I cut my coffee in half this week and swore not to let myself head for anything chocolate to replace it. That is my brainmelt.
So I yapped in posts this week about my phone getting interested in me being twitter flagged, note the tags
and I kid you not, out of the blue for the first time ever I get these emails after my blog traffic ~tripled~.
My personal portfolio seems to be everyone else's business. WE INTERRUPT THIS POST TO LIVE BLOG A DEVIL HAMSTER ESCAPE. Pro tip: Never buy a cheap starter kit cage, kids. Discovered under the fridge around 4 a.m. and lured out later with food, only to disappear again.
After several hours it became an urgent situation, having taken up new residence inside the fan while the fridge wasn't running.
Before it was all over, not only was my fridge taken apart in the middle of my kitchen, but we were pile driving through furniture. I'm good with it. Today was a day of super deep cleaning. Pinky totally approves.
Don't worry, he's safely back in his cage with a towel over it.
WE RETURN YOU TO OUR REGULARLY HAPHAZARDLY SCHEDULED POST.
On the side, I'm hoping I didn't pick up some kind of germ. I have felt awful most of the day, and I'm hoping it's nothing more than a sinus infection. Time's flying, so don't forget about the blue moon lunar eclipse.
I can't have both a nice and quiet life and a life well lived, says the cosmos. I woke up to a skirmish between head and heart. My heart yearns, my head is going off like a drill sergeant. I ache for peace, but the screams push me back out.
The typo I just overwrote was super Freudian in a very creepy way, but my skin says it's too tired to make any hairs go up. I ache for me.
Last year was a long muddle. I know what I have to do to unmuddle it. I need to love the pain again.
I see my neurologist today. 'Real feel' is currently 1 degree. I can't get my house up to 70 degrees inside even with 2 space heaters added to central heat. Getting out today will be fun.
2017 was the year I whined and sat around degrading on pain meds after years of steady improvement. 2018 is the year that 2017 becomes a bad dream.
Little steps to a better future. Embrace the pain that is me and get out of bed, get out of the house, get out there and BE. I want my life back. No one is going to hand me that, and 'real feel' in my very real life is that I especially won't be coddled. I will say this one more time- I was babysitting a very hyper child all by myself only one week out from major surgery. No one checked on me, no one brought me food, no one made sure I was safe in a shower, no one asked if I was ok. I know exactly where I rank in importance and scheduling in the world I've allowed around myself, and I'm going to own it this year. My life, my house, my future. My decisions.
Probably NSFW. I should probably have a trigger warning on this whole blog, actually. Caution: lotta crazy scary scifi reinterpretations and possible applications, but it's not what it looks like. Metaphorically. Meta. Get it? Sweet, now I can title this.
Executive decisions are in order. My new BP med definitely boosts glucose levels, and my morning fasting is now up to 106 instead of the 90s. I get a thumpy heartbeat now after coffee and I know it's the creamer, not the caffeine. Glucose strip testing confirmed I'm getting higher readings now after just coffee, and when my glucose hits 130-140 I get thumpy heartbeats on the way back down to 120, always, anything I eat, no caffeine. I've reconfirmed this many times. Once I'm back below 120, no more thumpy heartbeats. SO. Instead of my 2 large cups of coffee (I've needed rocket fuel for Bunny preschool mornings), it's time to go back to 2 small cups or 1 large cup. That will cut down on some of the lactose bumping my glucose up. (I don't use sweeteners at all in any form, it's just canned milk.)
My menu planning needs to tighten up some more, too. I've been allowing a few starches and sweets here and there, and it's evidently affecting my A1C if my fasting glucose is defaulting higher. If I want to feel well for the holidays, I need to stick to healthy fats and proteins. If I'm going to live well with this new BP med, I need to be smart with my nutrition choices.
