Happy May stuffs

I bin bizzy!

That lilac bush up there is 20+ years old, about 10 feet tall now. I remember when it was a twig. This next is our redbud tree. We've never seen it flower along the bigger branches like that before, usually sticks to the smaller branches. Maybe growing new baby branches?

The clover patches are coming in really thick. We used to have lots of wild bunnies but I haven't seen any in years, not sure why. Bunnies love clover.

Baby butterfly bushes sprouting in. My yard will smell like someone tipped a giant vat of honey over when they bloom.

Papa got lots of help this last weekend.

Worms!

I got lots of help, too. We've got mixed flowers, cantaloupe, zucchini, and radishes started. Some sight words also magically appeared out of nowhere and surprised all of us. She had never spontaneously made them herself on paper outside of a classroom as far as I know.

A friend gave me this conch a long time ago, and it has always looked beautiful under a little tree. I don't know what happened here, maybe the winter was extra rough and little critters started gnawing for minerals or something. Now we can see how pretty the inside looks! Hard to see, didn't use any filters, but the pink is glossy and magical.

This happened across the street the other day. No idea what they were doing, but something got fixed rather pronto, and then they were gone again. Water line? No idea.

Someone got face painted at a school carnival.

Getting pretty good at first shot on target with that flame bow. Got me a gamer girl.

Kinda like a tiny little Felicity Smoak, lol.

Caught one of those flash sales and grabbed this. It's here if you want one.

Not a clue what I was saying here, but it's from a few days back.

I know, I used to post pix all the time and I almost never do anymore. My Batman turns 5 pretty soon, so maybe we'll see what he's up to soon.

Hang on a sec, I'm being hacked by something and I've gotta reboot to get some stupid popups outa my way. K, I'm back. Kaspersky was throwing fits. I need to take that off since it's no longer properly supported in the U.S. It loves to hate java, but I can't help wondering if it itself is part of the back door in on that, and maybe that's why a ton of big companies and govt offices dropped Kaspersky like a hot potato. From 9-13-17 Federal Agencies Ordered to Stop Using Kaspersky Software

I've been doing a lot of thinking last few months about money *wow* my blogger editor keeps moving... I never see it do this. Not the first time something weird has happened while I blog, live blogging is my fave sport. And the save button seems to be going off every few seconds. I'm trying to figure out if I'm doing this or what. It's like when I want to shift but not really. Or like when a finger slips onto two buttons but not really. And every time I mention it again, it stops. So I guess I'll keep typing. I have remote turned off, hopefully that didn't default after an update or something. testtest Welp, moving on.

Ok, back to the money thoughts. I was thinking about how I don't need the dotcom for this blog, that it's not pertinent to the web ranking and was never part of my plan, and people come straight here anyway without it. And for a couple of hours I was all into letting it go. But then it hit me that some of the funnier search referrals are really coming in for Pinky porn, and they wind up staying and reading several pages, which cracks me up. There are so many Pinky Guerreros out there, legit businesses, and only a couple are actually porn, so I dunno why no one ever grabbed this dotcom, but it hit me *wow* do you mind I'm trying to type here. lol, my mouse just moved on its own. Ok, where was I. Ok, it hit me that while I've got the dotcom, a porn slaver can't use it, right? Because you know that's what a lot of that is online, it's slaving. Very few people legit decide to go into their own porn biz and learn all the ropes, there's plenty of help, and quite a lot of bios out there are set up to look like independent accounts by females and children, but if you stand back and look at how generic and the same formatting they are, it's basically like porn farming, like the way you can set up auto farming with redstone on minecraft, wel

aaaand this just happened right when I was typing that.

Ok, that was last night and I just went to bed after that. Now it's morning.

My point is, as long as I own my dotcom, no one else can own it for something yucky. As long as I own it, it redirects minds away from addiction enslavement and toward actual thought. So I might keep that one.

Then I got to thinking about the old Lexx forum that I've been paying for. It's unusable, and I haven't been able to contact anyone about it for years. I basically have the info to keep paying for it and that's it. I don't have the power to migrate it or fix it. If I stop paying for it, will it disappear? Will the owner stir and ask for donations? Is the owner even still alive? I could conceivably copy/paste content to a new area that is much cheaper if all we're doing is keeping the content from disappearing. If I do that it'll be a LOT of work. It would go to another forum I pay for that would be open to public, and I'd basically have only 5 scant months or less to get that done before annual fee comes back up. That changed on me, by the way. I had paid ahead 5 years and they up and changed the annual fee the next year, making it much more expensive, so I'm shelling out over $300 a year now for a dead forum that I can't fix. I've put years of pocket money into that fandom museum. I don't know what else to do. But the second it would disappear, someone would ask me why...

That last paragraph wore me out just writing it.

Anyway, stuff like that. Stuff I pay for that could go toward other stuff instead. My budget is super tight and most of my money goes toward my own health care. I nailed down about $45 spending money per month, and I'm so terribly frugal that I manage to do big stuff with it. Still, all this stuff isn't technically necessary to overall future plan I originally made, and this might be the year I pare it back down to why I'm here in the first place. All that distraction into other things was because of other people pushing me this way and that, and I learned a lot and actually had fun and grew in many ways that were good for me, but I've got to pull the scattered mess back together now. I figured out my own stuff along the way, and it feels like it's time and I think I'm about ready. Maybe I should let go of the extra stuff.

Haunted Sleepover with #latenightmovie gang

From last night's #latenightmovie with Lisa Marie Bowman and the @LNMGang in the @syfydesigns souped up chat room (2018 version).

I never thought about this version of Sherlock Holmes being over 100 years old. I'd already seen it twice because @bonenado is a big #everythingSherlockHolmes fan, but generally ignored every version that ever came out until Moffat got hold of it. If you're into the quiet posh end of creature comforts, this movie was pretty sweet for studying lifestyles of the apparently upper crust and well known back in the day.

We missed Kurt. He'd have been terribly disappointed, though, no frilly dressing gowns.

