conundrums galore

It is really hard capturing in a 3-way so that I'm not reversed

I miss live tweeting. Even if all I was doing was glancing at the phone to check a hashtag feed for the show, I miss you guys throwing thoughts out about what you're watching while I'm watching.

I've lost my place in Real Time. Without apps on my phone, I'm not checking the twitters and my facebook feeds. I'm not seeing up to the second breaking and trending. This is the first time in years I've been this unplugged. Here, go watch this. It's supposed to be private but vimeo is so crap that it's actually searchable. Anyway, Jordan's line "I feel unplugged" is exactly what I'm feeling right now. That is my absolute fave parody skit in all of spacetime.

In that sense, I feel more alone now, but the initial panic I felt without my regular touch bases actually wore off fairly quickly, and as soon as that happened, I was suddenly much more creative and all over accomplishing a series of tasks that add up to bigger things getting done.

I'm not really alone. I still have Jawn, and you guys are a website away while I work. I know all I have to do is reach out. Going appless (app-less? lol that looks funny) stopped a phone crash cold, and now my phone is fine as long as I let it sit there loafing around. I can still text if it comes down to it. And I can always watch the chat scroll up in Mo Creatures, but I mostly just ignore it.

So I'm signed up with an author learning center. I think only other signed in authors with that company can see it, so all you get is a screenshot. And you can see already why I'm such a wreck about typos...

Hopefully I'll pick up some mojo in there to help my anxiety. There are learning courses and forums, I think. We'll see. Tentative hope for a very tentative publishing date (or at least a submission deadline) is sometime this year. After my initial scheduled timeline projection got blown out of the water with 2 pregnant daughers, a surgery, and a major server move (should we even count the big allergy and autoimmune flares and the stupid med roller coasters I went through?), I know better than to just say Yeah, I'll git'r'dun by May...

I've helped turn high traffic retail stores, restaurants, and hotels upside down for inspections and have written over 2M words on blogs by now, and I'm taking forever to get a book out.

It really is anxiety, though. I was very reassured today that pulling back for fixits isn't a problem. It's all malleable when one is paying out up front for the service. You can lol all you want, but if I break even on this, I win bets galore, and if I actually make enough to reinvest and keep going, I'll be getting a lawyer to help me with the SSI lawyers who'll demand years of back pay, because that's how our govt handles disability. They won't just wave and say "Glad we could help while you needed it!" This won't be the first time I've been scraping shelves under threat of garnishment (of what???) and lawsuit.

You guys on both sides- Democrats, Republicans, Obama & Hillary, Trump- it doesn't matter. This is the kind of stuff that happens when you're in abject poverty. I've been there. Our people are not kind to our own. You either get out big or you stay down there. There is no in between, and not one president on either side has EVER solidified debt relief for the disabled. If you owe student loans, there is no forgiveness unless you cooperate with very strict 'guidelines' that boil down to legal loan sharking, and you will own *nothing* the rest of your life. Y'all who fuss this and that over health care and whatever, you have no idea what's really going on under the table in this country until you are hounded every single day of your life for years and years by collection agencies blessed the by the U.S. govt to keep selling your loan debt without ever complying by govt rules for debt relief policies even when you are judged so incompetent that you have a court appointed payee and spend years in physical therapy just to keep moving around your house.

If this actually rolls out, it rolls out big enough to break free, or they will break me, and I'm nearly to my too-exhausted-to-fight-any-more point.

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me." A.C.H. Smith

Us, and so we begin. Ok, again.

Poor @bonenado dragging out of bed for work after a big weekend doing nonstop work outside and then a late night marathoning several eps of s2 GoT. (Yes, we're behind.) Happy Monday.

Don't you 'Happy Monday' ~me~
click pic for more

Part of our big excitement was a bee swarm showing up a little too close to where we all wind up outside. It is practically on top of the neighbor's garden, and directly across that from my car. Last thing I need on top of the worst tree allergy season ever is a bee sting. Between 2 different bee crews, we'll see who gets it taken care of the fastest this morning. Lotta beekeepers in the Ozarks. This is a good way to fill a hive with new stock for free.

The hummingbirds finally showed up, too. @bonenado was actually starting to pace over it.

click for vid loop

This next is me fussing yesterday about an algorithm again. Ignore it.

