I'm inserting random pix off my photobucket for no reason at all.
July 2007
Scott has no fear
So my internet is slower than a slug in an ice storm right now. I can't pull up a game server or youtube or facebook or anything on search, and not even blogger. So I'm on notepad. I wonder if I'll be able to paste it over later. I hope it keeps this font, I really like it.
April 2008
Steve the duck, turned out to be a girl
I'm in 'flat effect' lately, likely a survival mechanism for holidays, and my emotional interaction is at one bar out of five. It doesn't mean I don't care, it just means that if I start feeling the care stuff, I'll cry easily or get upset over stupid little stuff. It's easier to just not feel while it all passes over.
March 2009
vulture right by the house
I don't have big plans for Christmas. Scott will be on vacation from work in a couple of days and be hanging around through the new year. Bunny's school vaca will coincide nicely with his. Even though I'm recovering very well from surgery- wow there's no scroll with this... hang on.
June 2009
for real, in my henhouse, this snake was 6 feet long all stretched out
Dang it, I lost my font. }=l Lemme see if I can manually recode it here now. Oh, cool, I fixed it. Weird, now the wrap is off. Oh, ok, human error.
December 2012
feel lucky not to live inside a city
Ug, now it looks awful in blogger preview. It's daintier in the editor. Hang on again. Ok, at least breaking it up in colors helps.
November 2011
I found myself! Pinky Robot
My eyes have really changed this year. I'm having difficulty seeing colors on black. I used to have so much difficulty seeing black on white. Honestly, I can see colors on white the best. Wonder if I can change the background. Ew, total fail. I need the entire background blanked out. I'm too tired to dig around in the advanced editor. I'm going to re-black it out, apologies to those of you who get Pinky posts in emails. I don't know yet if this will turn out really hard to read like that.
November 2006
coming back from Dogwood Hill
And now the code is so mangled in my html (that's so laughable, I hafta use CSS for a lot of it nowadays) that I would be a fool to go back in there and try to fix anything. So, I'm going to stay out here in the 'compose' editor and hope I don't super screw anything up.
March 2008
we still have this truck
I really don't know why you're still here reading this, but in case you are, I'm about to get back to Christmas, lol. And I guess I'll just stick to this color now. Where was I? Oh, yeah.
October 2012
along my street
Even though I'm recovering very well from surgery, I'm not perky enough yet to jump into Christmas, and since I'm not that terribly helpful (except keeping the dishes and laundry done up kind of thing), I'm mostly stepping back out of the way and everyone can do their thing and not worry about me. I am pretty much doing my usual bowing politely out of plans and just humming along in the background helping some of the chaos run a little more smoothly, which I'm really good at most of the time anyway.
March 2008
from my back yard, high up on a flint ridge in the Ozarks
So on Christmas, I won't be cooking much, won't be going anywhere, and will likely be focused on the Mo Creatures server and the Doctor Who special. It's looking like we won't be getting fiber hooked up by Christmas like originally planned, the crews are going a little slower now after breaking water lines twice, and every home will get two visits between strategically mapping best hookup and then testing actual hookup once the lines are finally all in the ground. So between electrical brownouts and weather affecting my router, work crews blipping my existing wifi here and there (radio interruption is horrible around here, doesn't take much at all when your neighborhood is laid out along a flint ridge), and my usual chaotic real time interruptions because life and people and stuff, I'll likely be popping on and off, afk-ing, and intermittently checking my social medias on my phone all through Christmas Day.
March 2009
also from my backyard
Well, that's about it for now. Maybe I'll try to share more pix through 2018. Hope you guys are having fairly decent holiday seasons, and if it's stupid and hard, let's just keep ourselves distracted and busy and checking in, ok? I'm sticking around, and I'm already slamming 2018 up against the wall and telling it I'm the boss of me, not the whimsies and fates of a world around me freaking out over every little thing. 💗 lyrics
The facepalms this morning aren't stopping me. DO YOU HEAR ME, COSMOS??? *shakes fist* Just pleeeeeese stop throwing spiders at me while we're at it...
