because heavy book is a lot of arm work, hard on my neck holding still to read even if I rest the book on a table, and still kind of hard on my eyes because nerve overload and headaches, BUT it's the coolest book and would make an awesome movie and I really wanna finish it. So I might not be tweeting much for a couple of days.

And @bonenado was awesome and totes replaced my $80 phone case yesterday evening because it's been taped together for months, and no matter how crazily and violently I drop, toss, and ricochet my phone, my phone still actually works just fine, so this is the best case ever and I'm actually saving the original for backup in case I destroy this one even worse. It's leather with all those tiny rock crystals glued on, so it takes loads of impact. It's called Brilliance and you can get it in several colors for several kinds of phones. If I had the right phone I'd have gotten rose gold. I got the last one for S6 in the whole store because it's discontinued.


I'm already time skipping, have been thinking for several days that we're in December now. I don't bring it up much but there's this thing-
Is Fibromyalgia Aging You?
This is still so new that the studies aren't really completed enough yet to give definitive answers one way or another, even though you can run into a list of headlines screaming about fibro and gray matter loss. I've always known I'm losing cognitive function, I've been in and out of glitch and super glitch, memory impairments galore. I can feel my nervous system going down in super slo-mo.

It hasn't killed me yet. I can still laugh in the moment with my family. Pinky blog will help me stay focused, and I will continue to do my things.

As a generalized observation on personal blogging, I think self discovery through things like autism and ADD and other diagnoses, chronic illness survivalism, embracing depression and other mental illnesses- seeing ourselves through what we share with the world is the new human expression. Adding ourselves to the growing library of the internet is how we find ourselves in the global human race. Looking at ourselves and watching others look at us giving us ways to see ourselves through different eyes is our new method of healing. Learning to see each other, feel each other is the new age.

"I was here."

"I see that you are/were here, and I like what you did there."


It's been awhile since I had some Benny C on here.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

the celebrity death addiction thing

This is as far as we've gotten this weekend.
Despite sloughing off all those corporate and business accounts, my twitter analytics is insisting that my highest demographic is homeowners with good jobs (a third of you completed college) and a preference for premium brands, equally spread across political affiliations, and 18% of you purchased new cars in the last 6 months. Seriously, for real. It says that. Most of you prefer drama and comedy on TV, and sports is about equal with sci-fi for solid lifestyle interests. A little over 500 of you that I still follow are actual people and still currently active on social media.

In one year flat I reduced my twitter followers from nearly 3000 to just under 600 and didn't hurt my social media cred at all. My klout score has held rock steady in the 60s this entire time. 2016 is the year I proved that 'growth' does not equal WORTH. This is especially noticeable in my monthly impressions jumping another 100K the last couple of months, and if that doesn't mean anything (like I keep insisting), at least my daily/weekly/monthly engagements have held just as rock steady as my klout.

That's right, some of you just realized I'm doing the end of December stuff in November. This will probably be it for end of year assessment. Lotta people out there will be measuring 2016 in end of the year recaps by how many celebs died, by how crazy politics got, by how movies did at the box office, by Wall Street numbers, by trends in this and that games and software, by world catastrophic events, and that list just goes on.

I still have most of my friends. After 4 years. If you guys knew my personal history on the internet, that alone would sheath my house in gold.

@bonenado still has his job, despite the company he works for being on the market for nearly 3 years now.

I have gone nearly 3 years now without an autoimmune flare, and my health overall continues to be the best its been in my entire adult life since I changed everything in 2011.

I was talking with a friend the other day about how it feels when things are going good and you automatically think it means something bad is just around the corner.
[11/24/2016 4:10:38 PM] Pinky Robot: I'm a proactive doom & gloomer, too. I always ready for the other shoe to drop. But it's ok to enjoy the moment.
[11/24/2016 4:11:20 PM] Pinky Robot: And bad things sometimes happen because we're just being dumb and not paying attention.

And I was talking with @bonenado last night about how in shock everyone seems to be about celebrities dying all through 2016, and I was like- how was it any different from 2015, or 2014? Because those years sucked for celebrity deaths, too. And you know what? It's going to be like this from now on, because we grew up with these names and faces, we are ALL getting older, and now we're going to watch all of them steadily die off. This continual barrage of celebrity death shock is never going to end.

2017 is just around the corner. Celebrities we haven't lost yet who could go any time-
  • Harrison Ford (yes, all my readers just seethed and hissed at my blasphemy)
  • Morgan Freeman (omg, noooooooooo)
  • Donald Sutherland (srsly iconic)
  • William Shatner (I've already wept over the eulogy I wrote years ago, my most read piece EVER)
  • Christopher Lloyd (not Doc Brown!!!!)
  • Bill Murray (shtap already *weeping*)
  • James Earl Jones... 
And apparently I'm not the only one looking up "oldest celebrities still alive", because Google search filled most of that in for me by the time I'd gotten to "oldest cele". There are a LOT of people we're going to be losing over the next ten years, and as we age with them, as social media keeps us informed up to the minute and second, O Best Beloved (Kipling), we are going to hurt every time we watch parts of our lives 'die' with them.

This is the cruelty of social media. Mass mourning is a thing now. Some of us are learning to disengage from mass mourning because it triggers too much stuff, and we wind up plowing face into that nasty depression wrecking on the highway of life thing, over and over and over.

My 2017 isn't going to be like that. I'm not going to let social media jerk me around and make me feel helpless and sad. I'm going to expect the world to keep turning and things to work out, like they usually do, and I'm going to continue focusing on my goals and why I'm here.

We have another long month to go before the end of 2016. Will social media crash your holidays? They're not going to crash mine. Not this year. I did that crash thingy last year, it sucked, and I can't go there again.

I'm an alcoholic with a history of child abuse and emotional neglect. I'm just now coming to grips with the stoicism that a- kept me alive and b- lost me all my friends over and over. I'm an aspienado that tears down belief systems and rips off masks. I'm a mess and a pissy dragon that eats people's heads. I can't be going down into a weepy bottle every time a celebrity dies, because above all these things, I am an alcoholic with a history of multiple medication addictions. Even if these addictions are considered 'mild' by some doctors, they lasted for several decades and withdrawals were wicked as hell.

So I won't be joining any of you in condolences and lamentations and remembrances every time a celebrity dies. I'm still not over losing loved ones, and I still emotionally crawl through nearly every day. Mass mourning and addiction- wow. That's a cycle that will never. end.

I ran into a couple of outstanding articles yesterday.

