-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero, this blog is PinkyGuerrero, ongoing continuation at blogs Pinky & Janika & Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Showing posts with label Mycroft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mycroft. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

words that rhyme with drastic

Playing with my pov on moc yesterday. The chat is hilarious.


"Wow, that was drastic." My reaction about 20 minutes into switching back to my old beta blocker yesterday morning. The closest I can come to describing how I felt on the cartia all day long for 3 weeks was like my heart was in jail and couldn't move the way it wanted to. It felt restricted, and I could feel it straining against the tethers trying to do what it thought it was supposed to do. It was unpleasant, to put it mildly. It worked super good the first week for blood pressure, but by the end of second week I'd slid into bradycardia, spurts of vasoconstriction (I'm sure my body was trying its hardest to get my blood pressure back up), a constant short of breath feeling, and complete lethargy. Yesterday morning was a very physical relief when that beta blocker hit systems and suddenly jail was gone and I my breathing relaxed. It felt like a big deal, like those shows where everyone in mission control at NASA suddenly relaxes because they finally hear from the astronauts again.

I didn't even think "Maybe I should stay home because I just made a big sweeping change in my body again." No, I went out and voted, and then chugged on up the highway on a heat index day to get some very much needed groceries. Well guess what. I had the total opposite of an anxiety attack. I went pure goofball for about an hour. It wasn't like being high, probably more like, while my body was readjusting all that blood pressure command stuff, possibly being on the verge of fainting. I was an idiot not to have a little power cuff with me to see what was going on, but when I finally reached town, I pulled into the post office, pulled up an analog clock on my phone, and did a minute long heart rate count and got 72, so I knew I'd be ok. I was coming back from bradycardia.

Quick random torture break.


And of course I had an almost immediate need for benadryl because beta blocker bumps histamine levels, but maybe it won't be such a fight now to get that zyrtec doubled again. I had to back off on that this last week, couldn't tell if it was making my med situation worse, but I felt more comfortable backing off. There aren't any drug interaction precautions between either blood pressure pill being taken with zyrtec or neurontin, but there's a moderate warning on zyrtec and neurontin, and with my body fighting the cartia so hard, and the zyrtec/neurontin combo doing the opposite, I think the reason I went from sleeping awesome to not sleeping again is because I was already in bradycardia, there was no way my brain was going to let me add more possible drowsiness, so I went into full alert mode and back to sleeping 6 or less hours a night.

Ok, you people who wonder why you still can't sleep when you're popping tons to stuff to help you sleep- I just demonstrated that your brain will do everything in its power to keep you breathing through the night, and some of us are very sensitive to chemical change in our internal environments forcing our bodies to do stuff, and our brains don't like that. So trying to restrain can actually kick us into high gear. I've been trying to get this through to doctors for years. I have become so med sensitive that even just small doses of anything trying to change something in my body, even for pain relief, can set off system alarms for hours.

One biggie I noticed fairly quickly yesterday was that the continual optic nerve headache I had developed on the cartia melted away through the day. I'm not fighting to use my eyes this morning. Optic nerve headaches usually make doctors think high blood pressure, and my every other day nsaid pill is well known for auras as it raises blood pressure in the brain and around the eyes. Things like prednisone and neurontin on top of that pain med make it worse for me, so this is a long-term thing proactive problem solving thing, planning for pain control maintenance without crossing too many streams if something goes haywire. For the cartia to somehow be lending to optic nerve pain (intuitively it should do the opposite) is important, but some of the side effects include muscle weakness (eye strain isn't mentioned) and possible higher infection risk (which means my autoimmune inflammation level could go berserk), and since I did develop the sore throat listed in common side effects and a spike in my tinnitus, yeah, I can totally see where cartia could be involved with nerve response around my trigeminal neuralgia and guess what I found. omg.

Another break in case you actually clicked and tried to read that stuff.


