Those of you NOT coming in on mobile might be noticing little format tweaks. I've decided I'm in a frickin' good mood this year and I'm done with the getting dragged down stuff. Even when I do my best to shunt it off my main feeds, so many of you are DETERMINED to be a drag that I just stopped even checking half the time. I've had notifications turned off nearly forever now, but just popping on once a day to sparkle a little joy is such a dismal undertaking that I'm not sure how the world even keeps turning. Oh yeah, the real world isn't social media, lol.
I'm barely catching glimpses of the winter olympics, kind of checking on what the gang is watching every night on TV, stuff like that. I miss everyone, but one of the weird side effects of my life getting jerked sideways last year is getting emotionally healthier, so there you go, that's a real thing, social media triggers depressions galore, blahblah. Watched another popular account go ballistic last week being overly tagged in a super massive convo gang on an endless spawn of threads, and I guess it just doesn't occur to some of you to turn notifications off. There is no other answer for that. Some of you saw me writhe in facepalm and fail agony through that, and I'm here to tell you there is so much freedom in silencing the tags.
Anyway, I intend to do a bit more tweaking little by little, since I live here and I feel like remodeling, so if you're coming in sporadically on mobile, Club 2018 is my new thing.
In the meantime, since some of you are bored and the weird stuff gets more attention, here is your next homework assignment.
"In the Eye's original animated incarnation, its center was a camera iris that opened and shut, and the first still version set the Eye against a background of clouds." -The CBS Eye turns 60
And now there are cameras everywhere, watching us.
Maybe it's time to decide what we really want in our lives. Personally, I want a few beautiful days that feel gentle on my soul, and I've been learning the hard way for years that money doesn't buy that, that no one can hand that to me, and that ultimately I'm the one who must find it, create it, and then actually enjoy it. Maybe the hate spew we keep feeling channeled toward is psychological warfare being spun over us by billionaires with agendas. Maybe the depression they create and feed us keeps us all medicated or drinking, both of which keep them rich. Maybe the entertainment lulls us into lives of passivity that go nowhere and we try to feel better buying things. I just know that the longer I'm away from being 'plugged in', the better I feel.
I've changed. A LOT. Someone who knows me personally from years ago to now would definitely notice. I used to be way more super aspie than I am now, less self aware, confused and 'uncaring', nearly everything black and white with me. I've chillaxed.
So last night went on forever. An old friend I know irl that I lost contact with years ago had decided to push the past and all my stuff now aside and moved in with me. I was hers. She redecorated my entire house, fixed me up (surprise!) with a whole new wardrobe, planned and scheduled all my days out, and even showed me that she'd been keeping written diaries on me for years.
O_O
Ok...
Scott kind of thought it was funny (in the dream) but agreed it was a little bit of a problem since she kept getting in between us. He was wanting me to pick up a particular collector's video for him, and she kept pulling me aside to make me change my clothes (right there in public) and fuss at me to get ready for some meeting or soiree. I was handling it all really well in my dream, just kind of going along with it to a point (I'm sorry, I can't just change my taste buds like that, but yeah, those wall hangings are ok {because I really don't care about my walls anyway}), but when it came to wearing toe prosthetics (???? !!!! yes, you heard right), I called moratorium and said that's it, if my toe isn't delicate enough for your fine sensitivities (I don't even have an ugly toe), go find someone's whose is. And then I just took it off and walked away, which was difficult because she kept holding me back and trying to shove it back on.
That was cute, just got a logged out of different location notification ~on blogger~. All these years, first notification. I think Edge is toying with me. I'm on Chrome and it's pouting. Find Who Has Access to Your Gmail Account All the activity listed seems to be me.
Oh, that reminds me. I got one of those 'test your site with Google' emails where they can ping across devices. This is my report card.
I have no idea if part of this test includes pinging through Jawn or not, but I live in an area where internet speed is precious and rare and takes lots of money to procure (yes, even with a Nighthawk), so I know my page loads laboriously and not instantly. If I were in Springfield using shared wifi, I'm sure it would be faster, so no telling what's behind this kind of report card and what they might want to sell me. Google analytics has been wanting me to go pro for awhile... I have Lexxperience with these things. Lexx on Droid All I know is that I can fix all I want on my end, doesn't make it better for you guys if you have slow wifi or older tech, knowhutImean. BUT, yeah, I did go out of my way to make this blog very mobile friendly. Many professional sites out there still aren't. This is what you guys look like on my end.
Is anyone else noticing that deleted mail from legit companies (Best Buy, Penney's, etc) can now kick back in as read mail on mobile? Cute, guys, real cute. That doesn't happen with other stuff I delete.
