advance token to Boardwalk

This blog has grown very big and is considered too heavy to site map now. It can stay here like an archive while I continue on another Pinky blog. This is my last post on this blog address.

property values in my neighborhood

Pic clicks to site

Major recon and salvage started on that this last weekend. That forum was rescued by fans when the original Lexx.com sold off. I sat in on that auction, it sold for $8000 something. This is what that domain is worth now, according to GoDaddy. Which is sad because the pointer is being completely wasted.

That got me curious about my own dotcoms. What is Lexxperience worth? Well, it depends on who you check with. GoDaddy says this.

Valuemydomain begs to differ.

Statchest says this. Yowza. I guess it depends on what part of the world you're in or something.

So I got to wondering about Pinky blog. Valuemydomain says it's not worth very much.

Statchest has a little more faith in me.

GoDaddy says they're nuts. Pinky blog is cool, like the Fonz.

So what about my Janika dotcom? It just sits there, right. I mean, I never do anything with it, it's just a place holder for later, blahblah. *FALLS OUT OF CHAIR* I had popped over to freevaluator to see how that looks. Surely that can't be right.

Valuemydomain said that was a pile of crap but I still kinda stared at that again.

And then statchest just blew me completely away. HOW???

GoDaddy told me to calm back down, lol.

So depending on where you check, Lexxperience isn't doing too bad, and JanikaBanks is kinda hot. I wanted to keep checking but most of those sites stop you at 3 and then require either a login or buying premium to see more. Guess I'd better get on the new analytics property settings. Pretty sure setting all those as verified properties with google IDs is what made them worth anything, and I'm guessing WordPress is what made Janika more valuable. Funny that Blogger isn't more valuable... lol. I should move all my Lexx stuff to WordPress just in case something really big changes.

Always something. I really do need office staff.

Quietly not pointing straight out that I'm worth more than Lexx....

writing ourselves

Stuff.

• Ow.
• workworkwork
• ~oof~
• drivedoallthethingsdrive
• *spaced out*
• typetypetypedeleteitalleatsuppertype

I think I'm going to write my book like that. I'll have to send the entire thing straight through without an editor review or it'll take forever arguing back and forth about rendering out my coolness with their auto software rewrite.

Thoughts lately.

• The way Gotham is nodding to all the Joker incarnations. 🏆
• When it's the Harrison Wells spinoff but they keep calling it The Flash. 😶
• Finally watched The Two Coreys. 💔💔
• Ancient Aliens. 👽 

I drew a blank there. I'm keeping up with the new episodes, just spaced out while a thousand thoughts suddenly crowded in.

I used to try to meticulously untangle all my thoughts. I thought if I laid them all out I'd be able to objectively and more logically see where meaning lies. I'm kind of leaning nowadays in the direction of subjective interpretive leaps.

For instance, I am very slow audio processing. I can listen and retain very well as long as there is no other stimuli. At all. But add visual and background noise and interruptions and whatever, forget it.

On the other hand, I'm a speed reader. I can glance through very thick technical material and sift out pertinent data very quickly and then transcribe condensated (action word for condensed, yes, I know it's not a real word but it should be) interpretation for easy ingestion by others.

So it's dawning on me that, maybe, trying to be so conscious of every thought is getting in my way. It's slowing me way down. Like math, for you non-mathy types. It feels very laborious to think through structuring a complex math sentence, but so easily spoken as an idea, right. Some brains are good at expression, some are more intuitive without it.

Back to Ancient Aliens. Reality starts with the Nazca lines. They exist. We can speculate till the cows turn blue and never really have an answer. The pyramids, on the other hand, are making more and more sense all the time. It's like our planet broke out in a pyramid rash one millennia and they've never gone away, like chicken pox scars.

I finally ventured into the 'truther' vids about the vacuum of space. They have a point. When I was in grade school back in the 70s, it was common knowledge that space would explode your eyeballs if you didn't have a helmet on. You really don't see that in scifi any more. I asked @bonenado about the Tesla car that SpaceX sent up, why didn't the tires blow out, and without an eyeblink he shot back maybe they were solid tires, because there is such a thing. My husband, with basically no knowledge whatsover of the science of a vacuum, was smarter than Elon Musk in that moment. Even if the Tesla car was for real, why did Elon stutter when he was asked that? Why didn't he shoot out a real answer? And even if the Tesla car was fake, why was he not ready with an answer like that? If he's so smart, how could he not just say something like that when put on the spot? @bonenado was the kid who ate glue in school, and he shot that out so fast without even thinking, and he hadn't even seen the videos about that.

I don't think anything we see is real. Since I was a kid, I have suspected that there is way more than we can imagine, and way less than we speculate. I've been saying for years that we are swimming in radio waves and radiation, that our satellite transmissions are a soup all around us, every possible thing we could ever pick up a signal on is going through us all the time. Worlds we don't see and can't imagine pass through us continually. We bump into walls that we could easily walk through if we knew how, we drag around in bodies that we either hate or take for granted instead of using them to enjoy life and learn how to love each other, we stumble over our own thoughts into gloom and fear when another thought could easily dissolve that away.