Yes, in the future, AIs will debate hot topics over old movies. They won't even need us. Zoe and Caprica are our resident AI programs that we can yap with while we watch the movie. Myrna finally did get in, btw.

I personally think Watson is vastly underrated and under appreciated and used far too often as a somewhat comedic sidekick. Apparently I do have strong feelings about interpretation.

I can't even with a Sherlock theme song, lol. +_+

Back then things got super boring without television, so fun night romps through the meadows with your rowdy friends possibly getting shot was all the awesome.

I was making a Pottermore joke. I'm not crazy about the Pottermore extension.

Lisa for POTUS!!!!

You had to be there. You missed a rousing Santa Claus Conquers the Martians chorus and a stimulating discussion about sardines. I think somewhere in there I mentioned that Sherlock needed a moor of his own for Christmas, since it seemed to get him so excited.

Somewhere in here I decided that Dylan would be a good Sherlock Holmes, and got a bit of agreement.

I think several of us realized the biggest flaw in Sherlock's thinking is that he's never really blamed for the deaths of those he uses for bait. I mean, he knows they're going to die anyway, right?

The obvious suddenly coming to light was almost like *cough* a plot device filling a hole *coughcough*, but I'll be polite and not mention it. No wonder people thought Holmes set up the crimes to happen sometimes. He probably had tea with Jack the Ripper at some point discussing strategy.

pre late night movie gang mind prep

Latest vid trail, sans non Benny C.









I was avoiding a small hotdog cookout, lol. Me from the old days would've been all over it. Me from now doesn't do cold wind or wood smoke very well. And I already had my pajamas on. Which wouldn't have stopped me from the old days at all, but oh well.

fun with social organization and predictive programming

I like crossing lines. I've been treading taboo since I was a kid. I questioned God and faith so hard that my mom was terrified I'd be lost to hell. I still poke my dad so much that I get the feeling sometimes he is convinced I can't possibly be saved and that's obviously too bad, but it's his obligation to keep telling me all the stuff anyway even though he believes in predestination and that souls are born into this world already either belonging to God or rejected by him. I grew up with people who were so convinced that ideas in my head were going to cause my eternal damnation that they could barely find ways to accept me as a personal loved one. There were so many prejudices in the way that I never believed either one of my parents loved me for nearly my whole life. I never felt forgiven and loved anyway, which is a simple life truth I managed to sift out and apply to my own life and children because it's logical. It's not logical to throw your own offspring under the bus. That is fear, pure and simple.

I've brought up before that being naturally autistic enables me to enjoy thinking through conflicting ideas without being bothered by them. I can easily carry opposing belief systems around with me through my mundane days, because it amuses me to take them apart and reassemble them. I love asking more and more questions until every shred of institutionalization is torn apart, and then rebuilding so that I understand the purposes, the goals, the reasons it works.

I was born to think like this. It comes easily to me. I don't fuss much over who is right or wrong because all have some right, and all certainly have some wrong. One example might be Christians missing the forgiveness boat. I actually know people who have estranged themselves from offspring because of ideas, nothing else, to the point where their own children literally dying of emotional neglect or abandonment via drug and alcohol abuse doesn't seem to phase them. Bad seeds and all that. I find it shocking that a parent wouldn't go to any length to try to save a child at any age, but that exists all around me, and I find it contrary to nature. Or, I find it reprehensible, the same way a human might feel about a cat or dog gorging on their first litter, which is a real thing sometimes. If a sheep won't let a lamb suckle, that is so terrible, but if a human pushes a child away because saving a tree takes precedence, that is noble.

So I pull these things apart like puzzles, and up until the last few years thought I was completely alone doing this. Thanks to youtube, there's been an explosion of thought sharing, and I'm loving all the ways other people also take everything they know apart trying to figure out what is real, what is important, and what matters.

That's the thing right there. I don't believe any of that matters. Did Elon Musk fake the car in space? I love space. I love science. I love that there is a car floating around out there. I also love that there's a huge debacle boiling over on youtube about flat earth, science as a religion being institutionalized to brain train us into robots, and whether or not anything we think we know is real at all.

So let's step out for a second. Step out of this universe and look at it. We live IN it, or we think we do, or whatever, right? And we all have thoughts about our experiences. I have boiled it down to yes, we are in a situation where night and day exist, growing cycles have a regular rhythms, polluting is a bit of a nasty problem, and food is pretty scarce in some places. Other than that, there's not one shred of it that we can prove at all. People are born here, and then we die. Everything dies. Everything. We fuss about that part, and we use that part to make the rest meaningful or not in relation to that, but even that doesn't matter.

What are you doing right now? Did you make someone cry today? Did you make someone feel crummy or sad or miserable? Did YOU cause that? ~That's what matters.~

We can argue all we want about end time prophecy, faith vs works, who God really is, who and what is right and wrong, and none of that changes anything about your day except how you allow it to control your behavior. When you allow a belief system to control you so much that you'll throw emotional rocks at your loved ones, or let them agonize in emotional starvation ignoring them, then that belief system throws what really matters in the trash can.

Humans matter. People matter. YOU MATTER. Your family matters.

How do we know what really matters? I thought long and hard about this. At the end of our lives, and this has been studied and documented for decades, people extremely rarely care at all about whether their religion was right, or whether they were right. What they care about is being lonely, and they wonder why someone doesn't come to check on them, or they wish they'd said something to someone and now it's too late and that opportunity is gone forever. Some people die with broken hearts because their relationships are a mess, or they are alone, or they don't know how to fix what they broke.

One exception to this is mental illness. Some of you might have grown up with abusive adults that seemed to feel no remorse right up to the point of death. The hurt, pain, anger, and sadness you might feel about that is your reminder that THAT is what matters. You didn't feel loved correctly, you didn't feel forgiven for being in their lives, you didn't feel safe, and while you might use a belief system to console yourselves, that isn't what matters. What matters is that broken feeling, and that is a very good indicator for your belief system not fixing anything important. What is important? Forgiveness. Closure. Saying those last words. Not getting there in time. Missing that moment. Being there in that final moment.

