I've had a few complaints concerning difficulty reading pinky blog for awhile (years), but I didn't care. I was actually changing the background today and apparently overwrote more than just the wallpaper with one click. My bad. I used to highlight links in my posts in different colors, those are all gone now. Sorry. I can colorize them going forward, not sure if I can fix the past, and I'm not going to worry about it. Anyway, for those of you whining for monochromatic white on black, here you go.
Here, have a pic a friend shared earlier. It's a Ben sammy. 😂 Oh, I kill me. To me it looks like Tom and Ben had a son, but turns out it's two Toms with a Ben in the middle. Whatever. Maybe it'll help us feel better about me torching the fun out of pinky blog.
I had a flirt with ID theft this morning on top of being stalked, if you don't follow me on twitter, too bad, you missed the whole thing, lol. I had one of those stupid weather headaches all weekend and I'm still a little woozy brained, so nothing surprises me today. I can't seem to touch anything without a chain reaction of things going out of control, so I'm kind of not touching anything any more today. I'm also realizing that a double bag of instant coffee in one cup wasn't my brightest idea and I'd better quit only a third of the way down if I want to sleep at all tonight.
I'm currently listening to this guy. I love him. I hinted last month that maybe (woot! I think I fixed the link colors), anyway, there might be some synchronicity to Dave, right. Well, David here, which I did not know when I wrote that silly post last month, actually has a book out on synchronicity. So there you go. This video isn't about that, this goes further back, I think. Anyway, in case you wonder how it's going, I've got David's voice bouncing around my head while I do chores.
I know what books I'll be looking into this next year, thanks to this video, Earliest Examples of the Mandela Effect. That chick's research goes back to 1999 and actually uses some well thought out science, which will be fun. I watched another vid, which lines up with conclusions I've come to myself over the years.
For instance, I discovered that the most interesting thought process follows the question "If I could go back and tell myself anything, what would it be?" I took that question very seriously for years and decided that everything I am doing NOW is the result of this question. Everything I ever wanted to understand about reality and why we are here is all coming to me. I concluded years ago that I am affecting my past, and that a lot of the weird stuff I seem to go through might actually be from me at a later date. I've had far too many coincidences, remote views, dreams that come true, and deja vus in my life to not be meaningful in some way, and I gravitated to synchronicity as I was looking for answers, which I've talked about many times. I've 'always known' who I need to be and what I need to be doing, I just didn't always know how and with what at the time. It's like I had to accumulate experience and knowledge, like you do in gaming, to be able to level up and do bigger things.
Here is one example of that process. For years I questioned faith if people assume praying changes nothing once a certain time has passed. How can an omnipotent god be constrained by something like time? (Especially now that we can visualize stepping outside of time ourselves.) I didn't realize I had the opportunity to test this until I found out later it worked. I was on my way to nursing clinicals at an insanely early hour, and about halfway there I had a sudden urge to pray for my kids to get to school safely. That was not a daily habit back then, and I was very distracted with pain issues, so it felt weird for that to come so strongly into my mind. I took it seriously and focused a few minutes on asking for my kids and I to all arrive home safely that day, and that the day be easy for all of us because it felt like things had been so hard lately. After we were all home hours later, I found out the school bus had just missed being broadsided on a major highway by a big transport truck. The kicker was that happened before I prayed, so where did that big urgent feeling come from? I immediately thought of quantum reality and figured time going forward or backward has no power over anyone I could possibly pray to about affecting reality, and that meant my prayer was still very meaningful and important after the event had passed, particularly because I didn't know about it. I think that the not knowing somehow gives us more power to affect change, and I don't mean that *I* changed anything, but that I inadvertently asked it to change and it did.