Somebody remind me to have @bonenado move my whole king sized bed after he gets home from work so I can get something that slid down the wall when I flipped a pillow out of my way. That's what I get for setting up mobile office in bed. I'm trying to feel lazy in between jumping up getting tons of stuff done. By 9:30 I had a sack filling up for a charity donation drop off, all our coats in the wash, a pie in the oven, an actual for real phone call about medical billing done, the coin bowl all sorted, couple xmas thingies taken care of, another quarter of my mountainside stripped down in game, and had started a couple of lists.
Just a sec, got all settled and all my little cells are going ~nope~, go eat some lunch first.
comes back with nachos
Ok, now I get to sort through my mangled screenshots folder for the #latenightmove grabs. I attempted to downsize and dumped about half the folder contents last week, and apparently the new incoming fills up the empty slots instead of lumping together at the end, yay, so "Screenshot(10)" isn't really "Screenshot(256)" like it's supposed to be, and the movie grabs are like scattered autumn leaves. Not sure, but I think this makes my third viewing now. Could tell a big difference between this year and years past. If you don't know about my brain crash-fog-glitch probs, 2017 has been my best memory and function year since 2004.
Before Tim Allen ever threw Santa off a roof, long before Elf helped Santa rig a jet engine back onto a sleigh, Santa apparently went to Mars. Pretty sure Elon Musk's parents were inspired by this movie as children, pushing him to be just like little Billy and go to Mars, too.
North Pole HQ looks different in every single Santa movie. This one looks ominously like the one in the Scrooged promos showing Lee Majors saving Santa years later during a missile attack.
We never did find out what that Martian headgear was about. That still bugs me, along with a very confusing plotline based on an even more confusing motivation. I think that's because I'm used to space shows being a bit more logicky nowadays. I want to slam this one by its lapels against a wall and ask how in the world they figured out their children were lacking happiness?
We are ALL still children on the inside. You know it's true, syfy400. I won't reveal your secret identity. 😂
I'm not good at Martian linguistics and proper naming.
You know how Daryl had to listen to Easy Street over and over? I think Kim Jong needs to see this movie a few times.
There's like a plot and a subplot behind the entire Santa abduction. Nowadays we'd get up to the minute tweets about staff changes during production, which everyone knows alters the whole atmosphere of a movie, so I can't help wondering if the start and the end are cobbled together in the middle after a long horrible night full of cigarettes and coffee around a writers' table.
The Martians didn't seem to know how to properly abduct (oddly grazing taboo all around, as it were), and probably only succeeded because children were so terribly polite back then. The only thing missing was candy and 'wanna see my puppies?' The brief gun pointing didn't frighten them at all. Were they brave? Bad actors? Cognizant of the script saying something about a gun? Did anyone know what was going on???
It's up to Billy and Betty to carry the story now!
I know right, how many of these did I get this time. Wow, really went to town on that screenshot button. By the way, in case you haven't been paying attention on the medias, Sophia has been granted full citizenship in Saudi Arabia. Inside the mechanical brain of the world’s first robot citizen
The good news- the entire subdivision will soon have fiber optic, maybe even before Christmas.
The bad news- I can barely pull internet at all till that's done and my data plan is nearly out. If you don't see me, I'm suffering boldly through this.
Thank goodness I can still pull in youtube, but it's slow and has to stop and keep loading. Oh, well.
I've been making time to sit around with my feet up a lot more last 3 days, so it was apropos running into moss covered cobble for my player shop- all the metaphorical moss in my stagnant life, lol. This next is pretty much how my connection looks all the time. I hit one bar and start blinking off the server like a transporter glitch. I finally shared today that my wifi provider is negotiating with my electric company to upgrade equipment support for fiber upgrade, and after that happens (crossing my fingers it won't take all winter) I'll likely apply for mini-mod. I've got 1500 hours on server, makes sense I'd use being around so much to be more helpful. Kind of impossible, though, if I'm suddenly disappearing in mid sentence all the time.
