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Wednesday, March 15, 2017

I think it's still March


I'd call this the longest week ever, but I'm time skipping around so badly that I can't tell. A couple of days ago I thought it was Friday, realized it was really Thursday, realized later in the day it was really Wednesday, and by the time Scott got home from work, had figured out it was Tuesday. Apparently that was Monday.

That and a few other minor concerns I'm having with self perception are prompting correspondence between my psychiatrist and my psychologist about possibly doing some kind of neuropsych eval, since my own self assessing seems to be incongruous with observation. I've been back on previous gabapentin dose for a month and still feel like I've got some kind of lingering mind stone going on, feeling a bit more scattered and unable to focus than I was before the gabapentin dose was ramped up in January. It's reminding me of how I felt coming back out of past illnesses that affected me cognitively. Nothing big or anything, just I don't feel like I'm braining very well. I'm obviously functioning fine.

The only other thing I can think might be affecting me like this is I have gotten more actual SLEEP in the last 2 months than in the last 2 years, so maybe there is some brain recovery going on that's going to take some time. I don't even have an anxiety level, my pain control and recovery around and after spikes is going well, my appetite is fine, nothing else about me seems amiss aside from occasionally dropping something. I'm not feeling particularly lazy since I'm getting actual WORK done, including phone calls happening. But I'm peaking on the ol' I didn't realize I haven't posted on my blog in 3 days kind of thing. Not sure if this is a real problem, but I'm trying to get a bunch of stuff taken care of way ahead of time just in case since I've been through such epic fail in past years. I ran into a missed safe deposit box rental notice the other day that was already half a month late, so it's possible. Honestly, if I weren't so used to self monitoring like this by now (and I've spent years fine tuning this), I'd probably drop off the map again and you guys wouldn't know what happened to me. I'm a space case deluxe.

I think my apps having to come off my phone has made me uber aware of this. My real time touch bases being gone kinda make the big gap they cover up more noticeable. I very seriously used phone apps to stay on track in so many ways, and I'm not saying they made me lazy or dependent, but it's possible they made it too easy to ignore why I was needing them so much. If I do go through testing, maybe there will be an area showing up I can work on with my psychologist.

Other stuff around here is the Bunny SARS migrating into Papa, so @bonenado has been home from work with the big bad norovirus now. Other people we know have missed 3 or more days of work with it, and it's so rare for him to get that sick that we know this one is really bad.

I'm still on a public minecraft server when I play, so I'm seeing real people every day and not just lost in my own deep hole. I'm also trying to stay in touch with the Lexx fans that hit facebook, so I am surfacing, just not all over the place like I was for so long. I'm hoping I can get back to that, but I don't seem to have the driving focus lately to cover all the bases. I'm still seeing notifications when I log in. 💖

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