The key is the not knowing. The whole point is about going with your gut and focusing on what you want. What do you REALLY want? Give that all your focus for a quiet minute or two. This has become a daily habit for me. I use the form of prayer because I honestly can't not believe in someone being more powerful than me being able to see all this stuff from the outside. Given the new breakthroughs in cosmological thought about simulated universes, this isn't that big a stretch. I think our wording is very misleading, instantly lending to downplaying intent and purpose, but it makes total sense to me that we mimic our bigger universe by creating more digital universes ourselves.
I've turned this process into a shared journey.
clicks to source
And of course I played around. Since every time I do a search for ANYTHING and Benedict Cumberbatch usually pops up in there somewhere (hence #bengruity lol), I thought I'd do a deliberate search for "Benedict Cumberbatch Mandela Effect" to see if anything pops up, especially since he's got one of the largest fandoms in the world possibly mass mind quantum changing everything around us, right. Well, guess what. The only things I could find at all were one person swearing his name had really been Cumberpatch, one person certain he'd played Doctor Who at some point, and one person swearing they'd witnessed him dying in a car accident with a girlfriend that apparently doesn't exist now. You'd think there would be a lot more weirdness around as big a deal as him. Maybe the fandom has locked him into place. Benlocked.
Apologies to the artist, I grabbed a copy of that original piece possibly up to 6 or more weeks ago and I can't seem to source it. However, there's loads of great Doctor Strange art all over the place if you want to see more. Anyhoo, that was my lock screen today.
I normally don't even notice these things, but something different happened today and I thought I'd play around with how significant this coincidence is. I wasn't home, and I'm still app-less, but I got screen shots off my phone. I think you'll be able to see where to find what I found.
Honestly, the sport I get in this is more about synchronicity than anything. You guys don't know I was holding a birthday card to someone at that moment (of the first screen shot at the top) whose user name has 111 in it, and I've always believed that person is the key that opened a very big door for me. This started before I ever learned of the user name, so I found this particular moment holding the birthday card interesting. You can see by the time stamps that I waited until later to investigate, but you have to understand the significance of 313 to a Lexx fan... I didn't realize that part even happened until I started writing this, so my day was rife with synchronicity. And I still haven't even told you what happened earlier.
Some of these overlap a little.
Part of my belief in synchronicity is that our brains talk to us, and they find unique ways to get our attention when it's vital that we remember something. For this to happen, we must be in a 'frame of mind' to 'tune in' to this happening. It's been happening to me all my life, as I've mentioned a few times in blog posts. I don't think the numerology itself is magical, or that other beings necessarily spend this much time on such vague detail around us, but since we'd scare ourselves silly realizing how truly powerful we really are, we prefer to ignore that and make things up. Which is fine. Whatever works, works, right? Call it what you will. Me, I realize that my brain cells are smarter than I am, a super computer that gives me access to multidimensional information, and this soul that I am is capable of using this computer to help make the world around me a better place. (Please note, I'm NOT saying there is no God and that we're not all part of some plan or whatever. I'm saying that sometimes we notice when it's time to pay attention and hopefully make a difference in this world.)
And there I dropped off and stopped reading.
So what happened earlier? Oh, nothing, just got a call from a marketing company that wants to know if I'd like some help selling my book. Out of the blue.
lol, ok, they didn't call because I'm awesome, but evidently my very private number has gained significance since I've enrolled in the author training center, I dunno. It was a very cool call, though, and I looked them up and I'm actually really impressed. I'm glad they called. The funny part was I was rushing through getting ready to race out my door, and I literally got caught taking notes in my bathroom half naked putting deodorant on, and I have chuckled the whole rest of the day. It's really cool being told by a professional marketing team that you've obviously got your act together and already know quite a lot of stuff, and you guys following Pinky everything know I've been working my butt off on this since 2012. The dotcoms are set up, the media pages are ready to roll, and all that's really left, besides actually publishing, is setting up author pages on actual sell sites, like Amazon. I've been kind of wondering over the last year if I should get some kind of PR, and *bing*, here we go.