My birthday is tomorrow. I will be a tetrahedral number, a sum of 6 consecutive primes, and more. Have a ball with that. I've been told many times I don't look my age. I never have. They say you're as young as you feel. Since I've felt like I have full body arthritis since I was a kid, and since so many have told me I'm an old soul, I sincerely doubt 'feeling young' has anything to do with it, because I've never felt young. If were such a thing as soul police, they'd never find me in this body. I feel like an impostor in disguise.
I'm on the 5th Tremors movie tonight while my people are scattered doing their things. I love that this movie series took a more serious turn than the usual shark and monster one-offs. The filming is good and the survivalist slant is credible, and the Burt Gummer character development has actually been fun to watch from one movie to the next, and each movie is progressively very different from the last. Here's more on Burt.
I'm not sure what is happening but I feel like I have finally clicked into place with who I am. My years of angsting seem to be dissipating and I can look back now and see how so many pieces fit. I was on the right track all along, just couldn't pull back and see bigger picture very well. I understand best when I see a flash of all the things, which makes me a bit of a savant, but only if I'm in exactly the right position with the right slant of light hitting the right tilt of my head and my line of sight at exactly the right height, so I'm mostly crawling along blind and stupid until that hits. I often feel like my mind is in Flatland, and my brain is dimensions above where I'm rarely able to actually use it, but when I get that click, #allthethings. And it's brilliant and wonderful and so satisfying, like suddenly I'm using my brain like Flatterland. And I mean that metaphorically, like applied to my emotional and social life. A particular person who talked me through falling apart in 2007 would appreciate this visual, I think. I saved the words from back then, and I can reread them now and see that I instinctively knew what I needed but was so mentally blind that I couldn't see or say them correctly, and they had to wash over me, over and over like waves along a shoreline, before I could go back and understand them for what they were.
I know now why I needed her, and why it was so important to have her back so I could solve myself. Sometimes a key doesn't know why it is the one, even if that key is the most important one because it's the only one that worked in that lock.
I was locked out of myself. The key turned. Everything opened up. I got stuck because the key was stuck in the lock. I had to be able to pull the key out of the lock to go on. And now I keep the key with me. I might never need it for the lock again, but it was important and became precious. The key to who I have been able to become, and hopefully even more, may have been a representation in my mind, but could only be used in the form of a very real and genuine person. We can't just imagine ourselves into being more than we are without other very real people making our hearts credible. Inventing and reinventing ourselves falls short and very flat without the warmth of another soul to care that it happens.
I used to believe I didn't need anyone to Be. I started a story a very long time ago about that. I think I'll be able to finish that one now.
Ug, my internet is so screwed this evening. I kept trying off and on for an hour to get an easy download and kept timing out so badly that I couldn't even pull 3 minutes of video. I tried to get on server and it was so difficult just completing login that once it took nearly 5 minutes just for chat to show up. I've got a live draft coming up in a few days, will I be able to even attend? I might wind up having to just auto draft this year. Our broadband host is offering discounts, so it's not my laptop, it's not our setup or router, it's everyone on this service. We're basically hostage since no one else offers service to my house.
We got a ton of stuff accomplished around the house today, though. Major space reallocation around the kitchen, buncha stuff moved upstairs, one major appliance sold and another installed, closets and drawers and cabinets organized.
