like, pretend your villain isn't terribly empathic or something

This is a think piece, in case you miss that.

Sometimes I wanna sit and write out all the stuff I would've done in your place kind of thing. Like, lemme show you how to be a better sneak, a sharper thief, a wittier manipulator, a more cunning liar, a farther seeing revenger, a more thorough getting even thinker. The fail I see others stumbling through drives me crazy.

The key to all great successes is simply don't tell anyone. If you have to tell someone, anyone, then you aren't ready for the big leagues. If you can't stand holding it all in and need to spell it all out or you'll pop, you're not that terribly serious. You might still be dangerous and whatever, but you ultimately fail in evil villainry.

You can't have cult followings or pyramid schemes and be ultimately successful. You might be a terribly evil genius, yes, but you will still ultimately fail. Because someone knows.

You are the only one who can know. If anyone ever traces anything back to you for any reason whatsoever, that is fail. If you go blabbing, it's uber fail. If you actually organize, that's so facepalm fail that you wind up being the example of how to fail.

Needing to spill is the greatest weakness.

Conversely, using spill to bait, using truth and vulnerability to snap the trap, and please understand I don't mean being fake vulnerability or acting here, but literally allowing yourself to be stabbed in the back as part of the revenge, now that is heritage cognac level evil villainry.

And let's be honest. Half of you reading this just compared notes, and the other half thought of people you fear. We're not talking about Penguin level leverage and fail here, although I'd love to get hold of a few writers and shake them. We are talking every day people. Everyone holds a grudge, and half of you want to do something about it.

So the key to success is staying quiet. Winning is the actual success. Define what winning is. This is where I am so keenly disappointed in most people that I can barely take anyone seriously. Winning isn't about squashing someone like a bug. Winning is about quietly creating what you'd really like to see happen. People who succumb to thinking that bug squashing means happiness and freedom are pathetic losers and don't deserve to win anyway. Winning is about fixing the problem that creates the bugs in the first place. You don't want a bug? Turn that whole person or situation into a not-bug. Don't make it someone else's problem. Make it not a problem at all.

I know, some of you are actually thinking about killing, maiming, or at least making someone cry as a solution. NO. That's not the solution. The solution isn't about removing or screwing with anyone or anything. Winning isn't about making everything else around it worse. Your scope of vision is far too narrow if that's how you are problem solving.

The whole reason this came up is because I keep running into successions of writing prompts, writing tips, writing memes, writing flaws, and so on ad nauseam. Everyone has the answer to how to make a better villain in a story. The problem with stories is that villains lose. Even if they are winning big for a very long time, they still lose.

The biggest writing fail of our times is making the villain lovable, giving the villain an out. Villains come to their senses, they are seduced by cuteness and some kind of love, they are just sad stories at the core like the rest of us. They are human. NO. A truly evil despicable villain is so unlovable, so broken, so ruined and cruel and obnoxiously loathsome that no one could ever really *care* about that person in their wildest dreams.

Case in point, Gollum. The very best you can do is barely take a little faint pity on the guy once being a simple soul. The rest is pure foul hatred that there is no coming back from. He would never dream of taking on an apprentice, like Palpatine does. The Emperor is a doddering grandfather compared to Gollum. Let's see Palpatine pull off the biggest power heist of the universe with no Senate support, and no Force. Nothing stopped Gollum, and dang if he didn't actually have the Ring back by the time it was over. The Ring itself couldn't stop him from utterly annihilating it with his twisted love.

It's cute to make villains adorable or fashionable or something fondishly cool to be a fan of, like Pixel. Why are we doing this to stories nowadays? Why are villains doing Disney showtunes? Why is Luna Girl the kind of brat we all dream of being deep down inside?

Writer gods forgive me for slamming tips back before I'm officially published, but if you can't Khan your villain into some level of unforgivable, I just can't myself. I can't read or watch stuff that has me feeling warm fuzzies for the super villain without the entire story caving in. If I'm hoping the villain wins, it's either because the story is some genre of mockery or the story is that bad.

Draw a hard line over which your morals don't step around your villains. Make your villains so hateable that no one ever forgets them. Drop the cute and hurt yourself writing what the hell happened. Some of us are out here depending on you to stop slathering evil with fun bathtub coloring soaps. And glitter. Stop that.

Evil needs to be evil. Because that is what evil is. Anything less is propaganda. Something to think about.

human thought congealing onto physical items

click for cool photography

Finally had to throw a pair of my fave jeans away. Pretty sure I've had them at least 8 years, and they're irreplaceable since they stopped making that kind. I used to do extensive online searches, they're just gone. Oh, well. I'll never forget them. But I got another pair of jeans on $5 clearance yesterday just because it's an out of season color, so I'm all good. Shazam.

There's a worldwide convo going on again lately about shadowbanning. A lot of people don't realize this isn't new. They're getting so good at it that we're allowed to use it ourselves now. We can unfollow without unfriending, we can mute without a notification going out about it. We can keep our followers without losing them even though we don't want to see what they say. So we ourselves also shadowban our own friends and families.

So we get to use medias created and hosted by corporations that allow us to use their services for free. If it involves communication, we get some level of free use with certain agreements. We are allowed to communicate with one another. No one questions this, in fact, many think it's their right to use this free service. We have been lead to believe we have the right to use communication services free of charge.

Everything from there is a matter of definition, and pretty much a joke. We hand our words and thoughts over to free hosting services and expect them to 'play fair' and 'be legal' and whatever. Then when those free services start making our usage a little more difficult, we protest. We have to right to use others' properties in the way we see fit. Right?

Someone is making money on you wanting to communicate with their 'free' communication service. How they make that money gets hotly debated over all around the world. How we keep allowing them to use us as part of their branding products to make that money blows my mind. But it's what we've got, and yes, I use devices and platforms myself.

So we're on the brink of the types of communication we're allowed to have being redefined, and a lot of how they'll control it is through shadowbanning. Is that unfair?

I'm not arguing for companies to be able to abuse customers who don't yet realize they are literally part of the product. I'm not saying we should be ok with communication being cut off behind our backs without our knowing it. I'm especially not saying it's ok for our communication to be hacked and monitored, but when all boils down, I'm glad they can be legally ordered to share that in, say, missing persons cases and stuff. Which pretty much means they legally do have to monitor...

I shared a post yesterday about U.S. citizens being able to legally mail children through the postal service for a short time in our past. Can you imagine? But, think about it, snail mail is currently the only private communication you can have with anyone across a distance. Well, I don't know about around the entire world, but you know what I mean. The world just doesn't have the man power to open every envelope, you know? Yet they can easily monitor every word you say on a phone nowadays.