All boiled down, we're living our own stories, right. Some people are living bad scifi movies, some people are living scary chiller movies, some people are living lifetime and hallmark movies. And you know it's cool now to jump the shark and mash it all up into a parody movie or a mockumentary.

The Tesla car doesn't bother me. Whether people really went into space or not doesn't bother me. Villains in politics don't bother me. What bothers me is when I hear someone lose it all over someone else while I'm shopping. What really bothers me is when I see a guy punch a girl in a car across a parking lot. What bothers me the most is when I see a crying baby trapped in a car seat being smacked really hard by someone who can't get their life together.

What is reality? What are we choosing?

I'm hiding in my house from a brainwashing cult and practically living in a game server, and you know what? I've never felt more free. If you try to tell me that's messed up, I'll say yeah, so is the idea that we wish aliens would come tell us how to love each other.

Happy May stuffs

I bin bizzy!

That lilac bush up there is 20+ years old, about 10 feet tall now. I remember when it was a twig. This next is our redbud tree. We've never seen it flower along the bigger branches like that before, usually sticks to the smaller branches. Maybe growing new baby branches?

The clover patches are coming in really thick. We used to have lots of wild bunnies but I haven't seen any in years, not sure why. Bunnies love clover.

Baby butterfly bushes sprouting in. My yard will smell like someone tipped a giant vat of honey over when they bloom.

Papa got lots of help this last weekend.

Worms!

I got lots of help, too. We've got mixed flowers, cantaloupe, zucchini, and radishes started. Some sight words also magically appeared out of nowhere and surprised all of us. She had never spontaneously made them herself on paper outside of a classroom as far as I know.

A friend gave me this conch a long time ago, and it has always looked beautiful under a little tree. I don't know what happened here, maybe the winter was extra rough and little critters started gnawing for minerals or something. Now we can see how pretty the inside looks! Hard to see, didn't use any filters, but the pink is glossy and magical.

This happened across the street the other day. No idea what they were doing, but something got fixed rather pronto, and then they were gone again. Water line? No idea.

Someone got face painted at a school carnival.

Getting pretty good at first shot on target with that flame bow. Got me a gamer girl.

Kinda like a tiny little Felicity Smoak, lol.

Caught one of those flash sales and grabbed this. It's here if you want one.

Not a clue what I was saying here, but it's from a few days back.

I know, I used to post pix all the time and I almost never do anymore. My Batman turns 5 pretty soon, so maybe we'll see what he's up to soon.

Hang on a sec, I'm being hacked by something and I've gotta reboot to get some stupid popups outa my way. K, I'm back. Kaspersky was throwing fits. I need to take that off since it's no longer properly supported in the U.S. It loves to hate java, but I can't help wondering if it itself is part of the back door in on that, and maybe that's why a ton of big companies and govt offices dropped Kaspersky like a hot potato. From 9-13-17 Federal Agencies Ordered to Stop Using Kaspersky Software

I've been doing a lot of thinking last few months about money *wow* my blogger editor keeps moving... I never see it do this. Not the first time something weird has happened while I blog, live blogging is my fave sport. And the save button seems to be going off every few seconds. I'm trying to figure out if I'm doing this or what. It's like when I want to shift but not really. Or like when a finger slips onto two buttons but not really. And every time I mention it again, it stops. So I guess I'll keep typing. I have remote turned off, hopefully that didn't default after an update or something. testtest Welp, moving on.

Ok, back to the money thoughts. I was thinking about how I don't need the dotcom for this blog, that it's not pertinent to the web ranking and was never part of my plan, and people come straight here anyway without it. And for a couple of hours I was all into letting it go. But then it hit me that some of the funnier search referrals are really coming in for Pinky porn, and they wind up staying and reading several pages, which cracks me up. There are so many Pinky Guerreros out there, legit businesses, and only a couple are actually porn, so I dunno why no one ever grabbed this dotcom, but it hit me *wow* do you mind I'm trying to type here. lol, my mouse just moved on its own. Ok, where was I. Ok, it hit me that while I've got the dotcom, a porn slaver can't use it, right? Because you know that's what a lot of that is online, it's slaving. Very few people legit decide to go into their own porn biz and learn all the ropes, there's plenty of help, and quite a lot of bios out there are set up to look like independent accounts by females and children, but if you stand back and look at how generic and the same formatting they are, it's basically like porn farming, like the way you can set up auto farming with redstone on minecraft, wel

aaaand this just happened right when I was typing that.

Ok, that was last night and I just went to bed after that. Now it's morning.

My point is, as long as I own my dotcom, no one else can own it for something yucky. As long as I own it, it redirects minds away from addiction enslavement and toward actual thought. So I might keep that one.

