-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Thursday, January 4, 2018

metaphorical caution

From Pretty in Pink Wedding Coffees
"The average caffeine content of an 8-oz, brewed cup of coffee is 95 mg. A single espresso or espresso-based drink contains 63 mg"
From How Much Caffeine in a Cup of Coffee? A Detailed Guide

I can't have both a nice and quiet life and a life well lived, says the cosmos. I woke up to a skirmish between head and heart. My heart yearns, my head is going off like a drill sergeant. I ache for peace, but the screams push me back out.

The typo I just overwrote was super Freudian in a very creepy way, but my skin says it's too tired to make any hairs go up.

I ache for me.

Last year was a long muddle. I know what I have to do to unmuddle it. I need to love the pain again.

I see my neurologist today. 'Real feel' is currently 1 degree. I can't get my house up to 70 degrees inside even with 2 space heaters added to central heat. Getting out today will be fun.

2017 was the year I whined and sat around degrading on pain meds after years of steady improvement. 2018 is the year that 2017 becomes a bad dream.

Little steps to a better future. Embrace the pain that is me and get out of bed, get out of the house, get out there and BE. I want my life back. No one is going to hand me that, and 'real feel' in my very real life is that I especially won't be coddled. I will say this one more time- I was babysitting a very hyper child all by myself only one week out from major surgery. No one checked on me, no one brought me food, no one made sure I was safe in a shower, no one asked if I was ok. I know exactly where I rank in importance and scheduling in the world I've allowed around myself, and I'm going to own it this year. My life, my house, my future. My decisions.

Probably NSFW. I should probably have a trigger warning on this whole blog, actually. Caution: lotta crazy scary scifi reinterpretations and possible applications, but it's not what it looks like. Metaphorically. Meta. Get it? Sweet, now I can title this.


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