Are You Being Gaslighted In Your Relationship? Dysfunction as a way of life. I see this all around me in a variety of expressive ways.

The Opposite of Addiction is Connection Totally nailed it. I got so lucky meeting @bonenado.

Depression over holidays is a real thing. Depression moves a lot of money into hands selling drugs, meds, and alcohol. You probably already know you're going to be depressed around whatever winter holiday you celebrate, even if you are singing all over your house while you decorate. You think you can beat it this year. You think you can show depression who's boss. And then that sucker punch will come- social media will hammer home someone you loved all through your childhood dying right around the big holiday, and you will fall. apart. Because that's the mask stuff over the real stuff. And you will reach for the nearest bottle of something to deal with it.

You're not weak for trying, and you're not weak for succumbing. You are hurting, and you need hugs and help.

international suicide hotlines
national domestic violence hotline (U.S.)
veterans crisis hotline
24 hour crisis hotline (depression)

Why Pinky is on social media- depression, suicide, and Pinky's revenge

Aspienado dealing with juggling chainsaws and eggs in public while living with depression and chronic illness on autism spectrum- ~metaphorically~

Holidays are hard. Pinky is hacking through the emotion jungle and drawing a survival map. We can do this.

I reprised the broken cheesecake. This is coffee and chocolate marble in a rice crumb crust. It's my fave holiday dessert nowadays because I'm diabetic and allergic to lemon pie (*snif*) and it's the lowest carb dessert I can find to make without fake sugar in it.

Crust- 1 1/4 graham cracker crumbs, 1/4 c sugar, 1/3 cup melted butter, stirred together and patted into pie plate. (I substitute 4C gluten free bread crumbs.)
Filling- Mix together 2 8-oz blocks of cream cheese, 1/2 c sugar and 1 tsp vanilla, then mix in two eggs.
For the mocha swirl, I pour half the batter into the crust and melt 1/4 c. chocolate chips on the side. Moisten 1 t. dried coffee in a drip of water, swirl into remaining batter, dollop half that onto the batter already in the crust. Swirl the melted chocolate into what's left of the batter, dollop the rest of that in between the coffee dollops. With a utensil, run lines through both ways and then on a slant both ways.
Bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes. Do NOT add a topping when it's done unless a label says it has no carbs because it's been replaced with artificial sweeteners. Fresh berries are ok if you don't add sugar to them, but please use your glucose meter to verify this and not my word.
This one's for Shatner still being with us and Nimoy for going on ahead and all of us left here in the wake. Bless the person who made it, and I don't know if it's the person who uploaded it, but that youtube account was created 5 years ago specifically to upload this vid. It's special, guys.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

crawling back out of 2016 like a mega creeper blast

Thinking of all the time reset memes for 2016, like we need someone to push the Omega 13 button, or where is Barry and that flashpoint when you need it, or if only Marty hadn't boinked up the old west, or...
New Year's Resolutions to date-
  • no new tags
  • don't buy myself any more ice cream
I nearly failed on that last one, but it's ok, I'm going to remake that failed cheesecake.

LAST YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS- You could click that, or I could paste it over.

I'm in a pretty deep funk, trying to hold my stuff together through holidays and another winter, got a pain level going and family drama and my self-incrimination is eating away at me again, like it does this time every year but hardly anybody knows about it because I really don't share it.

Every day I tell myself I can do this.

Every day I remember that I believe in what I'm doing.

Every day, no matter how bad I hurt or how sad I feel or how hard stuff seems, I remember that I'm back out public to be good for people.

And above all, I don't waste time feeling guilty over people who bring their problems on themselves. I'm sorry they're stuck like that, but dragging me down into it isn't going to get the bigger work done. I own that I'm a sucker, and I need to get off this wrong way track I've veered off on and GET BACK TO WORK.

I've decided I'm not going to talk to any more new strays, I'm going to stop responding to vague 'hows it going' chatter from people who can't be bothered to click a link, and I'm going to have a really good 20th anniversary year Lexxing with the fans, which means I'll have to reassess my social media priorities and stick to my gangs.

I think I just made my New Year's resolutions.

Of course, who could foresee the way the 20th Lexxversary would go down with all the MIAs and a number of other people hitting walls. If you think about it though, what a Lexxy way to go. 2016 monumentally sucked in so many ways for the world in general, so I'm just going to move past it and get my butt back in some kind of gear.

I say that, and in the back of my mind I'm dealing with stuff I'm not sharing, but it's nothing terrible or anything, just my regular personal rebounding off walls kind of thing.

I'm on a self imposed 30-day challenge with a very particular list that I've been trying to get to for months and for some reason looks especially daunting for no reason I can fathom, and true to my holiday ways, I'm in my typical aspienado meltdown/shutdown cycle. BUT THIS YEAR I AM WISER. We all saw what happened last year on twitter. That's not going to happen this year. Pond of Death was an emergency holding pattern until a good friend rescued me off the medias and diverted me into minecraft, which I feel has been one of the most life changing moves this spoonie aspie has ever made, so I'm going to be ok.

Still serious about the arms, though. Living through some suckage.

All these things being non poignantly restated (yes, non poignantly is two words, I looked it up), just a reminder that if I'm not talking to you on the medias (the ones who need to know these things are the ones who never click, alas), I'm saving your life. Poking me to be chatty doesn't score points with me. I actually laughed last night when a particular follower who deliberately poked and cajoled me to FOLLOW BACK and then ignored me from then on tweeted "I've quit tweeting at people who never engage unless I initiate it and likely you're muted or dropped." Srsly, right? I nearly muted, unfriended, and blocked on the spot just to get even for initially being poked for attention, but I am trying to be more human on the medias and let things slide by. Aspienado doesn't need to be stomping around like a Godzilla movie when someone irks my special sore spot. All I hafta do is patiently wait for that account to unfollow me first or go dormant long enough to assume he might not be coming back. Y'all know I'm good for it. Y'all saw me learning that 75% of the accounts I unfollowed were long abandoned. Y'all know that numbers mean nothing to me. Just clutter in the ol' closet.

Note driving my point home- PEOPLE mean stuff to me. Not numbers. Not abandoned accounts. PEOPLE. A handful of you may have noticed that some of my friends on the medias are pretty volatile and highly opinionated, and even though they may seem acutely abrasive, I like them. They are real people and talk to me. Also please note they don't *ahem* tag me a lot. REAL FRIENDS DON'T TAG YOU A MILLION TIMES A DAY. Not to hurt any feelings, and I do like being included in my gangs, but I still sometimes get upwards of several thousand tags a day in convos I'm not even part of, and I still read every single one even if you don't see me hitting *likelikelike*. While a lot of you out there doing the tagging get lost in the convos and miss half the things, I actually see #ALLTHETHINGS because I'm a readaholic speedster with a real compulsion problem, so all y'alls making your OCD jokes, live in my world sometime.

