Some of this is silly, some of this is serious. Take what you will from it, or skip it and find better things to do. 💗
When I run into my own predictive programming and about fall outa my chair...
I like checking on reader hits here because I get a feel for what y'all find interesting, right. So I'm seeing Batman- The Day After and then following my own link embeds in that post because I totally forgot what I was writing back then, so I was going backwards in time into #TeamWells #FlashbackFriday and about fell outa my chair when I got to the last sentence.
I know right. I didn't even know I did that. Trump announced that summer and I could've cared less, and that's not why I said trumps all. I rarely use that word, and to check, I did a search on Pinky blog. Only six posts out of currently 1161 (not counting this one) use the word 'trumps', and they're mostly pretty edgy.
You guys know the big mandela effect thing started sweeping the world just before the Barry Allen Flashpoint aired, right.
Anyway, mandela effects and predictive programming are both red hot think items nowadays, and sourcing original content is becoming more precious than ever over those two things.
"You and I both know this trumps all right now." And then there's a fanvid crammed full of mandela effect entertainment and predictive programming. I made that post in 2015. Am I cutting edge or what. The sync is getting stronger and stronger.
So what comes next? I've been saying it. All through Pinky blog I've been writing about the brain training that entertainment is doing, the strange dreams I keep having, where honesty and truth really come from, and how we find out who we are. How we choose to go forward is up to us, and it's vital that we choose. #kindnessislogical It's easy to blow this stuff off, and it's ok if you don't think you can open your eyes. Just know it's time to wake up now. Whenever whatever happens, it's going to happen fast, like flipping a pancake.
And that's just a cover story. Remember that something in a mirror looks backward, something turned inside out looks wrong, and that something upside down doesn't look right. Then when you see all that layered over and over in all those different ways, all smashed up and saying the same but different things oppositely until you can't tell any more what world order was really about in the first place so let's conveniently blame stuff on whoever, just keep your head down, your eyes open, and remember #kindnessislogical.
Who knows if this is real, and what will happen, but this is the kind of stuff exploding youtube lately. We love discussing The Walking Dead and The 100 and what we'd do in a crisis, maybe let's apply it to real life for a few seconds. How many countries have reprocessed their own people throughout history? All of them.
ME playing devil's advocate- Your children are held in a federally sanctioned state run building nearly every day. I've seen a school lockdown. You absolutely cannot communicate with or reach your child during a lockdown. Imagine all the schools going on lockdown all at the same time. Just saying. I have nothing against schools or government, I'm just saying most of you probably haven't thought through whatever resistance you think you're going to be ready with. I bet people will line up really fast if their kids are in lockdown.
You can find that stuff all day. I find it fascinating because I love geology and karst systems.
Logically, our own government doesn't want to fail and be vulnerable. If they need to change something big with the least amount of problem possible, I'm sure they'll find a way to do it. Cooperation will be paramount because, like I said, vulnerable. They need people on their jobs, they need the economy running, they need everyone ready to handle everything, and the last thing we need is a government stumbling all over resisters that wind up getting us nuked because we're fish in a barrel. What we need to wrap our understanding around is the idea that the government above us is already embroiled in civil war over the world order thing, and it's not about the political party side taking that people are trained to gravitate into. Whatever side is the good side or bad side (and dang it, it really is hard to tell), the best way to survive and help is simply keep living your life and be ready to handle problems the same way you'd be expected to with large scale weather events. I think people want to root for their teams, but right now the teams are seeming a bit mixed up swapping shirts or something, and we can't quite tell who's on which team.
I know a lot of people are terrified we're all going to be brainwashed and tagged with microchips. It's really not feasible, nor does anyone have that kind of manpower. If the imminent danger to us is an event we're not prepared to accept is real, and we either all perish over our ignorance or survive by a few days' brutal handling, I'll take survival. People used to say 'better dead than red', and the fear is still real. But if no one of any value to resistance survives, who will keep the resistance going, whatever the resistance is, right? My dreams show me that it's vital to keep the knowledge and information that we have intact and move it forward, and if the only way through a maze is to cooperate and you've got the only piece of vital information, survival by cooperation is more important than dying for a cause or belief. That cause or belief can only survive with survivors.
My brain has already broken. I live with the glitch. I'm not afraid. I'm already brain training myself to want to feel useful and cooperative, mainly because aging makes people combative and difficult to care for, and then it's no fun to take care of people like that. I have already accepted that I don't have control, and that since I must rely on other people to care for me, I want to reward that with my own usefulness and kindness. "Against such there is no law." Underneath all the things that divide us, we are still all human, and we still all need each other. We need to remember that. Hating won't save any of us.
I cut my coffee in half this week and swore not to let myself head for anything chocolate to replace it. That is my brainmelt.
So I yapped in posts this week about my phone getting interested in me being twitter flagged, note the tags
and I kid you not, out of the blue for the first time ever I get these emails after my blog traffic ~tripled~.
My personal portfolio seems to be everyone else's business. WE INTERRUPT THIS POST TO LIVE BLOG A DEVIL HAMSTER ESCAPE. Pro tip: Never buy a cheap starter kit cage, kids. Discovered under the fridge around 4 a.m. and lured out later with food, only to disappear again.
