I could blame all of 2017 on Jeff, actually

"I cannot heal heart, soul, mind, and body while I'm focusing on orchestrating a cheering section for execution festivals." -me

I think that is worth restating once in awhile. No reason.

I've received notice from Google that my "Dare" Lexx Sex Survey can no longer be supported on tumblr. There were 3 specific notations, but each of them clicked to details that were extremely vague and nonspecific. I can't tell if my content material has been hacked and redirects outside of my own web empire, but I'm not at all surprised photobucket might be at the heart of it. This wouldn't be the first time that linking from photobucket caused problems. I can't tell if the post was reported or not, and I wasn't asked to remove the content, but the ultimatum is that particular post will no longer be eligible for AMP (Accelerated Mobile Pages)-related features in Google Search. I got ticced 'critical' for invalid stylesheet, invalid layout property found in AMP tag, and prohibited or invalid use of HTML tag. Since I pasted that html directly over from blogger, which is a Google supported format, I'm not understanding what they're pointing out, but from the laborious difficulties I've had with tumblr since I made one, I can only assume that tumblr is the real problem here. And if it was someone reporting content, then I'm really surprised it took so long.

So Bunny is 4 now and there is joy throughout the land. We work on 'homework' sometimes, and she's getting pretty good at doing those cute workbooks you can pick up for pre-K. I've started letting her press the arrow keys to make me move directions in Mo Creatures while I do the steering, but she bumps the 1 a lot when she gets excited and we nearly chopped her bunny in half with my enchanted sword (because it's in first position, if she had pressed 2 it would have been my silver sword for werewolves, 3 my pickaxe, 4 my tree axe, 5 my shovel, 6 my bow and arrows, 7 a block of cobble, 8 a mutton steak, and 9 a torch, but 1 is right by the forward arrow button, egads). I told her be careful so we don't kill the pets, and instantly she was like KILL ALL THE PETS, and I'm all NOOOOOOoooooo... I may have to get her onto singleplayer on a tablet we have around the house. Anyone else know a 4 year old playing minecraft?

I really screwed up my CPAP last night ripping it off in my sleep, so I'm intermittently trying to make up time wearing the mask while I play this morning to make up the 4 hour minimum requirement for insurance. I've got 30 more minutes to go. Night before last, no problem, 6 1/2 hours, so whatever happened last night, no idea. I'm going with 'abducted by Jeff' (People of Earth).

Tomorrow is @bonenado's birthday. I made a birthday pie. I think that's the first time I've ever made an apple pie with confetti sprinkles. Bunny is really big on sprinkles.

I'm in dual mode lately, super bumbly and disconnected on the outside, super focused and humming along quietly on the inside. Still having problems with my feet, and the only way I can handle walking at all is in athletic shoes. The second they're off it's like I have different feet. I discovered yesterday that this complaint goes clear back to March, so that's pre-baclofen and I can't keep blaming the med for me noticing it more, another plus for somewhat daily blogging or journaling, guys. All I know for real is that after Christmas I started asking for med help and it's backfired twice, but underneath it all the nerve problems continue no matter what I do or try. So I'm kinda relaxing and going with ok, we're either in a setback year or defaulting into a new progression, but the important thing is that I'm still functioning on my own and still mostly keeping up with the basics around the house. I even cleaned floors this last weekend and recovered more quickly than expected, so something is still going right. I'm eating salads several times a week, getting more raw veg in my diet kind of thing (I love cauliflower and radishes) and I super avoided all the bad birthday carbs, so I haven't done any crashing through all this stuff. We're all noticing that using my laptop in bed is helping my stress levels a LOT. It keeps my legs up, keeps me resting, and keeps me out of the way while other people do the fretting, lol. I'm able to hopefully keep being a nicer person like this. I'd almost feel weird about all this 'bed rest' except that I've stopped taking naps now with the CPAP, so if I'm not laying down during the days like I used to, what's the difference if I'm sitting in bed working or at least accomplishing tasks on a game server, right?

That is the hayfield across the street from my house. Those weeds along the street are as tall as my head. My allergies this year are horrible. I wonder why... lol. The guy that originally owned that used to keep it all mowed down and it was really beautiful. He got old and finally died, last we heard the lot had sold, and since that lot is empty we assumed a house would be going up. Well, that was a couple years ago and we haven't seen anything since, and the field is neglected. The deer love it. So do the other critters. Big snake year, must be a boom in mice.

So I'm working on the whole big picture now with my psychologist, why Pinky showed up, how 'we' all tied together after blowing apart for so long, pretty much the story of psychological scarring and healing as a person on autism spectrum. It's complicated and full of sad-scary-funny and very soon now I hope it's a real thing on shelves. I've been 'out' as autistic for over ten years now, and out since about 2014 or so about all my internet history.

I had a weird mental picture yesterday of running into a particular person (not from around my area or family) again if I wind up traveling for marketing or something and how that could conceivably blow up into a big deal, and then I started wondering if that guy is still even alive since he was taking over another drug lord's territory in a huge city when he was still only 17 years old, already on the run from another state. I mean, would it be awkward? I used to hang out with him and his girlfriend and watch TV in their apartment. I have a long list of people I wonder about, many of them either off the grid or living double lives or simply just cut off from former families and friends because huge life changes over orientations and stuff. Other people I simply just haven't kept up with but still find on the webs apparently living pretty normal lives. People are people are people.

love today

Played around again, so now this blog is verified as my property through TrustedSite. If I forked out about $30 a month (dreaming), all my stuff could be verified all in one place like that. It's one thing to have separate social media verifications and authentications, but to be able to pull everything I've ever done online into the whole lump would be marvelous. Gravatar (WordPress) and Google+ use their own verification systems, but site verification is still easy to fake unless all your accounts share the same phone number and email address and you've got them all locked into 2-step security. It's not enough any more to be able to log in anywhere by connecting your Facebook account. Anyone can stake your claim behind your back saying they're you, but they can't hook onto your verified linked hub disguised as one of your user accounts once you've locked them down. Ten years ago that was a piece of cake and everyone was doing it. Anyone and their dog can use multiple free email addresses to create a hundred different accounts across medias, forums, blogs, and games. I steer very widely clear of that. I'm done scattering myself like debris across a minefield.

