All Jon had to do was 'like' that tweet and my impressions just kept churning up little by little over the day and night. People wanna see what Jon likes.
His timeline isn't for the faint-hearted. He mocks. Without constraint.
I'm not in any kind of brain shape to blog more yet. Well, I am, I could, but that would take more commitment than I want to handle right now. This is a big Bunny week while school is out, and we're rockin it. Already have the Christmas tree down and the huge dollhouse moved upstairs and getting all over the after-partay laundries and fridge dredging and kitchen reorganizing. I basically stomp Christmas back down to the depths it reared up from and get ready to hang on for that crazy new-year-taxes-and-everything-coming-due-ride in a couple of weeks. Stuff like car tags, insurance stuffs, new payments starting kind of thing.
"Although toads, shrews, and mice may feed on JB adults or larvae, they have not been noted as an important factor in beetle control. Invertebrate Predators. Spiders, praying mantids, robber flies and soldier bugs have little effect on adult JB populations." From Japanese Beetle: The Continuing Struggle to Achieve Successful Biological Control
Guess what question popped into my head first thing waking up... +_=
Aside from this being the Asian Beetle Christmas of 2017, this month is flying by me so fast I'm barely cognizant of time passing at all. True to the blur flying around me, some of these might be a bit blurry.
Flat refusal to see Santa for the, what, third time? But very thrilled to pose with this coyote. PINKY APPROVES. Mama might make her go back, lol...
The last game of the season was my first to see, and I laughed so hard the entire game. I have got to make it to the next set of games in 2018. Watching tiny people mimic playing sports is the coolest thing since the puppy superbowl.
And of course this big grin is worth all the gold.
I haven't been keeping up very well with my Batman. I can't even begin to describe how hard this year has been on me watching them going through everything from Harvey to other really big stuff and feeling very helpless to be useful at all from this distance. Someone likes getting to sit in the front seat with Mom while they wait for school to open.
It's kind of the thing to medicate high energy kids into more submissive behavior. We don't medicate for neurodiversity in this house. It's draining, but there is no way we're squelching this amount of happy joy. One of the secrets of happy is simply being able to constantly move, at least for this one. Her mama was the same way. Some people naturally sit quietly (I'm one of those), some people naturally burst forth and conquer. This one is a direct descendent from Daniel Boone's brother. Imagine if the Boone clan had been the type to sit quietly. Half of the U.S. would never have been settled, lol.
I think we're all going down, might be having a sickie Christmas. Got the achy all over chest stuff coming on. Bunny sounds awful. Crossing my toes I don't get this.
Here are the holidays, yay! I'm on that holiday slide, keeping my arms and legs tucked in at all times while the blur goes by me in loops and gut wrenching drops, and somehow I'm still coherently available when needed. I'm otherwise wondering how nearly 2 weeks just went by me when September took a-EV-er, as Bunny says.
One of the things that saves holidays for many of us is all the new coming out. New toys, new gadgets, new movies. Lotta new. We need all this new before the Big Sad comes after the holidays, and suddenly it's taxes and payments and failing resolutions and a whole other year to watch deflate.
Some of us don't get into all that. I keep my inner world pretty flat. I watch people all around me go through bipolar swings that make my actual real diagnosed derp look like fluffball pancakes. I could have said rainbows and kittens, but I'm hungry, so you get pancakes. Anyway, holidays kinda do that, mass seasonal mood swings and most of us are in some kind of tandem.
Name it. Sports has Superbowl coming, and then March Madness. Entertainment has a slew of awards shows lining up after all the new movies come out for holidays. Mass inebriation, mass misdirection, mass brainlock, anything to keep us going. Some of us tune out (or never tune in), but many of us are locked into step on the medias, talking about the same things, kinda doing the same things, going through the ups and downs together.
Some of us in the background see all the things. We already know how to hang on. We sleuth through the days, lurk through the nights. We find all the things we ever wanted to know about players, celebrities, people we talk to on the medias. We're really good at digging up every stray word, picture, thought about whatever our obsession is.
My obsession is NOT Benedict. He's just a diversion. For me or for you, some of you wonder. lol
Superfans make a lot of what we find on the webs possible. They rabidly collect and sometimes channel for other fans. They tend to share what they love with the whole world. They are there with content in the long dark nights when no one else is up and you can't sleep. They give google and flipboard stuff to hand to you in search bars. They light up the night with stuff.
I am one of the superfans. True, I don't stir up content like I should on a more often basis, but I stick out the most in my fandom. Other superfans in other fandoms and I keep little eyes on each other. We watch each other's obsessions, we admire from afar, we notice details. Sometimes we lurk each other, possibly even casually bump into one another briefly somewhere. We're careful not to overstate our presence to one another, but we know each other knows we know they know we know, you know?
If you are having a hard time through holidays and very much need something new, possibly a very distracting distraction, I hang out on the Mo Creatures minecraft multiplayer server. I am Yablo there, and I like to build stuff and collect a few cool pets. It keeps me sane, it keeps my mind moving, and it keeps me interacting. You can be anonymous there and go kill crazy badass mobs, or peacefully fly around on a manticore enjoying your mod pack. You can say Hi, Yablo, and I'll say hello =).
Holidays are hard. Zone time is hard to find sometimes. Minecraft saves me from the pit of despair, the swamp of sadness, and the bog of eternal stench. If you are stuck in brainlock and need an escape, come find me. Let's play.
you get far enough down 'thanksgiving walking dead meme' in google search, you forget why you were even there
I got lost in that search last night before I caved and went to bed. I think I'd go to sleep faster with a brain chip letting me mindlessly cruise nonsense.
So last week today I was 203 pounds and super calm before surgery. Within 24 hours I'd zoomed up to 215 on IV fluids and whatever my body started hoarding because it must've thought I'd been attacked by ice picks and had a piece of me stolen slick as slick. That was a little alarming so I looked it up, guess it's common to do that with surgeries, basically just take good care of yourself and let the fluids sort themselves back out. Today I am down to 206, which is fantastic compared to some people in the med forums, and apparently means my kidneys are in great shape chugging it out, yay! And that is why you wanna take care of your kidneys, people.