After several hours it became an urgent situation, having taken up new residence inside the fan while the fridge wasn't running.
Before it was all over, not only was my fridge taken apart in the middle of my kitchen, but we were pile driving through furniture. I'm good with it. Today was a day of super deep cleaning. Pinky totally approves.
Don't worry, he's safely back in his cage with a towel over it.
WE RETURN YOU TO OUR REGULARLY HAPHAZARDLY SCHEDULED POST.
On the side, I'm hoping I didn't pick up some kind of germ. I have felt awful most of the day, and I'm hoping it's nothing more than a sinus infection. Time's flying, so don't forget about the blue moon lunar eclipse.
GOTHAM
Penguin- YOLO, right?
Jim- Illuminati, buddy, watch your back.
Bruce- *falling to his knees like Doctor Strange* Teach me!
Evil Bruce- Wait, I thought *I*...
Ivy- *calmly composting bodies into her breakfast cereal*
Harvey Bullock- can't facepalm any harder than that man over and over and over
Barbara- dem shooz, gurl!
Butch- YOLO (oopsie) THE FLASH
*Cecile untangling the whole mess of info dumping into her lap*- Y'all know this could be solved real quick if you'd just go knock off Baby Barry...
*Killer Frost upon discovering the plans to knock off Baby Barry*- I'ma go tell Savitar on youz guyz
Iris- Gimme a minute... *weighs Barry mess against having Eddie back, her family safe, and getting to live*
Vibe and HR- Sorry buddy, we couldn't argue with that.
Doc McStuffins
Pickles- I'm in a yard sale!
The gang- We'll save you by sewing on a green button for your nose!
Pickles- Yay, I'm saved!
That's about it, I haven't seen much more than that so far this week.
I made a Thunderbird monument on a red sandstone plateau in Mo Creatures though. Yes, a copy from Kai's realm world. Real diamond, gold, and redstone blocks mostly all mined from scratch. I finally got tired of waiting and bought the last 3 or 4 blocks' worth.
I've got this cd. This music played in my mind the whole time I was making that.
Totes rockin a bad hair day like Leo, knowing I'm a super cool badass under it all. I have looked like this ever since physical therapy this morning. That one really white straight hair in his beard is making me crazy.
Bunny is just like her mama, super hyper insomniac. My edge in my older age is I don't have enough energy to care and even think it's kinda funny. The 'wait till you have a kid' curse is spot on. Getting to see it live cracks me up.
Against all conscious bracing against caving to this level of shallow thinking, I'm mentally developing lists of awesome and stupid kids' shows, complete with their own pros and cons. PJ Masks is pure brainwash. One show and you're actually repeating lines around the house and thinking about cool new pajamas, and basically it's just a really simple psychology establishing bad guys (other kids) and all the ways we have to fix the problems those kids create. I give it 2 thumbs down, an obvious first step into linear thinking that progresses throughout life into party affiliations and blame games. The problem solving isn't much different from black and white thinking camouflaged into colorful adrenaline filled action scenes. Contrast that to Little Einsteins, the absolutely most annoying cartoon on the planet, and it's actually growing on me. Bunny is only 3 and already hums and sings along to classical snippets, totally gets the music instructions, and easily follows a real story. The bad guy is usually a jet instead of another human, and while I don't really understand why, it's a relief to get away from the whole bad guy motif because some human is being a monster that we must fix. The creepiest show is The Hive (uber 'normal' twisted into adorable bugs is creepy, guys), and I love it, to my surprise. I'm not a bug fan, every character in that show is some kind of bug. My fave is the wasp kid. Charlie Brown needed a wasp kid in his life. The Hive is like a British sounding Peanuts kind of soap style series (but also with adult bugs) on the opposite of steroids. That is the calmest children's show I've ever seen, and my brain thanks all the creators and voice actors and Netflix and everyone else involved in that show.
I know, right, I'm missing all the CW shows. I've been digging up rants and raves on youtube and web reviews, and pretty much Felicity floating to the top is irking me like crazy. Of course I've missed the entire last couple of weeks of #allthethings, although I'm somewhat staying caught up with The Flash. Barry can screw the timeline all he wants (you gotta admit Iris did a really nice future death scene and that it really coming to pass would crank the live tweet ranting up into outer space), but I can't wrap my head around Felicity masked and then killed off so fast. I'm just
click for more gifs
Also, something is going on with our electric, several times this week we've abruptly lost power, couple nights ago was 3 times in a row after we went to bed, which rather sucked for getting a child to sleep (you know how those backup batteries have to announce in really loud voices that the power is out and you're now on backup supply? yeah, that, and it does NOT help that suddenly there is a strange voice in the inky darkness), and today, especially all afternoon and evening long, the brownouts have been so bad every other minute or so that I can barely use internet at all because the router keeps getting interrupted, even if the other appliances are able to continue. Big storms the other night musta done something, and I finally just abandoned myself on a sheer mountainside on a multiplayer server, and I'll just hafta hope I don't get killed immediately tomorrow and lose all my cool gear that I worked so hard to get leveled up with enchantments when I finally log back on.
First world problems, huh?
I can't decide what vid to go out on. Hang on, we'll change it up tonight. Readers who don't follow on twitter really don't have a clue about a my girl crushes, and Felicity is right at the top.
