-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero, this blog is PinkyGuerrero, ongoing continuation at blogs Pinky & Janika & Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
 photo README2.gif


Wednesday, January 31, 2018

dang it, forgot the title again

Sorry, no linkback on that. I'm kinda doing a flashback thingy, and it's out of last year's folder.
I was a mess last year. I'm not a mess this year. So far 2018 is significantly improved on 2017 in my house.

The year before that was pretty good on this day. Well, I was faking that it was. I pulled off a pretty good fake, I think.

The year before that one (3 years ago today, well, the 29th, because I didn't make a post on this day) was probably the most focused.

2014 I was all like STOP stop stop... I've gotta get off here before all my work ethic rambles out into blah blah blah and unknits my brain.

2013 in my private blog. (Six months later I would have 2 grandkids and a huge server move on my hands.)

Oh, yeah, need to get my bills done today too. Actually in a pretty good mood since I got good sleep. Totally betting on everyone involved in the drama dept in my life to start shooting all at once sometime during the day, so it won't be any real surprise if and when it happens. Meeting with Griff, JUST SAY NO.


2012 I was incognito and about to make a disastrous mistake throwing everything I ever did on the internet into the trash. Everything still surviving was in lockdown.

2011 and 2010 are inaccessible at the moment because I slipped up this year and didn't pay my Xanga fees. Actually, I opted to get that genetic cancer testing and have been paying $100/mo out of pocket and had to let a few other things fall out of my longterm plan, hopefully I'll be picking those back up and super crossing my fingers they don't disappear in the meantime. I still have a year left to go on those payments I'm making.

2009 around this time I was working on a survey. It included this question-
What do you want to know about the future?
Am I about done cycling through human lives, because I’m getting really tired of this.  I’m ready to move on to the next planet on the roster. 

2008 was horrible and I was watching the birds fighting over the bird feeder in the snow. The only way I was able to see this was pure accident via fluke. I shouldn't have been able to because the fee expired.

2004-2007 are gone. I had a handful of blogs and nearly all that content is gone now. I was dumb and deleted stuff, alas.

Every year is its own kind of hard. Every kind of hard was really hard while I was in it. I don't think it will ever not be hard. I think over time I have watched myself get better at not taking the universe personally, like letting go of blame and getting really good at rolling with the punches. I feel like I have an emotional six pack. I am in really good psychological shape nowadays. I think a lot of it was realizing over an extended period of time that I can actually be very powerful when I am still, that I can be a force without exerting force, and that I really don't mind so much when life sucks because it means I'm still here.

I'm still here.

Super flashback vid. You're welcome.

Monday, January 29, 2018

2D pinky

Super brain dead. Like the flat 2D hole the coyote lays down for the road runner, just a flat circle that things fall into and are never seen again.

I'm doing ok, seem to be on task and on track and stuff, but ever since the EMG last week I've been super spaced out. Those are uncomfortable at best for anyone, and even though I felt nauseated at the time from the pain (thank you gabapentin, pain never used to nauseate me), I thought I did much better than the last time I had one of those done, got through it with much less distress (thank you again, gabapentin, you actually bring nerve pain levels down for me when nothing else would).

But I guess it took its toll, and I'm coasting through everything I do and time is all messed up and people around here are lucky I remembered to make food and do laundry. In the meantime, I lost myself in youtube again.

And then I made the mistake of checking this out, so eventually I'm going to do some crazy cool things myself with TNT coding.

And then I spaced out on a few of these, so there you go.

And if you wanna go really crazy, I found this guy pretty interesting. This is really good for if you can't sleep and need random interesting info trailing in while you space out. I haven't finished it yet, but it's cool.

Oh, here you go, this just happened at my house.

I'll never get out of here if I don't throw a Benny vid out. Hang on.

Ok, here we go.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

pink in the deep

You don't wanna even see my video trail over the weekend. Well, some of you probably would, but I think one week of pseudo politics/religion is enough this year. I can't do that auto reaction thing. Y'all might be into blowing people off, but I'm not hitting anybody with blow offs myself, so maybe I've transcended that brain train jerk off crap. Truth is what we make up, guys. Whatever you think you're standing for, there's nothing behind it if it's more important to walk on each other and be ridiculous than stop and actually think a little bit. I presented scientific data gathering over time, all it took was a misunderstood click bait title to knock the bicycles over. I'm kinda hurt after years out here that I was taken at such a shallow level. But that's on me, isn't it? I stepped out of my Pinky routine and there it went. I fell for the depression lie the other day. You know what? I'm so done with depression lies. I'm gonna rock what I want, and whether you get to see it or not is up to you. Kindess is logical, and I'm afraid that even if it was your only hope you'd miss catching on to that. I was a deeply committed Spock fan years before it was cool, and if you want to fancy yourself a hipster deep thinker, you need to understand what thinking actually really is. Watching TV doesn't make you a thinker. It makes you brain trained. The next time I share an up to date collection of scientific study and news reports from around the globe spanning the last 5 years and get blown off over a poorly titled source, well, there probably won't be a next time. Go spend your own hours finding the gold in all the drivel. I'm not going to tolerate an offer to actually discuss something cool in a rare public format being shot down so immediately by people who should by now know me better, omg. THAT was disappointing. Go back to your brain trained drivel. I'm eyeball deep in world science teams and translation software when I'm not interacting on a world server with people using actual manners learning to problem solve together.

Friday, January 26, 2018

Thursday, January 25, 2018

rambling, something about a diamond snake maybe

I have a snake on the Mo Creatures server named Dave. I left it plain and no one knows why Dave, but it was for Diamond Dave. You know, because minecraft also has diamonds. Nevermind.

This number called me out of the blue today. Since I'm on a national do not call registry and my phone is super locked down, I always look up numbers that call me.

It's vaguely near this airbase. (Or it could be really near, I have no idea.) With all the stuff exploding on youtube and twitter, I couldn't resist looking up whether it has a FEMA camp near it. That's an old page. Here's a very recent one. I'm not suggesting any connections, I just naturally free associate. We've actually got one much closer to us.

