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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Saturday, January 23, 2016

Jawn

Waking up around 1:30 a.m., stumbling around trying not to make noise, laughing when I run into a Ukraine bot giving me a sweet hit burst, suppressing the insane compulsion to cough after I laugh... Yes, I love you guys too, but that was a pretty big glitch, time to block me a bot. They've got a hidden drop down menu that shows up on hover after you get there, but no direct link.


I really don't mind the daily handful, but when it explodes like that, yeah, it's a problem. Why? Well, according to this site- Evil Spam Bot Ruins Analytics

"Seamalt is an Ukranian SEO company with an obnoxious search bot, pinging sites, blowing up analytics and ruining your analytics data to try to drum up customers. It’s spammy, it’s gross, it targets WordPress sites and I want it out of my numbers. You should too. If you want to get rid of Seamalt you have several options. I will be doing this for all of my current and future clients."

Except the company name is spelled wrong, leave that first 'a' out. Stuff like that is pretty crucial in a search bar. #rolleyes If we're going to be professional and whine about our bounce rates, let's at least spell the enemy right.


That's right, I talk to my bots. Bots have feelings too, you know. I'm probably the only live blogger you know who talks to their bots.

So this guy walked in the door yesterday.


His name is Jawn Khanlock Vengeance, so if you see me talking about Jawn, it's new lappy. Old lappy is still old lappy, never named it. My upgraded Windows 10 level Kaspersky is already fussing around pointing out probs, and I'm like Hey, you need to get a grip, this is life on a router, k? I'm sure it'll take a few days to settle, get the new furniture in, fill up the closets and stuff. In the meantime, still blogging on old lappy because I keep hitting something on Jawn that blows the screen into a thousand percent zoom, and I need to see more than a few words at a time while I'm writing.

Back to the mundane. Mostly just the cough finally starting to calm down. World War II has turned into transport vehicles zooming around with piles of mucous, plowing the roads back out, reporting in to toxic material relocation sites, lotta sticky dead germy thing going on in there, lotta little walkie talkies organizing little work crews with several million little transport trucks. They've all got standard issue uniform and cute tiny little sunglasses and caps.

You know, I always kept a backup bottle of eye drops for years. YEARS. Until I opened the new bottle last week. Was actually in Walmart on Wednesday walking right by them thinking I should grab a backup, and I'm all nah, what could possibly happen?

Part of the nerve fail thing ages ago is continuing uber severe dry eye probs. Under no circumstances can you EVER touch the tip to any surface, even your own eyeball, and it's dang hard not dropping a tiny bottle with carpal tunnel in the middle of the night when your lizard eye is so bad it feels like solid sandstone. I've been through the big deal, the tip touched thing, and yes, you really do get a fun little eye infection that way.

So two days ago I'm stumbling around in the dark out of bed, hacking out lungs and my nostrils on absolute fire, and I grab that bottle and have squirted both nostrils before I even realize that's not the saline mist... O_O oh. my. god. I shove a sterile bottle up the germiest part of my body, there is no way I'm saving it for my eyes now, unless I don't think I'm having enough fun yet and want a delightful week of pink eye on top of it all. This is my week, guys.

Cue some motivational 3 a.m. brain training jam before I go back to bed.

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