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Sunday, November 27, 2016

the celebrity death addiction thing

This is as far as we've gotten this weekend.
Despite sloughing off all those corporate and business accounts, my twitter analytics is insisting that my highest demographic is homeowners with good jobs (a third of you completed college) and a preference for premium brands, equally spread across political affiliations, and 18% of you purchased new cars in the last 6 months. Seriously, for real. It says that. Most of you prefer drama and comedy on TV, and sports is about equal with sci-fi for solid lifestyle interests. A little over 500 of you that I still follow are actual people and still currently active on social media.

In one year flat I reduced my twitter followers from nearly 3000 to just under 600 and didn't hurt my social media cred at all. My klout score has held rock steady in the 60s this entire time. 2016 is the year I proved that 'growth' does not equal WORTH. This is especially noticeable in my monthly impressions jumping another 100K the last couple of months, and if that doesn't mean anything (like I keep insisting), at least my daily/weekly/monthly engagements have held just as rock steady as my klout.

That's right, some of you just realized I'm doing the end of December stuff in November. This will probably be it for end of year assessment. Lotta people out there will be measuring 2016 in end of the year recaps by how many celebs died, by how crazy politics got, by how movies did at the box office, by Wall Street numbers, by trends in this and that games and software, by world catastrophic events, and that list just goes on.

I still have most of my friends. After 4 years. If you guys knew my personal history on the internet, that alone would sheath my house in gold.

@bonenado still has his job, despite the company he works for being on the market for nearly 3 years now.

I have gone nearly 3 years now without an autoimmune flare, and my health overall continues to be the best its been in my entire adult life since I changed everything in 2011.

I was talking with a friend the other day about how it feels when things are going good and you automatically think it means something bad is just around the corner.
[11/24/2016 4:10:38 PM] Pinky Robot: I'm a proactive doom & gloomer, too. I always ready for the other shoe to drop. But it's ok to enjoy the moment.
[11/24/2016 4:11:20 PM] Pinky Robot: And bad things sometimes happen because we're just being dumb and not paying attention.

And I was talking with @bonenado last night about how in shock everyone seems to be about celebrities dying all through 2016, and I was like- how was it any different from 2015, or 2014? Because those years sucked for celebrity deaths, too. And you know what? It's going to be like this from now on, because we grew up with these names and faces, we are ALL getting older, and now we're going to watch all of them steadily die off. This continual barrage of celebrity death shock is never going to end.

2017 is just around the corner. Celebrities we haven't lost yet who could go any time-
  • Harrison Ford (yes, all my readers just seethed and hissed at my blasphemy)
  • Morgan Freeman (omg, noooooooooo)
  • Donald Sutherland (srsly iconic)
  • William Shatner (I've already wept over the eulogy I wrote years ago, my most read piece EVER)
  • Christopher Lloyd (not Doc Brown!!!!)
  • Bill Murray (shtap already *weeping*)
  • James Earl Jones... 
And apparently I'm not the only one looking up "oldest celebrities still alive", because Google search filled most of that in for me by the time I'd gotten to "oldest cele". There are a LOT of people we're going to be losing over the next ten years, and as we age with them, as social media keeps us informed up to the minute and second, O Best Beloved (Kipling), we are going to hurt every time we watch parts of our lives 'die' with them.

This is the cruelty of social media. Mass mourning is a thing now. Some of us are learning to disengage from mass mourning because it triggers too much stuff, and we wind up plowing face into that nasty depression wrecking on the highway of life thing, over and over and over.

My 2017 isn't going to be like that. I'm not going to let social media jerk me around and make me feel helpless and sad. I'm going to expect the world to keep turning and things to work out, like they usually do, and I'm going to continue focusing on my goals and why I'm here.

We have another long month to go before the end of 2016. Will social media crash your holidays? They're not going to crash mine. Not this year. I did that crash thingy last year, it sucked, and I can't go there again.

I'm an alcoholic with a history of child abuse and emotional neglect. I'm just now coming to grips with the stoicism that a- kept me alive and b- lost me all my friends over and over. I'm an aspienado that tears down belief systems and rips off masks. I'm a mess and a pissy dragon that eats people's heads. I can't be going down into a weepy bottle every time a celebrity dies, because above all these things, I am an alcoholic with a history of multiple medication addictions. Even if these addictions are considered 'mild' by some doctors, they lasted for several decades and withdrawals were wicked as hell.

So I won't be joining any of you in condolences and lamentations and remembrances every time a celebrity dies. I'm still not over losing loved ones, and I still emotionally crawl through nearly every day. Mass mourning and addiction- wow. That's a cycle that will never. end.

I ran into a couple of outstanding articles yesterday.

Are You Being Gaslighted In Your Relationship? Dysfunction as a way of life. I see this all around me in a variety of expressive ways.

The Opposite of Addiction is Connection Totally nailed it. I got so lucky meeting @bonenado.

Depression over holidays is a real thing. Depression moves a lot of money into hands selling drugs, meds, and alcohol. You probably already know you're going to be depressed around whatever winter holiday you celebrate, even if you are singing all over your house while you decorate. You think you can beat it this year. You think you can show depression who's boss. And then that sucker punch will come- social media will hammer home someone you loved all through your childhood dying right around the big holiday, and you will fall. apart. Because that's the mask stuff over the real stuff. And you will reach for the nearest bottle of something to deal with it.

You're not weak for trying, and you're not weak for succumbing. You are hurting, and you need hugs and help.

international suicide hotlines
national domestic violence hotline (U.S.)
veterans crisis hotline
24 hour crisis hotline (depression)

Why Pinky is on social media- depression, suicide, and Pinky's revenge

Aspienado dealing with juggling chainsaws and eggs in public while living with depression and chronic illness on autism spectrum- ~metaphorically~

Holidays are hard. Pinky is hacking through the emotion jungle and drawing a survival map. We can do this.

I reprised the broken cheesecake. This is coffee and chocolate marble in a rice crumb crust. It's my fave holiday dessert nowadays because I'm diabetic and allergic to lemon pie (*snif*) and it's the lowest carb dessert I can find to make without fake sugar in it.

recipe-
Crust- 1 1/4 graham cracker crumbs, 1/4 c sugar, 1/3 cup melted butter, stirred together and patted into pie plate. (I substitute 4C gluten free bread crumbs.)
Filling- Mix together 2 8-oz blocks of cream cheese, 1/2 c sugar and 1 tsp vanilla, then mix in two eggs.
For the mocha swirl, I pour half the batter into the crust and melt 1/4 c. chocolate chips on the side. Moisten 1 t. dried coffee in a drip of water, swirl into remaining batter, dollop half that onto the batter already in the crust. Swirl the melted chocolate into what's left of the batter, dollop the rest of that in between the coffee dollops. With a utensil, run lines through both ways and then on a slant both ways.
Bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes. Do NOT add a topping when it's done unless a label says it has no carbs because it's been replaced with artificial sweeteners. Fresh berries are ok if you don't add sugar to them, but please use your glucose meter to verify this and not my word.
This one's for Shatner still being with us and Nimoy for going on ahead and all of us left here in the wake. Bless the person who made it, and I don't know if it's the person who uploaded it, but that youtube account was created 5 years ago specifically to upload this vid. It's special, guys.



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