Chrome has blocked my email, can't even get to the 2-step authentication. Had to go through another browser. Fun.
I'm hearing that April might be a really big deal. Stock up.
I've talked with several people about suicide attempts and recent deaths over the last 7 days. I'm tired.
I need some positivity. Not pollyanna sunshine stuff, but something pertinent.
Some of you are doing some deep digging through Pinky blog and finding very interesting stuff. Scary, huh?
Want some fun? Let's go on the most ridiculous free association jaunt ever and see if any of it makes sense. Check out these things about Dave. The video below is from 1991. This movie was made in 1993. This software from 1996 wanted to make your life better. This embedded system starting from 2012 wants to help you find solutions. This school wants to help you get a job. This app wants to help you with your money. You know, because bitcoin. Maybe. I'm sure that's it. You know, because blockchain. Synchronicity. *mind blown*
Finally had to throw a pair of my fave jeans away. Pretty sure I've had them at least 8 years, and they're irreplaceable since they stopped making that kind. I used to do extensive online searches, they're just gone. Oh, well. I'll never forget them. But I got another pair of jeans on $5 clearance yesterday just because it's an out of season color, so I'm all good. Shazam.
There's a worldwide convo going on again lately about shadowbanning. A lot of people don't realize this isn't new. They're getting so good at it that we're allowed to use it ourselves now. We can unfollow without unfriending, we can mute without a notification going out about it. We can keep our followers without losing them even though we don't want to see what they say. So we ourselves also shadowban our own friends and families.
So we get to use medias created and hosted by corporations that allow us to use their services for free. If it involves communication, we get some level of free use with certain agreements. We are allowed to communicate with one another. No one questions this, in fact, many think it's their right to use this free service. We have been lead to believe we have the right to use communication services free of charge.
Everything from there is a matter of definition, and pretty much a joke. We hand our words and thoughts over to free hosting services and expect them to 'play fair' and 'be legal' and whatever. Then when those free services start making our usage a little more difficult, we protest. We have to right to use others' properties in the way we see fit. Right?
Someone is making money on you wanting to communicate with their 'free' communication service. How they make that money gets hotly debated over all around the world. How we keep allowing them to use us as part of their branding products to make that money blows my mind. But it's what we've got, and yes, I use devices and platforms myself.
So we're on the brink of the types of communication we're allowed to have being redefined, and a lot of how they'll control it is through shadowbanning. Is that unfair?
I'm not arguing for companies to be able to abuse customers who don't yet realize they are literally part of the product. I'm not saying we should be ok with communication being cut off behind our backs without our knowing it. I'm especially not saying it's ok for our communication to be hacked and monitored, but when all boils down, I'm glad they can be legally ordered to share that in, say, missing persons cases and stuff. Which pretty much means they legally do have to monitor...
I shared a post yesterday about U.S. citizens being able to legally mail children through the postal service for a short time in our past. Can you imagine? But, think about it, snail mail is currently the only private communication you can have with anyone across a distance. Well, I don't know about around the entire world, but you know what I mean. The world just doesn't have the man power to open every envelope, you know? Yet they can easily monitor every word you say on a phone nowadays.
Perhaps it's time to relearn the finer arts of snailing our thoughts around again. Maybe it's time to get back to actually paying for our own communication with a book of stamps. All this free stuff is corrupting us, blinding us to what we believe is our right when we're all being herded into communication corrals and locked up with shadowbanning.
I guess a lot of you don't even remember not having email. You can't imagine living without instant communication. You don't know that it's possible to get the most important things said so privately that no one ever knows but you. Imagine having a machine to type on and there being no record of anything you ever type to come back and bite you. No hard drive, no other owner, no big brother.
Pencils and paper are important. If you are ever stuck in a blackout, on a stalled highway, or somewhere else with tech fail going down all around you, YOU CAN STILL COMMUNICATE. I fondly think of it as someone reading my mind through time.
Spiral notebooks are like security blankets. When all else fails, keep a notebook with you in the car, in your purse or a bag, just keep one around everywhere you go, and you will always be able to communicate. Why am I saying this? Well, I can imagine a scenario where all our phones go dead, where the grid goes down, where we literally cannot access social medias to see what is going on, cannot get a call through to anyone about what is going on, and what we'll be left with is writing down what is going on.