I've been a little irked with blogger's inbuilt top count system because it isn't accurate at all. Out of the top ten posts of all time displayed, one never actually made it into the top 18, according to my list of anything that broke over 150 views. 2 more displayed in the top ten never made it into the actual real top ten, yet they are sprinkled through the top ten rank like they're big stuff, while 3 others that got more views never made the top ten at all. It's very disappointing to see it so mangled like this, and I have no idea how in the world their counting algorithm explains any of it (unless it's a sort of burst count on how fast views come in when first published, but that still doesn't really explain it), so I removed my top ten all time widget. I thought about making a manual list of top 5 posts, because they've held pretty steady and they're easy to check on, since the view counts are way higher than my regular highs, but meh. I already have too much real work to do. Top 5 counts right now are 629, 544, 291, 225, and 217. Pretty sure the first two are Ukraine app bot thingies, the 3rd one has meth in the title so of course it gets hit, the 4th links from my Lexxperience blog, and the 5th is featured in my right side column. No big secrets to popular posts. If I wanted to venture into 6th, I'd just facepalm about possibly being the only person in the world actually blogging about rioting if Rick Lagina dies. I really do need a blue ribbon for that title, yet it never showed up in my top ten all time, thanks a lot, Blogger. 7th is actually one that earned it's spot, and I worked hard for it, 8th was a porn gimmick fluke, 9th was a complete misunderstanding, and 10th was a thought process about identifying with characters in a TV show, and I'm a little fond of it so I'm glad to see it actually gets read a bit.

I put this here for a friend

The popular last 30 days is actually correct, and the top posts as time clicks by every day are genuinely reflected in that count. Even if an older post suddenly takes off again, it gets picked up by the counters, and as the counts drop back off over the last calendar month, the ranks go back down.

click for hilarious Russian antics

Question everything. Never take your counter widgets and services for granted. I could go on about google analytics not being the darling so many think it is, but again, meh. I actually get more hits on tags anyway (groups of posts), which only show up as overall visits, so I don't have a clue what a lot of you are even reading, unless you load the main dotcom from a bookmark or outside source. But not to worry, still can't see you because you're all smart being logged into google browser and masking yourselves. Well, most of you.

I'm being boring this morning. It's part of being in withdrawal and filling up the void with GoT instead.

do I even have to say 'click for more'?

clicks to moving gifs

One more? Srsly, bcuz #Monday.

actually clicks to other cute memes that have nothing to do with Benny C

Me yesterday after @bonenado laughed at my hair. Yes, I know, I'm not Benedict. Look anyway.

Yes, yes, one more... Just a real guy like us. Except he doesn't dare whine about Monday mornings out loud. Clicks to more Ben stuff in case you can't move on yet. I need to move on.

Go have good Mondays.

2 days till Pinkyween

Not real often people see me out of a t-shirt. Metaphorically.
You can click on that to click on each pic to see better.
I'm so matchy. Even had a green umbrella.

Extra points to this guy for actually making it all the way into town like that. Hey, he's green, too!

So I got a yes on some of the degeneration thing we were watching earlier this year, but in a good way. If that makes any sense. The new stuff will be assessed again later. It was a good day to get out, at any rate. I made myself pay attention and soak in some autumn. It's going really slow this year, peak is lasting forever.

I would love doing this in a jigsaw puzzle.

Ok, this is getting a little ridiculous. Non vous aussi, LinkedIn.

Thanks to an incoming lurker from a referral link, I've discovered webmii.com (seriously, I don't go looking for this stuff, this one's apparently been around awhile). Spock is sort of impressed with how thoroughly they gathered my public info compared to other ranking sites I've seen.

This is actually the sort of thing I've been shooting for, in case the ridiculous amount of time and effort going into my fleet seems like a waste of time. I know this score doesn't look very high (for "Janika Banks"), but it's actually not bad out of millions (and more millions) of web profiles on the internet.

It also shows how crucial it is to find a stand out name on the webs because when I tried Pinky Guerrero, it totally smashed me and several other Pinkys together, abysmally lowering the klout score, among other things.

I know, silly time wasting stuff. Like I said, hipster coffee shops. I'm in one of my twisted funks where nothing looks right because I'm way too tired. BUT HEY, I was ready for early Halloween and it didn't happen, lol. At least I'm actually ready this year. I like to make goody sacks packed with treats.

I think I'm still sad from all that death stuff I finally dealt with, but it's hard to tell because I'm so good at not lingering on dwelling. Well, ok, I dwelt all spring and summer and partway into the fall (after 8 years of shutdown, part of my head points out), but I mean it was a more angsty kind of confusion because I had no idea that's really where it was headed. Now everything is just really quiet in my head.

