-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Tuesday, September 6, 2016

waiting for the end

Saying my last farewells before the server gets wiped and upgraded.
Stuff in my head-



Expression through something other than words.


The place where I finally dealt head on with all my repressed emotional issues.


Psyching up for a launch into a new frontier on a new server. I will conquer what looks impossible.


Testing new ideas, trying new visions.


Exploring aesthetic function- I have just enough time to swim up that fall to survive without suffocating.


Experimenting with eeking out time and space limitation efficiency. Wound up felling 10 trees in one blow and getting 109 stacks of wood, on an ocean.


Easy maintenance, easy to camouflage, easy to take apart and move on.


I totally notice staff in these vids. My life goals include having staff.

I dropped Jawn yesterday. Of all the things I've casually tossed around that have exploded into messes and after nearly destroying my phone so many times, I've always been very careful to never drop my laptop. Yesterday without even a whisper of probability, Jawn suddenly flipped over and crashed hard, skittering across the kitchen floor like a hockey puck. I have no idea how I'm even still getting on this thing. And then shortly after that, I threw my phone on Twink's bare foot.

I've rocked some hardcore euphoric and crash swings this whole weekend. The pain has been off the hook. Physical therapy seems to be helping with functionality to a point, so why do I feel like I'm sliding down a steep hill? I'm hoping it's just part of allergy season histamine spiking and various germ exposures setting off overload, because if this is progressive underneath everything, this isn't good. Keeping my fingers crossed I can recover from whatever the hell flare crap this is and regain some function altitude because I'm so not ready for alt stenosis treatment. I'm not a good candidate for invasive *anything*.

After letting my mind calm down again while I inserted the pix up there, I am remembering that every year without fail I've been in ER getting steroids, and a couple of years ago was so bad that I wound up in transport from urgent care to ER for med push and then spent 17 days on prednisone. I'm remembering that I'm so far this year successfully controlling super histamine flare, and that this was the first August I've made it through in *years* without winding up on steroids, just as I made it through April earlier this year, as well. I'm remembering that I'm actually doing very well compared to past crashes into anaphylaxis and autoimmune flares. I haven't had an autoimmune flare in two years. My blood work still looks great, I'm still driving and taking care of myself, I'm not having nasty headaches like I used to, I could make a whole list of stuff I'm not having a bad time with this summer.

So my job today is to see if I can finish reading a book while my car is being repaired, mail something, pick up a couple things on the way home, and not worry about stuff. My job today is to keep playing while I wait for the new server to show up.

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