Chaos 101

Back to basics. It all started with picking up a few spirals, some fun stickers, and a package of colored pens. And sox. I very slowly turned my life around and turned it inside out into something different.

And now it's really different, because not only was I successful, but the whole Bunny bomb came along a few months later, and the entire Plan turned into mobile office, yet still progressively growing.

It has grown into more than 40 spirals, at least 10 mini spirals, a solid preference for Pilot G-2 05 or 07 pens, and a wicked knowledge of novelty socks, which actually started years before during my retail phase.

I told psyche guy that I normally use the chaos and even enjoy the chaos, but lately I've been feeling like I'm drowning in it, more like losing control of the Plan and not really progressing (although the internet begs to differ in a few ways). Basically, I feel *stuck*. It has nothing to to with writer's block or not being able to keep up with the house (the chores have become very easy over the years), or even a lack of motivation (I'm still very strongly motivated). After a great big think over the last couple of months, it hit me that the problem is I dropped the Lists.

Lists are fine for the daily things, like shopping or getting a few things done around the house, maybe extracurricular like getting phone calls made and forms filled out, but one thing I learned from The Nerdist Way was to keep track of #allthethings, and I used to do it in a special spiral that finally couldn't handle all the spread, so I chucked it aside and kept moving.

There's no excuse, guys, this is getting dirt cheap. Not being compensated, just I love him.

So I thought back about how I used to keep track of what I did because back then I was so brain glitchy I actually had to. I'm not so glitchy now, but you know what? Maybe that's exactly what I need again, only on a much bigger scale this time.

So I picked up a 5 subject spiral from Walgreens with a few of my vast hoard of points, plus it was on sale, so sweet deal, and then I got a 3 subject spiral at Walmart later for el cheapo because back to school is close to finishing off, so I've got 8 sections I can use for logging, like a daily journal library.

In the olden days, I would make lists of things I wanted to do, like this or that for SyfyDesigns, or an idea I had for a certain blog, something techy I needed to go fix, and back then, having a few things like that written down gave me some direction to focus on, and when I needed the distraction, I'd go get something done. Usually each thing would take only a few minutes or maybe even an hour, and once it was done, I could write down that I'd done it in my 'done' spiral, which over time gave me loads of assurance that I really was getting a lot of stuff done, even though it felt like I was crawling along barely doing anything. And over time, all that showed up on the webs as 'presence', and I kept stumbling into ways to see what my 'net' worth is, if I may be so punny.

I need that back. In triplicate and quadruplicate. I need more than a puny spiral now. I'm running a ship with lots of different departments that need supervising, and I am the Overlord of my multiple domains. I can't smash all the things together any more, it's too chaotic.

Yep, you're guessing it. One section in the 8 subject sections will be SyfyDesigns, another section will be tech fix stuff, etc. First page of each section will be all the things that pop into my mind to maybe do in future, and pages after that will be logging when I've gotten it done, so I can look back through like a work log. It's more than a matter of ticking off a list now, it's keeping a sense of time flow and progress without losing sight of #allthethings.

He restarted his life with this, and look at him owning the world now. #NewtoWho (jumped the pond, guys) #TalkingDead (THE show to watch after the hottest zombie show ever) #Midnight (owns twitter), and that's barely even touching all the stuff he's done and still doing.

btw, caution on this vid, it's really gross.


So if anyone has a plan to get out of an anxiety-filled slump funk, it's this guy. And if anyone is a #spoonie #autismspectrum #depression survivor, it's me. I'm clawing my way out of my hellhole, albeit slowly, but ENOUGH OF THIS, WHERE IS SHERLOCK. I'VE GOT A TUNNEL SYSTEM TO FINISH ON MO CREATURES and other subtext ye know not of.

glaciers melting in the dead of night

original pic from here

Cool things that happened this weekend-

• Was listed into a fave authors list, and I'm not even published yet.
• The comment that came in tonight on this post from a real doctor.
• Crunching numbers and seeing that traffic on this blog grew 422% from this time last year.
• Being blown away by the sheer talent of the coolest person I've ever met.

It's important to make note of a good day. Goodness knows there are so many depressing days, it seems. I learned from Chris Hardwick's The Nerdist Way to give myself credit for the little things as they happen so they can become bigger things. Not noticing our little things makes us believe the lies depression tells us. Get that book. Srsly changed my life, see my journey out of the swamps of sadness into gaming my life.

Feeling nostalgic. These aren't my vids, just a few rescues that disappeared. They make me feel good. I have thousands more. One vid disappeared this weekend in the middle of me listening to it. Yes, I'd already pre-rescued it. No, I'm not replacing it. Very few get salvaged back out.

Believing every single day that what I'm doing is important is crucial. Bless the soul who created this vid.



Embracing who I am and having fun with the ups and downs in my life makes it all bearable, even when it's necessarily tongue in cheek. I thank God every day for fans and fandoms.



Enjoying the creative processes going on all around me helps me focus. I would have loved to see this one get finished.



This is my fave fanvid song across all fandoms. Me and this song go waaaaaay back, all styles and artists. A Sherlock version is rare and precious.



This is a still from a vid I recorded this weekend. It's a very tiny first look teaser, lol. Yes, I made it tinier on purpose, at least for now. The most talented person in the two universes is building it. She's also got other skillz and been other places that would make you gasp and fall on your screen. I've met a lot of talented people, but never another like her, never a sweeter, kinder, more loving person in real life from the internet, and I daresay gives me quite a run for my intellectual money. Very few people inspire aspienado across the board in so many ways. Sorry about the gushing, just been really blown away this month and feeling very humbled, something aspienado isn't very accustomed to feeling.

Picking my pace back up. January was a tough month, it's over, and now it's time to be awesome.



