Some of you seem really interested in the grim weird stuff, based on the hard hitting lately, so here's a thought-
I keep wondering if anyone else is going to bring up the probability of all the MK lawsuits once the industry is torn down. So many actors coming out now hinting and even saying they sold out so they could be famous (fast tracked), and then going through crazy rumor mills and paparazzi problems before they wind up in detox or disappearing to other countries, and ultimately framed by the industry as wacko drug abusers dying crazy weird deaths. Who knows if this is even true, right?
One more question-
Do you ever wonder why they keep bringing up and remaking the same things over and over, like why do we need so many film versions of Alice in Wonderland, right? I mean, I love those books, raised my kiddo on the Disney cartoon version, loved Sammy Davis Jr. as the Caterpillar, and Andrew Lee Potts is my fave Hatter. But is there rhyme and reason? Who and what are the White Rabbit, and why is this so deeply ingrained into our culture? By the way, I love Pink, she's awesome and totally kills this.
I was a fool. I made it clear out to 15,739 x 2513 and then got stupid and took on a werewolf with a stone sword. I was over 23,000 blocks from home (my evil lair), I had homed during the night like a good Galaxie Gurl, got bored and went out to chop wood right behind the store, got killed. There is only one /back after getting killed, and that's to your death scene to pick up your stuff. I was upset enough at myself to go out on several killing sprees after that, hence this latest pic, one I'm not proud of but still cracks me up.
My blood pressure is still fantastic, 115/81 this morning. Yesterday was like being energy bombed, I barely even got on moc for 30 minutes, so instead of just laying in bed staring at the ceiling, I pulled out my stash of 12 Monkeys eps I've been hoarding away and started over. By ep 5 both Cole and Goines had been forced to drink some of that weird tea, which back then we didn't have a clue about and was a year and a half ago (I never saw reruns after first viewing), and I also paused a bit in the first ep, I guess Cassie already had an artist's depiction of the Witness in history.
So now I'm getting into the time wiki. All these time travel shows I watch, all these different tenets set for how time 'works' when you mess with it. Continuum was the most intriguing because it allowed for loop backs and line splits at the same time, like a macrame weaving in and out and prime actually getting lost in the shuffle, but a really good show would be able to keep everything prime and incorporate allthethings, because that necessarily demands practically flawless writing and an amazing amount of story board planning. You can't just throw new shows in to fill space.
The real challenge is internal locality- blindly solving the puzzle when the pieces keep leading everyone in self-fulfilling circles. I love both the film and series equally, and I think they've done a great job migrating the characters into a more updated version. I think my fave part is getting to see the development of the 'board room' disagreements, the rogue scientists shouting different theoretical strategies at each other. That is more 'real life' than so many of the time travel shows I've watched. Jones breathes depth into this show like no other character, and to me has become iconic for setting precedents now.
See what happens when I'm not on minecraft?
Ok, need to focus back a bit. Physical therapy today, got paypal rolling for the transfer, trying not to regret all the apps I suddenly installed onto my phone last couple days. Also, brief mention because I'm still in a weird kind of aspienado pre-processing shock phase- came close to losing our Twink (Bunny's mama) yesterday afternoon when she very suddenly blew up anaphylactic after an allergy shot. She's been doing this series of shots for months, so that was really out of the blue. I'm right on the edge of going over that what if cliff, so I'm going to try to steer as far as I can from thinking about anything normal today, just stay super distracted. I'm not in good enough shape emotionally this month to just rebound out, so since I lost my place on the other side of the MoCreatures world, I've gotta come up with a new goal to obsess over.
I don't tell you guys the real stuff most of the time. How about a reveal today? A reason why this is a daily thing for me in a brief recap of something I finally told Kai the other day, and why I bring up 2004 every once in awhile. That was the year my sister very horribly lost her oldest daughter (20) and my mother went into a nursing home (cashed out my 401K to handle my finances while I took off work to become DPoA), and then my own brain crash during a nasty virus hitting my nervous system that I am still recovering from. I spent years underground online late nights with that niece before she died and years after following her little sister (11 in 2004) through a dark underground maze (personal pun) of despair and self harm and a wonderful elaborate creation she called the Monkey World, and then in 2011 nearly lost her to being violently catapulted by a fast moving car in a crosswalk, and by nearly lost I can't even describe how awful that was and how hard it's been hanging on with her feeling suicidal because it was so life changing. Our lives have been turned upside down so many times dealing with the really hard stuff, and that's not even counting all the other people around us having stuff. The stuff doesn't stop in my world.