Then I got to thinking about the old Lexx forum that I've been paying for. It's unusable, and I haven't been able to contact anyone about it for years. I basically have the info to keep paying for it and that's it. I don't have the power to migrate it or fix it. If I stop paying for it, will it disappear? Will the owner stir and ask for donations? Is the owner even still alive? I could conceivably copy/paste content to a new area that is much cheaper if all we're doing is keeping the content from disappearing. If I do that it'll be a LOT of work. It would go to another forum I pay for that would be open to public, and I'd basically have only 5 scant months or less to get that done before annual fee comes back up. That changed on me, by the way. I had paid ahead 5 years and they up and changed the annual fee the next year, making it much more expensive, so I'm shelling out over $300 a year now for a dead forum that I can't fix. I've put years of pocket money into that fandom museum. I don't know what else to do. But the second it would disappear, someone would ask me why...

That last paragraph wore me out just writing it.

Anyway, stuff like that. Stuff I pay for that could go toward other stuff instead. My budget is super tight and most of my money goes toward my own health care. I nailed down about $45 spending money per month, and I'm so terribly frugal that I manage to do big stuff with it. Still, all this stuff isn't technically necessary to overall future plan I originally made, and this might be the year I pare it back down to why I'm here in the first place. All that distraction into other things was because of other people pushing me this way and that, and I learned a lot and actually had fun and grew in many ways that were good for me, but I've got to pull the scattered mess back together now. I figured out my own stuff along the way, and it feels like it's time and I think I'm about ready. Maybe I should let go of the extra stuff.

speed fail

Another hour till  movie gang time and I know I'm super fail blogging lately, so quickie power point.

• I love burnt raisins. Overcooked the last batch of oatmeal cookies and am now delightfully hooked on that bittersweet of the tortured grape.
• My cynicism is kicking into high gear as I become more seasoned moderating on a game server. Srsly gonna start supplementing my twitter with the warn, mute, ban thing. Apparently foot fetish is ok to slide into DMs and I instantly hated, you know? Like *ew* thanx for spoiling a long twitter friendship.
• K, Holly's calling so the hour is slipping by, lol.

Here, have a video.

live blogging back to lurkers

Ah, yes, thank you person who is checking on the posts that got wrecked by my recent wallpaper update. Apparently a Shezzaday post is wildly screwed now and impossible to read. Just run your mouse over it to highlight. I'm not going back to reset the tables and stuff. #sorrynotsorry

veering wildly around the mental cliffs

Test, test. Is this thing on?

I've had a few complaints concerning difficulty reading pinky blog for awhile (years), but I didn't care. I was actually changing the background today and apparently overwrote more than just the wallpaper with one click. My bad. I used to highlight links in my posts in different colors, those are all gone now. Sorry. I can colorize them going forward, not sure if I can fix the past, and I'm not going to worry about it. Anyway, for those of you whining for monochromatic white on black, here you go.

Here, have a pic a friend shared earlier. It's a Ben sammy. 😂 Oh, I kill me. To me it looks like Tom and Ben had a son, but turns out it's two Toms with a Ben in the middle. Whatever. Maybe it'll help us feel better about me torching the fun out of pinky blog.

I had a flirt with ID theft this morning on top of being stalked, if you don't follow me on twitter, too bad, you missed the whole thing, lol. I had one of those stupid weather headaches all weekend and I'm still a little woozy brained, so nothing surprises me today. I can't seem to touch anything without a chain reaction of things going out of control, so I'm kind of not touching anything any more today. I'm also realizing that a double bag of instant coffee in one cup wasn't my brightest idea and I'd better quit only a third of the way down if I want to sleep at all tonight.

I'm currently listening to this guy. I love him. I hinted last month that maybe (woot! I think I fixed the link colors), anyway, there might be some synchronicity to Dave, right. Well, David here, which I did not know when I wrote that silly post last month, actually has a book out on synchronicity. So there you go. This video isn't about that, this goes further back, I think. Anyway, in case you wonder how it's going, I've got David's voice bouncing around my head while I do chores.

bits of good and bad advice

I am absolutely killing Pinky blog. 😆 It's been hilarious watching all that drop off. Au revoir.

I started a different kind of project, which will be explained later. In the meantime, I'm fine. 😊 Super busy, as always. Maybe I'll bullet point before I go.

