-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero, this blog is PinkyGuerrero, ongoing continuation at blogs Pinky & Janika & Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
 photo README2.gif


Sunday, January 31, 2016

glaciers melting in the dead of night

original pic from here

Cool things that happened this weekend-
  • Was listed into a fave authors list, and I'm not even published yet.
  • The comment that came in tonight on this post from a real doctor.
  • Crunching numbers and seeing that traffic on this blog grew 422% from this time last year.
  • Being blown away by the sheer talent of the coolest person I've ever met.

It's important to make note of a good day. Goodness knows there are so many depressing days, it seems. I learned from Chris Hardwick's The Nerdist Way to give myself credit for the little things as they happen so they can become bigger things. Not noticing our little things makes us believe the lies depression tells us. Get that book. Srsly changed my life, see my journey out of the swamps of sadness into gaming my life.

Feeling nostalgic. These aren't my vids, just a few rescues that disappeared. They make me feel good. I have thousands more. One vid disappeared this weekend in the middle of me listening to it. Yes, I'd already pre-rescued it. No, I'm not replacing it. Very few get salvaged back out.

Believing every single day that what I'm doing is important is crucial. Bless the soul who created this vid.

Embracing who I am and having fun with the ups and downs in my life makes it all bearable, even when it's necessarily tongue in cheek. I thank God every day for fans and fandoms.

Enjoying the creative processes going on all around me helps me focus. I would have loved to see this one get finished.

This is my fave fanvid song across all fandoms. Me and this song go waaaaaay back, all styles and artists. A Sherlock version is rare and precious.

This is a still from a vid I recorded this weekend. It's a very tiny first look teaser, lol. Yes, I made it tinier on purpose, at least for now. The most talented person in the two universes is building it. She's also got other skillz and been other places that would make you gasp and fall on your screen. I've met a lot of talented people, but never another like her, never a sweeter, kinder, more loving person in real life from the internet, and I daresay gives me quite a run for my intellectual money. Very few people inspire aspienado across the board in so many ways. Sorry about the gushing, just been really blown away this month and feeling very humbled, something aspienado isn't very accustomed to feeling.

Picking my pace back up. January was a tough month, it's over, and now it's time to be awesome.

I know it's hard, and those of us in the northern hemisphere are hitting that seasonal slump. February is normally my slowest month across all blogs every year, and I see a lot of ships go down, but you know what? It's only a few days until it all picks back up again, so get your countdowns on, Superbowl, Walking Dead, whatever you mark on your calendars to look forward to, and keep your party shirts handy. By the way, saw Mission: Impossible 5 (Rogue Nation) this weekend, and the Morocco chase scene was a really cool way to start off 2016. I've gotta get me some new shirts.

This has been my fave vid all weekend, probably my most played back out of all my Sherlock fanvid collection all year. lyrics

Saturday, January 30, 2016


@bonenado's fortune cookie from his Chinese take out tonight said he'd live a long and wealthy life. I told him long and wealthy could mean paralyzed and lawsuit from some kind of accident, and maybe he'd be stuck in misery for many years, helpless to spend his wealth except on doctors and medical treatments. If I were a genie in a lamp, I'd probably be like that, kinda mean and sarcastic, but in a twisted good way. I'd make sure the granted wishes entailed making amends for all the mean things people do, especially if they kick animals and make little kids cry. If I were one of the many gods floating around in the ancient days, I'd have wanted to be the God of Irony. The peasants would be terrified of everything they did coming back to bite, like a sick perverted kind of karma.

I run into that question every little bit- If you had three wishes that were granted, what would you wish for? Everything I can think of could misfire, no matter what it is, despite however good and unselfish it might be. Ultimately, though, I think my first wish would be that I could eat Taco Bell without having an allergic reaction to anything. Of all the food I really miss eating out, Taco Bell springs to mind the most often.

