Atlantis

This think review is the original, which I'll be copying to SyfyDesigns here.

Pix click back to sources. Ancient Aliens screenshots from my TV will click back to their History Channel episodes that were broadcast.

Very early on coming back out public, I was picked up by a little gang who did Stargate Atlantis (SGA) watches in a chatroom at SyfyDesigns. Stargate Atlantis is the second series in the Stargate franchise, a natural continuation of Stargate SG-1, and a precursor to understanding Stargate Universe. The franchise was based on an original movie that came out on 1994, which itself appeared after a long dry spell in scifi in the movie industry. Despite initial boos from critics, the Stargate movie, a French-American film originally released through MGM, won a number of awards and is considered a break-through film.

Of course, Stargate Atlantis is based on the legends and myths of Atlantis that we have around the globe, and just as SG-1 reimagined and explained the reality and science behind our myths of all the gods throughout human history, SGA reimagined and explained the reality and science behind the legend of Atlantis, which turns out to be a very real city that once existed on earth, but actually built like a spaceship that could pick up and leave, and wound up deep beneath an ocean on a planet in another galaxy. An SG team is sent to investigate after discovering clues on Earth, and the series rolls out from there.

The entire Stargate premise starts out with and heavily relies on pyramids, circular stargates, and loads of symbols. While the show looks to be about the gods that star in our myths, the undercurrent is always about the gates themselves, the advanced technology, translating the symbolism from other languages, and how our world militaries learn to cooperate while building trust and relationships with other races of beings in our universe. There are good guys and bad guys, ultimately explorations in points of view since good and bad become smeared, and also the gods themselves, but this kind of stuff happens in scifi shows across the board, so I'm ignoring it here. I'm not going to discuss characters and plots and the entertainment industry. Rather, I'm going to discuss reality and how fiction fits into it, particularly the Stargate franchise and our Atlantis myths.

Our Earth has real pyramids. Lots of pyramids. Lots and lots of pyramids. Just about anywhere you go on our planet, we have pyramids. Sometimes they're called mounds or temples, but oftentimes we find that they are really pyramids. The funny thing about these pyramids is that they seem to line up with constellations, they seem to lay along ley lines, and they have been permeating cultures time out of mind. They are utterly mysterious, making no sense, relics seemingly without purpose, and if you're keeping up with the archaeological sciences at all, they are turning out to be very, very cool.

The creepy thing about the Stargate franchise is that they were using pyramids complete with accoutrements for entertainment before some of these things showed up in very real science. While Star Trek gets a lot of credit for pre-inventing our modern tech, pyramid discoveries are flying under the public radar, and they're way bigger than automatic sliding doors and cell phones. If you were to check on all the latest pyramid science buzz going on around the globe and then go back and watch the entire Stargate franchise, the hairs would go up on your arms and neck. Real life is getting spookier and way more entertaining than all the scifi out there. Guys, we are living it.

Right off the bat, I want to bring up the SG-1 episode where a scifi show called Wormhole X-treme is based on the Stargate program using leaked info, and "The Air Force had decided that while being a breach of secrecy, the show could prevent any future leaks of information about the Stargate program from being taken seriously." This is not a new idea. I grew up alongside the entire Star Trek franchise, and I'm not the only person in the world who feels like it was a great way to not only get ideas out across all borders and boundaries, but lead the way into a new kind of world cohesion in the form of fandoms. I don't know whether that was intentional, but I believe it certainly is now as I watch world sync happening over the Doctor Who and Marvel franchises. Entertainment is leading the way in a new kind of world citizenship like human history has never before seen, and at its roots it started with television shows about star travel.

I'll interject that some of you know I also grew up in a household heavily steeped in end-time prophecy, UFOs, conspiracy theories, numerology, and Atlantis was among that. Because I'm trained from childhood, it's probably natural that I come to the conclusions I do, but I want to make sure we don't beg the question. Which comes first, conspiracy theories or mysteries? Because the conundrums are out there. Blowing off the conspiracy theories doesn't make the very real conundrums in human developmental history go away, and it's very interesting that the conspiracy theories are turning into very lucrative entertainment nowadays, which manages to both plant more seeds in all our brains and callouses us to taking the questions seriously. All we have to say is You watch too much TV.

On SGA, the SGC put together an international team of scientists and a special ops U.S. military team to travel to the lost city of Atlantis in the Andromeda galaxy. The CGI is fantastic and well worth the watch. The wraith were an unexpected twist and I'm still not keen on them, but the idea blossomed into adaptive DNA and from there I was fully on board. It's really too bad the wraith and goa'uld never meet, that could have gotten brutal. At any rate, humans survive all the obstacles and bring Atlantis back to Earth in the end.