• Approved for physical therapy on left shoulder for impingement, which, if I'd known was taken so seriously, I'd have gotten on top of years ago. I've lived with crazy amounts of pain, this is hopefully the last big hurdle.
• The difference between parm cheese and candy is mega amounts of salt. Don't parm yourself like it's candy. Heart got a little thumpy this week.
• I can't believe how much TV we've managed to get caught up on again this last week, even came in late to a live tweet. Felt so goooood.
• The back to back euphorias finally wore off and I'm sleeping through the nights again, yay! That was pretty wild.
• Plan this month is stay on top of tree allergies. This is historically one of my really bad months, so I'm mostly hiding in my house. Might be pouring liquid zyrtec in my eyes. (Don't really do that, ok?)
• I'm also craving spring veggies, so I'm all over salads this week. Can't seem to get enough radishes. Check it, they're full of vitamin C and other good stuffs. Radishes 
• And now I'm going to bed. Sweet dreams.

my thoughts on opinion vidders freaking out

This is how long I've been out on the webs again. It's funny and fortunate that I actually dated that pin. This clicks back to the pin I made.

As you can see next, pinterest started keeping stats in 2015. At first I thought that was because I connected it to a dotcom as a business account, but I checked and apparently I did that in 2014, and I remember when pinterest alerted me to the new analytics after I had already verified it with that connection. Anyway, who knows how many more times this pin was engaged in the 3 years and 3 months that pinterest didn't yet provide statistics for me.

That is one item in one fandom in one specific analytics summary.

Leaving little bits of ourselves here and there is important. I'm currently watching freedom of speech reactions on another host going crazy about algorithms against opinionating, debates over who is the real truther vs some kind of psy-op, and I have a different angle on it.

I trust no one. Someone could be completely right but that doesn't make them someone to trust. I'm watching mass flocking sifting people out into little 'fan' groups obsessing over 'truth', and what they're missing is asking how trustworthy are *we* as the little fans in these groups? We might be completely innocent and well-meaning on our ends, but so stupid about something that we don't realize we are doing something detrimental to the whole group.

I remember dreaming about this. That link took forever to find because I didn't tag it in 'dreams'.

Pinky blog is still blocked in China.

Please note there are ways around this.

'Muricans need to learn to think outside our 'freedom' boxes. A lot of people panicking lately had no idea we've actually been inside a deprivation tank for a long time, and they're finding out we do actually live in just as much of an information block as the rest of the world. Whatever this 'freedom' is that we think we have is so pale in comparison to actual truth and news outside our sphere that it would appear we are living in a fish tank.

Everyone wants 'truth'. The truth is that there never has been 'freedom', and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can move on and actually find ways to spread truth. Some of us use a form of encryption that has nothing to do with computers or internet.

Humans tell stories. Mythologies, nursery rhymes, prose, plays in theater- these all carry meanings embedded into word arrangements that conjure visuals. People using platform hosts to share 'truth' and hitting walls simply need to wake up. You are still asleep if you are feeling irked and riled up over your sudden loss of freedom of speech. You never had it. They just let you think you did.

We still have the freedom of expression. We are still allowed to tell our stories. God knows how much I've written in Pinky blog about finding my personal meaning by sharing my stories and some of my dreams. I may not reach ten thousand people in a 15 minute live rant, but I have reached over 100,000 just typing silly words. The goal is to get past the borders, the vehicle is fandoms, the message is encrypted in stories and dreams.

This is how ideas have survived occupations during wars for countless centuries. I think Americans have forgotten that. Maybe it's time they learned how to do that again.

my runcible blog

So I've got evidence that Pinky blog is being mirror accounted in at least one other country, lol. 😂😁 Whatever floats your goat guys. I know curating isn't enough, right. Just slap copies up and go to town with it and stuff. Right now it's more important that some of my words just get spread anyway, so I'm not too bothered. It could all end with dirty nukes and grids going down and who knows, some of my Pinky wisdom might live on somewhere.

Meanwhile, two of us came home with broccoli this week and now I'm working on gastric stack overflow. Today's menu includes a cheesy rice pilaf full of mashed up broccoli, with a slight hint of onion. I use several kinds of cheese so it's super yum. If I had leftover bacon I'd throw that in, too. One time I did that and stirred bits of cream cheese in, that was heavenly.

I just did a thorough research on Edward Lear because The Owl and the Pussycat crossed my mind awhile ago. Of course, that'll never show up on a social media scoring system. Klout keeps insisting that I'm a Stephen King expert for some reason. Confession- I'm well read and I've never opened a single Stephen King book in my life and rarely watch related movies or television show episodes that he's somehow involved with. I've watched Under the Dome, but other than that, I very rarely stop to check out anything his name is on. A few friends of mine are die hard Stephen King fans, so I'm very well aware of his remarkable history. I did see Lawnmower Man but apparently all he gets credit for is the title, lol. And I guess this is odd because anyone who gets to know me eventually compares me to Stephen King for some reason. I'd like to turn that back to Edward Lear, but since I don't often share my prolific penchant for limerick (the majority wind up incredibly yet tastefully naughty for some reason, and I'd rather not become known for that), no one ever says I'm the next Edward Lear. That sort of makes me sad.

From Runcible-Wikipedia- "In Neal Stephenson's 1995 novel The Diamond Age, Runcible is a code name for the Young Lady's Illustrated Primer, an educational computer."