A follower I don't know anything about and have never spoken to before gave me a heads up about a facebook scam going on in, guess where, Brazil, haha. Normally I ignore fake accounts because most of them turn out to be web crawler sites that multiply by people claiming their accounts, kind of like getting caught in a whirlpool of bot activity for no other reason than that's just how they multiply. This one, however, was malicious, and I've reported it. It auto-rips FB without my permission and won't allow me to cancel it (that goes to the FB report page that trying to cancel triggered), so there you go. Brazil. And all the other related posts on Pinky blog.

Anyway, the top gray area translates to "Only registered people can have access to Pinky's profile. Join the more than 2 million readers who share their passion for books in Skoob." Skoob, you bad monkey. Actually, I don't know that Skoob is actually responsible, maybe they've been breached themselves. The original Skoob.com is in London, and the scam skoob puts .br after the com, which is Brazil. Google translate says the language is Portuguese.

Because I'm actually associated with a real author in Brazil, thanks to Lexx, it looks like I actually support his book when you click in the right place, but I'm pretty sure that's part of the inbuilt bot thing since we're already friends on social media and I support him anyway. His first book is in English now, so if you'd like to check it out on amazon, click this- Intergalactic

That's it for tonight. Scott wants to watch something else on TV, so see ya.

srsly can't wait for the brain chip now

click for more Windows 10 mashup memes

So far I'm loving Windows 10. It's like the hoitier toitier side of an amalgam hinting at what you wish whatever browser you use could be. It's what facebook wants to be when it grows up but can't seem to clean up its room in time for dinner. That's right, I just called facebook a bratty high schooler.

And then last night I synced my chrome on Windows 10. A hush fell over our house as an entire mountain of data organization in a closed sleeping senile lappy magically showed up in Jawn in a single eyeblink, and within seconds the pin it button on my taskbar even showed up. I didn't have to reload a pin it button.

This is what I've been talking about, the kind of world sync that makes everything easy. The big guys working together harmoniously to give us all smoother interface without jumping through a mllion hoops. Between MS login and Google login, I'm feeling all the luv and oh so thrilled Jawn came into my life.

By the way, I did NOT upgrade to Windows 10 on previously owned tech. I waited until I got new tech that already came with Windows 10. I've been hearing a few cries in the night over the upgrade thingy. I'm sure Microsoft is still ironing out bugs.

Some of you guys know when I came back out I talked about flying blind, learning ropes, finding my voice and stuff. I have trepidations sometimes, usually as a result of painting myself into my own corners, and then wind up in logic loops on how to go forward. I keep saying I need staff, I need a handler, I need feedback. Most of you really don't have a clue what I'm talking about, and that's ok. I'm mostly just flapping my fingers out loud sifting things out of my head so I can see directions I need to go.

I have gotten some very good advice from two different people this month.

1- Let it go.

2- Step back.

Done and done. Funny how that actually time synced with getting on minecraft and learning how to escape in /gamemode 3. I'm not longer psychologically self painted into a corner. I just go into /gamemode 3 and step back through the wall, and now I'm out in the wide open yard with the wide open sky and I didn't even mess up the paint.

Allegories and metaphors are lifesavers. So are people who know me well and are cool enough to point things out and say things. Bae totally gets the aspienado thing, and BFF totally gets the biting and will jump in and bite with me if it ever boils down, so my world is getting sweet again. I'm not just an angsty aspienado on a mission in Pinky sox any more. My focus is back, my compass is working again, and I'm looking forward to an enjoyable year. I'm not sure I've ever said that sentence in my entire adult life- I'm looking forward to an enjoyable year.

My endocrinologist told me Thursday he's not going to worry about a dose change until my TSH hits 2.5, but I told him if it hits 2 and the joint pain in my feet is getting worse, I'll be calling back for that dosage tweak. I know he thinks I'm trying to over control it, but I don't accept that people my age with all the problems I've got are supposed to not be able to stop the ravages of illness and time and just accept getting fatter and more crippled. Already been there. I have been completely immobile and disabled at way too early an age. I have come back from needing help getting in the shower and dressing and tying my shoes to buying my own groceries and carrying them into the house all by myself. I have come back from not being able to coherently read a paragraph in a book to writing complex paragraphs in movie reviews. This whole sitting around waiting for a number change while something gets worse again is unacceptable. I know from hard experience that by the time it hits 3 I get the whole headache achy joint thing, by 4 I'm useless, and since I lived in the 6 range for a couple of years, pretty sure I know my own body. Some people can do that, but a TSH at 6 during untreated undiagnosed diabetes was killing me. I spent my forties plunging into an abyss that could easily have been avoided with proper medical attention. I had the worst doctor on the planet throwing narcotics and benzos at me like candy while saying "I'm not going to worry about it until..." There's just no excuse for losing so many years of my life like that.