Some of us have seen this next type of video happen on scifi shows. It's happening in real life now. That's real, and it's not a joke. I doubt it's a stunt, because it's too perfectly timed with stuff like Julian Assange and other biggie stuffs going on, but I can't decide yet if it's a surface distraction to redirect attention. Q-Anon has a twitter hashtag feed going off the hook and a recently created youtube account. Tonight, this is quite the stir on twitter. (Remember, I don't take sides. I observe. Right now I'm sharing because I doubt anyone I know has a clue this is happening, unless they're just laying low like I tend to do, but for real, most of the people I know in real life don't even have twitter accounts.)

Very few people will understand what is happening when it starts. Actually, it all started long ago, and another one of Q-Anon's vids explains a little about the doublespeak, but I got bored and didn't make it through the whole vid. You don't have to watch it, and I don't care if you believe this is real or not, or what side you feel is right. Truth has been so screwed up for so long I'm not sure it even matters for most of us any more. I'd be more apt to finish it if it weren't pushing the religious parts so hard, but that's just me, serious burnout from hearing it all my life, day in and day out because of the way I grew up. I'm actually having a problem working up any excitement because I've been through end of the world announcements so many times that it's all meh to me.

When the flip happens, it'll be fast and feel rough. They've been talking about it for years. Decades. The root of change is making money digital. The real fight is between the world bankers. Everyone else is fallout, no matter what side anyone is on. Y'all who've seen Game of Thrones might understand how important banks are to financing political change, except in our world, the banks are so big that they don't wait to be hired for bookkeeping.

I could say things about world leaders, but I won't waste my breath. They don't get to stop and watch The Walking Dead like I do. I like being able to disengage and enjoy my family and some entertainment on a regular basis. I can't imagine living a life of 'have to' to the point of never having a normal family life, where everything is performance for a cause.

Like the way I've been interrupted 40 million times during writing these few sentences. 😂 I'll take that any day. There's a hamster ball rolling around my kitchen and a very excited little girl bouncing all around it.

Anyway, my job on this earth is exactly what I'm doing, which is focusing on positivity and mindfulness and being kind. Being kind is logical.

And I really really love Van Halen. Always. (Even the Sammy years, but I've probably tortured you enough for now.) I'm not going to worry about that call, even if it's hot on the heels of other weird stuff this week. Gonna shut my eyes and walk away from it.

pinkly spacing

click for easy decor ideas
So. Finally have a day off. I was supposed to get nearly the whole week off, which would have been fabulous after a snow week tossing schedules around like confetti, but Monday I got to see my dad and brother driving through town, Tuesday the fiber optic installation team came in to finalize the switchover and wound up having to replace a cable, so that took awhile, then yesterday we tore the house apart trying to catch a hamster and wound up deep cleaning the house, so naturally today I SLEPT. I've barely done a thing. And tomorrow is EMG testing to see if the nerve down my left leg into my foot has corrupted since last time they tested, and the rest of my day will be suckage. So yeah, today is my only day off in an otherwise supposedly 'empty' week. Totally wasting it.

these are actual cupcakes, click to go to facebook
My mind is so blank that it feels inside out, like I got the onion skin and carbon papers in backward on the typewriter. Those of you who don't have a clue, that's seriously how blank my mind is, it goes back to before you were born.

and this one clicks to pinterest
Ok, here we go. Yeah, just surfing at this point. Not even anything out for supper. I don't feel guilty.

click for a very cool page
I'm really glad I made that tic list this month, so I can see that I'm actually still getting a few things done. I wish I were getting more done today, but not badly enough to do anything about it. Sometimes you just gotta be worn out.

Gonna keep spacing out in a time bubble. See ya.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

if the Flash was a hamster


I cut my coffee in half this week and swore not to let myself head for anything chocolate to replace it. That is my brainmelt.

So I yapped in posts this week about my phone getting interested in me being twitter flagged, note the tags

and I kid you not, out of the blue for the first time ever I get these emails after my blog traffic ~tripled~.

My personal portfolio seems to be everyone else's business.


Pro tip: Never buy a cheap starter kit cage, kids.

Discovered under the fridge around 4 a.m. and lured out later with food, only to disappear again.

After several hours it became an urgent situation, having taken up new residence inside the fan while the fridge wasn't running.

Before it was all over, not only was my fridge taken apart in the middle of my kitchen, but we were pile driving through furniture. I'm good with it. Today was a day of super deep cleaning. Pinky totally approves.

Don't worry, he's safely back in his cage with a towel over it.


On the side, I'm hoping I didn't pick up some kind of germ. I have felt awful most of the day, and I'm hoping it's nothing more than a sinus infection.

Time's flying, so don't forget about the blue moon lunar eclipse.

Monday, January 22, 2018

that wily Google Play

So the comment on yesterday's post mentioned EOTS (here's more if you're interested), which cracked me up, but I can't help wondering how someone else might react to the kind of stuff happening that I mentioned in my reply back.

This kind of stuff has been going on lately anyway, and it's easy to blow it off, but technically, my phone isn't supposed to be able to activate apps and make decisions to do things without actually being in my hands or being verbally instructed by me to do these things. I had to search out a hidden app download last week, like you do, that uber hogged my phone memory, one of those sudden out of the blue downloads from Google Play. You know, because that's totally normal for phones to do without any kind of activation. I live way out of town near a state forest, both my data plan and local internet are encrypted, I'm the only one in the house, and my phone is just doodling around on its own because it's bored.