Apologies to the artist, I grabbed a copy of that original piece possibly up to 6 or more weeks ago and I can't seem to source it. However, there's loads of great Doctor Strange art all over the place if you want to see more. Anyhoo, that was my lock screen today.
I normally don't even notice these things, but something different happened today and I thought I'd play around with how significant this coincidence is. I wasn't home, and I'm still app-less, but I got screen shots off my phone. I think you'll be able to see where to find what I found.
Honestly, the sport I get in this is more about synchronicity than anything. You guys don't know I was holding a birthday card to someone at that moment (of the first screen shot at the top) whose user name has 111 in it, and I've always believed that person is the key that opened a very big door for me. This started before I ever learned of the user name, so I found this particular moment holding the birthday card interesting. You can see by the time stamps that I waited until later to investigate, but you have to understand the significance of 313 to a Lexx fan... I didn't realize that part even happened until I started writing this, so my day was rife with synchronicity. And I still haven't even told you what happened earlier.
Some of these overlap a little.
Part of my belief in synchronicity is that our brains talk to us, and they find unique ways to get our attention when it's vital that we remember something. For this to happen, we must be in a 'frame of mind' to 'tune in' to this happening. It's been happening to me all my life, as I've mentioned a few times in blog posts. I don't think the numerology itself is magical, or that other beings necessarily spend this much time on such vague detail around us, but since we'd scare ourselves silly realizing how truly powerful we really are, we prefer to ignore that and make things up. Which is fine. Whatever works, works, right? Call it what you will. Me, I realize that my brain cells are smarter than I am, a super computer that gives me access to multidimensional information, and this soul that I am is capable of using this computer to help make the world around me a better place. (Please note, I'm NOT saying there is no God and that we're not all part of some plan or whatever. I'm saying that sometimes we notice when it's time to pay attention and hopefully make a difference in this world.)
And there I dropped off and stopped reading.
So what happened earlier? Oh, nothing, just got a call from a marketing company that wants to know if I'd like some help selling my book. Out of the blue.
lol, ok, they didn't call because I'm awesome, but evidently my very private number has gained significance since I've enrolled in the author training center, I dunno. It was a very cool call, though, and I looked them up and I'm actually really impressed. I'm glad they called. The funny part was I was rushing through getting ready to race out my door, and I literally got caught taking notes in my bathroom half naked putting deodorant on, and I have chuckled the whole rest of the day. It's really cool being told by a professional marketing team that you've obviously got your act together and already know quite a lot of stuff, and you guys following Pinky everything know I've been working my butt off on this since 2012. The dotcoms are set up, the media pages are ready to roll, and all that's really left, besides actually publishing, is setting up author pages on actual sell sites, like Amazon. I've been kind of wondering over the last year if I should get some kind of PR, and *bing*, here we go.
So... think I can pull this together in about 2 months? I'm thankfully too exhausted to freeze up in panic. I fell asleep during the Walking Dead Sunday, didn't even get 5 minutes into it, and I still haven't caught up on it. I'm sporting a headache this week, back in some pretty intense physical therapy, barely braining (I keep saying that and things seem to keep magically getting done correctly), and hoping I don't have this virus that seems to be taking down Bunny's whole tribe, because it's a doozy. So far I'm just really tired. And the headache. It's kind of a background headache, but I feel like I can't think.
I will say one thing, though. We were catching up on The Flash last night and I missed twitter so bad I nearly teared up. There was so much great crap I know you guys were all slinging out, and I miss that so bad. I'm going to try to FOCUS! and get my phone cleaned off and hopefully get twitter back on my phone by next week.
Watching The Flash crack vids... (click that for the list). Caution for language on this one.
If you actually follow this through to origin, you run into a funny discussion.
Yeah, click the pic.
I was wondering how long it would take before my body noticed. Started breaking my evening zyrtec in half 4 days ago, this morning I'm sneezing my head off. Probably be down to one a day by November, hopefully completely off by December. Get a 1 or 2 month break, depending on weather, and then cedars and junipers will be exploding. This year has been the closest I've come to year round zyrtec. I cheat with benadryl, though.
Last night I dreamed that code readers revolutionized the home theater industry. You no longer had to stream or buy discs, just get this cool code reader, kind of like they have in offices, and pick an episode or movie from a little stack of plastic sheets. It would read and process into watchable format within 5 minutes and was extremely cheap, making it so easy for every household to simply own and pass around everything that's ever been filmed. I can see this being a huge deal if anything ever were to happen to satellite radio transmission for some reason and anything streaming going dark.
Was yapping away the other day about how nice it would be if someone would come up with the idea for entertainment brokering. It's insane having all these different companies and packages and having to invest so much money in one show here and another show there. I live in a big tourist area, I see how they put together personalized packages. Or like health care, you can also do that with health and prescription supplement plans. You go into a office and say my life is like this and I need this and this, the person details a plan out to suit your needs, right? Why not do the same with entertainment? You want one show off HBO, another off Hulu or Netflix, a few things off cable or satellite, and something offered through Amazon or BBC or sports, an entertainment broker puts exactly what you want together into a personalized package, and you can adjust the package monthly, like you do a cell phone plan or something. How hard can that possibly be? All you have to do is centralize an outlet through brokers that can cross all the streams pulling stuff for you.