I just want to make it through June. Well, I want lots more than that, but you know what I mean. This is the time of year I always crack. This was the song that floated me through June in 2012 as I was starting to come back out public.
Here we go, noticed the euphoria starting a couple of days ago. Remember my first one off meds? 12 straight days of barely any sleep, hardly eating, gurgling around in luv delirium like Colin in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books. It got really weird. Went through another big one last spring. I can't help noticing as I look back that my euphorias seem to be directly related to emotional surges through new doorways of self-understanding. No idea if they are causal or symptomatic or a side effect or what. I know what's triggering the euphorias now, kinda laughable. I have bounced in an out of full menopause at least twice, according to my FSH levels, and every time I bounce back out I go into these wild floaty luvfests and my brain is the happiest place in the universe. It's like I'm soaked in ecstacy or something. One of the reasons I was approved to go back on very low dose xanax is so I don't float out into space again and stop eating and sleeping. So far so good.
lol, click for literal Valentine heart stuff
In the meantime, I'm crazy in love and prone to euphoric eyeball clawing and eating other people's brains (srsly, it's like luv mode and kill mode are the same thing, I can't tell them apart like this because I'm so deliriously happy), so I'm continuing the braincation from twitter in general. I'm much safer when Scott's home, he and I cracked up a few times last couple of nights over stuff that nearly baited me to pounce and delightfully chew a head or two, so if I'm not responding to being tagged, it means you live and breathe another day.
And then I facepalmed because it hit me that just taking a blocking cookie off doesn't change a thing if I don't reset the counter code...
Anyhoo, time for end of year assessment. My investor asked me yesterday if I've set a new sales projection, and after that we went through a quick review of where I'm at and where I want to be while we drove around a Walmart parking lot looking for an open space. He said I've been a crabapple the last couple of days, and I agreed that I've gone off course ever since the Pond of Death and I need to review my mission statement (ha, only people with the password can see that, nyahnyah) and set up a new projection timeline.
One of the biggies in the convo was how my original motivation to create this job has flipped. When I first came up with the idea to go public and studied how to create a launch platform, it was out of desperation, a means of distraction to keep me from drowning in depression. Some of my best writing has come out of the sheer need for escape during high pressure social situations, like holidays. That didn't happen this year because I didn't go through my usual aspienado shutdowns and survival maneuvers into FOCUS! and instead actually participated nearly 100% throughout the holidays. I could moan about this being a writing problem, or I could feel elated that I've broken through a very serious social deficit problem I've cringed through for many years. In short, this job I've created, whether it reaches financial success or not, has successfully helped me integrate my whole self into demanding social situations that normally have me going through avoidance behaviors, yay!!! So right away, that's a big ol' plus on the assessment agenda.
So now, one of my goal revamps will include a new (and presumably more emotionally healthy) writing plan. This is no longer a job of desperation, but of joy. I really like that realization, although sadly for friends, this means less time playing on social medias and more time doing actual work. Some of you, like me, nearly got stuck wondering where to put commas in that last sentence. When in doubt, throw commas out. That's my motto. The most properly written way would have gone- "although, sadly, for friends, this means..." Riiiiight.
Hang on, need a break here. Yes, this song. Not just for Benedict.
You know when people ask who you'd want to play yourself in a movie? I always say Austin Powers.
Ok, back to the assessment. Over this last year I've injected $1300+ into my ongoing projects and my tech exec has invested $2200+ on equipment upgrades, so that's at least $3500 just this year on a goal I set 3 years ago. By now we're probably at least $8000 in. This year I tied my properties into google analytics and discovered my web rankings are getting pretty sweet, besides my content being picked up by other curators. I'm still struggling with EU cookie compliance on my older blogs that are still in server move recovery, but nearly everything is verified for ownership, and the next step, once I reach sales, will be promotion. Every bit of this is organically done, not one shred of it has been done for me by a hired service or paid staff. Three years ago I was sharing the challenges I had starting this up, but with hard work and diligence, my overall health continues to improve and I'm managing to keep up with the daily disciplines of writing and checking on my social medias.