My family history goes back to the Visigoths on my dad's side. The Masons and Moors go back that far, too. A lot of people don't know world history and it is being forgotten. All our religions and belief systems are being stirred together now and marketed to us as consumables. We buy smash art on our clothing, our decor, our tech accessories, and our entertainment, and most of the time don't even recognize what it really is. A great example is goth sugar skull. Sugar skull is originally colorful and meant to be respectful as part of a holy practice. It got coopted into an occupying religion, and is now corrupted into an art form against that religion, and none of this has anything to do with the original reason for sugar skull. All this stuff goes way back. Moors, Masons, and Catholics were the major players for well over 1500 years, and they all wanted their own kind of world order. They used religion as their motivation and reason, they kept their own banking systems, they pulled political strings and orchestrated wars, and now here we are, smashing all our cultures into a new thing. My very real Goth heritage is just a cartoon now, something to appropriate and mass market until no one remembers what was real.

My family history winds all through the nation state boundary lines moving around, the bloody wars breaking families up, the new governments experimenting on their own people to the point of mass famines, and even as I was growing up there were still immigrants fleeing from the Czech Republic and trying to flee from Cuba. None of this has ever really stopped. While Americans are currently being distracted with an orchestrated presidential scandal investigation and immigration standstills, people all over the world are still struggling with very real political problems upending their economies and even tearing up their towns. While we grumble about the news we're allowed to see and watch the TV shows we're trained to stop our lives for, people all over our own country are going missing. It happens so often that it's not even news, it's even boring, and oh look, a cute puppykitten in our social media feed.

I'm not into genealogy, but it's handy. I happen to be born into a family that has kept track of its genealogy for many generations, or at least knows the ancestral history behind who we are. While my dad's ancestors kept moving away from one war after another for generations, my mom's family was in government pay. Being a king's legal counsel was dangerous. I look back on these ancestry lines and wonder how we ever made it this far. Life was definitely not a piece of cake. I wonder what they'd all think of us passively surviving what almost boils down to emotional slavery. We are challenged daily to survive our depressions, urged to comply with copious amounts of medications, pacified with entertainment till we are lulled to a dull sleep and feel helpless to really do anything to change a fragile world we know can't last. It's easier to just believe it will and keep shopping.

Scott asked me tonight what he should do if I ever disappear. I said make a big deal about it and point to all this stuff that I write and share. I'm on a list now. 😂 He'll probably do nothing and feel free of me until he runs out of laundry and gets sick of hot dogs and Chinese takeout.

Guidelines for law enforcement - Twitter Help Center Please note that requests for content requires search warrants.

Let's revisit the email they sent me. "Consistent with our commitment to transparency, we are emailing you because we have reason to believe that you either followed one of these accounts or retweeted or liked content from these accounts during the election period." They have reason to believe that I interacted with a malicious account. It's weird how both vague and very to the point that sounds. I was contacted by a legal team for nothing more than this. The deemed 'malicious account' could have been tweeting pictures of cats and I would never know. Why do I need to be alerted to this? Especially if the malicious accounts are being shut down, right. Why in the world do I need to be told by a legal team that my account has been flagged? I've spent 5 years peeling off so many crazy weird accounts off me that cover everything from how long bugs orgasm to political tiffs in Venezuela, or like the time I got super mobbed by Arab accounts, hundreds of them suddenly following me. Not a peep out of twitter. It's up to me to fend for myself, vet the hop-ons, mute the stupidity, and steer clear of the marketing machine bumbling around. Excuse us, but we have reason to believe you liked a tweet, so we are being cool and letting you know we know but can't say we know.

Meanwhile, tons of hatefest tweets still rage through my feeds blaspheming all they want to without a care....

1500 years of human struggle and it's boiling down to whether I liked a tweet now.

*looking for the stupidest Ben youtube I can find*

*settling for Strange because I've seen all the stupid ones because I'm an addict*

Sunday, January 21, 2018

caught with my claim flags down- *permed*

My braindeadedness today feels like deep fried calamari and side of coleslaw. I am choosing not to go full aspienado hard shutdown because I'm actually the least likely person to make the noise level worse. One is asleep because overnight job, another is staring at football, I am utterly drained of manna, and a 4 year old is prattling nonstop and remodeling my kitchen into a 'house' of 'pets' defined with an afghan spread on the floor as the rug, various containers and toys posing as pets in their beds, and at the moment the mailman is running around the house announcing "mail! mail!" and handing out quarters. I got 2 quarters, representing the most mail. I bet they're bills. I'm not inclined to check. I was up 19 hours (that's nearly 24) before my 5 hours of sleep last night, and I can't handle bills right now. I'm just thrilled that she's in a good mood and entertaining herself.

Irony is when twitter sends you a long email yesterday letting you know your account qualifies as an item in the U.S. Presidency-Russian scandal investigation and sending a happy little tweet today about it being your 5th anniversary on twitter. It's actually been longer, but I closed a couple other accounts further back. I think I go back to at least 2008 on twitter, technically.

Couple of quotes from that email include, oh what the heck, here's the whole thing. Notice it's from their legal department.

In which my freedom of speech violation is hinted at.

In which it is suggested that I am part of these malicious accounts.

In which I'm let known that people don't come to twitter to see ME.

I addressed this issue publicly over the weekend. This next shot clicks to twitter source, which in turn clicks to the post I wrote.

I handled that while I was vigorously multitasking- cooking breakfast for several people, handling chat help on an international game server, looking after a 4 year old, and getting ready to race out the door to an event.

I made friends with the wrong people. They are Russians. Twitter unites us around the world, and I've been friends with a number of people in a TV show fandom (international production) since 2005. We have a history that goes back across forums full of dates and timestamps. I am very publicly documented in google search in this fandom.

And now I am apparently a possible enemy of the state. Because I am friends with people on the other side of the ocean over a 20 year old TV show. Because I used a public international social media host to be friends with them. Because, of course, every American must now be investigated in this ridiculous scandal conspiracy if they are friends with Russians.

I don't know if other fandom representatives (I'm not official, but very obvious thanks to a lot of web presence) got emails like this. A lot of us on twitter are friends with worldwide fans of all kinds of TV shows. Stargate is a great example.

Heads up, America. It has begun, whatever 'it' is. The Big Brother thing that people have been freaked out over for decades. I really hope social media isn't about to flip into something very ugly.