Right now I'm just tired. It's very hot out, and me and heat don't get along. I'm ahead of ragweed season because of the nettles family, so I'm already doing both zyrtec and benadryl round the clock just to keep from ripping my eyelids clear off. That's not why I'm tired, though. I'm one of those people who can get hyper on benadryl. We're also passing around some kind of weird bug that is making us all feel nauseated and wiped out, but not much else going on with symptoms. I was ready to go curl up in bed at 6 p.m. last night.

In the meantime, my punkin patch is up and running full force, over 2000 punkins strong and the growth rate so much better on the new vanilla server than the custom biomes world that is soon to be deleted because the lag got so bad. On the custom server I was able to harvest about 2000 punkins twice a day. Now I'm doing it twice a morning and again in the afternoon AND working on builds and my player shop in between. Ok, and that in between chores, I don't just sit there the whole time. You know me, always popping out of my chair to do something else.

Speaking of, almost back to normal after the baclofen withdrawal thing. I know, it's been what, about 3 weeks since I finally stepped off a 7 week taper? Geez. Anyway, I'm actually doing mild workouts again, and definitely back on the muscle stretches and nerve glosses. This morning is spa therapy. Took me 3 visits to adapt to that from physical therapy, very different, and actually way more rigorous even on low maintenance because it covers more ground in one visit. But I'm loving the entire spine thing laying on one side and then the other, that never happened in 5 years of physical therapy, and I think it's vitally been keeping me on my feet through all that baclofen crap. I seriously wonder if I had a systemic nervous system flare or something because that was incredibly debilitating, to the point of barely being able to walk for several weeks, and that's ON a pill that's supposed to make life easier. I'm way better again without it, just embracing the pain lifestyle again.

And that includes arms, I'm afraid, but I was noticing yesterday that even with the nagging nerve pain and dropsies, I was stronger doing stuff and not having to crash into recovery time. I actually got 2 watermelons into the house without losing my arms and hands the rest of the day, so something's working, and I think it's the spa therapy on my spine. I'm on every other week visits right now, so that's twice a month maintenance. I'm still puny running around town, so glad the local post office got a new auto door in that doesn't rely on faulty buttons any more. Those doors were hella heavy, and I know I don't look disabled, but you try being ejected from a car sometime and living with nerve fail in your arms. Getting through a door is nearly impossible sometimes, and the pain doing it is incredible. I don't cry until I get back into my car, but who can tell with my sunglasses on. I'm just thrilled I'm still able to walk into the post office and check my own box by myself, you know?

Wordy words this morning. It's time for me to get moving into the shower and then out the door.

your shoes don't lie

My fave shows this year so far are Gotham, Killjoys, Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Dark Matter, and The Flash in that order. I'm really burned out on Blindspot, just can't follow Tom beyond The Blacklist (sorry Tom, love ya, pal), and can't even pretend to care about a whole list of shows @bonenado sticks with. I'm loving the new 25th anniversary SyFy logo thing and can't wait for live Comic Con coverage starting tonight and Sharknado 5: Global Swarming in the queue.

Our brains feel rent and the entertainment industry happily fills the rend with a yin & yang that filter into the torn bits. It's pretty much action hero vs the apocalypse. For the less aware there are dance musicals, love dramas, and family sitcoms.

From How to Tell Whether You've Got Angst, Ennui, or Weltschmerz

Weltschmerz, German for “world pain,” was also coined during the Romantic Era and is in many ways the German version of ennui. It describes a world weariness felt from a perceived mismatch between the ideal image of how the world should be with how it really is. In German philosophy it was distinguished from pessimism, the idea that there is more bad than good in the world, because while pessimism was the logical conclusion of cool, rational philosophical pondering, weltschmerz was an emotional response. Though weltschmerz and ennui are pretty close synonyms, ennui foregrounds the listlessness brought on by world weariness (it can also be a term for more simple boredom), and weltschmerz foregrounds the pain or sadness. There is perhaps a greater sense of yearning in weltschmerz (part of the pain is that the sufferer really wants the world to be otherwise). Also, as an English word, weltschmerz is not as common as ennui, so there are fewer connotations about the type of person that comes down with it. Its very German sound (that “schm”!) makes it seem more serious and grim than ennui.

Do you have sadness in your heart for the world that can never be and sensible shoes? You’ve got weltschmerz.

I've been saying for years that we live in a golden age for world entertainment. I don't believe a time will ever come again in human history like the time we live in now. By that I mean human expression is at an all-time freedom, and I don't expect it to last in a politically fragile world. That makes the weltschmerz all the more precious to me in expressions like this.