It's difficult to tell where I am with therapy progress on the atlas/axis cervicocranial thing. The nerves around my face that went numb in 2004 and then redeveloped all new maddening itching and tingling and numbness for years afterward seem to be waking up. All that is lately replaced with extremely tender sensitive areas that seem to feel normal otherwise, but I can only guess since I haven't felt what normal is since I was 19. It's coming across as kinda painful (think scalp sensitivity where it hurts just touching your skin, but all over my face too, almost like I'm bruised or something), but it's also actually kinda feeling like the nerves are able to feel more correctly for the first time in years. A lot of the painful ear stabbing sensations have nearly stopped. The tinnitus is unreal and my sense of smell is going in and out like it can't decide. I had lost quite a lot of my sense of smell and taste years ago, and it's interesting when I suddenly notice something smells really good or I'm hearing something I hadn't noticed before. My hearing used to be super awesome, like 110% on hearing tests, and then I went through the nerve fail and could barely follow tv because I was like so consonant-dyslexic with my real time hearing processing, and now I'm keeping up way better again without having to pause every other sentence making sure I heard it right. The first season of Continuum five years ago was so difficult to audio process that I was pausing after nearly every sentence. @bonenado got a lot of gold stars that year for being so patient with that. (The broohaha years ago over an interview transcription I did- no one had a clue how labor intensive that was for me, and how many total hours that took.)
The hope is that this will also positively affect all my nervous system going on down, like arms and legs. Still difficult to tell, but there is enough relief overall, however vague, to keep a thumbs up on it. The hardest part is the local area itself. When I whiplashed just beneath my skull (usually how people wind up paralyzed or killed), I damaged so much soft tissue that it got really swollen in there and laid down enough scar tissue to prevent my C1/skull area to sit together properly, and I have lived with that horrible nerve pressure for decades. If you need any kind of context, this is a good site to check out.
I never talked about this for years and it took awhile for me to start getting really honest on Spaz and Pinky blogs about it after I committed to physical therapy a few years ago, and even then no one knew quite what the real truth was when I first brought it up. Between a chiropractor (started 2007) and a physical therapy team on hospital campus, it has taken ten years now to reach this point, where we are able to successfully work on this area directly, and it is still very slow work. Before I started this, I reached a point of needing help with everything, including self care, and had plunged into such long illness and terrible depression that I didn't believe I would live much longer. The pain itself was rough enough, but piled on top of it were complications galore, which I've been untangling on my blogs. It's rough and parts of it suck because I'm really feeling that nerve reverb as the pressure is slowly being trained back off and the nerve tissues continue to heal, BUT I'm so busy now keeping up with everything going on in my house, how can that not be a miracle? It's still so very hard, though, and at what seems like a dead run. And now it's today.
Pain can be a wonderful teacher, a powerful motivator, and even a good friend. Pain has been part of who I am since I can remember. I've chosen pain over relief based on cost/benefits so many times, and I'm proof that really deep hard unremitting pain can be survived. If there is one thing I absolutely know, it is pain. I can see it in others, I can read it in animals, I can feel it when I'm near it. I will have a few things to say about pain and the cruelty some use to inflict it as a learning/teaching tool, as an entertaining toy, as a regenerating profit cycle, and as one of the despairing anguished who cried in the night not knowing if my existence was heard.
In the meantime, I'm quietly growing my wealth on the game server and even more quietly building beautiful things while I very, very quietly keep molding the real build I sculpt out of words.
Oh, yeah. Sploit and Batman are still on high ground with #Harvey. I can't begin to describe how stressed out I was going into this weekend. I'm finally starting to relax a little.
I am loving this vid. I can't believe how buried on youtube it is and how few views it's gotten, because it's very cute and really quite good.
Money sync done up through May because 1- awareness this year that I suck at springtime time orientation sync and 2- this terrifies me because it sets me up for money fails (which doesn't make sense because @bonenado is around to fix when I fail). It's very weird that I'm accidentally failing to fail so far, as messed up as my head has felt for months now.
Calendar sync tentatively done through May, with emphasis on staying home inside my house as much as possible through April while the trees pollen-bomb the world around me.
Spring cleaning has officially begun with curtains and rugs being stripped all over the house and washed yesterday. This week promises epic deep cleaning satisfaction levels because my stress levels are spiking and stress = very clean house around here.
My techabilities are major fail, and I'm likely not going to be getting twitter back onto my phone except for planned blitzes. I lightly experimented last night with Walking Dead, and I *think* I can pull off a Flash live tweet (I need one so bad), but the only way I can charge my phone nowadays is on a car charger or through Jawn. The car charges it up really fast, Jawn does it slowly, like an IV going drip, drip, drip, so I'd need to leave Jawn on all night just to charge my phone.
