tonight

Sometimes a day just turns out really all right.

lyrics

dang it, forgot the title again

Sorry, no linkback on that. I'm kinda doing a flashback thingy, and it's out of last year's folder.

I was a mess last year. I'm not a mess this year. So far 2018 is significantly improved on 2017 in my house.

The year before that was pretty good on this day. Well, I was faking that it was. I pulled off a pretty good fake, I think.

The year before that one (3 years ago today, well, the 29th, because I didn't make a post on this day) was probably the most focused.

2014 I was all like STOP stop stop... I've gotta get off here before all my work ethic rambles out into blah blah blah and unknits my brain.


2013 in my private blog. (Six months later I would have 2 grandkids and a huge server move on my hands.)

Oh, yeah, need to get my bills done today too. Actually in a pretty good mood since I got good sleep. Totally betting on everyone involved in the drama dept in my life to start shooting all at once sometime during the day, so it won't be any real surprise if and when it happens. Meeting with Griff, JUST SAY NO.

2012 I was incognito and about to make a disastrous mistake throwing everything I ever did on the internet into the trash. Everything still surviving was in lockdown.

2011 and 2010 are inaccessible at the moment because I slipped up this year and didn't pay my Xanga fees. Actually, I opted to get that genetic cancer testing and have been paying $100/mo out of pocket and had to let a few other things fall out of my longterm plan, hopefully I'll be picking those back up and super crossing my fingers they don't disappear in the meantime. I still have a year left to go on those payments I'm making.

2009 around this time I was working on a survey. It included this question-
What do you want to know about the future?
Am I about done cycling through human lives, because I’m getting really tired of this.  I’m ready to move on to the next planet on the roster. 

2008 was horrible and I was watching the birds fighting over the bird feeder in the snow. The only way I was able to see this was pure accident via fluke. I shouldn't have been able to because the fee expired.

2004-2007 are gone. I had a handful of blogs and nearly all that content is gone now. I was dumb and deleted stuff, alas.

Every year is its own kind of hard. Every kind of hard was really hard while I was in it. I don't think it will ever not be hard. I think over time I have watched myself get better at not taking the universe personally, like letting go of blame and getting really good at rolling with the punches. I feel like I have an emotional six pack. I am in really good psychological shape nowadays. I think a lot of it was realizing over an extended period of time that I can actually be very powerful when I am still, that I can be a force without exerting force, and that I really don't mind so much when life sucks because it means I'm still here.

I'm still here.

Super flashback vid. You're welcome.

nervous wrecks waiting for the inevitable

This was yesterday.

photo clicks back to original source

This is today.

Alice in Lava Land

Ok, sexual orientations of all ages, (remember when we used to just say 'boys and girls'?) (Is that politically incorrect now?) (Because personally, I am alt-aged in my head, I am both young at heart and old of soul, and even though I don't take offense at someone asking my age, I don't see how that has anything to do with anything unless you need to know if I'm a meemaw on medicare.), where were we...

This is a 3-part update thingy because things. Minecraft (pure survival), the sleep study fallout and consequences, and my git'r'dun list for the rest of the month. (If you are only interested in the CPAP fallout, I copied that part to my spaz blog.)

MINECRAFT

uffda- Singleplayer, no cheats except being able to see my F3 coordinates. Everything is from scratch. I've had the launcher open in play mode (not paused) for 52+ total hours over the last two weeks, first mentioned in Pinky vs @bonenado. During those 52 hours I have died 10 times, slept in a bed 111 times, harvested 2K+ coal blocks and made 3,573 torches, established my dominance at world spawn and several perimeter outposts covering almost 1000 square blocks, and have lately finished building a sweet very big 3- story house on the edge of an extreme plateau. I killed 18 horses to make books until I found a village and swiped all theirs, set up a library, then went about learning how to make obsidian from scratch (which involved very dangerous climbs to lava sources with buckets), and last night made my first enchantment table from scratch. I have yet to run into a single cow, so I don't have milk for cake, but I did make my first pumpkin pie yesterday, also.

Minecraft survival requires extreme braining skills. Over the last year I have gained orientation and planning strategy skills that I've noticeably been able to apply to real life.

