the fork in the road

age rating on the blog this pic links to, although that particular post is safe for work

"You look sad, when you think he can't see you." -Molly, Sherlock. But John does see, doesn't he?

Yesterday was sad, and I know it was seen. We can play our little games, but I'm tired of games. I don't hide the sad. I don't tell other people to hide the sad. But someone is sad, and I am still sad, and I don't see a resolution as long as someone has to keep pretending that everything is ok. I feel angry when other people pretend. I grew up angry watching my mother pretend. She never got the help she needed because she was always so busy pretending she was ok. It's hard watching people you care about do that. They're there for other people, but they don't allow other people to be there for them. Unless it's a head game. But I guess it's not my stuff any more, is it? I guess this is where I finally really just get off that road. Being friends with me was obviously a mistake. All I can think right now is if you only knew what you're really missing now, because all the things I said were true, but I guess that wasn't enough.

clicks to source on facebook

You guys know all you see is the surface, right. You only see what Pinky lets you see. You guys didn't see this. "I was thrilled thinking I might not have to do all my hard work alone, that maybe someone would be around with me surging into awesome. I have a vision, a dream, and I'll be going there. No more stalling, it's TIME now. This is the year, this is my opportunity to shine, I've been preparing for this for ~years~, and there is absolutely nothing that is going to stop me from doing everything I can to get as much work done as possible this year, barring actual death." But you guys did see me stall out for the first time since 2012. THAT is how much losing a friend affects me. And now, if I really want to get back on track, I've very seriously got to let this go now. I went underground and leveled back up, and I've got people waiting on me to turn away and go with them now.

click for gif

I've switched all my blogger blogs to https now. I Lexxperimented and discovered my Lexxperience.com and PinkyGuerrero.com domain pointers have no problem sending traffic straight to the encrypted versions, yay! I was conflicted over whether to give those up, but now I'm going to keep them.

Also, I was contacted privately this month by someone who thought I was other Pinky on allwomenstalk, and I was nice enough to dig up the link back to her myself and say Sorry, I'm not the Pinky Robot you were looking for. Ok, I didn't say it like that, lol. Anyway, of all the Pinky Guerreros out there, I seem to be the most aggressive with my web presence, and I feel like I need to be teaching a class to the other Pinkys on how to properly link and hub all their medias, because as you can see, other Pinky didn't. Several of her hub sites are very poorly linked, and this one isn't actually even hubbed, so...

Ok, back to physical therapy today. I'm doing once a week for 2 months this time. I was supposed to be doing homework this week, but I slacked because extra Bunny time and extra chilly out this week. Also because it set off charley horses in the long muscles up both sides of my spine (my tenderloins, lol), and if you've never had a charley horse in one of those muscles, you basically twist into pretzels trying to work it out, and if you're lucky, it won't trigger spasms around your ribcage and make you feel like you can't breathe, and if you're really lucky, it won't trigger a nerve center beneath either one of your scapulas and make you feel like you're having a heart attack. It's loads of fun disentangling fibro in ER, 4-6 hours of tests and scans and when it's all over you finally get a pain shot and a doctor going Huh, is that all. And by the time I finally get the shot I cry like a baby because laying on those stupid beds so long with a charley horse in your back sucks super bad, and anything coming through a needle is a godsend. So no, I didn't trigger that this week during chilly weather and lots of Bunny time. I need to buy a bigger heating pad and do warm ups before and then heat after so I can control that whole triggering mess, so a heating pad is on today's list.

Fibromyalgia is a nice word for charley horses from hell, and we're talking everything from tiny strings of muscle turning into diamond filament tether fishing line (I have muscle fibers in my hands that feel like guitar strings, they don't even feel like human tissue) to synchronized ballet as entire sections of body seize up.

And that's the kind of morning we're going to have. I just got stuck in the Futurama wiki because of the fishing line link up there. Click this if you need to get lost.

We've got a fine herd of cave crickets up and coming. @bonenado has been putting tape down in the basement and trapping 50 at a time since they were cute little wee things, now they're big and fat and still catching 50 at a time. He's thrown hundreds of them away. And now they're filtering up to this level and surprising me in the laundry, which is hard to do because I'm so fastidious with laundry. Got two this morning in the kitchen, casually asking where the coffee is. I have no idea what those things are eating, but they are fat. If they're famished enough to wipe out something like a possible termite population, yay! I can't even imagine. Maybe this is why we're not seeing any spiders...

This coolness arrived in the mail. Click it to go to amazon. In case you're not familiar with your physicists, Carroll has been hot on the heels of Kaku for years and is now being hailed as one of the greatest human thinkers of this generation. Future scifi rests on this man's shoulders.

I spent yesterday jumping up to clean every time my router got blinky, which was basically every 5 minutes (remember, our electric had been out the night before) (yes, I reset the router 3 times, it was blinky because our electric was still blinky), so the laundry is caught up, bathrooms are clean, dishes all done, bedding washed, plus I got a lot of little chores done in minecraft working in the nightclub. It's a blend of Goldmember's Studio 69 skating rink and Casanova Frankenstein's disco room.



Might take awhile to get enough gold to make the walls gold... Or I could go purpley-blue like in Mystery Men. I'm experimenting with a disco ball, actually strobe lights for the time being, not crazy about anything I've tried so far. I still need to make a 2nd tier observation balcony around the wall, will try to strobe that but I don't think the railings will cooperate. For now it's all lit up so I can see to work, but eventually I hope it's dark enough to spawn mobs, lol. Except hopefully we don't wreck the place up killing them. It'll be awesome and just an all around bad scene, like a real underground club.

This wins tweet of the week for me.

I have have half an hour before I have to get all over a very long morning out and then come home and crash through a rough afternoon. In case you need to get lost again, here's a good place to start wandering around.


And in case you really do need an exit cue, like me, here you go.