Another thing I learned, since I'm not a surgery queen and usually stick to the more mundane whiny chronic stuff, is that an ileum is about the last thing to come out of the whole knocked out stupor, and everything trying to leave ahead of it is like the worst traffic pileup you ever saw. I wasn't given after care instructions on anything diet or digestive except start slow and eat what I want. By day 4 I was becoming an expert on looking all the things up, and after all the stuff I've read from every point of view imaginable, it really doesn't matter a hill of beans what you eat and you should always have a bottle of milk of magnesia on hand anyway. Softeners and hydrating didn't work at all, moving around more while slacking off on pain meds backfired into every conceivable regret, all the correct food in the world can't make a difference if it's at the back of the line, and probably the only thing I'll do next time I have surgery is stick to clear fluids the last 12 hours or something. At any rate, we're all very happy now. If you've got a friend or family member going through surgery and don't know what to do for them, trust me, a bottle of milk of magnesia is pretty wonderful and will make you the hero.
And then of course, I just started typing in whatever question popped into my head into the search bar. How long do my incisions hurt after gallbladder surgery? Hundreds, maybe even thousands of people had asked the same thing. Some people hurt for weeks when they sneeze or move wrong or sit too long, so grain of salt, I'm keeping in mind that I got stabbed by ice picks and there are lots of little nerve endings in skin and the tissues underneath because being able to feel stabs kept our ancestors alive longer and they probably fought back, ducked and dodged, or ran for cover while I was knocked unconscious and purposely stabbed under some big lights. That stab memory will probably always be there locked in the tissues now, and it'll just become part of my overall nerve pain disorder if it becomes bothersome. Other people yapping about weeks later sneezing took a big load off my mind. It's easy to imagine the worst when someone else pokes a hole in you.
And I got to thinking, it's funny that people will let their gallbladders go defcon and become emergencies while they ignore them, but then fret over ever little sensation while they heal after surgery. Humans are weird.
Bottom line, if you're not taking good care of yourself before the surgeries start rolling in, don't expect to heal on demand kind of thing. And the opposite is true, too, ran into a lot of people getting back to their workouts too quickly and winding up back in surgeries to fix rips in what wasn't done healing yet. Y'all need to chill. Just because you think your body should such and such in your mind doesn't mean you're the boss of reality. Just because people are going back to work in 3 days or a week doesn't mean everything super healed super fast and you're a chump because you can't live up to a rumor standard. As far as I can tell, it all sucks, we all suffer, and it all takes time.
When I was in ER earlier this year, hanging out for a few hours in the waiting room, there was a guy dripping blood down his arm who had managed to elude everyone and went straight to the public coffee cart. I was mind numb with pain in a wheelchair after an ambulance ride, still waiting to get triaged, everyone around me pulling back from this guy and I'm parked right there. I just smiled and said You need to keep pressure on that. I mean, crazy or not, I'm probably crazier, so who cares. He got bashful trying to cover the blood dripping and getting coffee at the same time, evidently priorities are a problem in his brain, and he said he pulled his IV out. I laughed and said It's not like TV is it? I did that once, ripped it out in a bathroom, blood everywhere like the zombie apocalypse. And then everyone around us started relaxing and people finally found the guy and got him to the police desk to get his arm bandaged, and someone else cleaned up. I cleaned in hospital one year, I had no problem with that blood. I am OSHA trained and cleaned stat contagion many times all over the hospital. I was also the only one who talked to that man like a human being. The rest was just funny to me, but I thought that part was sad.
Around Thanksgiving, Americans make big deals about going to homeless shelters and feeding people. There were plenty of people in need around me in that hospital waiting room. One woman was clearly homeless but very organized. She had a travel case with wheels and a couple old pillows tucked into the pull out handle. Everything she needed was in that bag, including a book. I take a bug out bag with me nearly everywhere I go, too. I feel safer when I have all my little comforts with me if I wind up stuck some place waiting for something, like having my car worked on. When pre-triage came out to get her vitals, she clearly stated she was there because it hurt to pee, and apparently knew how to get help about it, was probably the best behaved person in the whole waiting room because she knew how to stay out of trouble. Conveniently, it was also better than being outside in the cold. I'm sure she knows every public area open through the night all over town. On my own really bad days when I can't stand being alone, I take my bug out bag and go hang out at the library or the hospital, some place big where I can move around a bit and still have facilities and people around me. I used to hang out at the airport when I was younger. I don't think I'm alone doing that. I think a lot of people hang out all over town like that. Some people go shopping and don't realize they're using the excuse to be doing something when they really just want to not be alone. When I retailed, there were customers who knew the store better than we did.
If you don't know what to do with yourself or your life and you want to be helpful, go hang out at a hospital on a holiday. Just move around from one waiting area to another, check out the coffee shops and gift shops, notice the families camping out around births and deaths and horrible accidents and cancers and stuff. And then go check out the opportunities board and ask about volunteer positions. Volunteers are awesome in big buildings. They train you to help move patients in wheelchairs after check in, or answer questions at a desk, or other stuff. A lot of places have volunteer programs. You don't have to just do it on holidays and twiddle your thumbs the rest of the year.
This meme cracks me up because I saw someone actually do this on a minecraft server, just purposely dump a lot of leveled up diamond armor and weapons into a deep ocean after a bad day. Sometimes you let go of the material stuff and just enjoy the game.
click for diamond memes
I've got Bunny tomorrow while her mama works, and Papa's work is having an employee cookout, so I think me and Bunny are going to try making shortbread cookies. I'm stuck with gluten free flour and no xantham gum, and it hit me that shortbread might be the ticket. There are no eggs or leavening, just 3 basic ingredients, and from there I can add gingerbread spices or melt chocolate chips into butter or whatever, and we can do cut outs and colored pinwheels, and I also found a shortbread spritz, so we can get the cookie press out, too. I haven't had a real cookie day from scratch in a long time, and I think tomorrow will be a really good day for that.
I've also been getting my own Turkey Day menu assembled, getting that cooked up today so I'll be out of the way tomorrow. I'm making cornish hens with homemade herbed biscuit and cornbread stuffing (yes, all gluten free, super allergic to wheat), a mashed tato and steamed broccoli. I'm going to record Macy's parade on Thursday in case Bunny misses the balloons, because she's high energy and will probably be too excited to be that patient. I stopped my pain pills so I could save one for tomorrow and one for Turkey Day, so today I'm having a little bit of a withdrawal headache, but I'll be ok. Me and opioids probably go back through several lifetimes, I'm pure addict on those, and have mentioned my love for vicoden in the past outweighing my love for anything and anybody else. If you know someone who has quit drinking or doing drugs/meds over the holidays, please be kind and gentle with them. They won't be feeling well because it's a real bitch dealing through that thick haze of suck, and it takes awhile to get through it. I still crave every single day and it's been at least 25 years since I quite drinking and smoking, plus here I am back on an opioid for surgery and doing low dose xanax this year staying mood stable (I check in regularly with both psychologist and psychiatrist). Holidays are very stressful. If you're stressed out, then you know the person in withdrawal is very stressed out, too. Not the best time to talk politics and religion. If you can't just enjoy your family over a nice meal, maybe make other plans that are healthier for your mental and emotional function.
