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So far I'm loving Windows 10. It's like the hoitier toitier side of an amalgam hinting at what you wish whatever browser you use could be. It's what facebook wants to be when it grows up but can't seem to clean up its room in time for dinner. That's right, I just called facebook a bratty high schooler.
And then last night I synced my chrome on Windows 10. A hush fell over our house as an entire mountain of data organization in a closed sleeping senile lappy magically showed up in Jawn in a single eyeblink, and within seconds the pin it button on my taskbar even showed up. I didn't have to reload a pin it button.
This is what I've been talking about, the kind of world sync that makes everything easy. The big guys working together harmoniously to give us all smoother interface without jumping through a mllion hoops. Between MS login and Google login, I'm feeling all the luv and oh so thrilled Jawn came into my life.
By the way, I did NOT upgrade to Windows 10 on previously owned tech. I waited until I got new tech that already came with Windows 10. I've been hearing a few cries in the night over the upgrade thingy. I'm sure Microsoft is still ironing out bugs.
Some of you guys know when I came back out I talked about flying blind, learning ropes, finding my voice and stuff. I have trepidations sometimes, usually as a result of painting myself into my own corners, and then wind up in logic loops on how to go forward. I keep saying I need staff, I need a handler, I need feedback. Most of you really don't have a clue what I'm talking about, and that's ok. I'm mostly just flapping my fingers out loud sifting things out of my head so I can see directions I need to go.
I have gotten some very good advice from two different people this month.
1- Let it go.
2- Step back.
Done and done. Funny how that actually time synced with getting on minecraft and learning how to escape in /gamemode 3. I'm not longer psychologically self painted into a corner. I just go into /gamemode 3 and step back through the wall, and now I'm out in the wide open yard with the wide open sky and I didn't even mess up the paint.
Allegories and metaphors are lifesavers. So are people who know me well and are cool enough to point things out and say things. Bae totally gets the aspienado thing, and BFF totally gets the biting and will jump in and bite with me if it ever boils down, so my world is getting sweet again. I'm not just an angsty aspienado on a mission in Pinky sox any more. My focus is back, my compass is working again, and I'm looking forward to an enjoyable year. I'm not sure I've ever said that sentence in my entire adult life- I'm looking forward to an enjoyable year.
My endocrinologist told me Thursday he's not going to worry about a dose change until my TSH hits 2.5, but I told him if it hits 2 and the joint pain in my feet is getting worse, I'll be calling back for that dosage tweak. I know he thinks I'm trying to over control it, but I don't accept that people my age with all the problems I've got are supposed to not be able to stop the ravages of illness and time and just accept getting fatter and more crippled. Already been there. I have been completely immobile and disabled at way too early an age. I have come back from needing help getting in the shower and dressing and tying my shoes to buying my own groceries and carrying them into the house all by myself. I have come back from not being able to coherently read a paragraph in a book to writing complex paragraphs in movie reviews. This whole sitting around waiting for a number change while something gets worse again is unacceptable. I know from hard experience that by the time it hits 3 I get the whole headache achy joint thing, by 4 I'm useless, and since I lived in the 6 range for a couple of years, pretty sure I know my own body. Some people can do that, but a TSH at 6 during untreated undiagnosed diabetes was killing me. I spent my forties plunging into an abyss that could easily have been avoided with proper medical attention. I had the worst doctor on the planet throwing narcotics and benzos at me like candy while saying "I'm not going to worry about it until..." There's just no excuse for losing so many years of my life like that.
In the meantime, what my endo should have been saying is WOW, you are doing remarkable with a virus that is taking down my other patients for 3 weeks and 2 rounds of antibiotics for the related bacterial infections, how are you doing this??? Well, Doctor, I stopped shoveling carbs into my mouth assuming pills for diabetes would fix everything, as you seem not to have caught onto yourself. Seriously, guys, that was the biggest change in my life. Your bodies can't work properly if they are continually shoveling through incoming sludge slowing everything down, and the sludge itself is what's actually killing you. It's hard enough surviving with chronic illness in the first place, kinda silly to make it a Herculean effort.
Ok, get off the lectury rant. Ha, lectury is an Englishism. Nothing like devoting an entire blog to weird words. I admire people who obsess far more than I do. I totally get sign collectors.
That's right. Bae. Her. I found the words. The last 8 1/2 years are suddenly an eyeblink, and Pinky is giddy. The darkness finally falls away and my world becomes joyful again.
Time to move on. This is part of a wicked awesome video series and the song can be downloaded on itunes.