I've set and readjusted several goals, keeping in mind that family and 'real life' take priority over work, even though work is the distraction that soothes the continual problems I have with ASD complicating several triggers with anxiety and depression, and over this last year I realized that powering through isn't the answer when one is writing delicate material. I'm learning to oscillate in and out of a more singular focus on one blog in favor of the compulsive scattering across the broken slew of blog personalities I used for several years sorting myself out. I feel I've made significant personal growth with reintegrating #allmystuffs and focusing more easily on holistic thinking. I could have finished this first project on the side, disregarding what this could mean for a better product, but I'm glad I didn't. I feel slowing down and taking more time will mean a better quality finished product. I decided from the beginning that returns on this first project isn't the goal so much as the quality, which will hopefully boost returns on subsequent products.
By the way, I've had a few private offers to help get this done, and while I really do appreciate the offers, I just can't imagine using fundraising investments to do this. Giving me money won't make this move any faster, point blank. Some people can hire housekeepers and babysitters and office staff, but they miss everything about the writing process doing that. The whole point to live blogging through my process is to share my personal challenges and personal growth, my path through the jungle, as it were. Some people might be able to discipline themselves into regular work hours and so many words a day, but I have days where I easily do 5000+ and even 10,000 words, just not all on one project. And then I have days where I barely get a blog post done over several hours with lots of help from a Bunny. I missed so much of my kids on real jobs for many years, like games and dances and even my youngest graduating, so no, there's no way I'm going to miss a single second of Bunny.
Lotta big words. Let's take another break. This is me working on my first book irl.
There are a few changes I hope to make over this next year. It's obviously a huge year for Lexx fans, and I need to put at least as many hours into writing for Lexxperience that I do for my Walking Dead live tweet reviews. There's no Lexxcuse for slacking there when I've put so much free time into other movie and TV show reviews and discussions. Part of writing for a worldwide fandom means paying more attention to the fans involved in the fandom, so I'll need to figure out how to reallocate some more of my time for personal interaction in fan groups.
Enough of the big stuff. Where am I at on the particulars? Numbers are fun!
Top post ever on Surveypalooza at 248 views is Future Survey, currently 4552 total overall over its 15 month history.
Pinky's Sox has only 6 posts and 2106 total views over 12 months.
Blogger makes it pretty easy to weed out spam and bots and watch generalized stats.
I've come to intensely dislike WordPress and haven't spent very much time on those blogs, despite owning two domains over there and using gravatar to help verify other sites connected to WordPress. I should probably download the kit and do it correctly... We'll see what happens over this next year. Who knows, I might go into a brain spasmy fit and suddenly obsess over it. I've seen some other very nice WordPress sites, but I fail to be jealous and inspired to do the same. If Blogger ever streamlines more toward WordPress style, I will go into a severe depression and weep.
We must take another break and cheer me up.
I kind of let Klout slide earlier in the year until I discovered YouTube playlist hits jacks it back up, so I'm holding pretty steady again, which is preferable since I'm listed in some serious twitter lists regarding higher klout scores. I think it's kind of silly, but some jobs actually hire and fire over social media scores, believe it or not, so I may as well keep it up there. This is from today.
I'm not going to be redundant and go over all the other stats observations I've made through the year. I'd love to hand out banoffee to everyone who survived my Lady Gaga and Benedict Cumberbatch obsessions this year- wait- oopsie. Was about to link you guys to 'pink banoffee', but apparently it's a new color in a risque lingerie line now. I can, however, hook you up with Benoffee. You're welcome. Oh, and it clicks out to a real blog post about banoffee.
But I think the most fun I've had this year (yes, even more fun than stats) is all the smashing on youtube. It's not enough making fanvids and shipper vids any more, now it's about taking the DJ pop and rap smashes and smashing several fandoms into those smashes. I've found hundreds of awesome vids this year, but if I were to boil one favorite down, I'd pick this one because the simplicity is so elegant and the irony is delightfully exquisite.
