-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Tuesday, February 20, 2018

We Are Pinky

And then I remember who I am and everything is ok again.

hating on my life for a brief moment

You know how you do stuff because someone else pushes you into it, and you go ok because that's the only way you really seem to get to do anything with that person, and then once you get into it they either get busy or lose interest, and then you're doing it by yourself, right. That happens to me over and over and over. My family, my friends, nearly everyone I interact with.

Sometimes I try to turn it around, let's do what I want to do, and they rarely follow me into what I like, or if they do they kinda misinterpret and send me into facepalm fails and I have regrets galore. So I have learned to just stop showing people what I really like. I mean, even on Pinky blog, you guys really don't have a clue what I really really like.

Finding something to enjoy with someone is hard. Finding someone who fills a spot where both just enjoy hanging out is rare and precious. When I see people who understand this, I feel less alone. When I see other people who can't imagine being this lonely, I feel jealous.

Anyway, so I have adapted to something I got pulled into, I remember balking at the start about the goals and how much work it looked like and way too interactive, and now I'm actually doing it and enjoying it immensely, and I'm feeling left behind again.

Trying new things for other people can't be a thing any more. I have spent so many hours of my life adapting to other people's whims or lifestyles. If I were to add up all those hours, counting all my family, we're talking decades of my life.

It's weird reaching a place and suddenly realizing I didn't get to do what *I* want to do with my own life. Much of the rebellion was escape or distraction. Much of the settling was with the idea that eventually I'd be happier with people than without them, or at least less alone. Oddly, the blaring reality is how alone I feel with people around me everywhere. But at least I can say I tried.

I know a lot of people don't get to do what they want, but one of the incongruities was that my dad did, and he's the most alone person I know. He got to do the motorcycles and exotic hunting on horseback, the traveling, the big ranching and farming. He got to dabble in all the little dreams, and he had money tied up in it.

I always dreamed of traveling, but I kept winding up with the wrong people. I always dreamed of having my own place, but again, wound up with the wrong people for that. So many people have directed my life path without even noticing or caring what I even wanted, that if I don't just point blank say it out loud, my own husband doesn't have a clue. And it's not because he's mean. He's just excruciatingly in his own head doing his own thing his own way. So many people are just born like that.

And then I see people once in awhile who actually get to make all their own life choices, and they complain about so many little things in their day that I feel like tearing my hair out. They chose it and it's still not good enough to embrace. Actually getting to choose and execute one's own will on one's own life is so rare.

If I were to say what I'm really thinking I would lose everyone. I have no one to talk to that wouldn't stab me in the back or walk away and never speak to me. Weirdly, I watched someone else go through this same problem recently, and the fallout that created. I know I can't behave like that.

If I could change one thing in my life right now, I'd make myself not allergic to anything so I could eat a great big sandwich and a bunch of guacamole. If any of you out there run into this and you're feeling all glum and stuff, cheer up and go eat a f*ing sandwich, because I can't. Just go do something while you still can and don't whine about it making you fat. Good lord.


Monday, February 19, 2018


*Head spins looking at the weekly/monthly charts I made at the beginning of the year. What was I thinking?*

Woke up to thunderstorms, so that nixed downloading the server updates. I have less than 6 hours till I pick Bunny up for an appointment, plus stuff I need to do in town when we go in. I had a rock solid plan to sling rugs and curtains into the wash this morning while I sparkle the kitchen floor back to unicorn status, and nothing in brain or body this morning is remembering that was a plan. The gung ho is gone. >=l After a weekend blitzing puke bedding (thank you, Bunny) and nearly everything else washable in this house at the tail end of 2 very long weeks of back to back viruses heavily laced with Hulked up seasonal allergies (yes, allergies in the winter, who's with me on evergreen trees pollinating?), I just don't feel like caring. Because the fail is happening this morning, I have peeled all the rest down in my brain to nothing else gets done till THAT gets done, and we all know how I dread things piling up, which is why I'm a washaholic, so I'm focusing on imaging how delighted I'll be when the floor really is done vs wandering off to do something else. Like blog...

At least I'm documenting whining about it.

Still coughing. Still surfing on antihistamines around the clock. Came this close to hitting my prednisone backstock yesterday but finally kicked the cough for a bit with extra benadryl. I feel like a dried out pickle. What's grosser than a limp dried out pickle.

Meanwhile. Ok, there is no meanwhile. There is nothing but a downpour outside and my body actually protesting coffee this morning because coffee makes the dried up pickle feeling grosser.