I've been sharing a few youtubes off and on lately both on Pinky blog and on facebook that question the realities we think we are in. Some of you are familiar with truthers and survivalists and whatever. I have never cared. I'm being very serious saying that. I have never cared whether our government destroying our own people and places is real or not because governments have been doing that time out of mind. I have studied philosophies and governments and religions around the world, and the one thing they all have in common is how do we control the people. How do we manage our economies, change the structures, fix the problems, use solutions the people don't like? How do we normalize what we fear, reset what the norms are, swivel the point of view until compliance is met? It's very difficult to manage a large number of people when it comes to travel and economy and health care and supplies. People have a way of thinking for themselves, solving all their own little problems, and without central (mainstream) control mechanisms, that actually gets a little chaotic. So governments criminalize things and use laws as fences. They oversee economies (our milk prices have been fixed for a very long time) and move people around (military families) and subsidize stuff like school loans (think tank training). If you for one second think that a mass of people arguing nonstop among themselves can actually sway real change in government when the people behind the curtains with billions of dollars are the ones pulling the real strings, and then you go and make your own families miserable over something stupid because politics is so important, maybe you're the one getting played. Something to think about.

Sherlock fans might remember this quote. Guys, this is me. When Sherlock first said this, everyone blew it off as his eccentricity, but if you follow the entire series, you see exactly what really truly matters.


Anyway, the reason I started writing this out was because of the flat earth thing. I am a truly hardcore space fan, I always have been. I dig the escapism of space 'out there'. I love that space is used in stories as a way to deal with stuff we can't civilly discuss if it were on earth. Babylon 5, Farscape, Lexx. The entire Stargate franchise. But I couldn't help noticing for years that space stories are ultimately so handy for changing perspectives across large numbers of people. Entertainment breaks through where political diplomacy fails. And of course, I've brought up that Marvel has caught on, etc. Some of you know this fascinates me. So for awhile, science fiction was used in an either/or way. Either aliens were coming to kill us, or they were coming to save us. Either we die of mass plagues, or we solve all the problems and save the earth and possibly even the galaxy. The overarching ideas that kept being introduced for years were about problem solving very particular ideas that corresponded to our own lives. Sci-fi is notorious for dealing with race and gender issues, and for bringing governments and their militaries into the story telling. Refugees are common plot devices. Throw in a little time travel, a variety of off world species intermingling, and a noble calling, and bing, you have a fight for the right and we're all falling into step adopting it into our homes via collectibles, clothing, and decor. A really cool government is one that solves ALL the problems so that we can be one big happy world of people running off to find other exciting life across the universe.


Can you imagine how dull television would be without any of that? Space has lent so much to economic exchange and growth, not to mention new beliefs and belief systems springing up, that a world without all that would seem pretty empty. It's almost unbearable to contemplate. But now there is a new suspicion rising up, a terrible and bitter disappointment that all of this space stuff was made up just to hoodwink us all, and it has truly worked brilliantly. Until now. And now that the secrets are coming out and reality isn't what we thought it was and truthers are destroying our illusions, it's getting even harder to figure out who is really telling the truth. Like, for instance, Q-Anon. Is he alliance or cabal? Anyone really familiar with Illuminati would instantly recognize the method and the really subtle way truth is used to make other truth false, and people falling for it left and right. But is that person really sincere? Is he for real? Because if he is, then we must ask if he's just another one of their brainwashed puppets, right? The vid description in this recent reveal is noteworthy, click over to youtube to see it.


I'm all for investigating who in the world set up these belief systems in the first place. I grew up in a legalistic church that debated every jot and tittle down to the nuance on basically nothing more than the vaguest of actual historical studies, and from what I could see, Jesus questioning the priests in the temple as a boy was the picture of what was wrong with belief systems in the first place. I don't care for the debates over specifics, the point was that whoever Jesus was, he sure timed it well (Masons and Moors were already around, as were Buddhists), and his presence alone seems to have overturned the entire world in one way or another. But as was pointed out in that last vid, who exactly got hold of that religion in its infancy and grabbed world control is actually a really sinister story, and it really does continue to this day. Some of you have seen how I've struggled with my dad's POV, like he gets stuck in a loop counter after certain triggers.

Part of the problem is the argument coming out of nearly any mouth out there that we've been lied to. Well, duh, of course we've been lied to. Our entire lives are lies, can we please just move past that, thank you. Anyone can study history and see what the truth is, and that truth is that the idea of World Order goes so far back in human history that it's almost ludicrous. This is where people fall for it being an alien agenda, because what else could it be? Humans die so fast, why would they care? So there are elaborate stories woven around the richest bloodlines in the world being part alien DNA. Personally, I don't care whether that is true or not. If space aliens came to this earth to whatever their agenda is, then they've been among us time out of mind and nothing can change that. But if this was concocted to control the masses, like worship your gods and pay tribute, and oh by the way, we have sovereign ownership over you so you must be in our militaries, etc, then that was brilliant, right? Slow clap for that one. But then wake up and go Ohhhh, they're still doing it... We are still owned. I've been saying this for years. We have always been owned. You were born into citizenship. You aren't allowed to decide that. How many people around the world have defected and sought refuge from their governments? This next vid was oddly cute until around 5:30 in. Kinda got my stomach. (Predictive programming is kind of a sport with enthusiastic hobby spotters.)