~wildly changing the subject~
Ok, remember the spit test? I've been cleared for genetic risk cancers, which means my kiddo never has to be tested. It doesn't mean I'll never get cancer, but considering all the cancers we've had in both my parents' families, it's nice to know that I don't have to worry about being at risk for an uber aggressive type at a younger age.
If I'd have tested positive, everyone related to me (siblings, nieces & nephews, kids, and first cousins) would probably have been able to get the test for free because most insurance will pay for testing if a family member comes up positive. Unfortunately, me being cleared doesn't rule out anyone else being carriers (I asked the doctor about that), so I can't help anyone with the cost there since I was cleared.
This was a $2500 test (plus extraneous fees and costs) that I'll likely be paying for out of pocket, but to me it was worth it after living all my adult life in such challenging pain and problems. I would have been relieved to have proactive help and planning in the event my life would suddenly spiral out of control again. This is also a big relief for my kid.
I think my brain is finally back. I've been pure goofball for 5 days, kinda nice feeling more here and nowish. And just in time! I've got a mountain of chores to do before this next weekend. Bunny is getting old enough to hopefully be able to sit for a few minutes through building a gingerbread haunted house and a few other things. Totally into sticker charts at the moment, so I've got a bunch of stickers ready to play sticker chart. And per my usual, all the organizing I did a couple of weeks ago blew out the door lately, and my own mess is bigger than hers ever was, so I've gotta keep plowing through this bad craziness and keep sifting out all the stuff we don't need to hang onto. It's like my incoming stack of crazy is outpacing my outgoing stack of crazy, kinda like when The Flash blew all Felicity's papers last night. This is from The Flash account on twitter. You can see all the fun Flash/Felicity tweets here. I love live tweeting, fans rock.
Doctor Strange is gearing up to burst out in all its glory. I watched (thanx, twitter!) Benny C actually surprise showing up to the official IMAX sneak peek screening, fans going crazy on the twitters. The official Doctor Strange account didn't even begin to cover the joy, and this morning I'm waking up to full blown international trailers going viral. Pretty sure this movie is going to dominate the holiday season.
Now I'm just free associating, time to go do stuff. Let's see, something crazy and completely unrelated to this content. Something silly... Ok, maybe not that. I really like it though, cracks me up. Ok, we'll go with somewhat related. Have a great day, guys.
That comes from a neat tiny little blog post by a big Central City fan from way back in 2011. Click the big red circle to check it out.
And that comes from a nearly 2 year old spoiler post full of behind the scenes pix. I'm loving that cup looking so Flash-y.
Yesterday was a big boof in my cosmos, and I just kept my head in MoC. First, I got super distracted with trying to do 3 things during a phone call that came in earlier than usual and couldn't tell or remember if I'd taken my noon gabapentin, so had to call the pharmacy and make sure I could skip it. I've been so notorious for med dosing problems that I have tiny spirals going back several years filled with daily dose log times, and even with that, I have to go through a very specific routine taking whatever med and logging it or I won't remember if I really took it or not, and that can get pretty dangerous with some meds. (I ask my brain if I took something, it says Which day? I got years of taking that twice a day...) I once doubled my blood pressure pill and then was pure goofball in traffic because bradycardia for the first time EVER in my whole life, which actually got caught on a holter, so that was a big wake up call because I'd been driving around being really weird in traffic. You wanna know why some wrecks happen? People probably do just that. And if you think about it, sometimes they do that on top of other meds and even alcohol or something else, so watch out for those goofballs out there. (This might explain some of the cars not stopping on the bus driver vid I shared on facebook yesterday, but that's me being generous and assuming not all those people were dicks on purpose.)
So I missed a gabapentin dose, pharm said no prob, just skip, I'm all thumbs up, and by the time I finally took it my head was wonky super headache coming on, and the relief was so real so fast that I got a good heads up why I'll never leave home without that bottle of pills on me now, and I guess it's time to get the bracelet saying I'm on it since I'm still tolerating it so well. Yes, that med needs a bracelet, very important bcuz super brain probs if I'm ever in a situation where I can't speak for myself.
Yes, there is a second, and that was my phone. I don't know what the what, but I can't call an 800# out without it going all spammy and randomly taking me to numbers trying to sell me something (like phone bot spam or something) instead of customer service with a specific company, and then after 3 attempts I suddenly got the YOUR PHONE HAS BEEN DEACTIVATED in my ear. Boink it, went back to MoC.
I spent the day yesterday pulling much of my scattered wealth together. I've got 12 places I can tp to between town spawn, store warp, 7 outposts, and 3 'homes', plus I run to other places I have close by (I consider crossing only one ocean 'close by'), and I've been working on how to let go of one of the homes so I can re-home to my new place in the castle. It involved a lot of flying and mapping coordinates and moving loads of stuff out of scattered chests to more centralized locations. I do a lot of wilderness work and I'm getting super rich doing it, although most of my visible wealth goes into town deposit and whole chests full of luxury blocks. I think I've actually used more bulk obsidian than anyone else playing that server.