Now it's 5 hours. I was updating new link html elsewhere, not associated with Pinky. Guys, I have met my match. I have found people who literally live in the matrix and work nearly nonstop because they're addicted to it. If I manage to keep up with them, I'll be uber conquering if I can also manage to keep my fleet going.

Oh, yeah, THAT is what the weekly/monthly lists were for. Gotcha.

Doesn't make me want to do the floor, though. I may hafta pounce and wrangle myself into force mopping. It's not pretty, but it works. Ah, just scared the minions, now they're begging for chocolate to make up for it. I know what they're doing, they think that will soothe big bad me back down into distraction, so NO WAY! Ha.

Yes, I am that cruel, I torture my own self.

*getting the chocolate chips*


I might've misread that. As soon as I got up to get those, I felt like doing stuff. Nothing like a double agent slick move there. I can't keep up with all that stuff in my head. Whatever.

I've got a floor to clean. A friend of mine in Brazil just charted in English book sales after translation from Portuguese and I'm still sitting here fighting with myself...

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Screenshot 285

That was the only screenshot I got from last night's #latenightmovie watch with @LNMGang in the SyfyDesigns chatroom. I think I bailed with only 15 minutes to go because I'd been up nearly 24 hours. I was back up an hour later to help with Bunny puke, so there you go.

I'm kind of in an in-between state elsewhere because I need to re-download updated game files before I can even get in to moderate, plus not sure what's happening with possibly another trip to urgent care this weekend and stuff, nevermind my own week long coughing AFTER I was cleared for influenza after a prior week of swilling in germs all around me while I chunked down tamiflu. I was reading last night that at least 3 different influenza strains are going around the U.S. right now, and that the type A is the one everyone is saying 10% about with the shot, all the rest are much better percentages, so don't blow off the flu shots as worthless yet. I can't remember if I had a trivalent or quadrivalent but so far I haven't gone down super hard, not a speck of fever yet, and likely the deep chest coughing as much to blame on super pollen surge and resulting uber goober sinus infection, BUT I'm exhausted, as you can imagine. I'm not sure I can handle another Bunny day off from school without crying, between all the weather and sick days.

So I diverted into Screenshot Land this morning. I moved and deleted 80-something screenshots, and I'm about to dump a bunch of movie gang screens in here so I can delete those, too. I don't always share what I got, but maybe today is the day for it.

We watched this movie on January 13th.

Proof that Kurt is supernatural, and possibly demonic.

You can see we were all over the map on how far we were into the movie. We're a jolly bunch.

Remember this lesson, kids. If you ever find yourself in a building with Paul Reiser, flee the building asahp. (As Soon As Humanly Possible.)

Oh, yeah, ketchup bottle shopping. That was fun.

Where else do you casually talk fashion and how people are cooked? Oh, yeah, Bohemian Grove. Welp, guess me and gang are cutting edge.

Imagine being in an alt dimension where bad script writing had never developed into an art form. We'd be so lost.

Reference to the 12 Monkeys series that no one got, lol.

I can't help feeling that particular really bad movies are like an initiation ritual into underground Hollywood or something. I mean, now that we have conspiracy hindsight. Not accusing anyone in this movie of anything, but how in the world does stuff like this even get marketed, you know. Someone somewhere sacrificed a chicken.

Ok, that was all I got on that one. Now let's jump to January 20th. Kinda giggling over how people wonder about someone subs to them over and over and they can't figure out why.

Disclaimer- you don't want me watching porn with you. I ruin it. I can't help it. No one can finish anything with me laughing my head off over every stupid little thing. I'm as aro ace as it gets. I also find it redundant and therefore hideously boring, so don't bug me to watch with you.

I'll be honest, I got a little tired of the dog. He talked too much.

Lisa's comment flew over everyone's heads, which really surprised me. I think I noticed it because I always say I suck as a friend.

Oopsie, caught me in another window there. Sorry about that. Have fun trying to decipher chat.

I can imagine a future where we talk casually on medias about who we ate or fed to our dog. I think even nice people are just like that. Once you cross that line, right.

Sad Kurt was sad. I think we broke him. Also, totes missed catching the Jedi jokes.

The 70s weren't innocent at all, guys. Ok, moving on to February 10th. I did a horrible job getting screenshots on this one because I was so busy yapping on skype, my bad. Oh, I have never owned gargoyle sox.

First movie up there was mind control junk, next one was a building serial killing people, then feeding a girlfriend to a dog, and now this is interspecies breeding with aliens. I really should've been on the screenshots but this is the last one I got, and I am so, so sorry. I'm starting to get the bigger picture, though, that Lisa Marie is part of our overlord hierarchy and we are her experimentation and mind subjugation group. I hope they give her a raise or level her up to an awesome overlordier rank because she's really smooth. Took me years to figure this out. 😁

My screenshots folder is all cleaned out now. The rest of my day is about puke laundry, restocking basics like toilet paper and paper towels, and holding the residual coughing down with regular doses of benadryl, whee. I think I need some #bencongruity.