So let's talk about Atlantis. The myth is still very real, kept alive through sometimes bizarre enculturations, but some historians do not discount it. Myths have a way of coming alive through archaeology, and we are living in a stellar century for discovery. Our modern tech and equipment are getting better, our dating techniques are getting better, our historical analysis is finally getting better as different science fields collide and integrate, and most of all, our world sharing in real time is phenomenal. We've never been able to put so many minds to so much work on the same things all at the same time like this before. All these things are very real and ongoing, so to say entertainment is creating a bunch of dismissible hooey is very misleading and exactly what it's there for. One of the big concerns with discovery is how disruptive the truth would be to society, right? We hear it all the time in fiction shows- hide the truth so we don't freak people out. But still they keep freaking us out with some really wild and crazy entertainment, and we're taking that just fine, so I feel like entertainment is either being used to callous us, or it's being used to slide truth under our radars. That's right, a conspiracy theory about entertainment itself. It's not new, guys. I heard conspiracy around entertainment as far back as The Electric Company being used to brainwash the next generation (now your grandparents), starting from childhood, so this is really old stuff. Personally, I'm not against using entertainment to brain train, although it's simultaneously breaking down barriers and building up other barriers, so it's a bit confusing, and part of the growing pains I talk about in other places.

One of the biggies lately is The Curse of Oak Island on the History Channel. That is one of the top ten conspiracy theories worldwide, ranking just under Atlantis and the pyramids. The myth behind Oak Island is that the Templar Knights hid something down a shaft that is so difficult to get to that it's taking years, millions of dollars, and industrial equipment trying to get down there. I'd say this borders on Atlantis frenzy. Growing up, I can't tell you how many times conspiracy theorists erupted with We found Atlantis! and it always fizzled out. Well, Oak Island is still going. It's not fizzling out.

Along the way to archaeological findings are weird conundrums, like some kind of tech in seriously wrong layers of time, which creates all new time travel conspiracy theories, or threatens to shred the human development timeline that anthropologists have already set up. This is nicely explained away in TV shows like Stargate Atlantis, of course, but the fact is that these conundrums still exist whether a TV show makes them up or not. What's creepy, honestly, is when fictionalized TV shows predict real life before real life happens, like an entire franchise spending years brain prepping us for the latest revolution in archaeological thinking, and here is where I intro Ancient Aliens.

Before I go any further, I can't help interjecting that so much of our own space program shares the same project names with entertainment companies, and all these names are from gods that come from the stars. Something to think about. I can't help thinking that documentary style archaeology is supplemental to fiction in a way that continues toward specific concepts being seeded into our minds, since one show is produced by a company that has the same name as a spaceship in another show, and I could really go to town with this if I dragged pop music into it seeming to use prompted buzz words across a number of artists and song titles, like 'satellite'. One could argue that these are all common anyway and therefore not coincidental. I say fine, let's move on.

Ancient Aliens is a documentary series consisting of a team of scientists and historians from all over the world coming together to work on the conundrum that may be behind all other conundrums and may be finding answers by putting pieces of the entire jigsaw puzzle together in a way never before possible. Now that we have satellite views of earth, space telescopes, world class computing, and millions of brains trained to problem solve, we are going back through all the old conundrums scientifically and remapping our thinking. It's no longer acceptable to brush inexplicable conundrums off with the idea that primitive peoples were actually capable of things our modern technology is not. Embracing that as ludicrous is key to moving forward. I can't help thinking what great timing this is with not only the Stargate franchise, but with.... Minecraft.

I'm about to show you something really funky. If you are a minecraft gamer, all of this already looks very familiar. Our world hosts real archaeological sites filled with giant building blocks. Have we come full circle? What do these sites have in common, and how did they spring up all over the world without technology sync? The repeating patterns are undeniable. I think both Stargate fans and Minecraft gamers can appreciate this kind of significance.

But what really tied it to Minecraft for me was this bit.

Much of Minecraft is about block hardness and grief damage, and one of the three specific common blocks aside from cobble is andesite, which can be polished and used in construction.

Minecraft creator Markus Persson is one of those virtuoso kids, a genius already programming at the age of seven. How in the world did a game even come into being that looks like a mimicry of real life Ancient Aliens sites? I myself live in rugged country near state forests, and I can't get over how realistic this very simple concept is. If one really wants to get into conspiracy, one could also drag modern magic and alchemy into the discussion, which is exactly where Ancient Alien technology sent humans reeling for generations, it would seem. I'm sure this is a very odd coincidence, but it happened, and here we all are noticing it.

Back to Atlantis. These are symbols found on a very real crashed craft that was hushed up for years. No one has ever identified the origin of this craft. What is the point? This meant something to whoever put it there.

One of the mantras of ancient archaeological sites is "as above, so below". Ancient builds across entire continents lay out like constellations. Among the questions that instantly invites are why, how, and who in the world even thought of doing this?

Needless to say, I'm very much enjoying the 12th season of Ancient Aliens, click that to see full episodes yourself. Not paid to link that.

So the obvious question I'm leading up to is- Are the Ancients getting us ready for what's really behind Atlantis through entertainment and gaming? Are we being prepared to become world citizens with plug in jobs that include terraforming, big building, and coding? Will our militaries become work units in much larger collections of travelers, and will our ability to problem solve be the standard by which we level up in a new lifestyle?

Maybe our grandkids will have the answers to all this. By then we could all be plugged into the Matrix and never know the difference. For all we know, Atlantis could simply be Earth, lost to the heavens beyond, which cryptically brings up even more scifi shows about hunting for the planet of human origin. Why else would we be fought over and protected from catastrophic events in ancient history? And better yet, why are we so obsessed with it for so many generations if none of this holds an inkling of truth? It's almost like we keep being prompted to remember...

summer syllabus

I couldn't settle on one. I love them all. Click to get lost in snake memes.

Started this yesterday.