Jawn is very full. *burp* This laptop is so full of huge files that if it crashes, I lose at least 8X more than I lost when old lappy burned out. I'm this close to locking down into emergency management until I get both my phone and Jawn cleaned off, because we absolutely cannot afford to replace either one of them right now.
Pulling myself together for March. Extremely surprised I'm still ok on calendar and money sync, and glad because I'm at the top of my spring roller coaster. I launch this week with 4 days out the door for my first big CPAP equipment check, assess back into physical therapy, a chiro visit, and follow up on my med tapering. I just discovered the Mercy 'about' pages. This guy reassembled the Pinky Robot mess into working parts in 2011. I've never looked back. Ok, I look back all the time, but thank goodness it's only looking. I like seeing how many inches I've come, lol. Well, I can measure in yardsticks now, maybe. Some might argue a few miles, actually.
Now that my phone is taking and holding onto charges via laptop and car cables, I'm thinking about reinstalling the pinterest app. We've tried several different ways to move pix off my phone, but it involves the stupidity of opening new accounts with other storage just to transfer to Jawn, so since I already have accounts galore, I'm going with original plan. I'm not going to allow any other apps until that is done and I've wiped pinterest off my phone again because it's such a data hog. I think it thinks I can't live and breathe without it. It occurred to me about a year ago how much pinterest supports digital hoarding, which is psychologically both comforting and a crutch, but how I almost never go back in there to look at what I've already stored. So I started a couple of private boards for family and that's it. I add things to pinterest once in awhile, but the wandering around in there for days is over. That's a land a person can get pretty lost in.
Commitments are tricky online. I've made the commitment to stay public and maintain a fleet of social medias, which is stupidly overwhelming sometimes but I've already got so much set up that I'm going to stubbornly keep going. I've made a commitment to checking Snarkalecs list feeds, so I kind of still feel time synced with a few people that I really like. And I've made a commitment to Mo Creatures, which is turning out to be both very therapeutic art therapy and a fantastic brain synapses builder and exercise program. Aspienado doesn't flit in and out of things very well, so these are hardcore and I don't see that changing. I realized over this last week that my moc family is like my Snarkalecs family, mostly the same people on a nearly daily basis and I'm getting to know them well enough to pick up on some of their personal lives. My Lexx family feels a bit more distant nowadays. I see all the things (eventually), but I don't float in and out of them like I do the others.
I do miss twitter, more than anything else I've wiped off my phone. I'll need it back as soon as I've transferred my pix and vids and wiped those apps back off. I've had people push me into instagram, twitch, and even facebook was ultimately other people pushing in the first place. If I were being really true to myself, I'd be one of those people you never ever see except in very exclusive forums or deep in a game. To be public feels sort of like how orange wedges look after you've torn an orange open and bent it around to make it easier to eat with all the pulp sticking up.
Yowza, just ran into a pdf called The Complete Recreational Drugs Handbook. My search literally was "how orange wedges look after you've torn an orange open and bent it around to make it easier to eat with all the pulp sticking up". I tried the flipping inside out thing, got a bunch of eyelids...
I'm in one of my weird melon collie moods. I'm about to counter that with an extremely obnoxious high energy pinky vid and I'm going to GET TO WORK!
Pic clicks to Mo Creatures multiplayer minecraft server
I didn't make that, but it's super cool so I checked it out.
One of those tech fail weeks where I'm logging off all my accounts from my phone and mass deleting apps, down to stripped out basic phone now and will probably be like that for awhile. I'll get to medias when I get to them on Jawn. I'm not really disappearing on purpose, but I was already pulled back quite a bit, so most of you probably won't even notice.