Sorry so wordy, this might be my last chance to hang out on Pinky blog for awhile. Not sure how the rest of the week is going to go.
Love you guys. All my people. You know who you are. 💕
There's a room I keep in my head where it's always this. No matter what else is going on in real life, this is tucked away from the first time I heard it many years ago, and every time I play it back in my head I think about all the people I've met (both online and real life) and how glad I am I got to know them.
I'm the sort of person who took a very long time to figure out I actually had friends whether I realized it or not, and I usually didn't because I'm such an aspienado pinhead. I spent years autopsying every relationship I went through until I finally started noticing that I'm the dork who takes dolls apart and sets them on fire. If you translate this to people, I do it while they're still alive and trying to be friends with me. I'm sure it's been a little odd at times.
The comments on that vid are delightful, btw.
I'm pretty sure this is how they greet you in Hell.
This is the one song that will be burned into my mind until the day I die.
I love this, subtly alluding to the children being lured to their planned deaths.
I remember the first time I saw this movie I laughed like a madman at this part and my mom was so concerned
1:03 a reference to laughing in ''I am the walrus''
Is it me or do the instrumentals for this song sound similar to the Silver Shamrock song from Halloween 3? They're by no means identical but for some reason that's where my mind went during this scene.-Me too.
Anyway, I'm coming off a week of coasting through brain fragments on happy pills, and I can't help noticing how much I deeply care about all my people lately. I struggled for years, some of you saw that happening on twitter and this blog, and it's like this year my junk finally settled into place and now I kinda get it all now. I get me. I get that I'm a roller coaster slinging around other people's heads and I'm the one who looks blurry, not you guys.
Context relies on experience over time. I have 5 years under my belt now, my glitchy head is getting more reliable, I'm remembering better who everyone is and where they're from and what their situations are, and most of all, I'm managing to organize this info into my memory closet in real time nowadays. I have these friends here, those friends there, we like to do this and that, and it makes a nice little spreadsheet of activities I can look forward to each week. So much of that was a mixed up blur for so long, even at the beginning of this very year I could still barely keep names and locations straight, much less other kinds of stuff that makes hanging out better. I remember when I thought Penny was another child, kind of a private joke going back a bit. But yeah, it's like years ago asking people in real life at work or down the street about something they said and they look at me weird because they didn't realize they left me dangling assuming I understood, when my brain was naturally concocting more interesting stories about their lives behind their backs just to fill in missing info. One person was shocked when I asked whether her daughter was her husband's daughter too, or someone else's. I get very hung up on pronouns and names not being used interchangeably to denote shared relationships because hey, autism, so little things kinda made me the weird friend people wound up tiptoeing away from eventually. I have no problem accepting that everyone's got some level of hash slinging slasher in their past, so it's up to you guys to make sure I'm not running off perpetuating myths of some kind.
Well, ok, except for Mike Bilinski. He might really be some kind of *cough*interesting*cough*or something, so always keep your spatula handy.
Now that I've explained myself, I feel more comfortable asking these questions about some of my sketchier friends-
Does Kurt keep *ahem* guests tied to, wait, I mean locked in, no wait, I mean on an extended visit plan, yeah that's it.
Is Phil one of those retired dudes who runs a barside pool party? Because I wanna be where he is.
I'm kinda getting the feeling Jinni knows where all the good dumpsters are for body emergencies, and always packing cute little cookies and a thermos in case the nights get long.
I find it comforting that Lisa could be part of the mass brain training entertainment wave before aliens really do take over and recreate our society without a Vermont. Except I'll miss Cabot seriously sharp cheddar cheese. I wonder if she knows Benedict Cumberbatch. Pretty sure he's one of them.
Are Chris and Tammy siblings? Cousins? Secret agents spying on us?
Is Cindy in league with the Martians??? 😲
So in a few days it's a huge holiday in the U.S. and nearly everyone will be busy or comatose on the feasting, so before y'all hit the highways, I just wanna say be safe. This has been a challenging and sad year for a few of us already, so pleasepleaseplease stay safe. 💟💖💗 Especially you fun grillmeisters trying out turkey frying equipment for the first time. Show me some purty turkeys on facebook, not big lumpy bandages or something. Get those turkeys thawing! Do NOT toss a frozen bird into a deep fryer!!!! Yes, I feel like I have to say that. This year has been a little too ripe for facepalm. 🦃
Crazy weekend smashing junk around but I think we're making it. I seem to be past the worst of pain med withdrawal, got a little unreal for awhile earlier today. I can't express enough how serious a problem that is for people like me who spend like 2 chronic spoonie decades surviving med addictions and withdrawals, especially after meds have impacted organs. My liver has been the star of my medical history for about 15 years, more notations have been made on it than anything else in my body, and I'm not even a drinker.
I planned the tree getting set up this weekend way ahead of time, so I got that on track this morning when I was able and Papa was awesome with Bunny getting it up. It's the old easy tree, prelit and only 3 pieces to put together, and Bunny is big enough to do the decorating herself now. We can keep adding colorful candy canes and tinsel as we get closer to Santa. We've come a long way from the winter an undecorated tree sat there for several weeks through the entire holiday while Bunny's mama was in another hospital across the state for complications, same surgery I just had. That was 11 years ago.
I think Bunny just had her 3rd basketball game this weekend. Heard she tackled a little boy to keep him from getting the ball, lol. 😁 Has made a few baskets here and there, so she's getting the hang of it.
I'm barely aware of time flow, being so medicated, but ran across a couple of difficulties others are having. Brianne's family lost their home and everything they had this week to a fire while they were out of town. If readers know her from the #Snarkalecs or other groups on twitter and facebook and are wondering what to do for a holiday charity, there you go right there. I don't know if she'll be available for DMs like where to send gift cards, and I'm still waiting on a link for a fund page, but don't let me being goofy on meds after surgery stop you from being awesome, ok? And if I get more info I'll come back and link it here. Ok, here is thefund page. I've known Brianne for several years, huge Stargate fan, loves teaching, had the coolest Stargate wedding on live facebook and her kids were part of it, thought it was pretty special that she included her media friends in that. She's a bright light in this world, so like I said, if you're looking for a charity, she's needing our help right now. 💕
I'm still floaty but I think I can hang in there for #latenightmovie tonight in the chat room at SyfyDesigns with @LNMGang around 11ish pm eastern time. 🍿
I didn't make this, but I screened this pic.