So... think I can pull this together in about 2 months? I'm thankfully too exhausted to freeze up in panic. I fell asleep during the Walking Dead Sunday, didn't even get 5 minutes into it, and I still haven't caught up on it. I'm sporting a headache this week, back in some pretty intense physical therapy, barely braining (I keep saying that and things seem to keep magically getting done correctly), and hoping I don't have this virus that seems to be taking down Bunny's whole tribe, because it's a doozy. So far I'm just really tired. And the headache. It's kind of a background headache, but I feel like I can't think.
I will say one thing, though. We were catching up on The Flash last night and I missed twitter so bad I nearly teared up. There was so much great crap I know you guys were all slinging out, and I miss that so bad. I'm going to try to FOCUS! and get my phone cleaned off and hopefully get twitter back on my phone by next week.
Watching The Flash crack vids... (click that for the list). Caution for language on this one.
My head doth protest. I quip that it's going soft, to crawl back to the primordial ooze it organized from and weep, and it tells me it needs more coffee first.
lol, click for cute blog
I used to be so tough, springing forth and getting right to work at 3 and 4 a.m. Lately I'm staggering forth, whining, and this in spite of a virtual A+ with the psychiatrist yesterday. Is this what normal feels like? My God, how do you people stand it?
Ok, I mock. It's been a very long month in a very long year. I feel like I've already slammed through 6 months, not 4. Every day I'm still amazed at how quickly I'm cramming things into my head now, miles of tutorials, hours of vids and streams and recordings, even actually reading a book in between all of it, and this on top of keeping up with my house and my errands. This month has truly sucked, and yet I still conquer in so many little ways.
I used to curl up on the couch at a certain time every day. I used to pace out my days in increments just to get a few things done. I used to hang on by my fingernails on a phone tethered to social media, and a few people thought I was already a machine back then.
I'm about to go full machine. I know, I keep saying I'm about to do something, have been saying it for years, and this is really no different, but my days have so drastically changed and I have become so capable that turning my attention to something produces results in one third the time now, or even less. Everything in my head is reorganizing, everything settling into a new rhythm, and I can feel serious flow logistics being tested. It wasn't that long ago that it took all the focus I could muster to produce content, and I did it out of sheer stubbornness.
The keyword yesterday was all the various incarnations of functionality. I have worked very hard to become a functional person, versus a dependent person. I am still dependent in many ways, and always will be. I need help with meeting my financial requirements, for example (for now- I still dream of shooting for some stars). My physical function, however, is nothing short of miraculous (and which I still work very hard for), my emotional function is probably the healthiest it's been in years, my cognitive function continues to improve (which was initially unplanned, and I'll probably always be glitchy, but I'm getting better at managing it), and my social function is at least remaining steady. By the way, both my psychologist and psychiatrist (back to back appointments this week) see my trend away from social media as a healthy one. (The diversion into minecraft is still up in the air.) I set up social media as a platform, it turned into a crutch, I know exactly when it started doing that and why, and I've reset back to my own path. Key phrase- my own path. As in not someone else's.
Speaking of my own path, this is happening. My followers know that I've recently very seriously downsized my twitter by over 1500 accounts, and that I'm not aggressively or even passively looking for more numbers. I understand that many people get asked to 'follow', but deeper waters across the years would reveal that I'm being asked to pledge my influence. I support a variety of fandoms, have even publicly supported a few funding drives, but I cannot support a site that directs actions I disagree with and then quietly solicits funds. I feel so strongly about this that I wrote about it and linked it across several medias, on SyfyDesigns on Facebook on grandfortuna, but I will be gracious enough to give my readers a chance to check it out and follow for themselves if they'd like. Just click this convo snip to reach twitter, and from there you can link to their dotcom in the bio.