I finally ran into the Pinky Guerrero porn stuff. In Google search, the name Pinky Guerrero lists that particular site at the bottom of the 4th page. You'd think it would rank higher, but the 10 seconds I saw looks so mediocre that I nearly laughed. Page 1 is me and other Pinky alternating all the way down the page. She ranked very top spot, which is reasonable since a career is on the line, and I applaud that. I'd almost feel guilty enough to let my own Pinky stuff go except that then she'd be all alone with the Pinky porn stuff and no one stopping it from infiltrating her own ranking, probably landing it on page 2. What really cracks me up is a convo between me and @Vodstok ranking higher than the Pinky porn. I'm uber failing to tweet very well this spring, and that 3 1/2 year old convo still ranks higher than porn.

THAT cheered me up. I'm not exactly in a funk, just really tired, I think.

So yeah, I made a syllabus for the summer since I'm all spoonie jetsetter and doing the fail thing a little too regularly. You know, forget to wash a load of clothes after I specifically say I'm going to and then articles of clothing that we need are NOT cooperatively happy to make our worlds brighter, and my brain hammers me the rest of the day with YOU HAD ONE JOB. Entire days just fall right out of my brain. I'm not sure how Tuesday was suddenly Friday (but not Sunday?) even though I distinctly remember Wednesday and Thursday but they feel like last week, and really? Tomorrow is Saturday? Are you sure it's not Sunday?

I worked very hard for inch by inch progress over 5 years of physical therapy, and 2017 is this big backslide positioning itself at the top of a gravelly mountain and I can feel myself starting to slip. I got my arms back, and guess what, I'm losing arms again. I controlled that nasty sciatica flare and guess what, it's back. I regained so much freedom from neck pain and guess what, I can barely tolerate laying down again and I'm still exhausted enough to zonk right through 4 straight hours without an eyeblink (and no pills to help me do that). So I thought awhile and put all my skills and tools to work- assessed all the things, wrote out a care plan (I'm trained to assess and write out care plans, a nice thing to remember when I'm not too busy playing minecraft), and then wrote out a daily plan around that, basically segmentalized (blogger doesn't believe that's a real word) time slots for things that need to get done. These time slots include-

• at the very top of the priority list, an hour of purposeful DOWN TIME with elevated feet, complete relaxation techniques, and lower core maintenance
• an hour of basic chores around the house
• an hour of mild activity not related to work of any kind, like walking, stretching, core work, nerve glossing
• an hour of TV (I usually never watch TV during the day, so that pulls me away from the computer, which is notorious for spinal problems)
• an hour of media presence maintenance, includes accounts and dotcoms maintenance
• an hour of random organizing apart from chores, including money and calendar sync and spaceship space reallocation (clearing counters and drawers, etc), playlist rescues

That is 6 hours. That makes room for appointments and shopping if I have a day in town, a nap if I need one, handling extra stuff like a phone call, other unplanned things.

Right, you noticed minecraft isn't on the syllabus. 😋 I'm minimizing time on. I didn't realize until I discovered I could insert a stat bar into my blog header that I'm over 800 hours into the Mo Creatures server since it came back up at the beginning of the year. I think that counts afk time, and I do get up quite a bit while the launcher is still going, but it still looks pretty bad. It works out to over a solid month of game time, or if it were divided into 40 hour work weeks, that would be 20 weeks of logging in to work, or 5 months of work. I'm basically spending 40 hours a week logged into a game to keep me sane in between doubling my work and stress load this year. Once I realized that was happening, I automatically started putting time back into actual WORK. Well, you know what I mean. I don't get paid, but I pretend it's time investment toward a wealthy future. I can dream. Dreams are more fun when they're possible.

The really fun part of this dream is that if I can pull off what I hope I can, I've always wanted to buy into a Sonic franchise because I think it would be hella cool to say I own a Sonic. I've had the area picked out for years, and if it got approved I would be considered a major business developer in my area. I checked into requirement specs years ago, standard (when I last checked) is $1M in cash or collateral. I know it's possible to make that if I keep after what I'm building, but things are hard and I feel like I took a few gap months while I handled my brain playing trampoline.

I miss my old routine, but even before all the big changes this spring, I knew I was getting way too comfortable in my rut and becoming nonproductive. I may not be able to handle a lot of stuff, but I can still be productive every day. A bunch of little things over time adds up to a great big thing that can look pretty amazing. Learning to channel this into a process made me feel strong, and letting that slip back away is making me feel very crabby.

So focus is back on recovery and maintenance now that the med problems and pain control have finally been properly taken care of, and with maintenance comes the work again. I love working. I need to work. I dreadfully miss evening television and live tweeting, but I manage to catch up in between minutes here and there, and I'm still here, lurking around.

Now it's today.

Ok, got interrupted, lol. Bunny is my favorite whirlwind. Anyway, was about to say it's time for #Snarkstock2017 and I'd be lurking through the feed, but my evening was immediately capsized and then I realized I was fatigued enough to go to bed early and really SLEEP and maybe I'd better take advantage of that.