Ok, going off the rails... See, this is what holidays do to me. If I were a Time Lord, I'd make Missy look sweet.

I'm a whole frickin year behind in Doctor Who. THAT'S how messed up 2016 has been for me. Until I get caught up on Doctor Who, I will always feel like something's off. I may need to get on that this winter.

Friday, November 25, 2016

dishing on my messy life

This is Thanksgiving Eve with a disability. It was originally the most beautiful swirled mocha cheesecake I'd ever made, a first time experiment with a gluten-free crust. I don't share that much, but this is the kind of nerve fail in my arms I'm fighting to hold at bay. I've been told that once I lose especially ulnar in my left arm, I won't be getting it back. I have destroyed my phone case dropping it so many times, despite taping it back together several times, but since my phone still brilliantly works, that is one helluva good phone case protecting my phone.

I remember sending you a story about a dream I had where I watched a life from beginning to end. Not knowing who it was, passing judgment on that life. Then finally being reconnected with my memories to find that I had judged myself. No matter how hard I tried to think up a reason of how this was unfair, I could not.

My cousin and I have very interesting convos, like no other person I've met. We've both had near death experiences, DTs from severe withdrawals, and close enough childhoods to be able to compare really deep personal meanings we've come away with.

This was the other half of that cheesecake. I've taken things out of the oven a million times, and I assumed this would go per usual, except this time my left hand couldn't make a grip at all in that position, and without warning (there was no pain), there she went, and my right hand was all that barely saved that 350 degree dish from burning me or careening across the kitchen.

I have always loved the debate over the existence of God, because it is unsolvable, even with logic. I was taught to debate from a very young age, and although it's taken me years to let go of using it as a cat and mouse toy on other people, I still love it inside my head. Sometimes I try every way I can to prove God cannot exist (for fun and games, I am not an atheist by birth, or even by nature, as I have found out), but physics keeps changing my footing. I used to be able to stop at If there is no life after death and this universe is all that there is and we are made of and from this universe and nothing else, then we should not be able to conceive or believe in anything or anyone else after life, yet so much of the world does.

I unfolded the saved bit and dug around taking a few bites, and it was pretty awesome cheesecake. I had marbled the lighter coffee swirls and darker chocolate swirls like art, and had used the only cream cheese I had to construct it. This was it. So yeah, I stood there at the stove and ate some after I walked off for 5 minutes on the pissy edge of tears. I'm not very good at self pity and why me, though, so it didn't take long to turn into a pig.

We are learning there is so much more to this universe that I have to keep tacking on provisional statements. For example, the Ancient Alien theories suggest that humans were part of a long galactic history of DNA experimentation, with growing evidence to support that. If aliens were posing as or mistaken as gods and could bring humans back to life via resuscitation, naturally this could be jumbled into a mistaken afterlife concoction. Like that. I allow for side jaunts into all kinds of logic that would still support my main supposition even though the side jaunts are questionably- questionable...

@bonenado was awesome and cleaned up the mess after it cooled. You can see I'm really hard on my oven, lots of broiling and spattering, but oh so yum. He got in there and spiffed it up while I stood off to the side sampling the other half of the mess. We were making crazy funny jokes and laughing our heads off. He always saves my days.

Anyway, over a long time I'm kinda sifting down to a couple of conclusions. There is no logic for the fail we feel over broken relationships at death after decades of not fixing them, and there is no logic for dreams like my cousin shared with me about the kind of life review judging we dread. Notice that both these things are very strictly subjective and usually unexpected. We question these things. We don't know why they happen, and we see nothing in this universe around us, even incorporating the latest physics, that allows or explains why we feel sad and guilty when everything else is stripped away and we are left standing alone before God, as it were. And it's not even that God is the vindictive one. We are the ones who recognize we f*d up. We are the ones who, at the very end of things when time has run out and despite all the other wishes and dreams and regrets we ever had, judge ourselves based on the deeds we did while we were here.

Nothing else.

This was Thanksgiving morning. Right hand this time, grip completely relaxed without warning after cracking the egg for scrambled eggs. I've worked very hard for years on learning to hold my hands differently, using both hands together, standing over areas so I'll stop dropping bottles full of tiny pills all over the floor, plus 4 years of physical therapy. This is life. I need assistance with so many things. When a handicap button to a heavy door doesn't work, I can't get into a building. It's that simple. I'm sharing this part of my life to help some of you understand the challenges holidays can be for people you know but don't really think about. Get up and help people do their dishes after they've cooked for you. If it's a drag for you to clean, imagine the drag it was for them creating the mess and then having to clean up after you. You know what love is, Charlie Brown?
14 Simple Ways Peanuts Taught Us What Love Is (click)

Here are the books.
Love is Walking Hand in Hand
   (1965 edition)
Happiness is a Warm Puppy
Peanuts Guide to Life

From The benevolent God of the funny papers

Throughout his life, Schulz constructed himself as the put-upon target of others' ridicule or indifference, from schoolyard bullying to the plaint, repeated well into old age, that no one loved him. Michaelis identifies the artist's "lifetime inclination to conceal hurt and the harsher emotions that follow on it, the better to brood upon them"; but as he also shows, that hurt was often illusory, the betrayal a figment: no one else recalls the bullying, and Schulz was indeed loved deeply and well by many. Yet, perhaps due to the premature loss of his mother, he nursed forever the symbolic wound of emotional and social rejection. "Arrested, bitter," Michaelis writes, "he spent a startling amount of time over nearly 60 years polishing a cameo of boyish helplessness and frustration." It's a puzzle worth puzzling over: the stunted boy's resentment of a cold, motherless world takes perfect creative form in the hopeful, searching Charlie Brown.

Getting ready for holidays in Mirkwood.

My biggest fail is an auto anger response that flares up over way too many triggers, clear back to childhood. The resulting fallout from that is sadness and depression. I'm trying very hard to change that response. Life is way too short and we have way too much to lose for me to hang onto being petty and hurt. Since so much of this response is both genetic and trained into me from birth (and I would argue might even be the survival tactic that helped me make it this far), it's hard retraining my brain to let go of it. Feeling sorry for myself or being angry about something I have no control over isn't useful. It's actually even wasteful of resources and drains me.

I wish these could stay up all year.

