Header snip originally from giphy, added onto to by other enthusiastic fans, and then I took it through memedad.
-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
 photo README2.gif


Wednesday, August 16, 2017

the mighty pen

I started this about an hour and a half before midnight two nights ago.

I should probably be paying more attention.

I only found that because I couldn't keep a game server up and wasn't quite ready to pull my brain off the screen yet. As far as I can tell, a specific something kinda boomed in a particular couple of areas that was most likely Lexx related. Oh, nothing, just deep underneath the surface mining ores 'n stuff, glancing up...

I've started asking this question of a few people around me in real life and online- If you knew you could make $100,000 over the next 2 years, would you let anything stop you? And then when I move on to Would you let your depression stop you?, the response instantly lets me know they know exactly what I'm talking about.

I believe I am capable. I believe I have worthy material. My stats let me know once in awhile that other people think that, too. I have things to say that have garnered interest from nearly every country on the planet, some of the most specific hits coming in on posts leaning out over that not-quite-saying-it edge on religion and politics. Well, today it may have been about fandom freedoms and politics.

I don't share all of what I really think on blogs. As I inch closer and closer to hard copy print merch, it's becoming more clear how much impact I could possibly have. Original intention was to have impact, yes, but originally, I never even dreamed of how much impact just a few blog posts could have.

I love author bios. It's cool finding out that Orwell was unimaginably ill with tuberculosis as he was writing 1984. It's comforting finding out that a favorite book here or there took ten years to write. It's weird wondering what a generation or two after me would say if I ever really did make it. It's horrible thinking it will all go to the grave with me if I don't get this done.

I haven't been this emotionally and physically drained in years. Fatigued, yes. More crippled and suffering, yes. More sick and afraid, most definitely. But too tired to care... never. I don't recall ever reaching this point before. Even when I got close, anger would always push me back onto my path. I'm too tired to be angry any more.

Revenge is best served cold. I'm beginning to see a new interpretation of that. I think it's often meant more like a well-planned revenge works best when the temper flaring is out of the way. I'm wondering now if it could also mean revenge is best served when it is no longer even cared about. I'm noticing a new freedom growing in my mind. The tireder I feel, the less I worry about consequences or perfect timing or the money that's gone into it. By the time I get this done, I'll be so worn out that I'll still be a completely normal person living a normal life trying to get back into an occasional live tweet, like what I did never even happened. Big deal, right Neal? Oh yeah, that book thing. I'll be more concerned about how far behind I'm dragging on a TV show or whether I can keep up with other players on a game server.

Now it is today.

And I don't have much to say. Scratch that, I have reams in stack overflow. I've been writing on anything and everything I can lay hands on when tech is down and I'm spread thin across the maps. Back to school pens and spirals are my Christmas, all boiled down.

I'm to the point where I don't believe any author that actually manages to write on any kind of schedule at all has enough family life of some kind going on. #fam When I arrive to my deathbed, I definitely won't be regretting that I didn't stop continually over and over in the middle of paragraphs and sentences and thoughts to respond to people I care about on all sides coming to me for anything and everything.

The love is so very real. I hope to God I get this done.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

I brake for nothing

So 5 major life change things happened right after I made out a work schedule with a countdown for the end of August.

  • Bunny broke her arm.
  • We got strep.
  • @bonenado's work finally sold, after 3 years, and changes hands on Tuesday.
  • Bunny enrolled for pre-K in a local school, and that starts Wednesday.
  • I started a new and very different therapy schedule.

So we've been in nonstop transitioning and acclimating mode for the last 2 weeks, and this coming week is #ALLTHETHINGS rising to a great big crescendo.

And, of course, that's not even counting the whole week of internet browning out from more weather and the latest big W10 update that had me scuttling for disk space. And through THAT I managed to keep up with a game server economy flip and got my player shop updated. Somehow. Like by relogging every 5 or 10 minutes at several points, or rebooting the computer over again after hourly cache and temp wipes in between brownouts and disconnects. You know how many times I've seen this just trying to blog a little?

Clearly nothing stops me from doing what I want even when I'm caught in freeze frame. Me and Jawn irl, fighting over keyboard control. You didn't see me lose my internet connection after nearly every single sentence and then for 30 minutes straight just before posting. I'm having to finish on my phone.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Did you plug it in?