Saturday, February 17, 2018


That word "xenox" rolled up in my head as part of a coding reboot installment on a computer screen during a dream last night, and I abruptly woke up. I don't recall seeing that word before, but it's everywhere.
Xenox Global (date processing management)
Urban Dictionary (random friendly stranger who seems familiar)
Precision Tools and Laboratory Equipment (dental tools, etc)
Xenox Music (Latvian YouTuber)
Sedum Xenox (a plant with pink flowers that seems to be out of stock atm)

How have I never heard of this word before, and why did it wake up me up from a dream?

Oh, and there's this. Xenox.news.com automatically pulls up C|Net Technology News with a completely different url https://www.cnet.com/news/?tag=typo. Things like that would probably get utterly lost if it weren't for old pinterest images coming up in search, like this. The search parameter was a bit of a joke, but if you need to see what it was, click the pic and look at the search bar.

It gets way more fun with this pic, which clicks out to an amusing NationStates forum convo about a god from another universe dictating industry interactions between Illuminati countries.

I love image searches. They're so random, yet so synchronous. Anyway, no idea what that even had to do with Xenox, but I'm sure it's somewhere in all those words. That's good reading, though, you should check it out. I got a big kick out of it.

And now I need coffee. Yes, writing before coffee. Haven't done that in awhile. Oh, look what I found, lol. No, I didn't watch the youtube. It clicks to a youtube. I just thought the word play was clever.

Instead of throwing a dart, I decided today I'll just slap the first Benny C vid up that youtube recommends, regardless. I'm already regretting it.

Test post, non-linked. Little layered games we play.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

take this with a 5 gallon bucket of pink Himalayan salt

Some of this is silly, some of this is serious. Take what you will from it, or skip it and find better things to do. 💗

When I run into my own predictive programming and about fall outa my chair...

I like checking on reader hits here because I get a feel for what y'all find interesting, right. So I'm seeing Batman- The Day After and then following my own link embeds in that post because I totally forgot what I was writing back then, so I was going backwards in time into #TeamWells #FlashbackFriday and about fell outa my chair when I got to the last sentence.

I know right. I didn't even know I did that. Trump announced that summer and I could've cared less, and that's not why I said trumps all. I rarely use that word, and to check, I did a search on Pinky blog. Only six posts out of currently 1161 (not counting this one) use the word 'trumps', and they're mostly pretty edgy.

You guys know the big mandela effect thing started sweeping the world just before the Barry Allen Flashpoint aired, right.

Anyway, mandela effects and predictive programming are both red hot think items nowadays, and sourcing original content is becoming more precious than ever over those two things.

"You and I both know this trumps all right now." And then there's a fanvid crammed full of mandela effect entertainment and predictive programming. I made that post in 2015. Am I cutting edge or what. The sync is getting stronger and stronger.

So what comes next? I've been saying it. All through Pinky blog I've been writing about the brain training that entertainment is doing, the strange dreams I keep having, where honesty and truth really come from, and how we find out who we are. How we choose to go forward is up to us, and it's vital that we choose. #kindnessislogical It's easy to blow this stuff off, and it's ok if you don't think you can open your eyes. Just know it's time to wake up now. Whenever whatever happens, it's going to happen fast, like flipping a pancake.

The new world order is here

And that's just a cover story. Remember that something in a mirror looks backward, something turned inside out looks wrong, and that something upside down doesn't look right. Then when you see all that layered over and over in all those different ways, all smashed up and saying the same but different things oppositely until you can't tell any more what world order was really about in the first place so let's conveniently blame stuff on whoever, just keep your head down, your eyes open, and remember #kindnessislogical.

Who knows if this is real, and what will happen, but this is the kind of stuff exploding youtube lately. We love discussing The Walking Dead and The 100 and what we'd do in a crisis, maybe let's apply it to real life for a few seconds. How many countries have reprocessed their own people throughout history? All of them.