I think the important thing is, now that I recognize I can attempt to control some of this emotional chaos within me, that I apply it before it's too late and I regret later that I didn't try. At the end I want to be able to say I'm glad I was here, I loved my people, and I think I did ok, even if it's illogical and there really is no God or life after death. That doesn't change that I want there to be, and that I want to go on learning and doing and being in a variety of new ways. I definitely don't want to spend my deathbed moments feeling sad or disappointed in myself because I dismissed the important stuff while I had the chance.

I can't go out on sappy. Here you go.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

disturbances kaleidoscopic


That's as close to a Thanksgiving autumn parade theme as the new emojis will get. There's no pie emoji. I don't have pie on my phone, either. What's up with that?

Lotta pie tweets in the gang last night. No one I know is making any piecaken. I can't eat any of it any more anyway, but piecaken fascinates me. Here is a Thanksgiving piecaken. Click it for the recipe. I think in the old days, I'd have tried making one just to see if I could.

I don't think we're doing much here this year. All I was going to make was an actual turkey, but I have been talked into pie. I said ONE pie. So I picked up a can of pumpkin, a frozen pie crust, and a can of redi-whip yesterday.

I'm feeling particularly brainless this week, but still on track with chores, $$, and calendar. Funny, even tweeting and barely looking at the TV, I was able to remember a bunch of stuff going on in Dirk Gently earlier this week and @bonenado was kinda lost, reverse of our usual. My fave character, naturally, is Bartine Curlish, the crazy homocidal holistic assassin, played by Fiona Dourif (her dad is a huge fave of mine, played Wormtongue in LOTR and many other parts and shows). BBCA says "Bart is a terrifying, homicidal, deranged, fearless, and nearly invincible self-identified holistic assassin. Like Dirk, she is a causality psychic. Bart doesn’t determine who she kills or when and how she kills them. It’s all instinctual. Drawn towards people who kill or endanger others, she feels a second nature urge to eliminate them, which she can do with very little effort. She’s rough, rude, kind of gross and an upsetting person, but there’s a complex sweetness to her. Bart is comfortable with who she is and unlike Dirk, she’s found peace with her power." How could I NOT be drawn to this character?

She went from this

to this, and if you click this next one, you can follow her on twitter.


Ok, switching gears. Let's talk Facebook and why I'm not on board. I kept getting notifications on my phone last night during The Flash about invitations to join messenger by a certain person, and since that person is who they are, I had my doubts. Facebook has done this to me before, throwing a name out here or there saying they're inviting me to join messenger. I finally got on my laptop last night and direct messaged and found out not only was this person NOT initiating contact, but was just arriving home from a funeral. So not cool, Facebook.

Facebook is one of the most intrusive social medias I've ever used. I've complained about it for years, to the point of deleting and not using it one year. I'm back on it as part of my social media hub and for Lexx stuff, but I am keenly aware that Facebook auto-shares my personal and private info behind my back in so many ways that I cannot find every single setting there is to turn that off. On top of that, Facebook looks into my phone AND my hard drive to continually suggest many things to me, from friends to shopping, and in some cases has made some very faux pas assumptions about mixing bad blood kind of history. And by bad blood, I mean possibly dangerous. If I'm getting these suggestions, then they probably are, too.

After last night's extremely awkward and poorly timed contact, I loathe Facebook more than ever. I think I may be tweaking a few more settings. Also, I will NEVER use a Facebook messenger app on my phone, so if any of you ever receive invitations from me, it's not me because I don't have the messenger app installed. I also have the chat feature turned OFF on my laptop. I've still been allowing nonfriends access to private contact since that is the only way some people can get hold of me, but it's so rare that anyone actually does that I ignore it for days, and have been known to miss seeing a message for 2 years.

Some of you may think I live in the stone age, but I still have quite a number of your personal contact details against my every wish because social medias and Android are so grab happy about info swapping and sharing. Trying to stay public every day against this kind of instrusiveness has been very facepalm for aspienado. I could go on into the ways I'm dealing with anxiety over this (my physical therapist was impressed yesterday how long I've stuck through psychological therapy), and I've actually got an eye twitching just writing this paragraph. Just started. Maybe I'd better switch gears again.


I think between Thanksgiving and Christmas I'm going to divert into a side project and see if I can stay on track getting through it before the holidays are over. I'll still be tweeting and movie gang and minecraft and stuff, but hopefully I can stay focused and get myself back onto the main track for 2017. I've dropped a lot of stuff juggling through this year and I need to get my focus back.

I'm also thinking about a new sox direction. O_O Yes, you heard me.

Happy Turkey Bird, fellow 'Muricans!

Monday, November 21, 2016

floating on track

5 ingredients-
  • whatever cauliflower that's left from salads that you can't force yourself to finish raw, boiled and drained
  • whatever is left from an open can of evaporated milk after you've used most of it in a recipe, warmed in empty cauliflower pan after cauliflower is cooked
  • about an inch slice off a regular size block of velveeta, warmed in the milk until it stirs in
  • onion powder to your liking, I accidentally dumped nearly a teaspoon but this is very edible, I like onion flavor
  • the rest of the cooked peppered bacon that is way too spicy to finish up and you're sick of it
Awesome soup. Wait, the flavor and texture is much better than that, lemme try again.

Behold, awesome soup.

Still euphorically floating around and kinda forgetting to eat (which makes good soup awesome), but actually got a nap after several days of around 5 hours of sleep a night, so yay. Figured maybe now is a good time to get hold of photobucket since I'm too weird to be bitey. How's this for succinct?

Subject: login issues- Upload forces relogin, can't upload for 5 days


Concerning account "(me)"

Every time I click 'upload' I am force logged off. Clicking 'upload' takes me straight to 'login' and I login over and over trying to do an upload. This happens on every browser I try.

Everything else is working fine. I have been a pro user for years. I even beta tested a new feature one year.

I have not received any kind of acknowledgement that my last email (in this forward) was received or that this issue is being looked into.

I'm staying calm in epic facepalm. I use photobucket heavily for international forum and fan site readership, and photobucket is the mainstay of most of my blog building. Please fix this.

Thank you,

By the way, photobucket is having some really sweet holiday shopping deals, so you better jump on those. https://print.photobucket.com/

Maybe I should send an email to paper.li about their bot swarms...

Anyway, since I can't get this into photobucket at this specific size, I'm going to put it here and see if I can hotlink it to where I want it to go in a widget, ok? Ok.