In the meantime, what my endo should have been saying is WOW, you are doing remarkable with a virus that is taking down my other patients for 3 weeks and 2 rounds of antibiotics for the related bacterial infections, how are you doing this??? Well, Doctor, I stopped shoveling carbs into my mouth assuming pills for diabetes would fix everything, as you seem not to have caught onto yourself. Seriously, guys, that was the biggest change in my life. Your bodies can't work properly if they are continually shoveling through incoming sludge slowing everything down, and the sludge itself is what's actually killing you. It's hard enough surviving with chronic illness in the first place, kinda silly to make it a Herculean effort.

Ok, get off the lectury rant. Ha, lectury is an Englishism. Nothing like devoting an entire blog to weird words. I admire people who obsess far more than I do. I totally get sign collectors.

That's right. Bae. Her. I found the words. The last 8 1/2 years are suddenly an eyeblink, and Pinky is giddy. The darkness finally falls away and my world becomes joyful again.

Time to move on. This is part of a wicked awesome video series and the song can be downloaded on itunes.

Friday, January 29, 2016

room with a view

Plz to forgive me for weirdness, I'm trying to readjust my blogger template column widths, and search says the average laptop is over 1300 across now. I've got it set at 1200, which is allowing bigger sized pix now, but if you're on a tablet or older tech, I may have just mangled Pinky blog for you. It's also not helping that my new windows 10 settings in combination with my chrome sync are showing me several different things and I don't have a clue if I'm smooshing my columns for some of you. I'd love to think your tech will sort it all out, but mine actually overlaps the columns a bit if the pix are too big. Too many words already, let's go!

My day-

Woke up to a spider over my bed. It's cool, though. I think it takes the place of coffee. Not that there's any shortage of coffee beans here, but I'm still having difficulty with the idea of coffee I can't actually drink. Some day when we get brain chips, I'm sure I'll enjoy minecraft coffee very much.

This is the first face I see when I wake because my love is already gone to work.

Guess what her name is. That's right, lol. And she's a bossy nag, fussing at me continually for not staying home more and helping with the dishes and sweeping and stuff. Naturally, I run away as quickly as I can because her breath is atrocious and I find her unibrow deeply disturbing.

This is what I see when I look out my bedroom window. That is where Kai goes to work. Sometimes he works all night long. Maybe another day I'll show you his work.

Most days I get into some kind of trouble. Yesterday I sent a sheep on a roller coaster ride. Last week a spider took a ride, it was pretty funny. I didn't have my camera with me that day.

Last night I got my staircase of satan built, going up the hill to the temple and the portal to hell.

This guy inspired the whole thing. Possibly NSFW for language.

I'm still a noob so I stay in /gamemode 1. I have developed a false sense of bravery that I'm sure will quickly dissipate, but for now I get off on creepy stare downs with the locals.

The pond of death has exuberantly evolved. A creeper got caught and went down like flushing a toilet. Wasn't fast enough with the camera.

Today I explored an underground cave network for 45 minutes. That's a euphemistic way to say I got super lost. I had the wits to set up beacons at every twist and turn so I'd know where I'd been, but after awhile I realized I was going in wider and wider circles and never coming back to the original opening. Eventually I facepalmed and remembered /gamemode 3 and flew outa there, but not before this dork freaked me right out of my Galaxie Gurl skin. Worst. Nightmare. Ever.

While I was down there I ran into a million zombies huddled around this poor little guy. Pretty sure they were making bets before I scattered them.

One of these days I'll find that huge cavern again, big enough to build a cave house. Maybe I'll attract bats to a belfry or something.