Click the pic to go to server news update post with much better pix.
Clearing out my calendar this month as I get ready for the tuck and roll. Kinda feels unreal.
Aaaaaaaaaaand the Christmas decor is already up, lol.
I'm already making room for a couple of trees in my house. Papa's Vikings tree will be in the livingroom by the TV. Bunny's kid tree will be in the dining area bay window by the kitchen.
Speaking of football, total facepalm last night. Around 7:30 p.m. @bonenado goes "You didn't set your team, did you?", which screeched me to a frozen halt. I should have been on that, what *looks at invisible watch*, 3 days ago??? I mean, I'm on a fairly solid losing streak anyway, so maybe it wouldn't be too bad, right? So I asked how bad it was and he said I had 6 guys on byes. ##SUPERFACEPALM Ok, so maybe I just look negligent. I asked who I was playing this week, and he said Tony. I. about. died. My first thought was Oh no, it's going to look like Pinky Robot threw the game on purpose to the boss because #internetcrushhistory, and @bonenado said Yep, totally.
Facepalm.
So I have absolutely no dignity this morning. Just drinking my coffee sideways through facepalm.
*sigh*
Now puns are spinning through my head. I really dropped the ball on that one. Etc.
BUT I'm all caught up with Shannara Chronicles, The Flash, Gotham, Walking Dead, Dirk Gently, South Park, and I'm sorry, Tosh, I made an executive decision and decided that I just can't be the superfan any more. I have seen everything digital Tosh has done up to something like 16 shows ago, but something's gotta give, and my timer is loading up with PJ Masks kind of thing. It was a good run. We'll always have the show with all those people doing an exercise machine marathon, and the show where you dressed up like a Ken doll for the human Barbie. *weeping* I've gotta stop before I lose it and go get that timer back.
My only plans today are to keep the ringer on my phone on so I'll get scheduling calls, chip away at some more of the piles in my room while I do the daily dishes and laundry, menu plan some kind of supper, and rip another mesa down in Mo Creatures before resource gets reset. I expanded my player shop into colored and glazed terracottas this fall and I am slamming through clays like you wouldn't believe, on top of smelting chestloads of glass blocks and restocking ALL THE WOOD PRODUCTS. I'm a machine. I should take a little time and sell some more farm harvest, kinda blew about $300,000 this weekend on player shops and coal restock, and currently talking to someone about purchasing a flying bigcat, so I need to pump back up to my $2M before I blow it back down too far.
I'm not done yet.
I've still got things to do.
There's always a reason to go on. I just noticed the time on this. Kinda like that other time. Seems to happen a lot around here.
Making myself sit down and take a break. The surgeon pushed a magic button yesterday when I went in for consult and musta gooshed a little stone loose or something, because the pain level is dissipating and my energy level is coming back up. I'm cured! 😂 lol Seriously, though, I'm a long way from cured, so I need to not be stupid. Caught myself zipping around and up and down the stairs doing #allthethings, and @bonenado commanded me to SHTAP. He knows me well.
So this month has been rearranged, got the Bunny stuff onto a better track so I can stop, drop, and roll with whatever comes next. Mostly waiting on phone calls arranging new meetups right now. So far I will be scheduling two different procedures, the second is an actual surgery, the first could turn into a separate one if they find anything, and there is mention of something else completely unrelated down the road. When I hold back the dam, I HOLD BACK THE DAM. Well, the dam is busting, and now we're slamming through finding all the holes because I'm such a stubborn idjit that I'm sorely tempting a Darwin Award. I'm the one always saying we live in the golden age of information, and here I am leading the way off a cliff, wheeee. #goodone
That other thing still not yet in the queue doesn't necessarily cause any pain and can be very sneaky, so maybe I'm fortunate other stuff is blowing up so we're accidentally seeing that, too. Managing Incidental Findings on Abdominal and Pelvic CT and MRI
Whole list of articles there. This is probably a common thing because people are so bad to put off actually getting real tests done.
Anyway, I'm actually feeling a little better today, which is sweet since the last couple of weeks have been pretty miserable, so I'm organizing some thoughts for a very laid back holiday season this year. Turkey Day will be simple on my end. I love Macy's parade, I'll probably be logged into Mo Creatures minecraft server hanging out, and I'll have a few nibblies around because that is just second nature. I've been cooking since I was 7 and I've cooked professionally, so as long as other people do the heavy lifting and follow instructions, it'll be delicious. (Barring complications complicating things up, of course.) And after that, I'm usually the one at home texting with Black Friday shoppers, so I'll be chill anyway. I've done the frenzy, it's fun to a point (especially on the retail and service industry side, I've worked through at least 8 Black Fridays or more in some capacity, 5 years of it retail), but it's also cool being the chill one sitting back laughing, so all good here.
And then after that, with December always being the crazy part of the year when schools and work places are doing parades and games and parties and stuff, I will still be chill and keep the ball rolling smoothly in the background. I'm really good at that, it's my comfort zone, and hopefully I will continue to heal and get even healthier while festivities roll around me. I'm already enjoying all the pretty colors coming out everywhere.
But yeah, @bonenado was right, sitting here I'm starting to feel it again, so I was pushing it. Bad me! I'm not good for anyone if I'm stupid. Stop that! Time to chill. I've had this list for awhile, but I just added it to my playlist page.
That reminds me, I'm so far behind in real life, I'm making a nonlisted playlist to catch up on the latest SNews, sticking it here so I'll see it and come back to it when I have free moments.
And if I get some rest today, I might be able to stay up for #latenightmovie with @LNMGang again tonight. 🍿
click pic for more
I'm actually trying to get the lamediamond hoe advancementonmo creatures "Serious dedication- Completely use up a diamond hoe, and then reevaluate your life choices"
"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings-- And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings."
You can read the entire poem at The Walrus and The Carpenter, which is by Lewis Carroll, from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872.
There are a number of literary interpretations, which I don't really care about and have nothing to do with today, but that quote popped into my head after a long night of forever-going-nowhere dreams about stacking black and white terracotta blocks in my stomach and going in never ending circles trying to find my car on a huge college campus and deciding I needed to let a class go before I failed another.
One of the biggest walls my medical team has run into with me is I genuinely don't know how to rest. I've been commanded a number of times to stop doing things, stop powering through, stop everything and just rest. And I'm supposed to do this on a regular basis anyway since I'm super spoonie, and I'm so used to feeling awful that I just keep going in my own very restricted way.