Lyrics from JpopAsia

*Pandora's glass bottle, Helena's magic mirror
the stars in the sky, the eyes on Earth
no one will ever understand the true meaning (about life)
lost in the enchanted forest, the prince foolishly awakes
the bewitching era, the angelic mood
who shall grab hold of your palm (to lead you to safety)

open your eyes and recognize the confusion in this mortal world
naiveness is but a lie, promises are but regrets
so why not let me kiss your neck (like a vampire)
and take away the blood/life which you do no need within you

# chorus
dear prince, dont be afraid
I shall convey to you satans loving message
the devil has opened one eye, anyway
God has closed one eye, anyway
no one shall want to change this world
dear prince, dont cry anymore
from now on you wont feel lonely
no feeling, no sensation, just enjoy this disillusionment

repeat * #

then you shall have no more hope
then you shall not be hurt anymore
then you shall gain the power
life is but a dark fairytale

Credit:www.chinesemusicblog.com[edit]Last edit by BrokenDoll on Wednesday 23 Dec, 2009 at 12:42 +100%[/edit]

dragons are not shy

One of those bring a sandwich kind of posts.

There is a very big difference between shyness and reticence. I'm not at all shy. I am so obnoxiously forward that I embarrass people. I myself don't embarrass easily because I'm acutely unaware in the first place. (Everyone who knows me in real life is vigorously nodding.)

Reticence is "a lack of willingness or desire to do or accept something" according to Merriam-Webster. If I am reticent about something like joining in a convo or going somewhere with a group, it has a lot more to do with being able to see a long list of disastrous consequences from blown off misunderstandings and me becoming agitated, if not severely pissed (making whatever problems arise much worse since I'm not good at real time feels), and has absolutely nothing to do with anything shyness is automatically connected to. Shyness is about being too aware of peers and an inward difficulty with handling one's own feels about other people's possible feels, maybe even a sort of dread. The only thing I dread is coming to my senses with bloody skin in my mouth. I'll believe I'm simply explaining something and the recipient will feel shredded and never be friends with me again.

Over the last 5 years since I've come back out public, I've been invited to several introvert groups and lumped into the 'shy' thing multiple times, based solely on minimal observations, leaps to conclusions, and shortcut explanations. I know it's difficult for some to understand that jumping to a word like 'shy' as a shortcut for 'extremely reticent about commitment to interaction that I know could turn sour with me as the bad guy' makes me kinda crabby because it automatically denotes a whole slew of behaviorisms not like me at all, but there we go, for lack of better verbiage in a quick way, what the hell, I'm shy. 😠

The truth is that I am a stupid person. Really stupid. And I'm not shy at all about owning this. In fact, I think it's crucial to understanding why I'm NOT shy. My social intelligence quotient (the capability to effectively navigate and negotiate complex social relationships and environments), called an SQ, is so bad that I constantly misinterpret not just social signals, but everything being said in the actual words because typical humans don't use words logically but emotionally. Most people have an inbuilt translator that interprets all the incoming into how one should behave in response. Basically, a bunch of happy bubbly people on a road trip will have gone silent long before they've dropped me off, and I usually won't have a clue why.

As far as I can tell, it begins with me not behaving properly, and they receive the wrong signals from me. If I'm not bubbling along with a bubbly group, they automatically think something is wrong. If I'm being quiet, someone might think I don't like them or I'm not having a good time. If a brave soul tries to interpret FOR ME to the group without having any kind of real clue, I'll become hostile without even realizing it, and I've been told I even scare people, which confused me for years because I've heard this even when I didn't feel angry or raise my voice in any way. I think it's because I can twist blunt truth through emotional guts like a hot knife through butter and completely miss the empathy part while I'm doing it. It usually hits me a few days later and I quietly die in a corner all alone facepalming, because by then it's usually long beyond repair.

This is my point of view on how humans see things. Apologies to the friend I'm using as an example, but it's spot on. A dog can be really cute tilting its head and looking at you funny. Personally, I don't see 'cute' when I look at animals. I grew up with animals and can read them very well. So a person sent me a pic one day of a dog and was all awww, and I was like are you sure the dog is feeling ok? And sure enough, within the hour the dog puked big time. Why I was able to get that from a picture, and a person living with the dog couldn't see it?

If humans can misinterpret a pet, they can certainly misinterpret me. A glance at a person doesn't mean anything unless you really know that person. You cannot tell by looking at someone or by how they're behaving whether they are suffering something inside that you can't see. I worked retail for years, and many people go shopping to relieve stress. You never know when a person is hiding fear of a dental appointment, or sadness and dread about an upcoming funeral, maybe even just lost a baby, and when they snap at you in a check out or return line, you can't assume they are always hateful and mean like that. Well, you can, you can assume all the shallow you want.

Deep down we are all hiding something. When I am surrounded by bubbly people, I don't for one second believe they are happy just because they are bubbly. I don't believe they aren't shy just because they're behaving like they're not. I believe the quickness to judge the outer cover is an automatic defense mechanism that most people don't even realize they are utilizing to justify their own points of view on how they think something in the world around them should be. Many people behave in response to perceived peer pressure, real or imagined, and go along with the bubbly bit because they're supposed to. I don't think most people are even cognizant of this process, stepping into rhythm with others like that. I'm very aware of it because I don't seem to have the wherewithal to get into step in the first place.

I don't pretend well. I don't play 'happy' to an audience very well. I can't keep up the tone, the rhythm, and the banter and still keep up with the convo. That doesn't mean I'm not enjoying the convo. That doesn't mean I'm shy about talking. That only means I have a cognitive disability to juggle all the eggs in a social situation without dropping any. I could care less what someone thinks of this, and it doesn't hurt my feelings at all to be the autie on the fringe, but I cringe when I hear "she's shy". I especially hate when it backfires and full attention turns on me to oh don't be shy we won't hurt you. That has really happened. The irony is how close they come to a tiger claw in the ol' jugular when that happens.