Still free associating through stuff. This, this, this... Take what you want from it. Might be overkill, might be brain training, might be people who have way too much time on their hands. I'm not the one to say. Disclaimer- I have no religious interest in this. Only political.
Yesterday just floated away from me, literally. Yes, got more of my 'unsticky' list done, bathrooms got cleaned, laundry all caught up, but by the afternoon I was a fruit loop, so I hung around in Kai's private realm experimenting in creative. I ran into an ocean monument and decided to own it and redecorate. It's out so far beyond anywhere we've yet explored that unless I post coordinates, no one in the realm will ever see it, so it's all pix and vids for that one. It'll take time, but whenever the mood strikes me, I can go annoy those pesky Guardians. All of this is underwater, if you're unfamiliar with minecraft. I don't have to worry about dying because I'm in creative mode. It's so funny how cranky they look at me, cracks me up.
Don't worry, I'm still over at the jungle on multiplayer a lot. I've got a cute little jungle garden growing right over my jungle bunker.
Natural fire damage is turned off on MoCreatures (so our structures and farms won't burn down, I presume), so it was interesting running into lava flow through the jungle.
On the private realm I play in, whole forest areas blaze up just being near a lava pit and getting sparked on. My diamond house is an experiment in building next to a lava pool. I built on an area where a bunch of trees burned down. I'm always surprised to go back and find my fence still up.
I'm one of those lucky people who actually gunk up a little more over this kind of stuff. I live in botany heaven. #lifeinthewoods Just mentioning in passing. Whining.
Stalling now, actually. I need to make a few executive decisions about what to do next, preferably in the category of 'useful'. By the way, yes, I'm pasting #pinkyblog links over to facebook more often now, so some of you just discovering Pinky blog are surprised to find out I'm weirder than you thought. Or maybe more sane than you thought. Whatever. It's all good.
Time to skid outa here. Another disclaimer- my thing is survival. Cautions galore on this vid. NSFW.
One of my fave games ten years ago was Hell of Sand Falling. My java is super screwed here on old lappy and I haven't been able to get to it for at least 3 years, but it was the perfect visualization game for anyone who loves thinking about population spread or ecosystem imbalances. You start with four basic elements- sand, salt, water, and oil. You get a list of tools to choose from to create complex interactions, like plant growth (only grows when it touches water, killed by fire), fire (burns oil, put out by salt), wax (impenetrable by oil and water, also burns up in fire), you get the picture, there were more. The elements falling are continual, but you can direct what happens and the ways they might mix with your tools. My fave part was creating pockets of oil mixed with other elements and starting a fire in one corner and watching how the fire moved across the game. The fire can burn only when it directly touches flammable pixels, and as it burns oil or wax, structures collapse and either make it spread faster or actually even put it out.
I felt that happening in my body yesterday.
As long as the crud was staying all in my head and not going too much below jaw level, it was tolerable. Even with exploding ears and a water balloon filling up my brain, it was tolerable. I messaged my doctor on Tuesday just in case. I didn't want to, way too many antibiotic probs and I knew this time we'd be trying a new one. (Nothing like asking your doctor for a holter with an antibiotic that has heart rhythm warnings on it, so he wants me to stop taking it.) Tuesday evening the balance tipped and swallowing water was like swallowing hot razor blades. Not sure how I slept at all.
Yesterday was @bonenado day, lotta x-rays bcuz #felloutofatree, probably really lucky they didn't have him transported to ER. His nurse actually got upset when she saw his leg. No, he won't let me take a picture. I waited to pick my script up along with his after his appointment, and it was like the race was on- I could feel the germ invasion get that toehold and start down my bronchials. By the time I got the first pill down with lunch, my upper chest was on fire. And then the hour after the first pill was like squeezing all my tissues like a sponge and flinging fluid everywhere. A sprinkler shaped like a head would be about right. But it didn't last long, and now I'm on 12 hour counts between doses, feeling the surges and fall backs, and it is World War II in there this morning.
And now @bonenado is getting this on top of all his injuries. I really feel for him. It's not very often we both croak off at the same time. Plus we woke up to snow showers and I'm so glad I cooked ahead Tuesday, because today is going to be long and miserable.
By the way, ceftin screws your blood sugar if you're diabetic. Whee.
Everything hurts. Dragging out in my pajamas and laying face down in the falling snow feels appropriate right now.