Don't be a slave and think you are helpless when it all goes down. Be ready to own your future. And I'll tell you right now I'm not going to harass you one bit about grammar and spelling and penmanship as long as you can get ideas across. The most important idea in the world could be written in pictographs, and I would be fine with that. Throw in a few maps and depictions of what's going on, write out what's happening, share your feelings, make paper airplanes, be human.
And if nothing bad ever happens, think about keeping some paper and pencils around anyway. They practically keep forever.
Snip clicks to tweet so you can go follow Pagan and Nurture and Support on twitter.
and click this amazon link
(not paid to link any of that on Pinky blog)
My youtube viewer history went off the rails this week, so I'm slapping myself silly again. I think my very favorite thing in this highly promiscuous and NSFW 'pink slap meme' search are those really long toes with the pink toenails.
And I just realized that by word association half of you probably thought that my youtube viewer history going off the rails meant in a promiscuous way, so let me make you sick and really sick. Not promoting, just sharing the nauseated feeling. I tend to rocket off into the abyss like I'm skipping down a carnival strip when life plunges into dark and sucky, and I cannot say anything right now that doesn't sound smutty, so consider it another innocent jaunt into closeyoureyes land.
It's ok, though, I found pink spiderpig.
And of course that roofied me right out of Sadland into crazy and I'm good now.
You don't wanna even see my video trail over the weekend. Well, some of you probably would, but I think one week of pseudo politics/religion is enough this year. I can't do that auto reaction thing. Y'all might be into blowing people off, but I'm not hitting anybody with blow offs myself, so maybe I've transcended that brain train jerk off crap. Truth is what we make up, guys. Whatever you think you're standing for, there's nothing behind it if it's more important to walk on each other and be ridiculous than stop and actually think a little bit. I presented scientific data gathering over time, all it took was a misunderstood click bait title to knock the bicycles over. I'm kinda hurt after years out here that I was taken at such a shallow level. But that's on me, isn't it? I stepped out of my Pinky routine and there it went. I fell for the depression lie the other day. You know what? I'm so done with depression lies. I'm gonna rock what I want, and whether you get to see it or not is up to you. Kindess is logical, and I'm afraid that even if it was your only hope you'd miss catching on to that. I was a deeply committed Spock fan years before it was cool, and if you want to fancy yourself a hipster deep thinker, you need to understand what thinking actually really is. Watching TV doesn't make you a thinker. It makes you brain trained. The next time I share an up to date collection of scientific study and news reports from around the globe spanning the last 5 years and get blown off over a poorly titled source, well, there probably won't be a next time. Go spend your own hours finding the gold in all the drivel. I'm not going to tolerate an offer to actually discuss something cool in a rare public format being shot down so immediately by people who should by now know me better, omg. THAT was disappointing. Go back to your brain trained drivel. I'm eyeball deep in world science teams and translation software when I'm not interacting on a world server with people using actual manners learning to problem solve together.
So. Finally have a day off. I was supposed to get nearly the whole week off, which would have been fabulous after a snow week tossing schedules around like confetti, but Monday I got to see my dad and brother driving through town, Tuesday the fiber optic installation team came in to finalize the switchover and wound up having to replace a cable, so that took awhile, then yesterday we tore the house apart trying to catch a hamster and wound up deep cleaning the house, so naturally today I SLEPT. I've barely done a thing. And tomorrow is EMG testing to see if the nerve down my left leg into my foot has corrupted since last time they tested, and the rest of my day will be suckage. So yeah, today is my only day off in an otherwise supposedly 'empty' week. Totally wasting it.
these are actual cupcakes, click to go to facebook
My mind is so blank that it feels inside out, like I got the onion skin and carbon papers in backward on the typewriter. Those of you who don't have a clue, that's seriously how blank my mind is, it goes back to before you were born.
and this one clicks to pinterest
Ok, here we go. Yeah, just surfing at this point. Not even anything out for supper. I don't feel guilty.
click for a very cool page
I'm really glad I made that tic list this month, so I can see that I'm actually still getting a few things done. I wish I were getting more done today, but not badly enough to do anything about it. Sometimes you just gotta be worn out.