O_O
Today's goals on MoC are getting my bank balance up to $50 and my experience points back up to 30 so I can fix tools and enchant some cool new nether armor I picked up at the market yesterday, and I'm out there mundanely chopping pumpkins while cobblestone smelts and it hit me that the whole reason the Architect kept recreating Neo was because he was trying to create free will. The Architect didn't know how to program free will into Neo to save them all from a rogue AI eating up and corrupting the other programs. The Architect could program love and loyalty to Trinity in order to get Neo to cooperate, but he couldn't program that selfless willingness for sacrifice for the greater good without Trinity getting in the way over and over, because Trinity always dies. The rogue AI sees to that.
o_O Did I just find the legendary Black Market???
They need a reboot, bad. Neo is the only one who can carry the new update into the reboot. They've replayed this simulation hundreds of times. This time is different.
I go for shows like that, don't I? Lexx was the same way. The Cycles of Time repeated forever until the Lexx finally bumped it off the loop (as I argue in The Dark Zone and the Cycles of Time).
I'm currently at 21 experience points and $43.10. In an hour I'm going to get a shower and then head out the door for the day.
I agree with this vid about The One and had already come to this conclusion quite awhile back, but this is the first time I've run into anyone else saying it. I still don't think anyone was ever really out of the Matrix, and I question any of their experiences being corporeally 'real' at all, so later in the vid, using Neo's actual birth (which we still can't prove) to disprove a theory is moot. The Ages number from one integral anomaly to another, which means there were 6 different anomalies, but the actual age of the Matrix is way way old, and we still don't know who actually built the thing. If we wanna really bake our noodles, just add The Neverending Story kind of viewpoint to all this and start wondering who the Observer is... lol. If what the Oracle is saying here is true, then Smith is the one who freed HER. Maybe...
Neo is a tool, but we realize he is a very important tool, like a piece of super enchanted armor that has been repaired several times on an anvil (to borrow from minecraft), so the experience points that went into his creation make him the most powerful tool ever constructed. He is the ONLY tool that can be wielded against The One. The purpose of this tool is to create a new age with a new integral anomaly.
About 7:30 into the vid, I'm like YES, finally, my thoughts exactly, if Neo is a HACKER, why in the world is he not thinking like a HACKER? omg. That has driven me crazy forever.
So the Architect created Neo, but the Oracle gave birth to The One... lol. It's refreshing to finally run into someone who is able to express how I feel about that movie, too, because I could never round up that amount of logic into something that easily expressed by that reviewer. And as it turned out, the Oracle tricked the Architect into creating Neo to use as a tool, while even the Architect thought Neo was The One.
What a brilliant story about the experiences and sufferings of the most important tool ever created. The best stories are usually about the people caught up in the crush of things.
Btw, A. Smith- a smith smiths things. Get it? He de- and reconstructed the Matrix.
So the real question still left unanswered is Who built the Matrix? Because I don't believe that creation story. The cost/benefit doesn't add up the way it's told. Another question kinda popping up is which came first, the Oracle's decision to give birth to Smith or the man who first freed some of them? Because if Smith is the one who freed them, it was the Oracle's idea for this to even happen. She must have been powerless on her own, so she spun a web of lies around giving birth to a new idea and snuck it past the Architect. Good job, Mom.
So, who built the Matrix and who originally wrote the Oracle's programming??? Pretty sure it wasn't a machine needing bioelectric juice and warmth from encapsulated humans. Film Theory: The Matrix has NO ESCAPE
Aaaand my time is up, gotta get into the shower and GO.
Ok, yesterday was a challenge. I put someone I love through the same stuff I put tech support through, so I'm still coming off that feeling facepalmy and wtf-ish, because even though I know I'm like this, I still can't believe how truly difficult it is to talk through a tech issue without meltdowns. I had to walk off twice. I don't know what it is about tech talk, but I get caught in logic loops over word definitions and it takes a truckload of trust to get me to push a single button. I'm like loading a spooked horse onto a trailer, srsly.