All that exploration really wore me out. Well, I'm sure it was my long week in town on top of recovering from this nasty chest cold, but you know what I mean. My brain is coming back though, worked on several different projects today.

In a very healing place in my head now. I was needing this so bad.

The Inverse Incursion

Also posted at SyfyDesigns.

Last night's dream was a neverending blitz after blitz and people running. It started with living in a big communal building about 4 or 5 floors up, my rooms were on the outermost corner on the main street side. It was like apartments had been gutted out and sort of repartitioned, no more locked doors, everyone was in the same boat, all work together through daily living kind of thing. Families intermingled, children especially coming and going as they played, and before it all started I remember several different supper smells going on and about ten people coming together for a meal in the rooms I lived in.

I happened to look out the window and caught a glimpse of a military ranked helio transport gunner and thought hell... I yelled for everyone to get to the inner rooms just as the blasting started, taking out the fronts of building all up and down the street, and the only reason we got away was because we were the last in the shooting lineup. Everyone knew their designated safe areas, top priority being inside and down, because the further into the building you could get, the more likely you would survive frontal assault. Everyone knew this. It didn't stop people from jumping out windows and hauling ass out doors and scattering across the streets, and as I got near the building center, a hole blasted through and I could see why- the entire building was being razed. Time to abandon the building.

One guy and I in particular wound up running the same direction. We'd known each other for years, each with our own families, each watching our families get picked and killed off over the years. We'd learned to cooperate through a number of challenges, but that never seemed to make us friends. We kept an inherent distrust in place between us, probably assuming it was an emotional safety mechanism. I didn't think about it beyond that. By the time I cleared the building, I knew my family hadn't, and by the time he caught up with me, I knew his hadn't, either. Everyone knew you never went back. Never looked back. The only way to keep surviving was to keep finding holes, keep running, keep looking ahead. People would drift from shattered groups to new groups, and groups were always changing. Everyone knew that.

He was easy to work with in crisis. He knew all the shortcut lingo, all the gestures, almost like we could read each other's minds. We both instinctively headed for higher ground just outside the residential district so we could look back and assess what had happened and maybe guess what would be coming next. The gaping carnage glancing back told us it was far from over, and as smaller helios spread out dropping teams nearby, we knew we had to breach whatever boundary they were about to set up as quickly as possible.

That meant changing direction and heading for the government buildings. A few of the closer refugees were already flooding into the front desk areas, so it was easy to duck in among them and then duck back out into back hallways and head for certain offices. I was surprised to notice he seemed to know the hallways as well as I did. Maybe better.

We managed to avoid being noticed, kept moving, ducking in and out of offices and hallways as the mad scramble for control of the surging masses emptied nearly all personnel areas. I'm not ashamed to say I grabbed as many snacks as I could stuff into my shirt from a break room, and nearly carried out a pot of coffee, but decided against it and set it down on a counter by the door as I glanced up and down the hallway. He was coming out of an office nearly opposite and motioned me over, whispered in my ear that what he'd found on a computer cinched what we'd been guessing- this was a coup. Collateral damage would be rampant, and this and other government buildings were probably next on the agenda. Apparently some of the personnel were figuring that out, too, and we ducked into their panicky race to flee their own building, getting outside in full view without a single glance our way.

I had about reached mind blown stage by the time we cleared the building and made it past a parking lot and a greenway, finally alone again. This guy. Who was he? And I guess he was arriving there, too, as we both reached for each other's shirts, got in each other's faces, suddenly demanding answers. I never got them. I woke up. But clearly we'd both worked as civil authority, clearly we'd both disappeared from our jobs and holed up hiding, and very clearly we had no clue whether we would kill each other or not. I realized I actually cared about this guy, didn't want to kill him, could probably be good friends with him, and maybe that's why he hesitated, too.

And that's all I know. I woke up, I'm here and not there, and I'll never know what happened. It felt too real to just make up the rest.

Thursday, January 28, 2016


I hear the villagers inciting to riot... I won't be able to leave my room without having to just kill them all.

Ok, never mind, I turned around and there they were. Mr. Bean is all up in my face.

