writing ourselves

Stuff.

• Ow.
• workworkwork
• ~oof~
• drivedoallthethingsdrive
• *spaced out*
• typetypetypedeleteitalleatsuppertype

I think I'm going to write my book like that. I'll have to send the entire thing straight through without an editor review or it'll take forever arguing back and forth about rendering out my coolness with their auto software rewrite.

Thoughts lately.

• The way Gotham is nodding to all the Joker incarnations. 🏆
• When it's the Harrison Wells spinoff but they keep calling it The Flash. 😶
• Finally watched The Two Coreys. 💔💔
• Ancient Aliens. 👽 

I drew a blank there. I'm keeping up with the new episodes, just spaced out while a thousand thoughts suddenly crowded in.

I used to try to meticulously untangle all my thoughts. I thought if I laid them all out I'd be able to objectively and more logically see where meaning lies. I'm kind of leaning nowadays in the direction of subjective interpretive leaps.

For instance, I am very slow audio processing. I can listen and retain very well as long as there is no other stimuli. At all. But add visual and background noise and interruptions and whatever, forget it.

On the other hand, I'm a speed reader. I can glance through very thick technical material and sift out pertinent data very quickly and then transcribe condensated (action word for condensed, yes, I know it's not a real word but it should be) interpretation for easy ingestion by others.

So it's dawning on me that, maybe, trying to be so conscious of every thought is getting in my way. It's slowing me way down. Like math, for you non-mathy types. It feels very laborious to think through structuring a complex math sentence, but so easily spoken as an idea, right. Some brains are good at expression, some are more intuitive without it.

Back to Ancient Aliens. Reality starts with the Nazca lines. They exist. We can speculate till the cows turn blue and never really have an answer. The pyramids, on the other hand, are making more and more sense all the time. It's like our planet broke out in a pyramid rash one millennia and they've never gone away, like chicken pox scars.

I finally ventured into the 'truther' vids about the vacuum of space. They have a point. When I was in grade school back in the 70s, it was common knowledge that space would explode your eyeballs if you didn't have a helmet on. You really don't see that in scifi any more. I asked @bonenado about the Tesla car that SpaceX sent up, why didn't the tires blow out, and without an eyeblink he shot back maybe they were solid tires, because there is such a thing. My husband, with basically no knowledge whatsover of the science of a vacuum, was smarter than Elon Musk in that moment. Even if the Tesla car was for real, why did Elon stutter when he was asked that? Why didn't he shoot out a real answer? And even if the Tesla car was fake, why was he not ready with an answer like that? If he's so smart, how could he not just say something like that when put on the spot? @bonenado was the kid who ate glue in school, and he shot that out so fast without even thinking, and he hadn't even seen the videos about that.

I don't think anything we see is real. Since I was a kid, I have suspected that there is way more than we can imagine, and way less than we speculate. I've been saying for years that we are swimming in radio waves and radiation, that our satellite transmissions are a soup all around us, every possible thing we could ever pick up a signal on is going through us all the time. Worlds we don't see and can't imagine pass through us continually. We bump into walls that we could easily walk through if we knew how, we drag around in bodies that we either hate or take for granted instead of using them to enjoy life and learn how to love each other, we stumble over our own thoughts into gloom and fear when another thought could easily dissolve that away.

All boiled down, we're living our own stories, right. Some people are living bad scifi movies, some people are living scary chiller movies, some people are living lifetime and hallmark movies. And you know it's cool now to jump the shark and mash it all up into a parody movie or a mockumentary.

The Tesla car doesn't bother me. Whether people really went into space or not doesn't bother me. Villains in politics don't bother me. What bothers me is when I hear someone lose it all over someone else while I'm shopping. What really bothers me is when I see a guy punch a girl in a car across a parking lot. What bothers me the most is when I see a crying baby trapped in a car seat being smacked really hard by someone who can't get their life together.

What is reality? What are we choosing?

I'm hiding in my house from a brainwashing cult and practically living in a game server, and you know what? I've never felt more free. If you try to tell me that's messed up, I'll say yeah, so is the idea that we wish aliens would come tell us how to love each other.

Blue Merle

In the last 3 days I've managed to catch up on Gotham, Walking Dead, South Park, The Flash, and Superstore, bawled my eyes out over Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and finally did my second rewatch of Doctor Strange. I've also caught a few friends' podcasts and video series. This is on top of hours on server moderating while staying caught up with dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, and web presence on several levels.

I think doubling the gabapentin was a good idea. I was smart this time, though. I researched other people complaining on med forums and titrated up slowly over a week and was able to adjust better than the way I was slammed into triple the dose last year.

Now that my brain is kinda able to handle more with some of the pain load cut down, here are some observations.

• South Park is our only hope for humankind.
• Ego was a dick. That was basically a modernized Zeus story, nicely done.
• Iris was the cutest Flash, I'm sad that didn't stick a little while longer. I was looking forward to Harry's brain melt, even sadder they didn't go there. Yet. Crossing my fingers they do. Also, I want Star Labs mugs and sweatshirts now.
• Nygmobblepot needs its own spinoff.
• Amy and Jonah are the first actual canon ship I have ever rooted for, ever.
• Seeing blue 'Merle' just before Daryl was head spinning, and why in the world is no one shooting Simon, wtf. Oh, yeah, because they're stupid. Like always.
• I can tell a huge difference in my real time brain function from last year's Doctor Strange watch to this year's. Still healing.