Basically, my forge crashed and I have no MoCreatures until I get that reloaded. I can still play singleplayer and realm, just not multiplayer. In order to figure out if I was clear of the old stuff I was trying to wipe out, I had to keep creating new worlds to see if they'd load properly (they didn't), and I finally discovered another copy of all the things in a completely different area. Thanx, Windows 10, very thorough of you, and I'm keen on the phrase 'in triplicate', so I'll call that fun instead of a real drag. Anyway, since I switched back to regular profile, I can open all those new worlds just fine, and this is from a super flat one I named 'super stupid'. I think that was the seed I put in and everything. (I seeded another one called 'omgthissux' that turned out pretty awesome, in case you want to try that, but this pic is from 'super stupid'.)
Ok, because I piddled around in there yesterday while I was blowing off all that aspienado meltdown steam, I finally learned to turn gardens into greenhouses. There is no other way to stop the slimes from destroying the gardens. I tried triple fencing, loading up blocks with anything opaque, didn't matter, I got everything from rabbit size to giant monster size slime blocks bouncing around killing all the veg and wheat. Yes, I know, I made nearly 20 golems, and those idiots, while useful to some extent, tend to congregate like coworkers on the clock and waste time hanging out together in aisles where they think no one will see them, and I even caught two different groups of them just twirling away, showing each other their dance moves while slimes bounced all around them.
Anyway, if you play flat and wanna save your gardens, I KNOW HOW NOW. It's simple and quick and genius, at least that I know of so far. I tried to lure a slime my way and it hasn't worked yet. If worse comes to worse, I'll stick a golem in my greenhouse.
:edit: I just found this, you can kill ALL SLIMES super fast if you paste this in /kill @e[type=Slime] BUT you have to do it over and over because the large slime die and leave lots of little slimes for several generations. Also, it doesn't stop them spawning again, just gives you a very quick breather if you're in the middle of something. You're welcome.
So last week I was thinking about talking to my doctor about an opiate burst for really rough weeks. After a bit of reading I've decided that would be bad, based on my obvious protracted withdrawal response to the morphine shot I got the week before. I'll just leave my reading trail here for others who might be dealing with opiate addictions and withdrawals. I've talked about addiction history, starting from birth, and my long nightmare with sanctioned meds, so no need to drag all that out again.
Yeah, I really can't go back there. I'm only 3 years out from cleaning off 2 decades of vicodin, and they're saying some long-time users experience protracted withdrawal symptoms off that stuff for 10 years. This is my spoonie life. On top of all the hard stuff I deal with anyway, on top of all that filtering through an aspienado brain, I must also keep dealing with the fact that I'm an addict and the wrong medications (which is most of them) will only make my life worse again. To say that I've had a rough spring really is putting it mildly, but the last thing I want to do is drag myself down talking about the junky crap I'm distracting myself from, right?
I'm still a useful human being. I'm still choosing physical and psychological health over self pity. I still believe kindness is logical, and that I'm here to make things better for other people.
I also need to get some laundry and dishes done now. Laterz.
We've had a weird situation where @bonenado and I have practically been accusing each other of having Alzheimer's all week. Not our first, some might remember the lost video camera and stuff, but this was zucchini. Normally zucchini mystery comes from wondering who left it on your porch, but everyone knows we know it's our next door neighbor because he has a guilt thing about throwing monster woody squash out, so he gifts it instead. When we ask him not to, he says it's for our chickens. When we remind him (we're next door) we haven't had chickens in well over a year now, he just walks off and leaves us wondering what to do with it, so we fling it off the back deck and watch it smash delightfully on the trees, and then we get deer and groundhogs coming up out of Mirkwood to eat it. He doesn't like to feed the wildlife so he gives it to us.
Ok, that wasn't where I was going with this. The neighbor finally stopped sharing his produce with us because after ten years of inedible mystery monster veggies showing up in piles on our deck, we finally just put both our feet down and said We don't want anything from your garden and then had a ridiculous convo about just trying to be neighborly and here I go again. THIS zucchini was from a grocery store. Just know that, and we still don't know how it got here. I know, I keep talking like this. It's very mysterious.