This is much shorter than the last couple of vids, thank goodness. Key items are noticing a giant golem (the kind that tears everything up building itself before it explodes) can't seem to tear apart town property at all like it did my village, and then I discovered I was in Alien's (supermod) township, so I had to check that out from a distance (I had no idea the unclaimed castle I discovered was practically next door), and then as I was using coordinates to sprint back to my place, around 4:15 in I got total proof of spontaneous aggressive mob spawn (spawntaneous, lol) in broad daylight. I counted 3 witches, 2 wolves, and a couple things on fire that could've been zombies and/or skeletons, and I *think* maybe a winged bat horse, so all those times I told a couple friends I was suddenly plunging through 7 mobs all at once- vindicated. I think they think I'm a little crazy exaggerating sometimes, but I really do get some weird stuff all over me on MoC. And then after that I find my way into the castle to my new digs. Btw, this cover pic on this vid is NOT either one of ours.
I'm getting so lazy about typos. I used to be appalled if I ran into one later and jump up immediately, no matter what the reason I'd have stopped doing everything else (usually pain) for a break, and nowadays I'm so meh, I'll get to it later. And then much later I go oh yeah, I had a typo, but by then I don't remember where and I'm not in the mood to go find it.
Not in the mood... omg, I'm turning into NORMAL people. I said I was bored earlier this week, and now I'm saying I'm not in the mood.
I'm relying on my obsessive-compulsive everything must be this way or bust behavior to get me through all the things till I'm published. What the what? I'm bored and I'm not in the mood.
Hang on a sec, my body is butting in. *handing mic to left shoulder*
Hi, I'm actually a strip in a bigger muscle group called the trapezius, but I'm the bit that comes from the left side of the neck and anchors to the acromioclavicular joint. I'm probably one of the culprits behind that typical victim giving up style of vernacular (i.e. bored, mood), and I deeply apologize. I know it's not entirely my own fault, as there are plenty of other musculature and bony processes that contribute to this melee of nervous system overload, but I'm definitely a key player this morning. Honestly, I think I could take down Chuck Norris, or at least keep him from killing you. It would feel more like a light tap. Funny story, I
*yanks mic away* Ok, back to stuff. @bonenado just brought me the copy of the official govt form I mailed off yesterday without him seeing it first (I usually make a photocopy and do a practice fill out for him to approve) and showed me where I put month and date instead of month and year, so now I've got to go to the social security office in Springfield and show someone I messed up this paper and see if they'll let me fill out another one there or something.
I'm wondrously intelligent and stupid as a rock sometimes. I can't fill out forms by myself. I can blame it on brain glitching or pain all I want, but blame doesn't get it done right. The stupidest thing I did was think I could do something so 'simple' on my own and totally botched it up. Now I'm a bit peeved with myself, but instead of turning the sourness inward I need to distract again, because my body's already got enough to handle, and kicking myself only makes things worse.
I am Aspienado. I haven't been able to follow directions correctly since kindergarten. I own that this is one of the most outstanding fails in my life. The irony? I was filling out a Disability Update Report. Yes, disability squad, plz to note the cognitive fail. And it's not a blip, it's not an oopsie, it's every. single. time. all. my. life.
Why do they bother even asking about the 3 latest appointments if they don't want the doctor's name and actual date of the appointment? How in the world do they base future need for deeper follow up, oh never mind. The reason they have all these giant bolded instructions is because nearly all of us f*k it up.
lol, Scott and I just had a discussion about how you're watching a rumble about to happen in a show, buncha capes and masks and whatevs, and you notice someone wearing spiked heels and go really? Like they never twist their ankle. Scott said they wait till someone's down and then spike 'em through the eyes. He doesn't question these things. I guess only the cognitively impaired question the logic of superheroes never wearing supportive athletic footwear.
The facepalming is slowly subsiding. My long week is longer, yes, I have to drive further than the plan today, yes, I have to go through security check to sit with a room full of other societal dregs, yes, (I need a t-shirt that states I'm a societal dreg, Dregs would be a cool name for all us underdogs, I think) (we'll rumble in whatever crap shoes we got, yo) (well, my kind of rumble will more like stumbling over a chair trying to get away) ok where was I? I'm a Dreg gonna be all up in that security check, yo. I'm gonna show up and do my thang today, show them again how I screwed up a piece of paper, yo. (Too many yos? I need a dawg somewhere.) I do this what, once a year or so? Totally screw up a form. I need staff.
The super irony is that this post started out about typos and got interrupted by govt paper typos... I started it because there's a typo one or two posts back and I'm too lazy to go find it. LAZY. omg, ok, now I'm cycling back around to what is happening to me, and my shoulder nodding, and me going oh, yeah.
Ug, I'll hafta take everything out of my epi purse at the social security office. I'll pre-empty most of it in the car. It's small, but amazingly super efficiently packed so I won't have to carry a bigger purse.
If I don't stop this right now my morning is going to spiral way outa control. Cue the vid! I shall get me to minecraft straight away until my body reminds me it needs breakfast, yea verily. And then I'll run out my door again.
I started this Monday morning and came back to it through the day.
R.I.P. all-time fave sock.
I've never had a memorial for a sock before. I would wonder if I've gone off the deep end except I'm at home around bedrock already.
So last night. SPOILERS.
"Hodor".