90% of you will go to FEMA camps willingly and this is why.
  • ME playing devil's advocate- Your children are held in a federally sanctioned state run building nearly every day. I've seen a school lockdown. You absolutely cannot communicate with or reach your child during a lockdown. Imagine all the schools going on lockdown all at the same time. Just saying. I have nothing against schools or government, I'm just saying most of you probably haven't thought through whatever resistance you think you're going to be ready with. I bet people will line up really fast if their kids are in lockdown.
  • This guy is selling something.
Warning From FEMA Liaison to GET READY!
  • Here's your heads up, guys. Fallback to my state is already pretty set up, and we're all just used to it so we never really talk about it.
  • This guy is NOT selling something.
Public Apology, FEMA Warning
  • Drawing the line at fear porn.
  • Making more sense than anything else anywhere else.
  • I agree about questioning the motive.
Anyway, I live in a big prepper area, and it's fairly accepted around here that the mid U.S. is fallback for D.C.

‘Ark’ 2.0: Largest Private Shelter on Earth Prepping Below Kansas Town- note the investors are from my area

Shadow Government Bunkers: Security Heightened at Underground Storage Facilities

What’s The Closest Natural Nuclear Bunker to Your Home?

The ‘Elite’ building an Underground World, why? Ozarks, Denver Airport

Ozark Mountain Data Bunker Gets Tenant

You can find that stuff all day. I find it fascinating because I love geology and karst systems.

Logically, our own government doesn't want to fail and be vulnerable. If they need to change something big with the least amount of problem possible, I'm sure they'll find a way to do it. Cooperation will be paramount because, like I said, vulnerable. They need people on their jobs, they need the economy running, they need everyone ready to handle everything, and the last thing we need is a government stumbling all over resisters that wind up getting us nuked because we're fish in a barrel. What we need to wrap our understanding around is the idea that the government above us is already embroiled in civil war over the world order thing, and it's not about the political party side taking that people are trained to gravitate into. Whatever side is the good side or bad side (and dang it, it really is hard to tell), the best way to survive and help is simply keep living your life and be ready to handle problems the same way you'd be expected to with large scale weather events. I think people want to root for their teams, but right now the teams are seeming a bit mixed up swapping shirts or something, and we can't quite tell who's on which team.

I know a lot of people are terrified we're all going to be brainwashed and tagged with microchips. It's really not feasible, nor does anyone have that kind of manpower. If the imminent danger to us is an event we're not prepared to accept is real, and we either all perish over our ignorance or survive by a few days' brutal handling, I'll take survival. People used to say 'better dead than red', and the fear is still real. But if no one of any value to resistance survives, who will keep the resistance going, whatever the resistance is, right? My dreams show me that it's vital to keep the knowledge and information that we have intact and move it forward, and if the only way through a maze is to cooperate and you've got the only piece of vital information, survival by cooperation is more important than dying for a cause or belief. That cause or belief can only survive with survivors.

My brain has already broken. I live with the glitch. I'm not afraid. I'm already brain training myself to want to feel useful and cooperative, mainly because aging makes people combative and difficult to care for, and then it's no fun to take care of people like that. I have already accepted that I don't have control, and that since I must rely on other people to care for me, I want to reward that with my own usefulness and kindness. "Against such there is no law." Underneath all the things that divide us, we are still all human, and we still all need each other. We need to remember that. Hating won't save any of us.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

fluffy = deadly

Across the street from my house.
These are as tall as the second story on my house.
See how fluffy they are.
Fluffy, beautiful pollen deathinators.

Progressing nicely into the kind of ear pressure that triggers visions of lancing my ear drums. In the old days, on handfuls of meds, I'd vividly daydream about meticulously tearing bits of my body up, and even though I never acted on it, it seemed to help with the pain. Kinda like acknowledging or something. I know your sufferings, little cells. I feel your agony.

Hundreds of these line the hightway.
They're usually half brown and sickly.
They're having a very good year.
Lots of beautiful pollen, making more baby trees.

Deadly baby death trees.

My whole body has turned into a mega sprinkler system trying to scrub the pollen out of the air I'm breathing. That would be fine except breathing is a thing, so it's a little self-defeating.

This is the most beautiful juniper year I've ever seen here.
Look at all those healthy fluffy trees.
Just look at them.
Death trees.
I really hope this isn't an early indicator of an especially nasty tree spring. I know this planet is pretty, but I'm about ready for a hazmat bunker.

This is about my level of processing tonight. I'm done.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

fun with social organization and predictive programming

I like crossing lines. I've been treading taboo since I was a kid. I questioned God and faith so hard that my mom was terrified I'd be lost to hell. I still poke my dad so much that I get the feeling sometimes he is convinced I can't possibly be saved and that's obviously too bad, but it's his obligation to keep telling me all the stuff anyway even though he believes in predestination and that souls are born into this world already either belonging to God or rejected by him. I grew up with people who were so convinced that ideas in my head were going to cause my eternal damnation that they could barely find ways to accept me as a personal loved one. There were so many prejudices in the way that I never believed either one of my parents loved me for nearly my whole life. I never felt forgiven and loved anyway, which is a simple life truth I managed to sift out and apply to my own life and children because it's logical. It's not logical to throw your own offspring under the bus. That is fear, pure and simple.