A little experiment weekend before this last showed I still have a lot of difficulty with audio processing in real time while juggling other things, so minecraft server live stream events are a great way to both assess and practice that. I was able to handle split screen and server chat, but unable to respond well to audio chat and at one point was utter fail at comprehension and following directions. I'm fortunate my compadres are exceptionally kind.

~~~~~~~~

I'm on my phone in bed now. I just noticed this blog has had over 600 views from 3 foot or bigger screens. You guys crack me up. Srsly, who even does that.

Can't let a screen that big go to waste now, can we? You can watch Benny while I go to sleep, lol.

I'm actually boring myself

About a week or so ago, Google changed the way you can access images in search. For years I've been able to get to cached image storage after websites went private or even deleted. That button is gone now. Sourcing images back to original original source technically no longer exists. This might seem irrelevant to some, but it's actually huge in a world of restricting access. It's not that big of a deal for me, since I mostly play with memes (and I try to give credit with link backs whenever possible), but for some people this means no longer being able to source original news photos that have gone viral. Something to think about.

Youtube opinion accounts are being shut down this last week, whether they are monetized or not, and at least one person has been interviewed by a major television news network citing the algorithm fallout already affecting his real life business so badly that he lost it. That was fast. Was I the only one to notice how fast that was? Anyway, the U.S. is being virtually cut off from search fields across medias, not out of malice, but out of opportunity. Hands are being tied as the FCC and internet regulations are allowing much bigger hands to insist on removing what gets in their ways. Facebook has been restricting feeds and posting capabilities for a couple of months, judging by the complaints I've seen, twitter went on a bot purge cleaning house (I wonder why they only picked Russian bots, because I'm really tired of purging the spam and porn and automated vitriol from the rest of the world, as well), and as accounts shift to new hosts hoping to survive, the web is shifting like a ship on a scary ocean. Well, at least for Americans. Funny thing is, I don't think most people are noticing. Unless you are following live news broadcasts and live feeds and noticing some things are literally being scrubbed back off the internet within the hour, you really have no idea. I've been on the webs since 1994 and have never seen anything like it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was last night. This is today.


I think I'm getting my life back. I coughed myself into a what feels like a neck sprain through all that flu and cold virus stuff back to back, and I made an appointment for next week to talk to someone about checking on possible herniated incision since it's still so soon after gallbladder removal (a little over 3 months, but 18-24 months for complete healing and incisions always remain weak spots), but that's what coughing does, right, it wrecks you up and makes you miserable and then it's such a relief when it's over. Hopefully it's just an acute fibro of the abdomen flare, and that's actually a real thing and sucks a bit.

• From Fibromyalgia and You- "It is a systemic disease that mainly affects the muscles, their attachments (tendons, ligaments) and coverings (fascia). Fibromyalgia may be considered as soft tissue rheumatism. Fibromyalgia may also affect many other parts of the body, including the stomach, bowels and female organs."

I am noticing, though, that even having only 2 contacts with anyone for any kind of hands on physical therapy since before Christmas, my pain levels are significantly lower and much more tolerable (a really nice side effect is my general anxiety being at an all time low), and I really think that's because removing the diseased/infected gallbladder was such a relief to my entire body that many systems are going back to a normal I wasn't aware could exist. Just living with that amount of localized inflammation must've taxed my poor body 24 hours a day for months and months, and now just having that gone is making a whole lot of difference how the rest of my challenges are able to be internally addressed. Even when I should probably think I'm feeling kind of miserable, I feel so much better than I used to. I still can't believe I breezed through the actual influenza B. Really hope the A misses me. There are people around the area who've tested positive for both at the same time, plus we had at least 2 separate cold/crud viruses circulating, as well. Got pretty crazy.

I feel like this is my most boring post ever, so I may as well share that my house is a wreck and I don't care because I finally got to sit and watch TV, and it felt gooooood. I almost never see much TV any more. I thought they did a nice episode with Carl, although it felt like Negan should've been interrupting them any second, so I was way more jumpy and anxious than I usually am watching Walking Dead. And then tonight I sat through Revenge of the Sith on TV even though I own it, and used the commercial breaks to get supper put away and coffee ready for tomorrow and my pajamas on and stuff like that. Bunny and her mama have been feeling so much better enough to run around with friends again, so it's been a bit blissful just being able to sit around and let my mind go blank.

Ok, now I'm super blank, so I'm going to bed.

caught with my claim flags down- *permed*

My braindeadedness today feels like deep fried calamari and side of coleslaw. I am choosing not to go full aspienado hard shutdown because I'm actually the least likely person to make the noise level worse. One is asleep because overnight job, another is staring at football, I am utterly drained of manna, and a 4 year old is prattling nonstop and remodeling my kitchen into a 'house' of 'pets' defined with an afghan spread on the floor as the rug, various containers and toys posing as pets in their beds, and at the moment the mailman is running around the house announcing "mail! mail!" and handing out quarters. I got 2 quarters, representing the most mail. I bet they're bills. I'm not inclined to check. I was up 19 hours (that's nearly 24) before my 5 hours of sleep last night, and I can't handle bills right now. I'm just thrilled that she's in a good mood and entertaining herself.

Irony is when twitter sends you a long email yesterday letting you know your account qualifies as an item in the U.S. Presidency-Russian scandal investigation and sending a happy little tweet today about it being your 5th anniversary on twitter. It's actually been longer, but I closed a couple other accounts further back. I think I go back to at least 2008 on twitter, technically.

Couple of quotes from that email include, oh what the heck, here's the whole thing. Notice it's from their legal department.

In which my freedom of speech violation is hinted at.

In which it is suggested that I am part of these malicious accounts.

In which I'm let known that people don't come to twitter to see ME.

I addressed this issue publicly over the weekend. This next shot clicks to twitter source, which in turn clicks to the post I wrote.

I handled that while I was vigorously multitasking- cooking breakfast for several people, handling chat help on an international game server, looking after a 4 year old, and getting ready to race out the door to an event.