So let's be smart about this. We may not ever know what truth really is on this earth. We can spit and argue all we want, but absolutely none of it is proven one way or another without your presence there verifying it. I personally favor logic and space. However, I also believe (my belief system) that people are more important than the ideas that come between us. I figured that one out in my childhood. My mom and my dad argued bible incessantly. Nevermind that they agreed on 95% of it, that other 5% was enough for my mom to suffer so much over my dad going to hell, according to everyone in her belief system, that it embittered her and sent her spiraling through a massive depression and finally to her lingering death. My dad was just as bad. Despite his once saved always saved rhetoric, he HAD to try to force her to agree with him decade after decade until the only way they could reconcile at all was through her strokes and memory loss, and even then it was very difficult being the children watching that ship go down. Their belief systems were more important than the way they treated each other. Their belief systems were more important than forgiveness and getting along. Their belief systems, so nearly alike, were so tortuous that I can't even imagine how I'd have survived my mother's death without dad going to the nursing home nearly every day for five years to sit with her at lunch. That devotion and her inability to call out much beyond his name when she was afraid of something became iconic to everyone around them. THAT was what their entire marriage should have been like.

How socially organized is your thought process? Do you feel compelled to defend a belief system? Like I said, I like the whole space thing, but I wouldn't be condescending to anyone over not believing it's real. Whether it's real or not is less important than how I treat someone. Hard lesson learned, thanks, Mom and Dad.

I need some more #bencongruity.

those who have minds to think, let them think

Caution: This is a think piece masquerading as conspiracy mockery.

