ixnay on the elfsay imstay

Stuff happened this week.

click for the thread

Wonder if that would happen a lot more if I'd boost this post. I've never boosted a post on Facebook, but I probably will once the book comes out. One of these will click to the twitter link, which already has over 400 impressions in less than 12 hours, the other will click to its new Autisable home.

And I really don't know if that had anything to do with waking up to a Google Alert that Janika Banks has been added to a German white pages listing on Denmark internet.

This is translated.

And I wanted to see if that's a real thing, and sure enough, comes up on page 3 in a Google search for Janika Banks. Brand new out of the bag.

A couple of years ago someone told me they were going to write up my Wikipedia page, and I laughed and said sure, go ahead. No one really has yet, but for some reason I've either been auto-boosted into legitimate search or manually entered by someone on a job or weirdly obsessed. I'm going with auto boost for now. There are so many automated info pages out there I could claim (traity was dumb, I had it for awhile and let it go), but that's way too much work.

Like I told a friend privately a few days ago- "If I don't get my crap done by end of summer, I'm an idiot. My launch platform has never been more visible."

So I get a porn boost right on top of #netneutrality, crack me up, and then I get a major Google Alert on top of my self-stim post. Never in any parallel dimension did I wildly dream of sex selling anything about Janika Banks. Wow.

:edit: Space Cowboy suggests putting pretty girls in vids to sell merch. Pretty sure some of us are in it for the actual music, so here you go.

Also, this is a thing. I have lifetime potential earnings of $33, crack me up. Bet that would change real quick if I could get some of my friends talking with me about Lexx and stuff. Anyway, you can get into this and click around, kinda fun checking out other channels. Very handy.

Ben booty google alerts are probably a thing

The roof thing update. Got 7" of rain at my house overnight, like Loki thought it would be funny to dump a lake over us all at once. Was loud. I mean the rain. If Thor was around, it was hard to tell.

click for funny Thor-Loki memes

So @bonenado spent several hours next door getting some flooding under control and came home as wet as if he'd jumped into a pool but it was all sweat. I make him strip off at the washer when he comes in like that and then quietly follow him around with the camera, but he's always moving and all the pix turn out blurry because I'm trying to be stealthy. You know that vid I posted the other day where suddenly your eyeballs are gouged out to the Booty Song? Ever since I ran into that vid, that song pops into my mind when @bonenado walks around naked, and I about die laughing trying to get pix again and give myself away. But I got one today. I finally got a capture that isn't a blur and is sans underwear. After 22 YEARS. Niiiiiiice.

I told him I wouldn't post it. You'll just hafta go look at naked Ben again. Pretty much the same thing. @bonenado has a fantastic physique for a guy his age because he works so hard. If I were married to a celebrity I'd have so much fun sneaking pix onto twitter and watching fans go nuts.

And the fun continues with a Google alert. These are normally pretty meaningless, and I ignore them, but this one seems to have me tangled up with other Janikas and I don't do torrents, plus part of search return is in Hungarian.

The other me on twitter is a software developer from Estonia who knows java and helped create a Google app.

I decided to click on the big blue name and immediately got a download, this clicks out to bigger, barely caught that snip it was so fast.

And after that, this page opened up. I scrolled down and clicked "Webmasters" on the bottom left and got this. I took a minute glancing around, to me it looks like a get rich quick scheme someone threw together, and somehow my personal platform got pulled into the search parameter. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm piggy backed somewhere (Brazil? haha), I see oddball referral links all the time in stats that I'm probably not supposed to be aware of, like the chicken videos I talked about. Mostly, Google alerts is just another fun gizmo I can tinker with when I'm bored, but now I'm hoping I'm not being associated with some kind of spam racket.

Five Creative Uses for Google Alerts

Understanding Google Alerts and 7 Interesting Ways to Use It

How to Use Google Alerts

USER EXPERIENCE: WEIRD GOOGLE ALERTS

Every baby needs this

Ok, ok, here's the Ben booty vid again, geez. I could hear some of you whining about not linking it up there. Note- NOT @bonenado's booty, but totally imagine me dying over here. Reminder for caution on nudity and language, blahblah... I know it's Friday, but NSFW.

I am the first person on the webs to use the phrase 'scifi mirepoix'

Ah, that silly internet. I finally go check my email and wind up wondering what in the world could have possibly connected that page to my last year's Shorty Award nomination enough to get a google alert about it. It's a cute table, click this snip and go check it out. No, I'm not getting one. And no, it's not time for shorty awards for bloggers yet. I think there is an artificial intelligence behind this whole twilighty zone thing and it is taunting me. Or it could be the virus. I never did get a fever yet.

Been a slow day, never did go defcon 1 but I was wobbly and queasy enough to go back to bed most of the day. I tried getting up a couple of times because the dreams were too weird, finally wobbled up around 3 and started bumping into things around my kitchen and on the interwebs, and about the time I started feeling guilty for wasting a day NOT WORKING (seriously, I admonished myself and then argued back that I don't have to feel guilty for one little sick day, and look at me, here I am knitting my brain back into one piece anyway), I noticed Gary Graham still hasn't got his blog linked on his dotcom, so now I don't feel like such a slacker.

Dear Sumall- I already beta tested the new configuration stuff last year and I'm too swamped to keep up with learning more new stuffs. Thanx for offering me some more cool free services, but I'm up to my eyeballs in cool free services, so I'm gonna say no this time. I wish you all the best, and maybe I'll use you guys for some real stuff later on if I ever get this book done. Hugs and kisses.

I shouldn't have checked my email while I'm sick, felt like getting lost in the forest or something. I still have nightmares about missing college classes and being late to work at Sonic and that was two decades ago, my stress level over making and losing lists of accounts that have yearly fees can't go higher than it already is. I really need to get my mind off, sick days are horrible for sudden realizations that I've lost another list and need to make another new one. o-m-g In my head I'm staggering around wringing my hands, I can't even imagine being calm and sane right now. Fortunately I'm still way too queasy to jump up and start plowing through drawers and piles of papers. How much money is enough to get an assistant? I'm sure I'd have to offer benefits. No wonder chicken ladies go crazy and move into hen houses. Maybe I should've stayed in bed. In another 20 years I'll have nightmares about moving blogs and writing books and suddenly remembering fees are due on accounts I forgot I had. That's actually kind of cracking me up. My head gets extra weird when I have a virus. *oh*mygod do NOT put 'weird head virus' into a search. Just don't. (Well, it is kinda funny that Weird Al wound up in there...) Here, have something much more innocuous.

I'm just gonna say it- Kevin Sorbo has connected with me and Holly on LinkedIn. I'm pretty sure a couple of my connections started with me being a huge fan of my favorite scifi mirepoix of outspoken Hollywood conservatives (Ambassador Soval, Jayne Cobb, and Dylan Hunt), but who knows. It might be as random as that google alert sending me to buy an accent table or Kevin Smith hooking up on myspace. I don't question these things, I just believe in the interconnectedness of all things, like Dirk Gently. I can't believe I still haven't puked yet, maybe I'll get through this without having to. I don't know why I'm still typing.


:edit: 11-12-14
In the event of a real defcon emergency, here is where you check the internet for defcon level. Need more info? Going DEFCON 6: Not What You Think It Means. Here is the DEFCON Reference Chart. I hope y'all understood I was talking about puking. Don't quote me that we're under nuclear attack.