Perhaps it's time to relearn the finer arts of snailing our thoughts around again. Maybe it's time to get back to actually paying for our own communication with a book of stamps. All this free stuff is corrupting us, blinding us to what we believe is our right when we're all being herded into communication corrals and locked up with shadowbanning.

I guess a lot of you don't even remember not having email. You can't imagine living without instant communication. You don't know that it's possible to get the most important things said so privately that no one ever knows but you. Imagine having a machine to type on and there being no record of anything you ever type to come back and bite you. No hard drive, no other owner, no big brother.

Pencils and paper are important. If you are ever stuck in a blackout, on a stalled highway, or somewhere else with tech fail going down all around you, YOU CAN STILL COMMUNICATE. I fondly think of it as someone reading my mind through time.

Spiral notebooks are like security blankets. When all else fails, keep a notebook with you in the car, in your purse or a bag, just keep one around everywhere you go, and you will always be able to communicate. Why am I saying this? Well, I can imagine a scenario where all our phones go dead, where the grid goes down, where we literally cannot access social medias to see what is going on, cannot get a call through to anyone about what is going on, and what we'll be left with is writing down what is going on.

Don't be a slave and think you are helpless when it all goes down. Be ready to own your future. And I'll tell you right now I'm not going to harass you one bit about grammar and spelling and penmanship as long as you can get ideas across. The most important idea in the world could be written in pictographs, and I would be fine with that. Throw in a few maps and depictions of what's going on, write out what's happening, share your feelings, make paper airplanes, be human.

And if nothing bad ever happens, think about keeping some paper and pencils around anyway. They practically keep forever.

fronting till it all falls into place, right

I cannot believe the last 2 years. Or the 2 years before that. The ten before that. Actually, my whole life.

K, obvs making changes. Started all this crawling up the side of a steep jagged mountain an inch at a time, seem to have leveled up during a few plateaus looking back and assessing, feels now like I'm on a hiking path past the worst of the jungle, still ascending but stopping for picnic breaks and enjoying the view.

Outside is fog and nearly freezing drizzle. Inside is laundry going and space heater and coffee. The bathrooms got cleaned a couple hours ago. I've got the house dark so it looks like no one is home. I should probably eat something. Been up 4 hours and no food yet.

Changing up how I do stuff this year. No more linking to facebook, sorry about that. Reminder links are easy to make, but I never did it to bait my friends, and family knows where to find me. Since facebook is now private, I don't need to hook public over there. I probably won't link this on twitter, either. Most of these go to G+ automatically, so I'll leave that, like a digital paper trail.

I'm kinda looking around again and really surprised at the amazingly clean web presence I developed. It's crisp, not too corroded with overlays of mashup presence. A lot of people don't know how to stand out and don't realize their presence entangles with similar others. In spite of accidentally picking one of the porniest names in the world (really, actually) and a very common name in several countries (people have actually mistaken me for far flung family on facebook a few times), and even a common name in business (there are at least 12 Pinky Guerrero people vying for profile space across the networks and social medias that I have counted), I seem to have a fairly straightforward WebMii presence.  WebMii is horrible for mashup, so that's a great way to check on that.

But I'm kinda not caring about that now. It's all in place. The launch setup was the really hard part. A lot of people jump onto merching without a clue about launch and market, and hopefully this is enough now to take the next step.

I haven't talked about that stuff in awhile, have I? 😁

I cannot see my future. I'm sure my life and personal plans will continue to be blitzed and I'll continue to keep picking up pieces and navigating around the pop up challenges. Whatever.

Guess we'll see what happens this year.

things going on before the calendar flips

March 2007
egg and feather courtesy of Jaizzy, collectible tray via my grandmother

Random photobucket pix for no reason.

Dec. 30, Saturday

Cut 7 inches off my hair. You can't even tell because it was so long. It's still past my shoulder blades. I talk about my hair more on my spaz blog. I mention it sometimes on this blog, too. If you're having hair issues, I seem to be solving mine naturally if you want to look through those link threads.

July 2007
snapping turtle in our yard, wouldn't let go of the flip flop

Went through my closet and all my drawers for charity donations and discovered that since the gallbladder removal, I'm a size smaller in shirt size now. Nice! (Didn't even lose weight for that, lol. Guess my poor tummy was puffy for a good reason.) I still like big and comfy, but I'm medium chested, so blouses have always fit funny. I might be able to get some sweet clearance blouses at Penney's if I can go down a size now.

I nabbed this many years ago from the original Hampster Dance site

Making chocolate pie for Papa because he's been exceptionally good this week being home with me and Bunny while she's off school. Pudding pies have less sugar than some pies (and way less starch than pastries and cookies!), and I bulk up the eggs from 3 to 5 or 6 (meringue with extra whites and still only a tiny bit of sugar is excellent), and with the milk that's pretty much a chocolate flavored protein pie. I don't do those very often any more, but that's going on today. I'm diabetic and am successfully controlling with diet, which I talk about in several places but lightly recapped into one handy post. I know it's hard, and I really hope I can help. Btw, don't be dumb and plow the pie down too fast. One piece, wait a couple hours before you dive in again. Be smart about controlling your glucose levels.

February 2007
proof that my husband was not the only person there with a camera taking pix of people they love standing in a line
why this was such a huge deal I'll never understand

Working on a new winter/spring syllabus to get me organizeder around here again. For awhile I was really good at daily/weekly/monthly lists and last couple years those have gotten more and more bombed with real life stuffs, so I need to find a more permanent way to keep my lists in front of my face. Bunny has a little chart... I might need to get me a chart going. She'll be jealous of my stickers. I may need to rethink her little chart because it uses magnets and those are kind of backfiring. She sneaks magnets on. Maybe stickers are the answer.

January 2007
I used to mock Scott's Minnesota teams
I know right, baseball Cubbies all month during the Superbowl wait
we're still married...

Dec. 31, Sunday

Watching the fireworks go off around the world on twitter. Wondering if I'll be able to stay up tonight like I hoped. Maybe I can get a nap.

March 2010

I have a long day ahead of me. A new year is nearly here. I can't see my future very well, but I do know that I'm ready to capsize all the boats now. A little toast to 2018, and hopes that I finally say it all. I'm ready to move on to the fun stuff.

several blurs later

Check out this coolness.

Barry sent official letters, pretty awesome!

I need to look for frames. 😁

click for space humor on pinterest

So I'm looking at this movie reviewer's all-time stats since 2014 after reviewing 1,078 films (no one any of you guys know, but I found his Lexx review), and the only stats he has is about actual content, like 35 countries the movies he's seen were made in. As far as I can tell, the goal is to tic off as many movies as he can from several different lists, like IMDb top 250 and Oscar Best Picture Winners kind of thing, and in 3 years he has spent 1,847 hours watching these films so he can write little paragraphs and tic lists. That's his stats.

