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Friday, February 24, 2017

conundrums galore

It is really hard capturing in a 3-way so that I'm not reversed
I miss live tweeting. Even if all I was doing was glancing at the phone to check a hashtag feed for the show, I miss you guys throwing thoughts out about what you're watching while I'm watching.

I've lost my place in Real Time. Without apps on my phone, I'm not checking the twitters and my facebook feeds. I'm not seeing up to the second breaking and trending. This is the first time in years I've been this unplugged. Here, go watch this. It's supposed to be private but vimeo is so crap that it's actually searchable. Anyway, Jordan's line "I feel unplugged" is exactly what I'm feeling right now. That is my absolute fave parody skit in all of spacetime.

In that sense, I feel more alone now, but the initial panic I felt without my regular touch bases actually wore off fairly quickly, and as soon as that happened, I was suddenly much more creative and all over accomplishing a series of tasks that add up to bigger things getting done.

I'm not really alone. I still have Jawn, and you guys are a website away while I work. I know all I have to do is reach out. Going appless (app-less? lol that looks funny) stopped a phone crash cold, and now my phone is fine as long as I let it sit there loafing around. I can still text if it comes down to it. And I can always watch the chat scroll up in Mo Creatures, but I mostly just ignore it.

So I'm signed up with an author learning center. I think only other signed in authors with that company can see it, so all you get is a screenshot. And you can see already why I'm such a wreck about typos...


Hopefully I'll pick up some mojo in there to help my anxiety. There are learning courses and forums, I think. We'll see. Tentative hope for a very tentative publishing date (or at least a submission deadline) is sometime this year. After my initial scheduled timeline projection got blown out of the water with 2 pregnant daughers, a surgery, and a major server move (should we even count the big allergy and autoimmune flares and the stupid med roller coasters I went through?), I know better than to just say Yeah, I'll git'r'dun by May...

I've helped turn high traffic retail stores, restaurants, and hotels upside down for inspections and have written over 2M words on blogs by now, and I'm taking forever to get a book out.

It really is anxiety, though. I was very reassured today that pulling back for fixits isn't a problem. It's all malleable when one is paying out up front for the service. You can lol all you want, but if I break even on this, I win bets galore, and if I actually make enough to reinvest and keep going, I'll be getting a lawyer to help me with the SSI lawyers who'll demand years of back pay, because that's how our govt handles disability. They won't just wave and say "Glad we could help while you needed it!" This won't be the first time I've been scraping shelves under threat of garnishment (of what???) and lawsuit.

You guys on both sides- Democrats, Republicans, Obama & Hillary, Trump- it doesn't matter. This is the kind of stuff that happens when you're in abject poverty. I've been there. Our people are not kind to our own. You either get out big or you stay down there. There is no in between, and not one president on either side has EVER solidified debt relief for the disabled. If you owe student loans, there is no forgiveness unless you cooperate with very strict 'guidelines' that boil down to legal loan sharking, and you will own *nothing* the rest of your life. Y'all who fuss this and that over health care and whatever, you have no idea what's really going on under the table in this country until you are hounded every single day of your life for years and years by collection agencies blessed the by the U.S. govt to keep selling your loan debt without ever complying by govt rules for debt relief policies even when you are judged so incompetent that you have a court appointed payee and spend years in physical therapy just to keep moving around your house.

If this actually rolls out, it rolls out big enough to break free, or they will break me, and I'm nearly to my too-exhausted-to-fight-any-more point.

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me." A.C.H. Smith

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