If I quietly sit on the side of a convo, believe me, I am enjoying the people doing the talking. If I weren't, like if I were bored or not interested, I'd be gone really fast. I don't hang in there for chatter I'm not interested in. I actually miss a lot of chatter I *am* interested in because I can't keep up with all that. My incoming pile for 'talking' lasts about an hour, tops. After that, nothing makes sense any more because my real time starts lagging and skipping. When that starts happening, I tend to drop off because it doesn't make sense trying to be polite going drrrdrrr in my brain. That's not a reflection on the people doing the talking at all. That's my brain.

Yes, I do feel like I miss a lot. Yes, sometimes I do wish I could jump in and keep up. Yes, once in awhile I feel a little sorry for myself. But you know what? I have a sweet advantage over a lot of chatty people. I remember what I've audio processed for a very long time. It's like how I can remember something I've seen on twitter years ago and find the timestamp. I said something to someone just this week about such and such, and they'd already forgotten that only 2 days before they'd said such and such, and suddenly it was almost a weird insult coming out of my mouth because they had no context and thought I was being snotty instead of adding to something funny after the fact.

I wouldn't trade that kind of memory for any amount of bubbly happy. I like that I remember the people I listen to, and I like that I can see discomfort behind staying in step with social pressure. The empathy I've learned has come from the outside like this, and sometimes I can tell when someone might need to puke and keeps smiling anyway and no one else ever picks up on it. I may not be able to pretend, and I may not be able to keep up, but I'm human too, and I know there's a lot more underneath words flying over my head and behind cute faces looking at me.

Wild subject change, but one I deal with daily and so I think about this a LOT. Time passes, people forget, I don't feel time passing right, I don't forget...

I'm blocking out a little background chaos at the moment, getting through this in snatches as I can. 2+M views can't be wrong.

use commandeer and cartoony in a title about avoidance behaviors #amwriting

Started yesterday afternoon.

click for good times

Ok, back to real life. The last 6 or so weeks of uber stress feels like it's settling into a wonderful mundane routine again, and I hope I didn't just jinx it because that's usually how the next wild ride starts, with me noting how delicious boredom feels.

Go, click and get lost. I did.

I'm not really bored, far from it, but I'm thankfully not feeling frustrated, which I think was spiked by meds. One thing I talked about with psyche guy this month was how roller coasting through this year's nerve pain meds seemed to break open my depersonalization/dissonance, which I suppose could be a natural side effect, but when a person is already gear switching as a coping method, enhancing it isn't necessarily a good thing. Anyway, I know I've been overstating a lot lately, but soooo glad I'm off the baclofen and the withdrawal is finally over.

Well... Lambie (Doc McStuffins) singing in the background while I write this makes me feel a bit on the crazy side, so I'm trying to ignore it. Settling my brain into the toddler brain pool has its perks, but trying to brain real life with that kind of background going is maddeningly distracting.

I nearly didn't come back from this click.

Bunny is in the other room asking for a cell phone for her birthday. She's going to be 4... Pretty sure she'd be a twitter tycoon in no time.

K, I was gone for half an hour that time. Good luck.

I know, right? Game of Thrones marathon getting the world pumped up for the new season tonight and we're watching tiny tot toons. And my internet keeps browning out, so it's killing game time. Got all the laundry done, though. Oh wait, I hear Toy Story 3. *runs off*

And the internet promptly died. Now it's today.

I may as well accept that I'm probably not going to be on board the live tweet train for awhile, possibly the rest of the year. I tried getting on twitter last night and the GoT onslaught was brutal so I just shut it all off. I remember the year I completely missed the very last season of TNG because life and kids, pre-DVR and even pre-satellite option for 2 channels at once in the same house. Years passed before I ever saw the rest of TNG.

Today is my 6 month equipment check for CPAP, so it's kinda like Christmas. I've gotta get to town so I can pick up all kinds of goodies. I'm being a very good girl and playing the compliance game correctly, so insurance is still paying for everything. I just have to keep my scores 70% or higher. I was doing better with hitting 80s more often but the baclofen withdrawal really threw me. Now I'm having to retrain my sleep again.

Last night's dreams were pure stress about getting the book out. So many people were in my dream, like a huge extended family (but mostly people I had no clue I was even related to), and we were all under a time crunch to get to an airport. I was handed my tickets and told the plan 2 hours before take-off, and I was trying to get a shower and get packed and people milling around this huge house and all my stuff kept getting scattered and one of the really older ones got in a car for a drive with a neighbor but left a note on an acorn (??? I probably follow too many squirrels on twitter), and the last thing I remember was one main guy who kinda looked like Michael Douglas in his younger days kept fussing at me about something, and when he finally laid on the floor blocking a door I needed to get through and all I had was a towel, a camel casually walking up the hall stopped and shat all over him and his nice suit, and I woke up laughing.

I reeeeeally wanna get that book out in the next 6 weeks. I'm hoping to have it organized enough to bypass the editor and go straight to publish, which means hard copy will be available around the world in a week flat, and it'll be up to me to get the big push going while they're available.

I wanna curl up in a bathtub full of coffee and melted chocolate and hide on a minecraft server.

This song has been stuck in my head for 2 days straight.

ixnay on the elfsay imstay

Stuff happened this week.

click for the thread

Wonder if that would happen a lot more if I'd boost this post. I've never boosted a post on Facebook, but I probably will once the book comes out. One of these will click to the twitter link, which already has over 400 impressions in less than 12 hours, the other will click to its new Autisable home.

And I really don't know if that had anything to do with waking up to a Google Alert that Janika Banks has been added to a German white pages listing on Denmark internet.

This is translated.