I, on the other hand, have no idea how many movies I've seen, how many directors I've gotten to know through their work, how many hours I've spent watching any particular thing or even all the things, but I can see that the thread with yesterday's review commentary that I put on SyfyDesigns.com has over 4300 views on it, that my Walking Dead think piece has over 13K now, and that my James T. Kirk homage now has over 17K. I can't really see where they're coming from, like I sometimes can on a couple of my own blogs. Today I got a street view of someone's house from stats on one of my other blogs, but that's really rare, and don't worry, I still don't have a clue who it really is.

We all do what we love, play the games that keep us going on this little blue planet. Whatever keeps turning this earth for us, right?

Every year I assess where I'm at, check it against how far I've come, and make a plan about how to continue. "The way forward is sometimes the way back."


From a year ago, give or take a few days.

I dreamed the other night that someone gently kissed me and told me to keep going. I won't say who, but it was extremely significant because it's not someone I'd ever have thought of on purpose, but definitely someone significant. I think I was being told to turn back to my original direction, the one direction that has always held true for me.

I have wanted to quit so. many. times.

I'm still not going to say who it was, but I will say that direction did hold true when all else was failing me this year. It's been a very hard year to stay focused and keep any kind of direction. Despite my facepalm super fail feels most of the year, reader spikes doubled and I pretty much just fell to my knees and onto my face wondering how stuff like that even happens.

I didn't know what to do with it, so I came this close to abandoning Pinky blog till the numbers dropped back to some semblance of normal, which took about 4 months. I thought about going after bigger tracking systems and roundly vetoed that with a few metaphorical slaps to my own face, and jumped clear into a tuck and roll while the stats thundered by, then peeked out of the bushes a bit after it kinda died back down. It's bad enough that I obsess over maps, and worse (or a blessing???) that my life has been upside down for the last 8 months. Time to walk away and not look at the numbers.

Best move I ever made. Got my breath, felt my brain start to purr again, tossed a little catnip out for it, and watched it start pouncing again. That felt really good.

So here we are, a 4 year old zooming around me

several blurs later, I finally got her to be still...

and @bonenado's show on the TV and the phone ringing and mama coming home any minute now and the next 2 hours of wonderful chaos reigning with a Christmas tree in the background behind my messy floors and dishes piling up on the counter.

I consider myself very lucky. I also think about my mom a lot. I wasn't shiftless or anything, because I worked hard, but I was selfish and spent many a night running with a rough crowd while she put my kiddo to bed after my own divorce, and I truly appreciate Bunny's mama not falling into that crazy life crash trap. I'm happy being part of this chaos because I see us being a team getting through a challenge together. I didn't know how to do that when I was younger.

I take full blame otherwise for my entire year diverting onto the slow track. I started off not feeling well and ignoring the real problem, thankfully that is solved now. I slugged my way against my own current and then lost myself in white waters, but along the way I found my joy, and that was exactly what I needed, so I don't count this year a waste at all. With that in mind, now I can properly assess.

Pinky blog clearly outstrips my spoonie blog, my fansite blog, my aspienado blog, my minecraft blog, I could go on, but it has never pulled in the specific high traffic like I get at SyfyDesigns. I should be over there more, and I do have good intentions. Currently in my background is a very noisy kid game going on, some kind of wack a mole music thing, and there is no place to hide in this house, which I call my spaceship. This is where I could argue with filmmakers showing personnel walking endless hallways in spaceships while they talk- my house doesn't have a single hallway in 3 floors of it, not even a very short one. It's the most efficient house you've ever seen. There is no escape. I can close a door, but anyone with a 4 year old in the house knows that's an invitation to be swooped on and winds up with all kinds of bouncing on beds and bringing #allthetoys and stuff like that. So when I think about needing to do stuff over at SyfyDesigns, I almost immediately collapse into exhaustion mode and crawl back to real life. But it's definitely priority. I've already lost a couple of lists about directions and goals over there, and I want to jump back over in 2018 with a vengeance. We'll come back this time next year and see if I laugh sarcastically or triumphantly.

I've never compared all my blogs in one place before, mostly because I barely work on most of them, but I'm curious what the all-time top post is on each one.

WordPress blogs

Arch Heretic- top post Stalking Mike Bilinski 101

Aspienado- top post Me and Willy Wonka, or, How I Learned I’m Aspie

DuckLordsOfTheSith- top post when the pecking order gets a little ugly

JanikaBanks- top post Help me choose an author pic

ExistentialAspie- About is the only thing available to read

Blogger blogs

Surveypalooza- top post Future Survey

spaz- top post things that have dramatically impacted my depression and anxiety levels

YabloVH on Minecraft- top post slain by brian

Lexxperience- top post Zev vs Xev

Pinky's Sox- top post The Sox of Truth

Staircase of Satan, Pond of Death- top post my Dear Jeff letter

That wasn't an exhaustive blog list because some of them have no tracking whatsoever any more (Xanga), a few more remain private, and one is unlisted and I'm not going to link it.

The point to assessing is to gather info and learn. On the blogs with very few posts, I was surprised at the incoming to the home pages (like people checking on the dotcoms themselves) were in the hundreds every year since I made them, especially on my two 'official' placeholders. One of those has been checked nearly every single day for 3 solid years. Had to put my eyeballs back in after they fell out. On the blogs with more goal-oriented directions, it was very surprising to find posts I didn't expect hitting the top all-time.

And then out of 1,111 published posts here on Pinky blog (this post is 1,112), my all-time top post now is summer syllabus. Most of my posts here average between 50-100, some hit around 300 once in awhile, but this was one of two that went over 2000. I'm sure it got caught up in the weird surgey spike last summer, whatever that was, but even then it was nearly double the other stuff also caught up in the surgey spike.

I'm not blogging to win points or make money. I blab away whether anyone reads this or not, because I do it for me. I am learning, though. I'm going deeper into me dredging out my closets, I'm getting a feel for what readers prefer in content, I'm finding out this whole #transparency thing isn't the big, bad monster it used to feel like not so long ago.

2017 was my sabbatical year, perhaps. I'm getting anxious to FOCUS! GET BACK TO WORK!

scary thorough

I didn't make this, but I screened this pic.
Click the pic to go to server news update post with much better pix.

Clearing out my calendar this month as I get ready for the tuck and roll. Kinda feels unreal.

Aaaaaaaaaaand the Christmas decor is already up, lol.

I'm already making room for a couple of trees in my house. Papa's Vikings tree will be in the livingroom by the TV. Bunny's kid tree will be in the dining area bay window by the kitchen.