#transparency- I didn't vote for any of the leading candidates. I voted for someone who had already withdrawn from the presidential race. I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone who is currently in office, and I am neither for nor against any of them. They run the country, I don't, and it's all the same to me.

I have legally documented multiple disabilities. I choose to stay busy with a fandom and a game server. Both are international. I have friends all over the world. I have been visited by well over 150 countries on my blogs since 2004. This has never been a problem before. I wonder why it's a problem now.

Facebook, Google, Twitter: How tech giants are involved in the Russia investigation

News about #russiagate on Twitter

Do social media threaten democracy?

This following is months old. I wonder how big that number is now. I mean, I've recently been included, so... who knows.

Twitter finds hundreds of accounts tied to Russian operatives

Going back to an old favorite.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018


Hopefully from here there's nowhere to go but up. Crack of dawn is always the coldest. Check this windchill. We are officially colder than Antarctica. Saw that roll through on my local weather on facebook.

Really thought my stats would calm down after I privatized my facebook feed 9 days ago, since facebook was my strongest traffic driver, but apparently that didn't deter anyone. And doing that definitely nailed down a solid steady number of notification hits, because I thought maybe those were extra pings from facebook redundancy 'safety' settings, but apparently not. Whoever you are, I'm holding up my coffee cup to you. I am now able to look at a naked core readership before I even link outside of the bloggersphere.

Okie doke, where were we. I happily jogged down a weird path this week while I let my head settle around real life, and I kinda need to bullet point and catch up.

  • MRI came back, confirmed the usual aging spine thing with a new twist, cervial hemangioma shows up in report now. No idea if it's just better reporting for something there all along or if it's new, but it is 'unremarkable'. Probably something they'll just keep an eye on...
  • Laying super still on a hard, flat MRI bed for 40 straight minutes was stupid hard on me over the weekend, between bodywide fibro flare and nerve compression was almost unable to walk for a few hours on Saturday, but thankfully coming back out of that.
  • Everyone around me keeps getting sick the last 2 months. I haven't yet been really sick like that. Hope I didn't just jinx myself. But if this is real, I've been sticking to raw cruciferous in salads, buncha cooked cruciferous like caramelized brussels sprouts with aged balsamic and parm, yogurt, and chicken. Little bit of cheese and occasional microwaved nachos in small portions. Lotta water. I don't drink anything else but coffee in the morning and a cup of tea in the evening. If diet has an effect on positive immune health, that's what's doing it for me. Stop eating your candy and ice cream and get off the cigs and booze, guys. I'm the puny one and here I am not sick.
  • My new 3x3 daily/weekly/monthly personal/home/internet chart is working really well. Syllabus doesn't seem to be doing it for me this winter, so I'm doing chart, ticcing off as I go. Tic chart, guys. In the 3rd grade I got gold, silver, blue, or red stars on a weekly chart for how fast I timed on a multiplication test. (A 'times' test.) In 5th grade I got a circle for every book I read to add to a bookworm. I had the second longest bookworm in the class, went around 3 walls. Charts are fun, but a lot of work to make. I use one sheet in a notebook. Upper third is a list for monthly, just need to see one tic beside each item. Middle third is a list for weekly and I divided into five sections across for all the weeks in the month, each section needs to have one tic in it for each item. Lower third is a list of daily stuff I do, and I don't bother ticcing it. I mostly do it anyway. It's there to remind me to stay on track. Concise, contained, at a glance. Each month I'll make a new page, and I can compare how I do to the months before.
  • I've been allowed to take over twitter duties for my fave minecraft server, now that I'm part of staff. I think it's a great way to divert off the twitter mess and pull a tight focus on something I love.
  • I need more squirrels in here.

I created a new playlist for positive vibes, to borrow a word from a friend. Music and visuals that calm the mind, as it were. I do this a lot and you guys never see it because I don't share that part of me that goes really deep into the quiet so I can float out of myself. I had a hard time sifting through and sorting out all my Pinky junk the last few years, and I feel like the best direction to go this year is just ignore the F* out of everybody, you know? Be me. Float away in bliss and enjoy my moments. I seem to have arrived to a new place, and I'm ready to take better baggage with me going forward. It's really hard to brain train into calm with chaos and challenge all around, but it's totally worth it. Let's see what I can find this year. :edit: Sorry, didn't realize I had this playlist on private, lol.

Monday, January 15, 2018

they still haven't realized I'm actually at home

I love this guy
click the pic for a good song
Day 5. Still hiding out from the Jehovah Witness. Curtains drawn, lights off, stealth chores going on. Outside is snow and nasty cold. Weather hasn't deterred them in the past.

I made the mistake of inviting them back when they showed up in my driveway right behind me last week. I was actually glad to see real people that day because my depression was so bad, but politely declined assistance getting my shopping in. We talked for awhile, and I was fine with it and even said we could talk again sometime. When they jumped on what day next week would be good, I auto deflected with we don't have a set schedule around here.

I don't invite people into my house. This is my sanctuary, my escape, my cave. This isn't a hang out for people outside my family. I grew up with my dad pulling people into the house to 'talk bible' and it would last for hours, and he even had me cooking meals so he could keep them there. He loves talking bible, and can out talk anyone, yes, including Jehovah Witness. I know for a fact that they eventually realize they are trapped and work on ways to escape.

I am like my dad. I am saving them from exhaustive entrapment. I am saving us all from a not so cute cat and mouse head game. I am like my dad. I like to win...

pic clicks to wiki page
make of it what you will

the USS Illuminati (NCC-60309) in ST Expanded Universe is a little over the top, I think
all the good stuff is in the interactive gaming
the rest flies under audience radar
So the stuff I brought up in the last post, right. It hit me later, I remembered having seen someone on facebook freaking out about finding out their kid's photo was being sold on the internet for a weirdly high price and they couldn't figure out why in the world, right. Well... maybe the cloning is a real thing. Maybe human trafficking isn't against the law when you use tissue samples from birthing and whatever (*cough*abortions*cough*) to clone cute little kiddies and people can pick them out of catalogs. Just saying. None of that is new. This is old stuff. You guys only know about it accidentally because of social media shares and internet surfs.