One of the requirements medicare has for equipment rental is keeping my sleep score at least 70% every night, and I very rarely slip down to something like 69%, so I'm winning the CPAP game, especially since 7 nights out of 14 are usually over 80% and at least 3 of those in a 2 week time span are over 90%. I haven't slept this much in YEARS. *I like it.* I still can't imagine sleeping 8-10 hours a day like some of you insist is mandatory or your day sux, but the whole 4-6 hours on CPAP and sometimes another 2 hours after that sans mask is changing my universe into something a bit more congenial. That does NOT mean I'm easier to talk to or my mood swings have lessened. Those are their own challenges, tied to the horrors of existence on a cellular level, but at least sleeping more cuts down on my awareness of that.

Anyway, focusing back on the plan stuff, my original thesis during my Resource Planning degree was very ambitious. My family moved to the Ozarks when I was a teenager, and I've spent years next to Branson and fondly call it my back yard. This is a big tourism area, and my kids grew up working 'on park' (theme parks) and the kind of high traffic retail that comes with tourism. I remarried into a family that migrated from up north, so when I traveled north with Scott and saw Mall of America, THAT became my thesis goal, to write up a proposal for a second Mall of American in the Ozarks (which would have been a huge load of work, possibly leading to a lucrative career), so I obviously think big. I can't help it, I've always been like this. I should be on a star ship mapping galaxies. So it's not really a stretch for me to think it's possible to own a Sonic. It's not a stretch to hope I'll one day be able to travel a bit, fly across the pond, as they say. The hardest part is believing I can do this (whether it comes to pass or not) and continuing to work toward it, even though it's grueling and taking some time. I'd rather work toward something than sit back and let it go, bury myself in something and no one misses me when I'm gone because I was a whiny soul about how life is hard and pain sux and my lot in life is to suffer. That attitude can go blow.

My father-in-law next door is on hospice, very literally on last watch, and he got up this week, made it outside, and tried to kill a big snake. When I'm at death's door, I want to be just like that. I want to get up, haul myself out into danger, and kill the crap out of something scary.

Working on something, this is my fave mood music for a few things. I don't really share what's closest to the vest, but it's a long time coming and I've been hinting for awhile.

game

I have a pattern of more intensity just prior to and during antibiotics. I go on deep research dives and scattered information benders that lead to some really wild places. I generally don't share how weird it gets, but in between the sudden random short weepy bursts (probably because I hold back so much on just really not feeling well and then I can't control it once antibiotic hits), I go on web blitzes that make X-Files level conspiracy theories seem as acolytic as plain American cheese might to a master chef specializing in cave aged Gruyere. I fondly blame the herxing. If you're new to me and don't know what that is, here you go.

The problem with the intensity is that I'm too much of a mess to get any real work done on any level (yes, duh, I'm sick), but if I don't stay busy I crash through room after room of high speed awesome ideas ripping through my brain and ridiculously sad pathetic unawesome thoughts about how I'll never finish my cool underwater city on StarrStrukk (minecraft), and it's like being on a stupid kiddie roller coaster cycling around the same little circle of ups and downs and I can't seem to interrupt it with youtube or TV or reading a book or cleaning or cooking or eating anything or even a nap, so I just spelunk wildly through the darker part of the webinet looking for trubba.

A few of today's excursions included

• I Dream of Jinn-ie (I lol'd, this was a long-shot and someone actually did it)
• The Illuminati Formula to Create an Undetectable Total Mind Control Slave (strong caution on abuse triggers)
• Benedict Cumberbatch is ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED!!! (funny youtube reveal parody)
• Lady Gaga - “Yoü & I” Analysis (my question is who and why anyone went to all this effort to spell it out, and I suspect it's to prove that we no longer blink or care, so they can openly show off their power over mass mind control now)
• 'Human sacrifice' ceremony at Geneva's CERN laboratory - involving cloaked men 'stabbing a woman' at night - is investigated by chiefs at world-famous science centre (I've made long blog titles but this one wins the gold star)
• Phroyd's World (be careful, you will seriously get lost in there)

I have thankfully managed to steer clear of most of pinterest, a nightmarish black hole binge that can go on for hours.

Blogging through some of the herx helps me reorient. In about an hour I'll start supper.

Anyway, so I've had this funny idea for a long time that the reason Lexx never really went big, despite worldwide interest and still-current fan activity, is because they didn't play right with the powers that be. Lexx represents everything that goes against the mainstream entertainment grain, and the more you look into Illuminati anything in entertainment history, the more you understand that the Lexx story is about breaking free and escaping that. It feels like one of those free-thinking shows that got quietly knocked off the rails because it sends the wrong message.

I just said something very powerful. Now I'm going to go do something else and pretend I didn't just say it, because I'm in a weird herx mind state and can't be held responsible for saying something that would make a few people distance themselves even further from me. Here, have a fun video to watch while I go fold some more laundry.

late for my boing

Wow, got 8 hours again last night. Why don't I feel pleased?

click that cranky face if you need major diversion *now*

Got the scoop on the new server yesterday, no more towny, warp stores will be all different, I'll need to learn golden protection. There are loads of land claim servers using this, so learning something new is good. Who knows if I'll ever get prolific enough to handle other servers, but I don't see that before the year is out.

I'm really liking the being able to push through slumps on this gabapentin. The amount of sleep I'm getting is still back and forth with the manic swings, few nights ago was 5 hours tops for a couple of nights, then 6, and all that without naps, so getting back to a full night is probably a good thing. I miss the surge of boing on euphoric weeks, but if it helps my pain level to sleep, then LET'S SLEEP, by gummies.

