I woke up with a beautiful song in my head that I've never heard before, a woman singing softly to an acoustic guitar.
Glass Houses
Two people in the flames of right or wrong
And the world is not that strong
Two people on the wind of their favorite song
And the music plays along
Two people in the wings their whole life long
Waiting to belong, oh-o
Waiting for so long
I often dream in music and rhyme. I've awakened from fantastic operettas and neato chiller musicals done in full character, costuming, sets, and film. No idea where any of this comes from. It's like I'm watching entertainment from alt worlds or something.
I'd have lost that if I had rolled over and gone back to sleep, so I boinged outa bed at 2:30 a.m. to write it down. I've got years of cool stuff lurking on the darker blogs. I often feel like Terry Pratchett's Hwel who wrote plays for The Dysk. I'd like to collect my scattered dream splats into one place over time on Pinky's Dreams at SyfyDesigns. It'll probably take a couple of years to run into them all as I go over all my old stuff in between doing new stuff.
Yesterday I learned how to download a mod pack and go into multiplayer on minecraft. Nope, no pix, I was fearing for my life since I had to stay in survival mode. My display driver threw a bunch of fits again yesterday, and I'm noticing it only seems to do that when I've got skype open along with other heavy stuff like minecraft, which doesn't bode well for future window toggling between hangouts, twitter, facebook, and whatever else. May be running Jawn back in for a checkup if this gets any worse. He's a top of the line gaming pro lappy, so this shouldn't be happening. I was kinda wondering if it's a bossy microsoft issue, but windows 10 seems to fully support minecraft interface, so I have no idea why pulling skype up starts trubbas. Really annoying when I'm trying to fight or run away and finding myself killed when the screen comes back up.
This is a town day, so most of my morning work is already done, and now I need to focus on getting out my door in a little while. Wrestled with a dumb redirect for awhile getting a new Lexx thing going, seems to be working fine now. I've got a couple of write ups in queue, and plenty more I can do through the year in between other projects, so that'll be a thing.
This song is really on my mind a lot this week. LoveNightwish. Cool that someone set it to LOTR. Srsly wanna dig around and see if anyone figured out how to make Hobbit doors for minecraft. Kai showed me a Lothlorien realm last week, it was stunning. The sheer amount of work that went into something that beautiful was breathtaking, and it's interactive.
This is a writing prompt to help me focus in between doing stuffs. It's actually helping. Now go away.
Took a couple of months of conscious effort to stop chewing my lips up while I work, which I've done for many years and I'm surprised I have lips left at all. I'm noticing this week after a long lipcation that I'm doing it again, rather mercilessly. Then waking up to already doing pressure points on the back of my skull in my sleep, it's probably time to admit I'm having a headache.
So I quickly review the pros and cons of powering through- extra meds or no? Bunny never did come over yesterday, but she's definitely coming today, so, extra meds. I have a super limited selection. Super. Limited. Made the executive decision to increase my morning xanax dose by a quarter pill. (That is huge in my world.) My left eyelid twitched madly in agreement. Nerve flare across my face would look like awesome galaxy colored wallpaper if it were an art form. Too bad we can't set our faces to screensaver wallpaper. Everyone going with galaxy hair, yeah, I'm totally on galaxy face...
yes of course, click for awesome
And before anyone rises up with protracted withdrawal probs, I'm the queen of benzo addiction and withdrawing (my doctor laughs, my psychiatrist doesn't) and I know, K? Iz my thang, yo. Anyway, so that raises my morning dose to .1875 (I hear laughing across the fruited plain) (I know, right, not even a whole .25 tab). Unless you've been through actual DTs and real protracted withdrawal, you have no idea how good this will feel. Spiking it with a teaspoon of 41% real vanilla in my hot chocolate protein drink is heaven. (I hear more laughing. You guys will laugh when your livers swell up, I'm telling ya.)