Those of us on the topside still have some semblance of human rights. I'm about to tell you exactly what I think since I've been so cryptic all through Pinky blog. Well, it still looks cryptic, but this is how it boils down.

Whatever comes, two things.
  • Your mind in the moment is yours. Even if you are brainwashed, there are times you are a lucid self, and that person is who owns those moments. No one else owns your love and kindness. You create that, in any situation. No one is ever brain broken and retrained to be sweet and kind. If you want to own yourself, be sweet and kind in your lucid 'now' moments.
  • We are all slaves. We always have been. We are continually used like noobs and taken advantage of with the whole freedom idea, and human dignity is a gift we give each other daily, not something someone owes us. We are the ones who give each other dignity.

Nothing else in this world holds any promises. Pinky blog assumes we are all already screwed. I am teaching you how to go forward and survive.

You don't have to believe in whatever god people hold over you or that extraterrestrials exist or that governments actually don't care about people as much as they do infrastructure, and you certainly don't have to believe me hinting at anything, but somewhere in your mind, heart, and soul there is a real person, and you easily forget to notice that we are all real people caught in a big mess. Where did the mess start? That's debatable. Did someone engineer this mess? That's food for thought. Is this mess necessary? From certain points of view, it might be. But underneath all that mess is you are real. Whether a genuine God is real is between you and God and no one else's place to manipulate you with. Some people do care, but don't realize they themselves come from a very brain trained institutionalized process that uses God to create and enhance emotional dysfunction and pressured compliance. That is not a loving God. Learn to tell the difference.

Never forget that you are real. Even if everything falls apart, or if your world is already broken, you are real. YOU are what is important. Your moments. The gifts you quietly give others. You own that.

Friday, January 12, 2018

those who have minds to think, let them think

Caution: This is a think piece masquerading as conspiracy mockery.

Caution on this vid, probably NSFW. It's ok if you skip it, it's just a perfume commercial. Sort of.


I know this vid is old (you'll have to click over to that if you want to see it, I'm not sharing it here), and I absolutely do not care whether it's real or not. I mean, it explains a lot of weird dreams and maladies I've had since childhood (and quite a lot of historical art that I run into), but so does basic childhood trauma around the world time out of mind and tons of entertainment saturation and doublespeak. I could point out flaws galore with it, and I could also point out how well it actually works in all our entertainment, especially scifi and porn. You see those motifs in that vid used regularly through the decades in both. Who knows, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, right.

There is a commonality throughout our entertainment that many of us either don't notice, don't piece together, or don't care about. Tell me how this movie is any different from Lady Gaga and 75% of the scifi, horror, and fantasy out there. You've got the underground, the cloning and recreating, the allusion to pedophilia and the wealthy who seek it, the 'game' that separates kids from families, men in black, the star child, and even a psychiatrist's couch. Every conspiracy you can find in all the other stuff is here, too. Well, maybe not the reptilians. I haven't really tried that hard.

And of course we all saw Johnny go on to become the Hatter in yet another of hundreds of Alice and White Rabbit retells. How are we not frickin' bored to tears yet with the whole rabbit hole thing? Um, maybe because there's some credence to it? But here is where I'm quick to point out that if it's real, then we've been so saturated with it for so long that who even cares any more?

The point is, human brains like patterns. Our minds are especially adapted to making patterns out of everything we see around us. If we are all learning the same things, seeing the same art and entertainment and news, then all our brains are synchronized to start noticing the same kinds of patterns. Some people are a lot better are specific kinds of patterns, like math and music, others are a lot better at social patterns and how people generally behave, others are really good at creating food and art and building and inventing because they catch on so quickly about how bits and pieces combine to become something else. Everything we do as humans is based on being able to recognize and create patterns. I happen to see patterns in entertainment, and I see quite a lot of repetition and borrowing and crossovering kind of stuff, which becomes even more fascinating when I dig into the history of creating entertainment, because that's what my brain is good at.

Just a sec, quick break. Seriously, I took a break.

I know this looks like a wild veer into different thought, but it's important. Part of my own personal inner turmoil and self interrogation is exactly this- Why do I seem to like it rough? (as the video below suggests). Maybe it's because I've been trained to handle life being rough from an early age. It was innocently done, to be sure, but by people so trained themselves that they couldn't see the actual conflict they were living out, with cruelty calling itself love. So much of this started ages and ages ago, long before they were even born. By the way, back to conspiracy, Lady Gaga in the gold outfit is the reptilian mockup, and the guys sitting around her in the rain of diamonds reminds me of the weird phase shifted beings (also shape shifters) sitting around a box full of human souls sucking up the fear and anguish for food in Star Trek Next Generation. I see so many crossover triggers to so many other imagery setups in tv shows and stuff, bits of sets, the way costumes are used, I think the subconscious effect on the brain is about the same between pop music and science fiction on television. And maybe there's a reason for that, but if there is, then we're up to our eyeballs in muppets and Disney while we're at it, so I'm not going there.

Needed another break. You probably did, too. I really like this song.

So I brought up the Paul McCartney conspiracy the other day, right. It's ok, I'm not the only delusional person in the world. And again, I really don't care. I never collected the Beatles stuff, although a nearly complete collection fell into my possession a few years ago. But for argument's sake, let's assume I'm the crazy one, although none of my diagnoses quite go that far.

In case you're new to me and haven't come across any of the general conspiracy crap blowing the world up for the last several decades (and especially over the last few years with the advent of youtube), the root of everything you need to know boils down to stuff being right in front of our faces, like living double lives and not being able to really believe stuff under our noses while we freak out about every little sentence on twitter or something. Conspiracy is a 2 sided coin. People who cover something up create conspiracy, but so do people who believe in something not real. What's it called when the conspiracy isn't hidden any more and the people are still freaking about it being a conspiracy?

