Hello again How are you doing What do you want from me? A new beginning A magic ending
And then I woke up. I never found out what the last line in the stanza was, probably something about to rhyme with 'me'. It was a simple song, light piano, kind of like it was being sung on stage, young female voice in semi darkness. It's occurring to me that the reason I'm not fond of musicals is because I go through processing my life as musicals so often in my dreams. Some of them are cool, though. Beats dreaming in cartoon. I've done that a few times, it's unimaginably creepy realizing my brain can adapt me into a 2D medium like that. The minecraft dreams are awesome, like the entire world really is minecraft, but apparently tonight was musical night.
I'm still in very slow med taper, and even though I got 100 on my sleep score last night, tonight is horrible because I cut the dose a little again today and I'm hurting all over and it keeps waking me up in weird ways. I know it's nerve receptor pings making my brain feel things too much, getting the day's processing mixed up with real life sensations. It's not real, yet real enough to drive me out of bed over the suckage.
The obvious move would be to just take the stupid dose and feel better, but the side effects have gotten so ridiculous over the last 6 weeks that I really can't wait to be done with this stuff. I rarely get edema, usually from meds messing me up, and I certainly didn't have it before I started this one. A month of not realizing it was screwing my blood sugar is very slowly cleaning back up, and since that kind of stuff affects skin and hair on top of turning my inside fluids into a syrupy glue (visual for all you diabetics out there still eating junk and brushing off your A1Cs), that means everything in my body is having to clean house, and stuff like that typically takes about 3 months. Also, this is the closest I've ever come to feeling like I could develop congestive heart failure, which would be even bigger suck, so yeah, this med screwed me. I can take a little taper withdrawal, but not without torturing you guys along with me.
I haven't checked pinterest in awhile. I know people live in there and never come out, but is 22.5K monthly views normal/average for a really dormant account? I think I've pinned about 5 things in the last 6 weeks. I'm having a hard time believing that's a real view count.
I see they've spiffed up their analytics since I checked last, oh what, maybe a year and a half ago? At least.
Ah, yes. "Impressions." We all know what I think of impressions. Not actual eyes on, but the possible eyes on that could have seen these pins via certain feed parameters being engaged.
So that makes my top pin this month being a Star Wars pin more credible. Out of 12K 'impressions' it got 65 actual saves.
I still can't believe this one is my all-time most saved/shared pin, and even has 30 comments. But yeah, nailed me. (Scorpio)
This one has always been my most clicked. I loaded it myself, and the stat thingy says this pic is on 5.99K boards now. It has nearly 9000 total impressions since 5 years ago (I actually dated it in the description) and 40 saves in the last 30 days. Pinterest has labeled it a 'rich pin'.
This one had twice the impressions and triple the saves over the last 30 days, but it's not a 'rich pin'.
And I'm bored now. I took a real pain pill, the ibuprofen kind. I haven't had one in about 3 weeks because my doctor pulled me off these, too, but at least it's not addictive and it's helping cut the extra chatter down to a mild nausea. Maybe I can sleep now...
And now it's today.
I have a very long day. Moved a chiro appointment 3 times, so I'm long overdue. Then I broke a tooth (don't worry, no pain) while my dentist was on vaca and I got a call yesterday that they had a cancellation and can get me in today, and thankfully all this stuff is in the same town so I won't have to run all over creation. May as well hit the Walmart over there while I'm at it.
My head has been like Cirque du Soleil nearly this whole year already, and whatever I'm treading in feels more like a big mess from the Kool Aid Man tripping and spilling himself all over my world. My queue of work to do online is petrifying into glyphnotes. Get it? Glyphnotes. Nevermind.
Anyway, my jetsetting crew is healthy, we're past nearly all the big holiday stuff, I'm actually looking forward to 4th of July, and hopefully all other transitions about to hit go smoothly and the tech hangs in there through it all.
Time to go fix a tooth. Ignore this cover frame, the entire thing is a megamix of artists and WoW.
Totally going to ramble this morning, and I'm better now, thank goodness, so I'm going to share one of the coolest Halloweens I've ever enjoyed. Alone. #itwasawesome But real stuff happened, too, and I really did suffer, so the fantastic level was at pure 10.
Up to this point, I haven't been a nether person and avoid portals. I find 'hell' disorienting and get lost.
But this portal showed up by my new digs...
My day started with the dentist. My teeth aren't beautiful, but they are healthy and functional, plus my gums are also still very healthy, which is phenomenal at my age, so I don't mind going in every 6 months for little fixits, like sealing a broken bit or keeping an eye on a teensy spot for a year and a half that finally became a witty bitty cavity.
At first we had no idea who did this, and it wasn't until signs with coordinates were left on a doorstep that we decided to investigate.