I grew up working pretty hard. I still got in some play time and grew into a prolific reader, but I wasn't the kind of kid who could lay around for it's own sake unless I was reading or guarding the livingroom stereo so no one would change the record. I'm compulsive even on my worst days, and it's all I can do to be 'lazy'. That was a big word growing up, and a nasty word as an adult, especially coming at me sideways during a couple of really bad spoonie years. I try to rest my body by keeping my mind busy on other things, and I've developed quite an obsession with powering through minecraft server salvage and remarket, despite having pretty cool plans for a few builds. Even in my sleep, now that I'm finally actually sleeping, I'm extremely busy in all my dreams.
Part of not resting properly is the underlying prompt to pass for normal. I want to be useful and available, and that means pretending to be able to keep up. Pretending means I hide how miserable I might really be feeling or how hard getting through the day and keeping up might be for me. Pretending means blowing off red flags popping up left and right and dancing around the distractions like minor bothers are bothersome and I don't want to be bothered kind of thing.
I had gotten to a place where I was doing pretty good. Last year was actually pretty good. I was exercising regularly, getting function back along damaged nerve pathways, controlling pain levels with good sleep, nutrition, and real rest. Because I thought I was doing so well, I jumped a little more into holidays, and by January 2017 I was hitching an ambulance ride one day over a pain in my abdomen. My main concern was that I could feel my heartbeat in a very precise spot deep inside my belly, and every time it started thumping hard and fast in there I would get breathless and super fatigued. Naturally, they immediately jumped on ruling out cardiac and a variety of abdominal emergencies, including aneurysm. I've been bad to blow off abdominal pain since I've lived with it my entire life (my childhood was miserable, part of my adulthood was worse), so once I saw I was cleared of anything immediately life threatening, especially aneurysm, I blew the rest off. Yes, I saw a notation on the CT about something I didn't understand, and yes, I blew off follow up with my doctor.
So for the last 9 months I've been blowing off worsening pain coming and going. I'm already very familiar with a number of abdominal issues and had already learned to control a lot of it, and I kept thinking, Ok, this is all familiar, it's nothing, just keep going. And I got through some pretty rough nights without telling anyone and pulled through some really hard days not telling anyone because I want to be available and useful and I'm in a position to be very helpful every single day. After years of full disability, do you know how good that feels?
October went over the top, and I still kept hiding it. I kept telling myself that awful throbbing pulse inside my belly wasn't an aneurysm, and that the hard pain moving around was probably just some kind of flare up, disregarding the fact that autoimmune flares in organs are extremely serious. I toyed around with not eating and taking breaks and other little things that didn't seem to make any difference but helped me just enough to keep faking it. I was able to fake it right up to my girls leaving for a visit with relatives, and within hours I was back in the ER because the weird rose up and spooked me and I was free to collapse into that state of uselessness for a few days if I needed to.
I know nothing yet, except that the tests and consultations are coming like rapid fire after nearly being admitted. All the years I've had so many problems and even a heart surgery, I've never been admitted. So I'm at home dealing with some quite remarkable pain and fatigue and hoping this doesn't escalate into emergency surgeries during test events or biopsies coming back with really bad news.
A lot of people have told me over the years that I'm strong and I'm brave. I keep replying back that I'm stubborn and brazenly stupid. I'm very lucky is what I am. I have the kind of mental and cognitive problems that enable me to survive hard stuff without crumbling into self destruction (a plus for neurodiversity and mental illness, guys), and the kind of personal physical and emotional history that has blunted me to pain and self recrimination, so of course I 'look' strong and brave. I'm surviving. Survivors do what they have to do to keep surviving.
It's very possible that I may not have any time for wallowing or guilt over this next month, and it's possible the only way to survive what's coming is to let a lot of stuff go and focus harder than I've ever focused. I accepted long ago that any day could be my last and I've felt lucky for decades that I'm still here. I have my mood swings, of course, but underneath it all, I know I've been very fortunate to still be HERE, saying things and loving people.
When I was on Xanga, I used to answer the featured question once in awhile. On September 23, 2008 I answered If you got a terminal disease what would you do? That might not be viewable on mobile, so I'll copy it here.
We're *all* terminal in the end. I'm a 'slow' terminal. I've already lost a niece who was born terminal but lived to 20, in spite of all medical odds. So define terminal here. I was diagnosed 20 years ago, I'm lucky I'm still alive, and I get up and face every day with progressing neurological deficit and severe pain througout my body. So someone is asking, what would I do if I found out I'm terminal. Well, if a doctor told YOU that you would be completely crippled and blind in less than 20 years if you were *lucky* and didn't go into organ failure first, what would YOU do? I went to college and got my degree. I went on to grad school. I raised a child as a single parent and then remarried and helped raise another child. Every day I prayed that I would live long enough to see my children grown up. Every day I did laundry, made meals, and somehow made it through my day. Recently, just this last winter, I faced that I might die from liver involvement. But here I am, I'm still doing laundry and making meals. Slowly, with lots of rest. What did I do? I faced it and kept LIVING. I didn't ask 'why me?', because statistically, why not me? Everybody's got something, right? I didn't blame God, I didn't hate my body, I didn't go on big campaigns to fundraise for a cure for my disease. What did Stephen Hawking do? He helped flip the world of physics upside down. And dang, he's still alive, too. Some of us just won't die. Being diagnosed with a terminal disease isn't a license to feel sorry for yourself. It's not a 'get out of responsibility' card that says you are now free to smoke and drink and do whatever you want to your poor body. It's not a sign over your head that says you get to go to the front of the line or a free meal. In fact, being diagnosed with a terminal disease is a sure bet that all your friends will fade away because they don't know how to deal with it, and that you won't be able to keep up with the fun stuff any more. So you take a good long look at your life, you learn everything you can about medications and nutrition and how your body works, you have a long talk with God, and you get real with the people around you. If anyone out there has recently been diagnosed with something scary, bless your heart, but take a deep breath and face it. Have a good cry, have another good cry, and keep moving ahead. Say the things you need to say to your friends and family, on a blog, whatever, and get that safety net around you. Communicate with your medical team, talk to a counselor, and don't be afraid to ask friends and family for favors, and tell them thank you. Oddly, for those on the brink and about to step over (I've seen this a few times), some feel the need to reassure the ones they leave behind it's ok, even though inside they are scared out of their wits. They can walk up to the bridge with you, but you step out alone. I think that's what we fear most, unless we're so sick that we're glad it's finally over. Live your lives. 'Terminal' doesn't mean you're done yet.