I've made note in the past that a few Merlin fans have created the most brilliant and beautiful fansites I've ever seen, and they've inspired me deeply. I could be doing that same thing with Lexx, making a big beautiful site and quietly holding a donation jar just out of sight. I don't solicit fans. I especially don't use all the fan content I can find to promote my own fansite. In the past, when the Lexx fandom was more publicly active, yes, I rescued a site from utterly disappearing with its own blog (but you guys never saw me beg the original owner of the content to take ownership of the blog after all the work I did), showcased fan involvement (most of you never saw the flak I took for highlighting ostracized fans banished for not correctly playing the head games), and worked diligently to create diplomatic relationships with webmasters in other countries during raids and bombing blitzes that had most fans diving for cover. What webmasters of other fandoms may not know about me and my past is that I've already been threatened with lawsuits, already been asked by state police on a convention floor if I'd like to press charges, already heard every conceivable rant and wistful depression about bringing a show back.
Politely asking me to openly follow a fandom initiative hellbent on remolding the world to their wishes runs much deeper than politely just following back. What most of my Pinky readers (barring a few deep lurkers) wouldn't understand is the politically rippling message that would send across the other fandoms I support, and around the world. I am closely followed by several key webmasters in cities around the globe, and there are people who keep me on mobile notification day and night that you know nothing about.
So I sort of politely decline. I'll also add that after all the personal work I've put into my own emotional and social mental health, I'd invite a few other webmasters to do the same. This level of obsession is very unhealthy in my eyes, and to actually get so many people around the world worked up and following commands amounts to cult level leadership. I really don't want to see a bunch of Merlin fans drinking any kool-aid.
In case some of you think I'm being ridiculous, I'll just say back that I know a few private things that you don't about a few fans. It's neat that they collect all the things into internet scrapbooks and have the money or access or support to share real time travel stuff on sets and at airports and it's fun that we get inside snippets from unnamed unfaced people who are really inside and leak stuff out (I've been privy to a few really cool things), but when links go up for donations or a list of directives start rolling out, that's where I draw the line. Not accusing anyone of doing anything illegal, just saying I don't play the head games, and I don't expect fandoms to pay for what they see or get from me, and I especially don't require membership registration for anything I do. Everything I put on the medias is wide open to the public. I don't force lurkers to reveal themselves with forms and account IDs.
I won't go into why I don't monetize again. If you really want to know, here is my 'stat' tagged post list. I've turned down funding support and hosting several times through the years. I have bigger plans.
click for a delightful waste of time
Screeching around a corner into a wildly different topic, have you guys ever wondered where we get this automatic idea from that pandimensional beings either root for us or plot against us? Angels protect us (from what?), devils whisper in our ears (for what purpose?), fates taunt us while destinies call to us, and we oscillate betwixt guilt and glory in our tiny little minds. What in the world started all this?
I'm a Lewis fan, so of course I think The Screwtape Letters are the bomb, and Dr. Weston becoming a shell for that horrible evil thing in Perelandra was about the truly creepiest thing I ever read, but when it all boils down, I have found that the negativity of the dark side, as it were, can be brain-trained out of one's automatic response system. Why does the brain play these tricks? What is it about society that trains the brain to play these tricks? Is this a necessary survival mechanism for maintaining culture in general, and whose bright idea was it to incorporate it into mainstream cognitive programming of our species so many millennia ago? Because if you want to debate that with me sometime, I'd love to point out the all new brain training going in in current media, with Lucifer and the antiChrist and dark angels and whatevs being held up as entertainment icons. Is the general public now being calloused to the old ways through repetitive story bending, or is this a mass brain training at an all new level of doublethink? I see way too many 'Christians' and other spiritually minded people out there slurping up every sloppy splat of blood and angst they can get on the networks, and I'm wondering how empty some of you are to be this thrilled with 'new' ways of thinking. I'm watching the old open minded Star Trek fandoms being dumbed down to devil fans and wondering just who's in charge here.