I get the epi-free numby shots because regular novacaine catapults me into these magnificent anxiety attacks that make me feel like I've been electrified right down to my toes. I usually take benadryl and extra xanax before I go in to help handle the needle (super aspie's so aspie), and my dentist is unusually awesome with autism spectrum, so over a few years I have really settled for him. Yesterday I tossed around pros and cons of moving a xanax dose up a couple hours, overlapping previous dose, and the result was floating around for a few hours, and thank goodness because this was actually a pretty painful fix, even with a numby shot, and even though it went really fast. I was nearly backflipping outa the chair while the band was being jammed down into my gumline. He said I would feel it later...
Stepping through the portal, I can already see hell on the other side.
I floated out of there and over to Walmart, which was unusually super busy on a Monday morning, so I guess it's official- Christmas is here and the next 10 weeks trying to get a few groceries will be like trying to navigate Silver Dollar City on Memorial Day weekend. But it was cool, I was still numb and floating, looking like someone punched me lightly in the face, which is a great way to deter being smiled at by strangers. I wrote this in 2009 when life monumentally sucked. Smile. You'll feel better. Things are way easier now, but I was kinda loopy yesterday, so best not interact too much.
Stepping through is really dangerous, you get attacked immediately. The first time through, I wound up reeling and falling into lava far below.
I haven't indulged in scented candles in several years, so I picked up a large Moonlit Night (Yankee Candle) by American Home. Oddly, as perfume-y as it is, it's one of the few scents that doesn't start me sneezing immediately, or even at all. I just need to smell something besides my house. I keep airing it out because it's been so gorgeous outside, but my allergies are still going full blast, whee.
Seriously dismal, but I'm getting good enough at minecraft to handle it now, plus with the old server going out soon, we're allowed to switch to creative mode, which I have to do very quickly every time I go either way through a portal because for some reason, stepping through throws me back into survival.
So that numb shot and xanax both didn't wear off until right in the middle of the Gotham live tweet last night, and *wham* that sucked. Instant dragon again for about 10 minutes before I realized and took a pain pill. He wasn't kidding about feeling it later, it's 24 hours later now and my face hurts like crap and I can't take anything yet, so I'm in this weird limbo state where I'm nearly in full shut down trying to stay on autopilot switching from one thing to another every few minutes. I started this post 7 hours ago.
I shared in yesterday's post that we'd been sent on this mysterious adventure to find riches or something. I followed really vague clues and found this place by sheer accident.
And in case you're not ready to be over Halloween yet, here, go have some fun. Tim Burton Illuminati (search list)
And then ask yourself if his 'fails' and 'losing his edge' is really about sales. If you don't see CATCF as a perfect counterpart to AiW, then you're living in a really tiny bubble, because we are immersed and there is no 'out' of hell.
I kept thinking there HAD to be more to adventure than just finding a secret lair hidden in the nether, right? I've been learning how to use xyz coordinates to determine probabilities and was getting pretty good at finding villages and temples like crazy, so maybe I could do the same thing in the nether....
Ok, you found that boring, you need much more difficult gristle to gnaw on. Here, try this. the difference between historical illuminati and pop culture illuminati (another search list) My question- if Illuminati doesn't exist in any real form from any point of view, then why is it so pervasively used? Doesn't that itself cause its existence? Just because it doesn't fit a definition for the 1700's, or just because it's a fictionalized part of our modern world doesn't mean it doesn't exist. For a conspiracy word, this one is about the most pervasively slippery being used at every turn but not really being real. Why are we using it, then? (doublethink) A Brief History of the Illuminati
I personally don't care if there are secret historical ties or it jumped the shark, but everyone seems to be on board this train, so let's just call it what it wants to be called, ok? Maybe someone co-opted it.
Long story short, after a couple of hours of plotting and surveying, a small piece of ladder magically showed up on a block near the lair, and quite simply, I took it to mean 'go up'. I was in creative, easy peasy, just launch up and punch my way through layers of hell, It didn't even hit me I could punch through and get completely OUT of everything. Wo....
You guys didn't see me getting all my dishes done between paragraphs. I don't just sit here and surf.
Someone had been busy! I just sat here sqeeeeing like an idiot, I was so tickled to get to see this.
It was about this time last year that I got called a psycho for freaking someone out. It was a weird friendship, and I'm sure the innocents had no idea I accidentally popped his PTSD cork. If you don't know what I'm talking about, take the blue pill and go back to sleep. Me, I like being awake, and walking among the dead. Ok, yes, even with an outstanding headache from the dentist. Don't scoff, some of you people blowing it off with everyone goes through that. Um, yeah, fine, just spend a day in my body and then go cry on twitter about how much frickin nerve damage is ruining your life. I'm amusing myself through a headache. Some of you will probably never understand that.
Behind the figures were stairs leading up a sort of nether temple mount, and from there I was running around inside the figures (more clues!!!) and back down into the nether through the Outside mountain.