Day 5. Still hiding out from the Jehovah Witness. Curtains drawn, lights off, stealth chores going on. Outside is snow and nasty cold. Weather hasn't deterred them in the past. I made the mistake of inviting them back when they showed up in my driveway right behind me last week. I was actually glad to see real people that day because my depression was so bad, but politely declined assistance getting my shopping in. We talked for awhile, and I was fine with it and even said we could talk again sometime. When they jumped on what day next week would be good, I auto deflected with we don't have a set schedule around here. I don't invite people into my house. This is my sanctuary, my escape, my cave. This isn't a hang out for people outside my family. I grew up with my dad pulling people into the house to 'talk bible' and it would last for hours, and he even had me cooking meals so he could keep them there. He loves talking bible, and can out talk anyone, yes, including Jehovah Witness. I know for a fact that they eventually realize they are trapped and work on ways to escape. I am like my dad. I am saving them from exhaustive entrapment. I am saving us all from a not so cute cat and mouse head game. I am like my dad. I like to win...
pic clicks to wiki page
make of it what you will the USS Illuminati (NCC-60309) in ST Expanded Universe is a little over the top, I think all the good stuff is in the interactive gaming the rest flies under audience radar
So the stuff I brought up in the last post, right. It hit me later, I remembered having seen someone on facebook freaking out about finding out their kid's photo was being sold on the internet for a weirdly high price and they couldn't figure out why in the world, right. Well... maybe the cloning is a real thing. Maybe human trafficking isn't against the law when you use tissue samples from birthing and whatever (*cough*abortions*cough*) to clone cute little kiddies and people can pick them out of catalogs. Just saying. None of that is new. This is old stuff. You guys only know about it accidentally because of social media shares and internet surfs.
Those of us on the topside still have some semblance of human rights. I'm about to tell you exactly what I think since I've been so cryptic all through Pinky blog. Well, it still looks cryptic, but this is how it boils down.
Whatever comes, two things.
Your mind in the moment is yours. Even if you are brainwashed, there are times you are a lucid self, and that person is who owns those moments. No one else owns your love and kindness. You create that, in any situation. No one is ever brain broken and retrained to be sweet and kind. If you want to own yourself, be sweet and kind in your lucid 'now' moments.
We are all slaves. We always have been. We are continually used like noobs and taken advantage of with the whole freedom idea, and human dignity is a gift we give each other daily, not something someone owes us. We are the ones who give each other dignity.
Nothing else in this world holds any promises. Pinky blog assumes we are all already screwed. I am teaching you how to go forward and survive.
You don't have to believe in whatever god people hold over you or that extraterrestrials exist or that governments actually don't care about people as much as they do infrastructure, and you certainly don't have to believe me hinting at anything, but somewhere in your mind, heart, and soul there is a real person, and you easily forget to notice that we are all real people caught in a big mess. Where did the mess start? That's debatable. Did someone engineer this mess? That's food for thought. Is this mess necessary? From certain points of view, it might be. But underneath all that mess is you are real. Whether a genuine God is real is between you and God and no one else's place to manipulate you with. Some people do care, but don't realize they themselves come from a very brain trained institutionalized process that uses God to create and enhance emotional dysfunction and pressured compliance. That is not a loving God. Learn to tell the difference.
Never forget that you are real. Even if everything falls apart, or if your world is already broken, you are real. YOU are what is important. Your moments. The gifts you quietly give others. You own that.
The more I think about my resolutions for this next new year, the sillier they get, so you know what, I'm going with it.
Meme it up. Meandering miscreant mindfully making messes more meaningful. (btw, I didn't make any of the memes in this post, they all click to source.)
Step off the cliff. Minecraft filling in all the little holes needs to start joyfully filling in all the big holes, too. Creativity and expression are good for the soul.
Put my shoes on. Make up for this last year's routine exercise fail. At least put the shoes ON every morning, which will naturally make it more likely to follow up.
Own my own junk. I'm hauling out a metaphorical flamethrower and going to town on this decade of pile up in my room. I'm done with holding onto the past for reasons we can't even remember now.
Follow the carrot. Every month I am pulling a little money back for Christmas next year, organizing my snail mail hobby back into folders like the old days, and putting my Houston kiddos at the top of all the lists. What my heart most desires must be what leads me through this next year. I believe this will keep me more focused and in better spirits.