I made friends with the wrong people. They are Russians. Twitter unites us around the world, and I've been friends with a number of people in a TV show fandom (international production) since 2005. We have a history that goes back across forums full of dates and timestamps. I am very publicly documented in google search in this fandom.

And now I am apparently a possible enemy of the state. Because I am friends with people on the other side of the ocean over a 20 year old TV show. Because I used a public international social media host to be friends with them. Because, of course, every American must now be investigated in this ridiculous scandal conspiracy if they are friends with Russians.

I don't know if other fandom representatives (I'm not official, but very obvious thanks to a lot of web presence) got emails like this. A lot of us on twitter are friends with worldwide fans of all kinds of TV shows. Stargate is a great example.

Heads up, America. It has begun, whatever 'it' is. The Big Brother thing that people have been freaked out over for decades. I really hope social media isn't about to flip into something very ugly.

#transparency- I didn't vote for any of the leading candidates. I voted for someone who had already withdrawn from the presidential race. I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone who is currently in office, and I am neither for nor against any of them. They run the country, I don't, and it's all the same to me.

I have legally documented multiple disabilities. I choose to stay busy with a fandom and a game server. Both are international. I have friends all over the world. I have been visited by well over 150 countries on my blogs since 2004. This has never been a problem before. I wonder why it's a problem now.

Facebook, Google, Twitter: How tech giants are involved in the Russia investigation

News about #russiagate on Twitter

Do social media threaten democracy?

This following is months old. I wonder how big that number is now. I mean, I've recently been included, so... who knows.

Twitter finds hundreds of accounts tied to Russian operatives

Going back to an old favorite.

brilliantly dodging Pinkyween fail

Here's proof that I still attempt a social life once in awhile outside of a minecraft server, lol. I'm going to link all these back to SyfyDesigns on general principal, but it was organized by @LisaMarieBowman from @LNMGang doing #LateNightMovie. You really have to be there, and I wish I were much more often. I miss this. If you want to check this movie out on youtube, you can link over from this tweet, and you should follow all of us on twitter while you're at it. 👍

I didn't get to watch anything like this growing up, and when I finally discovered it, I mashed it into my brain like candy. There's nothing funner than snarking old movies with friends.

Capillary disintegration is my mantra now.

At the beginning of the movie, the doctor told a patient he'd schedule an EKG the following day because she had hysterics, and of course she died, so I take it everyone with heart problems back in the day died waiting for EKGs and the cause of death would be hysterics. I can't let these things go.

It felt like watching a docudrama, really. I'm not quite sure how science was actually involved, but this is the gold standard.

Don't worry, Carol lives. I think we lost a few viewers between tech issues and noddings off.

I won't spoil the ending for you.

Trying to stay caught up on a couple TV shows and I have concerns-

• Two seasons ago Rick would have picked that random baby up and plowed zombies and eaten bullets, this season is like he's in meth withdrawal.
• Penguin is being a sucker and he's way too selfish for that and I'm cranky.
• Tosh, I swear I had no idea 19 shows piled up, you know I love you, right.
• I hope Luna Girl wins.
• What the crap ARE Shopkins, anyway? They seem to be taking over my house.

That's my current life in a nutshell. Well, besides jumping on the opportunity to deep clean while the kiddos ran off to see relatives and have lots of fun and shopping and stuff.

I'm probably in the wrong October

Can I have my brain back yet, please?

click for youtube tutorial

Making lists isn't helping. We're down to WYSIWYG menu planning. Thank goodness for frozen prepackaged meals. Pop them in and *bam*. Supper. And I can still say cool words like chicken cordon bleu.

I've decided to negotiate with terrorists (per last post) to partially clear my financial planning path for wild success through pre-trimming potential backlash. Since I'm still making substantial payments on other health care (medicare plans are like playing poker, you gotta keep putting chips in the pot), I'm trying to find enough scraping togethering to make a first payment over the phone and then establish monthly auto pays. I hope they're small enough not to need to borrow $$ from @bonenado. I have juggled a lotta stuff this year and dropped a few Xanga eggs. Hoping I can pick those back up eventually.

I knew it was Wednesday because I asked if I needed to get Bunny ready for church tonight. An hour later I was excited about Monday night football coming on. 15 minutes later I was all silly me, it's Thursday night football, ohcrapbettersetmylineup! Did that and then asked @bonenado if this is Wednesday because something didn't feel right.

In the meantime, I'm making an eyeball slam list for a marathon external hard drive clearing outing so I can keep moving emergency short notice tiny child programming off the DVR before our incoming Gotham/Flash/everythingelseunderthesun piles bump themselves right off the timers. (I can't believe I'm 2 years behind in Ancient Aliens, Curse of Oak Island, AND Doctor Who. I know, right?) OH, and another author has sent me preview copies of a book I've been waiting at least 15 years to read. The files piling up on flash drives from actors and authors letting me see stuff is becoming embarrassing, since I can't even keep up with my own reading list, much less get my own hard copy out there. I'm trying to think of a great dedication on at least one of the books in my lineup that profusely thanks a tiny child for existing in my life and blowing me light years off my course. Because that's what human history is all about, isn't it?


No idea what those extra graphics say. I wanted the music.

big worms

click for a tweet thread with pix

I couldn't take Disney Jr anymore and veered Bunny into Syfy last week. I had all the Tremors movies saved on DVR, and I was desperate to get my brain back. If you've ever woke up fresh out of bed with the Doc McStuffins theme or the hotdog song from Mickey Mouse stuck in your head, you know what I mean. I needed hardcore Syfy sustenance, stat! And bam, there was Tremors.

@TremorsGuide liked one of my tweets, so I found out there is an Unofficial Guide to Tremors, and that goes to a cool website with links to the book (and kindle) about behind the scenes. "A throwback to the kind of sci-fi B movies that had long gone out of fashion, Tremors was a box office flop that became a home video phenomenon, spawning multiple sequels and a short-lived TV series." Tremors is actually one of Syfy's best franchise hits. I've been public about being a Burt Gummer fan since 2008.

Tremors 6 comes out in 2018!!!! Tremors 6 Gets A Release Date- The original date got pushed back, so summer 2018. You can find announcements like this one on facebook (click the next pic) (remember that the date has changed since he posted this)

and follow Michael Gross on facebook and twitter for real time updates as he finds out himself.

And if you want more on the TV pilot... lol. Yes, another series, yay!!!

We love the 'big worm movies' in our house. People keep asking me what the big worm movies are that Bunny has been talking about this last week.