Caution on this vid, probably NSFW. It's ok if you skip it, it's just a perfume commercial. Sort of.


~~~~~~~~~~

I know this vid is old (you'll have to click over to that if you want to see it, I'm not sharing it here), and I absolutely do not care whether it's real or not. I mean, it explains a lot of weird dreams and maladies I've had since childhood (and quite a lot of historical art that I run into), but so does basic childhood trauma around the world time out of mind and tons of entertainment saturation and doublespeak. I could point out flaws galore with it, and I could also point out how well it actually works in all our entertainment, especially scifi and porn. You see those motifs in that vid used regularly through the decades in both. Who knows, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, right.

There is a commonality throughout our entertainment that many of us either don't notice, don't piece together, or don't care about. Tell me how this movie is any different from Lady Gaga and 75% of the scifi, horror, and fantasy out there. You've got the underground, the cloning and recreating, the allusion to pedophilia and the wealthy who seek it, the 'game' that separates kids from families, men in black, the star child, and even a psychiatrist's couch. Every conspiracy you can find in all the other stuff is here, too. Well, maybe not the reptilians. I haven't really tried that hard.


And of course we all saw Johnny go on to become the Hatter in yet another of hundreds of Alice and White Rabbit retells. How are we not frickin' bored to tears yet with the whole rabbit hole thing? Um, maybe because there's some credence to it? But here is where I'm quick to point out that if it's real, then we've been so saturated with it for so long that who even cares any more?

The point is, human brains like patterns. Our minds are especially adapted to making patterns out of everything we see around us. If we are all learning the same things, seeing the same art and entertainment and news, then all our brains are synchronized to start noticing the same kinds of patterns. Some people are a lot better are specific kinds of patterns, like math and music, others are a lot better at social patterns and how people generally behave, others are really good at creating food and art and building and inventing because they catch on so quickly about how bits and pieces combine to become something else. Everything we do as humans is based on being able to recognize and create patterns. I happen to see patterns in entertainment, and I see quite a lot of repetition and borrowing and crossovering kind of stuff, which becomes even more fascinating when I dig into the history of creating entertainment, because that's what my brain is good at.

Just a sec, quick break. Seriously, I took a break.



I know this looks like a wild veer into different thought, but it's important. Part of my own personal inner turmoil and self interrogation is exactly this- Why do I seem to like it rough? (as the video below suggests). Maybe it's because I've been trained to handle life being rough from an early age. It was innocently done, to be sure, but by people so trained themselves that they couldn't see the actual conflict they were living out, with cruelty calling itself love. So much of this started ages and ages ago, long before they were even born. By the way, back to conspiracy, Lady Gaga in the gold outfit is the reptilian mockup, and the guys sitting around her in the rain of diamonds reminds me of the weird phase shifted beings (also shape shifters) sitting around a box full of human souls sucking up the fear and anguish for food in Star Trek Next Generation. I see so many crossover triggers to so many other imagery setups in tv shows and stuff, bits of sets, the way costumes are used, I think the subconscious effect on the brain is about the same between pop music and science fiction on television. And maybe there's a reason for that, but if there is, then we're up to our eyeballs in muppets and Disney while we're at it, so I'm not going there.


Needed another break. You probably did, too. I really like this song.


So I brought up the Paul McCartney conspiracy the other day, right. It's ok, I'm not the only delusional person in the world. And again, I really don't care. I never collected the Beatles stuff, although a nearly complete collection fell into my possession a few years ago. But for argument's sake, let's assume I'm the crazy one, although none of my diagnoses quite go that far.


In case you're new to me and haven't come across any of the general conspiracy crap blowing the world up for the last several decades (and especially over the last few years with the advent of youtube), the root of everything you need to know boils down to stuff being right in front of our faces, like living double lives and not being able to really believe stuff under our noses while we freak out about every little sentence on twitter or something. Conspiracy is a 2 sided coin. People who cover something up create conspiracy, but so do people who believe in something not real. What's it called when the conspiracy isn't hidden any more and the people are still freaking about it being a conspiracy?


What if you could get your wish? What if you had another you to go to work and you wouldn't have to personally experience the drudgery? What if you could turn that part of your mind over to a different you and then flip back and enjoy life after work was over? I know some of us would love that, right? Well, that's basically what some entertainers appear to be doing. Their work is so rigorous that they undergo aggressive, what I call, 'brain training'. And they don't have to really remember any of that if they don't want to, kind of like you don't have to remember having an operation. You go through a process that 'fixes' a few things, do a little recovery time, and find yourself handling so much more than you thought possible, remembering your lines better, having all kinds of fun traveling and being famous. No one has to know or even gets to know what you did to be able to fast track. Because, let's face it, none of us ordinary people could really keep up with a lot of what some of them are doing. 16 hour days? All hours, all kinds of weather, and millions at the box office. Maybe it's worth not remembering half the grueling stuff you had to go through, or at least being able to turn it off a little. Apparently, though, that has its flaws, and so the conspiracies are ramping up and people are freaking out and not realizing that quite a lot of people around the world grow up with the basic first steps of brain prepping for the training in the first place. It's been all around us all along, so why is this a surprise? I actually found it to be a bit familiar, and I've not even been through the 'pro' level.

What do you want? How badly do you want it? What are you willing to agree to do or give up in order to get what you want? Actually, you don't necessarily have to sell your soul or hand your mind over to a trainer to get what you want, but if all you care about is the fast track, yeah, you'd probably jump in without thinking it through.

But really, what if when your life sucks and you have a meltdown, a handler could just magically make it easier to deal? Or a brain chip? What if a frequency could be tweaked the same way a CPAP machine could be adjusted? What if you could message your psychiatrist and get a remote tweak adjust in your chip to get a slight frequency change and feel better? Brain waves are all the rage nowadays. They can be modulated without even touching you, and some day it may be possible from more of a distance.

Back to the Paul McCartney thing. Here are a couple of vids if you're interested, or you can skip them. It's not necessary to watch them, but your arm hairs will go up better later if you do a few minutes on each one first. I can prep your brain for a better experience, lol, setting up a pattern, as it were. And it works even better if you watched that very first link in the first paragraph up there, kinda trippy.



Ok, break time. I love that this next vid gets so many negative comments, but I don't see any pyramid conspiracy freak outs about it. Really flew under the ol' radar.


Ok, back to the Paul McCartney thing. During those vids I got two screenshots in particular. People have been freaking out lately about these kinds of things, and I keep saying I grew up with them. This is the proof.

You can check out these 4 articles if you want. Yes, it's part of the overall experience. I started looking because I've always mildly wondered what the in the world a yellow submarine has to do with anything. Well...

The Illuminatus! Trilogy- These novels go back to 1975, and you can see there is loads of conspiracy set into an entertainment format. This stuff has been going on since before most of you were born. Like I said, I grew up with it. "The prison is bombed and he is rescued by the Discordians, led by the enigmatic Hagbard Celine, captain of a golden submarine. Hagbard represents the Discordians in their eternal battle against the Illuminati, the conspiratorial organization that secretly controls the world. He finances his operations by smuggling illicit substances."