I've brought up before that being naturally autistic enables me to enjoy thinking through conflicting ideas without being bothered by them. I can easily carry opposing belief systems around with me through my mundane days, because it amuses me to take them apart and reassemble them. I love asking more and more questions until every shred of institutionalization is torn apart, and then rebuilding so that I understand the purposes, the goals, the reasons it works.

I was born to think like this. It comes easily to me. I don't fuss much over who is right or wrong because all have some right, and all certainly have some wrong. One example might be Christians missing the forgiveness boat. I actually know people who have estranged themselves from offspring because of ideas, nothing else, to the point where their own children literally dying of emotional neglect or abandonment via drug and alcohol abuse doesn't seem to phase them. Bad seeds and all that. I find it shocking that a parent wouldn't go to any length to try to save a child at any age, but that exists all around me, and I find it contrary to nature. Or, I find it reprehensible, the same way a human might feel about a cat or dog gorging on their first litter, which is a real thing sometimes. If a sheep won't let a lamb suckle, that is so terrible, but if a human pushes a child away because saving a tree takes precedence, that is noble.

So I pull these things apart like puzzles, and up until the last few years thought I was completely alone doing this. Thanks to youtube, there's been an explosion of thought sharing, and I'm loving all the ways other people also take everything they know apart trying to figure out what is real, what is important, and what matters.

That's the thing right there. I don't believe any of that matters. Did Elon Musk fake the car in space? I love space. I love science. I love that there is a car floating around out there. I also love that there's a huge debacle boiling over on youtube about flat earth, science as a religion being institutionalized to brain train us into robots, and whether or not anything we think we know is real at all.

So let's step out for a second. Step out of this universe and look at it. We live IN it, or we think we do, or whatever, right? And we all have thoughts about our experiences. I have boiled it down to yes, we are in a situation where night and day exist, growing cycles have a regular rhythms, polluting is a bit of a nasty problem, and food is pretty scarce in some places. Other than that, there's not one shred of it that we can prove at all. People are born here, and then we die. Everything dies. Everything. We fuss about that part, and we use that part to make the rest meaningful or not in relation to that, but even that doesn't matter.

What are you doing right now? Did you make someone cry today? Did you make someone feel crummy or sad or miserable? Did YOU cause that? ~That's what matters.~

We can argue all we want about end time prophecy, faith vs works, who God really is, who and what is right and wrong, and none of that changes anything about your day except how you allow it to control your behavior. When you allow a belief system to control you so much that you'll throw emotional rocks at your loved ones, or let them agonize in emotional starvation ignoring them, then that belief system throws what really matters in the trash can.

Humans matter. People matter. YOU MATTER. Your family matters.

How do we know what really matters? I thought long and hard about this. At the end of our lives, and this has been studied and documented for decades, people extremely rarely care at all about whether their religion was right, or whether they were right. What they care about is being lonely, and they wonder why someone doesn't come to check on them, or they wish they'd said something to someone and now it's too late and that opportunity is gone forever. Some people die with broken hearts because their relationships are a mess, or they are alone, or they don't know how to fix what they broke.

One exception to this is mental illness. Some of you might have grown up with abusive adults that seemed to feel no remorse right up to the point of death. The hurt, pain, anger, and sadness you might feel about that is your reminder that THAT is what matters. You didn't feel loved correctly, you didn't feel forgiven for being in their lives, you didn't feel safe, and while you might use a belief system to console yourselves, that isn't what matters. What matters is that broken feeling, and that is a very good indicator for your belief system not fixing anything important. What is important? Forgiveness. Closure. Saying those last words. Not getting there in time. Missing that moment. Being there in that final moment.

I've been sharing a few youtubes off and on lately both on Pinky blog and on facebook that question the realities we think we are in. Some of you are familiar with truthers and survivalists and whatever. I have never cared. I'm being very serious saying that. I have never cared whether our government destroying our own people and places is real or not because governments have been doing that time out of mind. I have studied philosophies and governments and religions around the world, and the one thing they all have in common is how do we control the people. How do we manage our economies, change the structures, fix the problems, use solutions the people don't like? How do we normalize what we fear, reset what the norms are, swivel the point of view until compliance is met? It's very difficult to manage a large number of people when it comes to travel and economy and health care and supplies. People have a way of thinking for themselves, solving all their own little problems, and without central (mainstream) control mechanisms, that actually gets a little chaotic. So governments criminalize things and use laws as fences. They oversee economies (our milk prices have been fixed for a very long time) and move people around (military families) and subsidize stuff like school loans (think tank training). If you for one second think that a mass of people arguing nonstop among themselves can actually sway real change in government when the people behind the curtains with billions of dollars are the ones pulling the real strings, and then you go and make your own families miserable over something stupid because politics is so important, maybe you're the one getting played. Something to think about.