So. Another year of horrors, regrets, fears, rages... I can't help noticing that Pinky blog spotlights that rollercoaster we all go on even when I try to distract myself away from it, and if we're stuck on that ride, dang if I actually care any more that it's a thing. It's a thing. So are cookies, people. When life sucks so bad, it's time to make cookies and memes. You can do the healthy cookie thing, too, it's not a fail to do a cookie.
Looking up stuff like 'vintage pastel Christmas' for rotating wallpapers on Jawn.
click for a really pretty dessert table idea
I had saved ornaments just like these from my childhood and they all broke one year when the tree fell over. Oh, well.
click for a really nice collection of pinterest pix
It's taken a few years to get my holiday mood back on proper, and this year it's all good. I guess having a kiddo in the house is really good for me. I'm actually enjoying the idea of 'holiday season'. We had this next set when I was growing up, too, and they were probably vintage before I was ever out of high school. They'd be super vintage by now.
click to get to vendor description
I guess we can see where my 'pink Christmas' interest comes from. Pinky may have started further back than I realized.
Fighting with Jawn trying to get loaded into a resource desert and Jawn insisting the launcher is the jerk, not him, and me stomping off in a huff and then remembering Halloween is in a few days and promptly getting lost in a search and running right into this. Click for pink gothic awesome.
And then @bonenado stumbled out of bed asking if I tweeted that because he forgot to put the pizza up last night, kinda bending my brain around sideways going wut because #notaclue (I put the leftover pizza into the fridge last night, no big deal), and then I was like OH, that was 5 hours in the ER waiting room by myself the other day, lol. Turns out a particular pain I've been blowing off all month might be an ulcer and they actually nearly admitted me. The GI cocktail changed my life, I've seen the error of my ways, and suddenly we're all understanding the whole Jekyll and Hyde thing and started meetings about restructuring around my spoonie fatigue wall and getting me off the captain's deck before the Titanic asplodes a gasket into outer space and we all go spinning off into Whatthehelljusthappened Land.
click for funny sox
I still don't know for sure until I get a referral to a gastro guy, but if it's real, I've never had an ulcer before and this is new territory. My history clearly nailed the only anti inflammatory med I've taken for the last 3 years because it's a bitch and I was supposed to stop taking it last summer and kept sneaking a couple by every week even though I felt gross when I took them, and then this big pain exploded in my stomach a month ago during an allergy flare up and pred burst, and then antibiotic shortly after that, and that was the last time I had that pain pill because it was a bit scary. I'm so preoccupied with other pain areas and keeping up on the gerbil wheel around here that it was easy to just stop eating and ignore my guts. Guess that was a bad idea.
I was up 24 straight hours yesterday. I'm going back to bed.
I WANT ALL OF THESE
pic clicks out to way more pink mug stuff
I especially like 'live what you love', 'prove them crazy wrong', and 'make it happen'
I'm actually back up to my 2 extra large cups of coffee every morning. I was doing really well cutting back for about a week and I guess just hit a big ol' rebound over the last few days while I was juggling a few eggs and chainsaws. One of those sucker punch weekends on all fronts, and today feels like the 3rd Monday in a row kind of thing.
I grew up in a world of stigma and have seen all the nasty things it can do to relationships and self worth. Inserting stigma into any convo is the fastest way in the world to sabotage, using stigma in social structure is the surest way to mass control.
Fuck stigma. I don't care who thinks or says what about me any more, and I'm going to keep saying honesty and transparency are the path to healing, from micro to macro. Everyone benefits from this point of view.
If you want to stay trapped in stigma (and bless your hearts, I know it is so hard), then realize that you make the conscious choice to allow others to victimize, harass, and emotionally (sometimes physically) rip you. Yes, I know that simply deciding to flip to the other side of the coin doesn't solve all the problems, but like I've been saying in public blogs since 2008- MAKE A PLAN.
Who are you?
Who do you want to be?
How do you get what you want?
What small steps will it take in between the bigger stepping stones to reach your destination?
Social mapping is foreign to me. I suck at understanding human interaction. That doesn't mean I can't learn to navigate the choppy waters, lurking undercurrents, and deadly rocks jutting up from below. I don't have to be shipwrecked because of a rock I didn't see coming. I don't have to stay beached in a place I never wanted to be. I don't have to be sucked into a downdraft and drown because someone else is oblivious or mean.