I don't believe in accidents of fate, but I believe in synchronicity. One could argue this is basically the same thing, but not really. Just as the universe is webbed with dark matter and our brains are webbed with neural pathways, so the human race is webbed like a network around our globe. The pattern is the same, no matter how big or how small. We are all part of each other, and we are all part of the whole thing. It would be one thing if we moved in tandem with our own species, but we don't, we continually disrupt each other with negativity. Some postulate this negativity was introduced by dark forces that beguile and deceive us, some are convinced it's just part of our nature. The dark forces have been explained as everything from fallen angels and demons to aliens who once visited our planet and may still walk among us, and the nature explanations throw babies out with baths unable to take sides on justice and moral principles without begging all kinds of questions.
I won't go over everything I've ever read, which is quite a lot, going back thousands of years, studies from every conceivable angle (including science), and even the new medical philosophies. I'm just asking where it comes from. No one knows. It's still just a guess. Our brains haunt us, and we are trapped in them, an existential horror that no one can grasp enough to say why it's even happening. I personally think it should be impossible to be this aware in a universe where the only thing that happens is cause and effect. The observer thing only confuses us. I think we're still not looking deep enough. Our minds are still too tiny.
So, back to in the moment. What is right and what is wrong in any given moment and what we do with our time here is completely up to us. We can blame it on whatever we want, but in the end I think all our motivations boil down to whether we are selfish or selfless. I've said this before, a long time ago somewhere, that I think all our miseries really do boil down to this- selfish people ruin things, selfless people fix things. Human brains are natural problem solving machines. With good directives, humans do amazing things. With bad programming, humans do despicable things.
So I'm asking who is doing the brain training? Who is programming all this philosophical frappe into our entertainment? Who is breaking down the barriers and remodeling what is good and bad for our amusement? I'm not against it, but I'm a little surprised by the flocks that fall into it so quickly. I'm not seeing a lot of thought being generated about what our entertainment industry is slipping into our belief system cocktails. I'm all for shaking things up, but part of that shaking up needs to contain more than being upset that our favorite character died or that a show got canceled. I'm saying this across the board, not because of the Merlin thing up there. I'm seeing this everywhere, all around me. Are we really so spiritually bereft that we cannot handle dozens of icons almost being force fed to us (think about it- you pay them to let you beg for programming...) and then ripped away? We are practically drowning in heroic characters, or at least stoic ones. The fictional characters we idolize far outnumber the amount of people we know in real life now. We live in a dichotomy, lead double lives. What are we hanging onto, and why? It's ok to question what's in your head.
I've been able to slack off on the benadryl a bit this week, thanks to storms. Here's to hoping tree season is just about over. I'm tired of being pickled on H1 blockers.
Next week I start the hard stuff again, back in physical therapy.
When I say "cryptic" you say "facepalm".
Cryptic
FACEPALM
Cryptic
FACEPALM
This has been stuck in my head since Bunny spent the night this weekend. It really affected me as a child, and I guess you can see where the pinkybluejacky thing started. My mom also called me Elephant's Child. If you know anything about Kipling, you know he wasn't a frivolous writer.
Ok, just weirded myself out. Googled 'pink elephants illuminati' and wound up here, here, then here, and it's wild in that last one that the key number is the age I am now and the time of year mentioned is now and I've already written about my own rabbit dream for my beta readers, and so much more in this is waaaaay too close to so much other stuff, too, lol. But seriously, guys, I actually get off on coincidence, or, as I prefer to see it, synchronicity. (Weirding myself out and freaking myself out are two different things. I'm mocking all of this, ok?) (Mocking doesn't necessarily mean side taking or making a belief statement.) (This is not an invitation to get weird back on me. I'm already worn out from growing up with all this.)
Before I go on, lemme remind us all that I was raised by a prophecy and numerology super freak and wound up studying everything I could find in (and getting a degree in) human behavioral studies, philosophies, developmental religious and political histories, and social psychologies. I know all the weird stuff the brain can do. But I also know very well how easily the brain is manipulated. I'm a big proponent of group think and brain training. I know that sounds bad, but we're already doing it, so I say do it right, with human dignity.
