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Thursday, January 21, 2016

hack writing


One of my fave games ten years ago was Hell of Sand Falling. My java is super screwed here on old lappy and I haven't been able to get to it for at least 3 years, but it was the perfect visualization game for anyone who loves thinking about population spread or ecosystem imbalances. You start with four basic elements- sand, salt, water, and oil. You get a list of tools to choose from to create complex interactions, like plant growth (only grows when it touches water, killed by fire), fire (burns oil, put out by salt), wax (impenetrable by oil and water, also burns up in fire), you get the picture, there were more. The elements falling are continual, but you can direct what happens and the ways they might mix with your tools. My fave part was creating pockets of oil mixed with other elements and starting a fire in one corner and watching how the fire moved across the game. The fire can burn only when it directly touches flammable pixels, and as it burns oil or wax, structures collapse and either make it spread faster or actually even put it out.

I felt that happening in my body yesterday.


As long as the crud was staying all in my head and not going too much below jaw level, it was tolerable. Even with exploding ears and a water balloon filling up my brain, it was tolerable. I messaged my doctor on Tuesday just in case. I didn't want to, way too many antibiotic probs and I knew this time we'd be trying a new one. (Nothing like asking your doctor for a holter with an antibiotic that has heart rhythm warnings on it, so he wants me to stop taking it.) Tuesday evening the balance tipped and swallowing water was like swallowing hot razor blades. Not sure how I slept at all.

Yesterday was @bonenado day, lotta x-rays bcuz #felloutofatree, probably really lucky they didn't have him transported to ER. His nurse actually got upset when she saw his leg. No, he won't let me take a picture. I waited to pick my script up along with his after his appointment, and it was like the race was on- I could feel the germ invasion get that toehold and start down my bronchials. By the time I got the first pill down with lunch, my upper chest was on fire. And then the hour after the first pill was like squeezing all my tissues like a sponge and flinging fluid everywhere. A sprinkler shaped like a head would be about right. But it didn't last long, and now I'm on 12 hour counts between doses, feeling the surges and fall backs, and it is World War II in there this morning.


And now @bonenado is getting this on top of all his injuries. I really feel for him. It's not very often we both croak off at the same time. Plus we woke up to snow showers and I'm so glad I cooked ahead Tuesday, because today is going to be long and miserable.

By the way, ceftin screws your blood sugar if you're diabetic. Whee.


Everything hurts. Dragging out in my pajamas and laying face down in the falling snow feels appropriate right now.

My ears hurt too bad to care about youtube. You're on your own today. Oh, context. I was telling Scott about the flashbacks of my childhood I've been having this week, and he goes "No wonder you never say anything." One of my eardrums blew out twice by the time I was 6. By my teens I'd stopped mentioning when I felt sick since we didn't go to doctors, and regularly suffering through insanely high fevers and delirium was expected. The worst two flashbacks were my granddad holding my face and force swabbing my throat with iodine, and my dad showing my mom how to dribble olive oil into our sinuses with nose droppers so it would coat the back our our throats and how it was all I could do not to scream the first time I ever felt that, and when I tried to get up my dad held me down and poured more in. We never got pain pills or anything else, and the closest thing I got to comfort at all was ear drops (olive oil and wintergreen) warmed up on a spoon on the stove and drizzled into my ears and then cotton stuffed in. Kids at school with cotton in their ears were treated pretty badly, so I always pulled my cotton out on the bus before I got there. "in pain" survey is POV context what it's like being sick on autism spectrum. Of course, I wasn't aware as I did the survey that I was just starting a massive weeks long slide into CMV hell.

Imagine growing up going through strep and mono and whatever else without going to doctors. This is why I let things get so bad before I go in, sometimes weeks of throbby spikey ear pain before I finally have them checked. You know how in winter they say bring your pets in? People worry about their feet walking in the snow when they go out, so there's little booties for dogs now. We lived next door to a pit bull that was chained in one spot for years, through all kinds of weather, and Scott would take straw over and stuff into his house, and many times would tromp out in the dark with our leftovers and check on that dog. The dog eventually went deaf, I can only assume from the severe cold he made it through. I know my ears have always hurt real bad out in even cool wind ever since I was a little kid. I think about animals outside and the first thing I think of is their ears, and maybe how bad their earaches are from being in miserable below zero wind chills. I see people post pix of cats doing hard faceplants on the couch or against a wall and they think it's funny, but my first thought is massive headache and they don't know what else to do, because I've done that. As an ASD person, I've even bumped my head on a wall over and over during bad headaches. I see people drag toddlers out in cold like this without coats or hats because they're just 'running in' somewhere, but you know they'll be in a clinic later with a screaming kid having earaches. Seriously, nice mom in a down coat got out of a CRV and carried a barefoot child without so much as a sweater through 20 degree weather late one night.

*wrestling the keyboard back from my ears* No! My blog! Go get your own blog! I clearly need an escape plan... I often think of switching bodies with other people when mine is being extra sucky.


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