So, yeah. Don't blow symptoms off. Just because your doctor isn't aware or common literature doesn't mention doesn't mean there isn't a study or research out there somewhere very specifically detailing what is happening in your body when you try a new med out. I know I go deeper into research than a lot of people might be able to go (I have training in medical terminology and nursing and I'm a research bloodhound), but I've found things validating all kinds of problems I've had on meds. I spent ten years on amitriptyline before I finally found research about how it impacts bladder long term. I was going in monthly checking for nonexistent UTIs and my doctor thought I was going hypochondriac and didn't know what to do with me. Many years later, a neurologist wants me back on it to control pain in my spine, and a psychiatrist said no way because it makes bipolar worse. This is why you need to put together a medical team. All the hands need to know what the other hands are doing at all times. People wonder why they're miserable on meds, doctors add more meds, sometimes people find new doctors and fail to tell them everything, they wind up with even more complications, and basically it turns into a game of how long can we keep twisting up this body until it croaks off. And then we blame doctors and pharma when it's really US expecting someone to fix our whining and complaining while we keep destroying ourselves with junk and sitting around too much. The kicker for my doctor is whether a med stops me from being more functional in some way, and not being able to exercise is a definite ohHELLno on his side effect list. I see way too many people in forums complaining that their doctors won't listen and change their meds, well, find your doctor's trigger. Simplify it down to what your doctor wants to see happening with you.

I understand it's a LOT of work to learn how your body works at a cellular level or take a nutrition class or do real meal planning and your own cooking, and it really is hard to get off soda pop and turn your tech off once in awhile (and stop drinking and smoking and whatever), but if you are sliding down this 'aging' thing and wondering by your 30s and 40s why celebrities look so good at 50 and you don't, you need to figure out your priorities and what you want as an older person. Me, I wanna be able to keep dressing myself and driving a car, and don't think you can skid right up to that brink and suddenly save it all at the last minute by changing all your bad habits later. I think I mentioned somewhere the hotel guest that cussed me out for looking younger than her, with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other, and she stormed off to sit by the pool. If looking in the mirror depresses you and other people looking healthier pisses you off, do something about it.

We can feel sorry for ourselves, or we can pay attention, but if you're not playing survival mode in this world, you'll get left behind sooner or later. This will always be my M.O.


"I think you're great, just fantastic." Free associating. Rhymes with drastic. I'm still in super focus goofball mode.


Apologies for all that, hope you guys have a good day, and here is a nice brain cleanser. Please notice the currently most powerfully influential people in the world all lined up in a row. (I'm not kidding. Look it up.)

Saturday, July 16, 2016

paws


Ok, this sweaty feet thing is NOT cool. >=l No idea if it's the gabapentin (neurontin, day 8), but I've been changing my sox every 2-3 hours and even going barefoot. I know, it's summer, I'm *supposed* to go barefoot, but I'm a sox person because way too many squishy surprises and then gagging while I wash my feet. #lifeinthewoods Since the rest of me isn't sweaty, I have no idea what's up with that.


If cats could post... Can you imagine?


Here, have a list of cats blogging. You're welcome. List of cats blogging


But still... Imagine the scenarios that could really come out of a cat's head. We've memed them to death, but have we missed something? Anything? Are they really that transparent? Are we really that gullible?

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

turtle egonomics


I think it's safe to say I'm out of the fast lane now. What a pace I was keeping up, eh? Let's see how my twitter is doing since I last checked 2 months ago (and I was already slowing down then, too).

This was February.


This is April.



My link clicks are down by an average of 75 over that last 28 days compared to 2 months ago. That's probably because I've not been tweeting a bunch of links like I used to do. My retweets went up, lol.

Let's see how my klout is doing. Holding rock steady, I see.


So basically taking the spring 'off' isn't hurting my platform that much.