And I wanted to see if that's a real thing, and sure enough, comes up on page 3 in a Google search for Janika Banks. Brand new out of the bag.

A couple of years ago someone told me they were going to write up my Wikipedia page, and I laughed and said sure, go ahead. No one really has yet, but for some reason I've either been auto-boosted into legitimate search or manually entered by someone on a job or weirdly obsessed. I'm going with auto boost for now. There are so many automated info pages out there I could claim (traity was dumb, I had it for awhile and let it go), but that's way too much work.

Like I told a friend privately a few days ago- "If I don't get my crap done by end of summer, I'm an idiot. My launch platform has never been more visible."

So I get a porn boost right on top of #netneutrality, crack me up, and then I get a major Google Alert on top of my self-stim post. Never in any parallel dimension did I wildly dream of sex selling anything about Janika Banks. Wow.

:edit: Space Cowboy suggests putting pretty girls in vids to sell merch. Pretty sure some of us are in it for the actual music, so here you go.

Also, this is a thing. I have lifetime potential earnings of $33, crack me up. Bet that would change real quick if I could get some of my friends talking with me about Lexx and stuff. Anyway, you can get into this and click around, kinda fun checking out other channels. Very handy.

when fail = leveling up

click for full size vid meme

There is nothing harder on a back than a soft bed. *shaking head* I've gotta stop reading the writing tips on facebook and twitter that mock language use and throw puns around like confetti. Too many one-liners popping into my head this morning. They used to call that writing jingles.

So there's this power clan on the server I hang on that thinks they're all that in a sort of Luna Girl kind of way, which is really funny if you know everything I'm talking about because they're purportedly in military training irl and totes miss that their brilliance is under appreciated on a family friendly server. Big fish in a little pond, as it were. If you don't know Luna Girl, I'm kinda digging PJ Masks because everything they all do is constant fail in the most exaggerated way but it's all super cool because they're just kids, right. I mean, who wouldn't want an unbreakable glowing rock the size of a building containing the ultimate strength medallion inside? Plus other questions, like where do *I* get a Geckomobile, how does anyone in the town even sleep with all that racket going on, and how in the world does Luna (one of the villains) have cooler toys than our heroes but ultimately fails harder than they do? The Night Ninja cracks me up, too, with all his little Ninjalinos. The entire thing was apparently written and animated for super ADHD kids, because Bunny loves it, that series is so her.

I've been thinking about turning my minecraft blog into more of a gossip column kind of site, and I think that's the kind of angle it would take. I'd need to tp around a little more and get screenies of other stuff than my own, and I'm not sure either I or my internet is presently up to it, so not right now. Later, perhaps.

So I'm running into this thing again. FAIL BETTER. That's a thing. It's been around awhile, and now it's got #bencongruity.


Oh, live reporting from twitter.

Question- if  #netneutrality is overcome, will my blog be affected? lol, yes, that's the extent of my interest in the entire frenzy going on. 😆 But think about it- Will Google search become even more strangled? What people don't realize is that 'search' is already changing from ten years ago. You can no longer find all the relevant listings because 1- search engines sift them down for you so it won't be redundant with similar things, 2- the highest ranked are the most hit, which means the best and most important get buried unless you get very specific in your search queries, and 3- search is NOT a catalog system of everything out there any more, it's an algorithm that fetches high traffic content and channels you toward it. Cached items disappear after so long, just like old microfiche medical files. So if you think about it, freedom of info is already being turned into what #netneutrality is afraid will happen. People just aren't paying attention. I have been given opportunities to 'go pro' on Google analytics, which would boost Pinky blog way higher up in searches, but I neither have the money nor care to blow it like that. However, there are many out there already doing this. What #netneutrality is actually fighting is everyone having to pay standard fees to get basic and premium channels, like satellite. You pretty much already do that and you just aren't aware that's what it is. I already pay Microsoft for tech equipment, software bundling, access integration and sync, and accounts. I pay another browser for a list of perks that some people would think is outrageously expensive. I pay a particular blog host to keep me ad free on some blogs. I once added it up, I pay around $1000 a year in fees just to maintain my personal playground on the webs, and a lot more than that in equipment maintenance and addons.

My futuristic dream world is about everyone automatically getting internet and it's all part of a coordinated package already integrated into everything we do. Hey, it's all there in the Jetsons, right? This was all shown to us way back in the 1960s, guys. I have always wanted this. So we go through a few growing pains getting there. When has humanity not angsted over every little bitty change that has swept the globe? Doomsday is around every corner. They're all out to get us. We must fight for our right to party, as it were. Whatever.

I know, everyone thinks I'm a traitor to whatever cause I was born into (a multiplicity of layers that include nationality, cultural region bias, skin color, family religion, local politics, genetic flaws, need I go on), and I freely restate I'm in line for the brain chip. I'm camped out like Vork for principles that make no sense.




Btw, I called a luv struck monkey Zaboo on discord yesterday and no one had a clue. Heathens.

So far I've lost internet only once this morning, a very nice change from yesterday's every 2-3 minutes thing. Maybe I'll get out of bed (yes, my laptop is in bed with me, I'm getting super lazier in the whole pj's to work department) and get some breakfast in me and make a list or something. I haven't made a real list in weeks.

let's go down

click pic for tons of cute emoji food ideas

Power point? Yeah, bcuz stuff.

💦 Ever since I read where a vigorous antibiotic resistant strain of a superbug was found growing in hospital sinks, I've felt very suspicious of my own sinks until I got this bright idea to squirt toilet cleaner down the drains, because that stuff coats and clings and will sit there for ages torturing whatever slime is down there, right? Well, DON'T DO THAT. Not that anything terrible happened, but I felt a twinge later and read instructions and looked up warnings and yeah, don't do that. Especially if you have a chrome sink like me. I love my chrome. It looks like I got something icky on it now around the drain.