Humans are a unique species because we are so easily imprintable with symbolism, and symbolism easily both represents truth and stands in for truth, even when we know it is false, or true but intentionally construed as false, or even openly both true and false at the same time. We see loads of children's stories throughout the ages that deal with this sort of duality, and how we work through the symbolic pitfalls of life to reveal our own self truths, whatever they may be. Part of this journey usually involves excruciating pain of some kind, either emotional or physical or both, because without the pain the journey can't be made in the first place. This almost sounds like a condonement for abuse, but very certainly not from me, unless it's truly consensual. (You might find this idea interesting- Consent of the Governed.)
Anyway, it's almost like the human brain was designed specifically to be malleable to this sort of symbolic layering. The only real question, in my mind, is who gets to be responsible for the overwhelming fallout of this kind of portent if there really is a reckoning? Otherwise, none of the rest surprises me. So many species are behaviorally pattern-printed, no wonder humans try so hard to fit in. We feel lost without a built-in automated program. Everything we do with or against society must be embraced consciously, and for that we suffer the existentialism of awareness.
Basically what I'm getting around to is the idea that symbols themselves (shapes and patterns) are our genetic printing, and the way they are activated and layered with meaning and importance (representing ideas without having to use any words) is how we behave. The shape of a pyramid exists whether humans do or not. The shapes of circles and 5 or 6 pointed stars and crescent moons exist whether humans use them or not. Angles and dots and measurements and counts and the order they come in have always existed (this is what Plato was trying to say), humans have not. To adopt a symbol and call it good or bad and take it for a unique reference means nothing outside of human behavior. To recognize mathematical expression in our universe is simply that, recognizing that it's all around us. To assign particular meaning to it and fight wars over it belonging to this deity or that is purely human. Either God owns it it all, if there is a god at all, whoever he, she, or it is, or it's just someone using symbols to manipulate societal behaviors. Either way, symbols themselves don't have meaning until they are layered and imprinted as having meaning in the brain. Why would it be so far fetched that humans have already long since figured out how to run societies based on this kind of observational science?
I had a chicken who seemed fascinated by the Mystery of the Six Circles.
OOO
OOO
The first day she ran into them, she stared for an hour, transfixed as though she'd had a vision or revelation that she couldn't figure out, then came back every day to stare again. What I could never explain to her was that the circles were simply where paint cans had sat lined up together on a board, and all we did was lean the board up against the side of the house. It meant nothing. But to that chicken, that was a very special thing, something not in her genetic inventory to help her catalog and process. She never got over it, and was kind of upset when I finally moved it. It held meaning for her. Somehow, somewhere in that tiny little chicken brain, she was stricken with the awe of something so much bigger than her world, and it opened a little door in her mind that allowed a tiny little thought of something that she could never figure out.
Maybe this is what humans look like to something else who is able to step up above the basic symbolism and meaning thing, but for humans, it is how we survive as societies. Every major house or tribe or nation had or still has their own symbol to represent who they were, and identifying with one symbol or another holds deep meaning to each person's self worth in a very challenging world where identifying with the wrong symbol can get you ostracized, or worse, killed. Still, we all know the basics, like what a lightning symbol means. Lightning is very powerful and dangerous. Dancing with lightning bolts as a sort of sash to share and bind a dancing partner to oneself depicted during a hallucinogenic state is very suggestive of torture. Pink is reality distorted (pink is used a LOT in filming to denote very specific props and moods, sometimes associated with evil or as a soft cover over a darker plot), elephants are in charge. The entire song is delightful in my mind, and probably why I latched onto it in my weird childhood. Anyone who's gone through alternate mind states during heavy pain would be able to float right into that song. Anyone else would just blow it off as weird and say it was the alcohol. And then I say Maybe, but were the writers and illustrators drunk, as well?... Something to think about. You know, because this is supposed to be a children's movie. I didn't know what alcohol was, had never seen a drunk person, and my mom gave up attempting to explain that part to me. Why would it even be necessary for a parent to have to explain that? You don't see stuff like that in kid shows nowadays. It's a transitory scene before the big reveal of new behavior, just like what brains really go through under duress. I think it was very well done, much applause. My tiny brain recognized it exactly for what it was. I just didn't have the words back then to discuss it, or the parent capable of seeing what was right in front of her face- a coping mechanism. Can we say brain training?
