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Friday, September 9, 2016

paint you by numbers

~Yesterday afternoon~

+_+  *ow*

We've been doing deep tissue nerve work up and down my spinous processes. Nearly everything I'm feeling all this afternoon can be summed up in "shoot me now". This graphic clicks back to a very detailed and absorbing page if you feel a sudden need to bone up on the spine. Don't judge me.


Right now I feel like my little minecraft avatar looks like when it falls off a cliff and smashes on the rocks below. Hufda. The actual therapy wasn't terrible, in fact it felt pretty good, and I left feeling much better than I have been lately after this kind of stuff. We're getting super specific in what I'm fondly visualizing as recoding nerve input and output. There is a series of pressure points several different ways up and down both sides and on my spine, some of it feels pretty intense but none of it actually feels worse than what I live with, but any kind of deep tissue work leaves a person feeling a bit beat up for a couple of days. It's part of the retraining and healing process, helping the various tissues either break down and rebuild differently or become more maneuverable or cut through nerve chatter and redirect it into more effective nerve communication. So far it's changed quite a bit of numbness, tingling, and maddening itching I've tolerated for years.

~Today~

So much better. *sips coffee*

Last time I was on moc I finally got a wyvern to hatch, and a super mod showed me how to make it stay and feed it. I heard on the new moc we'll get ghost wyverns, awesome. I'm also playing with natural tree walls and roof camouflage while I'm out on the ocean. Pretty sure my new moc home base will be on a very lonely ocean far away from spawn point.


Also found a few more signs had been changed in the store.




Last night was our first fantasy league match up. I had a decent start. My defense could have been better, but I probably jinxed them bailing early to go to bed.


I mention once in awhile why Doctor Strange will be so big to fans around the world. This sums it up for me personally, and I imagine anyone with any kind of nerve disorders or injuries will plug into this concept. The idea that we can still be powerful in our minds is very important. When you click out to this tweet you can see each pic better. Whole lotta work went into those hands.


Ok, I found it, very long post about using back to school to refocus my daily life, but scrollscrollscroll finally gets you here.


I remember seeing Dark City the year I was in the worst of being so terribly ill that I needed assistance with everything I did. I couldn't tie my shoes and had to go velcro, couldn't dress myself, couldn't drive, and every bit of it was nerve fail. You do not know when something will cause any kind of system fail in your body. Surviving it and then healing from it was far more than I dreamed could happen, because it certainly felt like it was killing me, but I hung onto things like this.


That was a rescue vid, by the way, I didn't make that. I think it disappeared and then reappeared here, but I don't think that was original creator unless it was an account wipe and recreate, but it seems really incongruous with the other vids uploaded there. I originally used it in a post on Bluejacky in 08 or 09.

It's all about consciously deciding to keep using what you can of your mind to survive and change your circumstances, or at least your point of view. Ultimately, spoiler alert, it was about the doctor, not the main character John. I find myself wondering sometimes how many resets that doctor helped initiate before he successfully broke through and won over the parasitic occupation of human hosts. Imagine being the only one who knows the why behind everything, and not even sure if that's even a concrete reality, and very slowly running these agonizing experiments on other people without ever being able to confide in anyone or have a friend. The tool scraped together everything in his power to create his own tool, and that was John. Right up to the end it was about secretly hanging on to believing that what he was doing was the right thing.

Fans on youtube saved me in the dark when I had nothing and no one else out there. I will never forget that. Fans are more important to me than the shows and actors themselves, other little lights out there in the dark, living real lives, finding ways to cope and focus and keep going. I cannot wait to see the fanvids that come out of the Doctor Strange movie. Interpretation is an art form I cherish in everyone around me.

Ok, I'm waxing way too poetic for predawn, I need to decide what I'm doing today. @bonenado will be back home early this afternoon to pick me up for eye appointment because they'll be dilating, and then I get to walk around Walmart half blind in my funky new blackout sunglasses from China, woot! Let's see- yes, I annoyed someone with this one on twitter yesterday, BWHAHAHAHA.

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