Aaaaand I've already crashed the display driver on Jawn. Wow. It has already recovered twice. This is a gamer laptop and I've already crashed the display driver toggling multiple screens during gameplay. THAT is how hard I use laptops, guys.

By the way, those of you who've moved up to Windows 10 and upgraded your Kasperky, those little pop up certificates about my blog are because of one of my follower map widgets and my paper.li widget in the right column. It's not bugs. We're cool. If you're coming in on mobile you probably bypass all of that. If you've never seen the web version of this blog, it's got stuff all over it. If you're on an older computer, apologies for the lag and overheating and stuff. I know it was killing my old laptop, and I live here.

Moving on. Tweeps who've been wondering where the heck I've gone- I've extended my braincation on the advice of a good friend who knows #allthethings and especially knows how to help me take a step back without going underground again. Some of you guys are aware I do social media so I have a network of people who can monitor me without having to call or text since I'm home alone for up to 12 hours a day through the week. I'm learning to incorporate mini braincations into my daily syllabus, which is wonderful for retraining me back into planning and assessment without all the words in the way. I was getting only so far with words. (I know I'm overwhelming.) Amusingly, I've dropped from 6000+ twitter impressions a day to 1500. My klout might plummet, as well. I don't care. Doesn't seem to be hurting numbers on blogs at all. Twitter used to be my only traffic source. Things have changed.

And of course I'm dealing with all the cute little tutorials about how to handle Windows 10, like the crazy way the screen zooms in and out. There's a quick fix for that. I'm actually liking Windows 10 quite a lot. It seems way more secure.

Ok, where were we? Oh, yeah, braincation selfies!

Here I am riding my first horse. I had to look up how to get off. I was stuck on him for the longest time.

Inside the glass domed fountain. Yes, I'm showing off.

You may notice that Galaxie Gurl looks a little Brunnen-G.

Extreme closeup. I couldn't resist doing duck lips.

I also couldn't resist getting a selfie in the beacon beam.

I didn't make that, Kai did. I'm not at all proficient at this, and it will take all year because I hafta get up and move around so much. Always fun coming back and finding new toys! I've been showered with presents all week. Me showing off some more.

So I started this temple on the hillside thing, with absolutely no idea what all minecraft has available but knowing I wanted to do a hell outside the city theme, with a zombie pit and stuff, so I started constructing an open air temple and sculpted a patio and swimming pool out of a nearby rocky pond and I came back to an actual portal to hell sitting behind my temple and got so excited that I promptly ran in and got stuck. You know me, room with a view of hell, staircase of Satan, pond of death kind of thing.

This is still early on. Who knows how elaborate this will look in a few months, but I love the more rugged look of the old temple on the mount thing. Don't want to sculpt too much or it'll turn into a city temple. My idea is that the city side will be lit up, the further side will be dark.

Looking back around you can see our castle on the edge of the city.

There's a natural valley that funnels in on the dark side of the temple, so, taking our cue from the quarry idea in the Walking Dead, that's going to be our blood sport arena. The idea is to let zombies and spiders and skeletons filter in and get caught without being able to walk back out, like the way wasp and japanese beetle traps work.

Kai had the awesome idea to create a lure, kind of like the goat in Jurassic Park, only this is a villager.

I loooooooved the big flameout when the sun rose, wouldn't it be awesome to get a whole pit full of zombies flaming up all at once. I'm calling this the Pit of Despair, after Princess Bride.

Gratuitous shot of a zombie getting trapped facing hell in a worship stance. I can still open the chest just fine.

This next bit is all Kai. I currently have a zombie caught in my temple swimming pool getting zapped like it's electrocuted every time the sun comes up, so I was calling it the Pond of Death, but this turned out to be way more awesome. Check it, a zombie wound up stuck on a chicken in a real pond of death. The water flow keeps it trapped and the cactus slowly kills it.

I've done other things, too, like fly around the world and stand on the highest mountain letting clouds drift through me while I survey the horizon around me. It was breathtaking, but unfortunately, I still hadn't learned the art of screenshotting my game. This is like one of those vacation photos that's crap, but it's the only one of that thing so you hang onto it.