Walked through the livingroom last night while @bonenado was flipping channels and caught about a minute of Young Sheldon. Secret from an #actuallyautistic- learning the rules behind breaking the rules was a biggie for me. While the show might've concentrated on the NT viewpoint all around him, what you might not have seen was anyone have a logical discussion with that kid on the rules behind allowing rule breaking (I didn't watch long enough to find out). I have a very sophisticated mental flow chart with many loop counters that I've constructed over many years dealing with this from autistic POV, and I've learned that the rules behind breaking rules is much more important than the structure set up for keeping rules in place. Honestly, I couldn't sit through the show. It was immediately very painful for me. I won't say any more about it, except that I grew up in an era of continual corporal punishment and belittlement. If Young Sheldon helps to change that, great. I just can't rally behind it personally without triggering.
Still not back on server yet, which I'm ok with for the time being. I'm needing to handle a few things around my house and stop putting a couple of other things off. I'm in the pre-holiday-still-funtioning part of fall and need to keep this focus I have before it's gone. Once I get back on server with the new concrete, I may be going some pink places.
I'd have set this to different music, like Craig Chaquico's Dreamcatcher. Both vids are about the same length, so mute the first one and play the second while the first one runs.
click for 4 Ways Coffee Can Keep You Mentally Sharp not paid to link that, just wanted the graphic
take the info with a grain of salt
don't drink a whole pot and wind up in ER with palpitations
I've done that
but I bet their coffee is awesome
Here we go, some counterbalance. Click it for a good Forbes article. This is all real. This is why I stop at 2 cups in the morning now.
You guys know coffee is my last big addiction. I've stopped a couple of times, once for a whole year, but it's really hard when you wake up feeling like crap and need that kick start and can't have any sugar. Click this next for a delightful collection of coffee love.
For people who love techanese and #allthethings and being super smart, click this next pic for a fantastic article.
I love this quote- "Most experts discard the idea that caffeine can be seriously addictive in the vast majority of people. Likewise, it's not very deadly. Sure, 100 cups of coffee in four hours could kill you, but you'd likely vomit or have other physical reactions long before reaching the lethal cup."
Pretty sure I'd be having some pretty outstanding arrhythmias by my 6th cup...
Wording helps me wake up. Research clicking, image linking, speed reading, and word construction are my measure for a good day. If I can do all this before coffee, or with only one cup and completely forgetting to get a second, I know it's going to be a good day.
Continuing this week's coffee surprise theme, I forgot to get the grounds ready last night, @bonenado stumbled out and half blindly put the water on anyway, I stumbled out and cleaned all that up and made actual real coffee while he was putting his contacts in, and my entire coffee operation looks sparkly clean and brand new now. Coffee is a tad strong, but I'm needing it. I forgot that one doesn't just cut off a medrol pack and had a funny afternoon contorting over chairs on ice packs. Blood pressure came down beautifully, though, so I broke the rest of the days' pills in half and took them and then actually slept more than 5 hours. (15 total now in 3 days, yay!) I'll have to remember the 'in half' thing if I ever do this again. I have never tapered well off medrol. I think in past I had to break pills and drag it out a few days at much lower doses.
Wo, was looking up funny memes and when you click this back to source, I think that gobbledygook means it got censored or something. I love it because cheese. *runs off to get some cheese*
Other very stupid and laughable things give that some extra laugh heft, but it's not Pinky stuff, and even though it would boost reader hits galore, that's not how Pinky rolls. I've decided I'm content with my page opener enthusiast, and btw, it's not you, person who commented last time I brought that up. Different country, sorry.
*cheese wafts into brain*
This kid.
They recently moved their wiki, looks nice. I think it's important to share that I'm capable of making $50 in one day off punkins now. I doubt anyone I play with reads that, so no one knows what in the world I'm talking about. When a moderator says they're going to tear down their operation and look into trying your style and then everyone comes out with 'come see my auto-farm' (I don't even auto-farm), you know you've arrived.