My ears hurt too bad to care about youtube. You're on your own today. Oh, context. I was telling Scott about the flashbacks of my childhood I've been having this week, and he goes "No wonder you never say anything." One of my eardrums blew out twice by the time I was 6. By my teens I'd stopped mentioning when I felt sick since we didn't go to doctors, and regularly suffering through insanely high fevers and delirium was expected. The worst two flashbacks were my granddad holding my face and force swabbing my throat with iodine, and my dad showing my mom how to dribble olive oil into our sinuses with nose droppers so it would coat the back our our throats and how it was all I could do not to scream the first time I ever felt that, and when I tried to get up my dad held me down and poured more in. We never got pain pills or anything else, and the closest thing I got to comfort at all was ear drops (olive oil and wintergreen) warmed up on a spoon on the stove and drizzled into my ears and then cotton stuffed in. Kids at school with cotton in their ears were treated pretty badly, so I always pulled my cotton out on the bus before I got there. "in pain" survey is POV context what it's like being sick on autism spectrum. Of course, I wasn't aware as I did the survey that I was just starting a massive weeks long slide into CMV hell.
Imagine growing up going through strep and mono and whatever else without going to doctors. This is why I let things get so bad before I go in, sometimes weeks of throbby spikey ear pain before I finally have them checked. You know how in winter they say bring your pets in? People worry about their feet walking in the snow when they go out, so there's little booties for dogs now. We lived next door to a pit bull that was chained in one spot for years, through all kinds of weather, and Scott would take straw over and stuff into his house, and many times would tromp out in the dark with our leftovers and check on that dog. The dog eventually went deaf, I can only assume from the severe cold he made it through. I know my ears have always hurt real bad out in even cool wind ever since I was a little kid. I think about animals outside and the first thing I think of is their ears, and maybe how bad their earaches are from being in miserable below zero wind chills. I see people post pix of cats doing hard faceplants on the couch or against a wall and they think it's funny, but my first thought is massive headache and they don't know what else to do, because I've done that. As an ASD person, I've even bumped my head on a wall over and over during bad headaches. I see people drag toddlers out in cold like this without coats or hats because they're just 'running in' somewhere, but you know they'll be in a clinic later with a screaming kid having earaches. Seriously, nice mom in a down coat got out of a CRV and carried a barefoot child without so much as a sweater through 20 degree weather late one night.
*wrestling the keyboard back from my ears* No! My blog! Go get your own blog! I clearly need an escape plan... I often think of switching bodies with other people when mine is being extra sucky.
One of my nieces went last night, friend of theirs is 501st. I saw this going around, had to nab it for her, just had a kid last month and named it Rogue, so next year he'll be one. Get it? Beat that, guys.
Can you blame the guy? Yeah, after what happened to Vulcan... No one is sacred any more. But some of you have seen the movie now, hoping the disturbance I felt in the Force yesterday wasn't y'all freaking out about anything really bad.
I woke up thinking I need to pull out the big guns today, wound up in NSFW Lady Gaga Land (I forgot about the really early Christmas stuff), then the angsty SW stuff, and I'm pretty much descending into holiday hell. I'll just leave it here and keep getting ready for Houston to asplode Christmas 4 days early at my house. I don't think anything tops John Crichton and Scorpius Claus today. I'm sure my Sploit would approve.
Every once in awhile I think something so cool I just want to talk about it to somebody, and I don't know a single soul in real life who would understand a word I'm saying.
You know how source code (ok, just nod your head, all right?) tells you all this gobbledygook of wassappening (keep nodding) and you go ohhhh, yeah, ok, and then you think about how you'd write it yourself so you could see this or that variable as well (it's ok, you can stop nodding, just hang on) and then you wonder if your own source code in your body is like that. I mean, I have a Lyme marker, right? But you can't tell by looking at it whether it's in an active state or just a dormant marker. You would know I had come into contact with the Lyme bacteria and so therefore must have suffered at some point and am now a passive carrier, as I also am with CMV, and I'll probably wind up developing shingles later in my life because I still carry the chicken pox virus. But looking at the markers, you don't get a timestamp. It's kind of the same way with basic source code. Unless it's set up with lots of extra doohickeys, you have no idea when a visitor dropped by your site unless they click something you can see. Facebook is real bad for that because you can't just drop your own tracker in.
Timestamps are pretty awesome, because real time feed is a huge thing now. Stuff is whizzing around so fast that you practically need continual timestamps just to keep some kind of context, almost from second to second for some things. Our body source codes don't exactly keep timestamps, although we can figure out when some things must have happened and sometimes in what order for something else to be like it is now, right? But it all keeps moving around and regenerating. It doesn't hold still for an epoch like the layers that you can see slicing down through the Grand Canyon.