Don't worry, this won't be turning into a minecraft blog. It's taken me days just to get these, everything I'm doing is going very slowly in short time spurts.

Yesterday was hard. We were out of everything, so I did some extra shopping and wore myself out. (Fresh cooked chicken is pretty awesome after you've been eating tuna and soup for a week.) I had stopped coughing before that, but now once in awhile I have a really productive cough again, maybe all the extra work stirred things up. I've had a pneumonia shot, pretty sure I was a day away from full on bronchitis flaming through my chest when I finally messaged my doctor last week. Everyone around here who's had this has been sick for a solid week, so it's not just me being puny. Whatever this is starts out as a nasty head cold and turns into chest crud, which would've taken me down for a good 3 weeks and 2 rounds of antibiotics in the old days, but I've been able to keep up with dishes and laundry and shopping and appointments all through this. I've said it and said it and I'll keep saying it- I can't say enough for boosting proteins and healthy fats with paleo and getting off wheat and sugar. If a super spoonie can come back and get healthy doing that, anyone can.

I've got another appointment today, recheck on thyroid. I had plummeted back into hyper, have apparently bounced back out and shooting the wrong direction a little too fast now. We've been trying to fine tune this for a couple of years, we're talking micro-tuning, and I have yet to level out. I'm hoping he says that being sick and on antibiotics can make it do this, otherwise I'm heading back into joint pain land. Controlling this is vital to being able to keep up my workouts. My feet are always the first to go.

And now I'm just flapping my fingers. Time to scoot outa here.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

It's not about Snidely Whiplash tying Nell to the train tracks any more

Yesterday I learned how to make chocolate chip cookies in minecraft. Today I spent an hour registering to obtain EU cookie compliance code on my own and still couldn't force an install on my xanga blog. I may have found a workaround to convert the java script, but that would take another hour and still might be shredded by the preset widget parameters, so I'm letting it go for today. The cookie law is a big deal. (Facebook, especially, is coming under loads of legal action over it.) In the last 6 months I've watched 3/4 of my worldwide readership dwindle away as that U.S. blog has gone dark to the outside world. Why is this a big deal for bloggers in general? Because our blog hosts are affected by this. Ultimately, it's their place to protect our content because they use it to make money on, either through upgrades or through ads that show up on our blog posts. I wish it were an automatic rollout, not sure why individual bloggers must do the plug-in part. I'm having to face (again) the possibility that I might still wind up losing that blog.

I understandably have a headache. I obsessed over that for an hour before I even got my first cup of coffee. I think it's safe to say the head cold is about over. Four more days on antibiotic.

One of my bigger regrets in life is not making a rant blog for The Flash. (See occasional rants here.) Last night did not disappoint. I'll forego the litany for a close up on a short scene. My favorite scenes are the graphic depictions of complex theories.

Just a reminder that these actors get paid some sweet dough to draw those circles, and that the explanation flew so fast past most of your brains that you don't have a clue more science discussion went into the Back to the Future series than it does in Star Labs.

Maybe I should mention I had to pause the DVR when Caitlin and Jay were sitting on the bench near the end talking about his doppleganger and all the effort they'd put into finding him, etc, because one sentence out of Jay's mouth completely obliterated the need to have even looked for the guy in the first place- his DNA was compromised in the accident, so a match could never be found anyway. Like neither he nor Caitlin would have ever thought of this in the first place. Like they were casually comparing Dunkin Donuts coffee to Starbucks coffee or something. Like shucky darn, all that time we wasted, oh well.

Click for a very nice Kevin Sorbo timeline review
This pic is from Kull the Conqueror
Here Kull is in chains
Disclaimer- the following is all in good fun.

