Killed a spider as big as me yesterday. That's right, the first thing I do on Jawn is go all victorious. Ok, it was in creative mode so I had no fear of death, ergo no anxiety spiking me into major freak outs. Sooner or later, though, I'll hafta face the spiders for real. And the zombies.
I told you guys I'd be better for you with her. After all my years of real life RPG in oddizm, she was the social plugin that interfaced me, and I'm no longer stuck in the portal between two timezones. I'm plugged back in and my soul sings.
My first intro to being unstuck was Babylon 5 in Babylon Squared (Babylon 5).
The theme continued in The Unstuck Man (Sliders) wikia, Earth Prime
These were big deals to me because I'd never told anyone I feel 'unstuck' sometimes, or very very stuck. I finally saw Girl, Interrupted a few years later and realized my jumpy memories had something to do with emotional shutdown. (wikipedia movie info)
Consequences of Emotionally Shutting Down in a Relationship
by Giovanna Capozza
"the purpose of a relationship is to grow us up and out of our stuck places, to help us heal the parts of ourselves that get triggered by the other and return to love, always back to a place where each of us is innocent. Places of insecurities, lack of love, trust or feeling respected, loss of control, fears, and of course the parts of our masculine and feminine energy that need healing. When we each take responsibility for our own triggers and “baggage” then we can keep an open dialogue. Then we don’t need to shut down. Sometimes what is required is that you speak openly and give the other person space to heal, but shutting someone you love out is not the answer. What we’re doing here is actually keeping ourselves from experiencing love, the punishment here is directed back to ourselves not the other. If we continually take this direction we risk repeating or attracting the same things over and over again in a partner until we learn what the trigger is showing us about ourselves."
It took me decades to get through, and one person was the key. Because one person was honest with me, patient with me, and dear to me, I am arriving out of a dark place into a wonderful place I dreamed could exist but daren't to ever hope for. I wrote lengthy essays proving happiness wasn't 'real' because it was just a concept that had been adapted to capture mass illusion. I'm thrilled to retract that and say I was so wrong.
I'm in the next part now, learning to pass that along. It's hard. I wasn't born to be a sweet, kind, easy person, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. After I stick a claw in an eyeball nowadays, I hand it back instead of eating it. Progress.
Ok, one more.
:edit: 4-22-17 The clue behind this last vid is hidden in this survey.