Discordianism- In case you were wondering what that is in the above paragraph, that is the old timey ancient mythological word for Chaos Magick, which is what it's all called today. It's an interesting read. Again, I grew up with those ideas, not in my home per se, but prevalent enough around us that my parents nearly put us kids into a private school.

Operation Mindfuck- Yes, that's a real thing that goes back to the 60s and basically explains what's happening on social media right now. Knowing is power, power is knowing. Step over conspiracy and learn what the real is behind it.

Aaaand back to the whole Paul McCartney thing. Back to conspiracy land.
The Beatles -- Illuminati Mind Controllers

Ok, let's put this all together now, assuming you kept up with all the vids and articles, and I'll say it very simply. Paul McCartney may have been cloned. I'll leave you to wonder what I just did to your head. Those of you who know I'm a huge Lady Gaga fan, *mind blown*. Space was her DJ on her world tour, and she is the best example I've ever seen of purposeful conspiracy paraded around the planet.


You can't find much on this guy, despite his obvious world level fame.

If you skipped all those vids and articles, it's ok to start over. Your arm hairs will still go up, even if you don't believe in it. Like I said, trippy.

free associating right off the blog

Don't click this. Ok, click it, but I won't be held responsible.

Well, it's just getting funnier and funnier. Even between the pinky porn searches and the 'blog like a pro' series pinterest board by other Pinky that continually peppers the search engines and sends AI content reapers my way like flies desperate to get rich on the bot maggots they bomb me nonstop with, Rick Lagina still wins grand prize hands down for sending me an interesting amount of very measurable traffic. Doesn't matter what, Rick Lagina death, Rick Lagina dies, Rick Lagina married, Rick Lagina sex... No one ever seems to get here wondering whether he actually found anything or what his net worth might be, it's always death and sex, in that order, the much larger percentage being death. I slack off and barely look over here at Pinky blog for a month, and Rick Lagina is just dripping off my referral walls like something in a bad Halloween movie. If I started writing Rick Lagina fanfic I'd probably go viral overnight. I could find ways to keep bringing him back to life and stuff.

Original photo is from this recap article

You know it's a fair bet that if I'm still running behind in Game of Thrones and my fave Friday night shows on Syfy, there's still no way I'm caught up with The Curse of Oak Island. I can't believe how often I've seen certain eps of PJ Masks, though. Where are the adult pajamas? I'm so brainwashed by now that I'm wanting the full coffee mug collection.

O. M. G. SOMEONE MADE COFFEE MUGS.

I probably had other stuff to say, but my mind is super blank. Well, it just goes super blank when I want to make words to share stuff, so maybe it's stuff best kept inside right now. How about a meander through youtube suggestions? This actually came up tippy top.


And from there it was all downhill, like the old days before minecraft.





New StrongBad vids!!! Here's the latest one from yesterday.


Wo, I find I suddenly have the TV. Bunny is gone...

the mighty pen

I started this about an hour and a half before midnight two nights ago.

I should probably be paying more attention.

I only found that because I couldn't keep a game server up and wasn't quite ready to pull my brain off the screen yet. As far as I can tell, a specific something kinda boomed in a particular couple of areas that was most likely Lexx related. Oh, nothing, just deep underneath the surface mining ores 'n stuff, glancing up...

I've started asking this question of a few people around me in real life and online- If you knew you could make $100,000 over the next 2 years, would you let anything stop you? And then when I move on to Would you let your depression stop you?, the response instantly lets me know they know exactly what I'm talking about.

I believe I am capable. I believe I have worthy material. My stats let me know once in awhile that other people think that, too. I have things to say that have garnered interest from nearly every country on the planet, some of the most specific hits coming in on posts leaning out over that not-quite-saying-it edge on religion and politics. Well, today it may have been about fandom freedoms and politics.

I don't share all of what I really think on blogs. As I inch closer and closer to hard copy print merch, it's becoming more clear how much impact I could possibly have. Original intention was to have impact, yes, but originally, I never even dreamed of how much impact just a few blog posts could have.

I love author bios. It's cool finding out that Orwell was unimaginably ill with tuberculosis as he was writing 1984. It's comforting finding out that a favorite book here or there took ten years to write. It's weird wondering what a generation or two after me would say if I ever really did make it. It's horrible thinking it will all go to the grave with me if I don't get this done.

I haven't been this emotionally and physically drained in years. Fatigued, yes. More crippled and suffering, yes. More sick and afraid, most definitely. But too tired to care... never. I don't recall ever reaching this point before. Even when I got close, anger would always push me back onto my path. I'm too tired to be angry any more.

Revenge is best served cold. I'm beginning to see a new interpretation of that. I think it's often meant more like a well-planned revenge works best when the temper flaring is out of the way. I'm wondering now if it could also mean revenge is best served when it is no longer even cared about. I'm noticing a new freedom growing in my mind. The tireder I feel, the less I worry about consequences or perfect timing or the money that's gone into it. By the time I get this done, I'll be so worn out that I'll still be a completely normal person living a normal life trying to get back into an occasional live tweet, like what I did never even happened. Big deal, right Neal? Oh yeah, that book thing. I'll be more concerned about how far behind I'm dragging on a TV show or whether I can keep up with other players on a game server.

Now it is today.

And I don't have much to say. Scratch that, I have reams in stack overflow. I've been writing on anything and everything I can lay hands on when tech is down and I'm spread thin across the maps. Back to school pens and spirals are my Christmas, all boiled down.

I'm to the point where I don't believe any author that actually manages to write on any kind of schedule at all has enough family life of some kind going on. #fam When I arrive to my deathbed, I definitely won't be regretting that I didn't stop continually over and over in the middle of paragraphs and sentences and thoughts to respond to people I care about on all sides coming to me for anything and everything.

The love is so very real. I hope to God I get this done.

evil villains don't thrive on feeling good

for @bonenado
clicks to source, and the article is making me laugh after the week he's been through with mother, sisters, daughter, and wife

This is my 11th day sans baclofen. I spent 3 weeks breaking pills down to taper slowly, finally jumped off after 2 days of 1/8th of a pill. Still in withdrawal. My moods are horrible, my nerve pain sucks in ways that are so much worse than before I ever started, and I was on the smallest dose only once a day for less than a month before I started tapering. This is about the nastiest med I've ever been on, heavenly and super addictive, screws diabetes all to hell, rebounds like a super ball on a trampoline, and the mood swings, omg.

I've had difficulty walking ever since I jumped off. I'm finding that happens to other people, too. Yes, you heard me, literally having difficulty using my legs and feet. I don't know how this med isn't outlawed. Anyone making a big deal about opiate or benzo abuse gets a hardy laugh out of me after this one.

This has been fantastic for context, though. Next time I think I'm miserable with nerve pain, I'm going to remember this withdrawal, pull my big girl panties clear up to my chin, and suck it up. I can't even begin to describe what charlie horses between every facet of my whole spine is like. Every joint in my body hurts like I got smashed around in an accident. My neck feels like I've been whiplashed. Whatever sciatica hell I'm in reminds me of the year in college I could barely walk, and I'm wondering if that must've been a med withdrawal, too, and I just never knew it. It's really stupid when a med withdrawal is worse than the condition that is crippling you.