Oh, I think I know why Kevin Sorbo unconnected from me on LinkedIn. Some of you have noticed my broad hinting at entertainment as a front for brain training the masses (ok, I didn't say it exactly like that, but X-Files pretty much did this week) and that being blatant about it is a great way to install doublethink and callous y'all over while you watch political debates and the world changes around you without anyone noticing it much (ok, I haven't exactly said it that way, either, but seriously, I actually have stated multiple times I'm on board with world order {if the right team wins the flag, you know it's Masons vs Moors, right, goes way back}) because world sync would make everything soooo much easier on the general consumer trying to watch TV and blog. Anyway, I love Kevin, he's not just an awesome actor but a stand up guy (admittedly with shady affiliations), and maybe, just maybe, if this is all real like Mulder believes, all the clues have been given to us and he can no longer be allowed to associate with someone who's taking it a little too seriously. I dunno. Or maybe it's because I'm cool with orientations and stuff. Whatevs. But I ran into this the other day. It's pretty old, but if you like conspiracy theories, there you go.
Kevin Sorbo Talks Breeding With Reptiles And Assasin Work In New Illuminati Film

Actually, Kevin might not even have a clue, maybe one of his alters runs his LinkedIn account. *wink* Ok, kidding. I love Kevin. He's an exceptionally pretty part of the machine that he's trying so hard not to actually be part of but is still part of but not really part of. I don't want him to question himself and wind up shaving his head like Britney. Best just let this one go. It's like actors say- they've all done what it takes to get where they've gotten. Being an icon for Good doesn't mean you're not doing exactly what someone else wants as a cover.

Now plz to finish your brainwashing while you enjoy the concept art behind this video. I'm not putting it here because I'm not in the mood for it right now, although I think it's brilliantly done. The end visual, of course, is a head that has turned into a broadcast satellite over a blood red figure. Ask yoursef- how many music vids have "satellite" in the title? How many vids out there have similar titles coming out almost at the same time, over and over and over? It reminds me of a fifth grade writing prompt, the class being given particular words to use in a few paragraphs and all of us working at the same time on our interpretations of those words in stories. Sorry, way off track now. I need to find something and get off here, hafta run errands today.

If you wanna know the future, just keep an eye on what's happening in global food production and Lady GaGa videos. It's not about her, it's about communicating the mass marketing of an idea, guys. She's a commercial product selling a private product that flies over your heads. Ask yourselves why entertainment keeps focusing our attention on surviving world-scale tragedy. Is it just a thing? I think it's distraction. Just keep people focused on the world ending and then they're so relieved when it really doesn't, even if something changes, they'll more easily accept it and think whew, at least it wasn't the world ending.

I find the whole industry fascinating, it's like a huge social-psyche experiment. If you actually watched that vid, consider that Kevin played Hercules and then Kull. I see no difference in motivation here. If you can't see this or don't get it, go back to sleep. It's ok. But remember what I said about losing.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

walking in the air

Grappling with the sort of apathy that has me migrating from feeling appalled about crunchy little ladybug bits embedding into my sox to wondering how many ways mutilated ladybug corpses and parts could be used in bold new artwork and designs. I've lost track of how long this ladybug thing has been going on, but it's certainly the longest ever.

Grappling with the sort of morning convo that has me re-explaining why I won't even be looking for @bonenado if he's laid out smashed to bits under the stars for hours and hours because he has me so trained to be used to him wandering off for hours on end without warning and without saying exactly where and not calling in until suddenly he's just back in the house, like magic. Every possible thing that could go wrong next time that I bring up gets fenced with "Oh, you'll come looking for me", like I'll somehow feel a disturbance in his force or something.  I'm biting back a lot, but in case anyone missed it, this was the kind of fall that paralyzes and even kills. We could be having convos about how he'd like me to handle a real emergency, just in case, but we're having convos instead about how it'll never happen. Fine, in his delusion he'll always make it back, and if he doesn't I'll magically find him. In my reality, I'll go 8 hours right up into sunset before I even call down to his mom's house to see if he's over there because I'm so used to this. 23 years, guys.

Grappling with getting my anxiety back down at 5 a.m. after I'm left alone in the house for another 12 hours without a soul to talk to in real life. I live in a box. I talk to people digitally. I question everything in the universe in between GET TO WORK and laundry and #napclub and FOCUS!!!

Fortunately, I have a new toy to play with. I got stuck in the portal to hell last night.

I need to go do stuffs. You guys go do stuffs, too. Hugs, hugs, lots more hugs.