 |
| Le petit prince by Ivelena |
So I'm doing my usual aspienado brain glitch thing all morning, wrapping my head around this chore and that, carefully consulting a list and marking things off- next months bills, birthdays and anniversaries starting up, readjusting my paper.li advanced content preferences for the dozenth time, supper plans laid out, dryer finishing up before it gets hot this afternoon, fiddling around with Zev vs. Xev construction in my head while I finish the last of the dishes and wipe down the kitchen, and out of the blue it hit me- I've been reliving 8 years ago day by day.
I hadn't planned this. I was actually trying not to even think about it after all this time. I suppose my psychologist turning me loose and me latching onto Pinky blog put me in a position to finally embrace my stuff head on. If I can't bring my heart and soul to an open blog, how can I ever put a real honest to goodness book out there?
I noticed several weeks ago I've stopped cringing. I don't care any more. I really really don't care any more what anyone thinks.
 |
| little prince in color by DanielGrzeszkiewicz |
I had an idea three years ago that I feel is so important that I'm willing to strip my soul to make things right. It's important to share, learn, grow, become. I can't do that stagnating in silence, in darkness. I feel like I will die if I don't say ALL THE WORDS.
My biggest challenge is not naming names. I'm writing an entire book without names. I can't. Of course I am considering family, and naturally I don't want to embarrass any of the friends I've had along the way, but I really do know too much. It's really hard not spilling on a blog, but at the same time, it's terrifying.
My deepest secret has been wisping out for several months now. My saddest sadness, my deepest angst, the biggest obsession I've ever had in my life. The sweetest time I've ever known. All these pieces of shattered glass I hang onto finally make sense.
 |
| The Little Prince by OllieVA |
I'm grown up now. I'm getting the hang of nuances and understanding lots more about feelings and realizing how much I mangle things, and I no longer want to hide or blow anything up. Except the world. I want to blow up the world with this really cool idea I've got. And then keep blowing it up with another really cool idea. And then blow it up again over and over with more ideas. I'm watching Moffat blow the world up, and I'm thinking- That's what I want to do....
Groupthink.
If I had a tattoo emblazoned on my heart, it would be her name.
 |
| The little prince by scarlet-moon1 |
And now I go back to my day, all the little things that make life bearable and real, while I skip all the glitches in my head back to the time that...