click pic for tweet
the tweet clicks to this article

I. Can't. Wait.


This is a fan post, with no compensation. I am a ~fan~. This is also posted at SyfyDesigns.com

Pinkyween commences

Trigger caution, graphic violence.

Random search surfing around youtube and this caught my eye. "Somebody once challenged me to make a Heroes music video to a song by Britney Spears and still make it seem badass." I had to watch it immediately.


And from there it was me and the headphones while Bunny tortured Papa after he got home from work.


I have missed so much live tweeting this year. I'm so torn.


I'm even regretting saying I was tired of so much TV last year.


Sorrynotsorry.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now it's later. Still wired on the pred, everyone else is in bed. It's so weird being pred-jacked during a crash off a long euphoric ep, even though it was semi-controlled.


Tomorrow is the big day.


I've had 8 years to think that all through. I've spent 8 years working on becoming more emotionally healthy and regaining back some of what I lost sinking into physical disability. I have worked very, very hard on not being selfish and being present in the moment for the people I love around me. I can honestly say I'm no longer hateful, but I have to honestly admit I'm still very angry, and I don't foresee ever not crashing through so many painful memories every time the first week of October rolls around.

I am quite jealous of people my age who still have both their parents. I feel very sad for people I know who lost both parents already at a younger age than I did. I can't imagine either scenario. All I can feel is jealousy, sadness, pain, and all kinds of anger.

Two years ago I wrote interpretations. My mom had absolutely no moral support raising an autism spectrum child in the middle of so much other stuff that she was dealing with. I am finally old and wise enough to see all that from the eyes of a peer instead of a child. I feel so bad for her sometimes looking back that I can't stand it, and I hide that I cry, like she used to hide that she cried. I can't go back and fix all the misunderstandings, and even if I could try, I would probably make it all worse somehow.

I spent most of my life in hard shutdown because I was very strictly not allowed to have meltdowns without what some people would now consider fairly severe consequences. I've spent the last ten years talking to a psychologist untangling so much mess, and that is very seriously only the tip of a very big iceberg.

If there is anything I can say to parents of autism spectrum kids, of any neuroatypical kids, it's please just love them. I've seen people treat dogs better than they treat their own children, and it breaks my heart. I've seen people treat strangers more kindly than they treat their children, and it shreds me. To judge anyone for something they cannot help, never asked for, and don't yet have the capacity to deal with is really harsh, especially when it turns into corporal punishment and very mean faces and words. Children on autism spectrum, especially, can be notorious for retaining hardcore highly detailed memory recordings for decades, and the behavior you exhibit might be either replayed or spelled out years later.

I'll be spelling mine out. I won't be doing it to be mean, but to be kind. Sometimes it's important to see how ugly something gets in order to veer away from it in future. And, honestly, I'm older now than a lot of the autism parents out there freaking out, and they really do need to know that giving birth to 'broken' children isn't the end of the world. We're all broken. Anyone who can punish a small child without any rescue or defense for simply being broken is broken themselves.

My mom was very broken, and I want to go back in time and scoop her up as a tiny child and rescue her. I'm very sad she never got to see me arrive to this point. One day I'll share a picture of her looking so sad as a small child that everyone will wonder what happened, and then the smiles in all the rest of the pictures after that will look different.

I drown in empathy. Don't let anyone ever tell you auties have no empathy. I had to turn mine off and get mean and cold to survive, but all the soft sad stuff is very intact and the recordings are all still there. I wasn't even five years old when I asked my mom why she was sad, and she never allowed me to ask her that again and never talked about it. Imagine what must have gone on inside of her to stuff that back in so hard and never let anyone see it. We saw her anger, yes. I've come to realize it was a privilege to see her sad. Not depressed, not fearful, not anxious, but sad. Why was it so important to hide the sad?

Dear autism parents- You have my full support. I was a difficult child, and once I realized I had power, I sometimes made it more difficult for my emotionally weak mother to function. We were quite a pair. I sabotaged her in very subtle ways, and she crumbled and did some very mean things back to me. By the time I was in high school our relationship was so broken that we never recovered from living without that parent/child bond. I felt unforgiven and she felt hated, because she didn't forgive me and I hated her.

Stuff like that is really simple to fix once you realize that's what's going on.

clicks to source
I'm borrowing it
a few people will get it

Bubba Guppy

click for more demotivational posters

I feel like I'm living a groundhog week or something. The deja vu is real, my Matrix is glitched, and the minutes and seconds, Best Beloved, feel like eternities. I've felt this before, kinda like I'm near the end of a strangled euphoric episode. The med control is really slight, the main goal is to keep me eating and sleeping regularly and so far I feel like it's been fairly controlled. I first mentioned this one on the fourth, so that's a pretty long euphoric ep. After spending nearly all of 2017 slowly crashing off pain meds and then switching a BP med, this month has felt like a huge relief and I think I'm overdoing and super wearing myself out. Fibro and euphoria are funny bedfellows.

And of course we're watching Bubble Guppies while the rest of the scifi world catches the new Star Trek series premier. I'm not bothered, just laughing because Bubble Guppies. I would never have known there was such a huge meme world going on out there on children's programming if I weren't living it myself.

But mostly I'm still just really tired. Guys- I TOOK A FOUR HOUR NAP TODAY. Well, I got only 3 hours last night, so that's not terribly unexpected, but I'm already ready for bed again and it's only 7:30. That's a good thing.

In the meantime, my fantasy team is a joke around my house. I benched Gronkowski because groin injury and big ol' orange notification saying he wouldn't be playing. He pulled in 18 points today. I'd take some comfort in Cooks' 44 points, but Mandie's team is over 100 points ahead of mine and there is no way I'll be catching up. I'm trying to feel horrified but I keep giggling at how much this is bothering @bonenado. He wants to get in there and fix my team so bad...

My internet has been so fantastically slow and on/off/on/off all weekend that I tossed Mo Creatures to the winds and played singleplayer. I couldn't even keep my realm pulled up for more than 2 minutes at a time, so trying to get on server would've been a waste of time. In singleplayer I'm not under any pressure to keep my player shop up, so I have felt exceptionally free to think through a few build basics, and like I pointed out, a real article appeared, so I wonder if backing away from my player shop would be good for me this fall, although it's been great for more brain building. I'm getting so good now at automatically organizing and remembering that I managed to pull 3 major autopays through my bank this month without getting into trouble overextending. That's a first. I usually nickel and dime it all out over the year, but this year has been one big thing after another, and it piled up. Well guess what. Player shop was good for braining and I fixed my real life stuff. MONEH.