The struggle is real.

It's been a long week. I've been pro-wrestling the game server today just keeping internet long enough at a time to execute and complete one or two actions, such as properly signing a player shop chest or reaching a teleport destination before another abrupt disconnection. The brownouts have been so bad around the house that I could see the microwave dim just trying to make a cup of tea. We haven't actually lost electric at all, but it's like my whole house is on 1980 level power support, and my router is definitely feeling it. Blogger will go 4-5 minutes telling me it can't auto-save as I go, so imagine me pulling off not only keeping up with the economy flipping in game, but ramping my wealth from 25K to I think around 113K before I finally gave up awhile ago. Meanwhile, the continual brownouts assured that I'd be frustrated enough to spring out of my chair getting all the dishes and laundry caught up before the weekend.

And I'm having a headache.

I recently started another therapy schedule, this one focusing on cervical atlas and axis. I don't know why no one's ever thought of this before, but since I had a SEVERE whiplash when I was ejected from a car flipping at 19, no one's ever actually looked at it like this among the plethora of x-rays, CTs, and MRIs over the years for nasty trigeminal and cranial nerve pain and migraines that even had people doing random spinal taps on me. At any rate, getting a proper look at that area, if you are actually looking for it and at it, shows an off-balance tilt and a slight cockeyed compensation. Yes, the bones are actually not straight like they should be, which means the soft tissues around them are taking turns swelling and being squished. In short, everything below that point is at the mercy of the nerve trunk and nerves in that area being compressed. I lived with what one doctor called a sprained neck for over 2 decades, basically a permanent charlie horse that took physical therapy 4 1/2 years to get back to kinda normal because it evidently affected and referred down through shoulder, chest, and even leg. But it's still a compensatory kind of normal, meaning that I'm still using workarounds to fake being able to live normally, which has been really interesting as I've watched professionals discover I can't feel large parts of the right side of my body while the left side hurts quite badly, and they're telling me the right side is actually worse. Meanwhile, I've had problems swallowing for years, and have brought it up a few times with various doctors. I've had my entire face and head go completely numb. I've lived with nerve fail coming and going in my left eye (couldn't make tears for 3 years), left ear (unremitting stabbing pain in my ear drum), and crazy itchy spots that was all I could do not to tear my skin off for months, and this is the first time anyone has ever said hey, let's really look at this area.

So through the rest of August I will be doing very specific atlas therapy, followed with clinical TENS. Like any therapy, several hours or a couple of days following will have me feeling 'beat up', which is normal for every therapy I've ever been through. Pain reduction is the overall goal, but along the way, nerves are going to respond to every little thing as things change, and I know I will go through pain changes and some pain referring, and even if I'd say I actually experienced the pain level being lowered, I would still feel 'beat up' and sometimes cry. To me it's more like a relief cry, like when you're sick and start antibiotic and then feel gross as it kicks in, even though you know you're getting better.

Being an interactive emotionally well adjusted person during this kind of pain focus (on top of autism, which is a sensory overload issue at the heart of it) will be very challenging. I'll do my best, but if I grind any of you up into hamburger and feed you to rats and then grind the rats up to stuff into snake skins for kielbasa, please accept my apologies ahead of time, because you'll probably feel unforgiving later. Like I've said here and there in past posts, if I'm not talking to you, it's probably a good thing.

I'm getting an 'out of disk space' warning. Sorry, no youtube today. I don't even care, this week has been stupid with my laptop and the power brownouts.

Monday, August 7, 2017

like the old days

So I put "race of intergalactic beings without pinky fingers" into a search bar and came up with these goodies-

Get Along Without a Pinkie? It’s Tougher Than You Might Think 12-15-08 kinda old reflection during a suspected writer's block
ANCIENT ALIENS? Mummified three-fingered 'non-human corpse unearthed’ 6-22-17, rather fresh one here
Say goodbye to pinky toes 9-18-14 NOOOOOooooo

Why are you doing this, you ask. Because my internet is too slow and sucky for gaming, I reply. Oh, you say. Yes, it sucks, I say.