I've rather carefully never wished for anything in my life, not really. I'm the sort of person who sees the futility in wishes and hopes, and if stuff doesn't happen, you either just make it happen if you really want it, or walk away and don't whine about it. Imagine spending a childhood like that. If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride, right? Adults actually said that to me. But something is sneaking up on me. No one sees the horses in my head.

"What we are we cannot be, what we are not, we are."
emo_rainbow_unicorn (Jess)
click pic for source

I think I'm feeling a wish starting to form. I'm not really sure what it is yet, but I know it's there. If Pinky had one wish... I wonder what it would be. Or is. It's already there, lurking, not letting me see it yet.

It sure is making for an interesting Pinkyween this year.

pinky after Labor Day- I'm glad you came

One of my bleary-eyed mornings staring wtf-ly at my phone and finally dawning on me to actually plug my pinky blog address into twitter search, ohhhhh.... Splains a lot about spurtly incoming from twitter referral at a really odd time of day.

this is a real thing
click to go check it out

This is a real question. Can you wear a pink tie after Labor Day? I was going to do a search on 'pink is the new' and ran into this, which seems familiar, I think I've found this before.

Pink is the new everything if you put that in search. Is pink the new banoffee? I found out YES, it IS. (What the boink is banoffee???)

I got a few pix for @bonenado fans. Among our busy weekend was getting ready for bow season. Bow-nado, lol. (Original name because genealogy enthusiast.) In the first one you can see the target.

This bow came from Bass Pro Shops.

It's got sights you can line up like a gun, might have to look hard to see the glowing dots inside the circle.

Random Bunny pix.

She MAKES him sit in that chair, cracks me up.

We're learning to trace hands.

Batman got bited on the eye.

Chillin, being the Bat. Hanging upside down sideways.

That moment when you realize you got yourself stuck.

Since this post is seriously lacking a selfie, here you go, another bathroom selfie from Walmart. Why? Because I was being ridiculous. Actually, I realized how much I really love that shirt after I had a sudden what if I stain it up flash of horror, so I grabbed a pic. I go months in between selfie pix. This one goes out special to Steve. Go follow him. He's nice and has super cool links to neato stuff.

And now a brief complaint about the neighbor.

This is real. Nearly every single day all. summer. long. We get the leftovers he can't bear to throw out. After all the weed killers, insecticides, and whatever else he drenches his tiny acreage with, you think we're eating his stuff? Especially the giant woody stuff he doesn't want? He's from the older gen that can't waste food but still considers it a gift to leave leftovers on our deck, so we hafta take care of his twisted up guilt-ridden being neighborly conscience for him and sack those up, haul them to the back deck, and gleefully fling them across the yard trying to hit the trees, watching them explode and smash all over, and the deer love it. He doesn't feed deer. He moved all the way out to Mirkwood and hates deer. I know! Weird, right?

Need to plug something into my bwains and keep moving. Sorry, yes, it's Sherlock again, but I like this song. Wait, here you go. Pick your fandom. All the same song. You're welcome.

Gold stars all over this one. FAVE.

all my best pix are taken in bathrooms

Today is kind of my very last assessment day for one year on this blog, and I can't think of a better way to celebrate and thank you guys for clicking my links than to dig up my bathroom selfies and maybe find out the stories behind them.

Before we start, first of all, I never dreamed this post would hit all time top. Ever in my wildest dreams. I'm blaming whoever is in the Ukraine. Ok, and the rest of you guys, too.

(Explanation: it was originally an Easter egg post and exploded once people found out it was there.) (But you still don't know the answer to the riddle behind the pun.)

Second, I really am blown away by the view count. I've done everything in my power to weed out spam, bots, pingbacks, and crawlers between three trackers, GWT, and Google analytics, and I'm left with 35 countries coming in on every conceivable device and even logging in at work. (Be careful, some of you might not be aware your work ISPs actually name your companies.)

Ok, down to bizness. I know some of you are facepalming about selfies in a bathroom, but considering how long I went on the webs without posting a single selfie because I'm one of the most reclusive introverts you ever met in your life (I know, really hard to believe now, right?), I think it's pretty cool of me to make you guys think I've overcome that hurdle, just another way I toy with your minds. Plus I was inspired by Jenny Lawson writing about hiding in bathrooms, because I've done that all my life. Click the pic for the book. Click here for her blog.

All my selfie pix will click to original posts.