click for fun pinterest stuff

Well, looky that. It's 8:15 and my whole family has already crashed into bed before me. I guess they're worn out, too.

I've been torturing myself with Sherlolly vids last couple weeks. Not sure what's up with that.


Ok, there should be a law against that kind of melancholy. Let's find something else.

free associating right off the blog

Don't click this. Ok, click it, but I won't be held responsible.

Well, it's just getting funnier and funnier. Even between the pinky porn searches and the 'blog like a pro' series pinterest board by other Pinky that continually peppers the search engines and sends AI content reapers my way like flies desperate to get rich on the bot maggots they bomb me nonstop with, Rick Lagina still wins grand prize hands down for sending me an interesting amount of very measurable traffic. Doesn't matter what, Rick Lagina death, Rick Lagina dies, Rick Lagina married, Rick Lagina sex... No one ever seems to get here wondering whether he actually found anything or what his net worth might be, it's always death and sex, in that order, the much larger percentage being death. I slack off and barely look over here at Pinky blog for a month, and Rick Lagina is just dripping off my referral walls like something in a bad Halloween movie. If I started writing Rick Lagina fanfic I'd probably go viral overnight. I could find ways to keep bringing him back to life and stuff.

Original photo is from this recap article

You know it's a fair bet that if I'm still running behind in Game of Thrones and my fave Friday night shows on Syfy, there's still no way I'm caught up with The Curse of Oak Island. I can't believe how often I've seen certain eps of PJ Masks, though. Where are the adult pajamas? I'm so brainwashed by now that I'm wanting the full coffee mug collection.

O. M. G. SOMEONE MADE COFFEE MUGS.

I probably had other stuff to say, but my mind is super blank. Well, it just goes super blank when I want to make words to share stuff, so maybe it's stuff best kept inside right now. How about a meander through youtube suggestions? This actually came up tippy top.


And from there it was all downhill, like the old days before minecraft.





New StrongBad vids!!! Here's the latest one from yesterday.


Wo, I find I suddenly have the TV. Bunny is gone...

gloriously idiotic

*holding breath* Has it stopped?

That regular 'heartbeat' you see at the beginning of the last 7 days, what I termed the Master's knocking, completely died out over the last 24 hours. This is the first time in MONTHS I have seen normal stats, i.e. real people coming and going. Several posts on the auto hitting scored well over 1500 hits apiece (one wound up over 2000, but I think part of that was actual traffic from a special interest group), and I am still so calloused from seeing fake traffic that I can barely believe real people actually hit them, but I see once in awhile that they really do. Also must've gotten picked up on someone's content curator on the 1st, that spike the other day was a surprise post from the past that had nothing to do with the auto hitting, and surges continued through the day to one particular post. Since actual posting had gone completely dead during that time, I can't take any personal credit for that at all, so thank you to whoever.

I'm doing my best not to fall into the "I'm missing Syfy's  Sharknado Week with the Snarkalecs live tweeting" abyss, but last night I dove into the #ToxicShark feed for a few minutes and absolutely loved it. I miss that so bad. Sharknado 5: Global Swarming airs this coming Sunday night, and I. WILL. BE. THERE. I still think the Sharknado franchise is the most brilliant all-inclusive contract collection ever conceived. Check out Sharknado: Know Your Meme.


Meanwhile, not quite keeping up live with GoT and several other shows, catching up when we can.

I've gotta mention that I finally caught a possible Stan Lee nod on Doc McStuffins. In one particular special hour-long episode titled Welcome to McStuffinsville, we learn that Grandma shares in Doc's secret and gives her a 'toysponder' disguised as a bandaid that transports them to a world of toys, and Doc is promoted to head of the toy world hospital. Along the way, there is a broken toy named Stanley who plots to break lots of toys in order to make new friends that will have to hang out with him. At one point a giant magnet is turned on, entrapping toys containing metal, and Stuffy turns to him saying, "Not cool at all! Stanley, you don't have to do this!", and Stanley replies, "I do, Stuffy. I do." I've seen that ep a few times because it's in Bunny's top ten, and today I happened to be looking away from the screen when that line came through, and I heard it- "Stan Lee, you don't have to do this!" and immediately flashed back on all the cool evil villain scenes, and everything about Stanley clicked perfectly into Stan Lee's superhero wisdom and how villains originate. The scene was absolutely perfect, and if you're a Marvel fan, just *wow*. I loved it. Oh, look, I found it on youtube. See if you think it sounds like Stuffy says "Stan Lee" at that spot, about a minute into this.


My brain is on Hyper Active right now, so I'm slinging thru some new uploads.


And some old ones.


Those of you who envisioned me sitting here buried in youtube, I've jumped up from this chair 8 times since I started this post, and paused each of the vids at least 5 times. Live blogging. I'm not sure how Sunday evening will go, but I've announced to my family that I'll be camped in the livingroom with my tech rolling thru live tweet feeds that will not stop for anything, and I imagine I provoked every Loki in the multiverse just saying that. That means any and all of the following list could happen during my attempt to focus on something I enjoy for 2 hours straight-

• death (srsly, how many times has someone in my vicinity DIED {or nearly died} right after I actually announced something, and y'all know I've got the blogs to prove it)
• dismemberment (hey, if a chainsaw accident can happen within an eighth mile of me on Father's Day, anything can happen)
• epic natural disaster (how many times has Missouri flooded this year?)
• epic tech fail (I will be risking a 4 year old {and other adults} walking by with liquids that hopefully have tightly sealed lids on them)
• epic facepalm (drama never stops, and if ANYONE jolts my family into sadness in the middle of my joy {looking at YOU, ex idiot}, I will def make you famous)
• various and sundry odds and ends just simply going wrong, because that's what the cosmos DOES

During that list I completely stopped for something else and then got up 2 more times. Start placing your bets on whether I actually get to live tweet Sharknado 5. 😁

I need to make Sunday a party day. I'll hafta think of some fun food.

I'm thinking chocolate pie with an ocean meringue. I may not get much more creative than that if I keep sidetracking into other stuff.

Most of all, I miss live tweeting my fave TV doctor who, by the way, actually has a medical degree. Wild veer down a youtube path there. See ya.

your shoes don't lie