At any rate, most of my crabbing has been spread out so at least I didn't hit you guys every day on Pinky blog. This is my obligatory crab post here since it's been so long since I posted last.

poster child

click for more demotivation

Sorry about yesterday, was running around town and wanted to check something.

Big A++ on my 6 month followup with my sleep doctor. I'm very difficult with med compliance, but it sounds like I'm one of the most CPAP compliant people they've ever seen. Srsly, 2 decades on 6 or less hours of sleep on 90% of nights, and for a number of those years it was 2-4. I was the poster child for 'sleep deprivation won't actually kill you'. I have a will of steel and a healthy fear of dying in my sleep. Y'all fussing about you'd rather die than live with CPAP, your choice, and see you in the next life. I'm busy and I've got things to do.

My summer syllabus is working beautifully so far. I might share it sometime. It's a maintenance aka back on track schedule that commands a rhythm of regular down time, and my fasting glucose this morning is already down to 94. Right? It was 110 ten days ago. Doing this without diabetes meds, guys. Controlling internal environment, balancing incoming chemicals (pain control), I can do this. It's getting more and more obvious that pain referral, while being a tricky bastard, can be tricked itself. Psychoneuroimmunology. You can learn to spell it just as I did. You can also check it out. If you want more in-depth, here is wikipedia.

Thanks to rain gods, fertility goddesses, wood nymphs, and field fairies, the pixie dust around here is obnoxiously high and even worse when it's being thrown about during mowing. Our tiny grasslands nestled all through Mirkwood are as lush as I've ever seen them. Still cranking around the clock on zyrtec and benadryl, and still at least 6 weeks away from ragweed season. This year promises to be a real booger. Get it? Nvrmnd.

Yeah, I dunno wassup with my brain this morning. It seems a bit jolly. Maybe it's the blood sugar coming down. Hope this means my crabby spell is about over.

1000th post

I searched 'pinky turbo 1000'. The internet did not disappoint.

I had a visit earlier today from enjoyingthejourney, much appreciated even though I don't know if that was the blog owner or someone just coming from there. I check out referrals, and some of them have good stuff. This one has a recent post called An Open Secret: Documentary on Hollywood Pedophelia featuring this vid (clicks to IMDB), about an hour and a half long. I generally don't sit through long vids, but I did that one because Corey Feldman cameo'd in it. (Took a few breaks, though.) I mention The Two Coreys in older blog posts at Spaz and Surveypalooza, so this is something I've been aware of for awhile.

Anyway, the last 10 minutes are so powerful, I'm going to quote some of the things people said in it.

"The dream is so important. You know why? Because if you live in this earth, you have to feel something, and the dream makes you feel things. And that's what the power of a dream is, you know? A dream is life."

Evan Henzi: "It's a hard process to go through, the whole court thing, the whole police stuff, but in the long run it's so worth it, because in the long run it really isn't about how long this person will serve time in prison, or getting justice, revenge, and all that. It's more a kind of being able to express yourself and say Look, this happened to me, and I'm going to move on from it, and I'm not going to hide this in my head the rest of my life. And I'm going to maybe possibly learn to make a difference to somebody else by speaking out about it."

Corey Feldman on The View: "I'm saying there are people that were the people that did this to both me and Corey (Haim) that are still working, they're still out there, and they're some of the richest most powerful people in this business. And they do not want me saying what I'm saying right now."
Response from Barbara Walters: "You're damaging an entire industry." wtf, Barbara... 😡😢 (Corey Haim Died Broke & Alone, Says Corey Feldman)

Caroline Heldman: "Ultimately I think that viewers are the only group of power in this situation, because I think that there will always be a steady stream of kids who wanna be famous, of parents who push their children. And this industry, it's interesting how we will go and pay money and support a system which sexualizes children or puts them in situations in films where they're around adults who are engaging in inappropriate things. We would never do that for our own children."

Here is the original song at the end of that documentary.



Ok, some of you guys know how I feel about all this junk, and that even a very well done documentary about the Hollywood child actor sex ring doesn't make me blink. In the documentary they say this is the tip of a very big iceberg. Well, how about that is actually the tiny tip of a very local iceberg that has worldwide connections and commerce. If you've been paying attention to entertainment at all going back to our parents and grandparents, this has always existed. (And seriously, this goes back through human history, this is nothing new at all.) There are people and even families in our first world country who actually have kids to sell them, and this covers every religion, every political camp, every background and point of view. Children are commodities. I'll go so far as to say that hand picked/placed police, judicial, and medical personnel all help keep this network running very smoothly, case in point, how many people in Hollywood have access to so many prescriptions to use on other people. And no, I don't say this because I watch too much conspiracy drama on TV.

Until humans decide that it sucks for everyone to keep paying for commodities made out of other humans who are stripped of all their rights, threatened regularly with punishment or death if they don't cooperate or keep secrets, and drugged to be controlled, then none of this will change. And anti-sex people aren't off the hook. As long as militant religions can burn their wives and daughters for kindnesses to strangers, this world will never know peace. As long as people can mutilate their children and force them through rituals that break them down into obedient robots in the names of belief systems, there will be no 'faith in humanity restored'.

Before I forget, I'd like to challenge older adults in entertainment who made such a big deal stepping up for religion and politics to actually start helping these younger actors with the finger pointing. Pretty sure some of you have been groomed yourselves, even the super straight ones who are so careful not to rock more of the boat than you absolutely have to while you're rocking it on politics and religion.

I've had a long, crabby week, so it's fitting that my thousandth post be especially crabby. I'm really ticked at Barbara for responding like that.

I need distraction.

someone else's suckage

Dear person in France using a Firefox browser in Windows- It's getting a little excessive. I hope you're ok. If you need to shoot me a private message, no one sees comments until approved, and I can leave it in pending so it will stay private. I don't know what else to say except that whatever is going on feels like some kind of weird morse code and maybe you're ready for that step out from lurking.

So, huge weekend in progress in the U.S., and my crew is all over getting food ready for a great big cookout next door. In case a few of you have missed the hints, my father-in-law (retired veteran, 15 year cancer survivor) is on hospice at home because the cancer is back with a vengeance.

@bonenado had a free evening last night, so we started plowing through a stack of The 100 that had piled up in the DVR. We're up to the part where Clarke finally cried over a very bad decision and still kept making the bad decision anyway. Wait, wot... The 100 isn't very different from The Walking Dead, all the same vehicle accidents in all the right spots kind of thing, the constant flip flopping and side taking, the facepalming and regrouping. Mostly, though, it's just a whole lotta mud. I think Octavia looks awesome in mud. She's the new face of warrior princess, and wouldn't we love to see her go up against Xena, amIright. Srsly, tho, I think 2 eps and we'll be caught up. Jasper's death scene was fantastically done, btw, very wrenching and beautiful and tragic. Loved it. Other top fave character developments include Raven and John Murphy, and I could go on for miles about supporting cast being awesome. And some of  you know how I feel about 'shadow govt' kind of stuff, which was nicely handled earlier in the series.
How ‘The 100’ has facilitated important conversations about free will and rape culture