Also, minecraft has been phenomenal for getting through anxiety. If you've never reeled off a cliff into PTSD induced anxiety surges and an hour of weeping just writing a blog post or book chapter, try it sometime. Get on that old roller coaster of confession and start screaming, it's a real trip. You guys don't see how many times I walk away in mid sentence while I'm writing because it's so real and immediate just addressing memories and feelings and reconstructing those into readable format that it's all I can do sometimes to come back. Minecraft is a really awesome relief diversion for me, plus it keeps me creative and on my toes.

CPAP

My apnea-hypopnea index was 17 (I was told that meant I woke up an average of 17 times an hour), and my desat was 78%, which is importantly not good and scary bad. Blood oxygen saturation ideally shouldn't fall below 80%, and if it does, it's considered critical. (Simplistically, I'm on my way to congestive heart failure if I don't correct this, if something else doesn't get me first.) During sleep study, according to the document I link in the next paragraph, 75-80% is considered moderate, and less than 75% is considered severe, so I'm kinda cutting that one close. (Ever wonder how people just die in their sleep? Now you know.)

How to Interpret Your Sleep Study That's a pdf document, so give it time to load, actually very cool with pictures and graphs of how it all goes down on the testing end.

I have 4 out of 6 qualifying CPAP symptoms- daytime sleepiness, hypertension, insomnia, and mood disorder. I've lived with all this for 2 decades. I've never yet had a stroke and never dx'd with heart disease, although both are prevalent in my mom's side of the family, and once that stuff hit my mom, she went down fairly quickly. I have been doing everything right- nutrition, exercising, med monitoring, excellent bloodwork and health according to everything I'm tested for. That means nothing if I'm not getting enough oxygen.

Last night I found myself ripping my mask off at first, but that stopped and I slept great after I lowered the humidity. This morning I'm sneezing and runny nose stuff like allergies, but apparently this is common and someone in comments said lowering the humidity even more helped, so I'm going to try that. I'm already on round the clock zyrtec with benadryl on standby, but we haven't started cedar pollen here in Mirkwood yet, so I need to figure this out before successive allergy seasons blow back up on me. Unless I actually have a real allergic reaction (and you know I'll be watching this), I think the O sat level coming back up is important enough to keep trying. At any rate, saline mist helped to dissipate that discomfort this morning.

Top 10 Ways To Solve Common CPAP Problems and Discomfort

Side note- I'm finding out that sleep apnea can happen in all ages and body types, and you don't have to be old and fat to 'get' it. I had a sleep study done 10 years ago that I wish they'd followed up on more rigorously, because even though they didn't see apnea, they did see brain rhythm lending to insomnia, which I was probably born with. I'm sure nearly ripping my head off ejecting from a vehicle crash didn't help anything, but for years I've lived with so much neck pain and weird sensations, including pain with swallowing, I can only wonder if part of my need for CPAP now is from an ongoing degeneration around the nerve injuries I acquired in that wreck. It's interesting that I barely weigh 5 pounds more than I did at the time of the first sleep study ten years ago, pretty sure 5 pounds wouldn't cause apnea on its own, especially since I'm currently 40 pounds down from highest weight. If you are holding back from looking at the possibility of a sleep apnea diagnosis because of stigma, you might literally be holding your life in your hands, so check into it if you're having symptoms.

TO DO

Forms... ug.

• Representative payee report for social security is due.
• Out of network transport provider wants insurance info.
• Could have sworn there was something else and apparently I've already misplaced it, great.
• Get a birthday card out before it's late.

Since I'm on my make a Plan stuff, may as well toss in that I'm past two weeks cutting the caffeine in half and about over that nasty withdrawal headache, so now I'm working on the slow xanax taper I wanted to start last fall but wisely decided to wait until after holidays. Absolutely no idea if that enhanced my big meltdown, but I'll be conservative and say probably. GABA receptor stuff is no joke. Me and low dose benzos go waaaay back. This ain't my first rodeo getting off the stuff, and I know that patience is my biggest virtue on this little journey.

I'll be honest, the weird left side intractable nerve pain I live with spiked quite a bit overnight from the extra stress of learning to sleep with CPAP, and it's not pleasant sitting here feeling little pain spikes down my left ribcage and shoulder (fibro related costochondritis) (my heart is so conveniently in between, so I'm also dealing with the anxiety that pain lends a hand to), my sinus feels stuffy and uncomfortable, and I'm sitting here thinking 'and it's not even bitterly cold and snowy/icy and there's no big allergy season YET', so I need to divert myself back into chores around the house and MINECRAFT. It's all about survival. I'm using virtual survival to survive both depression and very real medical challenges, so it's back to the lava I go.