Speaking of football, total facepalm last night. Around 7:30 p.m. @bonenado goes "You didn't set your team, did you?", which screeched me to a frozen halt. I should have been on that, what *looks at invisible watch*, 3 days ago??? I mean, I'm on a fairly solid losing streak anyway, so maybe it wouldn't be too bad, right? So I asked how bad it was and he said I had 6 guys on byes. ##SUPERFACEPALM Ok, so maybe I just look negligent. I asked who I was playing this week, and he said Tony. I. about. died. My first thought was Oh no, it's going to look like Pinky Robot threw the game on purpose to the boss because #internetcrushhistory, and @bonenado said Yep, totally.

Facepalm.

So I have absolutely no dignity this morning. Just drinking my coffee sideways through facepalm.

*sigh*

Now puns are spinning through my head. I really dropped the ball on that one. Etc.

BUT I'm all caught up with Shannara Chronicles, The Flash, Gotham, Walking Dead, Dirk Gently, South Park, and I'm sorry, Tosh, I made an executive decision and decided that I just can't be the superfan any more. I have seen everything digital Tosh has done up to something like 16 shows ago, but something's gotta give, and my timer is loading up with PJ Masks kind of thing. It was a good run. We'll always have the show with all those people doing an exercise machine marathon, and the show where you dressed up like a Ken doll for the human Barbie. *weeping* I've gotta stop before I lose it and go get that timer back.



My only plans today are to keep the ringer on my phone on so I'll get scheduling calls, chip away at some more of the piles in my room while I do the daily dishes and laundry, menu plan some kind of supper, and rip another mesa down in Mo Creatures before resource gets reset. I expanded my player shop into colored and glazed terracottas this fall and I am slamming through clays like you wouldn't believe, on top of smelting chestloads of glass blocks and restocking ALL THE WOOD PRODUCTS. I'm a machine. I should take a little time and sell some more farm harvest, kinda blew about $300,000 this weekend on player shops and coal restock, and currently talking to someone about purchasing a flying bigcat, so I need to pump back up to my $2M before I blow it back down too far.

I'm not done yet.


I've still got things to do.


There's always a reason to go on. I just noticed the time on this. Kinda like that other time. Seems to happen a lot around here.

5 years from now

When I first came back out public I had a 5-year plan, and so far it's going ok, just on a slower track than I originally envisioned, but a much richer and more vibrant track, so I'm good with it. It hit me today that I haven't thought much beyond that, and here I am already past the 5 year milestone.

So- Where do I want to be 5 years from NOW? This is a game I've played with myself for a couple of decades, and it actually works because it makes me think about priorities and goals and stagnation and stuff like that. I got the idea from a survey I did once.

1) What were you doing 10 Years Ago?
Wow, the nursing school year.  I remember the big mystery over who was smuggling mummified cats out of lab, and practicing catheterizing fake people.  My favorite word was auscultate.

2) 5 Years Ago?
I crashed into the fabled midlife review crap I used to ridicule others for.  Can’t wait to find out why old people are saying “60 is the new 40″…  Sounds like a very loaded statement.  Let’s see how gracefully we can hit brick walls every other decade.  Heads up to the mid-30′s crowd.

3) 1 Year Ago?
Wasted out of my skull on medication just to be able to walk, heartbreaking end to an awesome friendship, discovering the joys of the empty nest, and plunging headlong into youtube fanaticism.

The year I took a break from the internet I did a lot of deep thinking about that stuff in reverse- where do I want to be a year from now, 3 years from now, 5 years from now kind of thing. I stopped at 5 because I really couldn't see past it. So many things in my life have abruptly changed or cut off and you never know who is next on the ol' chopping block and all the changes things like that entail, so I didn't force it.

I've done plenty of looking back and assessing how far I've come posts. I haven't really done any going forward that far posts. Part of looking and planning forward is assessing right now, and I think I pretty much assess right now to death, don't I? I'm done with physical therapy unless something changes, I'm continuing to self monitor with a medical team, OH, Scott's job finally sold so there's a little bit of a snip in the annual income, kiddos are in my house, and we're dealing with even more hard stuff, so this post is more an exercise in focus than actual planning, but this is a good way to lay down a foundation and set up scaffolding for that.

Let's get a direction. I could go in any direction, and a lot of it depends on financial independence (which my original plan was intended to help push). I have kiddos in Houston, I have people all over the world I'd like to see, plus things I'd love to do if I were able, but if I've learned anything it's Keep It Simple, Stupid. The simplest thing to do is sift top priority out, and that's kiddos. In the last 10 years I've seen my Houston kiddos what, 3 times? I think in the next 5 years I'd like to see them at least a couple more times. If I'm going to do that, I have to be able to travel and survive stepping out of my own routine and comfort zone into a different environment, and I'd really like to do that with more brain on. So of course, top goal for the next 5 years is be ready to travel. NO JUNK FOOD, no stupid mistakes like what happened with the new shoes being laced too tight, no wasting my money or energy on things (or people) who will make this priority drop into a lower place. And anyone who expects that will need to understand I might feel very crabby about making that kind of a choice. I used to be able to jump and go be with people through crises at the drop of a hat, and I did it all the time for a number of people, and I just can't any more. I need to be ready to say a polite NO and stick to my guns if I want my own kiddos to stay top priority.

I know this sounds trivial, but I want to be done with the junk in my room. Every time I've started going through this old stuff that has piled up (and a good chunk of it isn't even mine), more gets piled up on me. My room is like a catchall in a family of packrats. Granted, @bonenado is a very neat packrat, constantly rearranging the entire basement and keeping a spotless closet, but a lot of this stuff is pure junk in my eyes, and we're so busy sifting through more junk (Bunny is a funny cosmic joke on this whole thing) that I never seem to get back to the original junk I keep trying to get rid of. I used to have to keep organized piles of stuff from the bankruptcy and my disability case, just piles of EOBs overtaking piles of other stuff that never quite got done for Christmases and stuff, and it's just ridiculous now. It's been so long since some of that happened that I can now just burn whole sacks of stuff, but they're buried under more sacks of stuff that needed sifting out, including baby stuff and my mobile office stuff that keeps getting bombed apart. I finally taped my publishing contract up on the wall. I see it every day. I lost that piece of paper so many times because suddenly people in my house in the middle of sorting and writing. I need a whole room I can spread stuff out in that can be guaranteed no one will ever touch, but I have basically 2 feet of kitchen counter I've commandeered, a corner of a table, the dresser in my bedroom, and a strip of wall by my bed. Oh, and a corner in the closet I won't let @bonenado touch. I can't even tell you where my stuff is in the basement any more. I have entire music collections probably worth some money that have been engulfed. Everything ever done by the old guys like Bach, music from all over the world, a collection I dreamed of growing up and to this day have never enjoyed. I don't have the kind of life that allows me to have my own record collection out where I can get to it in my own house where no one will destroy it or move it or bother it, and it has sat for years down in the dark with the spiders. To get it all out now and listen to it- I'm trying to guesstimate how long it would take to listen to the entire collection in the few hours a day I actually get to be home, and that is usually interrupted somehow. 2 months? I'm guessing at least 2 months to listen to all that. Maybe 3. Chopin, Schupert, Rachmaninov... Yes, all the Beethoven, all the everything you ever heard of. I own it. I've talked before in the night was smashy about how I don't get to run my house the way I want.

dragging brain back into focus

Actually, that all reminds me of a very realistic dream I had a kind of long time ago that stuck with me and helped me let go of fighting for all that stuff.