I know it's hard, and those of us in the northern hemisphere are hitting that seasonal slump. February is normally my slowest month across all blogs every year, and I see a lot of ships go down, but you know what? It's only a few days until it all picks back up again, so get your countdowns on, Superbowl, Walking Dead, whatever you mark on your calendars to look forward to, and keep your party shirts handy. By the way, saw Mission: Impossible 5 (Rogue Nation) this weekend, and the Morocco chase scene was a really cool way to start off 2016. I've gotta get me some new shirts.

This has been my fave vid all weekend, probably my most played back out of all my Sherlock fanvid collection all year. lyrics

bracing for the airbag

My post The Nerdist Wayfarer has taken out quarter stats on a one year old blog in a week flat. All-time top posts on that blog remain tied between Life as Social Media Art (thanx to @VickiAddesso) and Are you a robot? thanx to @DawnSnarks and @TonySolo. Since that robot post, incidentally, I've been diagnosed with spells of manic euphoria on top of having Asperger's, which probably helps makes sense of what was going on there. Now that I know what that is, I've been able to recognize it a few more times since.

I still feel a little dizzy from all going-public stuff but I think it's been good for my family and a few friends. After growing up in an atmosphere of pretense for the public and then living with the kind of social anxiety that keeps me from interacting with more than one or two 'real' people at a time, I know it's been very very good for ME.

Saw the lunar eclipse for the first time since my supermoon photo in 2011. I have different tech now, so I'm not crazy about the pic I got this time. Between long bouts of cloud cover and being surrounded by forest, it's really chancy I see anything cool out in space at all, so it was nice standing at my bedroom window this morning seeing that big ol' moon perfectly framed above Mirkwood and a sprinkle of stars all around it. After fumbling with the camera, sure makes a person appreciate how well eyeballs work.

Flying through the week getting tons of stuff done. Yesterday tore down all the curtains in the house and got them washed up, wiped all the Torchwoods off my DVR because there is just no way I've got the time to ever catch up on them, starting inventory lists for holidays and maybe a trip next spring. Lot of decisiveness happening. This pic clicks to a post that contains a link to the original source, just scroll down to the pic there if you don't feel like reading the whole thing.

Wow, I come up on page one on a google search for 'holiday slide'. If you're reading this in the future and that has changed, it goes to this post, much LOLing happening all over my keyboard right now.


Kinda late getting bizzy on my stuff, but that's ok. I mentioned that holiday slide, right? Today is burrito's mama's birthday, my brother's youngest might be popping a baby today (and her birthday was two days ago), my sister's youngest has an OB appt tomorrow, that sister's birthday is Saturday, Holly's birthday is Sunday, my birthday is on United Nations Day, there's another birthday the day before Halloween, and I think Scott's parents' anniversary is either the 30th or 31st, and then I nearly always miss my brother's birthday because it's the second after all that, and the ball just keeps on rolling in this fashion up through New Year's. I can barely keep track any more, and will definitely be updating the list for my dad. You should've seen September, it was almost as packed.

Oldie but goodie. Kinda how life feels on the holiday slide.

prioritizing lists for world domination

Today is a multiple lists kind of day. I'm running to town nearly every day this week for stuffs, so I've got a list of errands all over creation, plus a list of internet chores to do in between all the running. Yes, on top of the blog transfers. Also have a list of food I need to cook this week because I'm already getting so scattered that I'll wind up throwing food out if I forget to make something with it or make too much all at once.

I'm a big believer in lists. Sometimes I even make a list for the lists. I used to think this was ridiculous, but learning how to meticulously organize and then choreograph all these things has pretty much saved my home life from falling to pieces. I still thank Chris Hardwick for that. He says I can still rule the universe with epic brain fail and that it's crucial I spend real money on cute spirals to make this happen. In 3 days it'll be 2 years since I blogged about how he changed my life. I never dreamed I'd become so capable on the webs again. Lotta small steps got me here, can't wait to see where another two years gets me.

In the meantime, my Let's Get Spocked survey rocked right up to the top of my Surveypalooza posts yesterday. I think a lot of us are just looking for distraction while we get through our days. I love it when I find other people creating cool distraction on the webs.

This happened yesterday, bit of discussion going on facebook about ghosts in my house.

Grinding through physical therapy a little differently this time, alternating therapists with very different methods with instructions from the therapist who first assessed me this go-round. I feel like I'm working harder and recovering faster than the last couple of years of physical therapy, but I can also tell my pain tolerance is slipping. Is that a good thing? I used to be able to tolerate continual soul draining pain, and now I get crabby over little pain spikes. I'm hoping that means I'm getting used to feeling better and that my body finds it unacceptable to allow backsliding. Like doing computer work, sitting here sucketh mightily on my neck and the back of my skull after holding burrito so much a few days ago. I mean, it has always hurt to sit and I have to keep getting up and moving around, but I almost feel like I'm being punished now trying to work, which means I'm taking it personally. That leads to bitterness and anger and the dark side, so I need to get my head straightened back out. This one clicks to pinterest if you want to grab it.

Amusingly, I should probably confess that as my capabilities have increased, so has my demand on my output, and I'm probably so intensely focused that I'm not realizing I'm hurting myself locking into position like this. I'm probably lucky I have a body that screams at me. I know people who eat what they want and do what they want and never really notice discomfort beyond a little heartburn, but it's getting a little scary how many people we know who are suddenly dropping dead in their 50's now. Maybe it's a good thing to feel DISCOMFORT. Unless you medicate in order to ignore it so you can keep on doing what you're doing.

Ok, going off on a bleak tangent was not my intention. I can tell this is going to be a rough day, so I need to stay busy. Back to the lists!!!