I can do this.

Mirkwood's finest

Last night's butterflied venison loin buttons, two ways. Mine is the small bag on the right, marinating in canola oil, minced garlic, ginger powder, salt, rosemary, thyme, oregano, and a pinch of smoked paprika. @bonenado's larger bag of butterfly chops on the left is marinating in lower sodium soy sauce, minced garlic, ginger powder, and a little canola oil. The pic makes them look big, but they're pretty small. The reason I'm doing separate marinade for myself is because soy sauce has wheat in it, so definitely allergic to soy sauce. I miss it very much.

Toss each bag (mine first) into a smoking hot pan (I love heavy gauge stainless for this kind of cooking) to sizzle and sear for about a minute and a half on whatever rawness presents itself, just barely cook it, right? Every bite melted like butter.

This one was mine.

This one was @bonenado's. You can see by the fork how small these are, almost like beef tips except this is butterflied loin chops.

And of course I baked a potato to split between us and made my favorite pan roasted brussels sprouts. This is pre-parm.

The secret ingredient is really good balsamic at the end.

I honestly don't have much else today. Had a crazy pain night out of the blue for some reason and even though I slept great once I got to sleep, I'm coming off that feeling like I need to distract myself working on other things.

Day Twenty- last of 2016 30 day challenge

I've been using this month to slowly turn my ship around under a new star chart, locking down a new heading kind of thing. One of my biggies I've been talking about with my immediate family lately is transparency. I've been so accustomed to hiding challenges and navigating around flaws for so many years that, since I've been opening up and really being more honest, I feel I need to stop dancing around some real things.

First of all, and this really is a big deal and affects nearly everyone I meet in real life, let's just get the whole dog allergy thing dealt with. It's usually not a big deal because I keep to myself, but it's holidays and all the people are pinching each other's little cheeks and saying howdy in person, so I need to be forthright and asplain all the awkward stuff as easily as I can, which in Pinky terms mean ripping the ol' bandaid right off.

I have never told anyone this until now- after hugging several different pet owners over a few years as visits ended (with no pet even being present), my face immediately rashed out and swelled because of indirect exposure, and I had to start slugging benadryl and watch it for an hour in case I had to run in for phenergan and possibly even prednisone. Yes, it affects my health that much. If you own a pet, you are wearing your pet everywhere you go. I didn't say anything because I didn't want anyone to feel bad. Well, that's a lie then, isn't it? I need to tell the truth.

From Dog Allergies on WebMD- "Some people with dog allergies also have skin reactions. For instance, their skin might break out where a dog licks them. Others with more severe allergies might develop hives on their face or chest. People with asthma as well as pet allergies can have especially serious symptoms." Serious means breathing emergency. I usually skip the hives part and go straight to airway with just about every allergic reaction I have, so I am ready for no warning emergency response 24/7. I live this way.

My favorite part about debunking pet allergy myths is scientists finding molecular pet evidence even in homes with no pets (that's a link, click it), because our society is so overrun with dogs and cats everywhere we go, so there you go, just avoiding a dog in its own house isn't enough. I'm also terrified of walking into a home saturated with something else that could cause anaphylaxis, and this includes everything from dogs (medically documented with an allergist) to party balloons, toys, and sports equipment (latex) to everything nuts and peanuts to citrus (which includes cleaners, aromatherapy, and beauty products, especially aerosolized), you get the picture, so it's not something personal against dogs. I would be an idiot to walk into a place where I even remotely think emergency response might become the highlight of our visit, and I know it would make my hosts feel terrible. I know a lot of people still don't get this yet, but if I could get an airline flight shut down over a peanut allergy, I can sure as hell kill your party vibe over a really scary hour of croup and face swelling, which can easily turn into 6 hours in an ER.

I don't expect people to go to this much work, because it's truly exhausting, and it's really not detailed enough to prevent a serious problem. It doesn't address issues like small children spreading contact allergens, what to do when your pet pukes during a visit, stuff like that. Are Your Holiday Guests Allergic to Pets? Here Are 5 Ways to Make Them More Comfortable

I grew up with dogs. I love dogs. I'm not against anyone owning dogs, eating peanut butter, decorating with balloons, and wearing perfume. Instead of you guys trying to make room for one person who necessarily shuts that all down and kills the whole party, just scrape all that off and meet that person halfway in a convenient place for a bit and then jovially say goodbye, no pressures, no hugs, just glad to see someone. And if it really is inconvenient, I am the first person who understands all the holiday pressures and the last person to pile on any guilt over it. I'm a bubble person in a very mobile world, so I mostly live vicariously on the webs. I'm good with that.