Ok, clicking brain into place. After a 2-month hiatus, I did a money and calendar sync yesterday, everything still holding even after a long-term set up and no peeking kind of thing, yay! So even when I feel like brain fail and can't deal, I can trust myself to make sure it doesn't fall apart. That's been a long time coming. The dissonance between how I feel I'm doing inside and how I'm really doing outside is growing, so I'm getting really good at faking or something. I don't actually live the daily faceplant fail that used to be my modus operandi, even when it feels like I do. My neurologist did a short term memory test on me, told me to remember apple, table, penny. A little way into the exam I blurted that I was frustrated that I could remember apple and table and not the other one (having pictured minecraft apple and table, right?). He said coin, I automatically said penny. I haven't forgotten them since, and my memory is actually very good for someone my age, despite the very real brain fail I've been through. However, everything my life is like that, stuff falling out all day long and me staring at empty slots wondering what was there. I'm just really good at dealing with it because I've lived this way so long. People still say "Remember the time when you exited onto the wrong ramp and went down a highway backward?" They still let me drive. Anyway, I think minecraft, and particularly the added interaction on Mo Creatures is helping me retain, remember, and stay on track in the background more amid constant disruption, so my brain feels much more agile than it used to.
Another player named a villager after me. 😄
The headache is strong with me today, nothing terrible (yet, hopefully topping out as we speak), so I'm going back to bed. Who knows, that might just work.
My Monday started with flipping a broken purple pen into my first cup of beautiful coffee. How's yours? Wish I'd taken a pic and used it as today's demotivational poster, but here's an even better one from someone else. Click it for more fun.
I haven't had a medrol pack in so many years. I remember being miserable on them, and now I know why- my extended blood pressure spike is incredible. If I lived like that all the time I'd be dx'd stage 2 hypertension, which is considered extremely serious, so I may forego the rest of the medrol pack. The goal was to reduce possible fibro flare induced tissue swelling around craniocervical area, which was also spiking my blood pressure, and something's working because that pressure is gone, so hopefully this all settles back down fairly quickly now. All I can do is just keep an eye on it for a few days.
I spent Derby Day on Mo Creatures. Is it any surprise? But I did stop and watch the pre-parade and the big race. I know some people might think it silly to make a big deal out of little things like a fairy horse on a minecraft server, but a years long loose string came together beautifully in my heart and head over it, and only a tiny handful of people have a clue why, because I never talk about it.
A difficult era has begun in family around me, setting the background behind Pinky blog for a few weeks or months. I like to stay focused on my own stuff here, but want to recognize loved ones coming together in support and many big feelings. I know this is probably a weird way to pay homage, but the story behind Purple Rain is important, the spirit of sport is a big part of us, and yes, half the state just flooded, so I'm deeply appreciating this video this morning. (I'm loling that it's a Saints field in a Vikes family, but I do have a Saints fan in the house lately...) The love is strong in this family in spite of some very long hard roads.
I wish my parents had had meme humor years ago. This clicks to an excellent post by a cool parent.
I'm currently barely functioning and about to slide into rocket fuel. Careful with this one, if you click you'll get sucked into pinterest and never come back.
Nearly to the end of my physical therapy extension, and I woke up in such a mid back left rib shoulder blade spasm that I had to arch over chairs and the sink and other crazy contortions before I could even lift the coffee to pour a cup. Knocked a painting off a wall, broke right out of the frame. Wish I could say my super klutz outfit is in the wash, but apparently I slept in it. I don't know what it is about physical therapy that gets everyone so excited in there (all my little cells), but this is my per usual, needing a break from PT. Wouldn't it be cool if we could actually see other people's pain like this? I bet we'd be real surprised what people all around us live with and never say a word. Click for a much more organized fibro blog than mine.
Ok, first cup down, second cup and then a shower and then gogogo out my door to a stack of stuff. I can do this.
Since @bonenado is off today and chauffeuring me around, I'll be free to space out and think about what else I want to do in Mo Creatures. The weekend is coming, and I've been piling up the enchanted armors getting ready for the big melees while my clan has been stuck at work irl.
If you guys ever need to be able to say "I know a person who washes trash cans with real soap and takes things apart to disinfect or clean tiny hard to reach places", that's me.
Slowly getting my house super stripped. Learning just how much work one raisin on the bottom of a person's shoe can create later. I was down on the linoleum scraping smears of sticky raisin leather because nothing else I did was working. They should make superglue and nail polish out of raisins.