So I'm effing around some source codes today (ok, get your mind out, that's ctrl-F and then putting a search in), you know, for kicks to see what kind of blazing trail I'm leaving through someone else's stuff that I lurk on (this is where Tank could see what Neo was doing moving around in the code) (here, just take an eye break)...
Click for an ~actually cool~ post about Wall Street.
Ok, I'm not exactly stalking, I'm just lurking around more for my own amusement than for actual info because I'm too aspie to care about real human interests, I get bored too fast. So I wind up tiptoeing through the code thinking about neat things.
Anyway, I thought Wouldn't it be neat if we could right click our own bodies and just see the source code instead of having to draw blood, and then ctrl-F a search parameter straight to what we want to know, right? You know, like ["CurrentUserInitialData",[],{"USER_ID":"thisgermID","ACCOUNT_ID":"thisgermID"} blah blah ["CurrentCommunityInitialData",[],{},numberhere],["ISB",[],{},anothernumberhere],["LSD",[],{},anothernumberhere],["BanzaiConfig",[],{"EXPIRY":blahblah,"MAX_SIZE":blahthisamountblah,"MAX_WAIT":thisblahblahlong,"RESTORE_WAIT":anothernumber you get the point. (Nod.)
And then I thought WAIT, maybe we can...
I don't want to go too fast, so take a little break here, get up and stretch or put some dishes away or whatever while this cool song pumps you up to move around.
Ok, we're about to go some place really cool. My head. And this is good practice for me because I rarely share what's actually going on in here, so I'm sending thought waves out my arms and fingers through a keyboard off into a crazy invisible soup of zippy signals so they can settle into your monitor and glow into your eyes and become part of you. Brain sex. It's weird, and it's awesome. You ready? Well, not sure you can really get ready if this is your first time into my kind of weird and awesome. Just see if you can follow me.
Several days ago I shared a couple of posts on facebook, one saying the universe is fake and the other reconsidering the flat earth movement and then flippantly stated"If what I just posted before this is true, the earth could be both flat and round and inside out and all kinds of other things without any conflict. I've been thinking about this for years."
Those of you who've seen my little obsessions over everything from polychorons to envisioning a cat in hypertorus mode will probably be ok with this. The rest of you noobs will probably need a thinking cap. Hang on.
And I just took a wild romp through knitwear for pets. Sorry about that. If I'm losing you, you can click this next one and disappear like I did, but you'll be responsible for the following info and tested on it later. J/K, I know you'll come back because the suspense will kill you and you'll have unresolved weird dreams if you don't come back.
Good, you're back! See? This will be fun, I promise.
Let's assume that whatever state of existence we find ourselves in now, it's only like this for us, the way we actually think. We can't really see it from the outside of our existence. If you could step outside your body into other dimensions, your body would actually look quite different. Being 3 dimensional isn't very far from Mario or Link being 2 dimensional, but they have no clue, do they? They run into walls and make all kinds of mistakes that they totally take for granted, but we can see their world is really flat and has the illusion of being 3D. We play 'flat' video games all the time that look 3D.
Well, we live in a world all the time that looks 4D from one dimension outside of our viewpoint, and we don't have a clue. This was very well depicted in a Farscape episode called Through the Looking Glass, where Moya (the living spaceship) was unable to starburst properly because she was pregnant, and she got stuck in mid-burst schismed into four simultaneously existing but still all the same Moyas. Since Moya is a 3D creature, she couldn't exist for very long like that, and the crew got a hint from a higher dimensional being, which they were unable to properly see or interact with, on how to correct the problem. It was wonderfully weird and tense.
Imagine Mario or Link getting stuck in a weird schism like that, and you can see what happened and what they need to do next, but they can't- how would you communicate a simple idea to them?
I once read a scifi story (can't remember title and author) where an object was smuggled aboard a spacecraft past security because it had been dimensionally turned inside out, and no one could recognize it. I don't remember whether it was the same story that had someone undergoing alt-dimensional surgery because that was the easiest and safest way to remove shrapnel or a cancer without having to be cut open and lose a lot of blood. If you think along these lines long enough, you can imagine how our earth could be both a sphere and flat, and how our universe could be very different from what we conclude about it through our senses alone. Our senses help us navigate and survive, but they don't reveal to us everything there is. Case in point, the weird brain sex. My thoughts are glowing into your eyeballs right now. That shouldn't even be possible if all there can be is 3D.