What if you could get your wish? What if you had another you to go to work and you wouldn't have to personally experience the drudgery? What if you could turn that part of your mind over to a different you and then flip back and enjoy life after work was over? I know some of us would love that, right? Well, that's basically what some entertainers appear to be doing. Their work is so rigorous that they undergo aggressive, what I call, 'brain training'. And they don't have to really remember any of that if they don't want to, kind of like you don't have to remember having an operation. You go through a process that 'fixes' a few things, do a little recovery time, and find yourself handling so much more than you thought possible, remembering your lines better, having all kinds of fun traveling and being famous. No one has to know or even gets to know what you did to be able to fast track. Because, let's face it, none of us ordinary people could really keep up with a lot of what some of them are doing. 16 hour days? All hours, all kinds of weather, and millions at the box office. Maybe it's worth not remembering half the grueling stuff you had to go through, or at least being able to turn it off a little. Apparently, though, that has its flaws, and so the conspiracies are ramping up and people are freaking out and not realizing that quite a lot of people around the world grow up with the basic first steps of brain prepping for the training in the first place. It's been all around us all along, so why is this a surprise? I actually found it to be a bit familiar, and I've not even been through the 'pro' level.

What do you want? How badly do you want it? What are you willing to agree to do or give up in order to get what you want? Actually, you don't necessarily have to sell your soul or hand your mind over to a trainer to get what you want, but if all you care about is the fast track, yeah, you'd probably jump in without thinking it through.

But really, what if when your life sucks and you have a meltdown, a handler could just magically make it easier to deal? Or a brain chip? What if a frequency could be tweaked the same way a CPAP machine could be adjusted? What if you could message your psychiatrist and get a remote tweak adjust in your chip to get a slight frequency change and feel better? Brain waves are all the rage nowadays. They can be modulated without even touching you, and some day it may be possible from more of a distance.

Back to the Paul McCartney thing. Here are a couple of vids if you're interested, or you can skip them. It's not necessary to watch them, but your arm hairs will go up better later if you do a few minutes on each one first. I can prep your brain for a better experience, lol, setting up a pattern, as it were. And it works even better if you watched that very first link in the first paragraph up there, kinda trippy.

Ok, break time. I love that this next vid gets so many negative comments, but I don't see any pyramid conspiracy freak outs about it. Really flew under the ol' radar.

Ok, back to the Paul McCartney thing. During those vids I got two screenshots in particular. People have been freaking out lately about these kinds of things, and I keep saying I grew up with them. This is the proof.

You can check out these 4 articles if you want. Yes, it's part of the overall experience. I started looking because I've always mildly wondered what the in the world a yellow submarine has to do with anything. Well...

The Illuminatus! Trilogy- These novels go back to 1975, and you can see there is loads of conspiracy set into an entertainment format. This stuff has been going on since before most of you were born. Like I said, I grew up with it. "The prison is bombed and he is rescued by the Discordians, led by the enigmatic Hagbard Celine, captain of a golden submarine. Hagbard represents the Discordians in their eternal battle against the Illuminati, the conspiratorial organization that secretly controls the world. He finances his operations by smuggling illicit substances."

Discordianism- In case you were wondering what that is in the above paragraph, that is the old timey ancient mythological word for Chaos Magick, which is what it's all called today. It's an interesting read. Again, I grew up with those ideas, not in my home per se, but prevalent enough around us that my parents nearly put us kids into a private school.

Operation Mindfuck- Yes, that's a real thing that goes back to the 60s and basically explains what's happening on social media right now. Knowing is power, power is knowing. Step over conspiracy and learn what the real is behind it.

Aaaand back to the whole Paul McCartney thing. Back to conspiracy land.
The Beatles -- Illuminati Mind Controllers

Ok, let's put this all together now, assuming you kept up with all the vids and articles, and I'll say it very simply. Paul McCartney may have been cloned. I'll leave you to wonder what I just did to your head. Those of you who know I'm a huge Lady Gaga fan, *mind blown*. Space was her DJ on her world tour, and she is the best example I've ever seen of purposeful conspiracy paraded around the planet.

You can't find much on this guy, despite his obvious world level fame.

If you skipped all those vids and articles, it's ok to start over. Your arm hairs will still go up, even if you don't believe in it. Like I said, trippy.

Thursday, January 11, 2018

my own propaganda

neato calendar my kiddo got me
Dear people making expose vids for youtube- tighten up your info, you keep losing me dragging on like that. If you wanna save the world, please save me from your voices droning on and on and on... I would've interpreted a few things a little differently, but who cares. I never made it to the end anyway.

Confession- I absolutely cannot make it through anything "informational", I don't care how interesting it is or how interested I might be in it. I grew up in church 3X a week from wee childhood, earned 190+ hours of college classes, and have even reached a saturation point for my favorite kind of television. I am so. bored. with people having to explain stuff. Educate me quickly, entertain me delightfully, at least stop spamming your mouse or hitting the pause button on whatever you're demo-ing. All those precious seconds and minutes wasted could be better spent checking my bank account or something. I either turn it up way loud so I can hear while I'm folding laundry or I carry it around on a phone while I do stuff, but every time you jaunt off into 30 seconds of extra yap pausing something I'm supposed to be looking at, you're losing me.

On the other hand, kudos to people who are natural talkers, already know what they're going to say, and don't expect me to watch everything they do. You could tell me about every rock in your yard and I'd still be right there with you an hour later. I even kind of envy that because I'm not a natural talker like that, so when I get excited and really get yappy, I lose people. It's like I have to plug into a convo with people who can easily lead a topic.

And for those of you STILL going on about millennials on phones-

I sit in doctor waiting rooms with old people glued to Andy Griffith on the television like they've never seen it before. O.M.G. And the scary part is how many next gens will be staring at Full House like that the very same way, if they still have televisions in waiting rooms by that age.

Kind of in a snit. Backed off a tad on coffee and chocolate again this week. Pretty sure my brain is riling up all the nerve gangs for a major walkout.