My second transparency thing has been playing around with tracking and thinking about making stats public, which involved tests on IP masking and code reinstalls and turned into a bigger headache than it looked starting out. I kept tweaking stuff, like turning off reports on crawlers and bots, wiping out all the IP blocking (I had that so screwed up anyway, all I could mostly see was myself instead of the other way around), generally just making visitor data more accessible. I installed a second statcounter tracker with different settings to see how they compare, and I was fine with the whole visible thing until I zoomed down on the map and actually got a real location, thanks to GPS on mobile, so there is no way I'm making all the stats visible. You guys can see a graph now, that's basically it. No maps.

Even when humans know how to mask their IPs, if they switch to mobile that has GPS locator turned on and ping my tracker without using data masking, I can sometimes see actual locations on a map. (It's rare, but it still happens.) I feel like I would be sloppy to allow all of that to be publicly available. I mean, some people I know check in all over the place on apps, you can see exactly where they are through the day and anyone following on social media can see that (but you can't see all their operating system data like you can on a tracker map), but other people might not want the world to know the actual building they're sitting in. The problem with making stats completely public is that, even with IP masking, a few people can still be zoomed into actual street and building on the map, and I know that because I could see someone in a named daycare parking lot (thank you, Google super zoom) with a timestamp on it. THAT is what I mean by protecting my lurkers by not publishing my stats. There are several of you I can see coming in from named work places, or I can tell how far you drive to work and back home, and it's not because you're careless or because I'm a stalker, it's just stats and I'm so used to seeing mine. (In the old Lexx days, I knew exactly where my 3 biggest 'enemies' logged in from, and one of them pinged from both a work computer and home computer so regularly that I could tell what her work hours were and when she went shopping or out on a weekend.) Most of you are getting really good at the IP masking, which is awesome, but unless you've got GPS locator turned off (I keep mine turned off out of habit), I can still see where you actually are if you are using certain mobile devices and browsers. Not trying to scare anyone, just saying that's why I'm NOT going full transparency and opening access to the awesome map. I wish I could, but I'm not a jerk. Otherwise it would be cute and fun to see all the pings coming in from cities and countries and stuff.

When you visit other sites, if you see a tracker, always check it out. If you can click on it and go to a data site, see if you can see yourself in the stats. If you can see everything about your operating system, IP, and location, so can the entire world, and once someone who for real deep stalks you figures out your patterns on public trackers, they can see with a few clicks what you're reading and when, and sometimes even where from. (Seriously, when you hang out with a group of writers who code their own sites, it can get that intense.) I honestly would never have thought of this stuff if I hadn't had people fighting over something in the past, and it really did boil down to watching public stats. This is why I love lurkers, and I will always protect lurkers. Some day everything everyone does on internet will be completely transparent just because one day it will legally all boil down to that, but for now, we can still be anons, free to glide through the ether.

Ok, I'm worn out. That was way too much thinking for one post. But you get the gist, no more dancing around stuff. 2017 is about 1- getting back to work, and 2- ripping off bandaids.

Time to be real.

Day Nineteen- last of 2016 30 day challenge

click for utterly cool wallpapers

Taking a break in between stuff. Got my rotating wallpapers... rotating.

Here you go, in case you're already sick of snow and counting down to Valentine's and spring.

It's really cold here, hit -14 wind chill around my area yesterday. We also had deadly ice glaze that screwed traffic across part of the state last few days as Decima has made its claims and lingers to mock.

Back to wallpapers.

We don't know where my head is right now. Busy, perhaps.

Day Seventeen- last of 2016 30 day challenge

Was looking through wallpapers for snow, pink snow, pink rose snow, blue pink rose snow, and suddenly this pops up. It's no longer available, but since it's cached in a search engine, I've linked it to the nonexistent original page so you can see the artist/vendor name in the URL.

I was deep in a beautiful snow to rose evolution thing, so of course that caught me by surprise, but I love the gothic sugar skull pink and blue smashup, so that threw me into a whole different trajectory. Click this next one to see more really beautiful artwork, and some even glows in the dark.