Totes forgot about my fantasy team till this morning, but it's cool, no one played yet. I'm currently 5-7 and 8th place, solid hold on that plastic cup level of possible prize winning. @bonenado is 9-3 in first place, a 'champion of champions'. He's obsessive over fantasy ball teams like I am over stat trackers.
Speaking of stat trackers, I'm trying to downgrade my statcounter account to just barely above free and facepalming because I forgot that means I'll have to reload all those tracker codes now on the projects that are still left. I'll do it later. Not in the mood. I've reduced it so far down now, once the big year thing I paid for last spring expires (practically infinity data logs), it'll be like weaning off any other addiction. I just need to stop it.
I looked up billing history on several internet toys. It's no different from other people paying to go to movies or salons or something, but it adds up, and the cost/benefit isn't holding up any more. I'm disillusioned. Meh, it was fun. Moving on.
This background is animated, really cool.
I'm 4 days into reducing my coffee intake, too. Yowza, you say. Yes, I say, I'm a glutton for punishment. I love torturing myself. Sweet caffeine withdrawal headache all weekend. Noticed this fall I had ramped up to 4-5 cups a day (plus coffee ice cream), so I'm working on holding back down at 2 cups in the morning and half a cup at noon. Really need to get back to one cup a day. Grabbing coffee at all hours is a sign I'm not managing my nutrition and sleep very well.
I finally wiped my history since I got Jawn last January. 17K+ items, not including temp files. Wiped those, too. My deep cleaning is off the hook this week.
Bunny has a tonsillectomy in less than 2 weeks. After that fixed point in time, everything in our lives will revolve around recovery, Christmas, and whatever the week between Christmas and New Years holds. I am doing everything in my power to brace for impact.
At any rate, the new bathroom rugs are now down, everything else washable has been stripped and the last of it runs through today, once my kitchen floor is done, I'm going down the minecraft hole for awhile. The only things left will be 1- light remodel/restructure of counter surfaces for holiday (that doesn't sound at all light, does it?), and 2- menu planning. My fridge is BARE.
Side note- Anyone thinking of getting me sox this year, please donate sox to homeless shelters. They need them way more than I do. Thank you.
I'm a euphoric crab. Let's see, what can we find to appease me so I'll get off here and get busy again...
Eating coffee ice cream at 10:30 last night wasn't the brightest idea I've had, but hey, it was ~partytime~! Unfortunately, my personal party time continued till about 1:00 a.m., long past Bunny and Papa falling asleep. And I am the first one dragging back up at 6 a.m. hovering over coffee like a hobo over a tiny fire.
The party began just before sundown when prehistoric Bunny walked into our house. This is a pic mama got her to stand still for, there's no way I could've gotten a pic myself last night because she was so wound up from a party at her daycare. She looooooves having a tail.
A Batman pic came in, too, with a notation that this was his attitude toward pumpkins the entire time, which cracks me up.
I did loads of multitasking during last night's #Stakeland2 live tweet on @Syfy. First, I got bumped to the TV in the bedroom because Bunny was watching Care Bears on the big TV, then 5 minutes later she was running back and forth between rooms making a game out of bringing me fake meals, then she wanted another bread and butter sandwich (wound up making 3, and she got jelly all over the couch, but that was Papa's problem). I can't believe I was able to live tweet at all since I was missing so much, but it kinda made it way more fun.
For a super dead live tweet, I got a sweet 199 impressions on this one
and I couldn't believe this one pulled in 250.
I know, I'm excited over that when last week I pulled in 14K just on one tweet during a live tweet. I think the dead live tweets are more challenging, like a game. If you can score, it's real.
Anyway, Bunny found the change bowl and stuck her fingers in my face commanding me that we were going to play pennies for "2 MINUTES" (funny how they mimic what adults do, so now I'm wondering who got in her face about "2 MINUTES" because she looked pretty stern and kept repeating it), so we spent 20 minutes sorting and resorting pennies, big ones, tiny ones, and nickels (nickels are always the hardest)
and by the time I got back to the live tweet, only 2 people got the joke, and I'm pretty sure one of them wasn't even watching.