And I don't have to be mean about it myself. All I gotta do is walk away from it, float over the top of it, steer around it, and keep sailing to where I want to go with my life.
For some people this will mean literally leaving families. For others this means simply adjusting schedules. Any change is always disruptive, and sometimes our comfort zones are deep ruts carved into dysfunctional relationships for reasons. Could be money, could be physical or mental handicaps, could be anything. But tiny incremental small changes over time add up to big changes you never dreamed you could make happen.
I've spent the last 5 years blogging my way through small stepping away from hopeless helpless despair because I wanted to. I had an idea I believed (desperately hoped) could work, and yes, it's working even way better than I ever imagined. I put together my own care team, I put together a plan with clearly defined goals, and I asked for my care team to help me. This care team includes
primary care physician
chiropractor
psychologist
endocrinologist
gynocologist
neurologist
psychiatrist
physical therapy team
massage therapy person
I sought out all those people (and my family) and told them they are part of my team, and that they would all know all the things all the rest do. They all have input, and therefore I've been able to successfully stay off meds that exacerbate problems. My favorite is the neurologist wanting me back on amitriptyline for nerve pain and my psychiatrist letting me know that would make anything mood related much worse. In the past I floundered through so much confusion with only one doctor trying to handle all my stuff, and wound up so miserable and sick all the time that I literally crumbled into immobility and loss of function. Her abruptly abandoning her practice for hospital work and leaving me dangling for 4 months set me on a path that ultimately saved my life.
I crawled my way back out of that, I'm honest with all my people about all my things, I ask for very specific help with reasons why and what I hope to get out of it, and they are more than happy to help me. No more confused wandering through a health care system for me, thanx.
I am #aspienado. I know who I am, what I want, and where I'm going, and I hope to be good for other people so that my life won't feel wasted at the end of it. The legal diagnoses I listed in my last post don't mean I can't make decisions about my own health care (including mental health). Yes, I deal with a mountain of stuff, but that doesn't mean I am incapable of seeking out advice and making educated decisions about how to go forward into making my life better, and I trust my team to guide me through what I don't yet understand.
The most important thing I ever did in my life was learn to ask others for help. I don't instinctively trust anyone, and I'm super fail at reading people, so that was hard. In order to get good help, I put together lists of questions I needed answers to, and I learned to keep it simple and focused so that I wouldn't overwhelm anyone, because I really am an overwhelming person when I get going, and often other people don't realize quite where they triggered a mass of confusion in me that tips my world over. It's called the KISS method and I learned it in high school. Keep It Simple, Stupid.
Executive decisions are in order. My new BP med definitely boosts glucose levels, and my morning fasting is now up to 106 instead of the 90s. I get a thumpy heartbeat now after coffee and I know it's the creamer, not the caffeine. Glucose strip testing confirmed I'm getting higher readings now after just coffee, and when my glucose hits 130-140 I get thumpy heartbeats on the way back down to 120, always, anything I eat, no caffeine. I've reconfirmed this many times. Once I'm back below 120, no more thumpy heartbeats. SO. Instead of my 2 large cups of coffee (I've needed rocket fuel for Bunny preschool mornings), it's time to go back to 2 small cups or 1 large cup. That will cut down on some of the lactose bumping my glucose up. (I don't use sweeteners at all in any form, it's just canned milk.)
My menu planning needs to tighten up some more, too. I've been allowing a few starches and sweets here and there, and it's evidently affecting my A1C if my fasting glucose is defaulting higher. If I want to feel well for the holidays, I need to stick to healthy fats and proteins. If I'm going to live well with this new BP med, I need to be smart with my nutrition choices.
Walked through the livingroom last night while @bonenado was flipping channels and caught about a minute of Young Sheldon. Secret from an #actuallyautistic- learning the rules behind breaking the rules was a biggie for me. While the show might've concentrated on the NT viewpoint all around him, what you might not have seen was anyone have a logical discussion with that kid on the rules behind allowing rule breaking (I didn't watch long enough to find out). I have a very sophisticated mental flow chart with many loop counters that I've constructed over many years dealing with this from autistic POV, and I've learned that the rules behind breaking rules is much more important than the structure set up for keeping rules in place. Honestly, I couldn't sit through the show. It was immediately very painful for me. I won't say any more about it, except that I grew up in an era of continual corporal punishment and belittlement. If Young Sheldon helps to change that, great. I just can't rally behind it personally without triggering.