Next option, if things still go out of control later today, will be a 7.5 mobic, and that actually doesn't touch the pain, just tones down the yelling a little for awhile. That is the only thing left I can do unless I get desperate enough to risk another reaction on another med I haven't tried yet after being a guinea pig for 2 decades. Anyway, if I take it every day I get the crazy watery auras across everything I look at. That's bad, something about high blood pressure and optic nerve involvement. If I wind up on pred because another out of the blue reaction on top of auras, we're talking defcon dizzy and that's super bad. You don't play around with brains like that when you're autoimmune. That means at ~*most*~ I take it every other day, and I try to hold it down to every 3-4 days. Yes, iz my only pain med option at this point. You people who can toss back pain pills, thank your deities and mother earth you have it so good. You people who keep bringing up medical marijuana- 1- I said I had a reaction (yes, people can be allergic to cannibas), and 2- that's still not a thing in Missouri. We grow it here. I.l.l.e.g.a.l.l.y.Foryouguys. I know things about the 'medical marijuana' *cough*industry*cough* that you hipsters don't wanna know. Yeah, I know some of you get regulated organic, isn't that sweet. You other dweebs suggesting street drugs to me in DMs, #btchplz. I like having what health I've scraped back together, so back off. This isn't funny to me any more. If you're still using those to cope, you haven't hit the ultra rock bottom I have.
I know, right, what is this doing in a 'bitch please' search
click to find out. or don't, I don't care
I told you to go away
The goal is to feel more comfortable feeling every bony structure in my skull and face. Many times through the years I have pondered how weird it is to feel like the real me is a walking skeleton, and especially to envision my face as just a skull, because every muscle ligament and tendon attachment to anything bony is an inflammation point. I've lived my entire adult life very aware of my skeleton. I used to feel freaked out about how people love skeleton art, because I felt so weird feeling like a skull looking around at everyone. Can people not see I am a walking talking skull? Because I sure feel like I am.
click. go get lost. run free. you're welcome.
Terry Pratchett helped a lot with embracing my skeleton as part of the whole me experience. One of my fave characters is Death, not because he's spooky or mystical or whatever, but because he has problems. He's just this non-corporeal anthropomorphized local event phenomenon wrestling with being audited, losing his job, and staying on top of an aspie-like obsession with cataloging and organizing timers going off. CAN YOU IMAGINE IF HE BLOGGED? Haha. You have to read the books to get that.
you foodies realize you can do stuff with colored sugar and funnels, right?
I've played....
Meanwhile, @bonenado comes back in for breakfast and several deer magically show up in the yard. He's trying to get pix. They're like teenagers, little nubs where antlers go. This is the best one I got. You can see a butt on the left and a head popping up just over the deck railing. That's the neighbor's garden.
My thoughts on the France attacks (good article) since I've been asked by several people sprinkled around the world- I think we will eventually reluctantly wind up in a world war over whether religious and political beliefs can continue to target innocents, which means new world order with world citizenry and all the nations agreeing to uphold laws already put in place by the United Nations. (Some countries adamantly resist in order to retain autonomy and control over their citizens, including the right to torture, kill, and even retain legal slavery.) I could be wrong, yes, but if I'm right, it will be the first war in world history that is about actual human rights and not assets and boundaries. It will end with the world agreeing on basic human rights. Those who are afraid of political and religious tethering and perceived loss of particular freedoms (the U.S. is not alone in this) will continue to enjoy shopping and traveling. I'm not looking forward to the war part, but I do hold high hopes for a future (however distant) of the human race becoming better. A few might think this is a belief system sellout, it is not. It is stepping off the dizzy merry-go-round of fear. I believe fear is a tool, and keeping people fearful via belief systems holds them hostage. This is not a social phenomenon created by a deity, but by a pyramid power structure. It's been going on for nearly 3000 years, and it's time we stop being duped by the process and look at how we're all going to survive each other. And, for those of you into conspiracy theories, sure why not, the militants trying to usher in the end of the world are in league with the antichrist, and we are in the age where the whole world will witness according to Revelations because of internet yada yada blahblahblah. Living at that level of hyper readiness all my life has burned me out pretty badly. ALL. MY. LIFE. Letting fear saturate 'beliefs' to the point of nonstop anxiety is only playing us into big pharm, so cut it out. Enjoy the moments, guys. Remember, holographic universe, gaming system, we're just a buncha avatars going through motions, and we are the ones who beget meaning in our own lives. Find your meaning.