From The Diamond Age-Wikipedia- "Society in The Diamond Age is dominated by a number of phyles, also sometimes called tribes. Phyles are groups of people often distinguished by shared values, similar ethnic heritage, a common religion, or other cultural similarities. In the extremely globalized future depicted in the novel, these cultural divisions have largely supplanted the system of nation-states that divides the world today. Cities in The Diamond Age appear divided into sovereign enclaves affiliated or belonging to different phyles within a single metropolis. Most phyles depicted in the novel have a global scope of sovereignty, and maintain segregated enclaves in or near many cities throughout the world."

You might call that prophetic, since that is a bit depictive of what the U.N. has drawn up in their Agenda 21, but perhaps it's merely an idea that has been intended for a much longer amount of time than we think, since Agenda 21 was heavily discussed and officially drafted several years previously. It would appear a work of fiction materialized after an agenda arose, so one could suppose this particular fiction might be a function of intention. I often look up whether an author's idea came before some kind of official documentation of something. It's interesting how often fiction actually comes after fact and barely anyone notices. Another book by the same author titled Cryptonomicon carries in its description "With this extraordinary first volume in what promises to be an epoch-making masterpiece, Neal Stephenson hacks into the secret histories of nations and the private obsessions of men, decrypting with dazzling virtuosity the forces that shaped this century." Really? He published after Agenda 21 was drawn up. It's not that big a leap to carry that into fiction. Actually, he seems a bit obsessed with the same kind of conspiracy around Nazi code that many still do nowadays, but now we know more and it's not that cryptic once you stick a toe into the weird stuff. It's been all around us this whole time, but as long as our minds are trained onto fictionalized television, we continue to believe our lives and even the world are spectacularly mundane.

Interestingly, diamonds are the top commodity in Minecraft, one of the most popular digital games in the world where players learn to co-op and create sustainable lifestyles against a number of challenges. I hint of the cultural crossing over in my article Atlantis.

Anyway, my point comes back around to Stephen King possibly already writing what was put into his mind by others in the first place. The monarch cinched it for me. Whether King wrote the actual predictive programming or not is irreparably smeared for me now. He may not be a genius so much as just another person fast tracked into success by a group using him as a tool. He is well known for being a self confessed blackout writer, which some blame on trauma or alchohol, but is also explainable with programmed alters, like pop stars today are unabashedly revealing. Basically, he was the Lady Gaga of the book world long before 'dark' became mainstream.

But I digress. My food is ready.

no one ever believes me

Chrome has blocked my email, can't even get to the 2-step authentication. Had to go through another browser. Fun.

I'm hearing that April might be a really big deal. Stock up.

I've talked with several people about suicide attempts and recent deaths over the last 7 days. I'm tired.

I need some positivity. Not pollyanna sunshine stuff, but something pertinent.

Some of you are doing some deep digging through Pinky blog and finding very interesting stuff. Scary, huh?

Want some fun? Let's go on the most ridiculous free association jaunt ever and see if any of it makes sense. Check out these things about Dave. The video below is from 1991. This movie was made in 1993. This software from 1996 wanted to make your life better. This embedded system starting from 2012 wants to help you find solutions. This school wants to help you get a job. This app wants to help you with your money. You know, because bitcoin. Maybe. I'm sure that's it. You know, because blockchain. Synchronicity. *mind blown*

human thought congealing onto physical items

click for cool photography

Finally had to throw a pair of my fave jeans away. Pretty sure I've had them at least 8 years, and they're irreplaceable since they stopped making that kind. I used to do extensive online searches, they're just gone. Oh, well. I'll never forget them. But I got another pair of jeans on $5 clearance yesterday just because it's an out of season color, so I'm all good. Shazam.

There's a worldwide convo going on again lately about shadowbanning. A lot of people don't realize this isn't new. They're getting so good at it that we're allowed to use it ourselves now. We can unfollow without unfriending, we can mute without a notification going out about it. We can keep our followers without losing them even though we don't want to see what they say. So we ourselves also shadowban our own friends and families.

So we get to use medias created and hosted by corporations that allow us to use their services for free. If it involves communication, we get some level of free use with certain agreements. We are allowed to communicate with one another. No one questions this, in fact, many think it's their right to use this free service. We have been lead to believe we have the right to use communication services free of charge.

Everything from there is a matter of definition, and pretty much a joke. We hand our words and thoughts over to free hosting services and expect them to 'play fair' and 'be legal' and whatever. Then when those free services start making our usage a little more difficult, we protest. We have to right to use others' properties in the way we see fit. Right?

Someone is making money on you wanting to communicate with their 'free' communication service. How they make that money gets hotly debated over all around the world. How we keep allowing them to use us as part of their branding products to make that money blows my mind. But it's what we've got, and yes, I use devices and platforms myself.

So we're on the brink of the types of communication we're allowed to have being redefined, and a lot of how they'll control it is through shadowbanning. Is that unfair?