Three weeks till the big eclipse, guys. Hey, I stick up for the picked on. Also, click for more, because if you're reading Pinky blog, you're probably as bored as I am. #10 is awesome.

I just discovered that "panki y el guerrero" is a thing. Hm. Moving on. Oh, here we go, press the Bored Button. Meh. Wo, lol, I come up in an 'Elon Musk' search.

Ok, here you go. you're my lobster Not a clue in the world why that particular post got associated with Elon Musk in a search. The only time I even mention him here in Pinky blog out of over a thousand posts is on base reality. If someone dragged my writing into comments somewhere else, I guess thank you? Kinda weird how this one worked out.

I'm actually looking for the post I made once with all kinds of doo-dads to play around on. Super facepalm on it being impossible to find, even with all the tags I use.

Ok, I'm worn out now. I've looked and looked and finally just ran into this vid I salvaged on a Pinky post on Xanga. "I could easily write 10,000 words on the magic of the old days"... I'm going out on this one.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

in line for the #AprilUpgrade

I have no idea how I even got into the live tweet, much less pulled 5800+ impressions on a hot world live tweet with scattered hashtag feeds going a million miles an hour between less than 1 ms on internet ping speed with a nearly used up data plan on a nearly dead phone, but it felt sooooo gooooood. I've had better tweet nights, but it's been MONTHS, and I'm so hungry for a good run.

Right now I'm comparing that to chopping punkins on a server that rarely pulls over 30 people at a time... I really do miss the thrill-seeking. I'm wondering if I should take a hard look at my priorities again. I need to feel good about what I'm doing, and let's face it, the cost/benefits are eating me in a few ways. I love that I'm being creative, but I'm not loving that I'm disappearing. I love that I have a stress management diversion, I'm not loving that I'm using it to duck and hide.

I admit I've been a big bad jerk today. Well, mostly all in my head, but if it's all the same, guilty. I don't let myself reach the bottom center of the black hole of feeling selfish very often, but I went there today for a few minutes and very thoroughly disgusted myself. Then I beat myself up and shoved my face into a new playlist, and I was all fixed by the time Sharknado 5 came on.

I sometimes do that on antibiotic. First 24 hours I can be a real bitch. I managed to fold most of it back into myself before it could leak out anywhere, mostly because I'm seasoned enough to know I generally do a lot of apologizing later and it would be stupid of me to let it go there if I know it's coming, right? But I did whine in the last post, which is facepalm, so thank goodness everyone bailed mid movie because it's not their thing and went to bed. I'm afraid I'm the only real Asylum fan in the house, and I think this is the first of several years that I've missed so much live tweeting.

Anyway, here's where I shoved my head and by the time I was done with this, I was all better. (I don't self harm physically, but I do torture myself mentally. It works.) If you miss stalking me up to the minute and I seem down, you might see a new playlist popping up on my youtube page once in awhile, and that's me dealing, like this one appearing today. There you go.

'cross the river

a friend's screenshot
clicks to server site
I am intensely bummed out about the storms that came through this weekend wiping out my internet to the point of 30 seconds of game play between constant disconnect and the kind of browning out that takes a whole minute to load a page, like I'm on dialup from the old days. Calling around verified that it's a neighborhood thing and we're not alone. My phone plan also has about an hour left of heavy use available to share over 2 phones over the next 2 days, so... no live tweet tonight.

I haven't been this close to hate the whole world venom in a long time. A long time. I've been needing this so badly, I can't even tell ya.

I could go off on a rant about how 2017 blows and whatevs, but that's pointless and temporary. All you guys reading this who still drink, smoke, pop pain pills, and whatever it is you do, throw one down for me. I'm off to sulk, sans comforts. I doubt there is a single thing anyone could say to cheer me up right now, so I'm turning off the tech so I won't flay anyone with my mind through the webs.

It's been a tough year. Where's my playlist? I've got work to do.

automated plagiarism theft

"I singsong sadness into something productive." That popped into my head last night.

So this is happening. Wrastain's tools: Unlimited content for your website

WordAI, guys. As near as I can tell (and the Master is back, right on cue, not sure if it's related), Pinky blog is perfect fodder for auto rewrite. AUTOMATED PLAGIARISM THEFT IS THE LATEST ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE MONEY MAKING SCAM.