I was a very old woman, at least for the time, and fashionably modern. I had all the latest in clothing, home decor, and lived very comfortably. In the dream I just knew this, I didn't see a lot of it. In the dream I was dressed to leave, in a sitting room detailed with brocades and dark striped wallpaper, velvet covered mahogany stuffed chairs, patterned prints and lots of lace, and I was dressed to the hilt right down to the latest dress boots, gloves, and hat.

I was looking around at all of it. I had to leave it. Something had happened (what?) and I had to leave all of it, and I detested the future that lay before me. Someone else would have all my nice things (the grand piano! the drapes! the imported carpeting!!!), and I was galled that I would be forced to step down into squalor. I kept looking around the room, cherishing the finery, cherishing my 'place' in the world, cherishing the quiet wealth dripping all around me. Cherishing my buffer against all the dirty world outside.

A carriage was coming to pick me up. Men would come into the house and escort me into the carriage, and I would leave this place and never come back. MY things. MY life. Another family would come in and mess up all MY stuff like a bunch of heathens. But I felt fine, even smug. In the dream I thought and felt all these things, and I felt smug that they would never take them away from me, never really force me to leave.

In the dream it was about sitting in that posh room and waiting. No one else was with me, no words were spoken, but deep down I knew that was me, and I watched myself like that, an ugly soul inside a beautiful home. Not one thought was wasted on remembering a person, not one moment of cherishing was about someone who was loved, not even a pet. All that went on while the clock ticked was looking around at the wealth and feeling smug that they couldn't take me from it. I realized after waking it was because I had overdosed on something and timed it for when the carriage would be arriving. They would walk in to find me dead, which would create a whole other fuss and stir, and technically I'd never have been forced to leave my house. Bah on them!

O_O I know, right. What a biatch. Well, I'm not sure what's up with the vividness of it and it really feeling like it was me unless possibly that's a past life or someone else's memories floating around in the night or a remote viewing kind of a dream, which I've done a few times, but whatever it was, I feel very strongly like I dreamed it for a very good reason, and that's NOT to make the same mistake again. In this life now I'm still very drawn to nicer things (not like I wish I had them but more like I feel that it's familiar) but shun them almost with repulsion and live a mostly immaterial life. I'm in a nice house, yes, but most of it is filled with hand-me-down furniture and decor, and not much of it matches. I'm not house-proud. I could (and have) easily lived in trailers and much smaller houses, and even slept on floors and in a car. I just have this really strong feeling that wealth is a trap for the mind, and that it ruins what we are supposed to be doing here.

I think the missed point is that every person is important. Every person is a wealth of potential. Every person is why we're all here, and it's the only common denominator in every other possible variable in our existences. To shun other people for things is to completely miss the point of existing as life. We may be autonomous beings, but we are still an interwoven part of each other in so many ways we can't even imagine.

For instance, I'm very aware in this life that other people create the things I enjoy. Other people labor over the food I buy, other people labor over the clothes I wear, everything I touch and see all around me is because other people are living lives and laboring. To cherish finery without acknowledging that people create it is, honestly, a bit silly. To hold oneself above others over materialism is about as silly as it gets. The materialism wouldn't exist in the first place without other people, the being above them certainly wouldn't exist without them, and the above ones can be ridiculously estranged from the very essence of humanity if they can't see this.

If I really was that old lady in a past life, I'm grateful I got past that. I'm glad my idiot choice to kill myself before I saw other people take my precious finery didn't ban me from going on to live a full life of loving people around me and learning to work together to solve our daily problems.

That was a bit off track of where I want to be 5 years from now, but I'm suddenly leaping to wonder where I'll be 5 lives from now. o_O Wow.

I know what I don't want 5 years from now. I don't want to be an idiot. I don't want to lose people over petty selfishness. I don't want to grow bitter and I don't want to wallow in being sad. I'm going to do a bit of thinking this month while I deal with this tummy ache that won't go away, and maybe I'll have some cool dreams in the meantime.

I want to still be here in 5 years. I want to be a positive force to reckon with.

kid of the corn

That scarecrow is in a neighbor's garden practically on the street. This is the view I get every time I pop around a curve driving home. The first week was very disturbing, I thought it was a real little girl.

This is after I pass it.

Since my neighborhood has been weirdly and very staunchly anti-Halloween the last few years, I'm pleased to see it getting creepy around here again, even if it's unintentional.

Was also a big summer for butterflies. I've been a very lazy pic taker this year or you'd have known that already.

This is Bunny betending to have a broken foot one day after school. I was very tired and she let me lay around while her cartoons were on. She cracks me up.

Not a good sign when the doctor gets distracted by a TV set.

I like doing 'research' on my phone when we settle into TV, which comes after an exciting hour of running in from school and putting play clothes on and washing our hands and cooking real food for Papa's supper.

I've always harbored a personal distaste for Mickey, and srsly, it's the ear perspective thing, but the rest of them are ok. I'm an avid Darkwing Duck fan, and I'm pretty sure I saw every ep of the original Duck Tales when my kid was up and coming. I'm noticing, though, that Daisy seems especially helpless quite a lot nowadays, and alpha female Minnie has all the answers, and if she fails, Mickey is the ultimate fixer of everything that goes horribly wrong. You wouldn't believe the articles out there that must've taken hours to write up about Mickey, and I think basically the parents go insane from children's programming and have to vent and get their balance back. I'm not doing well at all with Nick Jr. and Disney Jr., it's affecting my IQ, and definitely affecting my work output. Pure mush up here behind my eyeballs.

Actually, my brain is more 'on' than ever, probably thanks to the CPAP and getting my meds figured out, and I've lately gotten into detailing character development in a couple of sideline novels. I've been rotating 5 working titles this summer, 2 of which (as I've mentioned) are already contracted, and I'm finally getting the hang of our latest new routine which allows me about 2 hours a day to work on whatever I please that isn't chores or physical therapy or anything necessary for the smooth running of my household. Sometimes it's less than that, but I think I can usually count on about 2 hours a day.