I'm not arguing for companies to be able to abuse customers who don't yet realize they are literally part of the product. I'm not saying we should be ok with communication being cut off behind our backs without our knowing it. I'm especially not saying it's ok for our communication to be hacked and monitored, but when all boils down, I'm glad they can be legally ordered to share that in, say, missing persons cases and stuff. Which pretty much means they legally do have to monitor...

I shared a post yesterday about U.S. citizens being able to legally mail children through the postal service for a short time in our past. Can you imagine? But, think about it, snail mail is currently the only private communication you can have with anyone across a distance. Well, I don't know about around the entire world, but you know what I mean. The world just doesn't have the man power to open every envelope, you know? Yet they can easily monitor every word you say on a phone nowadays.

Perhaps it's time to relearn the finer arts of snailing our thoughts around again. Maybe it's time to get back to actually paying for our own communication with a book of stamps. All this free stuff is corrupting us, blinding us to what we believe is our right when we're all being herded into communication corrals and locked up with shadowbanning.

I guess a lot of you don't even remember not having email. You can't imagine living without instant communication. You don't know that it's possible to get the most important things said so privately that no one ever knows but you. Imagine having a machine to type on and there being no record of anything you ever type to come back and bite you. No hard drive, no other owner, no big brother.

Pencils and paper are important. If you are ever stuck in a blackout, on a stalled highway, or somewhere else with tech fail going down all around you, YOU CAN STILL COMMUNICATE. I fondly think of it as someone reading my mind through time.

Spiral notebooks are like security blankets. When all else fails, keep a notebook with you in the car, in your purse or a bag, just keep one around everywhere you go, and you will always be able to communicate. Why am I saying this? Well, I can imagine a scenario where all our phones go dead, where the grid goes down, where we literally cannot access social medias to see what is going on, cannot get a call through to anyone about what is going on, and what we'll be left with is writing down what is going on.

Don't be a slave and think you are helpless when it all goes down. Be ready to own your future. And I'll tell you right now I'm not going to harass you one bit about grammar and spelling and penmanship as long as you can get ideas across. The most important idea in the world could be written in pictographs, and I would be fine with that. Throw in a few maps and depictions of what's going on, write out what's happening, share your feelings, make paper airplanes, be human.

And if nothing bad ever happens, think about keeping some paper and pencils around anyway. They practically keep forever.

remembering my blogwhore roots

My klout score literally nosedived on the 22nd and is now the lowest it's been in ages. I know exactly why, too. I say that like it was huge, basically went from 60 to 58 after months of coasting. It was almost like I found my true negative factor, plugged it in and repelled people, and it all pointed to youtube. My Webmii score reflected that, too, although it's really interesting that the score goes up if my web presence search parameters are international, and then it has nothing to do with klout's final say. But basically, I diverted from my usual entertainment distractions, and I'll be honest, I didn't like myself doing that, either.

I hadn't checked impressions from keywords in awhile. I've been wondering what is the weirdest search parameters my blog has been lumped into, so I'm throwing darts at 141 pages of keyword searches and stopped in my tracks at something in Russian that translates to "riyet duck buy in kiev". Really, guys? Oh, yeah, my about page has a Darkwing Duck motif. But then another Russian search phrase translated to "amazing lightness", so I guess I have seriously breached Google around the globe. I seem to get a lot of Korean search referrals outside of my GWT list, and at least 7 different languages are represented in my top ten all time visitors. Top referring site is google.com, top referring URL is facebook.com. Basically, google pushes me out there, and facebook pulls people inward. I get instant hits from at least 4 different countries within seconds of sharing links to facebook, and another 2-3 countries within 5 minutes of sharing to twitter, depending on how I set up the tweet with hashtags and graphics cards. Internal tags and keywords do that rest. Statcounter says Pinky blog has been visited by 91 countries. I never dreamed this one would pull in traffic at all. I mean, it's not crazy or anything, but it's interesting watching where those hits come from around the world, because it's a difficult and therefore meaningful search.

But apparently more importantly, I come up on Google's 4th page for "allergic to ragweed", which is pretty outstanding, given how vague that is, 5th page for "desperate popstars", which is actually a little scary, and page ONE for "flowers for algernon book", like literally no one else talks about it or something, I dunno. Actually, I come up on page one for nearly 2 1/2 statcounter pages of google search phrases. "blue halloween" is my golden ticket with the most impressions (hundreds), "dr. evil leo" a close second, then "spock handshake", "rick lagina images", and "bird splat". Sorry, Benedict. *crickets* (Bird splat???) (I'm on a top ten google search for BIRD SPLAT.) (Sorry, that's just not sinking in.)


