narratives

I don't take naps, she thought bitterly.
I don't take naps, she thought sadly.
I don't take naps, she thought triumphantly.

Many of us have said it would be cool to have theme music following our lives around. I've always had a sort of book narrative in my mind since I started reading in the second grade. Nearly everything I do comes back around as a descriptive narrative while I'm doing it, and it's so automatic that I've learned to mostly ignore it. It's like part of my brain is devoted to transcription, and is part of the real time lag processing I go through. I don't think it matters whether it helps or hinders, but it certainly gives me insight sometimes.

My #napclub events slowly dwindled starting on April 1st, and since three weeks ago today have completely stopped. I don't dare. I need to be awake by a certain time every afternoon, and even if I had the time, I know from the past that stumbling out of the house into traffic to pick up a child in not quite awake mode isn't good. The word harrowing has sprung to mind a few times, in fact.

My narrative this morning is coming from a long night of disruption, thank you mandatory blood pressure med switch, whoever's fault that is. I still think it's a strong arm demonstration between big pharma and medical and insurance contracting. No idea who's in charge, but someone wants a nationwide sweep off an old med. I've been through this before. Sooner or later it all settles back into place, but sometimes not before a number of people across the nation are roughly affected. These things don't make the news.

I see it as a wake up call. Shake it up, get that rut cleaned out! We may not like it, but it forces us to think and adapt. Adapt or die, they say. I doubt that's the actual intent, but it's a reality for many of us on long-term meds.

Anyway, as I was folding clothes out of the dryer this morning politely not listening to my narrative roll out, I realized what I'm hearing from my brain is YOU CAN DO THIS. And I can choose how I go forward. I'm too lazy to be bitter, too bored with myself to be sad, so what the heck, triumph. I'll take it.

This is the longest stretch I've gone in years without #napclub when I need it. This is me not only surviving, but thriving, and even running to keep up.

I don't take naps, she thought laughingly.