And that reminds me of a song. Later, taters.

we either need a living passion to believe in or I'm gonna learn Czech

Waking up at 2:30 a.m. coughing, like you do.

Wow, betcha never thought of this one... "Coughing cats may be allergic to people." Click the pic for more.

3:15 a.m. Why isn't there coffee?? Some people remember to turn the switch on. This setup used to have a morning timer, but the clock's been broken for years. Why do we keep it? Because you can't get under the counter mounted coffee makers any more without having to run a water line. Since we've got filtered water storage under the sink, we're already running a line up to a separate tap for drinking water.

Do you know what's cool about baby cave crickets and ants? Neither one of them surprises me with a dive bomb into my coffee cup. Most of the ladybugs are about gone now. For all their ineptness, they seem to haven an intuition about the outside of the house being better than the inside now.



6:30 a.m. Looking up uvula stuffs. I've been noticing last couple of years that sudden coughing spasms during allergy seasons seems to start there. Guess I nailed it jumping on the pred yesterday. Clicks to source.

So... something I ate yesterday? I'd had lunch within the hour, foods I'm used to but supposed to avoid during peak histamine seasons, like chocolate and cheese. Doesn't mean I'm necessarily allergic to anything new (yet), but maybe avoid them for about 6 weeks, the same way I avoid tomatoes through the spring. I used to think I was allergic to tomatoes, but I'm not. I can eat a little ketchup just fine, but eating salsa this time of year is definitely out.

My goal is to stay out of the ER this year. April is always my ER month. Hopefully vigilance will pay off. I've lost count of how many times I've wound up in ER or urgent care or walk in clinics over the last 5 years because of sudden food reactions during tree and ragweed seasons. Getting really tired of it.

I'm going to do like yesterday and just leave this post open in case I need to come back and compulsively write.

7:25 a.m. Overheard a few ants gathering around for a treasonous discussion about the rumor that the Queen is really sending them out on these patrols as part of population control, since no one ever comes back from these missions. One little guy popped off about going off on his own and eating what he wants instead of taking it back to the nest, because he doesn't care because this kind of treatment and YOLO, right, while the others tried to shush him. Oopsie. There they suddenly went on a water ride. Dead by Dawn, as it were. They didn't know me and the Queen are in cahoots.

4 p.m.

This post is so stupid that I'm going to paste something over from a private convo.

[3:06:39 PM] Pinky Robot: man, I haven't looked at my tweepsmap stats in almost two years. 12% of my total followers (the highest percentage) are in CA, and that works out to 304 accounts.

[3:07:45 PM] Pinky Robot: Sorry, this is my brain on prednisone, chasing numbers around. I'm trying not to eat. I'm starving.

[3:14:13 PM] Pinky Robot: then it's UK, NY, and FL, which totals to 843 with the CA in it. I didn't realize. I was so busy weeding out the crap for weeks that I never picked up on where all the real people were. Google analytics always told me L.A. was top city, with London being a close second, but beyond that it's really vague.

[3:24:05 PM] Pinky Robot: I really wish I had a crystal ball. 23 hits on this, most of them from facebook, and it's always a curious thing to see when key cities show up around things that regular fans don't really care about. I would looooove to know who in the world on facebook checked that out when all I can see in my public groups is member names that saw it, and they're not from L.A. This is what I keep trying to tell the closed off groups, they really need to make their stuff accessible so that 'big' people don't have to cow to making visible accounts and actually loiter with the noobs.
http://lexxperience.blogspot.com/2016/04/the-year-that-lexx-ranked-into-top-40.html

[3:27:18 PM] Pinky Robot: My numbers look poor on post reach half the time, but if people could see what I see they'd probably jump in and start waving saying "I'm a Lexx fan". So many of these fans go out of their way to dig up and follow all the actors and sometimes even directors, like it makes a difference that the same 50-300 people show up everywhere, but they can't seem to grasp that the more important people who HIRE these people would rather see the FANS talking about what they'd put cash on the counter for. I feel like I'm pulling teeth.

[3:29:04 PM] Pinky Robot: I've fielded so many people asking why don't they make more Lexx, and my question back is why don't you make it more obvious that you WANT Lexx? Holy cow, look at the other fandoms out there ripping it up.

Prednisone makes me pissy. I wanna go shake people. (swear) lol

And it won't matter because probably only 15-30 people tops will ever read this if I never hashtag it or promote, and only link it once.

In. A. Mood.



I just wanna ask you guys- if you could see who checks out my stuff, would you come out of the dark and start shining your phones and lighters to the world? Would you stop sitting in the dark whining and get your butts out here helping me show these corporate guys WHAT. YOU. WANT.?

I get in the stupidest arguments with people who actually literally whine that there isn't more Lexx 'out there' or in the works, who then turn around and say they like their secret culty fandoms, it makes them feel 'special'.

Ok, let's make Benedict Cumberbatch His Divine Shadow and watch the world explode, you tiny little brains out there. 'special'

I'm feeling very Zelenka today. If you don't know what that means, go back to feeling special in your little hole. I'm ready to asplode the world.



p.s. I don't hate you. It's the prednisone.

restructuring

Aaaaand statcounter went to sleep on Pinky blog on the 25th. That's actually pretty funny. You guys don't know why. Anyway, while I broke through 51,000 over Easter weekend, statcounter is swearing I've had zero visitors. I'm pretty sure it's related to a blogger update and I've got to go reinsert the code now. I'm still too lazy to go fix it. I'm such a tracker slacker nowadays.