My fave shows this year so far are Gotham, Killjoys, Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Dark Matter, and The Flash in that order. I'm really burned out on Blindspot, just can't follow Tom beyond The Blacklist (sorry Tom, love ya, pal), and can't even pretend to care about a whole list of shows @bonenado sticks with. I'm loving the new 25th anniversary SyFy logo thing and can't wait for live Comic Con coverage starting tonight and Sharknado 5: Global Swarming in the queue.

Our brains feel rent and the entertainment industry happily fills the rend with a yin & yang that filter into the torn bits. It's pretty much action hero vs the apocalypse. For the less aware there are dance musicals, love dramas, and family sitcoms.

From How to Tell Whether You've Got Angst, Ennui, or Weltschmerz

Weltschmerz, German for “world pain,” was also coined during the Romantic Era and is in many ways the German version of ennui. It describes a world weariness felt from a perceived mismatch between the ideal image of how the world should be with how it really is. In German philosophy it was distinguished from pessimism, the idea that there is more bad than good in the world, because while pessimism was the logical conclusion of cool, rational philosophical pondering, weltschmerz was an emotional response. Though weltschmerz and ennui are pretty close synonyms, ennui foregrounds the listlessness brought on by world weariness (it can also be a term for more simple boredom), and weltschmerz foregrounds the pain or sadness. There is perhaps a greater sense of yearning in weltschmerz (part of the pain is that the sufferer really wants the world to be otherwise). Also, as an English word, weltschmerz is not as common as ennui, so there are fewer connotations about the type of person that comes down with it. Its very German sound (that “schm”!) makes it seem more serious and grim than ennui.

Do you have sadness in your heart for the world that can never be and sensible shoes? You’ve got weltschmerz.

I've been saying for years that we live in a golden age for world entertainment. I don't believe a time will ever come again in human history like the time we live in now. By that I mean human expression is at an all-time freedom, and I don't expect it to last in a politically fragile world. That makes the weltschmerz all the more precious to me in expressions like this.


Lyrics from JpopAsia

*Pandora's glass bottle, Helena's magic mirror
the stars in the sky, the eyes on Earth
no one will ever understand the true meaning (about life)
lost in the enchanted forest, the prince foolishly awakes
the bewitching era, the angelic mood
who shall grab hold of your palm (to lead you to safety)

open your eyes and recognize the confusion in this mortal world
naiveness is but a lie, promises are but regrets
so why not let me kiss your neck (like a vampire)
and take away the blood/life which you do no need within you

# chorus
dear prince, dont be afraid
I shall convey to you satans loving message
the devil has opened one eye, anyway
God has closed one eye, anyway
no one shall want to change this world
dear prince, dont cry anymore
from now on you wont feel lonely
no feeling, no sensation, just enjoy this disillusionment

repeat * #

then you shall have no more hope
then you shall not be hurt anymore
then you shall gain the power
life is but a dark fairytale

Credit:www.chinesemusicblog.com[edit]Last edit by BrokenDoll on Wednesday 23 Dec, 2009 at 12:42 +100%[/edit]

use commandeer and cartoony in a title about avoidance behaviors #amwriting

Started yesterday afternoon.

click for good times

Ok, back to real life. The last 6 or so weeks of uber stress feels like it's settling into a wonderful mundane routine again, and I hope I didn't just jinx it because that's usually how the next wild ride starts, with me noting how delicious boredom feels.

Go, click and get lost. I did.

I'm not really bored, far from it, but I'm thankfully not feeling frustrated, which I think was spiked by meds. One thing I talked about with psyche guy this month was how roller coasting through this year's nerve pain meds seemed to break open my depersonalization/dissonance, which I suppose could be a natural side effect, but when a person is already gear switching as a coping method, enhancing it isn't necessarily a good thing. Anyway, I know I've been overstating a lot lately, but soooo glad I'm off the baclofen and the withdrawal is finally over.

Well... Lambie (Doc McStuffins) singing in the background while I write this makes me feel a bit on the crazy side, so I'm trying to ignore it. Settling my brain into the toddler brain pool has its perks, but trying to brain real life with that kind of background going is maddeningly distracting.

I nearly didn't come back from this click.

Bunny is in the other room asking for a cell phone for her birthday. She's going to be 4... Pretty sure she'd be a twitter tycoon in no time.

K, I was gone for half an hour that time. Good luck.

I know, right? Game of Thrones marathon getting the world pumped up for the new season tonight and we're watching tiny tot toons. And my internet keeps browning out, so it's killing game time. Got all the laundry done, though. Oh wait, I hear Toy Story 3. *runs off*

And the internet promptly died. Now it's today.

I may as well accept that I'm probably not going to be on board the live tweet train for awhile, possibly the rest of the year. I tried getting on twitter last night and the GoT onslaught was brutal so I just shut it all off. I remember the year I completely missed the very last season of TNG because life and kids, pre-DVR and even pre-satellite option for 2 channels at once in the same house. Years passed before I ever saw the rest of TNG.

Today is my 6 month equipment check for CPAP, so it's kinda like Christmas. I've gotta get to town so I can pick up all kinds of goodies. I'm being a very good girl and playing the compliance game correctly, so insurance is still paying for everything. I just have to keep my scores 70% or higher. I was doing better with hitting 80s more often but the baclofen withdrawal really threw me. Now I'm having to retrain my sleep again.

Last night's dreams were pure stress about getting the book out. So many people were in my dream, like a huge extended family (but mostly people I had no clue I was even related to), and we were all under a time crunch to get to an airport. I was handed my tickets and told the plan 2 hours before take-off, and I was trying to get a shower and get packed and people milling around this huge house and all my stuff kept getting scattered and one of the really older ones got in a car for a drive with a neighbor but left a note on an acorn (??? I probably follow too many squirrels on twitter), and the last thing I remember was one main guy who kinda looked like Michael Douglas in his younger days kept fussing at me about something, and when he finally laid on the floor blocking a door I needed to get through and all I had was a towel, a camel casually walking up the hall stopped and shat all over him and his nice suit, and I woke up laughing.

I reeeeeally wanna get that book out in the next 6 weeks. I'm hoping to have it organized enough to bypass the editor and go straight to publish, which means hard copy will be available around the world in a week flat, and it'll be up to me to get the big push going while they're available.

I wanna curl up in a bathtub full of coffee and melted chocolate and hide on a minecraft server.

This song has been stuck in my head for 2 days straight.

1000th post

I searched 'pinky turbo 1000'. The internet did not disappoint.

