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Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I am really coming to loathe spring

Ignore yesterday's post. Gonna blame that one on the antibiotic.



You know you've come a really long way when you can throw a spoonful of cocoa powder into a cup of hot milk, not add any sugar at all, and be fine with it.

Actually, you mix that cocoa in the cup with a dash of water first and heat it for 20 seconds in the microwave, THEN add the milk and heat it some more. I make mine half canned milk, it's richer. Anyway, helps the cocoa blend in to break it down like that.

~hours later~

You know your head is wacked when you suddenly remember you haven't had any coffee.

Aside from needing groceries, I have no other plans today. It's enough to just survive this stupid coughing. I bathed and dressed, and now curling up in a little nest on the couch while I watch Sherlock sounds nice.

~minutes later~

Really tired of this waking up coughing thing. Still don't have my voice back, been 3 days now, I think. April is always my worst tree allergy month, but this one is too reminiscent of the year I wound up on advair. So far I haven't resorted to inhaler, but I've actually thought about it.

My worst new food allergy reactions pop up during bad seasonal allergy months, so April and August/September wind up being ER months for me if I don't keep a tight lid on it. The last thing I want to do is wind up on a prednisone rescue because I'm diabetic and pred seriously spikes blood glucose, so I may be sticking to a very restricted meal plan for a few weeks.

nutrition is taken for granted


Recapping 2016 so far-
December- serious tech fail
January- bronchitis
February- social media transition (depression)
March- intense physical therapy (nerve fail)
April- croaking off bcuz super allergy season

Can I be whiny now?

~more hours later~

Cranked some pred, pepcid, and benadryl, decided very abrupt and lengthy coughing spasms to the point of nearly puking means histamine cascade, because I'm already on antibiotic. The last time it got this bad (2009? 2010?), I wound up in ER 4 times in one month and pretty much lived on advair the rest of the year. Making the executive decision for round the clock benadryl and twice a day zyrtec. You'd think that would turn me into a zombie, and maybe by the end of the month it will, but for now, it's just a relief. Several years ago I had a Jack blog (Jack's Page), and one of my running gags was that benadyl may cause excitability. I was doused in the stuff and still sitting up all night doing artwork and collecting gifs other people made.

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Not at all liking that I'm starting to get that cough compulsion again. It's only been an hour since the med load. I've been practically swilling chloraseptic. Pretty sure I'm not supposed to be using that much.

Sorry, this is me trying not to be nervous. My blood pressure is crazy, but it would be way scarier if it were plunging, so I'm not worried. Just means my body is dealing with something, like, oh I dunno, my immune system FREAKING OUT.

Live blogging at its best. I'm trying to stay off twitter so I won't scare the straights, plus it's hard to stay cool and polite when I'm already on the cusp of social fail without this kind of pressure, plus I really don't want someone tagging @bonenado to get his attention just because I'm tweeting. If I wanted him I'd text him, or call his work. We still shake our heads over that one day I was using twitter to handle a pain crisis by being silly and someone actually thought it was an emergency and tagged him. If it's really an emergency and I'm in a public place like Walmart, I'm pretty sure me or someone else will be calling 9-1-1, and I'm also pretty sure I won't be tweeting instead of texting Scott. Anyway, that was the day I decided twitter can't handle the way I handle my worst days.

There is nothing in the world that shows you how to handle crap like hanging out with young adult bloggers who have CF. There's a kid I follow on twitter (I say kid, could be anywhere from 15 to 25) for no other reason than that the tweeting style caught my eye, and I was like, wo, this person is tweeting silly stuff from a hospital bed and nobody even has a clue. The continual stream of shared conscious distraction was cute and witty and plainly stated for anyone paying attention- "I'm sharing myself because I'm not sure if I won't be able to soon." It was obviously a lifestyle, going in for maintenance and setbacks and stuff.