I was unloading the groceries from the cart in Walmart while I was out with @bonenado last week, and I was irked to see he'd secretly smuggled in a couple of zucchini. I rolled my eyes and didn't say anything. He's a weirdo and I just roll. Got home, was putting the groceries away and rolled my eyes again when I noticed the one yellow squash hadn't been bagged in its own little veggie bag after I handed it to him, but the zucchini obviously had, so I just rolled the yellow squash up in the walmart bag and stuck it in the fridge and never said anything.
Days later, after one of the zucchini had been consumed and I need to get the rest of that squash cooked up, I finally asked why he didn't bag up the yellow squash but he did the zucchini. Skip a couple of really weird hours where we both thought the other really had cracked this time. Turns out we never bought that zucchini. Neither one of us put it into the cart, AND we were never charged for it. We dug out the receipts, it's true. But I remember getting them out of the cart...
Explain that one. It's almost like a double homicide without the death. A healthycide? I can understand someone else possibly getting the wrong cart or playing a weird joke (or @bonenado still having Alzheimer's), but not to be charged on top of it really creeped us out.
My Batman has been sick with some kind of weird germ going around the Gulf Coast. I don't think it's Zika, but it sucketh, and now the Batmom and Batdad have it, many feels for them on the Fourth. Meanwhile, Bunny rules the world from her vaca at a water park hotel. I zoomed in on the wave. She's way up there and it kinda freaks me out. Hang on, Edge has got Jawn in a headlock. This clicks to the ridiculous help advice in case you have the same problemo. #appwars
Wound up having to reboot over complete lock up,
and then got this trying to resize. I had to go around it by saving with a new title.
THAT is Microsoft wrestling control away from Chrome. Windows 10 insists on converting to their own photo app thingy, but it just doesn't work when I'm actually working in a Chrome browser. Big fail there, Microsoft. We must learn to share our toys.
Ok, back to Bunny. I cropped it and then zoomed, she is really high up there.
This kid was made for owning the world. She's not quite 3 and she's already at home with #allthethings. It's cracking us up comparing vaca pix to our own kids (their parents) at the exact same ages- noncompliance, crying, terrified of Bugs Bunny...
Maybe our kids are just doing it better than we did.
Our neighbors have already made sure it sounds like we're in a war zone every night for the last week solid, and I'm sure will continue through the rest of this week and possibly even month, so we're naturally not even interested in anything fireworky. We just want to sleep. I can't even imagine the pets and wildlife within our 2 mile radius. The mountain lion was real, here's proof we have them, the studies predicting their return (includes maps), and a list of confirmed sightings (I'm right next to Taney County), so yeah. Let's pull out our favorite Pumaman song! First, the original scene as seen on MST3K.
We always wondered why the most indigenous looking person didn't don the Puma Man belt, since he's a better fighter... @LisaMarieBowman briefly mentioned Pumaman in one of her reviews a couple of years ago. I think she'd have enjoyed it more with the song in it.
I've had the privilege over the last month of getting to see further into myself than ever before, more aspienado waking up kind of thing, and I just wanna say thanx again to everyone who has ever put up with me. I know I'm difficult. I can't say more because I don't have the words yet. They need time to percolate through me until they spill out. It's a kind of timeline thing, the before and after, and the paradox of the unaware traveling alongside the unaware in a new awareness of being unaware.
:edit:
Btw, wanna mention that this archive post that I linked on twitter this weekend got me into a "Great Writers" list. I know lists are a dime a dozen, but the account that did it is a very serious book marketing firm in Germany. I looked them up. I'm used to being put on writer lists and being followed by authors and marketing accounts trying to network, but this was different. I was simply very quietly put into a list.
The root of all this very deep thought about being public comes from this convo, the heft of which I was the silent heart of the debate over technicalities. No one knew back then that Oct 6 and 8 are extremely important dates to me for personal reasons, and that my absence had nothing to do with sitting out the debate.