I am reeeeaaallllyyyyyy tired of coughing. I used a rescue inhaler only one week and got thrush almost immediately. Made the executive decision to just crank the benadryl up around the clock and ingest a steady diet of zyrtec twice a day, plus pepcid for H2 blocker, and the rest has pretty much been just staying in the house as much as possible, keeping my workouts and chores light, and focusing through the suckage by keeping my mind busy on something. All I can keep saying is thank goodness for minecraft, because this is possibly (so far, fingers crossed) the first April in years I haven't needed to call an ambulance for airway. (I usually need airway assistance within the first couple of weeks, worst year was allergic reaction to the propellant in the inhaler I was prescribed). I've barely touched cheese and chocolate, which are bad to spike histamine levels even if you're not allergic to them, mostly just proteins all day long, and I can't believe how low my pain level is. Once in awhile I have a super tough day where I just can't talk to anyone (besides still keep losing my voice) because the sensation overload is just too much, but I'm still keeping up with dishes and laundry and meals. In years past I would get violent week-long headaches and crippling joint pain, sometimes pleurisy. This year is more like feeling super crabby but still very functional, so I can hardly complain.

this is required reading if you want to be friends with me
ok, j/k, but click it
I know there are a lot of people out there struggling with asthma and diabetes and fibro and all the other things that plague us, and I know I'm very blessed and lucky that so far I'm doing this well on as little medication as possible. Every bit of it is strategy, self monitoring, and planning ahead. I'm controlling my life now instead of falling into all the potholes. It takes skill and attention and a deep commitment to WANTING it. All you guys out there who feel helplessly sucked down massive drain holes and barely hanging on with meds (been there, many hugs to you)- how badly do you want to control? I started planning in 2008. The lengths of dedication I've gone to have created monumental changes in my life since a time I could feel it all slipping away and knew I would be dying soon if I didn't. And I don't kid myself, it could still all go poof any time. I live with odds that aren't easy to stand up to. I just know I want to live.

Back to reality. I'm tired. Not the kind of tired I used to be, thank goodness, but still tired. Part of my dream last night was about bringing a Ginsu steak knife to a slime block brawl. If you have a clue what a slime block is, you can imagine how useless a tiny knife would seem, especially against several big blocks and dozens of smaller ones. But in the dream, it wasn't just about hacking with a tiny knife. It was about strategy and timing and higher ground. It was about understanding how the slimes move and track and attack.



One of the neatest things I've picked up playing survival mode in minecraft is that hostile mobs can be used against each other. How many times have I dived into 3-4 (and more!) mobs spawning around me in caves or dark fields and their own algorithms bumping each other back just enough for me to get away. It doesn't always work, but mobs don't have plan Bs in case their A strategies fail. They don't anticipate and plan accordingly. I've been surprised how many crazy really bad situations I've been able to survive by charging straight into them. Even catching on fire falling into lava or being poisoned by a witch, with my last few ticks of health it's all about getting to a spot where I know I'll be able to come back for all my stuff. I still panic once in awhile. Yesterday I lost several blocks of obsidian, my cool enchanted chitin armor, and a diamond pickaxe because I slipped into lava and didn't keep a cool enough head to use my pickaxe to break a block and jump up a couple steps before I croaked. All that work for nothing. No, not for nothing. I learned something. I learned to drop off my stuff instead of carrying it around in dangerous situations. I learned that obsessing and not taking a break was what wasted my time. I learned to get smarter, think while I do. And then I basically rebuilt an entire floor underneath the obsidian bed because there was live lava under every bit of it, and I was patient enough to want it that badly.

Not all obsidian has live lava underneath. I cleared a whole other bed of it easy peasy because it was just sitting there on cobblestone. And I found that boring, because I didn't have to think about what I was doing...

Real life is like that. We're all bored, aren't we? We want to be entertained, but we really don't want to work for it. Life sucks and it's not fair and we're bored.

We are in a real game. We want to live and not be killed right away. We want the freedom to do things and the means with which to do them. We must think. Strategize. No one owes us anything that we aren't willing to get up and try to do for ourselves. No one is going to miss us if all we do is whine.



My first real post on twitter analytics was about 10 months ago- twitter analytics. I've noticed that twitter still fails big time with a certain thing- I can get direct stat feedback from a blog that actually says how many referrals came in from a specific tweet link, and twitter still to this day does NOT live up in it's own analytics to that count number. My engagement rate is actually a lot higher than what twitter tells me it is, and I have the stats to prove it. I've seen plenty of times where tweet activity reports waaaaay fewer link clicks than what my blogs or SyfyDesigns will say is happening. On the other hand, G+ is dumping 'impressions' while twitter is still pumping up impressions as their selling tool. Impressions don't mean anything except potential. I mean, yeah, it's fun to see a really big number sometimes, but the true test is favstar keeping track of actual interaction.