Imagine experiencing your death many years before it ever actually happens, never ever ever being able to talk about it, and then someone else experiencing your death with you both at the end of your time and the time when you lived it during a massive seizure. And then every single time something bad happens in between the seizure and the final end, it triggers those memories of previewing your death, and you suffer PTSD the rest of your life over something that hasn't even happened yet.
"Hodor".
That got me. That was such a brilliant idea, brilliant writing and filming and acting.
~~~~~~~~~
One of those coming back to this days. I just woke up from one of those super detailed dreams where you know something is another way somehow, and you do everything in your power to not only remember it in your dream, but actually find it again, and then go wow, yeah, I remember doing this, and it goes on and on, and then you wake up- none of it was real.
When I was at my glitchiest after the brain fail and time order flew apart and memories became elusive, I had dreams about losing and looking for stuff, and one of the most difficult types of dreams to deal with was knowing I had another blog or page or something 'out there' and I couldn't remember the web address to find it. Since this has really happened because blog hosts and websites are fluid and flutter in and out of real time like leaves on a windy day (I've lost Yablo's House on AOL hometown, which was 7 or 8 pages of interactive fun, plus a geocities site I dearly wish I'd been able to screenshot, plus others), anyway, since this really happens (some of you saw me go through the Xanga server move and how terribly depressing it was), waking up from one of these dreams is ~difficult~. Pretty sure anyone who's lost all their junk in myspace or suffered facebook problems totally gets this. It's depressing.
Well, I just woke up from one where I had finally found one of the neatest pages I'd ever made, and I was so happy. I was finally able to access it and was thinking about moving some of the content because the ads had overtaken everything and my own content was so far down my own page that it didn't even show up until you scrolled, which meant half the visitors probably thought the crap at first load glance was my content and it wasn't. And I remember saying in my dream- "You can tell what's really my stuff because my blogs are ad-free." I woke up and rolled my eyes...
I like excavating around the ores, like an archaeologist gently lifting bones out of the earth
I haven't mentioned this in awhile, but have you noticed Pinky blog really is ad-free? And that I don't have any kind of button or link to paypal or gofundme or any other kind of donation page? (Ditto on my Lexx blogs.)
Google analytics recently let me know that this site is too big for the crawlers and I need to set up a site map. This blog is now well over 600 posts long, and I don't have a single ad anywhere on it. I've never monetized. Every link I put on this blog is my personal recommendation or link-back to someone else's content that I get neither paid nor compensated for. And this blog is worldwide.Kewl.
having way too much fun with lava challenges
But that dream reminded me it's the time of year for me to get ready to pay for my ad-free stuff on Xanga, which includes my original Lexx blog. On top of some of the ad-free investing, I've got 4 domain pointers. All of this investment comes out of pocket because I consider my blogs a hobby, not something I'm doing to make a living. I do this for me because it helps my head to writewritewrite and play with code. Blog hosts that insist on interrupting this process don't get used much, unless I'm using them for something else. WordPress is set up for gravatar verification and not much else except place holding and private content archiving. Maybe one day I really will have staff and open up the WordPress blogs in all their imagined glory, but for now, we wait.
I do wish my dream had been real. I wish I really could get all the content back I've ever lost. It's bad enough to have your blogs and websites closed out from under you, but even worse to delete your own content and then regret it years later. There is nothing more PTSD triggering on the internet than settling down roots in such a transient environment. I've even lost everything dear in an interactive gaming site because I didn't know it was beta created by a genius kid. Lately, Minecraft has updated, and now I'm nervous as hell that everything I've built on a 60-player server will be dumped before the end of the year because it's all outdated now.
lol, looks like Christmas season
You see why I get so many screen shots and vid captures now? Imagine not only losing the game you love because it shut down, but losing your memories of it. Thank goodness it was temporary, but the attempts at memory reconstruction have been nightmarishly depressing. I think I mentioned last fall that I was finally able to reconstruct a fairly accurate time line of ten very scrambled years in my past between severe PTSD over those memories and then the brain fail during a nasty viral illness hitting my nervous system.
It can all go *poof* at any time, every bit of it. Memories are the most precious things we have, next to living relationships, and the most fragile part of our existence in this world. All our silly squabbling over politics and opinionating over what we believe are nothing compared to being able to recognize someone we love, smell something lovely (I love the smell of fresh made alfalfa hay in the field), and taste our food. I've lost smell and taste for months at a time, I've nearly lost vision, partially lost a little hearing (and lost my ability to sing on key because I went tone deaf in one ear), and I'm still fighting not to lose what I can feel in my hands. I think I've mentioned the year my entire head, face, sinus, and even throat suddenly went numb. It's very unnerving. (Get it? haha)
I don't sweat the small stuff. Every day I'm getting through something, but one of the most important things you can know about me on the internet is that I will never ask readers for money. I write because I love to write, I share because I believe it's important, and I pay because that makes it more fun for me. I take ownership of my own content.
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Now it's Tuesday afternoon.