I mean, I have that around in other places, but I wanted that particular snip. And now it's getting late, so I'll finish playing with it later, whenever that is. I have stuff in town the next 2 days, and I'm pretty sure I'll feel a little beat up from physical therapy, plus getting ready for Thanksgiving. I've noticed I'm already starting to emotionally disengage and @bonenado talking to me is like through a filter where I'm only half aware of even interacting, so aspienado is already having a tough time staying on the holiday slide.

I need emergency Christmas music, STAT.

slapping Monday back like

Eye goo.

All that fun rakey rakey, right? I stayed indoors and watched out a window, but it all dragged in anyway. Time to strip the house again. Even @bonenado is a snot monster, and if *he's* bad...? It's bad.

People who also deal with chronic skin conditions have even more fun during allergy flares, just by systemic histamine spike immune response association. I have a mild 3x4 area on one lower leg for a couple of years that's barely even visible but responds to absolutely nothing but leaving it the hell alone, or it'll look the f* like hell, dammit (srsly, what did I do to piss off those skin cells???) For some reason that's the only spot, but I know a few people who tolerate way more.
Psoriasis vs Eczema: What is the difference? View 18 Photos
Anyway, mine flared up into the Itch From Hell last night during The Walking Dead while my eyes melted into this caterpillar in pupal stage goo, so I feel for everyone going into Thanksgiving with this kind of stuff going on. If being infected with the zombie virus would mean living without histamine response, I'd take it in a heartbeat. I'm usually past all this by mid-November, but autumn was late this year, then suddenly arrived like the Biebster, and now the exit flourish is destroying some of us. To people who don't experience allergies-

  • Take a day off from complaining about other stuff
  • Go outside and breathe deeply and ENJOY THIS PLANET
  • Share your joy about this big beautiful space ball we live on

Thank you.

Ok, it's Monday, I have to strip my house and go through another little bottle of eye drops.

I was looking for a Monday before Thanksgiving demotivational theme, wound up in Black Friday parodies, then hit gold with a minecraft parody of "Friday". 2.3M views don't lie. And now I'm stuck in "Friday" parodies. Happy Monday, guys. You're welcome.

4.8M views. Where have I been?

K, back to something that will actually help me go get things done.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

turkey bird week, GO!

I've decided this boinging awake in the 2 a.m.s now instead of the 3 a.m.s must be me flying through some kind of super euphoria and I can't feel it that much because of the gabapentin. I'm still eating, thank goodness. The first super euphoria I went through without any meds lasted 12 days and I practically stopped eating and sleeping the ~entire time~. It. was. awesome. but the crashing back down kinda sucked, and my psychiatrist seemed relieved this fall when I said I'm on gabapentin now.

Watch me wind up sleeping through Macy's parade...

Stuff from yesterday-
  • Amy talked me into keeping Pinky Press Review, and that felt good
  • Pat and Myke got the movie gang rocking again on SyfyDesigns and that felt good
  • I polished off a big load of pan roasted parmed brussels sprouts with a splash of aged balsamic, and while that felt really good at first, later I  had a tummy ache, so maybe don't eat a quart of brussels sprouts in one go next time.



I can even search by drawing one to look for a match.

All righty, then, I am go for emojis. Wow. 🦃 Happy Turkey Bird!

Photobucket has not yet gotten back to me on not being able to upload anything for several days, but I'm too floaty to care right now. I've had a pro account forever, but they're ridiculously difficult to get hold of, so I dunno. If I had staff I'd just toss this problem at someone else, so I tossed it to Yablo, who was tunneling deep under an extreme biome yesterday and didn't care. I angled a beautiful 45 degree angle tunnel up through the highest point and emerged over a breathtaking view, which is pretty much Happy Land for me. I really dig dwarf mines on LOTR. Get it? Dig. Nvrmnd.

Random Batman pix. Someone has discovered the joys of button pushing, aka doorbell.

And popcorn!

And that Santa is an ok dude.

It's been a very long year, but also a very good year. Nonstop allergies, viruses, and the big dentist thing, but autie finally eating some finger foods, venturing into verbal, and even hamming for a camera is amazing. I am extremely proud of his mommy and daddy for being cool with making it ok to be himself, and thrilled that his doctor is into nutrition boosting early development. I didn't get any of that at his age (I was punished and fussed at a LOT on a daily basis for years), and I wasn't the greatest interactive mommy (although I did turn the corner on let's cut the crap with this punishment thing), but generational autism spectrum isn't the big bad doom and gloom it used to be, and I'm pretty sure Batman has got a lot of surprises for us in future.

My mother never knew I was one of the smartest people in my entire school. She didn't understand that stuff, and she couldn't get past me being a behavioral problem. She never knew her granddaughter was one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life because she was too busy trying to fix her with health food store stuff, like she tried to fix me. And my mother never lived long enough to see her great grandson, even though she could have if she had complied with doctors taking care of the diabetes ravaging her. I don't want to miss the opportunities to see how beautiful my children are.

My other kiddos were over yesterday, and I enjoyed them so much. Bunny and Spiderman are a blast together, and the hot chocolate after this was really fun. Bunny wound up with a tiny little Doctor Strange goatee around her mouth, should have gotten a picture.

Friday, November 18, 2016

last week's movie gang chat room watch

I'm giving up on photobucket this week and using Pinky blog to host these pix for SyfyDesigns so I can copy-paste this over. (copy here)

Last weekend we got movie gang together again so we can compare chat rooms. Myke has recently done a major upgrade on SyfyDesigns (plz note it's been around for 10 YEARS and is a registered domain *applause*), so Myke is very serious about this chat room testing stuff. I'm arguing with him about ease of use over cost efficiency and control over security features, but it's ultimately up to the chat room users what you guys prefer- what is easiest to use across devices, etc. There are pros and cons galore, and we may be testing both chat rooms simultaneously LIVE every time we host a linked movie gang watch through the winter. More info HERE.

As promised, I got screen shots from last week's watch party, and this will be my test to see if SyfyDesigns still limits to 10 media loads per frame.

Our watch parties are a riot.  photo 17happyrock.gif

Due to differing time zones, holidays, work schedules, family time, and health needs, not all of us can get together when we want to as often as we want to. Our group loves this decompression time together, as you can imagine, and we've all been sad lately not having it to touch base.

Please emblazen this into your brains- THE CHAT ROOMS ARE OPEN ALL THE TIME. If you can't get into a chat room, grab @ekym and TELL HIM.

The goals Myke has for SyfyDesigns are simple-

  • Hipster galaxy coffee shop for scifi fans & tech nerds, etc
  • Dive bar for spaceship crews needing hang outs together

SyfyDesigns is created by a big nerdy fan FOR FANS. The reason it has restricted registration is so Myke can hold the spambot attacks down, and believe me, they can get nuts, hundreds a day. Registration allows our content to stay clean from internet VD.