Do I look like I care? Just blocking out the world and doing what I love.

And, oh yeah, got into staff on my fave game server. Life is leveling up in the fun way this year.

p.s. Rocking my asics every day, so I'm not just sitting there. Got my conquer on. While the rest of the world catches up to the junk I've been saying for years, I'm ripping through the next portal getting that dragon head. It's never too late to level up your lives, if you want change- assess where you are, make a list of goals, plan out the steps you need to take reaching those goals (be realistic about time allowances, too, things take time and life throws curve balls), and start executing. You're never too anything to start making incremental changes that add up over time to very big differences.

You can do this.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

bcuz pizza nachos

I originally posted that to twitter

from Science Memes on facebook
More major plan executing going on. Dropped off some stuff in a Convoy of Hope bin while I was out yesterday. Have some other stuff pulled together for Safe to Sleep. Good ways to clean out my house. Someone said "Sharing is caring" in chat convo on the game server the other night, cracked me up. It was unrelated, immediately put a Care Bears song in my head. It's all fake on server, but even there some people think it's all about accumulation and wealth. Just because you hand over your last digital loaf of bread to another player on their last half heart tic doesn't make the kindness any less real.

So far I've gotten more done in the last 2 1/2 days than I feel like I accomplished in the last 2 1/2 months, if you don't count regular cleaning, cooking, and running errands. Things I've been putting off are magically poofing into all the right places in the spacetime continuum, including phone calls and fixits. I ran into a little buried sack with brand new Christmas ornaments in it for Bunny's tree, never even noticed we lost it. We were so worn out long before Christmas even got here, it seems like folly now to have wasted that money.

And now I'm in lag, lol. Time to let my brain fall out and move like a snail again while I gather my little storm for the next plan execution surge.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

zombie fog

I took these pix around 1:40 p.m. on the way home from town. The top one is so foggy that the camera refused to even focus. Even using my eyes, I didn't see the lights until the next click. I didn't click until I could actually see the lights. The time passing between the two shots is about an eyeblink.

This is further down the road closer to my home. Driving out this morning was like white out, but at least I could see the trees on the way back.

We're taking a little break from the nasty cold, it seems. I guess Thursday we'll go way below freezing again. I'm super thrilled I wasn't driving in on ice today.

I love damp drippy foggy days, any time of year. I'm literally in my element. 😆😁😂 I've got old fashioned settler's beans and cornbread cooking, so my cave smells beautiful.

Now that I've got my peace and quiet back during the days, I've got a more fun video trail going.

You can check out all this person's vids here.

This next vid is a compilation made by a fan, but you can find all the originals here, there's more. I love this so much.

I chased a few rabbits around and found RichieFromBoston (sorry, Richie, I couldn't make it through more than one vid, but keep up the good work), a whole swarm of Herobrine conspiracy vids (conspiracy off the hook, once you find out the real conspiracy behind it, lolz, I loved it), and after DIY Camper brought me back to earth, I dug back into Space Cowboy history. You gotta admire someone who basically starts off with a completely digital homemade music vid series and winds up touring with Lady Gaga, so the miles of comments are just jealous.

They say do what you love. I love fans. I keep saying that. I'm a fan of the fans.

I just made that. It's dumb unless you know both the show and the fandom.

This was too safe for work. Let's mess that up a bit.

Monday, January 8, 2018

fronting till it all falls into place, right

I cannot believe the last 2 years. Or the 2 years before that. The ten before that. Actually, my whole life.

K, obvs making changes. Started all this crawling up the side of a steep jagged mountain an inch at a time, seem to have leveled up during a few plateaus looking back and assessing, feels now like I'm on a hiking path past the worst of the jungle, still ascending but stopping for picnic breaks and enjoying the view.

Outside is fog and nearly freezing drizzle. Inside is laundry going and space heater and coffee. The bathrooms got cleaned a couple hours ago. I've got the house dark so it looks like no one is home. I should probably eat something. Been up 4 hours and no food yet.

Changing up how I do stuff this year. No more linking to facebook, sorry about that. Reminder links are easy to make, but I never did it to bait my friends, and family knows where to find me. Since facebook is now private, I don't need to hook public over there. I probably won't link this on twitter, either. Most of these go to G+ automatically, so I'll leave that, like a digital paper trail.

I'm kinda looking around again and really surprised at the amazingly clean web presence I developed. It's crisp, not too corroded with overlays of mashup presence. A lot of people don't know how to stand out and don't realize their presence entangles with similar others. In spite of accidentally picking one of the porniest names in the world (really, actually) and a very common name in several countries (people have actually mistaken me for far flung family on facebook a few times), and even a common name in business (there are at least 12 Pinky Guerrero people vying for profile space across the networks and social medias that I have counted), I seem to have a fairly straightforward WebMii presence.  WebMii is horrible for mashup, so that's a great way to check on that.

But I'm kinda not caring about that now. It's all in place. The launch setup was the really hard part. A lot of people jump onto merching without a clue about launch and market, and hopefully this is enough now to take the next step.

I haven't talked about that stuff in awhile, have I? 😁

I cannot see my future. I'm sure my life and personal plans will continue to be blitzed and I'll continue to keep picking up pieces and navigating around the pop up challenges. Whatever.

Guess we'll see what happens this year.


Red flag on the play, whistle, rebound. Actually, this is something I've been thinking about for several months.

I know what being public means, probably better than a lot of people. I can 'see' so much stuff because I'm good at lurking. I've talked about that here on Pinky blog. I have encouraged you guys many times to check your proxies, use your browser settings to cruise the webs anon, or at least vaguely. It's really not that big of a deal, I really don't care what you do, but since I can sometimes see details most people would think were private or at least protected from anyone outside their sphere being able to find, maybe it is a big deal.

