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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Monday, March 27, 2017

goin to The Pizz

clicks to giphy

Some days there is just nothing I can do and it just can't be helped, forced to abandon all intention otherwise and just cave. Pain management can reach extremes where all I can do is just go lay very still for awhile so one area will calm down and hope that is enough before another area drives me back into motion. When all else fails, thank goodness for youtube on my phone.

Since I don't share this part of coping, I thought it might be fun to share today's trail through some new vids popping up in my radar. I love seeing what other people are doing and creating, and this helps me focus outward so I don't wallow in depression and self inflicted passive aggressive displacing when it's simply just physically sucking and I need to take a break. The whole 'poor me' thing isn't my style, and it really does help to get lost in absorbing different things. So here we go.

Ok, so I probably shouldn't have clicked this one first, but I did. It hit a little close to home, but it's really well done.



This one is a little long but I really enjoyed it. I'm a Bunny Bennett fan.



Little bit dark for my current needs, but again, just really well done.



The whole time I watched this I kept wondering how long it took to make. The logistics kinda overtake the experience.



Finally sucked into this next one enough to forget the pain. Love these guys. I wanted that Pizz t-shirt so bad, and they stopped selling those. *wo* The store is back open... click --> All Types of Crazy Crap! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Here's that shirt!!! O_O A Trogdor mug *gasp* Now see, my bad day is all our gains. I'm so happy I'm floating. 😍



Lmao, this is too funny.



I wish Lexx fans would get this obsessed.



Oopsie, slipped off into melancholy. Better watch that. Really love this vid, tho.



THIS. Very well done, brava.



And this is the point where I was about to be driven back into motion, the hard grind, as I fondly call it. Now I'm grinding through doing busy work sharing this to help the day pass, but this is the coolest thing ever. #transparency I've shared about my synesthesia lending to deep thought through my childhood into things revealed years later by chaos science, like fractals and many other kinds of patterns that rise out of chaos. Among my deeper thoughts were obsessions with sounds, and the idea that vibrations could be 'captured', harnessed, created. I was elated when electronic and digital musics were born, but this guy goes back to my very young age obsession with finding a way via thought experiment for one person to trap and guide all the creation into one object. Except this person really does it. I truly admire this level of obsessive passion.



I haven't said this yet about why I went silent during and after the 4th Sherlock season when you all know how obsessed I've been with the show. There are moments when I am this close to Eurus, where I can step out, disconnect, and not feel. I did it a lot growing up. I killed not just my own pets, but my siblings'. I chased my sister around with body parts and bits of skull. I played with dismembered limbs, disemboweled tissues and organs. I watched my dad kill puppies and cats and other animals of all kinds without any tears at all or thought for other people's feelings. When I see Eurus, I see that part of me that I was able to grow past growing up, and it wasn't easy. When I say I dissociated and developed other mes to be able to interact, I'm not joking around. When I reveal that it has taken me most of my life to learn compassion and kindness and how to care about other people's feelings, I'm not lying. I was telling the truth when I said the reason I reached out to learn all this is because I don't want to die alone.

"Alone is what I have, alone protects me." That was true growing up. It's not true grown up. That is what I see Sherlock learning at the end when he plays violins with Eurus. He makes sure she is not alone even after she has dissociated beyond any other interaction.

K, today is tough and I've gotta keep moving. See ya.

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