If I can say all that calmly with a fairly rough headache, y'all can, too. Calm down, stop the bipolar yelling for simultaneous #killallthe____ and #faithinhumanityrestored and take a chill pill. They're working on it, ok? Takes a little patience to figure big probs out.
Nearly breaking the coffee pot because carpal tunnel brings the world back into focus, right? Whew, nearly had to run to Walmart for a new carafe.
clicks to cute 'Momnesia' blog
Also, if I have an enemy somewhere out there poking pins in my effigy and wishing plagues upon me, I'm seriously done with the ladybugs, you can stop now. Send the ladybugs to the terrorists.
This one is my fave. I can't get a click through, maybe you'll have better luck if you click on the ladybug meme collection pic up there.
Casual Friday irl. Clicks to an awesome Halloween board on pinterest.
Yeah, starting a little early this year. I need all the distraction I can get. You didn't know pink grim reaper is a thing, did you? This is just a toe in the water. Click for way more.
Y'all know my fave reaper was created by Terry Pratchett, right? Et j'adore Susan, his granddaughter.
click for character bio
I'm in one of my jumbly days, where this sorta feels like a Monday, thought it was actually Saturday for a few minutes, ricocheted back to oh yeah it's Thursday wait no it's not, and I keep telling myself it's Friday, and every time the word Friday hits my brain I get this huge pink blaze streaking across my mind with it, so it's Pinkyween time of year, and we all know how that went last year, so we're good with it. Don't forget to brush your teeth, kids. Get out there and rock your day while I go blow up a few toilets and break a few dishes, because that's how we roll in the Shire.
OH, I've gotta tell you this dream real quick. You guys on twitter know I watched #TheHobbit last night. Well, earlier I had watched a Key & Peele from about 5 eps back where they're doing the grunt thing and you eventually realize this is how football was invented (they don't have that one in the playlist, sorry), and I was thinking how fun a job that must be, basically cosplaying out a pun for Comedy Central. So that's the set up. Dream: I was talking to Bilbo about something and somehow wound up on cosplay, which of course he had no clue, and I was explaining it by describing Gonzo cosplaying as Derth Nader, which is about where I woke up going whaaa... Anyway, enjoy your day. And get some Death Wish coffee. Not paid to link that.
Got another one about to break my all-time scare record, albeit in a slower and steadier pace, which is the kind of traffic I really like to see. I admit I've coddled a little trepidation about some of the honesty I'll be throwing at you guys soon, so it's comforting to see the weird stuff become the most popular.
This movie is for a dear lady who seems to dance with the dark patches- What happens when Death is audited? The book might be a little easier for Americans who are easily bored with British intellectual humor that enjoys developing itself without explosions, something I had to learn to adapt to myself *cough* but this literary joy is totally worth it in either form.
And these for for the toughest chick I know besides me for whom 'frivolity' could entail extreme distraction in the same venue as extreme sports. Not sure how else to throw out a little thank you for letting me dump the gritty stuff all over her nice clean messaging.
I am currently grinding my life through a 90 degree turn and setting up all kinds of scheduling. This is my personal nonstop theme song while I'm dealing with stuff- have probably run it a hundred times in the last 24 hours, kinda like jacking youtube codeine into my aspie brain or something.
If I recluse I'll probably be writing like a bat outa hell and ignoring notifications, but my severe lack of phone twitter is already numbing us all up anyway, so no probs there.