🍩 I've taken to hiding my chocolate chips in one of my sock drawers. (Yes, I have 3 drawers for sox.) (Now you wish I'd go take pix.) I'm the one allergic to nuts and peanuts, so I'm very picky about chocolate because 1- if it's candy manufactured in a plant that also manufactures or uses nuts and/or peanuts I'm screwed and 2- if the chocolate ingredient in my food come from a facility that processes cocao beans into chocolate AND also processes nuts (very common) I'm screwed. I have been able to handle Hershey's milk chocolate chips just fine even though I've had reactions in past to Hiland chocolate milk and other chocolate foods, so my chocolate chips are like gold in this house. I live with 3 other people. When someone has a half eaten chocolate bar for impromptu microwave s'mores sitting on the counter for days and casually digs into my bag of chocolate chips while we're talking, it's time to hide the bag. Depending on the store I get them from, I can pay up to and over $3 a bag for those, and I ration them because I'm diabetic. One bag lasts me about a week. So I went to get them out of my sock drawer last night while Bunny was in the tub, and apparently my bedroom is warm enough to melt chocolate. The dresser is up against an outer wall and it's been very hot out, so I guess that's not the greatest place to keep them. I'm not sure where to hide them next. I live in one of those kinds of floor plan homes where there are no hallways and that keeps our heating and cooling bills down, but there's also no privacy at all. My main bedroom opens right onto where the livingroom and kitchen join, so it's very inviting. Parts of it are still inaccessible to Bunny, like way high in my closet, but there really is no place to hide stuff from each other since we're all over 5 feet tall. And I can't be too clever, we've all accidentally taken turns throwing stuff we've hidden away without digging through an old box or sack first, and @bonenado loses stuff all the time and Bunny's mama is always looking everywhere for her keys and phone, so I'm pretty sure chocolate chips would turn up really quickly no matter where I put them. I have bendy restrictions, as well, so I can't just put them way back on a shelf behind a bunch of pans, where they'd be discovered anyway if someone wanted a particular pan. You get the drift.

✅ I think I'm losing the point part of a power point.

📱 I dreamed last night my sibs and I all went with my mom to a big place, and we had all thrown our phones into her purse and I forgot to grab mine before we split up at our destination. I went all the way back to the big building that purse was in, dug around the phones, and grabbed one apparently very similar to mine and ran back to where I was for something really important about to start. Got there and had to wait for a few minutes, so I turned on the phone and discovered it wasn't mine. It took awhile to figure out it was my brother's phone, and I was super surprised it was built like a Johnny Depp fan phone, with a Lily app and many other cool and confusing things. Texting kept turning out half in French, so I gave up and used the screen to write with my finger, which was a bit better but still kept screwing up, and I woke up right after I hit send. That is probably the first phone dream I've had where I was able to use the keypad halfway decently and actually got a message off to someone. Anyway, I'm guessing Johnny Depp stepped in because I was thinking yesterday about my brother's Johnny B Good song aaaaand we lost internet, just like that. Live blogging. Yep, just as I was about to link it, so maybe it's a sign and I won't link it. Sorry. Actually, we lose internet constantly around here and keeping our fingers crossed our carrier goes fiber optic really soon. Living near a state forest is kinda like living 3rd world sometimes, anything radio signal is very blinky and the only way we could get local TV for awhile was through satellite, amusingly. My dad still lives in the stone age, but I'm pretty sure I'd lose the rest of my mind if I couldn't get onto a minecraft server. Speaking of, here's my latest bird flip at the economy. I spent months building up an emerald hoard stash via raking up money pumpkin farming. It's silly but it makes other players moan about being poor and they get even whinier about how hard it is having to work, so I get a few chuckles. Being a power player is fun, and believe me, I'm really mediocre compared to a few others. Anyway, here's the priestly whatever that building is (oh, it's a church) paying homage to the almighty emerald.

pic clicks to Mo Creatures

👕 Welp, may as well go get ready to go while internet is down. Bunny has dental surgery today because that's how they do really young kids now and it's called surgery because they use anesthesia. Beats the trauma of sitting on a kid and forcing them to comply with big scary sometimes painy stuff.

🎈 Sweet, came back and internet is back up. I'm what, 15 days off the baclofen now. I felt it change a couple days ago, like my nervous system snapped back and *boom* lost 2 pounds overnight, probably fluid retention. Food cravings stopped, crap mood swings flattened out, and now all that's left is the pain part but at least I'm not morphing into a slavering werewolf ripping heads off. Likewise, stuff kinda winding down around here after the big funeral, and although there's plenty more on our plates, I think I'm close to seeing my own lawyer about what happens when I make money later on SSI, omg please let that be a thing... Go big or go home. I can't bear the thought of letting all this go and sinking back into the depression with nothing to hang onto.

evil villains don't thrive on feeling good

for @bonenado
clicks to source, and the article is making me laugh after the week he's been through with mother, sisters, daughter, and wife

This is my 11th day sans baclofen. I spent 3 weeks breaking pills down to taper slowly, finally jumped off after 2 days of 1/8th of a pill. Still in withdrawal. My moods are horrible, my nerve pain sucks in ways that are so much worse than before I ever started, and I was on the smallest dose only once a day for less than a month before I started tapering. This is about the nastiest med I've ever been on, heavenly and super addictive, screws diabetes all to hell, rebounds like a super ball on a trampoline, and the mood swings, omg.