Whispers in the dark, all our minds tweeting and tumblr-ing and FBing, and feeling like part of the world because our thoughts are all out there together, even though some of us aren't really talking to anyone but ourselves. I love blogging. I can talk to myself all I want in here.

I think it's calming down again... I didn't cough once the whole time I was on here again.

There is a unique airway sensation that feels like suddenly everything is becoming too wet, and before you can do more than notice it, the coughing fit starts, and the more you try to actually breathe, the harder and longer every cough spasm is drawn out, until the throat just locks into spasm and stays that way, as if you're choking to death and trying to clear something out of the way, and it's only a response to all the tissues suddenly wetting up. If it would just stop for a few seconds, the air would get in and out just fine, but since the entire airway system is suddenly extra wet, the entire airway system is what's setting it off with an uncontrollable reaction.

When I had CMV one year, there were about 3 days where I felt like I was drowning in lung fluid. I wasn't croupy, wasn't coughing up anything productive, airway was actually clear, but the tissues wetting up in response to the virus (CMV is a particular kind of mono that can hit your organs) kept saying otherwise. It was about the most traumatic kind of illness response I've ever been through, and ever since that happened, one of my airway responses to histamine spiking is exactly that. It didn't used to do that. I used to get croupy and you could hear the asthmatic crackle in my chest, and I actually managed to live for a couple of years with continual mild asthma before I found out that's what it was. Now it skips that and goes straight to feeling like someone set off a sprinkler system in my throat, setting off sudden horrible gag reflexive coughing.

There's no cure for a hyper responsive immune system. All I can do is force everything to calm down as much as possible. I'm packed and ready everywhere I go to handle out of the blue emergency airway response, even in my own home. I have lived at this level of readiness for so long now that I can't even imagine not having an epipen and bottle of prednisone and inhaler more than 20 feet from my body at any time day or night.

Some of you see me get cranky over TV shows where people hesitate to kill the bad guy and then things get worse. Pretty sure if any one of the people anywhere near Negan were hiding that they live at this level, he'd already be dead because they'd have just shot him as soon as he turned his back. I know if it comes down to it, like in a zombie apocalypse, I'm not going to wrestle with hesitation when I've already been living with spur of the moment staying alive on the fly before anything bad like that even happens.

I once sat in an ER with my blood pressure at 210/110 calmly flipping pages in a magazine while I was in full blown SVT galloping in my chest, 180 bpm. I would sooner shoot a guy like Negan than sit through the anxiety of watching him murder someone, and I know I'd be able to do it because I've lived through stuff Negan never had to. I do not understand how a whole group of people can be so docile just because someone tells them to be. You're gonna die anyway. Making deals with the devil for a few more days or maybe even one more year is fantastically lame.

By the way, I've watched someone clubbing puppies to death and know what it's like seeing brains squished out only a couple of feet away from me. I was about 9 or 10. Anyone who can calmly do that, much less enjoy it like Negan, is way past Lord of the Flies. Imagine seeing that happen to your child. I wonder how fast Rick and his gang would've stood back up if that had been Carl.

~45 minutes later~

Oopsie, wasn't watching the time. Was deep in a wiki page on Negan when @bonenado walked in, and I hadn't even put supper in the oven yet. I just wanted to see how Negan dies. Just shook my head and walked off. Walking Dead is such a chain yanker. Just do it, ya dopes. Stop this Days of our Lives crap.



This is my brain on a big load of antihistamines and pred. The fluid in my ears is all "Should I stay? Go?" and looking at me like I'm supposed to know what's going on. Um, sure, have some coffee and kick back, what the heck. Maybe ease up a bit on that weird itchy eardrum thing, though, thanks.

I need to walk away from this. There's actually cool stuff I'm not sharing yet, might be awhile bcuz gotta take care of thangs, but a few of us are getting pretty Lexxcited about it. This is me irl slugging through everything going wrong all the time but cool stuff coming out of it along the way. And dang it, suddenly sneezing my head off after taking all that. This is ridiculous.


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