Everyone who has known me online in some way has met this person inside of me, whether you knew it or not. I don't always talk about my stuff. I might bring it up a lot if I'm processing through something, but I don't let it eat me up. Life is way too short to sink into the quagmire of everything sux. Yes, stuff sux, but I don't want people to say *I* suck. I know I suck sometimes, I'm human, but honestly, I don't like myself when I suck, and I try not to be like that, even if my day, my week, my month, and even my year has super sucked.
I don't have to pretend for anyone. There is no 'have to'. I chose to pretend for a little while because I so loved having a useful place with people I love. But I'm stepping back now, and telling them to go on without me, like I have been doing my whole life in this house. I am part of the background, and I choose to let go of being in the foreground so that I can stay here and keep watching my people. I'm still here, still lurking, even in my own house I am the lurker. I see the stuff other people get to do, I live vicariously, and I feel very grateful I got to be here this long to see it.
Yes, I have regrets, but they're the kind that involve not having enough money to see other people and do things I want, and going there turns my soul black and makes me forget the lucky parts, so I refuse to dwell. Yeah, I feel sorry for myself for a few minutes and get a tear here or there, but I've learned from hard experience not to follow that trail through my mind because once I wind up in the Swamp of Sadness, I drag other people into the sticky mire with me and we all get stuck in yuck. There's no sense in that, it goes nowhere and solves nothing.
So I smash my brain into this kind of stuff. 54 days till Christmas, guys.
I'll share more when I know more. In the meantime, pure distraction. I gotta love all the things and all my people while I still can. 💝
Making lists isn't helping. We're down to WYSIWYG menu planning. Thank goodness for frozen prepackaged meals. Pop them in and *bam*. Supper. And I can still say cool words like chicken cordon bleu.
I've decided to negotiate with terrorists (per last post) to partially clear my financial planning path for wild success through pre-trimming potential backlash. Since I'm still making substantial payments on other health care (medicare plans are like playing poker, you gotta keep putting chips in the pot), I'm trying to find enough scraping togethering to make a first payment over the phone and then establish monthly auto pays. I hope they're small enough not to need to borrow $$ from @bonenado. I have juggled a lotta stuff this year and dropped a few Xanga eggs. Hoping I can pick those back up eventually.
I knew it was Wednesday because I asked if I needed to get Bunny ready for church tonight. An hour later I was excited about Monday night football coming on. 15 minutes later I was all silly me, it's Thursday night football, ohcrapbettersetmylineup! Did that and then asked @bonenado if this is Wednesday because something didn't feel right.
In the meantime, I'm making an eyeball slam list for a marathon external hard drive clearing outing so I can keep moving emergency short notice tiny child programming off the DVR before our incoming Gotham/Flash/everythingelseunderthesun piles bump themselves right off the timers. (I can't believe I'm 2 years behind in Ancient Aliens, Curse of Oak Island, AND Doctor Who. I know, right?) OH, and another author has sent me preview copies of a book I've been waiting at least 15 years to read. The files piling up on flash drives from actors and authors letting me see stuff is becoming embarrassing, since I can't even keep up with my own reading list, much less get my own hard copy out there. I'm trying to think of a great dedication on at least one of the books in my lineup that profusely thanks a tiny child for existing in my life and blowing me light years off my course. Because that's what human history is all about, isn't it?
No idea what those extra graphics say. I wanted the music.
Today is fun. @bonenado and I have accidentally sabotaged each other so many times already today that nothing is making sense any more, but as always, I loomed and plugged my Borg Queen control in and brought order to chaos.
It started last night. He didn't tell me he started a mega download for a new Tom-Tom so he could avoid my crabbiness at having my game server rug pulled out from under my stress load. Yes, he didn't say a word while I spent 20 minutes trying to execute a single command after game load and relog over and over after kick off and finally gave up. His computer was on all night long, monitor off so I wouldn't be the wiser, and power button blocked so I wouldn't see it glowing in the dark. No biggie, right? So I got up first this morning, wrangled for about 30 minutes trying to get on server, finally just pushed the router reset... Yes, it completely killed that download less than an hour to completion, never to recover.
Couple hours later all the info finally came together as super fail facepalm set in all around. I'm feeling extraordinarily vengeful but staying cool and collected while everything else keeps going wrong all morning, like Bunny abruptly throwing her little ADHD body into a gymnastic contortion and kicking a little cup of snotty cold medicine all over the bedding and my fresh clean clothes in a fine sticky syrupy spray. Like such a tiny amount of that stuff instantly stickified everything in a 2 foot radius, including, somehow, the bottom of my sock. Fun, had to strip the bed and change clothes and she'd barely been up 10 minutes.
Between her snotty cold and her meds, @bonenado's shingles, oncoming snotty cold (thanx, Bunny) and his meds, and my continual monitoring of 5 things happening all at once without rhyme or reason, and retracking #allthethings into one thing after another, like linear time should be, on top of my own stuff (I can feel that snotty cold virus starting up in my left cheekbone, ug), my left eye is twitching like I've been locked in a sanitarium dungeon with spiders on me.
Example. After 20 minutes of Bunny and Papa playing on her scooter and her falling splat into a dead lizard on the road and coming into to wash up, I got her focused onto a Halloween card (colors, stickers) while I set up to make apple pie, which she could help with, because Papa really needed a break. Poor Papa didn't get a clue and tried to divert her from me to a TV show so I can catch a break while I 'work', and during a 5 minute pie assembly Bunny diverted into 3 different things while I was trying to keep her focused on pie, and finally the Borg Queen stomped Papa flat with DO NOT TELL HER TO BRUSH HER TEETH RIGHT NOW. I mean, how did that even come up???
I've said before that I married into a family that reminds me of being thronged by little yappy dogs. Everything is spontaneously moment to moment, often without any thread of visible logic, and every day is a delightful detangling and reordering. But I'm really good at it, and sometimes it's just plain funny, and then there is pie. Pie fixes everything.
The P is for Papa, and Bunny picked the Halloween sprinkles. My house smells lovely like apples and cinnamon, so it's ok if the pie looks weird.
We are screaming down the holiday slide, and I won't be a bit surprised if I find myself flipped off to the side in a daze while the rest of the holidays sling around me in a colorful blur. I'm going to stay home and destress on the game server while Papa goes with Bunny and Mama to a punkin farm this afternoon. I'll chop virtual punkins and rake in more dough (currenly over $2M) while they go get a real punkin and do a corn maze and a bouncy house and stuff.
click to get lost in the strangest pinterest cross-stream search ever
bcuz google said this pic goes to that pic for some reason
The Cassini Grand Finale was kind of like a TV series finale, wasn't it? Years with characters and a storyline, and then it's just over.