I love controlled chaos, so of course I let Bunny break all the eggs herself this morning, but later I took the heat for the bit of shell she ran into that put her off the rest of her scrambled eggs. I could easily blame the sous chef, but meemaw admitted fault for missing one of about 20 pieces of shell that got picked out. Bad chef! NO TIP FOR ME!
And then Papa was her best friend for awhile going outside while I cleaned up. This is a rare capture, they're usually blurs. Mama would be horrified at the glorious unmatchiness since Bunny pretty much grew up baby GAP at home, so hopefully 60s hippie meemaw doesn't get called on this, lol.
I regained my uber cool status when we got this thing going. That was an interesting mess. Papa said the little bones tasted sour, so he munched on those while Bunny discovered candy corn. Mama is going to have a big surprise later between the black icing and the quart of grapes she's eaten so far.
Most of the rest of this is rambly, but I'm parking thoughts here so I'll know later about when I was thinking them. I'll need point of reference if things change.
Other stuff going on in the background this weekend has included researching a couple of host sites that will allow me to build my own webpage from scratch, which would be as close to self-hosting as I could get without actually running my own server 24/7. The big photobucket fail for several hours was very disturbing, and I need a redundancy plan.
I need this... I'll probably never own one.
I may also wind up going into partial seclusion sometime in hopefully the not too near future (I haven't been talking about the 3 writing projects I keep diving into on the side on top of everything else, because alla sudden there is real science coming out about some of the ideas I first got 10-20 years ago and I could have totally been vindicated by now if I'd gotten those into print), and the neverending cycle of not feeling like I'm getting anywhere is shredding my attitude, so somehow I've gotta collect myself and focus on the Plans around my stack of spirals, which mysteriously float hither and yon. Bunny nearly pulled a stack out of a sack last night, and I was diving for it going NOOOOOOoooooooo.....
By the way, this wins facebook this week, click for the source.
Another thing I've been thinking deeply about for a couple of months is titrating off the xanax again. It's super low dose, I haven't been back on it that long, I've got back up from gabapentin now, and my health is super this time around (my first titration lasted 2 years coming out of illness that had taken me down for several years), so surely I can do this again. I know, right, titrating off a mood stabilizer over holidays, but seriously, I think it's important to keep letting my nervous system try to heal, and suppressing GABA receptors probably isn't the best way to do that. I'll hafta grain by grain it, I'm not stupid. It could take a year to get clean again without going through nasty withdrawal.
This wins, too, and clicks to source.
I have a sleep study Monday night. I'm hoping daily zyrtec-gabapentin-xanax doesn't skew it, because I'm not comfortable with the way I'm zonking so hard lately, and I really don't want to wind up on some kind of breathing assistance while I sleep. I understand it's important to brain health, but it's not the answer to underlying problems. I'm not that overweight, and I've noticed that even sitting up I automatically stop breathing when I fall asleep, and I think it's because I'm so relaxed that I just don't breathe for awhile. I've been doing this for years, but it's worse lately and I think the gabapentin isn't letting me wake up like I'd prefer to do. Fibromyalgia is much easier to deal with in the mornings if I'm not conked like a log straight through the night with very little position change. The more I move around through the night, the easier the next day is, have noticed this for years. When a doctor asks if I'm sleeping good, I point blank say I prefer not to sleep good, because I actually hurt less when I wake up a lot, because I get up and walk around. I know this is screwing up the deep sleep rhythms that need to keep cycling without interruption, but so is everything else, meds especially. I'd rather sleep 6 or less hours a night than 8 hours a night, and I think that's been a natural thing for me since childhood because I've always woken up a lot through the night. I don't know how people can sleep 10 hours away. That's like a once in 5 years event for me.
Wo, this is cool.