Ok, here's what's really going on with all the deep mining pix. I get these weird association obsessions because that's the way aspienado deals with stuff. A friend is moving this weekend, has about a 20 hour drive, and I guess this is kind of my way of being there in spirit. While my friend packed, I purged and organized all my minecraft chests and stocked the store because it made me feel like I was helping. And now that we're down to the cross country wire, I'm obsessively digging my way through the bottom of the world to a destination myself. Our township is pretty much in the -8000s longitude, and I have this weird curiosity to see whether I can follow a latitude line underneath all the things to the original world spawn point, which is 0,0. My latitude start point is -510 and I'm trying to stick to it as much as possible at a 5 block level up from absolute bottom of the world. I've been circumnavigating very dangerous lava beds and water, and part of what I hope to run into on my journey is 1- a stronghold, 2- a mesa biome, and 3- like I said, world spawn point. I've been watching the coordinates and designated biomes move past above me, have taken a few notes of places of interest I'd like to go see when I'm back out on top, like the ice mountains biome. I've already tunneled completely under two different oceans and several very different biomes and haven't yet run into a single other demarcated township through which I would technically be griefing if I kept tunneling without going around. I'm in multiplayer, so I'm really surprised I've had all this untouched wilderness to myself, and I'm seeing wonders no other eye has seen. I'm also getting really, really rich. I'm plowing through some pretty sweet ores down there. Anyway, I've got at least 5000+ more blocks to go to get anywhere near zero longitude, then I turn and zero down on the latitude. After that, who knows, I might keep on going for awhile. Something to do in between chores while I'm counting down to Memorial Day weekend.
This is from a week ago. It clicks to source, which clicks to this clip. I've spent the whole week thinking about this.
I don't fish for compliments, but I do take them seriously because I'm a difficult person to be friends with even on good days. A few lurkers have also let me know that they get what I'm doing and they're glad I'm doing it. In a very mixed up world, so many of us get lost in the dark, and like so many of my own lurkers now, I spent years sifting through the webs on very long dark nights and very sad empty days looking for little lights that let me know I'm not alone- I'm not alone feeling sad, I'm not alone feeling scared, I'm not alone feeling lost. I'm an autism spectrum super spoonie who has navigated blindly through terrible loss and frustration and anger, rebuilding my world tiny millimeter by millimeter up what seems like a very steep and jagged mountain looming over a nasty chasm. I know the ins and outs and angles of depression very well. I know how easy it seems like it would feel sometimes to just let go. I know how hard it is believing that hanging on is the right thing to do.
Pinky blog is a map I'm working on, the path I'm finding little by little up my mountain, and I share it because I believe that what I'm figuring out about how to survive is good and healthy for not just me, but for other people, too. I believe it's important to share what we learn, the joys and pains that helped us learn, and the hope we find in ourselves along our daunting journeys. It wound up turning into a love letter to a lost friend, and continues to grow now that we've been reunited.
Depression comes to us all in some form sooner or later. There is no contest over whose is worse or where it falls on a grading scale as simply sadness versus a diagnosed chemical imbalance. Depression is depression is depression. Sooner or later we all experience some level of depression, because we all live in our brains and we all experience life.
It's very important that we not tell each other to be quiet about our stuff, or to pretend everything is ok when it's not, or to make a game of self harming or self medicating for attention. Over this last year I had to make a very hard decision about disassociating from people who have quite severe depression in my opinion, but who have become so toxic that they think it's funny or 'right' to corrupt others around them into fellow self harm for the sake of words like love and friendship. It can get pretty twisted up, and since I've been there, I get it, but I cannot keep saying it's ok just because I'm friends with someone. I have other friends sinking in quicksands and stuck in quagmires who watched me try to keep my balance doing that, and in the end, all it did was hurt other people I care about, mainly lurkers teetering on brinks. Being a public person on twitter has consequences we don't always see.
If I'm part of hurting other people through ignorance and neglect, thenI am part of hurting other people. One of the saddest things I keep running into in the entertainment industry (which now seems to include twitter and blogging) is the idea that we must play the game to get brownie points, because someone 'above' us has some magical power that will wash down onto us if we do that. NO.
Everything we do in a spotlight sets examples to other people. I've been a very bad example a number of times throughout my past. I even nearly got a young man (and several others, if I think about it) killed because I was such an idiot. What brought us together was sadness. What blew us apart was self medicating to the point of neglect of our own safety. What we really needed was words.
We needed to hear I love you from people who made us feel bad. We needed to hear kindness from people who used their own emotional messes to manipulate us for their own reasons or beliefs. We needed to hear forgiveness and gladness when all we seemed to get was accusations and fault finding. We ran away to find each other, and everything only got worse because we didn't know how to start saying new words, so we found them in drugs and alcohol, and in very loud places where people wink at the way newbies are used up like new toys while people are reassuring them they love them.
I won't go into again how and why I found myself wrenched away from that pit of human despair, but I will say find your words. YOUR words. Not someone else's words. Don't get into the habit of repeating other people's euphemisms and catch phrases. SAY YOUR WORDS. We are here on this earth to say words because nothing and no one else alive here can. (We make up stories of animals and space visitors that can talk because we dream, but WE are the ones with words.) It's up to us to get this figured out. And if you can't say them, then type them, paint them, sew them, build them, create the things you see in your heart because you love them. Live your words.
But never tell someone to shut up when they are telling the truth.