And since it's automated, even the 'author' of whatever article being sold doesn't know what they just ripped off, right, unless they're the ones setting it to certain material in the first place.

Auto blogging is the opposite of those next new singing star shows. Those shows rigorously enforce actual talent to the point of stardom. Auto blogging is like reproducing other people's talents into rubbish and selling it off as original material. Auto blogging super sucks for the entire planet because not only does it clog up multiple servers with redundant material, it also clogs up search engines and ultimately our brains. Words are becoming meaningless in an automated society.

I hope this post gets auto picked up, auto rewritten, and auto sold off over and over until it saturates the world, because that would be funny.

Here is one of the feedback comments on their site- "I have all of my writers using WordAi to rewrite content for me and they are each making me over $100 per day."

Do you see why I don't "write for" other people? I've been asked to write original articles for big sites, well, wouldn't be long until those articles were rewritten and reproduced on competitor sites. I still have extremely unique original material that never gets copied except by real life translators simply because I've never associated with a content curating site that funnels readers to specific content. Think about it- if Pinky blog is able to see this stuff in stats just because this has grown into a big blog (and I created all of this all by myself), imagine what a content curate site is able to see. I would be swarmed into oblivion by now if I had never remained rogue.

Other than thunderstorms taking out our internet, still got my fingers crossed for Sharknado tonight. If you don't see me in the live tweet, I'll actually not have internet. Also, if 'Sharknado' and 'live tweet' actually get picked up and rewritten along with this article, double funny, right. 😁

Friday, August 4, 2017

gloriously idiotic

*holding breath* Has it stopped?

That regular 'heartbeat' you see at the beginning of the last 7 days, what I termed the Master's knocking, completely died out over the last 24 hours. This is the first time in MONTHS I have seen normal stats, i.e. real people coming and going. Several posts on the auto hitting scored well over 1500 hits apiece (one wound up over 2000, but I think part of that was actual traffic from a special interest group), and I am still so calloused from seeing fake traffic that I can barely believe real people actually hit them, but I see once in awhile that they really do. Also must've gotten picked up on someone's content curator on the 1st, that spike the other day was a surprise post from the past that had nothing to do with the auto hitting, and surges continued through the day to one particular post. Since actual posting had gone completely dead during that time, I can't take any personal credit for that at all, so thank you to whoever.

I'm doing my best not to fall into the "I'm missing Syfy's  Sharknado Week with the Snarkalecs live tweeting" abyss, but last night I dove into the #ToxicShark feed for a few minutes and absolutely loved it. I miss that so bad. Sharknado 5: Global Swarming airs this coming Sunday night, and I. WILL. BE. THERE. I still think the Sharknado franchise is the most brilliant all-inclusive contract collection ever conceived. Check out Sharknado: Know Your Meme.

Meanwhile, not quite keeping up live with GoT and several other shows, catching up when we can.

I've gotta mention that I finally caught a possible Stan Lee nod on Doc McStuffins. In one particular special hour-long episode titled Welcome to McStuffinsville, we learn that Grandma shares in Doc's secret and gives her a 'toysponder' disguised as a bandaid that transports them to a world of toys, and Doc is promoted to head of the toy world hospital. Along the way, there is a broken toy named Stanley who plots to break lots of toys in order to make new friends that will have to hang out with him. At one point a giant magnet is turned on, entrapping toys containing metal, and Stuffy turns to him saying, "Not cool at all! Stanley, you don't have to do this!", and Stanley replies, "I do, Stuffy. I do." I've seen that ep a few times because it's in Bunny's top ten, and today I happened to be looking away from the screen when that line came through, and I heard it- "Stan Lee, you don't have to do this!" and immediately flashed back on all the cool evil villain scenes, and everything about Stanley clicked perfectly into Stan Lee's superhero wisdom and how villains originate. The scene was absolutely perfect, and if you're a Marvel fan, just *wow*. I loved it. Oh, look, I found it on youtube. See if you think it sounds like Stuffy says "Stan Lee" at that spot, about a minute into this.

My brain is on Hyper Active right now, so I'm slinging thru some new uploads.

And some old ones.