I had a visit earlier today from enjoyingthejourney, much appreciated even though I don't know if that was the blog owner or someone just coming from there. I check out referrals, and some of them have good stuff. This one has a recent post called An Open Secret: Documentary on Hollywood Pedophelia featuring this vid (clicks to IMDB), about an hour and a half long. I generally don't sit through long vids, but I did that one because Corey Feldman cameo'd in it. (Took a few breaks, though.) I mention The Two Coreys in older blog posts at Spaz and Surveypalooza, so this is something I've been aware of for awhile.

Anyway, the last 10 minutes are so powerful, I'm going to quote some of the things people said in it.

"The dream is so important. You know why? Because if you live in this earth, you have to feel something, and the dream makes you feel things. And that's what the power of a dream is, you know? A dream is life."

Evan Henzi: "It's a hard process to go through, the whole court thing, the whole police stuff, but in the long run it's so worth it, because in the long run it really isn't about how long this person will serve time in prison, or getting justice, revenge, and all that. It's more a kind of being able to express yourself and say Look, this happened to me, and I'm going to move on from it, and I'm not going to hide this in my head the rest of my life. And I'm going to maybe possibly learn to make a difference to somebody else by speaking out about it."

Corey Feldman on The View: "I'm saying there are people that were the people that did this to both me and Corey (Haim) that are still working, they're still out there, and they're some of the richest most powerful people in this business. And they do not want me saying what I'm saying right now."
Response from Barbara Walters: "You're damaging an entire industry." wtf, Barbara... 😡😢 (Corey Haim Died Broke & Alone, Says Corey Feldman)

Caroline Heldman: "Ultimately I think that viewers are the only group of power in this situation, because I think that there will always be a steady stream of kids who wanna be famous, of parents who push their children. And this industry, it's interesting how we will go and pay money and support a system which sexualizes children or puts them in situations in films where they're around adults who are engaging in inappropriate things. We would never do that for our own children."

Here is the original song at the end of that documentary.



Ok, some of you guys know how I feel about all this junk, and that even a very well done documentary about the Hollywood child actor sex ring doesn't make me blink. In the documentary they say this is the tip of a very big iceberg. Well, how about that is actually the tiny tip of a very local iceberg that has worldwide connections and commerce. If you've been paying attention to entertainment at all going back to our parents and grandparents, this has always existed. (And seriously, this goes back through human history, this is nothing new at all.) There are people and even families in our first world country who actually have kids to sell them, and this covers every religion, every political camp, every background and point of view. Children are commodities. I'll go so far as to say that hand picked/placed police, judicial, and medical personnel all help keep this network running very smoothly, case in point, how many people in Hollywood have access to so many prescriptions to use on other people. And no, I don't say this because I watch too much conspiracy drama on TV.

Until humans decide that it sucks for everyone to keep paying for commodities made out of other humans who are stripped of all their rights, threatened regularly with punishment or death if they don't cooperate or keep secrets, and drugged to be controlled, then none of this will change. And anti-sex people aren't off the hook. As long as militant religions can burn their wives and daughters for kindnesses to strangers, this world will never know peace. As long as people can mutilate their children and force them through rituals that break them down into obedient robots in the names of belief systems, there will be no 'faith in humanity restored'.

Before I forget, I'd like to challenge older adults in entertainment who made such a big deal stepping up for religion and politics to actually start helping these younger actors with the finger pointing. Pretty sure some of you have been groomed yourselves, even the super straight ones who are so careful not to rock more of the boat than you absolutely have to while you're rocking it on politics and religion.

I've had a long, crabby week, so it's fitting that my thousandth post be especially crabby. I'm really ticked at Barbara for responding like that.

I need distraction.

someone else's suckage

Dear person in France using a Firefox browser in Windows- It's getting a little excessive. I hope you're ok. If you need to shoot me a private message, no one sees comments until approved, and I can leave it in pending so it will stay private. I don't know what else to say except that whatever is going on feels like some kind of weird morse code and maybe you're ready for that step out from lurking.

So, huge weekend in progress in the U.S., and my crew is all over getting food ready for a great big cookout next door. In case a few of you have missed the hints, my father-in-law (retired veteran, 15 year cancer survivor) is on hospice at home because the cancer is back with a vengeance.

@bonenado had a free evening last night, so we started plowing through a stack of The 100 that had piled up in the DVR. We're up to the part where Clarke finally cried over a very bad decision and still kept making the bad decision anyway. Wait, wot... The 100 isn't very different from The Walking Dead, all the same vehicle accidents in all the right spots kind of thing, the constant flip flopping and side taking, the facepalming and regrouping. Mostly, though, it's just a whole lotta mud. I think Octavia looks awesome in mud. She's the new face of warrior princess, and wouldn't we love to see her go up against Xena, amIright. Srsly, tho, I think 2 eps and we'll be caught up. Jasper's death scene was fantastically done, btw, very wrenching and beautiful and tragic. Loved it. Other top fave character developments include Raven and John Murphy, and I could go on for miles about supporting cast being awesome. And some of  you know how I feel about 'shadow govt' kind of stuff, which was nicely handled earlier in the series.
How ‘The 100’ has facilitated important conversations about free will and rape culture

Moving on, allergies are horrible here because 3 1/2 weeks of rain has turned Mirkwood and the surrounding Shire into a jungle, mowers galore mulching it all up into the thick humid air for us all to inhale, our lungs are full of green slime, our ears are stopped up, our sinuses are gunked, @bonenado is covered in poison ivy, and isn't it all beautiful out there. All y'alls living on concrete promoting planet luv need to understand this space ball is poisonous and vindictive and will take us all down in the end with a satisfied burp. We're only hurting ourselves with all our lawn care products. I keep voting for rock gardens, but noooo....

This is a prolific monster copperhead year, too. "Copperhead snakes are some of the more commonly seen North American snakes. They're also the most likely to bite, although their venom is relatively mild, and their bites are rarely fatal for humans." What they don't mention is one bite on a finger can swell your entire arm up to your shoulder and you'll be in a lot of pain and feel super gross for days, and some people even get delirious, so 'rarely fatal' doesn't mean it doesn't mess you up. People like to run around barefoot, and like so many, I've actually stepped on one barefoot (and have worn shoes outside ever since), but thankfully I jumped so high so fast and scared the snake so badly that neither one of us were harmed. I've known people who wound up on crutches for several days, and it's pretty miserable for pain. Also please note that 'rare' doesn't mean 'never' concerning fatalities, plus there's just as much risk from infection or other disease like salmonella from point of contact, so take a snake bite seriously.