If you don't like the truth because it opens up your own can of worms that you hide, you need to be dumping those worms out and turning them into words yourself. If you don't like the truth because it exposes something you keep secret, you need to stop either creating secrets to keep or holding secrets that others tell you to keep. If you are part of creating lifetimes of sadness in other people, you need to look into what is so broken in yourself that you would keep breaking more people. But pretending everything is ok isn't the solution to anything. I see far too many people doing that.
The best television is when we see characters tear themselves open and reveal truths, or discover truths, or fight for truths. But in real life we get addicted to TV shows and self medicating because we don't live our truths. Think about that.
The coolest people on earth, I think, are the ones who rip themselves open and shred themselves apart looking for ways to share how to see truth. The best entertainment on this earth is that which pulls us into that emotional abyss that makes us really feel something. But the most ironic thing about ALL of it is that the entire industry rests on real people keeping secrets, and the viewers using the merch of industry as a catatonic because they're afraid to deal with real truth themselves.
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Now it's Wednesday morning.
I haven't been able to decide whether to post this or not, rewrite it or not, possibly delete it or not.
"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams." Some of you know this from Willy Wonka, but he was quoting Arthur O'Shaughnessy.
“We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams.
World-losers and world-forsakers,
Upon whom the pale moon gleams;
Yet we are the movers and shakers,
Of the world forever, it seems.”
I got this snip on 2-5-16.
The witch thing in the title came from a dream a couple nights ago. Silk touch is used to enchant tools and weapons, and I've been thinking about making another silk touch pickaxe for removing ore blocks intact and using them as part of my evil lair construction. 'Distressed' ore just looks cool. I wish they had purple ores for amethysts. I think the witch thing came from me getting blasted in the face with potion again the other day, and as I was staggering away I accidentally hit inventory and noticed there was a little ball and chain emblem and a countdown going on for 'slowness'. No wonder I can't seem to win a witch fight, I'm in slo-mo. Good grief.
I'll be very curious to see if the 'Frontier invasion motif' adds history to what comes after the Enterprise series. For old and new fans alike, let me remind you that the entire series rests on Vulcans first discovering humans in First Contact, and as we watch developments throughout the Enterprise pre-TOS history series, we see humans and Vulcans struggling with precedents and rules about noninterference and very accidental, very dangerous and destructive (to Earth!) involvement because there is a race out there that is greatly offended about humans showing up and exposing their secret design to control the galaxy, and they use time as a weapon in ways that not even Doctor Who could fix. Enterprise (the series) does a very nice job setting up for TOS, and since Justin Lin is a huge fan of the entire franchise, I really hope he continues this filling in bits of ST history.
Ok, that got my blood pumping this morning. I'm kind of Schrodinger's cat today, playing phone tag about an appointment that got moved and just missed the office last night, so I hafta be ready first thing this morning for just in case whatever. Got a great start on my new list stuff yesterday and then fell right into #napclub and next thing you know, the day was gone, but hey, at least I actually made a The Flash live tweet, yay!
Storm rolling in and might hafta unplug. Time to get moving.
THANK YOU, *cough*Flash science writing and props team*cough* for actually showing a scientist doing something besides vaguely throwing some quick random circles up during a slam session on particle or quantum physics, yo.
But twitter going crazy over the shark factoid...
Guys, hearing one factoid doesn't mean you're "learning science" any more than hearing one bible verse means you're "getting religion". #epicfacepalm
pic clicks to an old review
And then twitter analytics ground to a halt in the middle of it all after a major downrightnow event earlier in the day.
Which means I couldn't see how this tweet I did was doing at all.
When a mofo has no fucks to give about ripping someone's pic and then getting only one retweet on it from the person they ripped the pic from HAHAHAHAHA.
It's all good, we've been following each other a long time. But that just cracks me up.
Anyway, now analytics is back up and I see my tweet went nuts. I'm used to seeing impressions because it shows up in a hashtag feed, but I'm not used to that many engagements. Maybe more than one mofo stole my pic, lolz. The media engagements are ppl popping that pic out, presumably to download. If you see this pic show up in a review somewhere, I took it. You're welcome.
Yeah, no, I don't do Flash reviews. Sorry. I just rant here and there.
I haven't been in minecraft that much lately because real life stuff, but I did spend an action packed hour yesterday in battle with a snake (wound up with 2 snake eggs for potions), a bear, a lion (earned a claw), snuck around a tree and nailed a skeleton before he could bolt me to death with his crossbow, OH and a skeleton horse. Those things are pretty nasty to tangle with, those hooves all up in your face alla sudden because they can run so fast, gotta really stay focused. And a boar. Actually shot that one on the run. Yes, we were both running when I shot my arrow. Skillz. Also a bunny. I'm wanting to make rabbit stew. The little stew bowls are so cute, and very nourishing.
What really freaked me out was while I was fishing in this beautiful lake Kai built a new house next to, I looked up across the water and caught an Enderman's eyes, threw my pole and just started running. I am NOT ready to take on a creepy dude from the netherworld who'll steal all my stuff. I didn't even look where I was running, splashing through water around a jagged beach and suddenly I was trapped at the base of the Cliffs of Insanity. For realz. Now we need a pirate ship... Anyway, I was carrying a stack of ladders and it never once dawned on me to use them. #superfacepalm