Crazy change of subject. I'm always stuck with the Andy Griffith show when I go to a certain doctor's office with a tv on in the waiting room, and I've wondered for a long time why in the world Aunt Bee wore her hair in a bun on top of her head, because it looks so dumb. (omg, you guys, she was so amazingly beautiful, her other pix in there are stunning) Well, as I've ungracefully aged and become so terribly intolerant of product, I'm rather prehistoric nowadays, and the only way I can live with all the winter STATIC without shaving my head is to very firmly just keep it all tied down on top of my head, even when I'm sleeping, so now I get the whole weird hair thing from the old days. I'm kinda glad the man bun came along, though, because I look pretty dorky walking around like this. At least I'm not alone now.

Another screeching subject change.

I don't venture into my own insecurities very often (lolz), but this comment I left on a really good autie blog discussing IQ feelings kinda screams I grew up feeling unforgiven. I think this comment condenses all the sadness I felt growing up 'inadequate' into the emotional coping mechanisms I developed as an adult. IQ is important for those of us who never measured up in other ways, and even though this intimidates the hell out of some people (mine is pretty high) and others aren't at all hesitant to mock or knock me back down over anything intellectual (or simply flat ignore me, quite used to the silent treatment), it's still a solid form of validation. My brain reflection in the form of an IQ number isn't any different from someone looking into the mirror and rating appearance. It's just something to hang onto that's meaningful in my personal existence.

In all other ways and respects, I faceplant a bit more often than 'normals', which totes makes the IQ thing look cheesy, so whatevs, right? We all need to feel like we own a special quality, even if it doesn't always look special. But sometimes my special thing gets in the way...

I love the poem this comes from

I'm starting to get angry again. It's creeping back up on me, and I'm thinking about getting a grip on it and using it to self motivate. I'm actually quite pissed, but I keep kicking that beast out a side door and slamming it shut. Well, that can go on only so long. It seems to have evolved and found other ways in. I can let it consume me and go through a beautiful monochromatic rainbow hue of emotional blacks and grays, or I can own it, twist it back under my thumb, and ride that pony into a really cool sunset.

If you're new to Pinky blog, I've been making super slo-mo progress back from major brain glitch, biggest challenges being time and place orientation, math function fail, and some dyslexia. Over this last year I've managed to train myself to weekly calendar sync all my appointments and bills across 3 calendars around my house and a pocket planner in my purse. The sheer redundancy has not only kept me on track, but actually saved me from wrong or missed appointments and the occasional missed payment, a big improvement over years past. In fact, I've become so reliable with this habit that I'll be trimming back this next year to one calendar and one pocket planner, yay.

So, when I bring up a problem here and there about filling out forms, yes, I have committed some extreme errors not properly following instructions over something so simple as filling out my name, address, and a few medical appointment dates or the amount of money I have in a bank account, which I know seems ludicrous since I'm obviously capable of blogging (I detail how difficult even this has been in I like it dark and blinking in the light- I've come a long way). Since these are govt audit forms that my payee has legal responsibility over, I've facepalmed a few times. You can see why the whole IQ thing kinda looks like a joke in this light. But I am still recovering and seeing progress, so more yay. I'm still angry, though, that something as simplistic as forms seems to be what is holding up the publishing I want to get done when I was the one acing college exams. Brain fail sucketh, yo.

2017 is the year I tackle form filling outing. Oh, and WINNING. I really need to win so I won't slide into a pool of despair and bubble away from sight. At the moment I have no idea how, but dang it #IWILLFINDOUTHOW. I will slam this IQ at forms until the rest of my autie brain legit backs down and calls me the boss of my own destiny.

Or I will facepalm myself into oblivion and become a nonentity. It's that simple.

Day Fifteen- last of 2016 30 day challenge

NEW PLAN!

First of all, I get 2 more 'days off', which is technically today and Monday. Can I just get a big ol' thumbs up on that, thanx.

Second, Bunny's surgery was, indeed, rescheduled to after Christmas, which means the recovery time we previously set aside at my house will be freed up, and even though @bonenado will be on xmas vaca by then, my house won't be getting pulled apart before Christmas, which leaves that time free to finish getting some other things done. Pinky needs a cheering section.