If you would like to register, we would love to have more writers. A number of us are big comics, TV show, movie, and gaming fans, plus there is room in the forum for all kinds of other interests, like pets, hobbies, tech support ideas and questions, just an easy place to hang out.

I have been using SyfyDesigns as a traffic driver to my writing in other places, and am lately appreciating that I can transfer archive materials for backup safekeeping.

If you love writing, whether it's reviews (both recap and speculative) or your own fiction ideas or simply want or need a place to share without having to maintain your own site, SyfyDesigns is a great place to play and share. It's well seen and provides supplement link support back to your own projects.

Disclaimer notice- SyfyDesigns is currently a not for profit site and content is not paid for. Submitted content is the property of the creator, and if SyfyDesigns must be held responsible for its content, then that content could be removed if it crosses lines of reasonable respect and courtesy into racial, sexual, religious, or political tension. SyfyDesigns is about fans finding welcome and camaraderie, not winning arguments. Rants, instigatory poking, and mocking at others' expense could mean being banned.

This also applies to using the chat room during movie watches to rally block parties on other social media. This. will. get. you. banned. The chat room movie watches are for movie watches, not hate rallies.

All these things will be posted in appropriate places on SyfyDesigns soon. Takes time.


Nice convo with Slidecage on twitter last night, but if you know anything about the show Sliders, you can spot the curse here.

The Dream Masters was actually a pretty scary episode. This wiki briefly explains why, and this review shows why this ep is actually a thriller classic along the lines of thriller parody for realz hallmark kind of thing, and probably one of the reasons Syfy picked it up the next season when Fox dropped it. Jerry O'Connell had much more to say on that controversy last spring.
Jerry O'Connell Reveals the Checkered History of 'Sliders' and a Potential Reboot
There's actually quite a lot written and archived about this old series because it was such a groundbreaker in scifi at the time, so if you want more info, just search it.

Btw, Jerry O'Connell saw the convo and liked one of the tweets. If you loved Sliders and want to see more, that convo starts here.

Also, I'm still immortalized from the olden days on these fansites, and I think it's wicked cool that my old nick still links to my original AOL fan scifi fan group Yablo's Timewarp.
Sliders DoC: S4 On-Set Photos - The Dimension of Continuity
More actual behind the scenes info on that photo-
Behind the Scenes - Jerry's Double – SLiDERS DiMENSiON

I've come out as the original YabloVH, which was one of my first aliases in fandoms. Me and Sliders go waaaay back. I would so love to see the original roles reprised in a reboot series.

But what was your nightmare? some of you are asking. Srsly. Long ugmo nightmare short, some idiot woman I can't stand (but can't remember at all now that I'm awake???) tried to have me thrown in jail over something ridiculously stupid (some kind of arson, but actually, I was much guiltier than she imagined, she'd have had a field day), and I only escaped by hiding out with Eugene from Preacher, and we wound up making out in a cattle water tank with me on top wondering if I could get away with drowning him.

Yes, one of those holy cow waking up thingies. I'm all wth and wtf and sipping coffee trying to distract myself with last night's convo and the minecraft post I'm working on for Bluejacky blog.

Wait, hang on. I think I'm awake enough now to handle a Lexx fanfic someone linked me to in the night. THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO SEND ME FANFIC. Ok, here you go. It's not too long, just click it. btw, NOT linking any more. And beware- the Amish have cats.

For those who don't know, this is Valdron's disclaimers for use with fanfic. Simply stating "Valdron's disclaimers" without even linking to it isn't a valid disclaimer.

Stanelle was the very first Lexx fan who contacted me with a serious question when I first started fan blogging Lexx.

See what I did there? I distracted ALL of us from my painfully stupid nightmare. I will srsly be facepalming all day over that one.

I need go juice.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

seriousness srsly getting seriouser

After a string of 5-6 hour nights since the time change, got one of my rare 8 hour nights last night. Now I'm ready to work and fighting with photobucket over login, whee. I've been riding out upgrades and code tweaks since 2005 with no regrets, but once in awhile we do a sort of Indian wrestling contest before I get the thumbs up to enter. Ah, I can see my account now. No, I still get the boot on upload. Guess I'll go back later. Crossing my phalanges they're just working on coding again because of the BIG NEW SALES THEY KEEP HAMMERING MY EMAIL WITH. #facepalm In my long experience, 3-5 a.m. is maintenance hours, so I guess I'll just do that work later.

Bunny is learning our names. Sploit named me "Janik" when she was four, and it has always stuck. Bunny is three and I hear she just named Papa "Spock". All the Scotts out there- Scott is Earthspeak for "Spock". #thumbsup

Yesterday was the closest thing to an actual business meeting that I've had a very long time. Myke and I met in chat and eventually moved to private and talked about SyfyDesigns stuff. It's been an idea sort of on hold with mostly me playing in what I dub the empty hallways, but I think it's nearly ready to bloom into its originally intended galaxian hipster coffee shop / spaceship dive bar.

Our opinions about the medias-
  • Facebook is trying too hard to 'do it all' and ultimately cosmically failing at providing a place designed for hang outs. The 'scifi' gangs and groups there don't work in a way where it's easy to see archives, or even last week's discussions if the group is busy enough.
  • Twitter is great for live tweeting, in the moment gabbing, and archived convos, but so quickly gets jumbled that even the most ardent payer attentioner can sometimes lose track of hundreds of notifications, and the convo threads splitting don't always stay connected to original thread when one is backtracking.
  • Reddit is simply just really hard to read and not at all useful for gang hanging outing.
  • G+ is great for mass distribution but it doesn't draw crowds. At all.
In the old days, fandoms used forums and chatrooms. Believe it or not, those have been quietly evolving in the business world and have turned into sleek limo style high security hosts that can be adjusted down to micromanagement of individual IP masking for clients who'd like to remain anonymous. Usually that sort of thing is bulldozed by the host and people get lost in conglomerates pushing worldwide connecting upping and then fun things happening, like having to submit grievance forms regarding stalkers and ID ripoffs. Yours truly has actually had to report a false Pinky pretending to be me (Janika Banks) in another country because facebook is so connect happy that IDs can be ripped and copied.