Sometimes I get these weird thoughts, like how I'm trying to fit in a causative universe, and then I wonder how in the world I even got that idea, like what does that even mean when I can't even imagine a noncausative universe. Rhyme and reason, me pushing google around and it pushing back. It wants to rate content, I litter content for it to rate. My existence is measured and found wanting during a fail week, and being human is rewarded with being quickly forgotten in a machinistic inclined society. To step beyond a tree falling in the woods, this brownie literally doesn't exist unless I talk about it somewhere. I'm eating a brownie. Now it can exist.

Probably the singlemost influencing fanvid of my entire blogging life.

hating on my life for a brief moment

You know how you do stuff because someone else pushes you into it, and you go ok because that's the only way you really seem to get to do anything with that person, and then once you get into it they either get busy or lose interest, and then you're doing it by yourself, right. That happens to me over and over and over. My family, my friends, nearly everyone I interact with.

Sometimes I try to turn it around, let's do what I want to do, and they rarely follow me into what I like, or if they do they kinda misinterpret and send me into facepalm fails and I have regrets galore. So I have learned to just stop showing people what I really like. I mean, even on Pinky blog, you guys really don't have a clue what I really really like.

Finding something to enjoy with someone is hard. Finding someone who fills a spot where both just enjoy hanging out is rare and precious. When I see people who understand this, I feel less alone. When I see other people who can't imagine being this lonely, I feel jealous.

Anyway, so I have adapted to something I got pulled into, I remember balking at the start about the goals and how much work it looked like and way too interactive, and now I'm actually doing it and enjoying it immensely, and I'm feeling left behind again.

Trying new things for other people can't be a thing any more. I have spent so many hours of my life adapting to other people's whims or lifestyles. If I were to add up all those hours, counting all my family, we're talking decades of my life.

It's weird reaching a place and suddenly realizing I didn't get to do what *I* want to do with my own life. Much of the rebellion was escape or distraction. Much of the settling was with the idea that eventually I'd be happier with people than without them, or at least less alone. Oddly, the blaring reality is how alone I feel with people around me everywhere. But at least I can say I tried.

I know a lot of people don't get to do what they want, but one of the incongruities was that my dad did, and he's the most alone person I know. He got to do the motorcycles and exotic hunting on horseback, the traveling, the big ranching and farming. He got to dabble in all the little dreams, and he had money tied up in it.

I always dreamed of traveling, but I kept winding up with the wrong people. I always dreamed of having my own place, but again, wound up with the wrong people for that. So many people have directed my life path without even noticing or caring what I even wanted, that if I don't just point blank say it out loud, my own husband doesn't have a clue. And it's not because he's mean. He's just excruciatingly in his own head doing his own thing his own way. So many people are just born like that.

And then I see people once in awhile who actually get to make all their own life choices, and they complain about so many little things in their day that I feel like tearing my hair out. They chose it and it's still not good enough to embrace. Actually getting to choose and execute one's own will on one's own life is so rare.

If I were to say what I'm really thinking I would lose everyone. I have no one to talk to that wouldn't stab me in the back or walk away and never speak to me. Weirdly, I watched someone else go through this same problem recently, and the fallout that created. I know I can't behave like that.

If I could change one thing in my life right now, I'd make myself not allergic to anything so I could eat a great big sandwich and a bunch of guacamole. If any of you out there run into this and you're feeling all glum and stuff, cheer up and go eat a f*ing sandwich, because I can't. Just go do something while you still can and don't whine about it making you fat. Good lord.

💖

temperamental

*Head spins looking at the weekly/monthly charts I made at the beginning of the year. What was I thinking?*

Woke up to thunderstorms, so that nixed downloading the server updates. I have less than 6 hours till I pick Bunny up for an appointment, plus stuff I need to do in town when we go in. I had a rock solid plan to sling rugs and curtains into the wash this morning while I sparkle the kitchen floor back to unicorn status, and nothing in brain or body this morning is remembering that was a plan. The gung ho is gone. >=l After a weekend blitzing puke bedding (thank you, Bunny) and nearly everything else washable in this house at the tail end of 2 very long weeks of back to back viruses heavily laced with Hulked up seasonal allergies (yes, allergies in the winter, who's with me on evergreen trees pollinating?), I just don't feel like caring. Because the fail is happening this morning, I have peeled all the rest down in my brain to nothing else gets done till THAT gets done, and we all know how I dread things piling up, which is why I'm a washaholic, so I'm focusing on imaging how delighted I'll be when the floor really is done vs wandering off to do something else. Like blog...

At least I'm documenting whining about it.

Still coughing. Still surfing on antihistamines around the clock. Came this close to hitting my prednisone backstock yesterday but finally kicked the cough for a bit with extra benadryl. I feel like a dried out pickle. What's grosser than a limp dried out pickle.

Meanwhile. Ok, there is no meanwhile. There is nothing but a downpour outside and my body actually protesting coffee this morning because coffee makes the dried up pickle feeling grosser.

Now it's 5 hours. I was updating new link html elsewhere, not associated with Pinky. Guys, I have met my match. I have found people who literally live in the matrix and work nearly nonstop because they're addicted to it. If I manage to keep up with them, I'll be uber conquering if I can also manage to keep my fleet going.