Still not back on server yet, which I'm ok with for the time being. I'm needing to handle a few things around my house and stop putting a couple of other things off. I'm in the pre-holiday-still-funtioning part of fall and need to keep this focus I have before it's gone. Once I get back on server with the new concrete, I may be going some pink places.
I'd have set this to different music, like Craig Chaquico's Dreamcatcher. Both vids are about the same length, so mute the first one and play the second while the first one runs.
Burned out tedium, basically. I can't believe this is part of a real pronunciation series and that they spent a whole minute saying this word over and over.
This clicks to much less 'reimaginative' than the article purports.
I mean, I really was looking up 'pink stultify' this morning. That clicks to a wild assortment of imagery and even more new words. I was so surprised. Anyway, here is your basic stultify definition.
I have been feeling like this for awhile. I know a lot of it is adjusting stupid meds and being worn out with real life flinging me around and slapping me against buildings, and it's not anyone's fault. It's not the same thing as feeling bored. Also #transparency, kinda dealing with the death thing on several fronts, so aspienado shutdown is in full effect. Lotta emotional juggling going on.
These are the current repeater hits (hi, France) and they are stultifying to see, so I'm playing games, like how many sentences can these titles create if we smoosh them all together?
Although Vivendi is swearing off a summer syllabus, brain coffee resuscitation is helping him yell shut up! through vigils galore.
Anyway, 98% of my traffic this last week as been that France thing, and Brazil and Ukraine barely even blip once in awhile any more. It's like being in one of those weird super obsessive relationships where you find out the exes quietly got axed or something. It's also opening my eyes to the kind of wonky reward systems I create for myself, and how personally I take mundane things getting in my perceived way.
No, I haven't gone down a rabbit hole, I swear. I know I'm scarce out there. I'm just way in my head. I'm still seeing you guys. A few of you are swimming in viral complications and it sucketh mucheth. Crossing my digits I don't go there, too. Allergies are off the hook, and it's frickin December. My eyes are calling this Xmas Weed Season, because it's as bad as having ragweed allergies. I'm wearing dark glasses looking like I'm on pot, and seriously, was tailgated by 2 different cops this week. Pretty sure I looked doped up between all the antihistamines and being in my weird little aspie shutdown, total fruit loop. Throw in the big rug I had in the back of the CRV (and my windows are tinted), coulda had a body in there, right?
Still getting stuff done, even though the week finally caught up with me and I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly around my house and even talking to myself. Things have been happening in a logical way, so apparently I'm on some kind of auto pilot stripping my house down. I barely even remember doing it because my head is so busy on other stuff.
Ok, I googled 'pink Christmas food', that was a mistake. Here, have some eye candy instead. I think I've mentioned a few times that in the 80s my entire bedroom was a Van Halen shrine (I embraced both David and Sammy equally), with over 300 pix covering every square inch of wall. I think I also mentioned my dad is Mennonite *cough*. Fun times.
He was especially disappointed when I got my ears pierced (single in each ear), quoting a verse about remaining unmarked, but the rest of my body is completely free of mutilation or tagging, and I'll tell you why- I'm frugal, lol. But I've thought a LOT about that verse, along with a few others. I don't think it has anything to do with being pure or clean or whatever. I think it's so society (back in those days) couldn't identify you with any certain tribe or group or institution, because back then that kind of stuff could get you killed. Nearly everything you read in the bible about behavior in hard times is about surviving something- war, captivity, extortion, protection rackets, kidnappings, etc. Unmarked people were kept alive longer for various reasons, not least of which they weren't automatically lumped into belonging with or to your enemy and sent off to heavy labor camps. I think way too many people nowadays mistake good advice in there for rules that make people 'bad'. Tattoos and piercings aren't sinful, they just totally tag you as whatever other people have in their heads. You could be the sweetest softie in the world and have a neon 'miscreant' over your head because someone thinks tats and piercings are 'bad'. I'm sure it also had a lot to do with harlotry and Hitler and whatever else at the time (a kid in my graduating class was very openly a big Hitler FAN), but I just wanted dangly earrings. My dad never even came close to insinuating that would make me a slut, but yeah, that's basically what he was saying.