So scoff if you will, but like the Cheshire cat, the truth is both right there in front of your faces and yet invisible. At any rate, I was an extremely impressionable child and apparently caught all the innuendo and psychological subtext, because I have survived a lifetime of extreme pain and brokenness kind of the same way brainwashed people survive being brainwashed. I see it all around me, it's part of our culture and has been for several generations, and scoffing only shows how powerful it has become if we can now bring it up openly and not believe it. (Remember, my dad was saying ALL this stuff decades before the general public even heard of the rumors, which should have been impossible unless he's either psychic or experienced.)
But if you want to see a then/now comparison, put this pink elephants production next to Lady Gaga's career series and you'll see all the same stuff replicated- the lightning bolt, the split personalities, two different rebirth stories (think about that one), and much more. It's all there. All this symbolism has been part of our culture since our parents and grandparents were tiny tots themselves. Pretty sure it's not random.
Back to real life. Thank goodness I'm starting to feel better, finally. I still have a few good days left this week to look forward to, yay! (Please no jinxing...) I mean, I still can't do much more than whisper, and my eye is still kind of weird, the ear on the same side is itching insanely waaaaay in there, and I'm not sure my brain isn't part pudding or something, but overall, being able to eat again is extremely awesome. The first thing I headed for this morning was tuna. I'm thrilled to be feeling too hot now instead of freezing and can't warm up.
After taking a month off so I could deal with the intensity of physical therapy, I feel terribly behind in everything. I really don't know how true OCD people cope. I'm only on the fringe and the pressure to get my routine back is enormous.
Blogger has announced it will be encrypted by the end of the month, which probably has something to do with what I was talking about Sunday. Everything is supposed to smoothly switch over to https, so hopefully none of my links will screw up. I must have 200,000 links in Pinky blog by now, lol.
I've got a couple of older posts going viral again last few days, and they're not connecting to anything related to bots now, as far as I can tell. Views are 560 and 487, but blogger isn't lumping the new incoming into the overall 'all-time' totals. I mean, that hasn't hurt anything in the all-time top ten list, but aspienado has hit the number 4 spot (already! only been 2 weeks), but there are a couple others that should have shown up higher ranked than aspienado by now that don't even show up on the top ten list, so the blogger widget code for the all-time top ten must be faulty. I can't express how badly I want to get in there and fix all the math... Anyone can write code, but without rigorous usage and feedback, fancy code is just as mediocre as anything you get at a dollar shop. What's the point of novelty socks that shrink in the wash and you can't wear them anyway. I may hafta look around for a better widget and import it. I'll refrain from going into a widgetbox loss weeping spell again. That was the most brilliant thing ever and they went bankrupt. All the really cool stuff gets mowed over.
I've said yes to a book reading challenge. The book on the left just arrived in the mail. We did a trade off, the book I suggested back is really cool, too. Each pic clicks to Amazon if you want to check it out. Note-I'm not signed up to get any compensation for Amazon link sharing. This is a legitimate reading challenge swap.
Couldn't sit through TV tonight because I'm coughing my head off ever since @bonenado walked in, something on his clothes (dust from work? pollen?) set me off really bad despite all the zyrtec and benadryl I'm taking, so we're on our computers and probably calling it quits pretty soon. I've tried several times today to catch up on at least some of all that lost sleep, but not having much luck yet.
Feelin' silly. Need to get away from those pink elephants.