Sherlock fans might remember this quote. Guys, this is me. When Sherlock first said this, everyone blew it off as his eccentricity, but if you follow the entire series, you see exactly what really truly matters.

Anyway, the reason I started writing this out was because of the flat earth thing. I am a truly hardcore space fan, I always have been. I dig the escapism of space 'out there'. I love that space is used in stories as a way to deal with stuff we can't civilly discuss if it were on earth. Babylon 5, Farscape, Lexx. The entire Stargate franchise. But I couldn't help noticing for years that space stories are ultimately so handy for changing perspectives across large numbers of people. Entertainment breaks through where political diplomacy fails. And of course, I've brought up that Marvel has caught on, etc. Some of you know this fascinates me. So for awhile, science fiction was used in an either/or way. Either aliens were coming to kill us, or they were coming to save us. Either we die of mass plagues, or we solve all the problems and save the earth and possibly even the galaxy. The overarching ideas that kept being introduced for years were about problem solving very particular ideas that corresponded to our own lives. Sci-fi is notorious for dealing with race and gender issues, and for bringing governments and their militaries into the story telling. Refugees are common plot devices. Throw in a little time travel, a variety of off world species intermingling, and a noble calling, and bing, you have a fight for the right and we're all falling into step adopting it into our homes via collectibles, clothing, and decor. A really cool government is one that solves ALL the problems so that we can be one big happy world of people running off to find other exciting life across the universe.

Can you imagine how dull television would be without any of that? Space has lent so much to economic exchange and growth, not to mention new beliefs and belief systems springing up, that a world without all that would seem pretty empty. It's almost unbearable to contemplate. But now there is a new suspicion rising up, a terrible and bitter disappointment that all of this space stuff was made up just to hoodwink us all, and it has truly worked brilliantly. Until now. And now that the secrets are coming out and reality isn't what we thought it was and truthers are destroying our illusions, it's getting even harder to figure out who is really telling the truth. Like, for instance, Q-Anon. Is he alliance or cabal? Anyone really familiar with Illuminati would instantly recognize the method and the really subtle way truth is used to make other truth false, and people falling for it left and right. But is that person really sincere? Is he for real? Because if he is, then we must ask if he's just another one of their brainwashed puppets, right? The vid description in this recent reveal is noteworthy, click over to youtube to see it.

I'm all for investigating who in the world set up these belief systems in the first place. I grew up in a legalistic church that debated every jot and tittle down to the nuance on basically nothing more than the vaguest of actual historical studies, and from what I could see, Jesus questioning the priests in the temple as a boy was the picture of what was wrong with belief systems in the first place. I don't care for the debates over specifics, the point was that whoever Jesus was, he sure timed it well (Masons and Moors were already around, as were Buddhists), and his presence alone seems to have overturned the entire world in one way or another. But as was pointed out in that last vid, who exactly got hold of that religion in its infancy and grabbed world control is actually a really sinister story, and it really does continue to this day. Some of you have seen how I've struggled with my dad's POV, like he gets stuck in a loop counter after certain triggers.

Part of the problem is the argument coming out of nearly any mouth out there that we've been lied to. Well, duh, of course we've been lied to. Our entire lives are lies, can we please just move past that, thank you. Anyone can study history and see what the truth is, and that truth is that the idea of World Order goes so far back in human history that it's almost ludicrous. This is where people fall for it being an alien agenda, because what else could it be? Humans die so fast, why would they care? So there are elaborate stories woven around the richest bloodlines in the world being part alien DNA. Personally, I don't care whether that is true or not. If space aliens came to this earth to whatever their agenda is, then they've been among us time out of mind and nothing can change that. But if this was concocted to control the masses, like worship your gods and pay tribute, and oh by the way, we have sovereign ownership over you so you must be in our militaries, etc, then that was brilliant, right? Slow clap for that one. But then wake up and go Ohhhh, they're still doing it... We are still owned. I've been saying this for years. We have always been owned. You were born into citizenship. You aren't allowed to decide that. How many people around the world have defected and sought refuge from their governments? This next vid was oddly cute until around 5:30 in. Kinda got my stomach. (Predictive programming is kind of a sport with enthusiastic hobby spotters.)