Moving on, allergies are horrible here because 3 1/2 weeks of rain has turned Mirkwood and the surrounding Shire into a jungle, mowers galore mulching it all up into the thick humid air for us all to inhale, our lungs are full of green slime, our ears are stopped up, our sinuses are gunked, @bonenado is covered in poison ivy, and isn't it all beautiful out there. All y'alls living on concrete promoting planet luv need to understand this space ball is poisonous and vindictive and will take us all down in the end with a satisfied burp. We're only hurting ourselves with all our lawn care products. I keep voting for rock gardens, but noooo....

This is a prolific monster copperhead year, too. "Copperhead snakes are some of the more commonly seen North American snakes. They're also the most likely to bite, although their venom is relatively mild, and their bites are rarely fatal for humans." What they don't mention is one bite on a finger can swell your entire arm up to your shoulder and you'll be in a lot of pain and feel super gross for days, and some people even get delirious, so 'rarely fatal' doesn't mean it doesn't mess you up. People like to run around barefoot, and like so many, I've actually stepped on one barefoot (and have worn shoes outside ever since), but thankfully I jumped so high so fast and scared the snake so badly that neither one of us were harmed. I've known people who wound up on crutches for several days, and it's pretty miserable for pain. Also please note that 'rare' doesn't mean 'never' concerning fatalities, plus there's just as much risk from infection or other disease like salmonella from point of contact, so take a snake bite seriously.

How ironic that this comment just came in on my youtube chicken eats a snake, talk about live blogging.

I may not block and don't always delete, but I vigorously report abusive interaction because there's no excuse for poor behavior.

That person can't see all my notifications.

True, I can't see theirs either, and it's not a contest at any rate, but at least my twitter account is active and thriving and my websites actually work and that youtube has nearly 6000 views, so SanityGamingUK can suck it, but you're welcome for the web traffic you're about to get... that you can't see because your stuff is so shut down...

I think I've gotten up 50 times during this post to do stuff with Bunny. Maybe I should stop here and move on with my day, lotta busy stuff going on.





~later~ And this is why I normally don't engage. It was a garter snake, and someone just wants to fight. Fine, reported and blocked. You guys know chickens very naturally eat anything that moves, right? Frogs, lizards, mice... They crave nutrients just like the rest of the world does, and skeletons are full of calcium. We live on a hostile planet, get a grip with the hatefest, and bring some intelligence to the game. Live and be well.

Being public is a challenge, and not because of this kind of stuff. This is nothing. I've had much nastier things said to me and thrown at me than this. The challenge is realizing that the person on the other side is using internet to displace onto, and that either comes from a toxic environment or an emotionally sideswiped person having trubbas dealing with something irl. Hostility is a symptom, and reacting with more hostility doesn't help anything, doesn't prove anyone right, doesn't make a winner out of either side. If SanityGamingUK has dead and closed accounts all over the place, one can only wonder why, how much suckage is going on in real life, and the hugs this person might need. Been there.

etiquette under pressure

Sorry about that, left you guys hanging for a few days. Yesterday was one of those marvelous dives into aspienado obsession along with real life ironies like Scott's ex hanging out in our house and laughing at Bunny antics over a cheese sampler plate. Despite every kind of awkward that a pending cancer demise brings upon a family, I appreciate foremost that, being the one who has learned to step back the most, awkward social situations is something I now see the older women on my mother's side conquering most graciously when I was a child. Etiquette under pressure is a skill I've fled most in my life but funnily happen to be kind of good at. Also, it helps being utterly obsessed with a misguided notion that someone could conceivably mess with my villagers on an ungriefable claim, which kept me busy and way under the radar for hours while other people around me coped with very hard stuff.

This is probably hard to see, but that is a double fence row. We're supposed to keep 250 blocks between us when claiming, but I'm already claimed out and can no longer expand, so I allow other players to build near me. I've even said go ahead and claim right up to my lines. I like that I have neighbors, and you can see that cute house in the distance, right? That little house is between my big Yablo claim and the village I claimed that I'm currently standing on a little platform over. To the right of that is a big build by a player who has already been banned, and the big build to the left is a player who has actually been getting free fence from me without mentioning it was going all around my village claim... joke's on me.

Time flies on a server, and I was off doing other things while these big structures went up near me. I didn't even see them until I ran into them yesterday going to check on my village, which used to be out in a rugged wilderness and now seems to be a rugged outcrop in New Jersey, possibly just outside Philly. I actually like it, not complaining at all, because it makes my builds look way more metro and cool, considering we're only a short distance from my huge claim with the big glowing TV glasses and the big sculpt glowing in the sky.

But. I also discovered that all that player has to do to get into my village now (formerly impenetrable since grief proof means no one can open a gate and no one can break blocks near it without claiming blocks) is place a dirt block next to their fence to get on top of their fence, then simply jump over both our fencelines onto my claim. I have no idea if from there they could mess with my villagers at all, probably not, BUT simply being near or in there would have all the mobs spawning in the vicinity, and mobs kill villagers. I was down to 3 by the time I went there yesterday checking on them, and I know I had at least 7 a coupe of weeks ago, and that they were having babies, a first for our server where other players have really struggled trying to get their villagers to reproduce.

How to prevent further deaths and still retain aesthetic integrity... I elected glass dyson dome. Yes, I know, my default sux and you guys have cool mod packs, go suck it, ok? Also, I turned down an offer from an architect on server to turn all that into an invisible barrier. I spent DAYS collecting sand and smelting it into an uber treasure of glass blocks and then HOURS yesterday placing all those, there is no way I'm throwing all that work away for one fell swoop of invisible barrier. I want people to SEE the work I put into that, sheesh.

Oh, you noticed. 😋 I'm mocking the economy by converting the temple into emerald blocks. The entire village will slowly convert into a fun little place, but for now, it's mostly just on hold.

I probably shouldn't reveal his whereabouts, but what the heck.

Couldn't resist.

And since we are the BEN clan...

And I got a little subtle, this is a fave Ben Stiller character.

There are a few more. OriginalSteve apparently got mobbed, but Jeff survived

along with a couple others I didn't name and don't think are cool enough puns to share, so. OH, and BenedictCumberpickle is gone, too, wah. Oh, well. It was a cumbersome name... get it? Nevermind.

I'm a bit rankled last few days and kinda cranky online, but so is everyone else irl in between crying jags, so I don't feel like talking much. I know people wanna help, but I can't handle when it comes from all sides. I can't pretend to be sweet when I'm going pure shutdown and all I see through the flames is other people not listening to what I really really need, like an hour of quiet time, because y'all don't see a very busy tiny person zooming around my house and I'm just trying to stay sane without small talk making me crazier because I'm on the edge of internal meltdown. The autie stuff I read doesn't even begin to cover this level I live with in my own head and begs off with too much disclaiming and redefining, and I'm here to say hellz yeah I'm obsessing because it's my frickin escape from flaming everyone into charcoal. Escapism is real and it's good for the soul. And relationships. Plunging into rabbit holes keeps me from blowing everything up between me and the people I love while I'm having trubba coping emotionally because I'm in core meltdown and hard shutdown and the words don't come out my mouth and fingers right in real time. The only way to stop it is for *me* to stop talking, and that's what I need to do.

This was me last night not doing /abandomallclaims and deleting moc off Jawn's hard drive. My mood was horrible.











I've gotta go do stuff. You guys have fun.