I think I've had enough of the whole 'you owe me' swap on social medias. I don't owe anyone follow backs or friend adds on twitter or facebook or to keep a polite connection when they abandon or don't interact, and I'm using an app that's letting me see accounts that have gone inactive. Since I've so rigorously scrubbed my twitter twice now, I was really surprised to find out 300+ more accounts have simply gone dormant just in the last 3-6 months, so since there's nothing for me to keep up with, I'm waving goodbye to them. Likewise, I have finally embraced exclusionary lists on facebook when the need arises. Several acquaintances don't seem to understand my preference for respect and courtesy across all of humanity in a public venue, and since it's MY page, I'm going to start taking my cue from a couple of very visible and prominent female celebrities I'm friended with and simply cut people off when it happens. I've been able to remain as public as I can for 4 years now so that lurkers and followers don't have to jump hoops just to see what I'm doing, and all it takes is a few to undermine the integrity of my content and degrade it into mockery or hate. I'm done with that. I don't owe anyone equal time on my own turf. No one ever sees how many friend adds I decline. I'm about ready for people who ignore the real me to get a clue. I'm not on social media to be used.
That comes from a neat tiny little blog post by a big Central City fan from way back in 2011. Click the big red circle to check it out.
And that comes from a nearly 2 year old spoiler post full of behind the scenes pix. I'm loving that cup looking so Flash-y.
Yesterday was a big boof in my cosmos, and I just kept my head in MoC. First, I got super distracted with trying to do 3 things during a phone call that came in earlier than usual and couldn't tell or remember if I'd taken my noon gabapentin, so had to call the pharmacy and make sure I could skip it. I've been so notorious for med dosing problems that I have tiny spirals going back several years filled with daily dose log times, and even with that, I have to go through a very specific routine taking whatever med and logging it or I won't remember if I really took it or not, and that can get pretty dangerous with some meds. (I ask my brain if I took something, it says Which day? I got years of taking that twice a day...) I once doubled my blood pressure pill and then was pure goofball in traffic because bradycardia for the first time EVER in my whole life, which actually got caught on a holter, so that was a big wake up call because I'd been driving around being really weird in traffic. You wanna know why some wrecks happen? People probably do just that. And if you think about it, sometimes they do that on top of other meds and even alcohol or something else, so watch out for those goofballs out there. (This might explain some of the cars not stopping on the bus driver vid I shared on facebook yesterday, but that's me being generous and assuming not all those people were dicks on purpose.)
So I missed a gabapentin dose, pharm said no prob, just skip, I'm all thumbs up, and by the time I finally took it my head was wonky super headache coming on, and the relief was so real so fast that I got a good heads up why I'll never leave home without that bottle of pills on me now, and I guess it's time to get the bracelet saying I'm on it since I'm still tolerating it so well. Yes, that med needs a bracelet, very important bcuz super brain probs if I'm ever in a situation where I can't speak for myself.
Yes, there is a second, and that was my phone. I don't know what the what, but I can't call an 800# out without it going all spammy and randomly taking me to numbers trying to sell me something (like phone bot spam or something) instead of customer service with a specific company, and then after 3 attempts I suddenly got the YOUR PHONE HAS BEEN DEACTIVATED in my ear. Boink it, went back to MoC.
I spent the day yesterday pulling much of my scattered wealth together. I've got 12 places I can tp to between town spawn, store warp, 7 outposts, and 3 'homes', plus I run to other places I have close by (I consider crossing only one ocean 'close by'), and I've been working on how to let go of one of the homes so I can re-home to my new place in the castle. It involved a lot of flying and mapping coordinates and moving loads of stuff out of scattered chests to more centralized locations. I do a lot of wilderness work and I'm getting super rich doing it, although most of my visible wealth goes into town deposit and whole chests full of luxury blocks. I think I've actually used more bulk obsidian than anyone else playing that server.
This is much shorter than the last couple of vids, thank goodness. Key items are noticing a giant golem (the kind that tears everything up building itself before it explodes) can't seem to tear apart town property at all like it did my village, and then I discovered I was in Alien's (supermod) township, so I had to check that out from a distance (I had no idea the unclaimed castle I discovered was practically next door), and then as I was using coordinates to sprint back to my place, around 4:15 in I got total proof of spontaneous aggressive mob spawn (spawntaneous, lol) in broad daylight. I counted 3 witches, 2 wolves, and a couple things on fire that could've been zombies and/or skeletons, and I *think* maybe a winged bat horse, so all those times I told a couple friends I was suddenly plunging through 7 mobs all at once- vindicated. I think they think I'm a little crazy exaggerating sometimes, but I really do get some weird stuff all over me on MoC. And then after that I find my way into the castle to my new digs. Btw, this cover pic on this vid is NOT either one of ours.
