Header snip originally from giphy, added onto to by other enthusiastic fans, and then I took it through memedad.
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Saturday, March 25, 2017

Autisable profile

This is my personal intro on my activity wall at Autisable.com. For newer autie bloggers coming out now, I go back to 2008 as Bluejacky and have been autie, spoonie, and depression blogging for nearly ten years. And scifi and other entertainment commentating. Lots of that, going back to 2004, actually. I go back to 1994 in internet fandoms. Anyway, if you are interested in autie blogging, whether on spectrum yourself or someone you know or whatevs, Autisable is pretty awesome and we'd love for you to join.
Hello =)

For ppl who don't yet follow me anywhere, I'm a huge scifi & Sherlock fan, and I keep up fairly well with the real time breaking news from the Sherlock/DoctorStrange/Benedict fandom in real time on twitter, plus live tweet Syfy, TWD, and other shows with the #Snarkalecs, and I've got Lexx groups and pages and a fan blog that's been translated into several languages by other fans. I lightly stay in touch with a lot of people who are really spread out, which is ideal for me since I don't do deeper friendship groups well. My friends on twitter who survived the Pond of Death era are really solid, even though I never got back on social media to make friends. Took awhile, but I think I've about found my balance on the webs.

I've made it pretty clear in several places that I don't respond to "hi" or "how's it going" prompts, nothing personal. Hard experience has taught me that vague chatter usually comes with some kind of agenda that diverts my focus, and that usually winds up in what I call exploding bridges. No more blowing up bridges, which means I don't respond to chain yanking. Aspienado is not a doll with a string for personal entertainment, although I still fall for it all the time because Pinky Robot has an automatic response and comply program. I'm far too congenial until I realize I'm a pet on a leash, and then I bite. Nine years with a psychologist is helping me understand why I repeat this pattern over and over. It's called being 'easily led'. I have a court appointed payee based on glitchy cognitive documentation. I'm high IQ and unreliable for time orientation and following directions. If I were Star Fleet mapping planets, I'd be the one who'd stay in the same uniform for 48 hours straight and show up in the wrong conference room, but my report would be immaculately detailed.

While others carefully walk the line of self discovery either with the #actuallyautistic tag or vicariously through their kids, I'm full blown diagnosed aspienado and don't apologize for who I am. I am the bull in the china shop in an eyeblink even when I'm trying my best to behave, and the most challenging thing I've learned on the webs from PR is 'don't respond'. I don't realize I accidentally shred people mowing them over, and I very obviously cannot shut up when I get started, even though I am very quiet in real life and read, research, and study prodigiously. I am driven like an addict toward information input and processing (I'm a compulsive reader, and yes, that is a real thing), and a friend of mine nailed it asking me if I'm a robot. Yes, I am Pinky Robot, learning to integrate all my split web personalities into a psychologically healthy whole.

I'm also YabloVH on the Mo Creatures minecraft multiplayer server, so if you love minecraft, I do, too. =)

I'm not into negativity or any kind of side taking. I used to eat people for sport or think it a challenge to asplain stuffs, now I think there are better things in life I can be doing. I'm very thankful for Joel and Autisable being there for my first step into public sharing the real stuff in my head, and I've been practicing being public on Pinky blog so I don't blow the internet up and then hide in my cave. I'm not into comments, commentary, praise, stick poking, or general "Happy whatever-day-of-the-week-this-is", but I've found my niche in fandoms and memes, and no one will ever be able to pry my brain tentacles out of that crazy abyss.

My goals are simple: Stay public no matter what, and keep sharing my journey integrating into a more socially functional and psychologically healthy person so that I can be good for other people, and especially help despairing parents from the other end- I am your child all grown up now, and I've even had my own kids. It took me a long time to connect all my dots so I could see the bigger picture, but I understand now my mom didn't get what she needed from me, and even though it's too late for her to see me now, I can still encourage other parents who are still getting through the hard stuff with their kids. I was a screamer who got motion sick every single time I was in a car and screwed up every holiday visit with relatives and argued about jots and tittles and shut down everyone trying their hardest to give me a hug. Hi, I am aspienado, and I know now that I love my mother very very VERY much. Please know your kids will get there, many of them probably a lot faster than I did.

And now I'm going to run off and forget to come back here for awhile, because that's what I do.

<3 <3 <3

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