My doctor wants to pull me from physical therapy and fast track me back to my neurologist, so that's how this month is going for me. PT usually helps really well, but I guess I've  hit another limit and it's irritating more than helping at the moment. I'll spend the next two sessions in a more 'defining a rest plan' (activities? work outs?) and some kind of next step thoughts for if/when I go back in a couple of months, and then assess out for the winter. I was intending to touch base with neurologist after assessing out anyway, but doctor today said noooo, *now*. Seems I'm having some interesting nerve flares in new places and that's not cool. My blood work came back great (humongous relief, no sign of auto-flare) except my chloride is a tad low. That's never happened before and also jaunts us off into new directions of keeping eyes on other things. Nothing immediately serious, but might asplain a few things.

At the moment, I can feel my entire spine (*it hurts*) and a few outlying serfdoms are complaining about their houses not being overlorded well, and I'm threatening to go all Ramsay Bolton on an arm and leg if they don't shut up.

Apologies. I usually don't discuss delicate matters while entertaining in my castle. Let's get back to cheering something. This is a real thing.

Apparently their website is being hit so hard it keeps crashing, but you can like them on Facebook and shop from there.

I cannot believe I actually never thought of this before. In all the years I've been on the webs, I have always used a legit registered business or pen name and not my birth name (my real name really is Jan) because there are a million jillion of me and it just doesn't stand out. It occurred to me this morning that if I want to go anonymous, all I have to do is use my real name and quietly disappear into a whole cloud of me. I've never done that before. I've never even really looked up my own name before because 1- it galls me, and 2- it's so factory redundant that I take no delight in seeing who else has it. But I did today. And I could see how easily y'all could never find me again if I did that. Holding that thought in case I manage to actually sell something and wanna lurk a little without being jumped on.

So, Today. I've gained a day back, I am so gonna get all over stuff. Dishes and laundry are behind, menu planning needs to happen, wanna finish an excavation project- kinda redoing my kitchen in slo-mo. That big area rug isn't down yet. It could be before Christmas. Also, I've got graph paper out. I'm doing cool fun stuff on Kai's realm and I'll be taping together 6 pages of graph paper to help me create a framed sculpt. When I get it done I'll post pix on my minecraft blog. I've got several updates for that blog I could be working on, too.

#actuallybatshitcrazy

I keep thinking about the #actuallyautistic and #actuallydiabetic tags and how that whole obsession with refining defining is going to misfire horribly and actually create an actually calloused actuality. I thought about demonstrating this with a nonsensical tag, like #actuallybatshitcrazy, and dang if it hasn't already been used, but only three times so far. I'm here to correct that.

Actually batshit crazy is different from batshit crazy because it denotes that someone is, in fact, actually batshit crazy, as opposed to the urban slang going around that demeans and condescends batshit crazy into a slur. It's important that we change popular atmosphere to a more elevated awareness of how slanging batshit crazy hurts those who are actually batshit crazy by making a mockery of their condition, which is an actual challenge that one must actually live with every day and actually push back all the tide against it misunderstanding what batshit crazy actually is because it's used so often in a derogatory fashion.

Ok, I just nearly burned my scrambled eggs over that last sentence because this is important, and you need to understand my commitment to sacrificing other things in my life to make sure the public is properly educated about what batshit crazy really is.

First, we must understand that batshit, or guano, is one of the most valuable and sought after commodities on the planet.

Second, we must understand that the usage of the word crazy, as defined here by google search (with over one billion more references), is demonstrably crazy, or, out of hand. (See little chart at the bottom.)

cra·zy

ˈkrāzē/

informal

adjective

adjective: crazy; comparative adjective: crazier; superlative adjective: craziest

1. 1.

   mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way.

   "Stella went crazy and assaulted a visitor"

   synonyms:

   mad, insane, out of one's mind, deranged, demented, not in one's right mind, crazed, lunatic, non compos mentis, unhinged, mad as a hatter,mad as a March hare; More

   antonyms:

   sane

   • extremely annoyed or angry.

     "the noise they made was driving me crazy"
   • foolish.

     "it was crazy to hope that good might come out of this mess"

     synonyms:

     stupid, foolish, idiotic, silly, absurd, ridiculous, ludicrous,preposterous, farcical, laughable, risible, nonsensical, imbecilic,harebrained, cockamamie, half-baked, impracticable, unworkable, ill-conceived, senseless; More

     antonyms:

     sensible

2. 2.

   extremely enthusiastic.

   "I'm crazy about Cindy"

   synonyms:

   passionate about, (very) keen on, enamored of, infatuated with, smitten with, devoted to; More

   antonyms:

   indifferent, apathetic

3. 3.