SyfyDesigns is owned and operated by a person who has managed business level forums and long dreamed of one day hosting a fun scifi board for people to hang out. It's been a registered domain for some time now, requiring registration for forum interaction and blog posting so that spam could be controlled. Guys, I've watched spam hammering old forums from an admin POV, it super sucketh. For Myke to have gone all these extra steps and the extra mile keeping this forum secure and holding its place all this time with out of pocket expense shows me this is solid planning with clear goals toward the future. All the view counts you see are genuine people, and there are some impressive view counts there for such a slow forum.

We believe forums will be making a comeback as other social medias continue to outgrow themselves and start to decay. Forums allow international readership and interaction, which is awesome for fandoms. They are easy for finding topics and archives and following threads. They are very easy to join, and even better- Myke's SyfyDesigns forum has the most beautiful text editor of any forum I've seen. You no longer have to know or wrangle with BBC code (but you still can if you want to). We are talking WordPress level text editor.

Chatrooms are their own animals. I've used a number of chatrooms through the years, and while I think they're great for real time grouping up like we do with movie gang, they can be a little costly. Myke has graciously paid for chat capability for some time, and this winter we'll be test driving and comparing chatrooms. The latest comparisons are being made between Rumbletalk and Mibbit's  IRC style. It's kind of boiling down to ease of use vs micromanaging security.

Still can't upload. I could blame our President-Elect, whatever good that would do (you guys realize he doesn't actually have any POWER yet, right? And when he does he won't be a dictator... get a grip) (I didn't vote for either one of the top 2 candidates, y'all could've totes turned that mess into an entirely different thing noticing other names on the ballot, you know that), anyhoo, guess I'll keep finding other things to do.

TODAY. Money $$$. I have a big spit test payment to make, get those rolling into auto-pay. Still worth knowing I'm not a genetically inclined carrier for key cancers, so that's my Christmas present to my kiddo and the rest will be a little tight till that's paid off. I'm thinking about letting favstar go this year. I've had my fun with it, but I'd rather spend that on Minecraft. Also thinking about letting statcounter expire. I'll still have a free account for immediate tracking, but all the archives will go away. It was fun, too, but honestly, with all the masking people do nowadays, it's just not that useful for actual data, especially when half my readers are coming in through Google translate or referring from facebook. Those are both excellent data masks.

7 days till Thanksgiving! My fave thing about this time of year is all the produce suddenly spiffs up into best of the best, so we're diving back into salads. I cooked a little peppered bacon ahead and chunked some up into my big ol' chef's salad last night, super yum.

By the way-
The Muppets Will Brave Manhattan’s Crushing Holiday Crowds to Lead the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
Also- Who Will Participate In The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
Just thought you might wanna know. Was hoping we'd see some Doctor Strange, but oh well.

Watch this vid, it's amazing.

Using Minecraft to become part of the Doctor Strange world? Yes, please!

Ug, still waiting on photobucket. May as well get all over folding some laundry and a couple other things before offices open up and I can start making phone calls. Last time photobucket had a code fix it took a few hours. I can get to all my other stuff, just can't upload anything new yet.

Work music! Pick your poison. Some material might be NSFW.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

no new tags

HY-VEE HAD CHEESE. Behold my pre-holiday haul.

I can relax now...

I know, I look like a crazy survivalist to people who don't have a clue what it's like for the nearest actual civilization to be more than ten miles away (30 miles in the other direction). Having a little gas station, an outlying bank, a teeny weeny post office, and a school a bit closer doesn't count. If you think in spaceship show terms, my area is like a tiny outpost in the neutral zone in the vast expanse of space between humans and Klingons. It really is a big deal when I have to drive 30 miles one way to get more than Kraft cheddar blocks. Don't even talk to me about Cracker Barrel. I'll contend with Lisa Marie Bowman that at least one good thing comes out of Vermont, and that's Cabot's seriously sharp cheddar, plus I picked up the Australian cheddar again, which is has a lovely bite. I've got both Reypenaer and Rembrandt aged goudas to compare. Next time I get over that far I'll probably try an aged Manchego (Spain). There was one beautifully oranged laced marble looking cheese called Dragon's Breath that wasn't a bleu, but I didn't look where that one came from and I seriously doubt I'd ever eat, but it was so cool that I had to pick it up and look at it.

I made my first pre-New Year's resolution the other day to buy no more ice cream the rest of the year. I just made my second pre-New Year's resolution-


Every little bit when my brain is useless and I still feel like being busy, I work on thinning out my tag cloud. I've slowly been eliminating most of the tags I've used only once. No sense using a tag at all if you don't go anywhere else when you click it, right? I mean, I could use it to find stuff in Pinky blog faster, but half the time I used tags willy nilly without that sense of my own library purpose, so that's actually useless even in an alphabetized drop down list of tags. Another example of tightening up my tag cloud is looking for similar tag groups, like autumn, autumn leaves, and autumn peak and fixing them to just all be tagged autumn.

I have a million tags...

So, double on therapies yesterday. Physical therapy was back to a fairly grueling ASTYM, and the rest of the year I'll be alternating every week between that and the spine guy who'll keep working on parasympathetic response, and then my psychologist visit is venturing into a new direction that, even though I've started dealing with on Pinky blog, I'm not ready to talk about yet. It's a little disturbing finding out people you come from could have been targeted for experimentation. Those of you compelled to dig for truthing in politics might be interested in this article. From there, I really think we need to learn as a society the importance of not purposely triggering each other. People who are easily triggered into depression and meltdowns just over mentioning candidacy are, in my opinion, high risk, and suicide can be part of the conditioning.

My first step into all this many years ago was a sudden interest during my sociology degree in college in Durkheim's social theory on suicide.
The Study of Suicide by Emile Durkheim
If he is correct, then suicide is a social 'disease'. Humans are very group oriented with an innate very early propensity to peer pressure, and this can affect us all our lives. To venture into the sordid underground of groupthink and doublethink conditioning as a root cause of social suicide disease is a big thing. If I were a professor steeped in a thesis project, that would be the bomb. And honestly and very personally, I believe this process is already so much a part of us that we don't even blink any more, and it would mean almost nothing in real terms to simply point it out, even with hard evidence. Everything nowadays is simply drowned out in volumes of reshare and opinionating everything under the sun. The hashtag "is not my" whatever (Cubs, Trump, whatevs) is proof how easily distracted and refocused we are. Just turn anything you want into a suggestible spew game, all the rest is drowned out.