Today I'm blowing some of it on blogging a little. What's fascinating is looking back and really seeing how far I've come. 5 years ago one blog post had to be meticulously planned out because my memory was so shockingly bad that I could barely carry through paragraph construction over several hours (some posts would take a whole week), and now I slap stuff out so easily that I rarely even rewrite. So, big plus on the ol' brain healing thing.

Still, I'm spacing out quite a lot, and I'm not sure if it's an overload thing (autism) or a necessary halt and let everything catch up thing with real time nutrition and hydration and other needs, and I can definitely tell when I screw that up with the wrong food. I'm so hypersensitive to my blood sugar level now that I can usually tell you the number before I ever do a glucose strip test. My brain fries hard and fast if I go over 140, and it takes very little to do that. Pain meds make it exponentially worse, which is why I got back off them this year. I learned a long time ago how not to self sabotage with food, but this year got pretty challenging with the med fails.

Anyway, me touching base, and I wanna mention that Barry was a fun inspiration this week. I love this. 😁 This clicks back to source.

#amwriting

I mean, no offense to Montana or anything

Don't even ask me where this stuff comes from, but phrases pop into my head unbidden and so far out of the blue sometimes that I have to drop everything I'm doing and google search just to see if it's a thing. Today's weird brain blurt phrase was "When the whole of Montana is screwed...", and my first thought ok, was that whole or hole? Because if there's a hole in Montana and it's on fire (i.e. wildfires), it would be screwed. You know what? There's really a Big Hole Valley, and sometimes it gets screwed. Apparently wildfires happen every little bit around there.

Sometimes I imagine myself senile in a nursing home just blurting out off the wall phrases. My only guess is that I'm somehow plugged in to the astral hive mind or something and hear random gibberish, like eavesdropping. We hear our brains talking all the time, right, they're processing on the side kinda like we do in dreams, but mine really is a continual mashup of stray narratives. Anyway, this is where it all led me to in internet searches today. Relative or not, it's all interesting. This is what I got looking up 'astral shared mind'.

Aztec Thought and Culture: A Study of the Ancient Nahuatl Mind

Scientists unlock mystery of out-of-body experiences (aka astral trips)

The One Mind: C. G. Jung and the Future of Literary Criticism

THE MIND IS THE HEALER, THE MIND IS THE KILLER

Mind-Flown Drones: Astral AR

You're on your own if you really want answers. I just blitz my way around the search list and then go back to what I was doing, which today is switching between minecraft and chores around the house.

I know, if anyone's been paying attention, I've been flattening out another euphoric episode last few days. Pretty sure the new BP med has triggered it. Brain chemicals are funny things.

narratives

I don't take naps, she thought bitterly.
I don't take naps, she thought sadly.
I don't take naps, she thought triumphantly.

Many of us have said it would be cool to have theme music following our lives around. I've always had a sort of book narrative in my mind since I started reading in the second grade. Nearly everything I do comes back around as a descriptive narrative while I'm doing it, and it's so automatic that I've learned to mostly ignore it. It's like part of my brain is devoted to transcription, and is part of the real time lag processing I go through. I don't think it matters whether it helps or hinders, but it certainly gives me insight sometimes.

My #napclub events slowly dwindled starting on April 1st, and since three weeks ago today have completely stopped. I don't dare. I need to be awake by a certain time every afternoon, and even if I had the time, I know from the past that stumbling out of the house into traffic to pick up a child in not quite awake mode isn't good. The word harrowing has sprung to mind a few times, in fact.

My narrative this morning is coming from a long night of disruption, thank you mandatory blood pressure med switch, whoever's fault that is. I still think it's a strong arm demonstration between big pharma and medical and insurance contracting. No idea who's in charge, but someone wants a nationwide sweep off an old med. I've been through this before. Sooner or later it all settles back into place, but sometimes not before a number of people across the nation are roughly affected. These things don't make the news.

I see it as a wake up call. Shake it up, get that rut cleaned out! We may not like it, but it forces us to think and adapt. Adapt or die, they say. I doubt that's the actual intent, but it's a reality for many of us on long-term meds.

Anyway, as I was folding clothes out of the dryer this morning politely not listening to my narrative roll out, I realized what I'm hearing from my brain is YOU CAN DO THIS. And I can choose how I go forward. I'm too lazy to be bitter, too bored with myself to be sad, so what the heck, triumph. I'll take it.

This is the longest stretch I've gone in years without #napclub when I need it. This is me not only surviving, but thriving, and even running to keep up.

I don't take naps, she thought laughingly.

the basics

Started last night.

Ug, my internet is so screwed this evening. I kept trying off and on for an hour to get an easy download and kept timing out so badly that I couldn't even pull 3 minutes of video. I tried to get on server and it was so difficult just completing login that once it took nearly 5 minutes just for chat to show up. I've got a live draft coming up in a few days, will I be able to even attend? I might wind up having to just auto draft this year. Our broadband host is offering discounts, so it's not my laptop, it's not our setup or router, it's everyone on this service. We're basically hostage since no one else offers service to my house.

We got a ton of stuff accomplished around the house today, though. Major space reallocation around the kitchen, buncha stuff moved upstairs, one major appliance sold and another installed, closets and drawers and cabinets organized.

It's difficult to tell where I am with therapy progress on the atlas/axis cervicocranial thing. The nerves around my face that went numb in 2004 and then redeveloped all new maddening itching and tingling and numbness for years afterward seem to be waking up. All that is lately replaced with extremely tender sensitive areas that seem to feel normal otherwise, but I can only guess since I haven't felt what normal is since I was 19. It's coming across as kinda painful (think scalp sensitivity where it hurts just touching your skin, but all over my face too, almost like I'm bruised or something), but it's also actually kinda feeling like the nerves are able to feel more correctly for the first time in years. A lot of the painful ear stabbing sensations have nearly stopped. The tinnitus is unreal and my sense of smell is going in and out like it can't decide. I had lost quite a lot of my sense of smell and taste years ago, and it's interesting when I suddenly notice something smells really good or I'm hearing something I hadn't noticed before. My hearing used to be super awesome, like 110% on hearing tests, and then I went through the nerve fail and could barely follow tv because I was like so consonant-dyslexic with my real time hearing processing, and now I'm keeping up way better again without having to pause every other sentence making sure I heard it right. The first season of Continuum five years ago was so difficult to audio process that I was pausing after nearly every sentence. @bonenado got a lot of gold stars that year for being so patient with that. (The broohaha years ago over an interview transcription I did- no one had a clue how labor intensive that was for me, and how many total hours that took.)