   (of an angle) appearing absurdly out of place or in an unlikely position.

   "the monument leaned at a crazy angle"

   • archaic

     (of a ship or building) full of cracks or flaws; unsound or shaky.

adverb

NORTH AMERICAN

adverb: crazy

1. 1.

   extremely.

   "I've been crazy busy"

noun

NORTH AMERICAN

noun: crazy; plural noun: crazies

1. 1.

   a mentally deranged person.

Origin

late 16th century (in sense ‘full of cracks’): from craze + -y¹.

Translate crazy toChoose languageAfrikaansAlbanianAmharicArabicArmenianAzerbaijaniBasqueBelarusianBengaliBosnianBulgarianBurmeseCatalanCebuanoChinese (Simplified)Chinese (Traditional)CorsicanCroatianCzechDanishDutchEsperantoEstonianFilipinoFinnishFrenchGalicianGeorgianGermanGreekGujaratiHaitian CreoleHausaHawaiianHebrewHindiHmongHungarianIcelandicIgboIndonesianIrishItalianJapaneseJavaneseKannadaKazakhKhmerKoreanKurdishKyrgyzLaoLatinLatvianLithuanianLuxembourgishMacedonianMalagasyMalayMalayalamMalteseMaoriMarathiMongolianNepaliNorwegianNyanjaPashtoPersianPolishPortuguesePunjabiRomanianRussianSamoanScottish GaelicSerbianShonaSindhiSinhalaSlovakSlovenianSomaliSpanishSundaneseSwahiliSwedishTajikTamilTeluguThaiTurkishUkrainianUrduUzbekVietnameseWelshWestern FrisianXhosaYiddishYorubaZulu

Use over time for: crazy

Third, putting "guano" with "out of hand" goes completely against this photo contained within that wikipedia link. Guano is obviously going into the hand.

So we must conclude that the phrase 'batshit crazy' is being used entirely politically incorrectly because it undermines what is actually going on, and therefore it has become vital that we use #actuallybatshitcrazy to redirect common thinking back to the actual human condition.

Disclaimer- I am #actuallyautisitic, #actuallydiabetic, #actuallyasexual, and #actuallyLexxy. I can't believe I actually ate those eggs.*burp*

And now, to take all our minds off, here is a NSFW vid to #actuallydistract you. Caution for lotta flashing if you are easy to trigger for seizures.

même si je perds un temps pas possible

Oh, nothing, just talking shop with a couple people. What no one saw was me sprinting for cover when it all started so I wouldn't wind up getting massacred, you know, bcuz werewolves n stuff. Hey, some of you Lexx fans tell me you want to keep it culty, well, you sit in dark little underground rooms on the webs, you miss the fun.

That convo clicks to source. What no one saw after it was all over was what keeps me humble, like nearly dropping an entire pork roast on the floor lifting it out of the crockpot, barely catching it during epic facepalm, and then having to clean up all the greasy orange splash that radiated out beyond the edge of the counter onto the floor, and yes, I had to thoroughly wipe down even the cord. Crockpots don't save cleanup pour moi because the Klutz is strong with me. A person I used to run with on twitter would epic facepalm because he crockpots a LOT and uses those special crockpot liner bags so there's no messy cleanup, and I actually bought some and didn't even think to use them. A liner bag wouldn't have stopped the drop-catch-and-splash, but it would've saved me from having to follow up with lifting out the crockpot and washing it. Actually, a bag would have let me lift the entire thing over to a bowl to set in the fridge... +_+ I'm so dumb.

So I found out the guy who put God knows how many hours into this thing got banned. I can't even imagine being stupid enough to get banned from a project this big. I've gone through stacks and stacks of torches trying to light the place up a little, and it's so huge I keep getting turned around and lost.

I've decided that since he's been gone this long and it's barely been griefed at all, I'm not going to worry about trying to claim it for preservation. I've gotten so many screen shots that the awesomeness is preserved anyway, and the only reason I'd want to save a spot in there somewhere is so I don't have to fly 2 days and nights just to get there, but even that really isn't a big deal.

You guys know somewhere on the planet there are webmasters who get to yap with Benedict once in awhile... If Ellen EVER winds up in a movie with him I'll die. Let's plug those two into the Oracle of Bacon.

Hey, I can do this all day.

Except the day is about over and already past my bedtime.

Some of you know what really keeps me grounded.