|I couldn't settle on one. I love them all. Click to get lost in snake memes.|
Started this yesterday.
I finally ran into the Pinky Guerrero porn stuff. In Google search, the name Pinky Guerrero lists that particular site at the bottom of the 4th page. You'd think it would rank higher, but the 10 seconds I saw looks so mediocre that I nearly laughed. Page 1 is me and other Pinky alternating all the way down the page. She ranked very top spot, which is reasonable since a career is on the line, and I applaud that. I'd almost feel guilty enough to let my own Pinky stuff go except that then she'd be all alone with the Pinky porn stuff and no one stopping it from infiltrating her own ranking, probably landing it on page 2. What really cracks me up is a convo between me and @Vodstok ranking higher than the Pinky porn. I'm uber failing to tweet very well this spring, and that 3 1/2 year old convo still ranks higher than porn.
THAT cheered me up. I'm not exactly in a funk, just really tired, I think.
So yeah, I made a syllabus for the summer since I'm all spoonie jetsetter and doing the fail thing a little too regularly. You know, forget to wash a load of clothes after I specifically say I'm going to and then articles of clothing that we need are NOT cooperatively happy to make our worlds brighter, and my brain hammers me the rest of the day with YOU HAD ONE JOB. Entire days just fall right out of my brain. I'm not sure how Tuesday was suddenly Friday (but not Sunday?) even though I distinctly remember Wednesday and Thursday but they feel like last week, and really? Tomorrow is Saturday? Are you sure it's not Sunday?
I worked very hard for inch by inch progress over 5 years of physical therapy, and 2017 is this big backslide positioning itself at the top of a gravelly mountain and I can feel myself starting to slip. I got my arms back, and guess what, I'm losing arms again. I controlled that nasty sciatica flare and guess what, it's back. I regained so much freedom from neck pain and guess what, I can barely tolerate laying down again and I'm still exhausted enough to zonk right through 4 straight hours without an eyeblink (and no pills to help me do that). So I thought awhile and put all my skills and tools to work- assessed all the things, wrote out a care plan (I'm trained to assess and write out care plans, a nice thing to remember when I'm not too busy playing minecraft), and then wrote out a daily plan around that, basically segmentalized (blogger doesn't believe that's a real word) time slots for things that need to get done. These time slots include-
- at the very top of the priority list, an hour of purposeful DOWN TIME with elevated feet, complete relaxation techniques, and lower core maintenance
- an hour of basic chores around the house
- an hour of mild activity not related to work of any kind, like walking, stretching, core work, nerve glossing
- an hour of TV (I usually never watch TV during the day, so that pulls me away from the computer, which is notorious for spinal problems)
- an hour of media presence maintenance, includes accounts and dotcoms maintenance
- an hour of random organizing apart from chores, including money and calendar sync and spaceship space reallocation (clearing counters and drawers, etc), playlist rescues
That is 6 hours. That makes room for appointments and shopping if I have a day in town, a nap if I need one, handling extra stuff like a phone call, other unplanned things.
Right, you noticed minecraft isn't on the syllabus. 😋 I'm minimizing time on. I didn't realize until I discovered I could insert a stat bar into my blog header that I'm over 800 hours into the Mo Creatures server since it came back up at the beginning of the year. I think that counts afk time, and I do get up quite a bit while the launcher is still going, but it still looks pretty bad. It works out to over a solid month of game time, or if it were divided into 40 hour work weeks, that would be 20 weeks of logging in to work, or 5 months of work. I'm basically spending 40 hours a week logged into a game to keep me sane in between doubling my work and stress load this year. Once I realized that was happening, I automatically started putting time back into actual WORK. Well, you know what I mean. I don't get paid, but I pretend it's time investment toward a wealthy future. I can dream. Dreams are more fun when they're possible.
The really fun part of this dream is that if I can pull off what I hope I can, I've always wanted to buy into a Sonic franchise because I think it would be hella cool to say I own a Sonic. I've had the area picked out for years, and if it got approved I would be considered a major business developer in my area. I checked into requirement specs years ago, standard (when I last checked) is $1M in cash or collateral. I know it's possible to make that if I keep after what I'm building, but things are hard and I feel like I took a few gap months while I handled my brain playing trampoline.
I miss my old routine, but even before all the big changes this spring, I knew I was getting way too comfortable in my rut and becoming nonproductive. I may not be able to handle a lot of stuff, but I can still be productive every day. A bunch of little things over time adds up to a great big thing that can look pretty amazing. Learning to channel this into a process made me feel strong, and letting that slip back away is making me feel very crabby.
So focus is back on recovery and maintenance now that the med problems and pain control have finally been properly taken care of, and with maintenance comes the work again. I love working. I need to work. I dreadfully miss evening television and live tweeting, but I manage to catch up in between minutes here and there, and I'm still here, lurking around.
Now it's today.
Ok, got interrupted, lol. Bunny is my favorite whirlwind. Anyway, was about to say it's time for #Snarkstock2017 and I'd be lurking through the feed, but my evening was immediately capsized and then I realized I was fatigued enough to go to bed early and really SLEEP and maybe I'd better take advantage of that.
One of the requirements medicare has for equipment rental is keeping my sleep score at least 70% every night, and I very rarely slip down to something like 69%, so I'm winning the CPAP game, especially since 7 nights out of 14 are usually over 80% and at least 3 of those in a 2 week time span are over 90%. I haven't slept this much in YEARS. *I like it.* I still can't imagine sleeping 8-10 hours a day like some of you insist is mandatory or your day sux, but the whole 4-6 hours on CPAP and sometimes another 2 hours after that sans mask is changing my universe into something a bit more congenial. That does NOT mean I'm easier to talk to or my mood swings have lessened. Those are their own challenges, tied to the horrors of existence on a cellular level, but at least sleeping more cuts down on my awareness of that.
Anyway, focusing back on the plan stuff, my original thesis during my Resource Planning degree was very ambitious. My family moved to the Ozarks when I was a teenager, and I've spent years next to Branson and fondly call it my back yard. This is a big tourism area, and my kids grew up working 'on park' (theme parks) and the kind of high traffic retail that comes with tourism. I remarried into a family that migrated from up north, so when I traveled north with Scott and saw Mall of America, THAT became my thesis goal, to write up a proposal for a second Mall of American in the Ozarks (which would have been a huge load of work, possibly leading to a lucrative career), so I obviously think big. I can't help it, I've always been like this. I should be on a star ship mapping galaxies. So it's not really a stretch for me to think it's possible to own a Sonic. It's not a stretch to hope I'll one day be able to travel a bit, fly across the pond, as they say. The hardest part is believing I can do this (whether it comes to pass or not) and continuing to work toward it, even though it's grueling and taking some time. I'd rather work toward something than sit back and let it go, bury myself in something and no one misses me when I'm gone because I was a whiny soul about how life is hard and pain sux and my lot in life is to suffer. That attitude can go blow.
My father-in-law next door is on hospice, very literally on last watch, and he got up this week, made it outside, and tried to kill a big snake. When I'm at death's door, I want to be just like that. I want to get up, haul myself out into danger, and kill the crap out of something scary.
Working on something, this is my fave mood music for a few things. I don't really share what's closest to the vest, but it's a long time coming and I've been hinting for awhile.