Years ago I noticed that fans in forums sit around doing and saying the same things over and over and over, year in and year out. Years have gone by, I go back and lurk, same people, same thing, over and over and over. Twitter is exactly the same thing. People making almost identical tweets year in and year out. One person says they never get sick every year on a certain month, but without fail gets the nasty crud on another month every single year. Another person is very healthy and works out, but never fails to self sabotage with injury during workouts, and healing winds up lasting longer than the work out time spent, and this has happened several times now. And on and on. I have an eidetic memory for things I see in print, especially with timestamps, and I can usually find things I can remember seeing very quickly. It's all there, unless someone closes an account. I'm a speed reader, a search queen, and I remember nearly 4 years of twitter.

Some of you really need to get lives. Your repetition is stultifying, unless it's part of your strategy for the world to believe your life is really that empty and boring. Those of you who are homebound or dealing with stuff you haven't shared out loud, all well and good and many kudos to you (been there), but seriously, repeating yourselves for years, how in the world do you guys not notice you are doing that? (You too, celebs...) omg, I've written probably 3 millions words now, and I'm still always finding something new to write. Nearly 4 years on twitter and I'm bored to tears with it. I'm sure that's a really good way to vilify myself on twitter, but I'm not actually saying it ON twitter.



I should probably apologize. My brain is brined in antihistamines. Oh, btw, the blog title is a pun on ergonomics, because I'm a narcissist going in slo-mo this month.


Yeah, so life in the slow lane, as it were. Oh, the bee swarm was smoked and gently removed into a hive yesterday. It's funny I had noted just a few days earlier that I hadn't seen a single bee yet this year, which is odd because I've never been able to get close up pix of my flowering trees without being in bee danger, and suddenly there's a swarm of thousands all gobbed on a tree like bee hell burped them out.

I've gotta enjoy my last two days of real freedom (today and tomorrow). Thursday and Friday are booked up, and next week I start back into physical therapy. Time to tackle that upper core strength again, see if I can get past that wall now that I kept hitting and splatting on.


I really need to gather my brain back up, get it into coffee cup, get some clothes on, get a plan going, get on some kind of track today.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Plans R Us

I know, I seem really scattered again lately, don't I? It's this new roof thing.


I had a great morning, fabulous workout, was thinking "I need a PLAN" after my workout was done while I was relaxing on the floor, and immediately got up and headed to bed. ~psyche~ The sheets are in the wash. Stabbed in my own back. And how could I even forget, I'd *just* put them in. Click the next one for cute cat physics.


So I am begrudgingly yelling FOCUS! GET TO WORK! at myself and throwing darts at plans. Which plan should I work on today?


I have so many plans umbrella'd under "TAKE OVER THE WORLD". There's "Continued Reallocation of Spaceship Space", "Start Over Again on the Flash Drive Thing", "Find My Kitchen Counter Before Christmas Gets Here", and the ever-elusive "Wrap My Head Around the Holiday Slide Chores, Again". Ooh, I know- "Get the Pile Behind My Chair Ready for my Sister Tomorrow." And I could always work on "Throw the Rugs in the Washer and Do the Floors". Yeah, those last two. Plus "Get Stuff Out of the Freezer and Cook a Couple Meals Ahead."


This next click is an awesome waste of time, thousands of pages to flip through in case you're stuck in a waiting room or something.


I'm in one of those weird I need a friend but I don't wanna talk phases where it would be easier to drive around shooting nerf guns at people's heads in parking lots and speeding off (my drinking days were baaaaaaad), and then go hang out eating ice cream and looking through movie rentals. The days when I actually did something with my life, like waste it instead of all this reorganizing my spacetime continuum stuff.


I need a Mycroft organizing me. That kind of a friend. Someone who gets the PLAN and knows which of my buttons to push.


At any rate, I must go shake a few rugs. If I actually really had staff, I'd go all Daniel Tosh-esque on them and have them make inspiring evil villain vids, I srsly need a #TeamWells.