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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

delighting in the killzone, or, Happy Valentine's Day


Here we go, noticed the euphoria starting a couple of days ago. Remember my first one off meds? 12 straight days of barely any sleep, hardly eating, gurgling around in luv delirium like Colin in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books. It got really weird. Went through another big one last spring. I can't help noticing as I look back that my euphorias seem to be directly related to emotional surges through new doorways of self-understanding. No idea if they are causal or symptomatic or a side effect or what. I know what's triggering the euphorias now, kinda laughable. I have bounced in an out of full menopause at least twice, according to my FSH levels, and every time I bounce back out I go into these wild floaty luvfests and my brain is the happiest place in the universe. It's like I'm soaked in ecstacy or something. One of the reasons I was approved to go back on very low dose xanax is so I don't float out into space again and stop eating and sleeping. So far so good.

lol, click for literal Valentine heart stuff
In the meantime, I'm crazy in love and prone to euphoric eyeball clawing and eating other people's brains (srsly, it's like luv mode and kill mode are the same thing, I can't tell them apart like this because I'm so deliriously happy), so I'm continuing the braincation from twitter in general. I'm much safer when Scott's home, he and I cracked up a few times last couple of nights over stuff that nearly baited me to pounce and delightfully chew a head or two, so if I'm not responding to being tagged, it means you live and breathe another day.

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