Back to my source code point. There might actually be a certain way of looking at ourselves that really is as simple (to our minds) as popping a search ID into source code to find a problem, like germ warfare or cancer, but we just don't have a clue yet. We're still bouncing off walls and making all kinds of mistakes, like Mario and Link.
The reason this came up today is because I ran into another really old Lexx fansite that had been wiped out along with the rest of Geocities in 2009, and there's a guy out there working on resurrecting all the old archives, and there's a chance many people will get their old sites back. Since the root code was restructured, most of the old links are broken on the pages coming up, but if the owners realize what's going on and reclaim their old pages, they can get back in there and relink what they've got in their archives.
And the reason I kept meandering through thought after thought about source code is because I printed out the source code from two of my niece's old Geocities pages after she died, and it was all we had left of her sites after Geocities went down, because that was before I had learned how to rescue and salvage. (And now you know why I have such a deep compulsion to rescue and salvage.) Source code looks like a bunch of gobbledygook, but even the simplest source codes say so much about what a person was doing. I read through her old source code and I can see her, like Tank can see Neo. And if doctors had been able to correct her own source code, she'd still be here. I bet you guys didn't know that is exactly what they're trying to do with CF, correct the source code. Yale scientists use gene editing to correct mutation in cystic fibrosis
Before she died, she teased me with all the cute little things she could do with her secret codes, and she never would tell me how she did things like marquee and mouseover, or embed music and gifs. She learned to build all her stuff from scratch. She kept secrets about cellspacing and stylesheets. She was just a kid playing around on Geocities, and mocking me with all her cute surprises that made me so jealous. I kept asking her to tell me how she did it.
And then she went away to a hospital and died. About a week after that in the middle of my sleep, I dreamed that I asked her to tell me her secrets now, now that she could go wherever she wanted and do whatever she liked. And I started dreaming about codes. For years I never even looked at a tutorial, I just sat there and figured stuff out after another dream I'd had. I went through brain fail about 7 months after she died, but that didn't stop me from building my first Lexx fan site on a glitchy old computer on dialup (I couldn't even pull up the page to see it until I saw it on a computer in college), and when I came back public I started dragging my glitchy brain through tutorials.
And now I watch people through their source codes while I think.
I know, I keep double blogging lately, what's up with that.
It's no fun watching TV or getting into a book because I'm nearly in sunglasses again. I had to put them on working out because the super bright sunlight bouncing off the nearly white walls had my eye watering, which I thought was allergies for a bit because I also kept feeling like I was on a boat while I walked until I went Oh and remembered the nerve thing. It's been so long since I've had to wear sunglasses in the house that I forgot, but that stopped it, so I'm guessing trigeminal/optic sensory overload crisscrossing the fluid filled ears report in the ol' brain. It's not human error because it's on an inside my brain level, so I guess call it some of the workers in there putting part of a nerve pathway on diagnostics and then going off to lunch without checking with the other departments, maybe? And of course I'm a mess anyway because my little dot went below the line and now it feels like I'm trying to asplode a cyst and about to that point where I just say heck with this and stomp off growling about telling @bonenado to take the brownies to work so I wouldn't eat any. Yes, I made the brownies. I caved after I said at least I didn't cave. And now when I need to cave, I can't.
It hit me the other day this is me.
I don't do this to test anyone, it's just been happening for a really long time (I blurt something difficult, a lurker privately jumps out of the shadows to save me), so this scene cracks me up. Dragging poor John (my friend du jour, as it were) along without any warning or heads up whatsoever is so my style, and I'm sure I've spectacularly embarrassed the living daylights out of a bunch of you at one time or another, so when I see a couple of hop ons over at LinkedIn I think, "Oh, you brave souls."
I'm not polite. I leap in front of buses. I leap completely trusting that at least one or two people are watching (to the horror of the friend being dragged into the headlights, I imagine). That I have titled my work Existential Aspie is no small fluke. My whole life has been a glorious series of magnificent leaps into the unknown, and even when I've been alone in the dark, I know I've never been truly alone. Someone somewhere has always been thinking about me, praying I make it home safe or wishing I would burn in hell.
So you guys being dragged out in front of existential buses- we'll be ok. I know I'm a scary person sometimes, and even cruel (I'm trying to stop that), but we will be ok. Those buses are all in our heads. Sometimes leaping in front of our imaginary buses gets us out of our ruts so we can think differently.
But I will try to stop that. Except with @bonenado. He doesn't blink and thinks it's all funny, then wanders off to check his fantasy stats.
Ok, whoever said "Why don't you just go make some more brownies", just stop right there. "Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great." So there. nyahnyah