I wish Spaceman Spiff was a TV series...
So the really biggie this month was the flip off atenolol to metaprolol. Unless you're on long term meds, you probably don't realize this is a very sucky thing. Current and Resolved Drug Shortages and Discontinuations Reported to the FDA Fortunately for me, this slide over to another med actually made my life a little better, and a couple of long standing issues seem to be resolving. Atenolol is known for cold hands and feet and poor circulation, and may have exacerbated the nerve pain in one of my feet badly enough to making walking difficult. Three weeks on metaprolol seems to be relieving that issue. X-rays reconfirmed degenerative arthritis at L5S1, very common spot where nerve trunk compression causes all kinds of referred pain down the legs (hip joint and foot x-rays are fine), and since I've already been through all my physical therapy options, the best I can do is stay mobile and do the good nutrition, hydration, exercise, and sleep thing so my body will be in top shape to get through the possible shots and surgeries that come next as I get older and this possibly gets worse. It's vital that my foot be able to handle walking as long as possible, and my blood pressure pill change, of all things, seems to be helping that. Who'd a thunk.
The next really biggie this month was completing the 12 visit atlas-axis correction therapy with my chiropractor. X-ray confirmed old whiplash healed wonky and was right there on all the trigeminal and cranial neuralgia. I spent ten years working slowly up to this spot because the pain was so bad for so many years that I could no longer tolerate medications and couldn't handle conventional therapeutic hands on. Short story, I still have issues because all that scar tissue is still healing, BUT getting through focusing on this one spot for a month definitely made this year's stalled out feeling go away. My neck glide from side to side is improved (I couldn't even turn my head left 5 years ago) and I've gained in my control over pain flares. My jaw pain is nearly gone at the moment, and the pressure at the base of my skull that kamikaze'd me through two med fails this year has eased off, thank goodness.
Overall big picture, I'm still saying I'm running to keep up. This wasn't even possible 5 years ago. This year I am keeping up with a real time 3-way schedule- @bonenado's work hours, Bunny's school hours, and her mama's work hours, and I'm able to keep my balance and actually help them keep theirs. I am able to consistently be a positive function with the meals and clean up around here while they do what they need to do to keep everything going, and I'm enjoying my family. That's the really important thing. Just 5 months ago I was having a difficult time with that part because pain and meds.
We'll see how the holiday slide goes this year. This is the time of year I get all my holiday stuff lined up because by the end of October I'm usually so aspienado shutdown that I can't function, so I duck into a hole and let it all gloss over me while I look at the pretty lights. Got my chicken stock (recipe with pix if you want to try it) done up yesterday for the freezer, so the Thanksgiving prep has begun.
Got this bad boy for Christmas from a 3 year old who loves to count coins and say 'poopbutt' over and over because apparently it gets on people's nerves. Yes, evil villain child in the making. That's right, it's a poop bank. We will put all our money in poop, get all our money back out of poop, and generally say 'poop' a lot while we count coins. We will have fond memories in years to come. This clicks to a shopping link if it compulsively calls to you, too. Good luck, I see they are out of stock. Every 3 year old in the nation must have gotten one for someone they love.
Twitter exploded in multiple directions last night, like a giant glitter bomb, and now the countdown is on to the first person to utter curses on 2017 for the first 2017 celeb death. Y'all realize this is never going to stop, right? The only cure is to stop all entertainment right now. NO MORE CELEBRITIES. Just outlaw them altogether before they get to Benedict. I can't help wondering how much pressure is on William Shatner now. I remember, long before twitter, when anti-fans used to say he needed to die already. Make up your minds, people, and dang it, Shat is the coolest raspberry at death ever, so I hope he's around a good long time just to be irritating. It's like Groovy Bruce says-
All y'alls in return lines today, ever consider donating those clothes and other useful items to homeless shelters and drop off bins? Just a thought.
I think I have a few free hours to recover a little from post Christmas shock, so I'm going to hit the couch a few times in between little chores. The holiday slide isn't over yet...
There was a time when we travelled all alone Through the depths of infinity as dust Eventually our molecules formed a stone As we gratified our restless wanderlust We're floating in our memory Through time and space untethered Time travellers in disguise May we trip forever In silence - we drift with endeavour In silence - we're in this together We fought to find a place to feel as one To fill the vacuum with more than emptiness With many more of us we built a glowing sun To light our path into the endlessness We're floating in our memory Through time and space untethered Time travellers in disguise May we trip forever In silence - we drift with endeavour In silence - we're in this together We formed so many shapes in a million years Yet we are the lost No lighthouse in the spheres We're floating in our memory Through time and space untethered Time travellers in disguise May we trip forever In silence - we drift with endeavour In silence - we're in this together In silence - we're in this together
This holiday slide is on the brink of cascade event. Halfway to Christmas and no more days off. Yesterday was it.
I'm depending on Bradley now. He pops up once in awhile and makes sure I get through stuff, as people used to see on twitter going back to January 2013. I'm locking up in aspienado shutdown, and probably won't be managing anything full brained until sometime in January.
Today is physical therapy and groceries and hopefully counting down to another wonderful Christmas this year.
This vid is the heart of why I'm back out. Those tiny handful of you who saw all this begin and are still here- so much love. Just so much.
I dreamed the other night that someone gently kissed me and told me to keep going. I won't say who, but it was extremely significant because it's not someone I'd ever have thought of on purpose, but definitely someone significant. I think I was being told to turn back to my original direction, the one direction that has always held true for me.
I have wanted to quit so. many. times.
I love words. I love the internet. I love all the neat little quirks and creative ways of people I find.
I also love solitude and quiet. I love being very deep in my head, lost in worlds I can't explain or describe.
I'm pure bachelor. I can live on eggs and nachos for weeks and never miss television while I work on stuff.
And I am a driving force that can't be still and let the world ferment without blasting holes wherever I go.
I think I know now why I'm always sad at Christmas. I moved away from my best friend during 9th grade over Christmas holiday, and I've already shared the rest. I guess stuff just sticks in the back of a person's mind forever, until decades later it resurfaces. Explains quite a bit, though. I didn't get to say goodbye to her on the last day of school. A gang of girls was chasing me (I went to a school where getting beat up was real, kids would wind up in hospitals) because a foster sister was telling everyone my family kicked her out (the state wouldn't let us take her with us, and we didn't know that until the money part of getting a new house was done), and the ONLY reason I wasn't beaten to a bloody pulp the last day of school before Christmas was because I dove onto the bus. I thought I was going to miss it because I was running around buildings dodging people, so by the time I got a seat, I was so frustrated at missing meeting my best friend in the whole world for a last goodbye. I never told anyone. That was about the saddest moment I ever had in my childhood.