I've had difficulty walking ever since I jumped off. I'm finding that happens to other people, too. Yes, you heard me, literally having difficulty using my legs and feet. I don't know how this med isn't outlawed. Anyone making a big deal about opiate or benzo abuse gets a hardy laugh out of me after this one.

This has been fantastic for context, though. Next time I think I'm miserable with nerve pain, I'm going to remember this withdrawal, pull my big girl panties clear up to my chin, and suck it up. I can't even begin to describe what charlie horses between every facet of my whole spine is like. Every joint in my body hurts like I got smashed around in an accident. My neck feels like I've been whiplashed. Whatever sciatica hell I'm in reminds me of the year in college I could barely walk, and I'm wondering if that must've been a med withdrawal, too, and I just never knew it. It's really stupid when a med withdrawal is worse than the condition that is crippling you.

At any rate, most of my crabbing has been spread out so at least I didn't hit you guys every day on Pinky blog. This is my obligatory crab post here since it's been so long since I posted last.

sweet dreaming, rogue blogging

I have all the IPs catalogued in my statcounter. This is one variant.

I have been able to Google Earth zoom to a property with one of the variants. Not saying this is the one. I got a nice screenshot.

I like checking out services. I do this on just about everyone who catches my eye. This next snip clicks to source.

This is not the first timestamp I've been able to corroborate to a real time adjustment update in the regularly scheduled spam hits.

I could post a list of guesses as to agenda, but that's pointless. Just saying real person, real time, massively screwing with my stats.

All-time count, around 17K hits I have proof are from one source.

I don't appreciate this. I've clearly stated it's ruining my fun. I haven't been able to see real view counts in months in my blogger stats. Because it's affected me personally, statcounter, which is already extremely conservative, is showing me that my link sharing is dramatically falling off, and I'm losing my launch platform.

I've talked about stats and view counts and hits and web traffic off and on for years. The numbers can be fun when you learn how to use them to increase your audience. They can also be a big problem when the stat host (in this case, Blogger) fails to handle spam hitting getting around the spam filters. Google Analytics doesn't even see this happening, but it's still 1- not useful in the way I use stats and 2- extra work. Statcounter also doesn't see this happening, but at least I was able to get solid evidence of someone actually doing this. Someone is personally vetting what goes onto the spam hit list. This has been going on for months. M O N T H S.

Analytics has come a long way in ten years, but the toughest part is sifting out how much counting comes in from one person clicking, now that we have proxy hosts and invisible browsing available with most browsers. My best real reader might give me one real hit a day, while a fly-by might ding me 6 or 7 times through browser proxy, social media routing (like Facebook), local service hosting, device ping, etc. It's ridiculous.

I know a lot of you find this very boring and probably think I'm too concerned with it, but there is so much stuff on the webs about this stuff. I'm the only one I know actually live blogging about it with an actual demo.

In the end, don't be fooled by 'big time' bloggers who get a million hits a year. A lot of that isn't real people. I just demo'd that 17K hits are from one source playing a spam game for whatever reason, possibly making some kind of money off my blog with an app thingy posting content to a curator, which means readers are reading MY stuff on another site I didn't make. Am I mad? Nope. Not at all. It's happened before, it'll happen again, in the words of a very wise Time Prophet.

Salut France, comment vas-tu?

In the meantime, I keep dreaming.

the paranoid android

In the PJ Masks narrator voice saying "Night, in the city!": Dawn, in the kitchen!

Everything is quiet. Everyone else is still in bed. Meemaw is tippy toeing and gently opening and closing doors and cupboards, making coffee, getting the stove ready to make breakfast. She thinks tater tots would make a nice side to scrambled eggs mixed with crumbled bacon and topped with cheese, opens the freezer door, leans in to reach to the back for the tater tots, and suddenly the soft quiet is sharply broken with an abrupt D SAYS DUH. D SAYS DUH. EVERY LETTER MAKES A SOUND. D SAYS DUH.

That was almost to the tune of Farmer in the Dell, if you need audio context.

People who invent loud fridge magnet toys for kids- STOP THAT.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A friend of mine let me know some weeks ago that HHGTTG had only been seen in cinema form, not read in novel form. I mentioned that I hated the Marvin incarnations in cinema, which was difficult to explain to someone who missed the books, so here we go, this is why.

If you read this wikipedia entry you will see in the novelization that "Suddenly, he is kidnapped by a squad of Krikkit war robots, who are after his leg, a fragment of the key that will reopen their imprisoned world and restart the genocidal Krikkit War. Thinking that Marvin's intelligence will be an asset, they wire his brain into the interfaces of their intelligent war computer. This is a mistake. The once formidable Krikkit robots find themselves overcome with crippling sorrow and depression, and rather than focusing on their mission of extermination, instead sulk in corners doing quadratic equations. It is also due to Marvin's influence that Zaphod and the others' lives are spared by the Krikkit robots. Marvin is (presumably) rescued by his friends, who bring him back to the Heart of Gold." In fact, Marvin's LEG is a part of the intergalactic Krikkit Wars, and on our earth the game of Cricket is a long forgotten tribute to that war.

The way Marvin shows up in cinema form totally screws this humongously important bit of TRIVIA. So, I loathe watching Marvin in movies. Any true fan creating and recreating that story for film would have gotten that bit right.

Also, from here, "Krikkit also managed to leave other marks besides the destruction of numerous worlds: due to racial memories, the Earth sport of cricket and the pan-dimensional sport of Brockian Ultra-Cricket were based on the Krikkit Wars. Slartibartfast enjoys the game of cricket, but he notes that most sensible citizens of the galaxy find the sport to be in rather bad taste."

