-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Thursday, October 20, 2016

just tea

Today is a little delicate, super spastic fibro spaz in lower back started coming on after the bed at the sleep clinic. It wasn't a bad bed, actually slept ok, but I'm so used to getting up to move around or switch to the couch to prevent this kind of muscle response that it's feeling very 'old days' before I figured all this stuff out. I may be having to switch off ice and heat and doing lower core and stretches off and on all day just to keep walking, and I daresay sitting to 'rest' won't help as much as make it worse. I'd say this sucks, but saying stuff like that prematurely tends to make the cosmos bwahahaha in You think THAT sucks? Try THIS and then I'd probably wind up staggering from countertop to chair back kind of thing wishing I had a walker or a couple of canes. In the old days I'd be able to hands and knees if I had to, that's very simply out now. I cannot resort to destroying what's left of hands and knees sloppily dealing with this without strategic planning.

Those of you with alt remedies on the tip of your tongue, don't even go there. If you really think I haven't tried just about everything short of risking paralyzation in surgery, you either don't know me or you're dumb, so nip it and don't even start. This ain't my first rodeo, and I've already gone through several rounds of not being able to walk, one lasting for months. Unless you've lived like this, you can't fathom it, so back off.

I've thought a LOT about Stephen Strange wrecking up his arms and hands in that car wreck (pre Doctor Strange thoughts). I know what it's like living with all that nerve pain, losing control of fine detail function, the frustration that comes with all the clumsy little things your hands go through. I totally get the guy going from arrogant to pissy and grim determination to f* it all and keep plowing through anything to find some kind of answers or relief, because the only alternative is to quit. Most of you comic book fans are loving all this hype, but not as much as the fans who know what Doctor Strange is going through emotionally being trapped in a crap body and feeling useless and hopeless and very angry about it. It is all our dreams to be able to overcome our challenges and be useful or to be able to once again express what we are good at without ugly pain and clumsiness in the way.

Ok, enough of that. I've got things I need to get done today in between and around all this twingy back stuff, so time to get all over it. Definitely need some go music. Ok, here we go, totally dorky and something I can move around to.

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