By the way, I'm using a crockpot liner today. I still have fond feelings for him, even if he is still stuck in a blind loop. Apparently a lotta people are. Blame the drugs, blame the porn, blame the music, but if he's not a slave, he's a slaver, and I walked through the wrong door and triggered alarms. I never saw a more tortured soul trained to bolt, unless he's got genius acting skillz, which I doubt, although I do think he's a trained watchdog. I'll be more mindful next time. I know, this blogging out loud stuff is unreal, but srsly, I'm currently eating sauerkraut and hot dogs and about to go fold laundry. It's just a headache.
And then from there I was able to find out how we were being watched without being seen, found more chests (mostly empty), pretty much the remnants of a game not finished. Apparently it had been tried out (the original participants in survival would've had to be teleported to the Outside start point by admins), but I'm betting not completely solved, and there must still be hidden riches of some kind. Why else would clues be set up for us to find? The server is about to be wiped and reset, and the creator of this game probably never saw it finished out. I'm one of the regulars still logging in, and I love tunneling and snooping around other people's stuff. I am really enjoying this game.
You can make a big deal out of symbolism all you want, from any angle. Point blank, all symbols exist, whether humans exist or not. Whether they are mathematical and found in nature or are emotional or spiritual, they necessarily exist because the world is the way it is. Applying mystical meaning to a specific set of symbols is co-opting, adopting them for special interest usage. Historically, the 'Nazi' symbol has been used all over the world to mean very different things by a variety of peoples, but Hitler is the one who made it so famous that it became representative of something forever burned into our brains now. Same thing with other symbols in religions and politics of all kinds. When symbols become synonymous with ideas in your head because you've been trained to associate those symbols with specific ideologies, you have effectively been brainwashed. Everything from there becomes a muddle of string pulling and side taking, sometimes to the point of hate-mongering and even deeply trained fear and anxiety response. When you can walk away from ALL the symbols, you will be free. Nations and religions adopt symbols so people can find their 'kind' and group up, and this has become very fashionable in popular cultures and sales motifs. Guys, symbols are just symbols. If all symbols were taken away from us and we couldn't identify ourselves or other people with them, what would we do? Love each other? Can't have that, can we?
I don't know if Alien will see my note, but I did a screen shot for posterity. We'll always have hell...
I'll probably be listening to this right up through Christmas.
Big breakthrough on the arms and hands thing yesterday, yay! I was able to hold my phone watching TV last night, yay! I was texting and skyping and tweeting, yay!
pic clicks to an awesome article about sleuth tweeting under political duress
I was told I maxed out on the ASTYM, so we switched to a nerve gloss muscle stretch combo that worked so well that my pain level went down dramatically. I'm going to keep doing it through the week and see where I'm at Friday. I was unable to do those when we began. Because of the ASTYM, I'm able to go through all the steps now to keep relieving pressure on all the nerves.
my fave yoga cat ever
click it to go pin it
I still have a little bit of ache in my hands, but my left elbow isn't bugging me this morning. I have lived with that for so many years, I can't even tell ya. If that ache comes back, I've decided I'll go ahead and try a cortisone shot next and see if that helps.
While I keep waiting, may as well step off with an oldie but goodie. I'll keep this in my head at the dentist. It's just a cleaning, but I get anxiety because stupid reactions to so many things. So far the blue gloves and the mint cleaning stuff have never triggered me, but I go in doped up on zyrtec and benadryl anyway. I once left a cleaning with my throat puffing up, no telling what from, so you can imagine the utter anxiety I go through just over that. Our super tree season is starting early, anything could go wrong for the next 6 weeks. *keeping my mind on how glossy actors keep their teeth* (when I'm alone with my demons- pain spikes, PTSD, and anxiety attacks) (I just shrunk everything in my editor to minus a million microfont by accidentally holding control for something instead of shift. This is going to be a fun day.) (Way too many shortcuts built into this keyboard.)
Slept in till 5:30 having a very complicated dream about trying to find and reclaim my mother's super cool nearly brand new plug in combo slow cooker/ buffet warmer/ something that I had borrowed and taken to really big church social (we're talking thousands), and I searched through the big church kitchen, the picnic area, and even the caterers and nursery and classrooms, and finally decided someone must've taken it home with them.
My mom has never owned anything like that.
My mom passed away five years ago.
The people I kept passing by in my dream as I was looking everywhere were all people from facebook and twitter and other internet places, most of whom I'd never met until after she died.
So why was that thing so important? What am I really looking for? What am I hoping to find that no one else can help me with? Why am I sad that a cooking utensil that she never owned is lost?
And what in the world triggered this? Why now? There is no significance to this date that I know of.
I don't want her story to be lost. I think this is me feeling guilty that I haven't been writing as much as I hoped this month. By the way, apologies for that near-rumble on facebook. I tried to keep myself reigned in. The couple of people who know what I'm talking about- imagine me being like that every day only 10X worse. #Aspienado.
Dentist today. Better get myself psyched up for it.