So let's be smart about this. We may not ever know what truth really is on this earth. We can spit and argue all we want, but absolutely none of it is proven one way or another without your presence there verifying it. I personally favor logic and space. However, I also believe (my belief system) that people are more important than the ideas that come between us. I figured that one out in my childhood. My mom and my dad argued bible incessantly. Nevermind that they agreed on 95% of it, that other 5% was enough for my mom to suffer so much over my dad going to hell, according to everyone in her belief system, that it embittered her and sent her spiraling through a massive depression and finally to her lingering death. My dad was just as bad. Despite his once saved always saved rhetoric, he HAD to try to force her to agree with him decade after decade until the only way they could reconcile at all was through her strokes and memory loss, and even then it was very difficult being the children watching that ship go down. Their belief systems were more important than the way they treated each other. Their belief systems were more important than forgiveness and getting along. Their belief systems, so nearly alike, were so tortuous that I can't even imagine how I'd have survived my mother's death without dad going to the nursing home nearly every day for five years to sit with her at lunch. That devotion and her inability to call out much beyond his name when she was afraid of something became iconic to everyone around them. THAT was what their entire marriage should have been like.

How socially organized is your thought process? Do you feel compelled to defend a belief system? Like I said, I like the whole space thing, but I wouldn't be condescending to anyone over not believing it's real. Whether it's real or not is less important than how I treat someone. Hard lesson learned, thanks, Mom and Dad.

I need some more #bencongruity.


Sometimes a day just turns out really all right.


Saturday, February 10, 2018

way past Orwell, and far more sinister

I went to bed early last couple nights because, even with the tamiflu, I can feel a minority of tiny bad guys working against me. Nothing terrible, just wiped out, and 3 more days to go on this stuff. Anyway, I wound up with a cool vid trail.

This really needs to break through the news barrier. This is as bad as Hitler, guys. I remember when the Berlin wall came down. This very short piece is from a documentary.

This is a collection of very real science news going on about very real cloning. This is only what we see in the actual news, but the 200+ cloned fetus dump was really eye opening.

Other countries are taking this extremely seriously. Why are WE not?

This is long and it's not scripted, so it kind of meanders a little, but it is a composite of very real things going on that a lot of people are looking into. This is an older vid, but we're clearly past 'conspiracy' now, if one pays any attention at all. The human rights issue is at stake, and how the balance tips on the scale is already happening. The psychological war for world dominance is very real, and if you haven't caught on by now that entertainment is the vehicle and that your chains being yanked on medias to stay upset (and thereby more easily pushed into directions of thought and chain reaction), then you need to wake up.

And if all that wore you out and you're just wanting some entertainment, here you go. You're welcome.

Friday, February 9, 2018

Club 2018

Those of you NOT coming in on mobile might be noticing little format tweaks. I've decided I'm in a frickin' good mood this year and I'm done with the getting dragged down stuff. Even when I do my best to shunt it off my main feeds, so many of you are DETERMINED to be a drag that I just stopped even checking half the time. I've had notifications turned off nearly forever now, but just popping on once a day to sparkle a little joy is such a dismal undertaking that I'm not sure how the world even keeps turning. Oh yeah, the real world isn't social media, lol.

I'm barely catching glimpses of the winter olympics, kind of checking on what the gang is watching every night on TV, stuff like that. I miss everyone, but one of the weird side effects of my life getting jerked sideways last year is getting emotionally healthier, so there you go, that's a real thing, social media triggers depressions galore, blahblah. Watched another popular account go ballistic last week being overly tagged in a super massive convo gang on an endless spawn of threads, and I guess it just doesn't occur to some of you to turn notifications off. There is no other answer for that. Some of you saw me writhe in facepalm and fail agony through that, and I'm here to tell you there is so much freedom in silencing the tags.

Anyway, I intend to do a bit more tweaking little by little, since I live here and I feel like remodeling, so if you're coming in sporadically on mobile, Club 2018 is my new thing.

In the meantime, since some of you are bored and the weird stuff gets more attention, here is your next homework assignment.

Maybe it's time to decide what we really want in our lives. Personally, I want a few beautiful days that feel gentle on my soul, and I've been learning the hard way for years that money doesn't buy that, that no one can hand that to me, and that ultimately I'm the one who must find it, create it, and then actually enjoy it. Maybe the hate spew we keep feeling channeled toward is psychological warfare being spun over us by billionaires with agendas. Maybe the depression they create and feed us keeps us all medicated or drinking, both of which keep them rich. Maybe the entertainment lulls us into lives of passivity that go nowhere and we try to feel better buying things. I just know that the longer I'm away from being 'plugged in', the better I feel.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

lil' Benny C

My house reached a serene state today. Even the hamster voluntarily came forth when I appeared with a baby leaf of romaine, and there was joy across the land.