The hope is that this will also positively affect all my nervous system going on down, like arms and legs. Still difficult to tell, but there is enough relief overall, however vague, to keep a thumbs up on it. The hardest part is the local area itself. When I whiplashed just beneath my skull (usually how people wind up paralyzed or killed), I damaged so much soft tissue that it got really swollen in there and laid down enough scar tissue to prevent my C1/skull area to sit together properly, and I have lived with that horrible nerve pressure for decades. If you need any kind of context, this is a good site to check out.

C1 and C2 Vertebrae: The Basics Behind the Worst Spinal Cord Injuries

I never talked about this for years and it took awhile for me to start getting really honest on Spaz and Pinky blogs about it after I committed to physical therapy a few years ago, and even then no one knew quite what the real truth was when I first brought it up. Between a chiropractor (started 2007) and a physical therapy team on hospital campus, it has taken ten years now to reach this point, where we are able to successfully work on this area directly, and it is still very slow work. Before I started this, I reached a point of needing help with everything, including self care, and had plunged into such long illness and terrible depression that I didn't believe I would live much longer. The pain itself was rough enough, but piled on top of it were complications galore, which I've been untangling on my blogs. It's rough and parts of it suck because I'm really feeling that nerve reverb as the pressure is slowly being trained back off and the nerve tissues continue to heal, BUT I'm so busy now keeping up with everything going on in my house, how can that not be a miracle? It's still so very hard, though, and at what seems like a dead run.

And now it's today.

Pain can be a wonderful teacher, a powerful motivator, and even a good friend. Pain has been part of who I am since I can remember. I've chosen pain over relief based on cost/benefits so many times, and I'm proof that really deep hard unremitting pain can be survived. If there is one thing I absolutely know, it is pain. I can see it in others, I can read it in animals, I can feel it when I'm near it. I will have a few things to say about pain and the cruelty some use to inflict it as a learning/teaching tool, as an entertaining toy, as a regenerating profit cycle, and as one of the despairing anguished who cried in the night not knowing if my existence was heard.

In the meantime, I'm quietly growing my wealth on the game server and even more quietly building beautiful things while I very, very quietly keep molding the real build I sculpt out of words.

Oh, yeah. Sploit and Batman are still on high ground with #Harvey. I can't begin to describe how stressed out I was going into this weekend. I'm finally starting to relax a little.

I am loving this vid. I can't believe how buried on youtube it is and how few views it's gotten, because it's very cute and really quite good.

the mighty pen

I started this about an hour and a half before midnight two nights ago.

I should probably be paying more attention.

I only found that because I couldn't keep a game server up and wasn't quite ready to pull my brain off the screen yet. As far as I can tell, a specific something kinda boomed in a particular couple of areas that was most likely Lexx related. Oh, nothing, just deep underneath the surface mining ores 'n stuff, glancing up...

I've started asking this question of a few people around me in real life and online- If you knew you could make $100,000 over the next 2 years, would you let anything stop you? And then when I move on to Would you let your depression stop you?, the response instantly lets me know they know exactly what I'm talking about.

I believe I am capable. I believe I have worthy material. My stats let me know once in awhile that other people think that, too. I have things to say that have garnered interest from nearly every country on the planet, some of the most specific hits coming in on posts leaning out over that not-quite-saying-it edge on religion and politics. Well, today it may have been about fandom freedoms and politics.

I don't share all of what I really think on blogs. As I inch closer and closer to hard copy print merch, it's becoming more clear how much impact I could possibly have. Original intention was to have impact, yes, but originally, I never even dreamed of how much impact just a few blog posts could have.

I love author bios. It's cool finding out that Orwell was unimaginably ill with tuberculosis as he was writing 1984. It's comforting finding out that a favorite book here or there took ten years to write. It's weird wondering what a generation or two after me would say if I ever really did make it. It's horrible thinking it will all go to the grave with me if I don't get this done.

I haven't been this emotionally and physically drained in years. Fatigued, yes. More crippled and suffering, yes. More sick and afraid, most definitely. But too tired to care... never. I don't recall ever reaching this point before. Even when I got close, anger would always push me back onto my path. I'm too tired to be angry any more.

Revenge is best served cold. I'm beginning to see a new interpretation of that. I think it's often meant more like a well-planned revenge works best when the temper flaring is out of the way. I'm wondering now if it could also mean revenge is best served when it is no longer even cared about. I'm noticing a new freedom growing in my mind. The tireder I feel, the less I worry about consequences or perfect timing or the money that's gone into it. By the time I get this done, I'll be so worn out that I'll still be a completely normal person living a normal life trying to get back into an occasional live tweet, like what I did never even happened. Big deal, right Neal? Oh yeah, that book thing. I'll be more concerned about how far behind I'm dragging on a TV show or whether I can keep up with other players on a game server.

Now it is today.

And I don't have much to say. Scratch that, I have reams in stack overflow. I've been writing on anything and everything I can lay hands on when tech is down and I'm spread thin across the maps. Back to school pens and spirals are my Christmas, all boiled down.

I'm to the point where I don't believe any author that actually manages to write on any kind of schedule at all has enough family life of some kind going on. #fam When I arrive to my deathbed, I definitely won't be regretting that I didn't stop continually over and over in the middle of paragraphs and sentences and thoughts to respond to people I care about on all sides coming to me for anything and everything.

The love is so very real. I hope to God I get this done.

'cross the river

a friend's screenshot
clicks to server site

I am intensely bummed out about the storms that came through this weekend wiping out my internet to the point of 30 seconds of game play between constant disconnect and the kind of browning out that takes a whole minute to load a page, like I'm on dialup from the old days. Calling around verified that it's a neighborhood thing and we're not alone. My phone plan also has about an hour left of heavy use available to share over 2 phones over the next 2 days, so... no live tweet tonight.

I haven't been this close to hate the whole world venom in a long time. A long time. I've been needing this so badly, I can't even tell ya.

I could go off on a rant about how 2017 blows and whatevs, but that's pointless and temporary. All you guys reading this who still drink, smoke, pop pain pills, and whatever it is you do, throw one down for me. I'm off to sulk, sans comforts. I doubt there is a single thing anyone could say to cheer me up right now, so I'm turning off the tech so I won't flay anyone with my mind through the webs.

It's been a tough year. Where's my playlist? I've got work to do.

automated plagiarism theft

"I singsong sadness into something productive." That popped into my head last night.

So this is happening. Wrastain's tools: Unlimited content for your website

WordAI, guys. As near as I can tell (and the Master is back, right on cue, not sure if it's related), Pinky blog is perfect fodder for auto rewrite. AUTOMATED PLAGIARISM THEFT IS THE LATEST ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE MONEY MAKING SCAM.