I've seen some pretty awesome ink, but I could never bring myself to spend that kind of money on people being paid to poke me up and risk allergic reactions and infections after being in so much pain for so long, and sick a lot to boot, so I'll just never go there. If things were different, I'd get my whole face and body tattooed royal blue. Ever since I was a kid I've wondered why I'm not blue. I think in a previous life I must've been a blue person from another world or something.
It's only day 3 and I'm about to start stripping floors. All the other regular cleaning and laundry is done. After floors I'll be a crazed maniac stripping out my kitchen (not today, omg I'll be worn out) so I can do some light remodel. I've lived with baby, toddler, and now pre-K bombing my life and I reeeeeally need my house back. Everywhere I turn is my stuff shoved out of the way for kid stuff, and I keep feeling like if I don't get on this NOW, I'll just wind up buried under it like I was with my own kids, and having to go through my mom's stuff after she died is still too fresh in my mind. She never really dug her way out from under, just kept finding ways to keep efficiently organizing or hiding it, and although there are still some cool memories at the old house, it was excruciating going through the stuff she never got to actually incorporate into her life after her own mother died. For some reason that's just a big thing on my mind, and I feel like if I give in and let another year slide by, I'll wind up in a funk I'll never come out of again. I'm just now finding my real self, I can't keep losing track of myself in other people's stuff.
And that's part of the problem with Christmas happening over and over and over. STUFF.
I think at the top of my bucket list is a contented feeling knowing my house is already cleaned out when it's my turn to go. No junk, no work for other people to drag through. Easy. If I were really brave and cool, I'd donate my body to science like @bonenado's ex has signed up to do, be a cadaver for medical students or something. That would be even easier on everyone. Funny, I can't quite wrap my head around that one.
I know, tis the season to be morbid, right? Sorry about that. Here, let's get something going to help me move along and conquer day 3.
I keep thinking about the #actuallyautistic and #actuallydiabetic tags and how that whole obsession with refining defining is going to misfire horribly and actually create an actually calloused actuality. I thought about demonstrating this with a nonsensical tag, like #actuallybatshitcrazy, and dang if it hasn't already been used, but only three times so far. I'm here to correct that.
Actually batshit crazy is different from batshit crazy because it denotes that someone is, in fact, actually batshit crazy, as opposed to the urban slang going around that demeans and condescends batshit crazy into a slur. It's important that we change popular atmosphere to a more elevated awareness of how slanging batshit crazy hurts those who are actually batshit crazy by making a mockery of their condition, which is an actual challenge that one must actually live with every day and actually push back all the tide against it misunderstanding what batshit crazy actually is because it's used so often in a derogatory fashion.
Ok, I just nearly burned my scrambled eggs over that last sentence because this is important, and you need to understand my commitment to sacrificing other things in my life to make sure the public is properly educated about what batshit crazy really is.
First, we must understand that batshit, or guano, is one of the most valuable and sought after commodities on the planet.
Second, we must understand that the usage of the word crazy, as defined here by google search (with over one billion more references), is demonstrably crazy, or, out of hand. (See little chart at the bottom.)
(of an angle) appearing absurdly out of place or in an unlikely position.
"the monument leaned at a crazy angle"
archaic
(of a ship or building) full of cracks or flaws; unsound or shaky.
adverb
NORTH AMERICAN
adverb: crazy
1.
extremely.
"I've been crazy busy"
noun
NORTH AMERICAN
noun: crazy; plural noun: crazies
1.
a mentally deranged person.
Origin
late 16th century (in sense ‘full of cracks’): from craze + -y1.
Translate crazy to
Use over time for: crazy
Third, putting "guano" with "out of hand" goes completely against this photo contained within that wikipedia link. Guano is obviously going into the hand.
So we must conclude that the phrase 'batshit crazy' is being used entirely politically incorrectly because it undermines what is actually going on, and therefore it has become vital that we use #actuallybatshitcrazy to redirect common thinking back to the actual human condition.