All flu germ evidence is being dealt with post haste. Trash, towels, sheets, dishes. All.

I suspect it's the weird mix of being low key affected by flu B and the tamiflu, but last night I dreamed the Brady Bunch was a real life reality show family, and that season one Mrs. Brady had been a different person, and season two Mrs. Brady was in real life AND ON THE SHOW having an affair with Greg Brady, and the whole family knew about it. Alice didn't even give a crap, and Mr. Brady was kinda getting into Cindy, and I think that's about where my brain went ohHELLno and woke me up.

Oddly, not one spec of it had anything to do with minecraft. My dreams usually go all minecraft on me. I've barely been playing over the last week compared to my usual. I did, however, get Bunny to take medicine by promising to let her play all by herself on a singleplayer, and she went to town spawning parrots and donkeys and going all pyro with a flame bow. She plowed down and fell out of the world once, but she did pretty good trying to place blocks for a little house. She's only 4. The first five minutes would be excellent, one hand on arrows, spacebar (up), and shift (down), and the other hand toggling pointer and middle finger clicking and the hotbar wheel. I know, right? But she hit the wall pretty consistently after five minutes and after that would be tired of it and going back to Paw Patrol, thank goodness.

I barely got any down time for nearly a week straight. Last couple of days were literally 12 hour stay on alert days after a very long weekend of all of us being miserable losing sleep. I'm going to coast out on this song while some of you stay glued. You're probably feeling rotten, too. Hope you feel better soon. 💕

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Finally hiding in my room

click for omg missing lappy story
I have really been missing Pinky blog.

Let's see if I can bullet point.

  • We all lived through the tamiflu. I'm finding it difficult to believe studies showed only 10-17% nausea in clinical trials. We all went down like a bad carnival ride on way too much cotton candy.
  • My endocrinologist laughed when my TSH score was identical to last year, which is a good thing. Guess he doesn't see that very often.
  • My neurologist was very encouraging about a very discouraging future. Four doctors in my past in particular could learn a lot from him.
  • Overall, this year compared to this time last year is markedly improved on several levels, including depression cycles, pain levels, mobility issues, and world conquering, thank you CPAP, gallbladder removal, sticking to fascia shredding massage and chiropractor after physical therapy was over, and a very demanding Bunny challenge akin to a reality show competition series.
I could have kept going, but I'm still spacey and need an aspienado hard shutdown so bad that I'm only functioning on base level right now. I'm still good in a pinch, like emergency/crisis management, but it would all be auto reflex if anything were to really happen. Here you go, have fun with this, especially if you're an X-Files fan. I was one of the very first very few people bringing up The Lone Gunmen abruptly disappearing after that. (:edit: This was my aol group address at the time, aol groups are now gone. http://groups.aol.com/yablostimewarp2)

Tuesday, February 6, 2018


Apologies, I'm getting questions. Yes, my household has type B flu, but we caught it very quickly, thanks to Bunny. Poor kiddo is getting hit the hardest, but so far so good, past the worst and now just stuck with that lingering mucousy cough. The rest of us had flu shots last fall (kiddo had croup and strep and other things and kept missing getting the shot), and coupled with the tamiflu prescribed for the entire household after Bunny tested positive, we've been skating through it mostly just wiped out with cold symptoms and maybe a bit crabbier than usual. Oh, and our brains fell out. We got stupid. That part was kind of weird.

I never did develop fever or cough, and the worst of mine was like a light cold with earaches and sinus. The others got hit a little harder with really sore throats and super wiped out. I've never taken tamiflu before, and I kept hearing that the shot was ineffective, but I'm doing very well with that double protection. I'm usually the one who goes down the hardest and longest with anything because immunocompromised for years, so I'm especially enjoying being the least hit. I know a number of other people being hit really hard with influenza this winter, and I feel for you guys.

No vid trail, sorry. I'm on triple duty since I'm in the best shape. You can have this, though. If you don't have a clue, maybe surf the alliance vs the cabal, and this is actually old stuff, it's all over the place like here. I don't care who thinks what is crazy or wrong or stupid, the important thing is to WAKE UP. If the political world is taking this seriously, then maybe we should, too. #kindnessislogical

Sunday, February 4, 2018


click for tumblr source

Been a little bizzy. That's 4-year-old for 'dizzy'. I'm floating through the badlands of influenza brain.

Don't stay off too long, kids, you might nearly die.

So I'm checking in.

I probably shouldn't be operating heavy machinery and stuff.

Rock on.