And since it's automated, even the 'author' of whatever article being sold doesn't know what they just ripped off, right, unless they're the ones setting it to certain material in the first place.

Auto blogging is the opposite of those next new singing star shows. Those shows rigorously enforce actual talent to the point of stardom. Auto blogging is like reproducing other people's talents into rubbish and selling it off as original material. Auto blogging super sucks for the entire planet because not only does it clog up multiple servers with redundant material, it also clogs up search engines and ultimately our brains. Words are becoming meaningless in an automated society.

I hope this post gets auto picked up, auto rewritten, and auto sold off over and over until it saturates the world, because that would be funny.

Here is one of the feedback comments on their site- "I have all of my writers using WordAi to rewrite content for me and they are each making me over $100 per day."

Do you see why I don't "write for" other people? I've been asked to write original articles for big sites, well, wouldn't be long until those articles were rewritten and reproduced on competitor sites. I still have extremely unique original material that never gets copied except by real life translators simply because I've never associated with a content curating site that funnels readers to specific content. Think about it- if Pinky blog is able to see this stuff in stats just because this has grown into a big blog (and I created all of this all by myself), imagine what a content curate site is able to see. I would be swarmed into oblivion by now if I had never remained rogue.

Other than thunderstorms taking out our internet, still got my fingers crossed for Sharknado tonight. If you don't see me in the live tweet, I'll actually not have internet. Also, if 'Sharknado' and 'live tweet' actually get picked up and rewritten along with this article, double funny, right. 😁

use commandeer and cartoony in a title about avoidance behaviors #amwriting

Started yesterday afternoon.

click for good times

Ok, back to real life. The last 6 or so weeks of uber stress feels like it's settling into a wonderful mundane routine again, and I hope I didn't just jinx it because that's usually how the next wild ride starts, with me noting how delicious boredom feels.

Go, click and get lost. I did.

I'm not really bored, far from it, but I'm thankfully not feeling frustrated, which I think was spiked by meds. One thing I talked about with psyche guy this month was how roller coasting through this year's nerve pain meds seemed to break open my depersonalization/dissonance, which I suppose could be a natural side effect, but when a person is already gear switching as a coping method, enhancing it isn't necessarily a good thing. Anyway, I know I've been overstating a lot lately, but soooo glad I'm off the baclofen and the withdrawal is finally over.

Well... Lambie (Doc McStuffins) singing in the background while I write this makes me feel a bit on the crazy side, so I'm trying to ignore it. Settling my brain into the toddler brain pool has its perks, but trying to brain real life with that kind of background going is maddeningly distracting.

I nearly didn't come back from this click.

Bunny is in the other room asking for a cell phone for her birthday. She's going to be 4... Pretty sure she'd be a twitter tycoon in no time.

K, I was gone for half an hour that time. Good luck.

I know, right? Game of Thrones marathon getting the world pumped up for the new season tonight and we're watching tiny tot toons. And my internet keeps browning out, so it's killing game time. Got all the laundry done, though. Oh wait, I hear Toy Story 3. *runs off*

And the internet promptly died. Now it's today.

I may as well accept that I'm probably not going to be on board the live tweet train for awhile, possibly the rest of the year. I tried getting on twitter last night and the GoT onslaught was brutal so I just shut it all off. I remember the year I completely missed the very last season of TNG because life and kids, pre-DVR and even pre-satellite option for 2 channels at once in the same house. Years passed before I ever saw the rest of TNG.

Today is my 6 month equipment check for CPAP, so it's kinda like Christmas. I've gotta get to town so I can pick up all kinds of goodies. I'm being a very good girl and playing the compliance game correctly, so insurance is still paying for everything. I just have to keep my scores 70% or higher. I was doing better with hitting 80s more often but the baclofen withdrawal really threw me. Now I'm having to retrain my sleep again.

Last night's dreams were pure stress about getting the book out. So many people were in my dream, like a huge extended family (but mostly people I had no clue I was even related to), and we were all under a time crunch to get to an airport. I was handed my tickets and told the plan 2 hours before take-off, and I was trying to get a shower and get packed and people milling around this huge house and all my stuff kept getting scattered and one of the really older ones got in a car for a drive with a neighbor but left a note on an acorn (??? I probably follow too many squirrels on twitter), and the last thing I remember was one main guy who kinda looked like Michael Douglas in his younger days kept fussing at me about something, and when he finally laid on the floor blocking a door I needed to get through and all I had was a towel, a camel casually walking up the hall stopped and shat all over him and his nice suit, and I woke up laughing.

I reeeeeally wanna get that book out in the next 6 weeks. I'm hoping to have it organized enough to bypass the editor and go straight to publish, which means hard copy will be available around the world in a week flat, and it'll be up to me to get the big push going while they're available.

I wanna curl up in a bathtub full of coffee and melted chocolate and hide on a minecraft server.

This song has been stuck in my head for 2 days straight.

ixnay on the elfsay imstay

Stuff happened this week.

click for the thread

Wonder if that would happen a lot more if I'd boost this post. I've never boosted a post on Facebook, but I probably will once the book comes out. One of these will click to the twitter link, which already has over 400 impressions in less than 12 hours, the other will click to its new Autisable home.

And I really don't know if that had anything to do with waking up to a Google Alert that Janika Banks has been added to a German white pages listing on Denmark internet.

This is translated.

And I wanted to see if that's a real thing, and sure enough, comes up on page 3 in a Google search for Janika Banks. Brand new out of the bag.

A couple of years ago someone told me they were going to write up my Wikipedia page, and I laughed and said sure, go ahead. No one really has yet, but for some reason I've either been auto-boosted into legitimate search or manually entered by someone on a job or weirdly obsessed. I'm going with auto boost for now. There are so many automated info pages out there I could claim (traity was dumb, I had it for awhile and let it go), but that's way too much work.

Like I told a friend privately a few days ago- "If I don't get my crap done by end of summer, I'm an idiot. My launch platform has never been more visible."

So I get a porn boost right on top of #netneutrality, crack me up, and then I get a major Google Alert on top of my self-stim post. Never in any parallel dimension did I wildly dream of sex selling anything about Janika Banks. Wow.

:edit: Space Cowboy suggests putting pretty girls in vids to sell merch. Pretty sure some of us are in it for the actual music, so here you go.

Also, this is a thing. I have lifetime potential earnings of $33, crack me up. Bet that would change real quick if I could get some of my friends talking with me about Lexx and stuff. Anyway, you can get into this and click around, kinda fun checking out other channels. Very handy.