-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Sunday, October 9, 2016

heart of pinkness

The dichotomy of the love-hate war I feel every day of my life is much easier to see in detail before, during, and after anesthesia. While I insist that I'm naturally predisposed to a certain amount of terribly unempathetic judgmentalism layered in childhood as software programming over hardware autism spectrum, all it takes is just enough sedation to knock aside a mountain of pain to reveal I'm a tenderhearted soul with a deep need to let people know they're awesome and I love them.

Ever wonder what you say under anesthesia during procedures and tests? Because you can still respond to questions, and I'm one of those people who never shuts up and then remembers some of the stuff I'm technically not supposed to be able to remember later. I make really stupid jokes and laugh and talk to everyone around me like we're best friends, like a schloppy drunk who loves the world.

Ha, you didn't know that was a word, did you?

And then it all slowly creeps back over several hours (I'm one of the slow ones, nearly 2 days for me before it completely wears off) and the mean comes back because things get hard again. The hardest part was the few hours just before pre-anesthesia- no sleep or pain medication and almost no food for almost 48 hours, and no coffee that morning. To say I bit @bonenado's head off, chewed it up, and then spit it out doesn't even touch how awful I was. To say I'm grateful he doesn't crab back and dump my butt in a ditch on a highway is understated.

I'm deeply attracted to the layers of mirroring throughout the Sherlock series, both physically and psychologically, so I think it's cool someone else picked up on some of that.

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