Taking a puddlejumper out for a spin, like you do. You guys remember Stargate Atlantis? I feel like I'm mapping terrain on an alien planet, making notes of interest for later. And this planet really does have baddies, much like wraith. I'll have to be careful while I'm discovering an amazing civilization here.  Kai says I can upload a singleplayer world to share when I get it the way I want. I might do that. May be awhile, though, still just getting through this last hectic week before I have room to breathe.



I spent several hours typing real words yesterday and now my hands ache again. That is work. Doing my Seradge exercises helps a LOT after all that ASTYM. Today was my last day of occupational therapy on arms and hands. I assessed out at about the same strength level, but my pain level has gone down dramatically.  Thursday I follow up with the surgeon and see where I'm at. I'm hoping I go back into therapy for neck/shoulder/back/arm sometime later this spring, as per my neurologist. I saw someone go through shoulder replacement, I do NOT want to ever go there.

Totally forgot to mention this happened the other night.

Here is the next morning for context on the very short bars because it looks like nothing else is happening.

And I finally figured out it was this.

Of course, that number is nearly 20,000 now, thanx to @kenjeong retweeting me. We've been watching Dr. Ken religiously.

This next is a random thought that popped into my head earlier this morning.

I think a lot of people have the idea that confidence is what inspires us to do something, and that having your confidence shattered makes it impossible to get it done. I've found the opposite to be true. I have no confidence at all and just do stuff anyway expecting it to go wrong or something because it seems like everything always does. I'm going to quote myself from confidence-

There is no such thing as confidence. I've never been confident. I'm not blogging because I feel confident. I hit that publish button and cringe every. single. time. I have learned that it doesn't kill me. Yeah, I still have a few panic attacks, once in awhile one will last a couple of hours and you don't see me being cartoony around my house, but I believe this is important. We are all important. I believe that feeling confident is a lack of feeling something else, just like my lack of stage fright due to an extreme lack of self awareness because I'm a little deeper on the Asperger's spectrum cannot be called confidence.

I think oversharing is a cool thing. It's about time we told each other what's really in our heads. If people want to read it, fine. If they don't, they can click to something else. It's your blog. Do what you want on your own blog within reasonable legal limits.

I have recently migrated into a 'safe spot' where I can have private support without it turning into a public debacle. I have relaxed so much. Relaxing isn't the same thing as gaining confidence, and it has nothing to do with getting confidence back. It doesn't take much to shatter confidence, even if you're at the top of your game, and it doesn't take much to find confidence, because it's easily manufactured in the form of chemicals going into our brains.

This part is different now. Pay attention.

I am confident in other people being more capable than they think they are, and being more in tune to what's going on around me than I am.

Pay attention again, here's where it gets good.

Being confident in other people being capable and more in tune doesn't mean they really are.

And here's the clincher.

But as incapable and out of tune as I feel myself to be, look how far I've come.

I kind of failed theorems and proofs in high school and sucked at logic in college, but I'm pretty sure I just conquered it right there.

Modernized a cliff dwelling. I've walked around the Manitou cliff dwellings in real life, still use a locally hand woven wool blanket I bought in the museum gift shop. That was a very long time ago, though, before they had it all set up like this for tourists. I'm sure it's even cooler now. It didn't have sidewalks and railings like they show in the pictures now, we had to hike up to where they were.

I need to go do stuff. I want you guys to remember though, like she says, we were all born to be here. It's not about being brave first. It's about doing it anyway.

I know, right? #TheFlash

THANK YOU, *cough* Flash science writing and props team *cough* for actually showing a scientist doing something besides vaguely throwing some quick random circles up during a slam session on particle or quantum physics, yo.

But twitter going crazy over the shark factoid...

Guys, hearing one factoid doesn't mean you're "learning science" any more than hearing one bible verse means you're "getting religion". #epicfacepalm

pic clicks to an old review

And then twitter analytics ground to a halt in the middle of it all after a major downrightnow event earlier in the day.

Which means I couldn't see how this tweet I did was doing at all.

When a mofo has no fucks to give about ripping someone's pic and then getting only one retweet on it from the person they ripped the pic from HAHAHAHAHA.

It's all good, we've been following each other a long time. But that just cracks me up.

Anyway, now analytics is back up and I see my tweet went nuts. I'm used to seeing impressions because it shows up in a hashtag feed, but I'm not used to that many engagements. Maybe more than one mofo stole my pic, lolz. The media engagements are ppl popping that pic out, presumably to download. If you see this pic show up in a review somewhere, I took it. You're welcome.

Yeah, no, I don't do Flash reviews. Sorry. I just rant here and there.

I haven't been in minecraft that much lately because real life stuff, but I did spend an action packed hour yesterday in battle with a snake (wound up with 2 snake eggs for potions), a bear, a lion (earned a claw), snuck around a tree and nailed a skeleton before he could bolt me to death with his crossbow, OH and a skeleton horse. Those things are pretty nasty to tangle with, those hooves all up in your face alla sudden because they can run so fast, gotta really stay focused. And a boar. Actually shot that one on the run. Yes, we were both running when I shot my arrow. Skillz. Also a bunny. I'm wanting to make rabbit stew. The little stew bowls are so cute, and very nourishing.