Oh, yeah, THAT is what the weekly/monthly lists were for. Gotcha.

Doesn't make me want to do the floor, though. I may hafta pounce and wrangle myself into force mopping. It's not pretty, but it works. Ah, just scared the minions, now they're begging for chocolate to make up for it. I know what they're doing, they think that will soothe big bad me back down into distraction, so NO WAY! Ha.

Yes, I am that cruel, I torture my own self.

*getting the chocolate chips*

Meh.

I might've misread that. As soon as I got up to get those, I felt like doing stuff. Nothing like a double agent slick move there. I can't keep up with all that stuff in my head. Whatever.

I've got a floor to clean. A friend of mine in Brazil just charted in English book sales after translation from Portuguese and I'm still sitting here fighting with myself...

Finally hiding in my room

click for omg missing lappy story

I have really been missing Pinky blog.

Let's see if I can bullet point.

• We all lived through the tamiflu. I'm finding it difficult to believe studies showed only 10-17% nausea in clinical trials. We all went down like a bad carnival ride on way too much cotton candy.
• My endocrinologist laughed when my TSH score was identical to last year, which is a good thing. Guess he doesn't see that very often.
• My neurologist was very encouraging about a very discouraging future. Four doctors in my past in particular could learn a lot from him.
• Overall, this year compared to this time last year is markedly improved on several levels, including depression cycles, pain levels, mobility issues, and world conquering, thank you CPAP, gallbladder removal, sticking to fascia shredding massage and chiropractor after physical therapy was over, and a very demanding Bunny challenge akin to a reality show competition series.

I could have kept going, but I'm still spacey and need an aspienado hard shutdown so bad that I'm only functioning on base level right now. I'm still good in a pinch, like emergency/crisis management, but it would all be auto reflex if anything were to really happen. Here you go, have fun with this, especially if you're an X-Files fan. I was one of the very first very few people bringing up The Lone Gunmen abruptly disappearing after that. (:edit: This was my aol group address at the time, aol groups are now gone. http://groups.aol.com/yablostimewarp2)

bizzy

click for tumblr source

Been a little bizzy. That's 4-year-old for 'dizzy'. I'm floating through the badlands of influenza brain.


Don't stay off too long, kids, you might nearly die.

So I'm checking in.


I probably shouldn't be operating heavy machinery and stuff.

Rock on.

dang it, forgot the title again

Sorry, no linkback on that. I'm kinda doing a flashback thingy, and it's out of last year's folder.

I was a mess last year. I'm not a mess this year. So far 2018 is significantly improved on 2017 in my house.

The year before that was pretty good on this day. Well, I was faking that it was. I pulled off a pretty good fake, I think.

The year before that one (3 years ago today, well, the 29th, because I didn't make a post on this day) was probably the most focused.

2014 I was all like STOP stop stop... I've gotta get off here before all my work ethic rambles out into blah blah blah and unknits my brain.


2013 in my private blog. (Six months later I would have 2 grandkids and a huge server move on my hands.)

Oh, yeah, need to get my bills done today too. Actually in a pretty good mood since I got good sleep. Totally betting on everyone involved in the drama dept in my life to start shooting all at once sometime during the day, so it won't be any real surprise if and when it happens. Meeting with Griff, JUST SAY NO.

2012 I was incognito and about to make a disastrous mistake throwing everything I ever did on the internet into the trash. Everything still surviving was in lockdown.

2011 and 2010 are inaccessible at the moment because I slipped up this year and didn't pay my Xanga fees. Actually, I opted to get that genetic cancer testing and have been paying $100/mo out of pocket and had to let a few other things fall out of my longterm plan, hopefully I'll be picking those back up and super crossing my fingers they don't disappear in the meantime. I still have a year left to go on those payments I'm making.

2009 around this time I was working on a survey. It included this question-
What do you want to know about the future?
Am I about done cycling through human lives, because I’m getting really tired of this.  I’m ready to move on to the next planet on the roster. 

2008 was horrible and I was watching the birds fighting over the bird feeder in the snow. The only way I was able to see this was pure accident via fluke. I shouldn't have been able to because the fee expired.

2004-2007 are gone. I had a handful of blogs and nearly all that content is gone now. I was dumb and deleted stuff, alas.

Every year is its own kind of hard. Every kind of hard was really hard while I was in it. I don't think it will ever not be hard. I think over time I have watched myself get better at not taking the universe personally, like letting go of blame and getting really good at rolling with the punches. I feel like I have an emotional six pack. I am in really good psychological shape nowadays. I think a lot of it was realizing over an extended period of time that I can actually be very powerful when I am still, that I can be a force without exerting force, and that I really don't mind so much when life sucks because it means I'm still here.

I'm still here.

Super flashback vid. You're welcome.