In way more benign but super interesting thoughts, I also ran into the most outstanding article I've read to date about fibromyalgia last night.
The History of Fibromyalgia may be longer than you thought
Mine is super severe, and I'm pretty much on leading edge with treatment and functional survival without a lot of big pharma, and given how common and genetic they're finding out this actually is, I really hope the documentation going into the notes on everything we're doing in physical therapy helps other people. Extensive notes have been made on local muscle/fascia/nerve problems and responses to treatment, and it's clearly a whole body response malfunction. I can't stress enough how big a deal it is to come back from near immobility and crashing immune system fail from severe fibro being impacted by untreated diabetes and autoimmune flares during several big viral infections that even moderately impacted my brain. Hurting is not a joke, and people who say they're hurting aren't hypochondriacs. No one wants to hurt. It's taken me decades to reach this point of being taken this seriously, but I had to get serious enough myself to pursue it. I also had to take the chicken-egg debate on full force and fight my way through the idea that depression caused my pain. Like I said- no one wants to hurt. My depression cycles follow a pain pattern that follows a weather pattern, etc, and I had to blog for years to see that pattern expressed. If you are a chronic spoonie and not journaling, START. *NOW*. You might just save your own life. Journaling would also be a useful tool for caretakers. Not everyone can do their own blogging.

Meanwhile, Bing keeps noticing my java probs on Chrome and keeps offering to be my bestie, since it hogs all the java for itself. I almost fell for it until it offered to download Chrome into its own holding cell, and I was all backing off going OK, thanks, it's been great, but... *turn and run*.

Also, side note, this is my third Thursday this week. For some reason I wake up thinking every day is Thursday now. It's taking all my will to bend my mind back to what day it actually is. Today I'm going with the mantra "Tomorrow is Thursday", because I cannot bring my brain around to "Today is Wednesday". It's been weird.

Minecraft 1.11 is out. I've already been bitten by one of the new werewolves. It makes you super hungry and  you hafta fight and eat at the same time before you die from hunger. I haven't seen a llama yet. I've also learned to enchant, but I'm saving that for my Bluejacky blog. That blog never used to be bothered, but it's getting about one spam hack attempt a day now, so between that and Pinky blog, I'm wondering if blogger in general is having a hard time with germs. The activity isn't off the charts or anything, but someone has found a way through trash protocols. Surveypalooza doesn't seem to be affected at all. Yep, it's still France making its way through accessible associated accounts. Not sure if this is related, but I had to change my Minecraft password twice within 6 days. Minecraft necessarily uses java, and java is probably the problem because the paper.li embed code I took off Pinky blog used java.

This post got a big more intense than intended. Let's get silly with an oldie but goodie. Cheers to those of you already experiencing real Thursday.

Monday, November 14, 2016


Ah-HA! My scales are lying to me! Thought I'd step off and step back on, totes got a whole different number. Guess it's time to cave and get a new one. Maybe we're in battery death or something.

I remember when I brought this one home, everyone was ticked that it added 5 pounds.  photo 17happyrock.gif

Not saying it's boring now, but I fell asleep during The Walking Dead last night and missed the live tweet. ~sorrynotsorry~ We'd had such a big day, between @bonenado finally getting a deer, putting the first of the lights up, and getting a bunch of vacuuming and other cleaning done. Here, I'll toss a couple of pix here, heads up for the deer pic.

Ok, keep scrolling so it's off your screen.






Missouri has been back and forth on button bucks (partly in response to some kind of deer disease that periodically sweeps across the U.S. and affects hunting regulations because population controls), but it's still legal and hard to tell from a doe in this level of bracken, even through a scope.

I've about decided I've got a very sophisticated pingback bot looking for a way into Pinky blog. This particular country is very unusual for bot patrols on my blogs, and the last time I had a bot like this was from the Ukraine and it turned out to be an app probing for a hack entry. The only thing I can think of that connects me to France, in a rather strong way actually, is my paper.li newspaper (Pinky Press Review on twitter, auto payments go to a corporate street address in France). They made a big change a few weeks back, restructured how manual controls over content works (I don't like it), and for some reason that change obliterated the embed coding for my blog here, so I just took it out. SO. I'm this close to concluding that they've picked up internet VD of some kind since this big change that is probably ping swarming all their clients now. It started within the last 2 weeks, the same posts keep getting hit over and over like rote every so many hours, and I'm wondering if it's activating in sync with a staff member logging in. The time zone kind of corroborates.

I've been thinking about dropping paper.li for awhile. Maybe it's time to just let it go. I had a good run with it, it was fun to a point, but I can't say I'll look back that fondly on all the content wrangling I kept having to drag through. Maybe I'll let the Pinky Press Review run up through the holidays, and then start 2017 fresh without it.

I just wanna say I have NEVER been bot swarmed in any fashion by SyfyDesigns, and I have links back to Pinky blog and Lexxperience all over that place. Myke has been really tight with his spam controls, and I sincerely appreciate it.

TODAY. Continue the excavation I started in my kitchen yesterday, money and calendar sync, finish up laundry, catch up the dishes, and hopefully keep working on my list thingy. I've been scattered off and on, but haven't been THIS scattered since I went public again. Srsly need to get on the scattered thing with the list thing.

TOMORROW. Physical therapy, psyche guy, and Hy-Vee for CHEESE. I have looked high and low for several different reserve aged cheeses I enjoy, not finding them *anywhere*. The only place left to look now is Hy-Vee. I live in a strange area, between a super church and lots of other churches and a gathering of wealthy families in our touristy-manufacturing-giant retail metro spread and several big feeding the homeless type operations, stores get wiped out very quickly and regularly for upcoming par-tays and soirees, and this is not the first major hunt I've gone on before holidays. And if Hy-Vee is also wiped out, I'll be looking into an actual cheese store, but I know from experience that doesn't always get me the cheese I want. Had a long talk with a cheese guy one year about how this area really isn't into the finer cheeses, and I was like dude, you run a cheese store, get this cheese in and FIND OUT. A good imported aged cheese lasts awhile, it's not like he's going to lose perishable inventory right away.

Kinda reminds me of the year I looked for saffron *everywhere*. We have it now, but a few years back, no one knew what I was even talking about. I was like hellooooo, we live in a high import area, I can find things from Asia many Americans wouldn't even know exist except for food shows, Indian-American professors and doctors abound here, how can you not know what saffron is??? Meanwhile, I could get cactus, tomatillos, and purple cauliflower...

Anyway. Cheese irk. All I ask for is an aged gouda. I was actually able to find it for awhile. It's gone again. Wah and grrrr. Ok, I ask for other cheeses, too, but you know what I mean. No, I don't want your smoked gouda. Who is wiping out all the good cheeeeeeeese???? STOP THAT.

Aged. Gouda. Gimme.