My Janika Banks tagline is from this HHGTTG series. I'm a devout Douglas Adams fan, and so much of his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series involves intricately woven historical details around robots that if you really and truly want to understand the foundation of the Pinky Robot concept, you need to go read that series. There are 6 books. Not being paid to link these.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy(1979) Hardcover  Paperback  Kindle
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe(1980) Hardcover  Paperback  Kindle
Life, the Universe and Everything(1982) Hardcover  Paperback  Kindle
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish(1984) Hardcover  Paperback  Kindle
Mostly Harmless(1992) Hardcover  Paperback  Kindle
And Another Thing...(2009) Hardcover  Paperback  Kindle

Anyway, Marvin is a major player throughout the entire series and drastically undercut in film, which sends me into a seething corner in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I love the 2005 movie and all the actors in it, especially the whole Magrathea scene. Just... big fail on Marvin. He's supposed to be more than cute and funny.

You can read up on Krikkit and other planets of interest in HHGTTG here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are all wildly brain scattered this weekend, so I can't keep my focus on anything else in particular. I think this is about as close as it gets to our heads right now. 'Scuze me while we run into town to look for a new tie.

pre-feeling fail with all my phalanges crossed

Decided to put the blogger stat counter back. It's awkward because I don't feel it's accurate for sets of real eyes on kind of thing, but after some thought, whoever out there is doing this little game is actually jacking me into leveling up. I don't approve of this method, like I don't approve of people running to vote sites on cue every hour or day to jack numbers because it's not a true feedback, but what the heck, right? Let bygones be bygones. Besides, I'm not the only one obsessed with the numbers thing.
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Pageviews

I'm not monetized. I have never monetized any of my blogs and probably never will. I don't use the traffic and content game to pull a dime around. Some people are actually able to live off of that, some nickel and dime it getting a few bills paid, some work feverishly on wringing a few pennies out. I don't sweat it. I'm not blogging to milk anyone for profit. I don't push cheering sections or grow my army, although my bounce rate is pretty sweet and I've been told by other website owners that I drive fairly nice traffic. You guys have seen me fuss about piggyback apps and bot swarms and even real people here and there, but mostly all I care about is that my name is everywhere. Janika Banks is a real business name I registered with a local legal office some years ago. I never made a cent off of it, but I wasn't trying to. I just wanted to see how that all works. Well, now I want to see how far I can push that.

Lately I'm a bit frustrated with irl and curve balls and cosmic target gaffes. I know it's time. I can feel it. I have so many interruptions popping up in my way every single day now that all I can do is laugh and proceed with one eye twitching like a madman and the other side of my head stabbing me with the stress headache from a weird mockery of hell. (I love Sartre. I was first exposed to that story in an advanced French class, so I had the added bonus of reading and testing in another language, but the story is delightfully painful.) Where was I? Oh yeah. I believe I've shared this before, but it's still accurate and apropos. I may have reached this point now where all that's left to do is just run like hell and take all the crap if I wanna really get this done.

life in the Bunny lane

You'd laugh if you knew how many pix I had to take before I got a non-blurry one.

Holly caught me and Bunny making cookies live on speaker phone last night and said I need to video share that stuff. Bunny is a continual dialogue and everything happens in high speed, and I'm so used to it that I just go with whatever is happening. We had a big raisin fail, though. That kid used to inhale little boxes of raisins. She's grown up now. Raisins aren't cool and the cookies are ruined and the entire project was dismissed from her mind the second they went into the oven. Papa was like heh heh, more cookies for meeee...

We stayed up till midnight partying with all the top shows. My suffering through PJ Masks, Doc McStuffins, and Little Einsteins has grown exponentially with the back button now. Every time a scene makes her giggle (usually Stuffy, I agree he's a riot), she yells "Go back again!" and we see the same slap stick or funny word combo 10 times in a row, and she cracks up every single time. One of the biggies in Doc is when Stuffy is doing bubble beard in the ep where they first find out Grandma McStuffins has been visiting a special toy world all this time. Another one is when a ballerina doll is teaching the other toys ballet moves and chants "One, two, three, don't step on me." Sadly, I've gotten to know these shows as well as my current faves on Syfy, and reference PJ Masks in real life all the time now. Bunny wants to be Cat Boy, I wanna be Gecko, so that leaves Owlette for Papa. He didn't protest at all because Owlette is just that cool.

Bunny is pure Calvin and Hobbes. She switches tracks, drops everything (literally), and leaves puffs of dust in instant zooms a hundred times a day. She knows exactly who she is and what she wants, and she's open to razor sharp negotiations, so watch yourself or get scalped by her brilliance. My goal today is get my brain put in before she gets up and hopefully have my body ready for meemaw level competence. She is very sweet about me being unbendy and not able to zoom around the house and up and down the stairs like she does and solemnly promises me every time she gets on her scooter that she won't run over my toes (again). It's still up to me to move them as quickly as I can if I see her coming.

I think I'm more awake now. I think I'm ready to do this. Bacon is nearly done and she's not even up yet, so I might even get a peaceful breakfast. Sweet.

Won't be long till I get her started in moc singleplayer. I'm looking forward to that. She turns 4 in a few weeks, and already spelling a few things, plus we've named several of my pets on the server after her.

p.s. That turtle crapped like a duck and was evicted fairly quickly. If you've never been slimed while holding a duck, you have no idea.

I'm partial to Vork because he thinks like me, and Clara reminds me of some of the Snarkalecs and cracks me up. A deep dive into a binge rewatch of The Guild web series has pretty much gotten me through this last week.