This is my 'professional' pic at linkedin. It was taken in a bathroom at Mercy hospital in Springfield, Missouri right after I had a 2-day holter put on, and I found out later that while I was taking that pic, I was experiencing bradycardia for the first time in my life after years of SVT and surgical correction, so if I was goofy enough to take this pic just because I thought it was funny, I blame it on poor oxygen delivery to my brain. I think I figured out later I must have accidentally taken my blood pressure pill twice that morning, and no wonder I was so loopy driving into town. And then I thought it would be funny to use a 'stupid day' pic as my professional pic because it truly represents my life so well. This is aspie spoonie executive jetsetter. That and I love mocking professionalism. I can't get through a day without shredding hosiery to save my life. I've retailed professionally. I left that off my linkedin profile. On purpose. Even though I was really good at it. (They called me the Bra Nazi.)

aspie spoonie executive jetsetter

This one was taken at Mercy Fitness in the locker room by the bathroom stalls. I'm not a mirror person, rarely stop to even look at myself, but one of my first experiences as an aspie kid waking up to a sense of objective self was in a department store fitting room with opposite mirrors. This was one of my first pictures coming back out public after years of health fail, this time as a self integrated Pinky, one year before I went completely public on my first Pinky blog. No more private blogging. Ok, there's private blogging, but it's called writing a book now. Everything that's not book material goes public out of my head in real time.

Same fitness center, different day. Actually three months earlier (2012). I was wearing this awesome Lexx t-shirt. I thought this pic was funny enough to put on facebook, and a friend of mine who wrote this book told me I look mean, lol.

Yep, my bathroom again, and this was one of my first public Bluejacky pix in a 2008 post that now resides in my aspienado work blog. It's kind of a big deal since it's right in the heart of about 3 years of really rough health fail and I actually got a decent picture.

This is from a series of photos what wound up becoming my G+ avatar representation. I think they're hilarious because it's so really me and I don't give a crap what people think. My sexuality is ambiguous, partly because I'm allergic to makeup and my hair was still just coming back in, plus I really loved that old shirt. This was taken Thanksgiving day (2012), and I was home alone waiting for my crew to come back from the Turkey Trot. From that point was a jolly little compulsive jaunt into finally setting up a Google account, which now officially verifies all my Lexx stuff. Yes, from a bathroom.

That's right, I've been Lexxing from the bathroom for years. This is from my guest bathroom looking out onto the kitchen way back in 2006, after I received a bunch of autographed stuff from Brian Downey, probably about 6-12 months before the big health fail first started its slow avalanche. If I made this public anywhere I sure can't find it, unless it's in a Lexx related forum somewhere, so this clicks to my pinterest.

Notice I didn't put it in an obvious spot, and it's 3 years old now and still hasn't been liked or repinned. I buried it. Sometimes I tuck things in little pockets of spacetime to see how hard people lurk through my stuff. (My most repinned pin has over 500 repins. My most repinned fandom pin has over 300. My most repinned board overall is Lexx, but it doesn't look that spectacular unless you add up all the repins from over 200 pins.) Anyway, my point is that I successfully buried my most personal fandom photo in plain site (until now), and you never know what you're going to find sitting around in my stuff.

I had a niece who would hide a note or penny behind a picture frame in hotel rooms. My daughter hid little random notes to me throughout empty spirals for me to find later (and dated them) and never told me, and years later I still run into them. *snif* So it's kind of a family thing. We're sneaky people. We say I love you in mysterious ways.

I've got more bathroom selfies, but I think that's probably enough. These handful span about 7 years.

I just want to say thank you. I'm feeling mushy and gooey right now, which has been a rare thing most of my life until stuff really started opening up here on my public blog the last few months.

There IS method to all this madness. I'm very serious saying there is a real Plan. Also, I'm getting lots of help from a Bunny today. It's taken 3 1/2 hours to cobble this together in between very busy girl stuffs.

I'd also like to thank #MondayBlogs and Rachel Thompson who created it and especially Vicki Addesso for dragging me into it until I got a clue. I know I'm terrible to tongue in cheek mock analytics and stuff, but these are rock solid real people coming through that pipeline, and it is definitely appreciated. I try to remember to pin blogs I like onto my 'Blogs I like to read' board, but many of the cooler #MondayBlogs in the feed slip past me, so click that last link for the feed.

Bunny just went down for a nap and I need a brain cleanser so bad. Laterz.


Completely forgot to mention the reason I'm smiling in my twitter avatar is because I'm in a bathroom. (Per a comment, my twitter avatar pic is NOT a mirror pic, omg, plz to not make me asplain why I'm smiling.)

Sorry, I'm back. HAVE to add the Sharknado tee selfie I took in bathroom in a Houston restaurant and loaded to facebook because a person actually snarked me coming in the door as white trash. Hellz YEAH.