Kind of loling at the medias, watching people saying f* it on cue. They don't remember doing it the same time every year. Holidays wear us out, the slump afterward leaves us disillusioned and upset, and it's like watching some kind of weird mating season, all the twitters and facebooks start spouting off like a nationwide chorus of frogs in a pond.
We're not alone, guys. I've been saying it sucks for years. YEARS. I think I just notice and remember more.
K, so anyway, I've worked really hard for 4 1/2 years on platform, stats, content, presence, all that pre-launch stuff, and between going in multiple directions (which was FUN, I truly do love trying new things) and being a little too available (a real challenge for aspienado), I've lost my direction and now I'm spinning circles not really going anywhere, just holding a position. I need to break out of a cycle I keep reverting back to.
I rethought several things. Pinky Press Review really does need to go. It's neither part of the original plan, nor is it necessary to curate other content with my name on it. It does very little to enhance anything I've already set up, and I'm paying out of pocket for it, so I really do need to let it go. I'm glad I learned what I did from it.
Statcounter is definitely going bye-bye. Favstar, Jib-Jab, maybe even my post office box. I only got that for my Klout goodies, and I don't go after those any more. I prepaid the old LittleLexx forum up 5 years, but if nothing changes on it in the meantime and I can't get into it to fix it myself, I'm just going to let that go in 5 years, too.
The dotcoms stay. Pinky blog is getting really overloaded, but it all still works pretty good. I think the internal blogger counter is broken, because total views on some posts don't match actual views in the post list, stuff like that. I don't even care any more. Blogger isn't terribly transparent with how their tracking works, so I have no clue what they think they're actually counting.
I'm taking December off. I'll still blog and tweet, but I want to divert away from overdrive. I'll still be public and people will still be able to contact me, but I've gotta take a break from checking #ALLTHETHINGS. I'm more than a little obsessive with it, and because of that I'm too aware of a few problems. I need to be less aware for awhile.
I'll still tweet links for SyfyDesigns if I'm doing stuff there, but I'm not sure I'll be available for movies with the gang all month. We've got a tonsillectomy coming up before Christmas, and I'm pretty much clearing holiday chores out of the way asap so I can focus on Bunny recovery and family support.
Part of my 30-day challenge is a salvage project. It's boring, but I'm tired of losing stuff. I like to archive what I love because way too many things disappear off the internet. In the old days (ten years ago, haha), that was a bigger deal, but so much has changed now, and there's so much new stuff flooding in all the time, most of us don't even realize when stuff disappears. We just don't have time to notice. Unless we're compulsive speed reading OCD maniac web hoarders. Bless those people, who others usually fail to thank or even notice exist. You only know I exist because I make a big deal of it. PINKY ROBOT WAS HERE. hahaha
OH, yes, focus on today. Let's see. I took the library book back before I finished it.
This gif is awesome, I drop my book just like that. Continually. Click to see it animated.
My day out wasn't exactly enjoyed, but I still enjoyed it, does that make sense? I went to the JCP home store and pretty much got a really nice area rug for free in between sales, percents off total, extra $10 off for something, another $25 off for spending beyond a certain amount- basically, two bathrooms get new rugs and my kitchen gets a big free one. That's about all I could handle, though. I'm still worn out from an impromptu Bunny day yesterday, kind of having a bit of a headache, my house is trashed and very sticky, and I'm working through one of those stupid feeling shrugged off depression lies that hit without warning. My personal life is wretched sometimes, but I'm too egocentric to notice most of the time and just keep plowing through in my little Pinky way, leaving other people bobbing in my wake. You know why I love the entertainment industry? Because it fills so many holes left in me from growing up. All the arts, guys. All the creative ways we express ourselves. What would we be without that? In the long dark night of the soul, who would we be if we couldn't make marks on rocks with some kind of paint?
(I'm ok now, I wrote that earlier today and let it sit. Those phases always pass eventually.)
Anyway, this is Pinky not quitting. I'm still touching base, still public, but if I'm going to gather my storm, I need to clear out a little space. 30 days. Can I do it?
whatever cauliflower that's left from salads that you can't force yourself to finish raw, boiled and drained
whatever is left from an open can of evaporated milk after you've used most of it in a recipe, warmed in empty cauliflower pan after cauliflower is cooked
about an inch slice off a regular size block of velveeta, warmed in the milk until it stirs in
onion powder to your liking, I accidentally dumped nearly a teaspoon but this is very edible, I like onion flavor
the rest of the cooked peppered bacon that is way too spicy to finish up and you're sick of it
Awesome soup. Wait, the flavor and texture is much better than that, lemme try again.
Behold, awesome soup.
Still euphorically floating around and kinda forgetting to eat (which makes good soup awesome), but actually got a nap after several days of around 5 hours of sleep a night, so yay. Figured maybe now is a good time to get hold of photobucket since I'm too weird to be bitey. How's this for succinct?
Subject: login issues- Upload forces relogin, can't upload for 5 days
Hello- Concerning account "(me)"
Every time I click 'upload' I am force logged off. Clicking 'upload' takes me straight to 'login' and I login over and over trying to do an upload. This happens on every browser I try. Everything else is working fine. I have been a pro user for years. I even beta tested a new feature one year. I have not received any kind of acknowledgement that my last email (in this forward) was received or that this issue is being looked into. I'm staying calm in epic facepalm. I use photobucket heavily for international forum and fan site readership, and photobucket is the mainstay of most of my blog building. Please fix this. Thank you, (me)
Maybe I should send an email to paper.li about their bot swarms...
Anyway, since I can't get this into photobucket at this specific size, I'm going to put it here and see if I can hotlink it to where I want it to go in a widget, ok? Ok.
I mean, I have that around in other places, but I wanted that particular snip. And now it's getting late, so I'll finish playing with it later, whenever that is. I have stuff in town the next 2 days, and I'm pretty sure I'll feel a little beat up from physical therapy, plus getting ready for Thanksgiving. I've noticed I'm already starting to emotionally disengage and @bonenado talking to me is like through a filter where I'm only half aware of even interacting, so aspienado is already having a tough time staying on the holiday slide.