What really freaked me out was while I was fishing in this beautiful lake Kai built a new house next to, I looked up across the water and caught an Enderman's eyes, threw my pole and just started running. I am NOT ready to take on a creepy dude from the netherworld who'll steal all my stuff. I didn't even look where I was running, splashing through water around a jagged beach and suddenly I was trapped at the base of the Cliffs of Insanity. For realz. Now we need a pirate ship... Anyway, I was carrying a stack of ladders and it never once dawned on me to use them. #superfacepalm

Does anyone else keep David Nykl on mobile alert?

Just for that, I'm starting my morning off with Zelenka vids, yay!

perspective

Woke up in a new place, after my arduous months-long tortured crawl through this blog sorting my head out, feeling neither listless nor compelled, wondering what direction one goes after one actually figures out where one's been. And then the first thing I saw on facebook this morning was

It both scares and humbles me when I see local headlines like this: "Pedestrian Hit Near MSU Earlier This Month Died"
Excuse me while the PTSD kicks in...

That reminded me that my direction, as always, is clear.


To all the people out there who have survived something and watch the rest of the world keep sprinting in the rat race while we crawl for awhile in the slow lane, remember that tortoises win the races. Speed and distance are illusions, and being bumped out of the illusion only means we can see the world better. Once that happens, there is no stopping us. Life sux and then we conquer.

Blogger is telling me this is my 400th post. If this were wordpress there would be some kind of silly badge for that. Hang on while I give myself an award. LOL, I grabbed my own award back from Angelbacchae's screen capture site. The pic clicks back to her awards page.

So this is my birthday week, and all this is making me feel pithily observation-y. Like, thank goodness someone still had some of my stuff when I got stupid and deleted entire folders of it. Like, fortunately I didn't disappear from my accident years ago and even after I metaphorically killed all my content off the web, I'm still here scrawling 

I was here.

Aaaaaaand my screen blipped and half the stuff in a whole other paragraph up there just disappeared. Cosmic joke's on me. If this were wordpress, I'd be able to recover an earlier timestamped autosaved version, so that's what I get for mocking.

Holding true to my theme, this pic's source has disappeared.
I linked it anyway.

Jaunted through someone's fan tumblr yesterday and I don't feel so obvious about overthinking now, in any capacity, just as I've mentioned that any time I feel I might be wasting my time doing anything on the internet, all I have to do is go read the lengthy thesis on the pros and cons of Bradley's facial hair. This snip clicks back to the survey it came from.

Well, I read through what is probably only a tenth of a really excellent blog of many posts devoted to every innuendo of sexual inference digested into paragraphs of what can only be the writer's ego (my opinion, since I'm trained in psyche eval and can notate every personal interjection) overlaid onto every single little bitty jot and tittle of conspiracy filming (THAT is a whole different awesome blog I wound up on, holy moly) to hide the truth in plain sight about how John and Sherlock really felt about each other (because we all know that's the most important part of everything, even when people are being murdered), and now I'm way more satisfied about the quality time I've put into figuring out my own life instead of obsessing about fictional characters no one can agree on. I mean, it all made sense, yes, but honestly, the surprising thing was how much of what was said was almost identical to what I've written (in an extremely briefer way), only the exact opposite, so it seems to me that POV interpretation is still what drives sales, to make a blunt conclusion. In short, it doesn't matter, as long as fans keep buying the merch.

What I'm saying is, those blogs allow me to look into the bloggers' own minds, not just John's and Sherlock's. The way they interpret scenes that I interpret very differently, based on my own subjective experiences, is what makes this whole study so fascinating to me. Sherlock and John are fictional characters, we are not. Studying the psychosocial phenomenon that is fandom on the internet is my favorite thing in the whole world. If I were going for my PhD I'd be doing this kind of stuff for my thesis. And, honestly, this is exactly what fandoms are for, to simulate open discussion about difficult to discuss subjects. They defer the content away from the incrimination or apology or emotional angst of self onto a harmless subject with much lower risk of repercussive psychological injury.

It's just nice to know that other people (yes, more) spend insane amounts of time thinking out loud, like I do. Gives me something to read. I love you guys. I love all your head stuff.

Yes, I obviously lived. Yesterday sucked, but I kept reminding myself that it's all familiar, no matter what decision I would have made, I'd have spent the same amount of time doing nothing about it until it eased off. Did the logical push hydration and protein thing, slept great last night for the first time in ages again, feel so much better this morning. Did a search on how long zithromax stays in one's system, got a half life math thing that concluded 15.5 days after last dose, cowabunga. So just stay calm and distract on, right? Quick, look over there.

click for more trew stuffs

That one never fails to get a guffaw out of me no matter how my day sucketh mightily. Interwebs, you are so good to me.

And so is my kiddo! Looky, a birthday box arrived! With sox!!!

I'd like to thank Bob for the card.

@bonenado immediately went into a guilt spasm and had me order new slippers because mine are shot, so my birthday this year is all about footwear. That clicks to amazon if you want to browse.