Was looking for something else and ran right into this person selling these cool cards. Click it.
I've been dropping my phone a LOT again this last couple of weeks, but I go back into therapy in 9 days, so hopefully we can stop that sliding backward stuff. I'm not sure what's going on, but the nerve pain I've put up with for years on the left side of my head and face has been flaring up on the right last couple weeks, as well, so I don't know if it's related. Indication during last round of therapy was that the nerve entrapment was starting with my neck, so... Guess we'll see what happens.
*Reminder for later when I proofread- check if that form is time sensitive!*
My new sunglasses from China arrived. They're nearly black-out level, I'll be able to use them when I'm riding along in the car with my wrap around sunglasses and be like I'm sitting in the dark. After I opened them I went outside with them, was like total eclipse, just wonderful super low light level. I can't wear my glasses with them, and I can't wear contacts, so I'll be on the edge of legally blind wearing those, but I'll look hella cool.
I had a really nasty bad year a few years back where the pain in my eyes was so bad that I just kept them shut outside all the time when Scott took me shopping. I'd hold his arm and he'd walk me across parking lots into the stores. Coming back out into the bright sunlight was so painful I could barely force my eyes open at all very briefly when he let me know a curb was coming up or something. Even riding along in the car was so difficult with sunlight flashing through trees that he got the windows tinted, plus I wear sunglasses in the car. Well, that stabby pain is back, and it's getting hard driving this summer. I didn't notice this pain until we switched meds around, so I can't tell yet if it's a result of meds or a background noise that was being drowned out by the worse pain shocks elsewhere before I started the meds. Nervous systems are funny things, it's really hard to tell where pain actually is because it refers so easily. I've located this eye pain to a nerve originating out of the back of my head, and the needle point in this picture is exactly where it is. When I press my fingertip on a teeny tiny very sore muscle back there and move my eyes to look upper right at the same time, that spot and my right eye ping real hard simultaneously.
I know people who've had shots in the backs of their heads, and since I was turned down for spinal injections by a surgeon several years ago because I'm super high risk for everything going wrong (medical history), I'm hoping physical therapy can continue helping with this, because in the last couple years they've cut most of the pain down so much that I actually enjoy life now. The base of my skull had the thickest scar tissue, and it took weeks (3 months, actually) of continuous rigorous work freeing me up and giving me some mobility back, and THAT is when the nasty headaches finally stopped. I lived with indescribable nerve headaches for years that had me praying to go deaf and blind if only the pain would stop. I know now that nerve fail wouldn't have necessarily made the pain cease, so I'm glad I never went deaf and blind.
~~~~~~~~
And another packet of forms came in the mail. I have only 3 days to get these filled out before I take them in. I've been officially flagged for genetic testing for hereditary cancers. I could have been flagged years ago, so I guess my age has something to do with it now. I also have other homework besides the forms. I've already watched 2 other education videos for the sleep study and another procedure that aren't happening until October, and now I have this education video about this genetic testing and a 'personalized cancer risk reduction plan', so it almost feels like I'm back in college or something.
This is now Tuesday. How was I smart last night and just crawling to coffee this morning? It's usually the other way around.
click me
And I'm starting off sneezing despite being on double zyrtec now. This looks to be a brutal season coming up. We may be a day early on this. Click it to check where you are.
There's a watermelon under my table that needs cutting up today, hopefully I remember that, too. *Tell @bonenado to get that onto a countertop before he leaves for work, thanx.* We keep melons on the air vent down there, keeps them cool, seems to work well. It's the coldest part of the floor in the whole house.
This post is boring me to tears. Hang on. Ok, I'ma go do stuff, you guys go do stuff, too.