Those of you who envisioned me sitting here buried in youtube, I've jumped up from this chair 8 times since I started this post, and paused each of the vids at least 5 times. Live blogging. I'm not sure how Sunday evening will go, but I've announced to my family that I'll be camped in the livingroom with my tech rolling thru live tweet feeds that will not stop for anything, and I imagine I provoked every Loki in the multiverse just saying that. That means any and all of the following list could happen during my attempt to focus on something I enjoy for 2 hours straight-

  • death (srsly, how many times has someone in my vicinity DIED {or nearly died} right after I actually announced something, and y'all know I've got the blogs to prove it)
  • dismemberment (hey, if a chainsaw accident can happen within an eighth mile of me on Father's Day, anything can happen)
  • epic natural disaster (how many times has Missouri flooded this year?)
  • epic tech fail (I will be risking a 4 year old {and other adults} walking by with liquids that hopefully have tightly sealed lids on them)
  • epic facepalm (drama never stops, and if ANYONE jolts my family into sadness in the middle of my joy {looking at YOU, ex idiot}, I will def make you famous)
  • various and sundry odds and ends just simply going wrong, because that's what the cosmos DOES

During that list I completely stopped for something else and then got up 2 more times. Start placing your bets on whether I actually get to live tweet Sharknado 5. 😁

I need to make Sunday a party day. I'll hafta think of some fun food.

I'm thinking chocolate pie with an ocean meringue. I may not get much more creative than that if I keep sidetracking into other stuff.

Most of all, I miss live tweeting my fave TV doctor who, by the way, actually has a medical degree. Wild veer down a youtube path there. See ya.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

back to conspiracy school

You know how you wake up on a Thursday thinking it's Monday? No? Nevermind.

Yes, eight days since I posted here last. Many things have happened.
  • @bonenado cleaned out a thriving black widow nest full of thousands of hatching babies from under Bunny's slide. Innocent childhood joy, gone. She also went to the fair and saw lots of cool farm animals and hit the carnival rides. Aaaaaand a few days later she fractured her arm about half an inch above the wrist when a climbing adventure went all wrong. Turns out gravity. Yeah, we're learning basic physics. They don't teach you that stuff on PJ Masks. I blame Luna Girl.

  • It's not all Bunny stuff. I had a stupid reaction to mustard and did a 4-day pred burst that resulted in a super sweet pain cessation while I was on it, so I had a really fun day out shopping with the kids for the first time in months. That, in turn, is resulting in Bunny being super thrilled that it's all about getting her own super cute bathroom remodel upstairs. Wait, it's about Bunny... hm.

  • I didn't want to throw away some strawberries (that I bought for Bunny), so I invented a new pie that is barely being nibbled and will wind up in many more ingredients being thrown out, as well. Hey, go big, right. I'll leave you to wonder how it all got purple. There's cream cheese in there, though, so maybe it's ok. Oh, someone ate more, surprise.

  • Back to school shopping! That was exciting. I got an awesome new mouse, a cool new t-shirt, an actual real dress blouse (from China!), and new curriculum. I have a stack of conspiracy fiction books my dad would be thrilled to believe were true. I've been too busy minecrafting to actually open them, but they're there in case the bug bites. Oh, yeah, Bunny got stuff, too. I'm very envious of her lunchbox.

  • Some of you are wondering if Papa ever gets anything. Bunny got him a unicorn shirt for his birthday, sweet.

  • I may hafta do something really nice for him this weekend. We'll be married 24 years on Saturday. Maybe I'll harvest some extra punkins on Mo Creatures and buy him a Fortune III enchantment book. Too bad we can't get stuff like that in real life. I refuse to buy lottery tickets on general principle. He's been donating to wealthy winners for 2 decades now, but I think it should stay more local, like maybe donating to a chiropractor for all those years spent in college helping people recover from, oh I dunno, falling out of trees... We still debate over strength of will vs injuries and arthritis issues.

  • Wait, are we done bullet pointing? I need to run out the door, see ya.
In honor of both back to school and the poor souls who Facebook shamed, I think we should all take a quick education look at human education. Personally, I think flat vs round is blown apart with a big smash of holographic string theory that will itself eventually become quaint, but that's a whole silly blog post unto itself. I believe I hypertorused a cat once...