My phone keeps warning me that storage is critically low. Every warning goes down to a new lower number, even though I faithfully clean and purge and wipe and restart- we're getting into the 19 mg free range now. Yeah, I'd say that's critical. I've eeked so much extra life outa this phone, far beyond its life expectancy.

That reminds me of a dream I had years ago during my cave days, when I was taking a break from the internet. I had bought the Stargate Atlantis set so I could marathon at my convenience, and who knows what kicked this off, I know I was complaining back then of xanax making my dreams way too vivid and real and barely slept because sometimes they got so terrifying or sad that I just couldn't, so when I did sleep, I DREAMED. Maybe my brain was super dreaming trying to catch up from all the insomnia, who knows.

At any rate, Zelenka had been dropped off on very small satellite station orbiting some ancient and now extinct planet or other, and was going to be picked back up in about 12 days. He had the long and tedious job of getting all systems back up, restored to original capacity (if possible), backed up, and then start on assessment and interpretation until rendezvous time. It was a really boring dream for the longest time, just watching a guy in a spacesuit reconfigure systems until he reached a point of being able to take off the suit, and then keep working on debugging and reinstallation for nonworking parts, just really intricate and tedious. And then something went wrong. Something always goes wrong. Power went completely out in a tiny station nearly out of everything consumable, including air and ecosystem control like heat, and after about 6 hours of clamping everything down into sheer survival mode, there was nothing to do at all but sit still and just wait to be picked up.

Of course in my dream I could see the calculating going on in his mind, and knew he knew he'd be long dead before they got back. There was just no way to beat time passing, no tricks to pull out of a sleeve, no magic hat of ideas, just nothing left and no way to contact anyone. Just be still and relax, use as little air as possible and let his body go into hypothermia as slowly as possible.

I was upset in my dream. I wasn't corporeal, I wasn't even me. I don't know what I was. Just an observer of a fictional character. I felt so frustrated. Usually in dreams, by this point, I either know I'm dreaming (I didn't know this time) or I figure out I can push in and do something (I didn't realize I was 'there' to do anything). I've been lucid dreaming since I was a toddler, so looking back on this is really odd how stuck I felt not realizing I could maneuver as an entity in any way. I only felt frustrated.

Time passed. I hovered around, in and out of the station, watching him go unconscious, watching the stars, watching the planet rotate. Nothing else happening. I hovered back into his head, and he was nearly gone. I knew all it would take was one transmission to get someone back there, even though they were impossibly far away, because the tech they used allowed that kind of travel, but there was no way I could send a transmission, even if the tech was working, because I didn't know how. At this point in the dream I actually tried fiddling with some switches in the dark. Of course nothing happened. I have no idea if it would've looked like the switches were flipping themselves, I didn't dream of me actually being there.

I made a decision to go find the people who'd dropped him off and tell them to come get him. That part was easy. All I had to do was slip back through time to when they dropped him off and left and tag it, kind of like tagging a piece of code, and then doing a search later for the tag and the highlight taking you right to it. (Don't ask, I've been dreaming like this for a long time.) So bing, next thing I was hovering around a busy deck full of people and no way to communicate. I told you this dream was long. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to say even just his name (I couldn't, I had no way to vocalize) or get his name onto a screen (I couldn't, I have severe symbol fail in dreams, I can't type or spell or keep numbers straight). I finally got so frustrated that I just pushed into someone's head and screamed ZELENKA, and she dropped the stuff she was holding, and from there was about an hour-long fight to get a single idea through to her to the crew. All I needed to communicate was GO BACK NOW. That was ridiculously difficult. But once that got through, they did go get him, barely in the nick of time. He'd already stopped breathing and was close to brain death, but they did manage to pull a rescue and eventually get him healed to full capacity.

That dream was obviously about my own brain trying to repair and communicate. I yap all the time about my glitchy brain. I had that dream during probably the blackest part of my existence. During the dream it really did feel like long hours and days were passing, but I don't think I slept more than 4 hours max, more likely 2 or 3. I very clearly remember that dream but still have memory problems around real life during that time frame. I've actually had to draw out a timeline for reference, make a list of dates, and go back through old blogs at least once a month trying to keep my life straight, but I remember that dream in great detail. That was my brain showing me how it was working on its own repair, connecting disrupted synapses, giving me context for what was going on in my real life inside my own head.

Neat, huh?

Think about it. My brain cells were able to give me a picture of their existence.

So waking up this morning wondering what to say next, I think the point is to just keep saying. A lot of us have stuff, much of it is very confusing and frustrating, but I believe no matter how tangled up things get, every day is an opportunity for discovery of self and for caring about others. Through all the sadnesses and sufferings, I think the most important words that ever came out of any human's mouth are "I love you."

I love you guys. This is my birthday week, and I'm very glad to still be here. If I could hand out birthday favors on my blog party I'd give each of you an awesome day, some yummy food, and the warm fuzzy feeling of being truly loved. Thank you for reading my blog. That is your present to me.

I was looking for an awkward hugs compilation and ran into this wonderful gem.



:edit: one hour later

O.M.G. "I was upset in my dream. I wasn't corporeal, I wasn't even me. I don't know what I was. Just an observer of a fictional character. I felt so frustrated."

Guys- that is my brain talking. My consciousness is the fictional character to my brain.

Just- wow.