Cracking up at discovering my tag 'symbols' was always spelled wrong. May as well stick with what works. :edit: 11-1-16 Fixed it, lol.
Had a good talk yesterday with someone who's known me a very long time about how something has changed this year. My attitude? My focus? My emotional health? I'm dealing with stuff left and right and aspienado is starting to blow for realz.
So it's not just me. Something's really changing. After all the stuff I've been through, I'm going to point at more brain healing. The brain is nerve central, and I've been living with a nervous system disorder most of my life that complicated into years of nasty, sticky, foggy mess during one illness after another hitting my already compromised nervous system.
This is the year I'm turning the big corner. This is the year I really get my brain back. And I'm going to do everything in my power to keep it that way.
Part of my years-long blogging has included miles of encryptions. No one's ever sure who or what I'm really talking about, even the people closest to me. It's all a big, long tapestry of words scattered across space and time that don't have a lot of impact except to those who've known me well enough to guess. When I go back through some of that, I see what I was doing, but at the time, I was messed up, drifting through a fog so think I could barely see my own hands typing in front of my face (metaphorically). (I think my biggest frustration as a writer is trying to convey visual concepts as metaphors, like an artist would, but through words that are sometimes misunderstood as more literal. I'm a literalist myself, but some of my coolest thoughts have blazed to light through imagery.)
When I write, it kind of looks like I know what I'm doing. Sort of. Can you imagine a painter putting on a blindfold first? Not knowing how the strokes will look all together once the blindfold is off? That's how my blogging has been for me. My memory problems have been so bad that I forget I've written this or that, and when I go back it looks like I knew what I was doing. My blogging over the past year almost looks like a series of planned reveals, but they're not. I fondly call my style 'live blogging', where the reader gets real time real stuff along with me.
And then what you guys don't see is how I put this all back together, by following the trails readers leave through my stats. They seem to go in directions back through old stuff, and I follow to see what they saw, imagining a fresh set of eyes. I'm often surprised at the trails not seeming at all haphazard after the way I've haphazardly patched my blogs together over several months and years.
Faith in the dark is a big thing with me. Some researchers think that synchronicity is a brain thing, some step out and insist it's more. All I know is, accidents, interruptions, and surprises have rarely misled me, and that trying to close myself off from the things that pull me away from my goals tend to make me a lesser person. I keep thinking how glad I am that I got knocked and bounced off my self-scheduled time table over and over. I'm seeing way too much improvement to believe I could have been ready at all before this year and that up till now has been a frustrating waste of my time.
I am my own causal connection, linking my own meaning through time and space, etching "I was here" on the walls of reality, which, in its most basic term, is other people's consciousnesses.
Many years ago I told a guy (a brilliant mathematician, actually) that I don't need to hope for something in my future because it's already there. I just haven't arrived to that spot yet. I believe it is already there. I don't work because I hope, I work because I believe everything I'm doing is taking me there. I work for the joy of work. It's been hard, but since when have I not loved a good challenge? I can't imagine how utterly bored I'd have been if I hadn't had all this junk in my life to figure out like a great big puzzle.
But what is it I'm seeing in my future? I've always seen it. If I live to reach it, I know it will be really cool. But what is cool? For me- that last move before the big checkmate. That last brilliant move that floors the opponent because it was so unexpected. That last dance step with the rapier for the thousandth cut. That last big reveal of an unseen strategy.
I have embraced this all my life. The world is my stage, the pieces have been set, I continue weaving my way in and out, and maybe soon Pinky will
stopbeingredundant.
I know, it's all out there and I'm just saying it again. Sorry, got a little carried away again with the morning discipline thing. I'm ignoring a cold and grappling with a slight time orientation smash since I suddenly dealt with a big load of stuff last couple of weeks.
So let's wildly distract ourselves, shall we? Might be a little naughty. And hard on the eyes, maybe a precaution if you're easily triggered for seizures. Probably NSFW.