I like baiting. Baiting lets me see all kinds of things. I can usually tell the difference between real people vs crawlers and spam, sometimes glaringly so, but the point is I can tell. I can't always see motivation, but I sometimes get hints. I've talked about that before, too. Again, not a big deal. If any of that really unnerved me I'd have gone dark a long time ago. I've been saying it won't be long until the entire world is public and we can all see all of it anyway. Even if you go off the grid you can be checked on fairly easily, and I don't mean putting GPS trackers on your car or because you talked to someone on a phone. But I don't care about that, either.

I set that bait out a long time ago. I caught the bait being taken. This isn't a petty thing, although it has nothing to do with my personal life in general, and I'm not even upset about it. I had a feeling sooner or later this bait would be taken. And now that it has been, I have no further use for a public personal facebook. That's right, I did all that for one person.

I need to see who I can trust. This person is not my friend on FB and has never returned contact after the minutest out of the way positive one line of comment I left in the most remote place you can imagine, again, not on facebook. Even though we met in real life during a big event and I was asked to turn over my intellectual property and help flip a fandom over, aside from free professional legal advice and an unrelated very brief late night phone call, this person has never in any way contacted me as a real human being with value.

After a particular bait hook went out, this person went through my public timeline and did recon on my family. The bait hook had nothing to do with my family, and I expected a very different kind of recon.

This person is a public relations professional. I feel this was a very unprofessional mistake. I just needed to know that in case something comes up for me in future.

I let that sink in for awhile, as you can see by the date. Making my facebook more private wasn't a rash decision based on emotion of any kind. I seriously doubt it changes anyone's ability to lurk me, actually probably makes the game more fun for some. Making this decision is more of a message. I have no idea if that message will be received, and since the bait took 5+ years, you can see I really don't care and that I have unlimited patience as a lurker deluxe.

There are other people that are much bigger threats or problems for my family, and I wasn't worried about that. I don't feel threatened by this person at all. I could feel flattered that I was worth that amount of stalking from someone who's been so around, but honestly, I'm just not that vain. I have laid out my life for the public, my personal flaws and fails and all the crawling I've done just to get here, and I challenge that person to do the same. Let's see a public relations expert truly go public. Own it.

I say that as a friend. Anyone who knows Pinky blog knows I own all my people, and I check on them. If I've met you and you impressed me, I number you among friends, even if you have no idea. That doesn't mean I am a rug to walk on or a toy to play with. I've already been tried by fire and lain in the abyss. I know what the dark is.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

I think I discovered why I'm time jagging so badly

Last night was our first #latenightmovie of 2018 with @LNMGang. I couldn't tell if we were wittier than usual, or if that needed an un- in front of it (unwittier than usual, for those of you who find mental exercise tiring), but we were definitely a little more blabby, which was fun. I think we're all just relieved the holidays are over. We actually had real convos going, and since I left a whole convo hanging after this next shot, yes, Lisa alluded to being Veronica Lake in a past life.

Dem boops. I never did figure this chick out, probably because I was also chatting on skype, lol. Hey, I'm not the only multitasker there. Blogger doesn't believe multitasker is a real word.

I won't fill in the wild turn this convo took, but just know I'm actually educated. Even more than Kurt.

By this time I was lost and just going with it.

Among quite a variety of topics in the chat was me being awed by Julianne Moore's stunningness and beautiful singing voice. I've only ever seen her in scifi movies, so a dinosaur popping up wouldn't have surprised me at all.

I can just see me in a nursing home not understanding why I can't break any blocks. It's ok if you don't get that at all. I have several groups of friends that will never get minecraft references, and that alone points me to #fam in the one group that does. Sorry, #latenightmovie gang. It's not you, it's me.

No, I'm not going to reveal what it was. You'll just  have to go watch the movie. The effects were really good, though.

And now it's super early Sunday morning and I'm already up conquering. I'm just glad I woke up naturally before Bunny did. She's already conquering, too. Every time I think I'm tired of Paw Patrol I remember the Little Einsteins era and my mind shuts up. And naturally, I have the context of being able to be thrilled the Barney era was brief years ago during another kidsitting stint.

Had my craziest worldwide week ever on Pinky blog after the when fools don't fly post. Didn't exactly go viral (haha, far from that), but definitely noted for interest. Most of those came from twitter, for a change. My dad would probably be very proud of me if I were a conspiracy blogger. How many of you can say that about a parent? Don't let that belie the disappointment I really am. I'm super fail at stirring up the big trubbas from behind an avatar, like some of the players out there.

I made it out to Bunny's first basketball game of the year yesterday. 4 year old basketball is my new favorite thing. I got funny video, but I'm not sharing because the shirts identify who and where, sorry. Just trust me that my people watching hobby is most satisfyingly off the hook being surrounded by adorably cute innocents and their unrelenting parents screaming at them. If you wanna try to understand humanity, start right there. We eat our own every bit as much as any massive spider or reptile hatch, it's just slower and cuter on the surface where it shows.

In case you missed what I just said, it was about the root of world depression. And no, it has nothing to do with basketball. Organized sports in any venue are just a cover for the underlying seething frustration embroiled into every event. It's a nice distraction until you think about how many kids went home feeling like s#*t because they couldn't earn the right kind of love. I can't help feeling that complaining about stuff like Hitler makes very little difference in that kind of spotlight. Thank goodness they're still adorable at that age, right? I can't help wanting to hug all the tiny little humanity in their tiny little innocence before it all slips away.

It's just now hitting 6 a.m. and I need to get my day going. Got chili made yesterday, but I need to get on top of stuff just in case. We're supposed to get freezing rain starting any time, so we might lose electric, and I'm out of data plan so if you don't see me logged on somewhere, I'm either taking a nap (unlikely) or don't have power. And I've already been pulled away from this paragraph twice, so here we go. Ok, make that 3 times. It's 6:10 now. My life exactly, constant movement from continual disruption. Beats sitting here like a lump, though. Couldn't handle the years I went through with that. Ok, make that 6 times and now it's 6:15. The latest one was spilled milk. I'm trying to be done with this and it's becoming every 30 seconds now. See ya.