How ironic that this comment just came in on my youtube chicken eats a snake, talk about live blogging.

I may not block and don't always delete, but I vigorously report abusive interaction because there's no excuse for poor behavior.

That person can't see all my notifications.

True, I can't see theirs either, and it's not a contest at any rate, but at least my twitter account is active and thriving and my websites actually work and that youtube has nearly 6000 views, so SanityGamingUK can suck it, but you're welcome for the web traffic you're about to get... that you can't see because your stuff is so shut down...

I think I've gotten up 50 times during this post to do stuff with Bunny. Maybe I should stop here and move on with my day, lotta busy stuff going on.





~later~ And this is why I normally don't engage. It was a garter snake, and someone just wants to fight. Fine, reported and blocked. You guys know chickens very naturally eat anything that moves, right? Frogs, lizards, mice... They crave nutrients just like the rest of the world does, and skeletons are full of calcium. We live on a hostile planet, get a grip with the hatefest, and bring some intelligence to the game. Live and be well.

Being public is a challenge, and not because of this kind of stuff. This is nothing. I've had much nastier things said to me and thrown at me than this. The challenge is realizing that the person on the other side is using internet to displace onto, and that either comes from a toxic environment or an emotionally sideswiped person having trubbas dealing with something irl. Hostility is a symptom, and reacting with more hostility doesn't help anything, doesn't prove anyone right, doesn't make a winner out of either side. If SanityGamingUK has dead and closed accounts all over the place, one can only wonder why, how much suckage is going on in real life, and the hugs this person might need. Been there.

Baby Barry probs

Reeling through TV this week-

GOTHAM
Penguin- YOLO, right?
Jim- Illuminati, buddy, watch your back.
Bruce- *falling to his knees like Doctor Strange* Teach me!
Evil Bruce- Wait, I thought *I*...
Ivy- *calmly composting bodies into her breakfast cereal*
Harvey Bullock- can't facepalm any harder than that man over and over and over
Barbara- dem shooz, gurl!
Butch- YOLO (oopsie)

THE FLASH
*Cecile untangling the whole mess of info dumping into her lap*- Y'all know this could be solved real quick if you'd just go knock off Baby Barry...
*Killer Frost upon discovering the plans to knock off Baby Barry*- I'ma go tell Savitar on youz guyz
Iris- Gimme a minute... *weighs Barry mess against having Eddie back, her family safe, and getting to live*
Vibe and HR- Sorry buddy, we couldn't argue with that.

Doc McStuffins
Pickles- I'm in a yard sale!
The gang- We'll save you by sewing on a green button for your nose!
Pickles- Yay, I'm saved!

That's about it, I haven't seen much more than that so far this week.

I made a Thunderbird monument on a red sandstone plateau in Mo Creatures though. Yes, a copy from Kai's realm world. Real diamond, gold, and redstone blocks mostly all mined from scratch. I finally got tired of waiting and bought the last 3 or 4 blocks' worth.

I've got this cd. This music played in my mind the whole time I was making that.

cool kids

clicks to article source

Totes rockin a bad hair day like Leo, knowing I'm a super cool badass under it all. I have looked like this ever since physical therapy this morning. That one really white straight hair in his beard is making me crazy.

Bunny is just like her mama, super hyper insomniac. My edge in my older age is I don't have enough energy to care and even think it's kinda funny. The 'wait till you have a kid' curse is spot on. Getting to see it live cracks me up.

Against all conscious bracing against caving to this level of shallow thinking, I'm mentally developing lists of awesome and stupid kids' shows, complete with their own pros and cons. PJ Masks is pure brainwash. One show and you're actually repeating lines around the house and thinking about cool new pajamas, and basically it's just a really simple psychology establishing bad guys (other kids) and all the ways we have to fix the problems those kids create. I give it 2 thumbs down, an obvious first step into linear thinking that progresses throughout life into party affiliations and blame games. The problem solving isn't much different from black and white thinking camouflaged into colorful adrenaline filled action scenes. Contrast that to Little Einsteins, the absolutely most annoying cartoon on the planet, and it's actually growing on me. Bunny is only 3 and already hums and sings along to classical snippets, totally gets the music instructions, and easily follows a real story. The bad guy is usually a jet instead of another human, and while I don't really understand why, it's a relief to get away from the whole bad guy motif because some human is being a monster that we must fix. The creepiest show is The Hive (uber 'normal' twisted into adorable bugs is creepy, guys), and I love it, to my surprise. I'm not a bug fan, every character in that show is some kind of bug. My fave is the wasp kid. Charlie Brown needed a wasp kid in his life. The Hive is like a British sounding Peanuts kind of soap style series (but also with adult bugs) on the opposite of steroids. That is the calmest children's show I've ever seen, and my brain thanks all the creators and voice actors and Netflix and everyone else involved in that show.

I know, right, I'm missing all the CW shows. I've been digging up rants and raves on youtube and web reviews, and pretty much Felicity floating to the top is irking me like crazy. Of course I've missed the entire last couple of weeks of #allthethings, although I'm somewhat staying caught up with The Flash. Barry can screw the timeline all he wants (you gotta admit Iris did a really nice future death scene and that it really coming to pass would crank the live tweet ranting up into outer space), but I can't wrap my head around Felicity masked and then killed off so fast. I'm just

click for more gifs

Also, something is going on with our electric, several times this week we've abruptly lost power, couple nights ago was 3 times in a row after we went to bed, which rather sucked for getting a child to sleep (you know how those backup batteries have to announce in really loud voices that the power is out and you're now on backup supply? yeah, that, and it does NOT help that suddenly there is a strange voice in the inky darkness), and today, especially all afternoon and evening long, the brownouts have been so bad every other minute or so that I can barely use internet at all because the router keeps getting interrupted, even if the other appliances are able to continue. Big storms the other night musta done something, and I finally just abandoned myself on a sheer mountainside on a multiplayer server, and I'll just hafta hope I don't get killed immediately tomorrow and lose all my cool gear that I worked so hard to get leveled up with enchantments when I finally log back on.

First world problems, huh?

I can't decide what vid to go out on. Hang on, we'll change it up tonight. Readers who don't follow on twitter really don't have a clue about a my girl crushes, and Felicity is right at the top.