-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Monday, August 3, 2015

throwing my friends under buses

I know, I keep double blogging lately, what's up with that.

It's no fun watching TV or getting into a book because I'm nearly in sunglasses again. I had to put them on working out because the super bright sunlight bouncing off the nearly white walls had my eye watering, which I thought was allergies for a bit because I also kept feeling like I was on a boat while I walked until I went Oh and remembered the nerve thing. It's been so long since I've had to wear sunglasses in the house that I forgot, but that stopped it, so I'm guessing trigeminal/optic sensory overload crisscrossing the fluid filled ears report in the ol' brain. It's not human error because it's on an inside my brain level, so I guess call it some of the workers in there putting part of a nerve pathway on diagnostics and then going off to lunch without checking with the other departments, maybe? And of course I'm a mess anyway because my little dot went below the line and now it feels like I'm trying to asplode a cyst and about to that point where I just say heck with this and stomp off growling about telling @bonenado to take the brownies to work so I wouldn't eat any. Yes, I made the brownies. I caved after I said at least I didn't cave. And now when I need to cave, I can't.

It hit me the other day this is me.

I don't do this to test anyone, it's just been happening for a really long time (I blurt something difficult, a lurker privately jumps out of the shadows to save me), so this scene cracks me up. Dragging poor John (my friend du jour, as it were) along without any warning or heads up whatsoever is so my style, and I'm sure I've spectacularly embarrassed the living daylights out of a bunch of you at one time or another, so when I see a couple of hop ons over at LinkedIn I think, "Oh, you brave souls."

I'm not polite. I leap in front of buses. I leap completely trusting that at least one or two people are watching (to the horror of the friend being dragged into the headlights, I imagine). That I have titled my work Existential Aspie is no small fluke. My whole life has been a glorious series of magnificent leaps into the unknown, and even when I've been alone in the dark, I know I've never been truly alone. Someone somewhere has always been thinking about me, praying I make it home safe or wishing I would burn in hell.

So you guys being dragged out in front of existential buses- we'll be ok. I know I'm a scary person sometimes, and even cruel (I'm trying to stop that), but we will be ok. Those buses are all in our heads. Sometimes leaping in front of our imaginary buses gets us out of our ruts so we can think differently.

But I will try to stop that. Except with @bonenado. He doesn't blink and thinks it's all funny, then wanders off to check his fantasy stats.

Ok, whoever said "Why don't you just go make some more brownies", just stop right there. "Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great." So there. nyahnyah

I got this. I'm good at this.

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