-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Saturday, November 26, 2016

crawling back out of 2016 like a mega creeper blast

Thinking of all the time reset memes for 2016, like we need someone to push the Omega 13 button, or where is Barry and that flashpoint when you need it, or if only Marty hadn't boinked up the old west, or...
New Year's Resolutions to date-
  • no new tags
  • don't buy myself any more ice cream
I nearly failed on that last one, but it's ok, I'm going to remake that failed cheesecake.

LAST YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS- You could click that, or I could paste it over.

I'm in a pretty deep funk, trying to hold my stuff together through holidays and another winter, got a pain level going and family drama and my self-incrimination is eating away at me again, like it does this time every year but hardly anybody knows about it because I really don't share it.

Every day I tell myself I can do this.

Every day I remember that I believe in what I'm doing.

Every day, no matter how bad I hurt or how sad I feel or how hard stuff seems, I remember that I'm back out public to be good for people.

And above all, I don't waste time feeling guilty over people who bring their problems on themselves. I'm sorry they're stuck like that, but dragging me down into it isn't going to get the bigger work done. I own that I'm a sucker, and I need to get off this wrong way track I've veered off on and GET BACK TO WORK.

I've decided I'm not going to talk to any more new strays, I'm going to stop responding to vague 'hows it going' chatter from people who can't be bothered to click a link, and I'm going to have a really good 20th anniversary year Lexxing with the fans, which means I'll have to reassess my social media priorities and stick to my gangs.

I think I just made my New Year's resolutions.

Of course, who could foresee the way the 20th Lexxversary would go down with all the MIAs and a number of other people hitting walls. If you think about it though, what a Lexxy way to go. 2016 monumentally sucked in so many ways for the world in general, so I'm just going to move past it and get my butt back in some kind of gear.

I say that, and in the back of my mind I'm dealing with stuff I'm not sharing, but it's nothing terrible or anything, just my regular personal rebounding off walls kind of thing.

I'm on a self imposed 30-day challenge with a very particular list that I've been trying to get to for months and for some reason looks especially daunting for no reason I can fathom, and true to my holiday ways, I'm in my typical aspienado meltdown/shutdown cycle. BUT THIS YEAR I AM WISER. We all saw what happened last year on twitter. That's not going to happen this year. Pond of Death was an emergency holding pattern until a good friend rescued me off the medias and diverted me into minecraft, which I feel has been one of the most life changing moves this spoonie aspie has ever made, so I'm going to be ok.

Still serious about the arms, though. Living through some suckage.

All these things being non poignantly restated (yes, non poignantly is two words, I looked it up), just a reminder that if I'm not talking to you on the medias (the ones who need to know these things are the ones who never click, alas), I'm saving your life. Poking me to be chatty doesn't score points with me. I actually laughed last night when a particular follower who deliberately poked and cajoled me to FOLLOW BACK and then ignored me from then on tweeted "I've quit tweeting at people who never engage unless I initiate it and likely you're muted or dropped." Srsly, right? I nearly muted, unfriended, and blocked on the spot just to get even for initially being poked for attention, but I am trying to be more human on the medias and let things slide by. Aspienado doesn't need to be stomping around like a Godzilla movie when someone irks my special sore spot. All I hafta do is patiently wait for that account to unfollow me first or go dormant long enough to assume he might not be coming back. Y'all know I'm good for it. Y'all saw me learning that 75% of the accounts I unfollowed were long abandoned. Y'all know that numbers mean nothing to me. Just clutter in the ol' closet.

Note driving my point home- PEOPLE mean stuff to me. Not numbers. Not abandoned accounts. PEOPLE. A handful of you may have noticed that some of my friends on the medias are pretty volatile and highly opinionated, and even though they may seem acutely abrasive, I like them. They are real people and talk to me. Also please note they don't *ahem* tag me a lot. REAL FRIENDS DON'T TAG YOU A MILLION TIMES A DAY. Not to hurt any feelings, and I do like being included in my gangs, but I still sometimes get upwards of several thousand tags a day in convos I'm not even part of, and I still read every single one even if you don't see me hitting *likelikelike*. While a lot of you out there doing the tagging get lost in the convos and miss half the things, I actually see #ALLTHETHINGS because I'm a readaholic speedster with a real compulsion problem, so all y'alls making your OCD jokes, live in my world sometime.

Ok, going off the rails... See, this is what holidays do to me. If I were a Time Lord, I'd make Missy look sweet.

I'm a whole frickin year behind in Doctor Who. THAT'S how messed up 2016 has been for me. Until I get caught up on Doctor Who, I will always feel like something's off. I may need to get on that this winter.

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